0:00:23 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Good evening and welcome to QI,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41where tonight we'll be suffering all things odorous and odious.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45And joining me on our olfactory odyssey are
0:00:45 > 0:00:47the fragrant Nish Kumar...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:54..the aromatic Sally Phillips...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:01..the musky Ross Noble...
0:01:02 > 0:01:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:09..and... SHE SNIFFS
0:01:09 > 0:01:12..the unmistakable essence of Alan Davies.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:22And their buzzers are particularly odorous. Sally goes...
0:01:22 > 0:01:25# You've got to stop
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# And smell the roses. #
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Oh, I love that. Nish goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:36# Oh, I think I smell a rat
0:01:36 > 0:01:38# Oh, I think I smell a rat. #
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Oh, I wanted more of that. Ross goes...
0:01:42 > 0:01:46# I can smell it, baby
0:01:46 > 0:01:49# Can you smell it too? #
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Drinks half price. And Alan goes...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56FART
0:01:56 > 0:01:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Now...- Even on a show as high-brow as this...- I know.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08..that is still funny.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12The whole show is about smell, OK, so I've got these -
0:02:12 > 0:02:16scratch-and-sniff stickers that they often give out in schools
0:02:16 > 0:02:17for good work.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20So I've got strawberry, lemon meringue and grape,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23and if you do good work and are particularly clever,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- you could have a scratch-and-sniff sticker, OK?- Ooh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28So which would you want to go for - strawberry, lemon or grape?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I've got a cold, I can't smell anything at the moment,
0:02:30 > 0:02:31so, really, I'm easy.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34You're lucky cos you're next to Ross - it's the best thing.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38How dare you! These pants were fresh on last week.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I don't think, Sally... Can I just say, no woman should ever say,
0:02:41 > 0:02:45"I can't smell anything, I'm easy." I don't think that's...
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Every man's dream is a woman with no sense of smell!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50OK, let's start with some smells.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54What scent should you wear to attract a cougar?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Oooh!
0:02:56 > 0:02:58There's a double meaning at work here.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- Ah, you know me well... - You see...- Yes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- the...the vampy older lady... - Yes.- Bonjour.- ..the cougar.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Hi. An excellent example.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10You're calling Sally old?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14I'm fine with that. Easy, no sense of smell...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17It's a hell of a Tinder profile.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Are you swiping left or right at the moment, Nish?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23100% left.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25I don't even know what I just asked you. Um...
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Well, in 2003, the Wildlife Conservation Society tested
0:03:30 > 0:03:35a variety of scents to see which ones big cats find attractive.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Wow!- Now, why would they do this?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- Was it too busy in the perfume department of Boots?- Yeah.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Cos the thing about those women, you know in the make-up...
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- They're terrifying.- ..they've got those faces...- I know.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49..and a wild cat can rip at their face and have no effect.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54That's how deep the make-up is.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57No, what it is, you want to lure the big cats in
0:03:57 > 0:03:59towards camera traps for filming.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01So they discovered that there's a clear winner -
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Calvin Klein's Obsession kept big cats interested for 11 minutes.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Wow! Yeah.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11By comparison, Nina Ricci's L'air du Temps, 10 minutes.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14The effects of Revlon's Charlie, 15 and a half seconds.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- And some mild blistering.- Yeah!
0:04:19 > 0:04:24I thought they attracted wild cats with...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27piss...of other wild cats.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Well, that's a hell of a night out.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Grrr!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34How did you come to think this?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38I thought that they made ointments
0:04:38 > 0:04:41of the urine of other...
0:04:41 > 0:04:43of male...
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Yeah, they do, but it's called Lynx.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Right, we're going to play a game now.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- Time to play On The Scent.- Ooh.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58SAMBA MUSIC
0:04:58 > 0:05:00OK, I've got some descriptions of perfumes,
0:05:00 > 0:05:04and I want you to guess which celebrity they come from, OK?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08So, "Focused on the topic of decisiveness and persistence.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11"Its composition is based on sophisticated shades of spices
0:05:11 > 0:05:15"which are blended with citruses over a masculine, elegant heart
0:05:15 > 0:05:16"and a woody, leathery base."
0:05:16 > 0:05:19# Smell the roses... #
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Is it David Beckham?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- It is!- What?!- Wow!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Unbelievable.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Wait a minute... - It was the word "leathery".- Yeah!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Grape, lemon or strawberry?- I'll have grape, please.- There you go.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- That was amazing.- Thank you. - That's amazing, the way you did it.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Do you smell that and you go...
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- HE SNIFFS - .."Beckham's coming"?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44You have to smell it. There's no point just putting it on you.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I can't smell anything - I've told you, I've got a cold.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I never thought I'd say this to a woman, just scratch it and sniff...
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Ross can sniff it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53So, it's called Beyond Forever.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- I love it.- By David Beckham.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58OK, here's the next one. Ready?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00"The perfect accessory for the confident man determined to
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07"For those who aspire to create their own empire through personal
0:06:07 > 0:06:09"achievement, this dynamic scent is both compelling
0:06:09 > 0:06:11"and leaves a lasting impression.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12"Bold notes..."
0:06:12 > 0:06:14# ..smell it too... # Ross?
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Is it Rory Bremner?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Rory could probably do this person, I would imagine.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22- Donald Trump. - FART
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Yes! Yes!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I'm actually...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33I'm very, very pleased to actually have a...
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- FART - ..a trump sound.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40And it's called Empire, by Donald Trump.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- You wanted lemon meringue, didn't you?- Lemon meringue, yeah.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44You want them with sunglasses, or without?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- There you go. I gave you sunglasses...- Thank you so much.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- ..if that's OK.- I'm going to scratch quite hard.- Right.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Are you getting lemon meringue?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Quite a lot on my finger.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02No, hang on, that's not lemon...
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Oh, you're doing your own jokes there. "Ugh!"
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Right, last one. Uh... Ready?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16"Bass notes on a leather, peat fire, highland mud, burned rubber
0:07:16 > 0:07:17"and white truffle."
0:07:17 > 0:07:18# ..smell a rat... # Yes, Nish?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Is it Ross?!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Have you not got your own perfume in the...?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I've released many scents...
0:07:28 > 0:07:32..but...but not one that people would pay for.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I quite like the idea of a perfume called Noble Gas.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36I think that's...
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:41 > 0:07:43OK...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46I'm going to carry on with this one.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50"Heart notes are sharp and tempting with cigar, heather, fir and rubber.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53"Top notes complete the fragrance with fresh, spiced notes
0:07:53 > 0:07:56"of bergamot, black pepper, pine and whisky."
0:07:56 > 0:07:58# ..smell it too... #
0:07:58 > 0:07:59David Dickinson?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05It would have to say "creosote" if it was David Dickinson.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- It's a boy... - Is it George Clooney?
0:08:07 > 0:08:10No, it's the best name for a perfume ever, I think.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It is Cumming, by Alan Cumming.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16LAUGHTER
0:08:20 > 0:08:25Now, what will the Apocalypse smell like?
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Ooh...
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Well, there's four horses, so there's a start.- Yeah.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- A massive barbecue? - A barbecued horse.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Kind of. What other sort of smells might you find?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Well, there's pestilence. That's going to be a bit...
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- Pestilence is very bad.- A touch of...- That's going to be odorous.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I can't imagine plague's going to be a barrel of laughs as well.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46No, that's whiffy.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Well, here's the thing - there is a perfume specifically designed
0:08:51 > 0:08:53to smell like the Apocalypse.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55- What?!- And I have it here.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Two artists, Jon Thomson and Alison Craighead, they went through
0:08:58 > 0:09:02the Book of Revelation in the 1611 King James Bible
0:09:02 > 0:09:07and they put together everything that has a recognisable smell.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12So it's blood, rocks of the mountains, incense, wormwood,
0:09:12 > 0:09:16rod of iron, creatures of the sea, hail and fire, animal horns...
0:09:16 > 0:09:17HE COUGHS VIOLENTLY
0:09:17 > 0:09:20LAUGHTER
0:09:21 > 0:09:23..flesh...brimstone.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Eurgh, it smells like racism!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33That's a good name for a perfume - "Racism".
0:09:36 > 0:09:39So they passed this list to an Edinburgh-based perfume maker,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Euan McCall, and he turned it into a scent.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45A reporter for The Guardian newspaper had a sniff
0:09:45 > 0:09:47and described it as "digestive".
0:09:47 > 0:09:49What do you think it smells like?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Well, it smells, it smells of the Apocalypse.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53It tastes of...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55GROANS
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Weirdly, it tastes of Romford.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Is it unpleasant? I haven't actually smelled it.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I can't smell anything.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- VOICE STRAINED:- It gets right to the back of your brain.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13Now, why is the second smelliest man in the world so frustrated?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Is he frustrated because everyone's like,
0:10:16 > 0:10:18"You must be the smelliest person in the world.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- And he's like, "Yeah, you'd think..."- You'd think...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23"Do I have a certificate? No."
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Is it Boris Johnson?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- It's a cattle herder from India called Kailash Singh.- Oh.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36Now, he stopped washing in 1974 because a priest told him that
0:10:36 > 0:10:39he would have a son if he didn't bathe or cut his hair.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42So, it's 40 years later, he hasn't had a single bath or a shower.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45He's got six-foot-long dreadlocks.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47He's father to seven daughters, and, no...
0:10:47 > 0:10:48GROANS
0:10:48 > 0:10:53What, can you believe he's had sex at all? It's...breath-taking.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55There's the lovely place of Varanasi,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57on the banks of the Ganges there, where he lives.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00His family did once try and force him to bathe in the river,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03but he fought them off and said he would rather die.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06- So they killed him.- Yeah.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10But he now says he's going to wash in the next life.
0:11:10 > 0:11:11- Oh...- That's his plan.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13But he's only the second smelliest man in the world.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16The person currently believed to be the most unwashed man
0:11:16 > 0:11:18in the world is Amou Haji.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19We don't have a picture of him.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I think it would be too much for the cameraman to get...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24No photographer can get near enough.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27"Use the zoom!"
0:11:27 > 0:11:29"It's too much!"
0:11:29 > 0:11:32"The lens is fogging!"
0:11:32 > 0:11:34"Run, run!"
0:11:34 > 0:11:36He hasn't washed for over 60 years.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39He lives, not surprisingly, in a remote village.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42You'd have to do it like the cheetahs - you'd have to set up
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- a camera and then try and attract him towards it.- Yeah, lure him.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Where's his village?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49He lives in southern Iran, and he lives on roadkill.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52He gets more and more attractive as you go through.
0:11:52 > 0:11:57He particularly likes porcupine, and he smokes animal dung in his pipe.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00And if he needs a haircut, he burns his hair off with fire.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Hey, stop looking at me.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07We've been talking a lot about smell.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09How do you measure the unpleasantness of a smell?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11How might you decide?
0:12:11 > 0:12:15I mean, I don't know, but I once did a fart that was so bad, my dad...
0:12:15 > 0:12:19I didn't own up to it, and my dad went and got the Yellow Pages out,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22and he was looking for the number of a plumber
0:12:22 > 0:12:24because he thought a sewage pipe had leaked.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26LAUGHTER
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Did you not have a Labrador you could blame?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- Yeah, dogs' farts are bad. - Dogs, they're very bad.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35My dog used to get up...
0:12:35 > 0:12:39The only time she ever left the room was if she'd farted.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42She'd be lying there by the sofa asleep,
0:12:42 > 0:12:44and I'd be watching Morse or something...
0:12:45 > 0:12:47..and then she'd just get up and go in the hall.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51And then immediately, I'd have to pause Morse and get up and go.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54We both would have to stand in the hall...
0:12:56 > 0:12:59..for a period of time until it would clear.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02There was only the two of us in the flat.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Anyway, here's a thing -
0:13:05 > 0:13:08there's a Danish engineer called Professor Povl Ole Fanger,
0:13:08 > 0:13:11and he wants to create a new unit of measurement called an olf, OK?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15So one olf would be the emission of air pollutants
0:13:15 > 0:13:16given off by a standard person.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20And the idea is that any unpleasant smell could then be expressed by
0:13:20 > 0:13:21the number of people it would take
0:13:21 > 0:13:23to cause that level of unpleasantness.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25So you have an average person is an olf.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27And then, say that your fart,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31you know, well, "Wow, that's like 150 olfs", that it would be.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33- Yeah.- That was a lot of olfs. - That's a lot of olfs.
0:13:33 > 0:13:38My wife, her horses... Our bedroom has got a window,
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and the horses are out there, and they fart so loudly
0:13:41 > 0:13:43that sometimes I have to turn the telly up.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49So, on a summer's evening, just lying in bed there,
0:13:49 > 0:13:50put the telly on, and just hear...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- HE MAKES FART NOISE - ..like that.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55What they're eating, or was it a particularly...?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56They have to or they die.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00But are they particularly gassy, horses?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, God, yeah, horses, they're shocking.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I don't know how the Queen stands it in that carriage.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Unbelievable.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Honestly.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12- Just buy a car.- Yeah.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15That's why the hat's always at a jaunty angle.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Anyway, moving on...
0:14:19 > 0:14:22What do the UK's stink pipes do?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26It sounds like a barber shop quartet, doesn't it -
0:14:26 > 0:14:27The Stink Pipes.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Oh, that's a great title for a band, yeah.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- "And now The Stink Pipes." - It's an actual thing.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Indeed, you may have passed one on the way to the studio.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I think the nearest one to this studio is at Southwark Bridge.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Are they letting out odours from...the sewers?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Absolutely right, yes.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46- You can have another sticker.- Ooh! - You can have another sticker.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Very well done.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50There you are. Purple one.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Yes, you're absolutely right.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54They're sort of tall, hollow, cast iron pipes.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56They stand at quite often six to eight metres tall,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59and their purpose is to ventilate the potentially explosive...
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- But do they still work? - Yes, they still absolutely work,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04and they follow the routes of the main sewers.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Lots of them are still in operation.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07How cheap is that flat?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Yeah, that's not nice, is it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13You do have to update sewers
0:15:13 > 0:15:16because sewer explosions are not uncommon if they are not
0:15:16 > 0:15:18properly looked after and the gas isn't released and so on.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21So the River Fleet at King's Cross exploded in 1846.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23It destroyed a Clerkenwell poorhouse,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25and it smashed a Thames steam boat against Blackfriars Bridge.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Can we do anything with it yet?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Has some scientist managed to, you know, like create...
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- With the sewage? - ..create power or something?
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Well, the gas, they used to burn
0:15:33 > 0:15:36the gas off sometimes at the top of the stink pipes.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38In fact, in Sheffield, you can still see that,
0:15:38 > 0:15:39some of the gas being burnt off.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41But whether they could actually power things with sewage,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43that would be fantastic.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Right, time for a little food.
0:15:45 > 0:15:50I want you to smell this oil and tell me what has been added to it.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51There you go.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Is it truffle?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Well... SIREN RINGS
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Idiot. I'm an idiot.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59That's the thing with being
0:15:59 > 0:16:02a worldwide international restaurant critic...
0:16:04 > 0:16:06..when I get a taste of the truffle, I can't... Yeah.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Here is the thing -
0:16:07 > 0:16:11almost all truffle oil on the market has never seen a truffle.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14It's a mixture of olive oil and chemicals
0:16:14 > 0:16:15which gives it its truffle aroma.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18So what you do is you take methyl mercaptan, which is
0:16:18 > 0:16:21the main compound in bad breath and smelly feet,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24and you add it to some formaldehyde.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26I love the smell of truffle.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28The Epicureans said the scent smelled like
0:16:28 > 0:16:31the tussled sheets on a brothel bed.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35And medieval monks were not allowed to have truffles, because it
0:16:35 > 0:16:38was believed that it would make them forget their calling.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I don't know... These are unbelievably expensive.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43We have some actual truffles there.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51There's some surprising stuff
0:16:51 > 0:16:53in the world of food that you wouldn't know.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55So you wouldn't know mostly when you buy truffle oil
0:16:55 > 0:16:57that it's never been anywhere near a truffle.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00And also, can I recommend a book to you called
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Extra Virginity: The Sublime And Scandalous World Of Olive Oil, OK?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07And it turns out that there's a huge amount of
0:17:07 > 0:17:10fraudulent mislabelling in the olive oil world.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15Apparently, over 50% of olive oil sold in Italy is adulterated,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17and 75-80% in the United States is completely adulterated.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20You'd think you're getting that... Well, this is...
0:17:20 > 0:17:22They should have, on the extra virgin olive oil,
0:17:22 > 0:17:26just have, like, in brackets, "may contain slag".
0:17:26 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER
0:17:31 > 0:17:33APPLAUSE
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Definitely, possibly a double sticker on that one, I think.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42There's a double, so I think that was definitely...
0:17:42 > 0:17:43- Extra "phor"!- Excellent.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48Now, do you have the ability to sniff out crime?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Depends what kind of crime.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54He who smelt it dealt it - that is legally binding.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Today I probably couldn't sniff out a crime,
0:17:58 > 0:17:59because of the cold, aforementioned.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03But, I mean, I guess you could smell certain types of crime?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Well, they did some research in the Karolinska Institute in Sweden,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09a Professor Mats Olsson,
0:18:09 > 0:18:13and people can tell a criminal by smell as well as by sight.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17So they showed some video clips to people of crimes being committed,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and asked them to smell, at the same time,
0:18:19 > 0:18:21the body odour of the person who was committing it.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25And when there was a line-up, just by the smell of the person,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28they were able to work out, 70% of the time, which is exactly the same
0:18:28 > 0:18:33as a visual line-up, they were able to work out which person it was.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36If the shirt don't whiff, you must...acquit.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39That is the law.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I cannot wait to see the Swedish version of Sherlock,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- cos it's just him going... - HE SNIFFS
0:18:44 > 0:18:46"Smell-a-mentory, my dear Watson."
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- LAUGHTER AND GROANS - Hey, come on!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- APPLAUSE - Yes!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Oh, no. You've blown it.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58- Has he got any stickers?- Uh...
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- Have you got any stickers, Nish? - No.- He hasn't got any.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- No, cos I was going to ask for them back.- Take one back.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08But there are places... So in Alaska, Florida, New York,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10they use scent line-ups.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13But to fair, they use dogs, rather than human beings,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15because the human can smell with,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18we have about five or six million odour-detecting cells.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- A dog, how many do you reckon? - 10 million.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23220 million.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25And actually, even rabbits have more than us -
0:19:25 > 0:19:26they have 100 million.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29So, what we're going to do now is we're going to test out
0:19:29 > 0:19:31how a dog does on sniffing things out.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36I have here some contraband, which I am going to give to you, Alan.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37OK.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39And what I would like you to do is put it in your pocket...
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Put it in my... - ..and go and hide in the audience.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Go and hide in Croydon!
0:19:45 > 0:19:48So the audience have got special masks to put on.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51So if they could put, those who've got masks could put them on.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Oh, my God!- It's terrifying.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Urgh, it's like a sea of... It's awful.- Completely terrifying.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Now this is a very special episode of Jonathan Creek.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I never thought I'd be involved in a live game of Where's Wally?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13OK. We now welcome please to the studio, from the RAF Police,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Corporal Sam Robson-Rodriguez and Rex.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17APPLAUSE
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Sam, thank you so much for coming in and supplying us
0:20:28 > 0:20:30with the dummy contraband.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Tell me about Rex and what his job is.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Well, Rex is a five-year-old black Lab.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36His main job is to search for drugs
0:20:36 > 0:20:38anywhere we want to put him, basically.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39And how's he trained?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41How do you make him be able to do that?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Well, we start searching for, like, their toys, and then we just
0:20:44 > 0:20:47associate the toys with the drugs, so then they think they're searching
0:20:47 > 0:20:50for their toy, whereas in fact, we want them to search for the drugs.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52And how many scents can Rex recognise, do you think?
0:20:52 > 0:20:53He's trained on all the main scents,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55and basically anything you can make out of that.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57- So, he looks keen to get going. - He does.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Right, Sam, please, over to you, my lovely.- Thank you very much.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Rex. Come here.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I do hope nobody in the audience has got anything...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- Do you know what? I really hope somebody does.- NISH:- Yeah.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15That would be... Wouldn't that just be the best bit of telly ever?
0:21:15 > 0:21:18If you just... If he dragged someone to the floor and just,
0:21:18 > 0:21:19just dragged them out.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- A live drug-bust on QI.- Brilliant.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27He's so far...ignoring everybody. So that's good for that side.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32How will he...? How will he show if he knows?
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- They have either a stand indication or a sit indication.- Oh.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Is he sniffing your crotch, Alan?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- Is it in your left pocket? - Oh, my God!
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Let's have a round of applause, please, for Rex and Sam.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47APPLAUSE
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Sam and Rex, very good. Thank you very much.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02And thank you to all my Alans. What a very, very spooky sight that was.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- That was very, very spooky. - It was extremely unpleasant.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Right, it's time for the stinking miasma that is General Ignorance.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13In which country was the full bikini wax invented?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15# Smell the roses... # Sally?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I think I'm going to fall into a hole. I'm going to say Brazil.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's not right, is it?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22- SIREN RINGS No.- Argh!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- It's not Brazil.- Croydon.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26It's not Croydon. Any more? Any more?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Australia? America?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29It is America. It is in the United States.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32So, there's a woman called Jonice Padilha
0:22:32 > 0:22:34of J Sisters salon in Manhattan.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38They pioneered the Brazilian bikini wax in the early 1990s,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41and Playboy tried to patent it as an idea.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44And in order to stop them doing that, she said, "Oh, no, no,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46"you can't do that, it's tremendously popular throughout
0:22:46 > 0:22:49"my entire home country, and therefore it is unpatentable."
0:22:49 > 0:22:52And that is... You have to use proper wax there.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Never just think you can use honey.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57You speak from experience, then?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Oh, it stings in so many different ways.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04The salon still exists and it's opposite Trump Tower.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06So you can actually have a Brazilian
0:23:06 > 0:23:08and avoid being grabbed by the pussy at the same time.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13They came up with the process after other salons refused to wax
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- that area, apparently.- Oh, wow.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Apparently one of the world's most expensive car waxes
0:23:17 > 0:23:18is also Brazilian.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21It is called Carnauba wax, made from a palm tree
0:23:21 > 0:23:23that only grows in north-east Brazil.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Handy if you've got a hairy car. - Yeah.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28You can get a French wax as well,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31but it only waxes a strip down the middle of the bonnet.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Why should you be worried about how you store your toothbrush?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Is it to do with things that crawl around at night
0:23:38 > 0:23:40and crawl about your brushes?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43LAUGHTER
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- Do you think there are things crawling about your bathroom?- Yeah.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48If you put your toothbrush in the wrong place,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51it's more susceptible to interference from...from...
0:23:52 > 0:23:54..some creatures.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Are you worried about the Wombles?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01There is a common belief that if you keep your toothbrush
0:24:01 > 0:24:02in the same room as the toilet,
0:24:02 > 0:24:04it will get covered in faecal matter.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06So, here is the good news...
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Well, to be fair, that is true, but that's only after my wife
0:24:08 > 0:24:10and I had a bit of an argument.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14She told me two or three days later, so, you know...
0:24:15 > 0:24:17It's true. Your whole house has got faecal matter,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20but it has no effect on you whatsoever. It's fine.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23According to the American Dental Association, there's "insufficient
0:24:23 > 0:24:26"clinical evidence to support that bacterial growth on toothbrushes
0:24:26 > 0:24:31"will lead to specific adverse oral or systemic health effects."
0:24:31 > 0:24:35It's good, it's good to know, now I can use my toothbrush to just
0:24:35 > 0:24:38buff me downstairs. Free from worry.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40It's good to know you don't have to worry about creatures
0:24:40 > 0:24:42crawling around your toothbrush.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Really, really small cougars at night.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52Can you name an animal well known for playing possum?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- Is this a trick question?- Yes.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I've been playing this game for 15 years now...
0:24:58 > 0:25:00- and I smell a rat! - FART
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Ah.- A possum.- Possum.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05SIREN RINGS A possum, yay!
0:25:08 > 0:25:10- It isn't.- Feigning death, right, is that what that is?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11It is, it's called thanatosis.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13But it isn't the possum that does it,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17it is the expression that we use - it is the opossum.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- So it's one of those great confusions.- Irish possum.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23IN IRISH ACCENT: Which is an O'possum. An O'possum.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26The opossum is on the right there, the little white-faced one.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29And the possum is on the left. They're both marsupials.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31The possum actually lives in Australia,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33the opossum lives in the United States.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35And apart from them both being marsupials,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37there's not really much that they have in common.
0:25:37 > 0:25:38The similarity between the name
0:25:38 > 0:25:41stems from Captain's Cook's voyage to Australia.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44The naturalist Joseph Banks, he mistook the animals
0:25:44 > 0:25:46that he saw for American opossums.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49We were in Australia when my daughter was very little, and
0:25:49 > 0:25:52we used to go... The only way she'd go to sleep at night is if we
0:25:52 > 0:25:55could go out in the street and find a possum, and then she could rest.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- Aw.- And they used to walk along the telephone wires -
0:25:57 > 0:25:59that was the best place to find them.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03We had possums that lived in our roof, and they used to sigh.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06So you'd be watching the telly, and you would, you'd hear in the roof,
0:26:06 > 0:26:08you'd hear, "Oh..."
0:26:10 > 0:26:13They do it quite a lot, and you'd be sort of like, "They're off again."
0:26:13 > 0:26:16And then, "Oh..." There was one day, I was in the house by myself...
0:26:16 > 0:26:17What were you watching?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Well, this was the thing - I was watching documentaries,
0:26:20 > 0:26:22and there was a "Oh... Oh..."
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Did they want you to change channels?- Yeah.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27I put it onto the music channel - not a peep out of them.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31According to the Guinness Book of Animal Records,
0:26:31 > 0:26:35the smelliest animal on Earth is the zorilla, or striped polecat.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37You're going to love this.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40The emissions from their anal glands not only stink, but can temporarily
0:26:40 > 0:26:46blind predators and cause painful burning sensations on the skin.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48So that is a seriously stinky creature.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Yeah, and you can't get it out of your jeans.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54The smell, or the animal?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56"So, sorry, officer, er..."
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Just have a look at this VT, which I really love.
0:27:00 > 0:27:04The karaftohelix snail, it does the complete opposite of playing possum.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Have a look. Rather than retreat into its shell,
0:27:06 > 0:27:08it goes on the offensive.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11It uses its shell - look at that - as a battering ram to hit.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14- Oh, that's very cool. - Isn't that wonderful?
0:27:14 > 0:27:16That is very cool, to be able to do that.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18If I could swing my arse like that...
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- You wouldn't be wasting your time sat here, would you?- No.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27If you think you see a possum playing possum,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29then they're probably dead.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31So, let's check it out.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35In first place, coming up smelling of roses with three points,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37it's Nish.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I still haven't got a sticker.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45In second place, with minus two, Alan!
0:27:45 > 0:27:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:47 > 0:27:50In third place, with minus three, Ross.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52APPLAUSE
0:27:53 > 0:27:57In last place, stinking the place out, with minus five, it's Sally!
0:27:57 > 0:28:01APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:06So, we like to give a prize.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12Taking home tonight's prize, a truly odious odour -
0:28:12 > 0:28:16the actual scent of the Apocalypse goes to Sally. There you go.
0:28:19 > 0:28:23It only remains for me to thank Sally, Ross, Nish and Alan.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25And I leave you with this tall tale from a toilet.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Tallulah Bankhead was in a cubicle in the ladies'.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29"Do you have any toilet paper?"
0:28:29 > 0:28:31she asked the occupant of the next stall.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32"No," came the reply.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34"Then, do you have any Kleenex?" she asked.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36"Sorry, no," the lady said again.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39"Then, can you change a ten for two fives?"
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Thank you, goodnight!