0:00:22 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Good evening, and welcome to QI,
0:00:34 > 0:00:40where tonight we're up in the attic rootling through the tea chests
0:00:40 > 0:00:44and old suitcases in search of Quite Interesting Odds And Ends.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48And joining me on my rummage are an absolute treasure,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Romesh Ranganathan...
0:00:50 > 0:00:51APPLAUSE
0:00:53 > 0:00:56..a collector's item, Liza Tarbuck...
0:00:56 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:04- ..a guest of rare antiquity, Matt Lucas.- Hello.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09And look who else we've managed to dig up - Alan Davies.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11APPLAUSE
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Right, their buzzers are an O-ssortment of odds and sods.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Romesh goes...
0:01:21 > 0:01:25# Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. #
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Liza goes...
0:01:26 > 0:01:31# I said I've had too much of this and that. #
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Oh, I like that. Matt goes...
0:01:33 > 0:01:36# Needles and pins. #
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- These are jolly, aren't they? LIZA:- They are.- Ha. And Alan goes.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45# Sex and drugs and rock and roll is very cool indeed. #
0:01:45 > 0:01:46LAUGHTER
0:01:48 > 0:01:52OK, how's this for openers - what would you open with these?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54So, let's have a quick look.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57I've got number one here. Do you want to have a look?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59A door? A lock or something like that?
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Well, it's going to certainly open something that's difficult to open.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06A safe, a suitcase.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Your heart.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14That would be a story, I tell you.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Is it a device for...- Yes?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20..opening two unexploded party poppers?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- Oh, I want it to be that.- Yeah.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I see that you're wearing a very fine watch there, Romesh.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- What do you think that it might be? - It's for a watch.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37That's why we have you on this show,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40it's the sharpness of the mind that is so fantastic.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Is it...? No.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45No.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48It's the back case cover opener.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Yeah, so for a lady's...
0:02:50 > 0:02:53With a simple action, you can get the things closer together,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55or indeed further apart.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Yeah. So it could do a lady's watch or a gentleman's watch.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01And, also, you can measure the girth of your penis with it.
0:03:03 > 0:03:04Maybe YOU can, mate.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09You could measure the length of yours with that.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:15 > 0:03:18How did we get there so quickly!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I just don't understand the applause of recognition
0:03:22 > 0:03:24from members of the audience.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- Yes?- What...? Do you actually know? What do you do?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I'm not sure your watch is worth opening.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Thank you, Sandi. I was thinking to myself, I feel a bit victimised,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- it's been...- Sorry, I'm sorry. - But I don't mind, I don't mind
0:03:36 > 0:03:38people talking about my penis, but my watch.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- That's a step too far. - OK. Let's have a look at this one.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44You guys can have a look at that one
0:03:44 > 0:03:46and see what you think of that. That's number two.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Well, it's gynaecological, isn't it? If we're opening something.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It is opening something, but you may be at the wrong end.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Is that for, when you do a heart transplant, keeping the chest open?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- LIZA:- Oh!- So this thing here is also used in the same area.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- So this is another...- Oh, now you're talking.- Yeah. LIZA:- Is it mouthy?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- It is mouthy, darling, yes.- OK. - It's on the mouth side,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07do you want to try that? So it's something to do with the mouth.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08- So it's keeping the mouth...- Yeah.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11So, if you see, Matt, the thing that it's got, it ratchets open,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- but you would...- Is that right? - It is.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19So what is that for?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Turning the mouth into a...into a letterbox or something?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26They can edit that out.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36But the thing is, you can't get it out, Sandi, so...
0:04:36 > 0:04:38It's a cheap retractor. That's exactly how it works.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- Is it?- And so is that.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- No, so don't put that bit in your mouth, darling.- Oh.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I sound like a school teacher. Don't put that bit in your mouth, darling.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Put the black bit into your mouth, so...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Yes, so the middle bit, you put that in.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Well, how? My mouth isn't that big.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Well, you've got to close it first. The thing.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Oh. What, so put that in?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59No, put it around the other way, I think.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- LIZA:- I've been handling that. - The other way?- No, no.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I usually have someone who looks after me.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10And they help me out with things like this,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- I'm a little overwhelmed at this time.- You were heading
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- in the right direction.- What, in there?- Yes, put that in like that.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- And then open it up.- This? - Yes. And it... Yeah.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22That's exactly, it holds the patient's mouth open
0:05:22 > 0:05:24while they're heaving dental treatment.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- It's the stuff of dreams, isn't it? - Oh, yeah.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- What about this one? Anybody got any thoughts what that is?- Oh. Wow.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30So it's all about openings.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- LIZA:- If I was drunk, I'd say something that I won't say it now.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- No, go on, treat yourself. - Er, no, I can't possibly.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- Are you thinking about a butt plug? - LIZA:- Yes.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44Hold on, what are you, you're trying to get into the butt?
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Well, it's a drill, isn't it?
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Why do you want to plug your butt?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- Oh, well...- Well... - Well, basically...- Yes?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Isn't it to do with re-educating the muscle to tighten again?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- LIZA:- Oh.- "Re-educating" your arse!
0:06:00 > 0:06:04"Mum, Mum, I've got a lovely new job, I'm in education."
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Do you want to have a look? You can have a look. No?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- Is it anything to do with wine? - No, no, it isn't anything
0:06:09 > 0:06:12to do with wine. We're still in the human body. In fact, weirdly,
0:06:12 > 0:06:15we're in exactly the same place as we were before with the mouth thing.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- In the mouth?- And, so, what it is, it's an emergency mouth-opener.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21So, say somebody had got lockjaw or there was some reason why they
0:06:21 > 0:06:25couldn't open their mouth, it is an emergency way of opening the mouth.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Can I advise that you use it as that before you use it as a butt plug?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- Have you got number four there?- Yes.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35OK. What do you think that might be?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Be very careful. I do not want you to hurt yourself.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I believe that is used for injuring panel show contestants.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46It's all the straps, it feels like it's something to do with a horse.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- It is exactly something to do with a horse. LIZA:- Thank God!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- Yeah. It is an equine mouth-opener. ALAN:- Oh.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54It is used by vets to hold the horse's mouth open.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Sometimes their teeth need rasping, because they get a sort of
0:06:56 > 0:06:59sharp point with their teeth and it hurts them with the bit.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01And so you need to open their mouth and just file it down.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03So, dental work for horses.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Yeah, so it's quite a... It is quite a sharp...
0:07:06 > 0:07:08LAUGHTER
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Let's try the next one. Any thoughts about that?
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- LIZA:- It's a piercing for something. What shape is it going into?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Ah, well that's to put a hole into your bottom
0:07:18 > 0:07:20if you don't already have one.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Do you know, it looks like a chipolata torturing device,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- is what it looks like.- Why would you want to torture a chipolata?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30If you're, like, a militant vegan, or something, I don't know.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Yeah, yeah. It isn't that. - This looks quite kitcheny.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- It is kitcheny.- Is it for an egg?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37No, it isn't. It is an oyster opener, an oyster shucker.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40So, rather than inserting a knife, where you can actually hurt
0:07:40 > 0:07:42yourself, you do it with one of those. The other thing to do
0:07:42 > 0:07:44is go to a nice restaurant, and somebody will do it for you,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46which I think is even easier.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49On the food front, I have one of these which I...
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- LIZA:- Oh, hello.- ..it seems slightly pointless.- Is it an egg?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55It's an egg opener. Want to try it, anybody?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- No, I'm fine thank you. - Come on, I'll have a go.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59OK, the boys will do this, there we go.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- So you put it round the egg and squeeze it?- Yeah.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Well, I think you have to squeeze and then twist it off,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06like a sort of beheading. OK.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Is this going to be a trick egg?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, darling, honestly, it's just boiled.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Give it a turn at the same time. EGGSHELL CRACKS
0:08:11 > 0:08:12There.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- Ah, that is good, it makes the egg look hideous.- Yeah.
0:08:19 > 0:08:24So, that closes openers. And now an odourless question.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Where can you find the largest collection
0:08:26 > 0:08:28of things that don't smell?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30# ..pins. #
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- Matt?- Is it in the sea?
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Oh, right. Why do you think that?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Because, I mean there's salt,
0:08:35 > 0:08:39but salt doesn't have a very strong smell.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41No. And neither do fish, famously.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45No. But I, what I am proposing...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Yes, yes?- ..and I'm clever, is...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50..is that once you are under the water...
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Right?- ..you can't smell.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Have you tried to smell under the water, anybody?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57That doesn't mean it doesn't smell.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Well, if a tree falls in the forest...
0:09:02 > 0:09:07- ..and it doesn't smell...- No. - ..then...it... Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12- We are in the town where I was born. - Copenhagen?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Copenhagen, we're in wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17What are the things that old statues might lose as they get
0:09:17 > 0:09:19transported about, or over the years? What might they lose?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- Fingers.- Private parts.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23OK, yes, I was going to, again, go higher,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26but you've just gone with that side of the thing.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Noses, they lose their noses,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31and, so, there is THE most glorious art museum in Copenhagen,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34it's called the Ny Carlsberg Glyptotek
0:09:34 > 0:09:37and it contains a Nasothek. It is a collection of noses.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39In the 19th century, museums used to repair them,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42so there used to be a collection of noses used to repair statues.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44This was a thing that we don't do any more
0:09:44 > 0:09:46because now we think we should leave the statue exactly as it is.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Have we got any photos from the penis museum?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Yes, is the truth of it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Lots of statues lost their penises - that is entirely true.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57- Right.- But that was on purpose, wasn't it?- Due to prudery, yeah.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Yeah, absolutely.- So about 80% of the male nude statues
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- in the Vatican Gardens are missing their members.- Oh, no,
0:10:02 > 0:10:04cos I just thought I was average.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Are you saying they've been taken off?- They've been taken off
0:10:09 > 0:10:11and they say there's a secret room
0:10:11 > 0:10:13in the Vatican that has all of them in it.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18If your statue has no nose, it might be found in a museum in Copenhagen.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21So, here's a collection of odd-sounding O words
0:10:21 > 0:10:24and I'd like you to pick one and use it in a sentence, please.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26A cum-spliff, what the f...?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29LAUGHTER
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- IN VAGUELY DUTCH ACCENT: - "Oh, ja, a cum-spliff.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- "Ja, cum-spliff, ja." - It doesn't take long,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- it doesn't take long at all. - "Oppenchops, cum-spliff."
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Are you doing, are you doing "oojah-cum-spliff?"
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Yeah...- Is that your one? - Doing a cum-spliff.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- What is your sentence, please, Alan? - "Oh ja, a cum-spliff."
0:10:50 > 0:10:51It's a...
0:10:52 > 0:10:55It's a Dutchman having a joint in a brothel.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Cum-spliff? - I don't want it, I don't want it.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Get it away from me, man.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10You'd be no fun in a brothel, would you?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13"Oh, look at Rom, he doesn't want the cum-spliff, what a prude!"
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- Oojah-cum-spliff means all fine and dandy.- Yeah, I bet it does.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Earliest use found in PG Wodehouse. - I've got one.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Yeah, go on, then, Matt.- Tottenham had their best season for years,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29they came first in the league... Ohnosecond.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Oh, very good. OK. Ohnosecond. So it's sort of right, actually,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- because in computing...- Well, it is right, they didn't win
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- anything at all.- No, in...- They've won nothing for years.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- They're rubbish.- But actually, your definition for it
0:11:42 > 0:11:44is not too far off, because in computing what it is,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47it's the moment you realise you've made a mistake.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49So it is a computing, you go, "Ohnosecond."
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Oh, right. OK. - I don't think yours was too far off.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Come on Liza, let's have one from you.- I'm drawn to "obsolagnium."
0:11:55 > 0:12:00OK. It's not a good word, it's waning sexual desire due to age.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04And I was drawn to it.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- ALAN:- You're surrounded by it at the moment.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Oppenchops, Lancastrian slang for a gossip.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Octodesexcentenary.- OK, that is probably the strangest, I think.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20It's the 100th anniversary of when your octopus's penis fell off.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24It is...it is a really specific thing.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26It's something that lasts 592 years.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30It arose in connection with a particular calendar, the lunar solar
0:12:30 > 0:12:33calendar, devised by a 17th-century mathematician called Thomas Lydiat.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- And he thought of the word? - And he thought of the word.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40- It is a very specific word for 592. - I'd have loved him.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Not with your waning sexual desire.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Now, brace, brace, brace!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57I don't, I don't think that's funny.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- I don't think that's funny. - That hit me on the nose.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- That is awful.- Well, we know where we can get another one.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Fortunately, we can get oxygen for you and a new nose, you're absolutely right, Liza.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I'll take you to Copenhagen, we'll sort your nose out.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11So, my question is, what's in the canister
0:13:11 > 0:13:14on the other end of the pipe that you've got?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Oxygen?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Oh, no.- He said it.- No, he said it. - You said it.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- He said it.- Don't put the blame on me.- He said it, 100% he said it.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26No, it's a mix of chemicals that make oxygen.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28It's something called an oxygen candle.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32So, there's a very fine white powder, and a spark is generated
0:13:32 > 0:13:36and it sets off a chemical reaction which releases oxygen.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39But these canisters, there are oxides and they basically
0:13:39 > 0:13:41take up a whole lot less room than a whole tank of oxygen.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45I think you both look absolutely fantastic!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Typically, an oxygen candle will last 20 minutes.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50But it's enough time for the plane to get down to where you can
0:13:50 > 0:13:52breathe the air.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Right, let's give a really hard pull on the pipe and it will...
0:13:55 > 0:13:56We can get rid of it, there we go.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Wonderful. Now, from planes to trains.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03On which train did the Murder On The Orient Express take place?
0:14:03 > 0:14:04The Orient Express.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- You're a good sport, Alan.- You're a very good sport.- Thank you so much.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Well, sometimes, you know, they go, yes, that's correct.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- "Yes, that is correct." - But never when I say it.- No.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17The murder took place on AN Orient Express,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20but not the one that you are thinking of. So...
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Well, no, we're thinking of the one that the murder took place on.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Yeah, exactly, that's right.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28I'm sorry, I didn't know you lived inside my brain.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Well, there were several train services in the 1930s which
0:14:31 > 0:14:34included the words "Orient Express" in the name. And...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Yeah, and those are the ones we were thinking of.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Well, what is the full name
0:14:38 > 0:14:40of the one where the murder took place, then?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43We were thinking of the one where it took place.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45We don't have to say the name of it.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49We just... All of us demand the points.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Sorry. There were lots of different Orient Expresses.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Agatha Christie's took place on the Simplon...
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Simplon Orient Express, yes. Yes.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04- Yes. Named after?- It's Peter Express.- Mr Simplon.- I don't know.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09The Simplon Orient Express, named after the Alpine tunnel,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and that linked Calais and Paris and Istanbul every day.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13There is a different train service,
0:15:13 > 0:15:15commonly known as THE Orient Express,
0:15:15 > 0:15:19and that only carried Paris/Istanbul cars three times a week.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- I didn't even know that one existed. - Have you been on it?
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- No.- Oh, it's the most marvellous experience.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- It's absolutely fantastic.- Is it?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Yeah, it really is worth it. It's eye-wateringly expensive,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30but you get a butler of your own. And I took my mother, it was
0:15:30 > 0:15:33for her birthday, and the butler came along and he said,
0:15:33 > 0:15:36"Good evening, madam, my name is Tybalt," and you just think, wow,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39it's... The guy from Romeo and Juliet is going to service me.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Was there Wi-Fi or 3G on the Orient Express?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Because that for me is generally the...- No.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49That's what they meant,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52there's no Wi-Fi, it is murder on the Orient Express.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Here's a list of organs.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59You all own one of them, but which is it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- Well, I would have thought a sperm stomach...- Yes?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05..would have been for a whale.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Oh, OK. It is for an animal.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10It is, strictly speaking, called a bursa copulatrix.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12It's not for a whale. Where might you find such a thing?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15It's tiny, a tiny little, tiny.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- So it's a bird?- No.- Then why were you doing that?
0:16:19 > 0:16:20- No, but it is...- Oh.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23But, no, in fairness, it is clearly an animal that flies...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- A butterfly.- Yes. No, he got it. Butterfly.- Butterfly.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- It is a butterfly.- Oh. Sandi did a mime that, what else could it be?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31It's the reproductive system for the butterfly,
0:16:31 > 0:16:35and it digests nutrients from the male's sperm package.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38All female butterflies will have a sperm stomach.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Right, let's try some more. Let's see.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42So we're looking for the organ that we have.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44We do not have a sperm stomach.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Have you got a smart vagina?
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I... It's terribly tidy. Um...
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I have a woman in twice a week.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07No, I do not, but some animals do. Grevy's zebra, for example.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10And they can co-ordinate the muscular contractions in order
0:17:10 > 0:17:15to flush out semen if a male fails to live up to expectations.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19And here's the depressing thing for the boy - the sperm dumping
0:17:19 > 0:17:25can happen even before the underperforming male has dismounted.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28She just goes, "Boof, not having it. No."
0:17:29 > 0:17:32So, genetically, she knows that this guy isn't the best she could do?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- That's exactly right, she has decided.- So, regarding
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- babies and stuff.- Yeah, he's not the best gene pool.- Yeah.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Better to do that than shake him off.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- You don't want to cause trouble, do you?- Don't want to make a scene.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- No.- You might then put off the other zebras. They'll think,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- "Well, she looks tricky. She's just thrown him over a fence."- Yes.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50"I'll tell you what, mate, I wouldn't bother with her,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52"she's got one of them new-fangled smart vaginas."
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- So, that's probably got Wi-Fi too, hasn't it?- Yeah, I would say.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02So, we're still looking for the thing that we have.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05We don't have a sperm stomach, we don't have a smart vagina.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- What might we have? One of those. - Have we got a mesentery?
0:18:08 > 0:18:09- A mesentery?- We absolutely do,
0:18:09 > 0:18:14that is the very thing that we were looking for. We do have a mesentery.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17And it, basically, it's a fairly recent thing,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19it connects the intestine to the stomach,
0:18:19 > 0:18:21and we did not know that it was actually an organ in its own right.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24So there's a chap called Professor J Calvin Coffey,
0:18:24 > 0:18:26from the University of Limerick.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29And he says, "Without it, you can't live. There are no reported
0:18:29 > 0:18:33"incidents of a Homo sapiens living without a mesentery."
0:18:33 > 0:18:37And nobody entirely knows what it does.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39"We've established anatomy and structure
0:18:39 > 0:18:40"and the next step is function."
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Let's have a quick look at the other ones. Paddywhack, anybody?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Well, it makes me think of a dog chew.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- That is exactly right. Give the dog a bone, right.- Yeah.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Yeah. So dried paddywhack is sometimes sold as a dog treat,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53which is where we get the saying from.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Is it something from a pig, then?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59It's the load-bearing ligament in the neck of sheep or cattle.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01It connects the head to the spine.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04And the other one, mental glands, it's a pheromone delivery system
0:19:04 > 0:19:07found in the male salamander's chin.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10As part of the courtship, the male sprays his scent
0:19:10 > 0:19:12right into the female's nostrils
0:19:12 > 0:19:15and then he deposits a pack of sperm on the ground.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18And if the female detects his scent with her mental glands,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21and she wants to mate, then she'll pick it up. So she picks it up.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Oh, that's nice.- Yes, it's rather sweet.- That's like a sort of
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- Edwardian courtship, isn't it?- Yes. Yes. "Madam, my sperm."- Yes.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Now, what animals begin with O
0:19:33 > 0:19:36and are rescued more often by the Fire Brigade than cats?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38- # ..pins. #- Yes, Matt?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Is it ostriches, because they keep burying their...
0:19:42 > 0:19:46..burying their heads... Burying their heads in the sand.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- And they...- So, two things are wrong with that.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Right.- One is they don't bury their heads in the sand, that is a...
0:19:50 > 0:19:53- Well, I...I...I am not wrong. - No.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Yes?- I think it is an opossum.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Oh!
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- The audience said owls, did we hear them?- Owls, did we have owls?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08You lose points!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Is it, is it ocelot?
0:20:11 > 0:20:12No.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16- Is it the... Is it... let's try this one on them.- Yeah.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Is it the four-legged onion? Ah-ha! You didn't get in there, did you?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Ah-ha!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24- No, it is not the four-legged onion. - Right, OK.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26- It's a human animal, it's an obese person.- Oh!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- They now rescue... - Oh, an obese person.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- Yeah.- But they're still, hold on, they are still people.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Once they get to a certain weight, they're no longer human,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37as far as we're concerned.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39But we're all part of the animal kingdom.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43There were more than 900 such cases from January to September in 2016.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Up from around 30 cases ten years ago.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Well done for getting up the trees, though.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- No, it's people not being able to leave their home.- Suddenly you go,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- "There's one."- I just saw there were loads of apples.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59"There's one."
0:20:59 > 0:21:01"How did you get up there?"
0:21:03 > 0:21:05"Trampoline, it was a trampoline.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09"But they've moved it now.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12"Now it looks like a miracle, but it was a trampolining incident."
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I think the most famous, possibly, an American man called
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Walter Hudson, he was rescued by the American Fire Department,
0:21:19 > 0:21:221987, after he got wedged in his bathroom door.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27It is estimated that he weighed 1,400lbs, but it's only
0:21:27 > 0:21:30an estimate because the industrial scale that he was being weighed on
0:21:30 > 0:21:33broke after a 1,000lbs so we don't know exactly.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- Wait a minute, that's 100st. - Yes. Yes. 1,400lbs.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- Oh, that, yeah, that's 100st, yeah. - It's 100st, yeah.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44He held the Guinness World Record for the world's largest waist.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47If you hold that end and you hold that.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49That would have been the size of his belt.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I've got a description of his average daily diet.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Two boxes of sausages, 1lb of bacon, 12 eggs,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57a loaf of bread, four hamburgers, four double cheeseburgers,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00five large portions of fries, three ham steaks or two chickens.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Four baked potatoes, four sweet potatoes,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05most of a large cake and additional snacks.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And an average of 6.5 litres of soda every single day.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Well, at least he didn't finish the cake.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- It's good to look on the bright side of things.- Yeah.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Now we crash through the floorboards and land in the mess of plaster
0:22:19 > 0:22:20and insulation that is General Ignorance.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Where are your fattest fat cells?
0:22:25 > 0:22:30Well, I suppose you want us to say on your stomach?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- Yes, and you'd be right. - Yes, of course.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:35 > 0:22:39- See?- So you're absolutely right.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43As people get obese, what happens is the fat cells in our midriff,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46they don't proliferate, they just get fatter.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So, the fat cells in our thighs can multiply,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51but the ones that we have round our midriff, they just get fatter.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Now, you don't really want to have belly fat, because what we now
0:22:54 > 0:22:57know about it is that it's actually biologically active, belly fat.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00It is releasing hormones into your system,
0:23:00 > 0:23:02and that could increase your risk of heart disease and so on.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04So you don't want to get more of them,
0:23:04 > 0:23:06because they're incredibly bad for you.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09So, they did a study, the NHS, 91% of mothers
0:23:09 > 0:23:12and 80% of fathers of overweight children
0:23:12 > 0:23:14mistakenly think that their children are a healthy weight.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Well, I'm the exception, because all my mum does is say,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19"Well, you need to shift some of that." She says it to me a lot.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Does she?- And then she just keeps trying to make me eat more food.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27My mum used to give me so much food when I was going to school,
0:23:27 > 0:23:29like she'd give me, like, jam sandwiches, not for lunch,
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- for break time, right.- Right.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36And the school became concerned, and phoned my mum and said,
0:23:36 > 0:23:38"Look, we're a bit worried about it." And you know what she did?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41She told me to hide when I was eating my jam sandwiches.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48- That's good parenting.- Yeah. - That is really good parenting.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52From the fattest to the flattest.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55What's the most featureless place on earth?
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Well, hmm.- So where were you when you talked about things
0:23:58 > 0:24:01that don't smell? Where did you go when you talked about...
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- # Under the sea. #- So, that is where we're going to go,
0:24:03 > 0:24:04we're going to go under the sea.
0:24:04 > 0:24:09It is something called the Abyssal Plains. And it's undersea areas
0:24:09 > 0:24:11of sediment, and their slopes can be really shallow,
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I mean unbelievably shallow, like one foot per thousand.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15And what happens is the sediments wash off the land,
0:24:15 > 0:24:20and over time they spread out to form a smooth and level surface.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22And it's home to the world's deepest fish that you get
0:24:22 > 0:24:24right down at the bottom there.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25Are those the really freaky...? Oh, yeah.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Oh, yeah. Now you're talking. - Yeah.- Oh, mate.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I mean these are angler fish you can see there.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- I think they are astonishing. - God, that one in the middle
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- just looking through your window. - And we're there.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36And they're really deep, so you can really,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38like, talk to them about, like, real issues.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Have a quick look at this, which is my favourite fact about the Pacific.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46So I've got my globe here,
0:24:46 > 0:24:50so you can see how large the Pacific is, it covers this enormous area.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52There is a point in the Pacific where,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54if you drilled down through the centre of the earth,
0:24:54 > 0:24:58so that is off the coast of Vietnam near Hai Phong, and you came back
0:24:58 > 0:25:02out exactly on the other side, you would still arrive in the Pacific,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05you'd be off the coast of South America at the Chile/Peru border.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That just gives you some idea, that is exactly halfway,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10right through the whole planet, that the Pacific is that big.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Oh, I love it. I love it when a fact is pointed out to you
0:25:12 > 0:25:14and you don't have to have this whole mass of stuff.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- But this is rather fine, isn't it? - Yeah.- Rather an astonishing one.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Well, no, I don't think it is, I think you're going to get
0:25:19 > 0:25:22very little for that on eBay, because you've completely ruined it.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26The most featureless place on earth is underwater.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Who invented this and what does it say?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32IRREGULAR BEEPS
0:25:35 > 0:25:38I'm going to have to say Morse, aren't I?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Yeah, you are going to have to say Morse, I think.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Get it out of the way.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44It's probably the most famous Morse code signal ever sent.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47SOS? Is it three dots and three dashes?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50No. It's CQD that is being sent,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53it's the Marconi distress message that was sent from the Titanic.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55People now say it means "Come quick drowning,"
0:25:55 > 0:25:56but that's what you call a backronym.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58In fact, CQ was for the French "securite"
0:25:58 > 0:26:01and then Marconi added the D for Distress.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04And so, "We have a distressing security issue."
0:26:04 > 0:26:09But the issue about Morse code is that it isn't really a code
0:26:09 > 0:26:12and that Morse didn't really invent it. It involved transmitting
0:26:12 > 0:26:15numbers, Morse code, which you, then looked up in a special dictionary
0:26:15 > 0:26:17to see what word they represented.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20And it was Morse's colleague, this man here, Alfred Vail,
0:26:20 > 0:26:21who came up with the idea of using
0:26:21 > 0:26:23letters and assigning dots and dashes to each one.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26So, probably Morse code should be called Vail's code.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28But, actually, it should be Vail's cipher.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31So, we had a letter from a QI viewer, Phil Boyd,
0:26:31 > 0:26:35and he pointed out that a code replaces whole words with symbols
0:26:35 > 0:26:38and a cipher replaces individual letters.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42So, strictly speaking, Morse code ought to be called Vail's cipher.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Anyway, moving on, how many moons did the Earth have?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49AUDIENCE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY
0:26:53 > 0:26:57So, we've covered how many moons Earth has many times on QI.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58We're looking at the past here.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Ten.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Yes?- None.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14There is new research which suggests that our current moon is
0:27:14 > 0:27:16the result of about 20 separate moons that have
0:27:16 > 0:27:18coalesced into one over millions of years.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22So, since the moon and the Earth are made of rather similar materials,
0:27:22 > 0:27:24it is thought that the moon formed
0:27:24 > 0:27:27when an object hit the Earth and it sent debris up into space.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29And they've run thousands of simulations
0:27:29 > 0:27:32and they concluded there were lots of moons, at least 20,
0:27:32 > 0:27:35each one formed from a different collision.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37So it is possible that we originally had 20 moons.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40So, where have all the moons gone, then?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- They've coalesced into one, so... - Oh, they're all one big moon.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44They've been drawn together, yeah.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48The Earth had 20 moons, but now has only approximately one.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51All of which shines a silvery light on to the darkness
0:27:51 > 0:27:55which is the scores. Oh, this is tragic.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59In last place, with -52, Alan.
0:27:59 > 0:28:00Thank you so much.
0:28:03 > 0:28:09- Also a quite phenomenal -36, Liza.- Hey! Get in!
0:28:11 > 0:28:12And -29, Romesh!
0:28:16 > 0:28:20You've done it Matt, you've done it, with a magnificent -7,
0:28:20 > 0:28:21- you are the winner.- Hurrah!
0:28:27 > 0:28:31So, Matt takes home our objectionable object of the week,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34and it's this weird device for holding a horse's mouth open
0:28:34 > 0:28:35while you fix its teeth.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37There you are Matt, that's for you. Wow, it's heavy.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41- Wow, thanks very much.- You're most welcome.- Wow, thank you.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45It only remains for me to thank Liza, Matt, Romesh and Alan.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47And I leave you with this,
0:28:47 > 0:28:51from a Randy Scandi Norwegian Nobel Prize winner, Knut Hamsun.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54When returning from his first trip to Paris, a friend asked,
0:28:54 > 0:28:57"At the beginning, didn't you have trouble with your French?
0:28:57 > 0:28:59"No," replied Hamsun, "but the French did."
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Merci bien, et bonne nuit.