0:00:02 > 0:00:03- Stay back. - Well, you stay back.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- Jez, I love you, man. - Rip it off! Put it in the bin!
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Crazy challenge! Oh, my God!
0:00:11 > 0:00:13EE, I love you!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Emergency care in crisis.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Not enough doctors, too many patients.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Although we have ongoing and serious concerns with the contract,
0:00:23 > 0:00:26patient safety is always our primary concern.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33It's Friday night at St Greg's.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Hello. Cardiac arrest.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36Like so many hospitals in the UK,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40the staff at this A&E are seeing the effect of the £2 billion NHS
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- deficit.- Can I get some help, please?
0:00:42 > 0:00:44We're losing him.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Nurse Jefferies is responding to an incident in the corridor.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Clear!
0:00:49 > 0:00:53A middle-aged man has been found collapsed on a hospital trolley.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Clear!
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Come on, Doctor. Time for work.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Due to a continued lack of investment in the NHS,
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Dr Allen is on his 250th consecutive shift.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12This is my wife on the day our baby boy Matthew was born.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14He'll be seven and a half now.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I'm hoping to make it home for his tenth birthday.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25In theatre three...
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- Scalpel.- ..Dr Gupta is preparing to perform an emergency appendectomy.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Scalpel?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33We've...run out.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Scissors.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I could run to the kitchen, see if they've got any?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44I've got a spoon in my bag. You could use the pointy bit.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45He's awake.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48We've run out of anaesthetic.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Get his spoon.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00Welcome to Inside The Story.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01I'm Dale Maily,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04fearless hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid.
0:02:04 > 0:02:10I deliver fair, impartial news, as it happens, wherever it happens,
0:02:10 > 0:02:13telling you the right way to think.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Hippies. You may think these smelly, flower-wearing drum-bangers
0:02:16 > 0:02:18are harmless. Well, you're wrong.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21These tie-dye-wearing, incense-burning,
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Rizla-licking wasters are now dipping their dirty toes
0:02:25 > 0:02:26into terrorism.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30As I walk round here today, there's a definite smell of aloe vera,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33of nutmeg, of sandalwood. Not so dangerous in a city,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36but in these kind of environment is exactly the concoction that can
0:02:36 > 0:02:38radicalise young people.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41These dreadlocked quinoa-touchers are known to use violence to further
0:02:41 > 0:02:44their criminal activity and environmental goals,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47so I've infiltrated Green Gathering, a pop-up caliphate
0:02:47 > 0:02:49in the middle of the Welsh countryside,
0:02:49 > 0:02:53to find out how these terrorists radicalise the public.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56HE CHANTS
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Shocking, really. Shocking when you actually see children being
0:03:00 > 0:03:03radicalised by this... I don't...
0:03:03 > 0:03:05DANCE MUSIC
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Your ideas are dangerous.- They are. - Dangerous ideas, radical ideas.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11That's why we're here. To connect up our radicalism.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14As you can see, a strange crossover point here.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17As you walk into this tent, you get a strange, sympathetic feeling
0:03:17 > 0:03:20for Islamic fundamentalism, and look here -
0:03:20 > 0:03:24a garment that wouldn't look out of place on someone fighting for Isis.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Stay back!- Stay back. - Well, you stay back.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- You stay back. - Don't walk towards me.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Don't come anywhere near. - Go over there to the campaign space
0:03:32 > 0:03:33and sit there and listen.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36But listen to what? I mean, it's just a lot of people talking about
0:03:36 > 0:03:40strange, left-wing, radical ideas that could destroy society.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44You can just see the leaders here.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47The leaders here are literally asking them to be radicalised,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49they're radical, all of them. It's unbelievable.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I'm going to see what happens when someone really tells them
0:03:52 > 0:03:53what's going on. Excuse me.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Are you just all ashamed of yourselves being here?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Are you ashamed of what you're doing?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59You've got radical ideas here that you're pushing.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01This is a very dangerous agenda.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04This is Natalie Bennett. She's the leader of the Green Party,
0:04:04 > 0:04:05is here. What is she doing here?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Do you support these domestic extremists?
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Er, well, domestic extremism means standing up to have a politics
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- that people can believe in and trust.- Believe in what?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Honesty in politics. That's a radical idea.- It's a joke.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- It's an absolute joke.- Why are you trashing a really good meeting?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You come in here fucking talking bullshit.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25What are you talking about? It's all a joke. Unbelievable!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Trying to get things together in a hippy tent. Unbelievable.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32This is Dale Maily for Inside The Story with a bunch of Green losers.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34SHE PLAYS PERCUSSION
0:04:35 > 0:04:38The UK has voted to leave the European Union.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43The sun has risen on an independent United Kingdom.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46So what happens now? What happens next?
0:04:46 > 0:04:50My name's Dennis Pound and I'm a member of the people's army, Ukip.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Now that we've achieved our main goal of making the UK independent,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57the party needs some new policies, so I've been sent to Loughton in Essex
0:04:57 > 0:05:01by a top brass to find out what the great British public wants.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Can I bother you for some policy suggestions?
0:05:03 > 0:05:05We're all out. Got any?
0:05:05 > 0:05:12- We've got our independence and we need another suggestion for the I in Ukip. No?- Idiot.- Huh?- Idiot.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh, idiots.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Got a few.- Yeah? Brilliant. We could use them.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21No Eastern Europeans on any building site anywhere.
0:05:21 > 0:05:26- Any?- No.- None at all? OK.- They don't understand English for a start and they put other people at risk.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- When they're turning up, and they take the jobs from the likes of me and my kids.- Yeah...
0:05:30 > 0:05:32It's good. Now we're out of the EU, we can do these things, you know.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34English people are free to, you know,
0:05:34 > 0:05:38work in construction sites and clean toilets and work in Pret A Manger.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- It's freedom.- I don't mind 'em coming. If when they come here,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- one, they should have a permit to work...- Yes.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- ..two, they should come here already having a job to come here.- Right.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Do you mean that metaphorically or literally?
0:05:50 > 0:05:51If I start telling you,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I'll probably get arrested, so it's best I keep my opinions to myself.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57I think that these...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Europeans that are here now... - Yeah. Should we get rid of them now?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Yeah, I would, tomorrow. - Couple of weeks? Tomorrow.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I'd put them on an island and shoot them all, myself.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Right, right. - Yeah, that's a bit drastic.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10They come to this country and they're raping people and they get away with it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- It's not normal, it's not right. - It's true. Perhaps we should...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Bring back hanging. Hang the lot of 'em!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Shall we do it in a public sphere so everyone can see it happen?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Yes. Yes. If they want to kill some young girl or baby...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- Yeah, just hang 'em up. - And if they brought back hanging,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I'd like to be the person that hangs them.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- That hangs them?- Yeah.- You sure about that?- Yeah. I could easily kill a person.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I mean that's a whole new growth industry, isn't it?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Couldn't kill a dog.- But a migrant claiming benefits on the benefits
0:06:33 > 0:06:34system, no problem at all.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37They go out raping and fiddling with our kids, then yeah.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40We should not have people that don't get voted in telling us what we
0:06:40 > 0:06:43should and shouldn't do when we haven't even voted for them.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Yeah, we're sick of foreign faceless bureaucrats telling us what to do.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- We want English bureaucrats telling us what to do.- Yes!
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Do you have any policy suggestions for Ukip? We're all out.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Er, yeah, do something about the refugees in Calais.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Well, what should we do about them? - Get them over here.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Beg your pardon?- Get them over here.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- The refugees?- Yep. - Over here?- Yeah.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Right...- We're making them refugees in the first place, aren't we?
0:07:08 > 0:07:13Right, OK. So, refugees over to UK.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Definitely written that down there. OK, well, thank you.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- OK.- Noted.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I was born in this hospital 50 years ago.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31And ever since, I've been waiting to have this umbilical cord cut.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Hello.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Clean diesel was the promise.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38The reality was anything but.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Do you think the manufacturers should be telling the truth?- Yes.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Volkswagen has been accused of cheating tests.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Most VW group cars with 1.6 and 2-litre TDi engines are affected.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54In reality, their diesel cars pump 40 times more pollution into the air
0:07:54 > 0:07:56than is legally allowed.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58All right. You all right? It's OK.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Well, it's his idea. It's not... I didn't suggest it to him.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07It's him, it's him. He's got this diagnosis and it's just going to be going...
0:08:07 > 0:08:10You know, from now on. So just thought, end it while the going's good.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15And, you know, I don't want to send him to Dignitas or anything like that. It's pretty pricey.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- So this is... It's a diesel, right?- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21The fumes are quite bad on these diesels, aren't they,
0:08:21 > 0:08:22from what I read?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- You guys done your tests on them? - Yeah, yeah.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Is it sort of hermetically sealed, airtight, once you're in there?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Jump in.- Nothing can get out if you wanted to hot-box it up with his
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- pipe hole in there and there's loads of fumes.- Yeah, no!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38OK, I'll see you in a sec.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45So, Grandpa, I'm going to hook this up for you now, OK?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Oh... What are you...? What are you...?- Nah, nah, nah...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I just want him to painlessly fall asleep and this is the
0:08:53 > 0:08:55best way to do it. He's an environmental guy.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57He wanted to go to Prius down the road but I said that would take 45
0:08:57 > 0:09:01minutes, this'll take a couple of minutes. It's the perfect solution for us.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Are you serious?- It's a shame.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- It's going to be a Mission: Impossible out here, really.- Very good.- Yeah.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14The Labour Party is in the midst of a civil war.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17With Jeremy Corbyn having won his second leadership election by a
0:09:17 > 0:09:21landslide, many believe that Labour is too left-wing to be elected into government.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23In this series,
0:09:23 > 0:09:26we follow two Labour Party members on opposing sides of the argument.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Robin, a dyed-in-the-wool socialist and canvasser,
0:09:30 > 0:09:33and Penny, a Labour Party adviser and self-confessed Blairite.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Both are convinced that their version of Labour is the future.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43TIN WHISTLE AND DRUMS PLAY
0:09:43 > 0:09:47The annual Miners' Gala in Durham is a march that brings trade unions
0:09:47 > 0:09:50from across the country together.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Since much of Labour's funding comes from these organisations,
0:09:53 > 0:09:56it's always in the party's interest to keep them on side,
0:09:56 > 0:09:59something that Jeremy Corbyn has managed well during his leadership.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03When we do things together, when we're united together,
0:10:03 > 0:10:08we are very strong together and we change things because of that.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I've only just joined the Labour Party.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13The first time I ever voted was voting in Jeremy Corbyn, know what I mean?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- It was a good vote.- Robin is at the gala to show some solidarity.
0:10:17 > 0:10:22I'm just glad that, like, under Corbyn, like, the party's lost that sort of poisonous need to
0:10:22 > 0:10:25win elections, do you know what I mean? I mean who wants to win elections?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Nobody. Like, you can't stand firm and actually govern, know what I mean?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Begrudgingly, Penny has also decided to visit the gala to find out
0:10:34 > 0:10:37if union members really are all Corbynistas.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Just so you know, Jeremy Corbyn is a loser.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43I didn't say that to you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48You're not supposed to say that kind of thing around here, I don't think.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Right.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54I wonder how many of these people have sons who are secretly talented
0:10:54 > 0:10:55ballet dancers.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- What's this? Who's that? - That's a young Lenin.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Come on, mate! Get me a young Lenin.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- No, it's been hard for everyone, this economic downturn.- Yeah.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- You know, we had to sell the place in Sardinia, for instance, which was terrible.- Yeah.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'm sure you've been through similar experiences.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Oh, yeah. I've had people actually lose the only home they had.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Yeah, it's awful, when you lose one of your homes, isn't it? Yeah.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21How much do I owe you now?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- It's four quid, mate. - I thought you were a Communist!
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I thought these were for free! You're a bloody capitalist, aren't you, mate?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27I'm a capitalist now.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I mean, Jeremy does have a lot in common with the miners.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33He is in the dark most of the time, like them.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38He'd be a great leader for the party if it was 1962.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43Robin has got wind that Jeremy Corbyn is attending the gala.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Jez! Jez, I love you!
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Unable to pass up the chance to meet his idol,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51he heads over to show his appreciation.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Just touch me, Jeremy, man.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Jeremy! Jez, I love you, man.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Listen, I think you should be the leader, but if you're not,
0:11:57 > 0:11:59do I get my £3 back?
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Come on, mate! Come on! Jez, we can! Jez, we can!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04He touched me.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07He touched me. I'm never going to wash my hands again.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Oh, fuck off.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11It's accused of generating revenue,
0:12:11 > 0:12:14funnelling the profits to offshore accounts.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18We will force people like Starbucks, Vodafone, Amazon and Google,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21and all the others, to pay their share of taxes.
0:12:21 > 0:12:26HMRC has got to get a grip and can take action straight away.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29These days there's a VR simulation for everything, but what possible
0:12:29 > 0:12:32simulation would you give to a guy that's seen it all?
0:12:32 > 0:12:36You know the dude. Billionaire, CEO of a tech company, like Google, Apple,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38or, I don't know, Facebook?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Introducing virtual reality tax simulator.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Follow me.
0:12:42 > 0:12:48Some CEOs have literally never experienced the joy of paying tax until now.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Here at Off Shore Studios, we're working on an exciting new project
0:12:52 > 0:12:56and we need your funding to help finish it off.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Taxpayer simulator is the ultimate virtual representation of what it
0:12:59 > 0:13:02feels like to fill in a tax return.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Yeah, it can all be a bit intense for the non-taxpayer,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09which is why we've included three difficulty levels.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18It really makes you feel like you're giving away 20% of your profits on the spot.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21This can't be right. You're taking 20%?
0:13:21 > 0:13:22How am I supposed to live on this?
0:13:22 > 0:13:26One of the things I'm most proud of is the calling the tax office scenario.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28It really captures the tedium and frustration.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- RECORDED VOICE:- Thank you for calling HMRC.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Your call is in a queue and will be answered in three hours.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Paying tax shouldn't just be for the little people.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Help us to create a truly taxing experience for the 1%.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Like Eric Schmidt, former CEO of Google.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Hello, Mr Schmidt, I'd just like to show you
0:13:46 > 0:13:48this incredible virtual reality system
0:13:48 > 0:13:51which shows you what it's like to pay your fair share of tax.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Would you like to try it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- Thank you very much.- It gives you an amazing user experience
0:13:54 > 0:13:57which allows you to see what it's like to just contribute
0:13:57 > 0:14:00like everybody else does and not just avoid millions of pounds.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Give it a go?
0:14:03 > 0:14:08Hey. I'm Duckface and I'm an instant celebrity and I'm all about raising
0:14:08 > 0:14:11awareness about totes important issues using social media.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Let's change the planet one hashtag at a time, babes.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15Love you!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Kara was, like, telling me about this woman Princess Di
0:14:19 > 0:14:23who lived, like, a million years ago before the internet or whatever,
0:14:23 > 0:14:26and she totally hated these things called land mines
0:14:26 > 0:14:28which would totally blow your leg off
0:14:28 > 0:14:32so you can't even have a wax or get into designer jeans or whatever.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33- Ugh. - CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Babes, if Princess Di was around, she couldn't stand it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I can't stand it. And, babes, the victims of land mines,
0:14:38 > 0:14:40they genuinely can't even stand.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Let's start a campaign!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Hashtag "hopping mad" against land mines.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Oh, my God. Too much.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Shut up.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51HEAVY DANCE MUSIC
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- What do you know about the land mines?- Exploding.- People dying.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57We're going to tweet our way to the end of land mines.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Sound good?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01So use the hashtag "hopping" for man...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03For land mines! For land mines!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- They kill people. - Hopping mad for land mines.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Crazy challenge. Oh, my God!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Hopping mad for land mines hashtag.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Oh, my God, it's so crazy!
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I love him, Look at him, he's just too cute in real life.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- I love him.- By raising awareness with hashtags.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Can someone fucking hold this for me, please?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Hashtag "hopping for..."- Land mines.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- The children getting their legs get blown off.- Yes, yes.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I'm not having it, OK? Princess Di wanted it done.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- And so does Kara. - That sounds crazy.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Take the land mines, you dirty little bitch.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33You're not going to be blowing off people's legs any more
0:15:33 > 0:15:36and keeping them out of their designer Gucci leggings.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Keep retweeting, guys, keep snapping, Periscoping, whatever.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Shut up.
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Tweet me.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49'Please stay on the line. We'll be with you shortly.'
0:15:49 > 0:15:53VOICEOVER: A true story about a man on hold.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- What's wrong, hun?- It's EE.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I've been on hold for ages.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58It'll be OK.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00You'll get through soon.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04'Would you like to skip the queue
0:16:04 > 0:16:07'and talk to a customer service agent for just 50p?'
0:16:07 > 0:16:08What? No way!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13For God's sake, come on!
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'All of our customer service representatives are busy.'
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Oh, well.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24At least your voice is nice.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30A man disconnected from life connects with true love.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- 'Please hold.' - You want me to hold you?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I'll hold you.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40A story about what happens when you are stuck on the line
0:16:40 > 0:16:44with the UK's most complained-about telecoms service provider.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I just love that you're also into classical music.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Press one. You're hilarious!
0:16:49 > 0:16:52EE, I love you!
0:16:52 > 0:16:53What's wrong with you?
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I'm in love and I can't explain it.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58She listens to me and she says I'm important to her,
0:16:58 > 0:16:59like, all the time,
0:16:59 > 0:17:02and she apologises when she keeps me waiting.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06EE, I love you!
0:17:06 > 0:17:08It's an automated phone service!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Don't you dare call her that!
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Get out!
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I wish I could feel you.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I wish I could touch you.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17'Hello. You're through to EE.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19'Graham speaking. How can I help you?'
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Who are you?!- 'I'm Graham.'
0:17:21 > 0:17:23- What have you done with her?- 'What?'
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Redial! Redial!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27'Welcome to EE customer services.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- 'Your call is in a queue.' - (Thank God.)
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Coming to cinemas for a very, very long time.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39You, you stop it.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46REPORTER: They were arrested in Istanbul on suspicion
0:17:46 > 0:17:49of attempting to join the terror group Islamic State.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51..What we now call radicalisation,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53but if we want to think of it in terms of, like,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56traditionally what we understand, it's a form of grooming.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I don't think a lot of them are getting brainwashed in the mosques.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00I think it's mainly online.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04It's very, very sophisticated social media marketing machinery
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- targeting women specifically. - They just see a few videos
0:18:07 > 0:18:11and they just jump to conclusions as to what's happening over there.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15VOICEOVER: Coming up this season on The Real Housewives Of Isis...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It's only three days till the beheading
0:18:17 > 0:18:20and I've got no idea what I'm going to wear.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Abdul seduced me online.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24He had me at "free health care".
0:18:24 > 0:18:25So this is my sixth marriage.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I've been widowed five times.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29EXPLOSION
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Six times.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I'm so glad I've moved over here.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36It's everything those guys on the chatrooms told me it would be.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39And it's full of so many wonderful surprises.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I didn't have to do this in Birmingham!
0:18:41 > 0:18:42- MAN SHOUTS - Bullshit!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Are you ready, girls?- Yeah.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Hang on, I'm recording it for Instagram.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Ta-da!
0:18:51 > 0:18:52What do you think?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Ahmed surprised me with it yesterday.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Hashtag "OMG", hashtag "Jihadi Jane",
0:18:57 > 0:19:00hashtag "death to the West", Isis emojis.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Oh, babes, I love it.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03You look gorgeous.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05She looked massive.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You're going to need a lot of Semtex to kill that one.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- Ah, guys.- Hey, ladies!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14What do you think of this?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16SHE GIGGLES
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Awkward!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20'What a complete bitch!
0:19:20 > 0:19:21'She knew I had that jacket.'
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Copies everything. Copied this.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Oh, my God, it was so cringe.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Hashtag "matchy-matchy".
0:19:31 > 0:19:35It's times like this I wish I'd never moved out here.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Coming up next week...- He won't stop talking about his 40 virgins.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Why can't he be happy with me?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Ali bought me a new chain which is 8-foot long.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49So I can almost get outside, which is great.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58The Conservative Party has begun a new era and the Prime Minister,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Theresa May, has created a new Cabinet,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03bringing lesser-known faces to the fore.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06In this film, we follow James Twottington-Burbage,
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Conservative MP,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10who after falling out of favour with the former Prime Minister...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I just wanted to give you this Bullingdon album.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- Thank you very much. - Would you give me a sign of it?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17..now finds himself one of the key players
0:20:17 > 0:20:19in shaping Theresa May's Britain.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Britain is in the throes of a housing crisis.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27In the London borough of Barnet,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30the Conservative-run council's controversial regeneration
0:20:30 > 0:20:32of the West Hendon estate has come under fire.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I'm James Twottington-Burbage.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I'm from the Conservative government.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40And James has been sent to make sure everything is going to plan.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I was just wondering, do you think this place is south-facing?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47The estate, which has 680 council flats,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50is to be knocked down to make way for a new complex
0:20:50 > 0:20:52of 1,500 luxury flats,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56an act that has been described as social cleansing.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58The thing is, I'm trying to knock this shit down
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- so we can build some nice, new condominiums here.- Yeah.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Many Hendon residents,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06some of whom have lived in the estate all their lives,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09are facing eviction and being moved away
0:21:09 > 0:21:11from their family and loved ones.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13All you need to do, really, is gather up your things,
0:21:13 > 0:21:15put them in a car and just drive off, really.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17- Couldn't you do that? - You think that's easy?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20You can't have that much in there, can you?
0:21:20 > 0:21:21I mean, Jesus, come on.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- 20 quid.- No.
0:21:23 > 0:21:2520 quid?
0:21:25 > 0:21:26And you just get your stuff and go.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29We'd have to get rid of this scum first but after that,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31just nice middle-class people.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I think that's really out of... What party are you?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- I'm from the Conservative Party. - Everyone here works.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37You work. A man works.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39He earns 1,500 a month.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40His missus earns 1,500 a month.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43That's three grand. That's not even touching the deposit on that.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45You need a 20 grand deposit on that
0:21:45 > 0:21:49and that's just 5% for a 500 grand flat. Who's got £20,000?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51So what you're then doing is you're then forcing someone
0:21:51 > 0:21:53out of the community that still works,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55still provides for the community,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58just so someone else can come in with more money.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Lower it down, lower it down. Yeah, that's... No.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05On that level, that'll be where the cocktail terrace is. Yeah, just there.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06It doesn't belong to you lot.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Of course it belongs to us,
0:22:08 > 0:22:10that's what happens when you win an election.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13No. You're elected to manage it, not to sell it.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- You're probably not happy with your life.- I'm extremely happy.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Yeah, hmm.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Have you got 500 grand?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Mate, I've got a couple of million to spend, to be honest.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23That's all right, then, innit?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25You looked like a wanker, you know what I mean?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Come on, man, look, I grew up on an estate as well,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29just a different kind of estate.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30More butlers, less cholera.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33That's what I mean. You look like a wanker,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- so why are you here?- Well, I'm just here to talk to people
0:22:35 > 0:22:37about potentially moving out.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- To where?- Somewhere like Grimsby.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40He's taking the piss. I'll smash you up.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42I think you're really out of order.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I think you're rude and I think you should just go suck yourself
0:22:44 > 0:22:47and fuck off. My mum has lived here for 25 years.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- She works hard.- What have you ever done for this country?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Did more work before you was even a twinkle in your daddy's eye.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- Right.- The best part of you ran down your dad's inside leg.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59If you work for the Conservatives,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02thank God I didn't vote for you because you're arseholes.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Don't worry, we'll be running things for a long time to come, mate.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Hmm, let's wait till 2020.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Thank you.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13G4S finally lost its contract to run this centre.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Inspectors had found staff high on drugs
0:23:15 > 0:23:17and children suffering racist and degrading treatment.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Any little thing, they would...
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- put you on the floor.- Any excuse to put their hands on you,
0:23:23 > 0:23:24they'll put their hands on you.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- VOICEOVER:- G4S, the first in custodial facilities,
0:23:29 > 0:23:31the first in security.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33And now the first in childcare.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35CHILDREN WAIL
0:23:37 > 0:23:39The Koala Clubhouse is a state-of-the-art,
0:23:39 > 0:23:40maximum-security creche,
0:23:40 > 0:23:46consisting of 140 cells, 200 inmates and over 800 highly trained staff.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50If anyone runs round next time, drop-kick 'em.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54I'm Gavin Shrew, chief operating officer at the Koala Clubhouse.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Our tiny inmates are sent here for various offences,
0:23:57 > 0:23:59such as bedwetting and temper tantrums,
0:23:59 > 0:24:02and it's our job to forcibly drag them along the right path.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05All right. Welcome to nappy-changing class.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Our highly trained staff are prepared for any eventuality.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Put the arms down, get the nappy off, rip it off, put it in the bin!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Close bin!
0:24:15 > 0:24:16- Time?- 7.2 seconds.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Get in!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22We believe care, affection and love are the common mistakes parents make
0:24:22 > 0:24:25when rearing human children. Discipline,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29stoicism and structure are the three cornerstones of Koala Clubhouse.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31And now a dedicated team of counsellors...
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- SHOUTING - ..help to prepare all our inmates
0:24:33 > 0:24:35for life on the outside.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36- Quick, get him! - DOGS BARK
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Get him before he gets to the woods!
0:24:38 > 0:24:39A range of our activities,
0:24:39 > 0:24:42overseen by our team of childcare professionals,
0:24:42 > 0:24:45are designed to enforce your child's personal growth.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49(They're off.)
0:24:49 > 0:24:54The G4S Koala Clubhouse is the most effective infant holding facility
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- in the UK. - (Buenas noches, los ninos.)
0:24:58 > 0:25:01G4s creche - secure your child's place today.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07REPORTER: In July, Southern scrapped 341 services a day.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10I'm sick and tired of having to waste hours
0:25:10 > 0:25:12in the mornings and the evenings.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- REPORTER:- Passengers increasingly used to overcrowded trains
0:25:15 > 0:25:18now face the likelihood of fare increases
0:25:18 > 0:25:20much higher than in the past.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Something will need to change soon.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39There is nothing more pleasurable to the British sensibility
0:25:39 > 0:25:45than the wait. We could wait for hours, and we do, regularly.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Nothing is more quintessentially British
0:25:49 > 0:25:54than waiting for the train to come. Has it been cancelled, delayed,
0:25:54 > 0:25:59diverted or usurped by the charming rail-replacement bus service?
0:25:59 > 0:26:03The architecture in here is simply divine.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06You can feel a certain Victorian grandiosity
0:26:06 > 0:26:10and Elizabethan splendour mixed with the very modern sight
0:26:10 > 0:26:13of a turd bobbing around in the bowl.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Such very British styles.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Nothing is more quintessentially British on the train
0:26:19 > 0:26:21than the timeless words, "Can you move?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23"Can you please move?
0:26:23 > 0:26:25"Can you move, please?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27"Your elbow's in my face."
0:26:27 > 0:26:31As if a delayed journeys on a packed train wasn't British enough,
0:26:31 > 0:26:35some rail companies have looked to profit from our misery.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Charming(!)
0:26:36 > 0:26:41Ladies and gentlemen, apologies on behalf of Southern for the strikes and delays today.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43I am offering Rubik's cubes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Anything for you, madam? Would you like to learn Spanish?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48You'll probably have time before the next station.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50No, I'm all right with my newspaper, thank you.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52OK, well, that's not going to last you, trust me.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Were you clean-shaven before you started?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57If you'd like to stare at this picture of an Indian train
0:26:57 > 0:26:59with people on the roof to make you feel a bit better about the commute.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02It's only 5.99, subsidised by the British taxpayers.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06How much was your season ticket?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Oh, that's reasonable, isn't it? Diazepam?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10LAUGHTER
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Morphine, madam? Or co-codamol?
0:27:12 > 0:27:16I have a euthanasia kit, a DIY one, sir.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Would you like it, in case once you get to Haywards Heath
0:27:18 > 0:27:20there's a seven-hour delay? One for you, sir.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Complimentary. I can see you're close to the edge.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24And how about you, sir? Would you like anything?
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Toothbrush? I've got meditation courses, leaflets on mindfulness.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31No, that's the one thing we can't reduce.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Apologies for the delay.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I can't say they're not going to happen again.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Try not to take it out on your family when you get home.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38LAUGHTER
0:27:40 > 0:27:42We've got a runner.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45MUSIC: Great Escape Theme
0:27:45 > 0:27:47HE MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:27:51 > 0:27:54BEEPING
0:27:54 > 0:27:56All right, mate!
0:27:56 > 0:27:58He's got those Haribos, mate!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11INDISTINCT SHOUTING
0:28:11 > 0:28:12ALARM BLARES
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Oh, heck!