0:00:29 > 0:00:31APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Hello, and welcome to QI,
0:00:34 > 0:00:36where tonight, I am pleased to say,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40we will be enjoying multiple organisms.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Let's meet our life forms.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44The wise Nish Kumar.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:48 > 0:00:51The noble Cariad Lloyd.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The amusing Holly Walsh.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:00 > 0:01:03And the single-celled Alan Davies!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Right, let's hear your multiple organisms.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Cariad goes...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17That's me, that's me.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Holly goes...
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Nish goes...
0:01:23 > 0:01:27STRANGE MELODY
0:01:27 > 0:01:30It's a really disturbing programme!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And Alan goes...
0:01:32 > 0:01:34LOUD SNORING
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I do, actually!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41LAUGHTER
0:01:41 > 0:01:47What animal gets the lion's share of online viewing?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I don't know, but that horse looks like Donald Trump.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56We had a cat that used to watch the telly.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00He watched a documentary about urban foxes,
0:02:00 > 0:02:03and he watched the whole programme with his paws up on the back of
0:02:03 > 0:02:05the chair, looking at it like this.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09And about six months later they repeated it, and he watched it all again.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14And any time a fox went out of the side, he went like that.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19Probably birds as well, birds probably watch a lot of TV, because they're in the room, aren't they?
0:02:19 > 0:02:24- What about people who hang their budgie by the window, so it can see the other birds outside?- Yeah!
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Is that not the definition of evil?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Anyway, none of this is what I wanted to talk about!
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Is it lions?
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Yes.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35No!
0:02:36 > 0:02:37It's surprising.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Blue whale.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51No. Surprisingly, there are more dog videos on YouTube
0:02:51 > 0:02:54than there are cat videos. People always talk about cat videos.
0:02:54 > 0:02:5765.9 million dog videos,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00versus 65.3 million cats.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01The dogs just got the edge there.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- Why do we think that might be? - Dogs are better than cats. - AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Oh, that's the most controversial thing ever said in this studio!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- Wow! Yeah.- I'm with you, Cariad.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Thank you.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14That's the Brexit of the pet world.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Yeah.- In England, people would care more about that than they did about Brexit,
0:03:17 > 0:03:19if you start slagging off dogs or cats.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Let's try it. People who like cats, say "cats".
0:03:22 > 0:03:23AUDIENCE: Cats!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- People who like dogs, say "dogs". - AUDIENCE: Dogs!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28People who like Brexit, say "Brexit"!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32People who like people, say "people"!
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Nothing.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I have to say that Google tells a different story than YouTube.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40There are 2.2 billion pages about cats,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43compared to 1.8 billion about dogs.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Yeah, people going, "Why are cats shit?"
0:03:45 > 0:03:48"Why did I get a cat?" "I can't get rid of this cat."
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Did a cat slap you when you were a baby?!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52No, do you know what,
0:03:52 > 0:03:55the reason I don't like cats is I am allergic to them,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57and I want to stroke them and I can't,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59so what I've done is develop a hatred.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Right, right.- It worked the same way for men when I was younger.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03This is how Brexit...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06So why animal videos, why do we watch a lot of animal videos,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08what's the reason for it?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Is it because we're, like,
0:04:10 > 0:04:12programmed as people to love looking at animals?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Well, no, the concept is that we just watch something that's a bit of fun,
0:04:15 > 0:04:19and it makes you feel fewer negative emotions. Anxiety, you know, guilt, that kind of thing.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I was working with an editor once,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23and he was telling me that they did this experiment where, like,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26they wanted to see where people's eyes went on, say, movies.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You know, like, so what people are looking at.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31And they had, like, a shot with a topless woman, and obviously, like,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34most people watched the topless woman,
0:04:34 > 0:04:37and then the only thing that distracted them was when a dog walked in,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39and then they all just looked at the dog!
0:04:39 > 0:04:43In the, like, Top Trumps of distraction, it goes tits, dog.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47And a topless dog is, like...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50It's my dream, a topless dog!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Yeah. That's my website.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54That's what I'm after.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Well, there are more dog videos online than cat videos,
0:04:58 > 0:05:00and even fewer otter videos.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02So who wants to see a juggling otter?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- Yes, yes!- Yes!
0:05:04 > 0:05:06- Let's have a look.- Oh, my God!
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- Oh, my God!- Oh, my God!- I know!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14That definitely trumps tits and dog.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16There we go, back with that one.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Ah!
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Totally nailing all the moves there.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Has anyone checked he's not trapped under there?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30He's like help! Let me out!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Do something!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Stop it, you're messing my mascara!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43That's a juggling otter.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46But not everybody loves otters, all right, like we do.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51So tell me, what do otter hounds hunt?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Yes, Nish.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I mean, I know what's about to happen.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Yes.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Otters?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10OK, it is illegal to hunt otters, so when otter hunting was banned,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12they retrained them to hunt mink,
0:06:12 > 0:06:15so what do otter hounds hunt?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Small boys in caps?
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Mink.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Mink!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- It's illegal to hunt Mink. - It's illegal to hunt mink.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28But do they hunt mink?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Do they, you know, hunt mink?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Is that, like, a euphemism? - Yeah, that's like...
0:06:34 > 0:06:36That's a backhander, guys.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Is it? Oh, backhander.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Oh, it's a backhander? I thought it was a back entrance.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I thought that was, like... a backhander was, like,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45"I'll take some money if you don't mention it."
0:06:45 > 0:06:50- Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, "I'll get the mink for you."- Oh, I thought it was "I've just farted"!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I thought it was, like, a lesbian euphemism.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00My whole life in a club, I've never gone...
0:07:02 > 0:07:04All right, we've got a backhander in tonight!
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Anybody up for some mink hunting?!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Otter hunting was a very, very popular blood sport throughout the Middle Ages and so on...
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- That's horrible!- There was a
0:07:14 > 0:07:19King's Otterer. He had an estate called Otterer's Fee in Aylesbury.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22And then it largely died out, because the otter was largely dying out,
0:07:22 > 0:07:26and so there was a little bit of a revival in the 20th century until 1978,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29and then the otter became a protected species, and then they tried mink,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31and now it's rats. In fact,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34only rats and rabbits are exempt from the ban on hunting mammals
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- with dogs.- What about squirrels?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39It's rats and rabbits, that's your limit.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Yeah, but could you squeeze in a squirrel?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44When you use the expression "squeeze in a squirrel", what do you mean?
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- It's another lesbian euphemism, in the clubs.- One of the most prized
0:07:49 > 0:07:52things for hunters was the otter's baculum.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Anybody know what the otter's baculum is?- Something nasty?
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Oh, is it the penis bone?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58- It is the penis bone, yes. - See, something nasty.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Absolutely right. There is one right there...
0:08:00 > 0:08:02It's the length of the otter?!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Oh, my God, I'm going to get an erection!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Ooh!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Get it off me!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22The rest of that video is the otter struggling under the rocks,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and he goes, "Hold on a second..." Phodum!!
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Just throwing up a pebble, and then whacking it with its cock!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31If you've just tuned in,
0:08:31 > 0:08:34that's Alan Davies pretending to be an otter with a troublesome erection.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39So... Otter's baculum was much prized.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- You've got one?!- Well, what I've got, these are earrings,
0:08:42 > 0:08:44and this is actually made from a mink's...
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Obviously two, there's not one, he doesn't have two.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48They're made from mink baculum.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50There's some mink out in the world going,
0:08:50 > 0:08:53"I hope you're enjoying that earring!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55"I hope it's made you happy, that earring."
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I don't understand how this works.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59So they constantly have a hard-on?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Well, no, what it is... Humans don't have a baculum, I'm told.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06Yes, I'd like to beg to differ there.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Do you know why humans don't have it?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- What's the reason given?- Underpants.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Do you want to see them? Thank you.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Not compatible with underpants.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21So the mythological reason is that Eve was taken, not from a rib of Adam, but from his baculum.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24But the real reason is that the baculum is needed for what's...
0:09:24 > 0:09:26How can I put this politely? Prolonged intromission,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- is what you need it for.- So do you think Sting's got a baculum?
0:09:30 > 0:09:31LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:39This thing's the exact same shape as my nose!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45There's a good idea for a show - Nish Kumar: Mink Pleasurer.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I'll watch it.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Nish And The Mink.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Eee! Eee!
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- Next.- Otter hounds are now employed as rat catchers.
0:09:56 > 0:10:01But speaking of occupations, what's the best job for a beetle?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Drummer, because you'll still be alive.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07That's very good.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I am going to give you an extra point.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- Thanks.- Even though it's horribly wrong.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20So, beetles are employed, where might they be employed?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Dung moving. It must be dung moving.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26It isn't, it is a form of job that only a beetle can do.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29They can get under things, they can go through little holes.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Eating, scavengers.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Oh, is it anything to do with nuclear power stations?
0:10:33 > 0:10:34No, not at all!
0:10:34 > 0:10:39They work in museums. So, skeletons contain a lot of delicate structures,
0:10:39 > 0:10:46and the best way to prep them for a museum display without damaging them is the dermestid beetle.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- Oh, God!- And it lives by stripping the flesh off rotten corpses.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53It's used by museums all over the world for that purpose.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57The good news about this horrible job is that they only work on six-month contracts, so...
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Which is the life expectancy of a dermestid beetle.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Right, they die on the job. - They die on the job.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05But speaking of skeletons,
0:11:05 > 0:11:09it's time for a round of that evergreen parlour game favourite.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17OK, let's have a look at our skeletons,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20and who's going to start with number one?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21And be specific, please.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Its teeth haven't come through.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25You're absolutely right, it's a child,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28because you can actually see the adult teeth waiting to...
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Oh, no, it's not that kid, is it?!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- No, it's not.- It's not that child, is it?- It's not that child, OK?!
0:11:33 > 0:11:37It's another child that we don't care about!
0:11:37 > 0:11:42That poor kid is a model, and then his parents might be just flicking through the TV,
0:11:42 > 0:11:45and they're like, argh!!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48This looks like you've spun the world's worst fruit machine!
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Yeah, you can see the teeth waiting to come through there,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01so the process of the old teeth being pushed out is called exfoliation.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03We moved house recently,
0:12:03 > 0:12:08and behind the U-bend under the sink we found this tobacco tin full of
0:12:08 > 0:12:09- children's teeth.- Oh, my God!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Yeah, yeah.- Is that where the tooth fairy puts them?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14And I didn't know what we should do with them,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18and I felt really bad because they were obviously the people who lived in the house before us,
0:12:18 > 0:12:22and it's like a family heirloom, so I asked our neighbour if they had a forwarding address for them,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25and they were like, "yeah, sure". And I...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I sent it to them, and I felt really good about myself,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32and then I was talking to my other neighbour, and she said,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35"That's so weird because they didn't have children."
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Oh, my God!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44So I just sent a complete stranger a tin of children's teeth!
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Right, moving on.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Let's go back to our QI ossuary.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Number two, anybody?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53- Is it a vulture?- No, it's not.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- It is a bird.- Is it an ostrich?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- You'd think that because of the long neck. - Yes.- This one is extraordinary,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02because it doesn't look as though it has a long neck.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05But it has 14 vertebrae, so twice as many as a giraffe, and it is...?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- A chicken.- Turkey. - It's an owl.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10So we never think that, because the owl has got so many feathers,
0:13:10 > 0:13:14but it is how they're able to rotate their heads through nearly 360 degrees.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- That's amazing!- So they only appear short-necked because of the feathers.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Let's have a look at number three.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Is that a bat?- It is a bat.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Here's something I did not know before,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26is that bats' knees face backwards.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- Oh, yeah.- But despite this, some of them are still very good walkers.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33They recently discovered that vampire bats can chase their prey on foot,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36and we've got some video of a bat walking,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38which is not something that you see very often.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Oh, my God.- Whoa.- Yeah, really whoa.
0:13:40 > 0:13:46It's just like terrifying that not only can they fly at you in pitch-black, they can also run!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48It's like the worst nightmare.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50- Yeah.- Most nocturnal animals are ugly,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53and that's why they come out at night.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56That's a really offensive thing to say.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- OK.- Careful, Alan, you're going to get some children's teeth in the post!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Number four, let's have a quick look.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06The horns are the giveaway.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- Is it a goat?- Goat.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10No, smaller. Smaller than a goat.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Reindeer.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Yes, those famous small reindeer!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- Muntjac.- No, it's called a dik-dik.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Oh, yeah.- A "dick pic"?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21A dik-dik.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23No, not a dick pic!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I'd rather get one of those than a dick pic, to be honest.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Do you know why they're called dik-dik?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Cos they've got two dicks.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31So good they named it twice.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Because they've got two what, darling?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Oh...
0:14:36 > 0:14:38No, it's just I thought...
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Sorry, the rest of the class want to hear it now.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I was just saying...
0:14:44 > 0:14:48It seemed very important that you wanted to interrupt Sandi.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53I was just... I was just saying that maybe they have two dicks.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Yeah, no.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01It's the sound they make. It's a sort of warning cry.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02- Dick! Dick!- Yeah.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Dick! Dick!
0:15:08 > 0:15:12The thing I like about them, they are incredibly efficient with water.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17They have the driest poo and the most concentrated urine of any ungulate.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21All right. Well, clearly you've never spent a night in Wetherspoon's.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26And an extra point for that, because that's true, too.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Let's look at the next one.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Number five.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Is it a gorilla?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33It's really surprising.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34It is not a gorilla.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37What's the thing that always gets you, the klaxon, darling?
0:15:37 > 0:15:38A blue whale.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41It is a whale's fin.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42No way!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- What?!- It looks remarkably like the human hand.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49- That is amazing.- It even has thumb bones, and it's because, of course,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52it's a mammal, and all mammals evolved from an animal with the basic skeletal structure
0:15:52 > 0:15:55that includes five protrusions on each hand.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56So it's basically got mittens on.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- Yeah.- It's just a dolphin with oven gloves.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Yes.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07- Looking for an oven.- Let's have a look at the final one.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Is that a camel?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10It is a camel.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13It has a straight spine, because the hump is, of course, all fat.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14How can you tell it wasn't a horse?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- It didn't look like a horse, so... - There's no saddle on it.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- A camel's got no hoof.- Camel toe.
0:16:31 > 0:16:37You can use it for anything, anything. Anything that's slightly... Ooh! I'll sort you out.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38As the old saying goes,
0:16:38 > 0:16:42you can't always tell an organism from its osseous tissue.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44How is that an old saying?!
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Which ferocious beast is the world's most successful hunter?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Right, hold on. What is happening?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Is that Philip Green?
0:17:00 > 0:17:04It looks like you've gone to a fancy dress party dressed as Captain Mainwaring!
0:17:05 > 0:17:08It's terrifying. So, most ferocious...
0:17:08 > 0:17:12- It starts with an O. What ferocious species is the world's most successful hunter?- Hunter...
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Because hippos are really dangerous, aren't they?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It starts with an H.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- Oh, yeah.- Orangutans.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Otters.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33- Er...- Ostrich.- No, it's...
0:17:36 > 0:17:39The audience have offered up octopus.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Octopus is not it, either.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Not as easy as it looks, is it?!
0:17:45 > 0:17:49It is the creature that belongs to the order Odonata,
0:17:49 > 0:17:50so it is dragonflies.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- Dragonflies are... - What, they're killer?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54..the most successful hunters.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58They are thought to have the highest hunting success rate of any hunting
0:17:58 > 0:18:03creature on Earth, it's between 90 and 95% success rate.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08And here is the unbelievable thing, they don't track their prey, they intercept it.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12They calculate where the prey is going to be in the future.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14So instead of chasing it, like a lion might,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17they fly to where it's going to be and catch it there.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19So let's have a quick look. So there it is,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22it just seems to be minding its own business,
0:18:22 > 0:18:24and off it goes to catch its prey.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Now, let's have another look,
0:18:26 > 0:18:30because let's be really clear about where the prey was coming from.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32So have a look up in the red box,
0:18:32 > 0:18:36and you see the prey is coming in, and he's not flying towards it,
0:18:36 > 0:18:39he's flying away from it and over to the right, and catches it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43And it's the same thing that humans use to predict the future when they're catching a ball,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46but we don't really know how they're able to do it.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48There is a downside to being a dragonfly, I think,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50because the mating is very, very odd.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- So the male is a dik-dik. - Oh.- What does that mean, the male is a dik-dik?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- Double dick.- It's got two dicks! - Yes!- Two dicks!
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Well done, Nish. So the male has got two sets of sexual organs,
0:19:04 > 0:19:06so before inseminating the female,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08he sort of has to inseminate himself.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- He transfers sperm...- Yeah, yeah... I did that as well.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Transfers sperm from his testes to his sperm pouch, and then to his penis,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19and he's still not ready to inseminate, because he then...
0:19:19 > 0:19:21He's got a, sort of, shovel-shaped penis,
0:19:21 > 0:19:26and he uses it to scrape out any sperm from other males, before he then...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- APPLAUSE Yes.- Who is clapping that?!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31What the...?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- "What a bloke!"- There's a theory that that is why the male penis is
0:19:34 > 0:19:37shaped that way, to remove any sperm,
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- because they are assuming that woman probably has had sex with someone else.- So it's a scraper?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- Yeah, it's a scraper. - Very useful in the winter,
0:19:43 > 0:19:44if your car's frosted over!
0:19:47 > 0:19:49That as well!
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I could do a wing mirror!
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Right, moving on.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08What is a zookeeper's worst nightmare?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10- Yes?- Planet Of The Apes.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14I'm going to give you a point for that, very good.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Yes!- Is it an out of the blue redundancy?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22No. You've mentioned it already.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Orangutan?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Orangutans is the absolute answer.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Why? Are they always filing, sort of, sexual harassment cases?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32They are so adept at escape.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- Oh, really?- They work cooperatively, they learn very easily,
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- they're very patient, they're very determined. - They work out your routines.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40They do. They absolutely do.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43"It takes him 32 minutes to go and feed the zebras."
0:20:46 > 0:20:48"That is our window, my friend."
0:20:48 > 0:20:51You're right, Alan.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55They check out the zookeeper's routine, and see if there's a flaw.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57And then when he goes, they all put their caps on.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Put the shirt,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02three of them stand on top of each other as they're walking out.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07There was a wonderful orangutan called Ken Allen, and in the...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10in the 1980s, he was in San Diego Zoo,
0:21:10 > 0:21:14he was known as the Hairy Houdini, and he used to get out all the time,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16and then he'd stroll around having a look at the other animals.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19And he had a fan club called the Orang Gang,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and they had T-shirts and bumper stickers...
0:21:22 > 0:21:23He printed them all.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27He'd just nip out and get good deals on bumper stickers then come back.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29They couldn't work out how he was getting out,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32so they started to send in plainclothes zookeepers,
0:21:32 > 0:21:36sort of wearing touristy gear and sunglasses and trying to look casual,
0:21:36 > 0:21:38but Ken always spotted them.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43There were nine major break-outs by Ken and his fellow prisoners,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45and according to one local paper,
0:21:45 > 0:21:49"crowds cheering the apes on as keepers ran after them".
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Right, moving on.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Where's this guy going with that ox,
0:21:55 > 0:21:59and what's he going to do when he gets there?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Is it like an early boom box?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06I can tell you, as you can see because he's able to lift it,
0:22:06 > 0:22:10that the cow has been hollowed out, and why might...?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Is it before the invention of birthday cakes,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15people used to get strippers to jump out of cows?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Yes, it's that.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Not at a Hindu wedding!
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I hate to say this, but if someone's inviting a stripper to a wedding,
0:22:26 > 0:22:27that wouldn't...
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Is it to scare off another animal?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It's quite the reverse. It's to...
0:22:32 > 0:22:33- To encourage?- It's to be able to hide.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37This is Richard Kearton, he's one of the world's first wildlife photographers.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38So before the telephoto lens,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41in order to get a close-up you literally had to get close up.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43So if you wanted to take, for example,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46a photograph of a birds' nest with eggs in it,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48this is Richard and his brother Cherry Kearton.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49- Cherry?- Cherry, I know.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52They went, "Richard, let's have something different, Cherry".
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Richard and Cherry, pioneers of wildlife photography,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56they bought an ox from a butcher.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58They got a taxidermist to hollow it out,
0:22:58 > 0:23:03and they hid themselves in the ox with a lens sticking through a hole.
0:23:03 > 0:23:10One day, apparently, Richard fainted inside the ox, and it fell over, and his brother...
0:23:10 > 0:23:11LAUGHTER
0:23:13 > 0:23:15That's brilliant!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16So good!
0:23:16 > 0:23:21Cherry turned up an hour later and took the photo before he got his brother out!
0:23:22 > 0:23:26They more or less invented professional nature photography.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30Their subjects ranged from anything from flowers in the Yorkshire Dales to lion hunts in Africa.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32And before them,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35most nature photographs were stuffed animals placed in natural
0:23:35 > 0:23:38surroundings. But you can see, they abseiled down cliffs,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41they had those astonishing fragile box cameras slung to their backs.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42He's hot.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46- Do you think?- Yeah.- Cherry Kearton became the Attenborough of his age,
0:23:46 > 0:23:48he moved into wildlife documentaries.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- AS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: - Here from inside the ox.- Yes.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Now, what use is an ostrich in a car factory?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Are they indestructible?
0:23:58 > 0:23:59So...
0:23:59 > 0:24:02You can use them as, like, a crash test dummy.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07No. No, it's not that. So I'm going to give these out.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- Oh, dusters.- There you go, these are ostrich feathers,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13so what might you use them for?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Get yourself one of them, love.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19What might you use it for in a car factory?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Are the BBC just trying to cut back on cleaning,
0:24:21 > 0:24:24and just having us just dust down the set?
0:24:24 > 0:24:25Well, cleaning is the thing, Nish.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29It is in those hi-tech, very robotic factories where they make cars,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32ostrich feathers are still the best thing to dust the cars.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- The softest I've ever... - Yes, well, there's the point.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38So they have these sort of giant rollers, a bit like a car wash,
0:24:38 > 0:24:39made of ostrich feathers.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Female feathers apparently worked best.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- Of course.- Cleaning, innit. Bound to be a woman.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I knew you were going to say that!
0:24:50 > 0:24:54This from the man who said he could scrape the ice off a wing mirror with his cock!
0:24:55 > 0:25:00- We're doing that experiment in the next series.- I offered to try!
0:25:00 > 0:25:01So female feathers are the best.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04There are lots of grades, whose names are fantastic.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Whites are the best.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Come on, Sandi, I'm sat right here!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Jesus!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Just nick that out and make that a ring tone.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14"Whites are the best."
0:25:14 > 0:25:19There's whites, feminas, spads, blues, blacks, drabs and floss.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21They're all wonderful names, aren't they?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25You can't beat a good old ostrich feather duster, if you want a nice clean car.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Now, my little organisms, fingers on buzzers, please,
0:25:27 > 0:25:30as we enter the phylum of General Ignorance.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34How did all that oestrogen get into our water?
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Yes, darling?
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Um...
0:25:38 > 0:25:44What happened was, I put my hand down on the table,
0:25:44 > 0:25:46but I forgot that it was on the buzzer.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Yeah.- So I pressed the buzzer.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53So, I guess what I'm saying is they have two dicks.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Is it cos loads of women take the pill, and then they piss it out,
0:25:58 > 0:26:00and it goes back in?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03You did two in one go there, you did pill and urine.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14No is the answer.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Is that not true? Because a lot of people claim that.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20People do think that. The pill is responsible for about 1% only of the
0:26:20 > 0:26:23oestrogen found in the water supply, according to an American study.
0:26:23 > 0:26:2990% of the oestrogen entering into the water is the run-off from livestock manure.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Now, why do cows lie down?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Is it cos they're tired?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Yes, because they can't be arsed to stand any longer.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39It's their break.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42So, some people think that they lie down because it's going to rain.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46The fact is, cows get up and down 14 or so times a day,
0:26:46 > 0:26:49and at some point it may rain, because...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53They're a herd animal, so one of them will lie down,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56the others will think, "That is a marvellous idea."
0:26:56 > 0:26:58"Totally going to do that."
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Sometimes they do it cos they're cold, and it keeps their stomachs warm.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04They don't want a dry patch, then?
0:27:04 > 0:27:05- No.- I thought that's why they do it.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- I don't think they're that forward-thinking.- Like dogs know it's going to rain, don't they?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- Yeah.- They can feel something in the air that we can't,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13and then they'll start going under the bed.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17"The dog's gone under the bed, go and get the washing in."
0:27:17 > 0:27:20I don't think they're that forward-thinking, if I'm honest with you.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23No? I think you're under-estimating the cow.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I think what we're saying is no cow is a reliable weather forecaster.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30If you see cows lying down, it means one thing.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Cows enjoy lying down.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34And so the scores.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38At the bottom of the taxonomic table tonight with a fabulous -35,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40it's Alan!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:43 > 0:27:48Just emerging from the primordial soup with -22, it's Holly!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:52 > 0:27:58Slowly developing the ability to walk on land with -6, Nish!
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Two dicks, two dicks!
0:28:01 > 0:28:05And swinging through the trees like a good'un, it's our winner with -5,
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Cariad!
0:28:06 > 0:28:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:14 > 0:28:22And tonight's Objectionable Object prize is this lovely pair of mink penis bone earrings!
0:28:22 > 0:28:24There we are, congratulations!
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Thank you so much.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35- Anyone?- Thank you to Holly, Nish, Cariad and Alan.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38And we leave you with the words of the epigramist Logan Pearsall Smith,
0:28:38 > 0:28:40who wrote in one of his books,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43"These pieces of moral prose have been written, dear reader,
0:28:43 > 0:28:46"by a large carnivorous mammal,
0:28:46 > 0:28:50"belonging to that sub-order of the animal kingdom which includes also the orangutan,
0:28:50 > 0:28:54"the gorilla, the baboon with his bright blue and scarlet bottom,
0:28:54 > 0:28:56"and the gentle chimpanzee."
0:28:56 > 0:28:59From all the animals at QI, scarlet-bottomed and otherwise,
0:28:59 > 0:29:01until next time, goodbye.