0:00:03 > 0:00:03HE INHALES AND EXHALES
0:00:05 > 0:00:08I think I might have cracked it, Ben.
0:00:08 > 0:00:09Remember the dosage.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Write it down.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Have you put his lights out?
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Butterworth.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Is he dead?
0:00:17 > 0:00:21No, he's asleep. I've created a device for the inhalation of ether.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25Mr Walker has decided you've had long enough to pay the owings.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28If Mr Walker can wait just a little bit longer, that device is going to
0:00:28 > 0:00:29make my fortune.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33GLASS SMASHES Oh! That was the only one.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35I've had enough of your gabble.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Now, if you don't give me the money, I'm going to set fire to your head.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41I'll need my head to make the money, won't I?
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Don't be clever!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- You have bumped him, haven't you? - No, I told you, he's as...
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Hold on, how about I give you...
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Oh, a shilling! And you tell Mr Walker I wasn't here.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- He'll only send me back for it tomorrow.- I know.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04- And I'll set fire to your head then. - And then I'll have the money.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10You better have it tomorrow.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15DOG WHINES
0:01:15 > 0:01:19When he wakes up, tell him something came up and I had to pop out.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Sorry.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22CLATTERING
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Knife.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'm thinking of joining the Society of Apothecaries.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56HE LAUGHS
0:01:56 > 0:01:58SHE LAUGHS
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Very good.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Well, there's only so much I can learn from reading
0:02:03 > 0:02:06and perhaps I would make useful acquaintances.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I shall need them if I ever hope to become a doctor.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I could be the toast of the Westminster Medical Club.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Oh, you are a funny little chaffinch.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Excuse me.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Oh, darling, perhaps you could purchase some thread today.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- My hems need re-stitching.- Mmm.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Oh, and perhaps a pheasant for this evening.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I'm a little tired of beef and lamb...
0:02:37 > 0:02:38..and ham.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Hmm.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Do you know why you're in shackles, Harold?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I attacked one of the spies.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- She was a nurse. - She was a spy disguised as a nurse.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58You broke her arm.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01They came to arrest me, I had to fight back.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I thought we'd made some progress on this, Harold.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Do you remember last week when we did our paintings?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14How we spoke about the difference between reality and perception?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17The revolutionaries want me dead
0:03:17 > 0:03:20because they think I'm a French noble.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Do you know they're planning to
0:03:21 > 0:03:23seize control of the British Parliament?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27We decided, didn't we, that perhaps your mind, or rather
0:03:27 > 0:03:30a section of your mind, is making improper connections?
0:03:30 > 0:03:35They have machines hidden under the Houses of Parliament.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39They're planning to blow gases extracted from horse farts up
0:03:39 > 0:03:42into the House of Commons in order to seize control of our MPs' minds.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44HAROLD LAUGHS
0:03:44 > 0:03:47The House of Commons will be filled with horse farts?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49And I shall be tried and beheaded.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51There's to be a trial.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54But I shall kill myself before I give THEM the satisfaction.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57What if you were found innocent?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59HE LAUGHS
0:04:02 > 0:04:04I hadn't thought of that.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Can I help you?- Is this the lecture on uterine disease?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I'm afraid the lectures are for members only.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Well, you didn't stop him.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- I assume he's a member. - You assume?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28I may not recognise them all, but I do know that none of them are women.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Then I should like to apply to be the first.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34We cannot allow it.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Why ever not?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Can it make the slightest difference to the manner in which
0:04:39 > 0:04:41I read a paper or comprehend a lecture?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Well, in short, yes, it can.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47A woman's greater sensitivity makes her susceptible to strenuous
0:04:47 > 0:04:50overstimulation from excessive reading or thought,
0:04:50 > 0:04:54and the subjects covered here are often stirring.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56We should be in danger of driving you to nervous exhaustion
0:04:56 > 0:04:58or incurable insanity.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Why, if we opened our doors to the fairer sex,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04the roses of England would be corrupted
0:05:04 > 0:05:06and the country would surely fall.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Hmm.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Ah, Mr Burton. Will you be writing up today's operation
0:05:16 > 0:05:18for the readers of the Times?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Another successful amputation by you is hardly news, Mr Lessing.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Our readers are far more interested in Patrice Dupont.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25The Frenchman?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Last week, he grafted the skin of a pig onto a child's face.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31It's a relatively simple process.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33The test is whether it holds.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37You will no doubt be fascinated by my next procedure.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I have designed a new set of surgical instruments
0:05:40 > 0:05:44for the manipulation of the internal muscles of the eyeball.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47And did you pay for those yourself?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49I'm sorry?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Patrice Dupont's patron, Lord Cunningham,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54has paid for the most dazzling array of knives and instruments.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I don't know what half of them are.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Neither does he, I imagine.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Do you have a patron, Mr Lessing?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with a private patient.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Dupont's broken with his private patients.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11He doesn't have to work at all now.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13When he isn't in the pleasure gardens
0:06:13 > 0:06:14in his latest French fashions,
0:06:14 > 0:06:17he's quaffing caviar at the Westminster Medical Club.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19But he's a surgeon.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22You have to be a doctor to be a member of the Medical Club.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Not if you're connected,
0:06:23 > 0:06:25and you've got hair as luscious as his.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36This one, the Windsor, that's ivory and badger bristles.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41Or this one's cheaper, the Dudley, that's wood and boar bristles.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43You can sell them for commission.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45This one very nice.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Wonderful. So you'll sell it to your customers, then?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Very nice.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00You show me yours. Lovely.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03TRANSLATION:
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Fine.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11I have liniments, syrups, lotions and ointments for every ailment.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14This efficacious embrocation will cure
0:07:14 > 0:07:18headache, toothache, earache, any ache in an instant.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Or is it corpulence which is affecting you?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Then fear not, Adam's Anti-fat acts on the food within the stomach,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29preventing the process by which it turns to fat.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32It will reduce a fat person by 2 to 5lb
0:07:32 > 0:07:35every single week, guaranteed.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39What a load of bosh, he should be ashamed of himself.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41You realise none of that stuff actually works?
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Oh, no, that one's very good.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46You know it's working because it changes the colour of your stools.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49It's probably a bit of laxative to make you think it's doing something.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Well, I'm not an expert like you,
0:07:51 > 0:07:54but I try and do all I can to stay healthy.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Want to buy a toothbrush?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Nah, I use me finger.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Anybody else want to buy a toothbrush?- Shh.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Ladies, cure your husband's drunkenness with this
0:08:04 > 0:08:09marvellous medicament which can be taken in tea, coffee or food,
0:08:09 > 0:08:13absolutely and secretly curing the patient without his knowledge.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15LAUGHTER
0:08:15 > 0:08:20I also have lotions for the reinvigoration of the skin,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22restoring youthfulness...
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- I'm pretty sure he went bankrupt. - No.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Well, what about that widow? Hmm?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34What's her name? Lady Campbell. She's a friend of yours.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I wouldn't say friend.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Her father was my mother's...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Do you know, I don't know how they know each other.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42But you can introduce me?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Yes.- Excellent.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- But I wouldn't get your hopes up. - Why not?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49She funded Dr Hawk's research into diseases of the rectum.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Yes, that was something of a one-off.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54No-one else has inspired her generosity.
0:08:54 > 0:08:55I'm sure I could persuade her.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Didn't she give money to a dentist?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59I doubt it.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04In fact, I wanted to ask for your help with something this afternoon.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08A radical new treatment I've devised for a patient of mine.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Uh-huh?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14This man believes that he may be seized by French spies
0:09:14 > 0:09:16at any moment, and tried and executed.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Bloody hell, what's he done?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Nothing. He has extreme monomania.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Now, my idea is to stage the trial and acquit him,
0:09:26 > 0:09:30thus liberating his mind of this delusion.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Can I count on your help?- No.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Do you want to meet Lady Campbell?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- Fine, I'll help.- Good.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Now, I shall play the counsel for the defence.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41With your permission I will ask Caroline to be key witness,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44but I need judge and prosecution.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I've written a few lines,
0:09:47 > 0:09:50a sketch, really, of how the events should proceed.
0:09:50 > 0:09:56Now, above all, Harold must be convinced he is actually on trial.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I hardly have any lines in this little play of yours.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- Well, you can embellish a little as you see fit.- Ha!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05But please take it seriously, Robert,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07a person's life and wellbeing are at stake.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Well, I think it's an absolutely splendid idea, William.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Thank you, John. - How much are you paying?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- You want to be paid?- Yes, please.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18I'm not paying you. You don't pay your friends for a favour.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Well, I'm strapped, William, I need cash.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- I suppose I could give you a few bob.- Eight?- Three.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25But you owe me six, so I'll take it off that.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29- I'll take the three and owe you nine.- But that's the...
0:10:29 > 0:10:31BELL CHIMES
0:10:33 > 0:10:36KEY TURNS IN LOCK
0:10:36 > 0:10:40You are under arrest, sir. I am in fact a French spy.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42You are to be tried as a noble.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I knew this day would come.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53HE MOUTHS
0:10:59 > 0:11:01What are you doing here?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I'm your counsel for the defence.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06I thought you were a doctor.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yes, I'm both.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Le court is now in session.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Please all rise pour le judge.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Please be seated.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25We're gathered here today to decide whether this man,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29Harold Finch, is in fact a French noble.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32But before we begin... Do you look after your teeth?
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Still using a cloth?
0:11:34 > 0:11:37If these fine new toothbrushes are good enough for a magistrate
0:11:37 > 0:11:40like myself, then they are good enough for you.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Two models here for you today, ladies and gentlemen, the Windsor...
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- What's going on?- ..which is made of ivory and the...
0:11:45 > 0:11:47It is a...
0:11:47 > 0:11:50public health announcement for the benefit of the gallery.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Quite common in these courts. Your Honour, shall we begin?
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'd ask you not to interrupt the judge
0:11:56 > 0:11:59unless you wish to be held in contempt of court.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- Yes, you may proceed.- Thank you.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Monsieur le judge, I, the counsel for the defence,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11intend to prove today
0:12:11 > 0:12:14that the accused, Mr Harold Finch,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17is neither noble nor French,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21and once this court finds him innocent, he will no longer have
0:12:21 > 0:12:26to live in fear and can remove this burden completely from his mind.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29I would like to call my first and only witness,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33Madame Countess Marie Cornet Toulon Du Pan.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Madame Countess...
0:12:41 > 0:12:46you are a famous and very well-known French aristocrat
0:12:46 > 0:12:50from a long line of inbred baron viscount marquis et senor.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- Oui. Je suis.- And is it true that you, in fact,
0:12:54 > 0:12:59- know every single male noble in France?- Oui. C'est vrai.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04In fact, I slept with most of them at parties.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05- Steady on, darling!- Hey!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07The prosecution will wait its turn.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10You were saying Caroline... Countess.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Yes, I slept with all the French nobles at endless orgies
0:13:14 > 0:13:17that would make even the Vatican blush.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Quite.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Now, looking around this room today, is there anyone here who you
0:13:23 > 0:13:27recognise from one of these...wild evenings?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- Non, there is not.- Are you certain?
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Not even this man, the accused, Harold Finch?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Oh, definitely not him.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I would certainly never sleep with him.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44In fact, if anything, I would say he was a peasant.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47No further questions, Your Honour.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51All done.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Shall I give my judgment?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55What about the prosecution?
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Oh, oh, yeah, uh, after the prosecution, exactly.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Were you telling the truth just then?- Oui.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07No further questions.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- WHISPERS:- What was that?!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- WHISPERS:- I am not cross-examining my wife.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- WHISPERS:- Well, he doesn't believe you, so do more.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- WHISPERS:- Oh, you'll like the next bit.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I now call the defendant.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29All will be well.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Mr Finch...
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Or shall I address you by your real name, Henri Boulon?
0:14:38 > 0:14:42You claim that you are not one of the noblesse,
0:14:42 > 0:14:45and yet, I have a letter here, signed by you...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50..saying that you grant permission for one of your vassals
0:14:50 > 0:14:51to farm your land,
0:14:51 > 0:14:56for which you expect to receive 40% of any profits from their harvest.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- What do you say to that? - It wasn't me.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, I put it to you, sir...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Or should I say Monsieur Le Petit Feast de France,
0:15:04 > 0:15:05that it was you,
0:15:05 > 0:15:09and that in addition to raping the poor,
0:15:09 > 0:15:13you engaged in an endless diary of decadent aristocratic parties?
0:15:13 > 0:15:17The outrageous nature of these sickening soirees,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20the sheer tonnage of pheasant and pastries
0:15:20 > 0:15:23served by bare-breasted peasant women
0:15:23 > 0:15:26can only be described as UTTERLY FRENCH.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Objection, Your Honour,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30such parties are clearly beyond credibility.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Not at all, I've been to several such occasions.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38You are a noble, you are guilty, and all of France knows it!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Is that enough?
0:15:40 > 0:15:43How does the prosecution intend to prove the authenti...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Give me that.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49A tailor's bill for the purchase of riding britches
0:15:49 > 0:15:53by one Mr Lessing, whoever he is.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Your Honour, there is no case against my defendant.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Very good, the court has had enough.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I hereby find this man not guilty.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Oh, oh, well, justice has been done.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- There you are, you see, Harold. - But I am guilty, you fools!
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- No.- I-I am a noble, my name IS Henri Boulon.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13I paid her to lie.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I have slept with her and 100 such women!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- Harold, come down... - And I did rape the poor.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I-I hate them. They'll never take me alive.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22No, no, no!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Is this part of the act?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Can I have my money now?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Perfect.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Poor thing.- Thank you.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- No, I meant the patient. - Oh, of course.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51But you too.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54I so hoped this could work.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57There are so many others like him.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01It was a bold experiment and if no-one dared try such things
0:17:01 > 0:17:04those poor lunatics would have no hope.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I must thank you for your part in the drama.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11You were most convincing.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Did you think so?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I have read a lot of French novels.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Have you?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Yes, it was curiously liberating to talk with the bold sensuality
0:17:20 > 0:17:22of a French aristocrat.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I feel I could get quite carried away as the countess.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Indeed.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- Perhaps there are other guises I could assume.- I'm sorry?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Gentlemen, welcome.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13I'm afraid that today's intended speaker, Monsieur Dupont,
0:18:13 > 0:18:18is otherwise engaged, having been urgently summoned
0:18:18 > 0:18:23to the palace to perform surgery on the Queen's leopard.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26However, we are most grateful to Dr King,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29who makes a most esteemed deputy.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Gentlemen.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43The power of prayer.
0:18:44 > 0:18:51Whether a fever, for example, be caused by injury, bad air,
0:18:51 > 0:18:55irregular bowels or violent emotion,
0:18:55 > 0:18:59if we do not ask for the Lord's mercy,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01all our work will have been in vain.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- Rather a waste of an afternoon, I should say.- Mm.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Some people are still living in the 18th century, it seems.- Huh.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- DEEP VOICE:- Worried for a moment I'd wandered into church by mistake.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19HE CHUCKLES What befuddles me is how few of us
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- see the folly of such old-fashioned ideas.- Mm.
0:19:21 > 0:19:27Not you, you're clearly thoroughly modern and vigorously youthful.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Walking out like that takes gumption. Dr George Combe.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37William... Ahem. ..Patterson.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Call me Billy.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Let me buy you a drink, Billy. - I must get home.- Nonsense.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I-I really can't, I...
0:19:44 > 0:19:47The Westminster Medical Club. I am a member.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50You shall be my guest, we shall find some intellectual company
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- and your afternoon shall not be wasted.- Right.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Thank you kindly. I'm here to see Lady Campbell.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10To conclude, then, you will, no doubt,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13have surmised that this is only the first of scores of discoveries
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- that microscopy will make possible...- Yes, thank you.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20If I could show you the enlarged lymphatic tissue...
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Mr Lessing?
0:20:22 > 0:20:23I hope not interrupting.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Not at all, the doctor was just leaving.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Shall we meet at another occasion? I can bring specimens. Perhaps...
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I don't think so, Mr Hopkins. Good luck with your endeavours.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Quite.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Well...
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Excuse me.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Do sit down.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Thank you ma'am.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Well, William couldn't speak highly enough, insisted I meet you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I am very determined.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Then tell me, why should I be interested in a surgeon?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I am not merely a surgeon.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59I'm a pioneer.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02My patients are not only the ones on my table,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05but the thousands, perhaps millions, of lives to be
0:21:05 > 0:21:10saved in the future by any successful new procedure I devise.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I intend to make history.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Do you?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16The saving of lives is the highest possible calling.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18That is what separates the true man of medicine
0:21:18 > 0:21:20from the quacks on the high street,
0:21:20 > 0:21:24merely interested in charming money out of ladies' purses.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Is that not precisely what you're engaged in doing now?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30No, not at all.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32You disappoint me.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38What I mean to say is...
0:21:40 > 0:21:42..that I am man of experience,
0:21:42 > 0:21:45whose interventions yield...
0:21:47 > 0:21:48..precise results.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I need no potions, Lady Campbell...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53to achieve my desired effect.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58That's more like it, Mr Lessing.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Rosodent, my patented dental paste.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06Arrests decay and completely remedies the mortifying defects
0:22:06 > 0:22:08of foul mouth odours.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Look at that.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13This is proven stuff, ladies and gentlemen.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Use this daily and you will keep your teeth for longer.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19No, come back! Don't buy stuff from that charlatan.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22..Even more beautiful than you already are.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Yes, come, come, take a look.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Mmm, don't look at me like that, Ben.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Thank you, Henry.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- Ah...?- Oh, I'd like to keep mine on.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Oh, it'll be well looked after.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52I never remove my hat.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54You never remove your hat?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I'm afflicted with psoriasis.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Oh, you needn't worry, we're all doctors here.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01No, my scalp is repellent.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04As you wish.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Well, Billy, what'll it be?
0:23:13 > 0:23:18The patient would be in the lithotomy position, of course.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19Legs raised.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- I see.- The incision made,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26I must be careful to penetrate smoothly and swiftly.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Would it hurt...immensely?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Madam, it would.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32The pain would be exquisite.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Do they scream?
0:23:33 > 0:23:38I've never encountered a lady who hasn't cried out for the duration.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40But you aren't put off?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Once I have begun...
0:23:43 > 0:23:45..nothing can distract me from my purpose.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47SHE GASPS
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Well, I'm sure society would be far more willing
0:23:52 > 0:23:55to believe in fairies, but they'll find them little help with cholera.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57You are a find!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Oh, do you know Lady Campbell?
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I was on rather friendly terms with her husband before the haemorrhage.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'll introduce you.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11No...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Sorry, Lady Campbell, may I interrupt?
0:24:14 > 0:24:15Oh.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Good evening, Mr Combe.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19May I introduce Mr Lessing?
0:24:19 > 0:24:20How do you do?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24And who is your companion?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28A most promising young man I met at the Society of Apothecaries.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Is that so?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Please, join us.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Well, I wouldn't want to interrupt any business you're conducting.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37No, I assure you, this is pleasure.
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Oh, I see.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40As long as the wife is at home.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Oh, I doubt she is. My wife has ideas.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46I imagine she's getting herself into all kinds of trouble as we speak.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Mr Lessing, perhaps you could tell us about your latest case?
0:24:50 > 0:24:54You'll find young Billy here a most intelligent student of medicine.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57A forward-thinker, like yourself. I'm sure you'll get on wonderfully.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59If you get to know me.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Gentlemen!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Gentlewomen!
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Do you suffer from paleness, tiredness, nervous energy,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20coughs, aches and pains, or coldness or hotness?
0:25:20 > 0:25:24All such ailments derive, as we know,
0:25:24 > 0:25:26from bad blood.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Fortunately, I have, after years of painstaking research,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34perfected a medicine,
0:25:34 > 0:25:40Sutton's Infallible Liniment, which restores energy, balance -
0:25:40 > 0:25:43and your hair, if you're bald, sir.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Whatever you got, it cures the lot.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49I, myself, used to be a tired, constipated cripple,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51but just look at me now!
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Ladies and gentlemen, after taking this for just one week,
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I am full of vigour and vim and hair.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Come and get it today, while stocks last!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Thank you, sir. Yes, help yourself.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Yes, thank you, madam.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Yes, madam, here you go.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Thank you very much, madam.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Wait your turn, please! One at a time!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Thank you, sir. Thank you.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Will this cure Molly's tuberculosis?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Yes. Yes, it will.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21COINS CLINK
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Free pints for you. You're a gentleman.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Oh, dear.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29- That for me?- Oh, er...
0:26:31 > 0:26:33COINS CLINK
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Ohhh!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38What's this potion, then?
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Maybe I should take some myself?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43All right, just not this one.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46OK? This is the good stuff.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Well, that's one for me, then.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Have a good evening.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02HE CHUCKLES AND WHISTLES
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Mr Lessing here was boasting of his skills of penetration.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Ah, well...
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I plan to have a full
0:27:12 > 0:27:15practical demonstration before the night is through.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18You're presuming he can wield his sword as well as his scalpel.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20COMBE CACKLES
0:27:20 > 0:27:21Cracking!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23How would you know?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24I don't.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Shall we have another bottle? - Oh, yes, I think so.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I shall need some analgesic, if I'm to bear the pain.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Will you excuse me for a moment? I have to answer the call of nature.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Who is she? - What on earth were you thinking?
0:27:42 > 0:27:43Have you been rolling in the sheets with her?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Impersonating a man to gain access to medical societies!
0:27:46 > 0:27:47You kissed her! Do you love her?
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Don't be absurd! She's a lonely widow.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- I'm merely buttering her parsnips for her money.- Do you love me?
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- I'm sorry?- You kissed her hand. You've barely touched me for years.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- Of course I do!- Well, kiss me, then.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59- Caroline!- No, kiss me.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07SHE GASPS
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Saints in heaven!
0:28:10 > 0:28:12I suggest you keep your hands off each other
0:28:12 > 0:28:14before I call for the police.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18And, Mr Lessing, you can forget about my patronage, you...
0:28:18 > 0:28:20unholy Uranian!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26I know a place we can go.