0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
0:00:07 > 0:00:09What a fantastic job you've done for the Conservative Party.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12LAUGHTER
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Oh, yeah!
0:00:18 > 0:00:21The end of nearly a century of BHS.
0:00:21 > 0:00:26The net has not stopped closing on Sir Philip Green.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27It affects pensioners like myself.
0:00:27 > 0:00:3011,000 people have lost their jobs.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32The billionaire businessman,
0:00:32 > 0:00:35who's on board his ?100 million super yacht,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37has been heavily criticised.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41The Queen will be listening to the views of Theresa May to see whether
0:00:41 > 0:00:44the Top Shop boss should be dispatched to the rank of commoner.
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Just go away.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Go away.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Just sell it all, OK, sell it all, sell it all, get it done.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Sell, sell, sell, sell it off now.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00We'll even sell his knighthood, once they strip him of it, naughty boy.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I do often look at these and I think, what would Phil do?
0:01:03 > 0:01:04He'd just sell it all and buy
0:01:04 > 0:01:07another massively obscene yacht, wouldn't he, babes?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18BHS sale, everything must go.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21You can help Phil Green buy a fourth yacht.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25All the employees, no pensions, everything must go now.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Do you know about the BHS yacht sale?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29We've got to sell it all off as cheap as we can to help Phil Green
0:01:29 > 0:01:32get his fourth yacht. Would you like to go in and buy some shirts?
0:01:32 > 0:01:33MAN LAUGHS
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Everyone has it in for Phil. Everyone wants to give it to him.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Yeah. We just want to give him a yacht.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40I think he can afford it, don't you?
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Not really, he's only got three.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44He's a shit. Darling, why is he such a shit? He's just...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46He's always been a shit.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Every business he's been in, he's always been a shit.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Feels like a scam.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52It's terrible.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Why? Despicable. But why?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56But he's already got a fine one.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Well, he's got three fine ones,
0:01:58 > 0:02:00but he needs an absolutely bedazzling one,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02which he doesn't have yet.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03MAN LAUGHS
0:02:07 > 0:02:12Welcome to Inside The Story. I'm Dale Maily,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15fearless hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid.
0:02:15 > 0:02:21I deliver fair, impartial news as it happens, wherever it happens,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23telling you the right way to think.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26The British, we swill tea,
0:02:26 > 0:02:30invented cricket and gave spear-chuckers civilisation,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32but nothing makes me thank God
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I'm not a foreigner more than our beloved Queen.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39So, every year we get together to celebrate her birthday by waving
0:02:39 > 0:02:42the Union Jack and drinking Pimms.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Absolutely fantastic scenes here,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47as you can see the peasants all absolutely going for it,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49waving their flags.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53What is it about? It's about the Queen, English heritage.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55You know, keeping Britain to ourselves, isn't that right?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58All those people who come over here and change the country.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Don't start me on that. Oh, don't start ME on that.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Is it true that these immigrants have come over here with a
0:03:02 > 0:03:04deliberate attempt to raid the royal family?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Yes. One German family,
0:03:06 > 0:03:09all together, helping everyone in the country.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Yeah. When they were supporting Hitler and stuff,
0:03:12 > 0:03:14they didn't really know what they were doing, did they?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16No, no. We've got to forgive her for that, haven't we? Yes.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Sadiq, tell us what this day means to London.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Well, we've had a weekend of celebrations.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23What sort of street parties are we talking about?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Are these people who want to behead the Queen and get rid of her,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28or who really support her? These are people who love the Queen.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31The sad truth is that if the terrorists don't kill the Queen,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33old age certainly will.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34But who will succeed her?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Charles and Camilla, or William and Kate?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Kate and William. You want to get rid of Charles?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Yes. I don't like Charles and I don't like Camilla.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Skip those bloody pair.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47All he's good enough for being is a Tampax.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Bloody get rid of him, flush him down the toilet, I say.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56So you think they will accept the home-wrecking crone Camilla?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00No. If it was up to you, who would be the next King of England?
0:04:01 > 0:04:02William.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04What was your favourite bit so far?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07The booze, mate. The booze.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09The good old English booze.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11THEY SHOUT RAUCOUSLY
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Well, there you have it. If we're to bring meaning to these miserable
0:04:14 > 0:04:18plebs' lives, Kate and Wills must ascend the throne.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22This is Dale Maily for Britain in crisis, signing off.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27You must have personally pressed the button on a strike mission.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Is that something you can talk to us about? Erm, not really.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35This is where the pilots sit, at an RAF base in Lincolnshire.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39There is absolutely no openness about how drones are being used,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42yet we know that children and civilians are being killed.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Are you confident that we are able to adequately avoid civilian
0:04:45 > 0:04:47casualties with this machine?
0:04:47 > 0:04:51I would say with this machine, we are better empowered
0:04:51 > 0:04:53to be able to avoid civilian casualties.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You guys keep missing your targets.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Missed. Missed.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02It's not good enough.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05You're supposed to be the best drone operators in Lincolnshire.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Woohoo!
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Let's play.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13MUSIC: Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Woohoo.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17This summer. Meet the best of the best in Top Gun 2,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Drone School.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Expect thrills from a low octane world, safe from danger.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm going down...
0:05:26 > 0:05:29stairs for a piss, if anyone wants anything.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31A classic love story.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34It's Kelly from accounts, Don't stand a chance.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Hi, Kelly. Fuck off.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Sure. Yeah.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40A glorious state-sponsored act of terror.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Aargh, I just can't do this anymore.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48What, this indiscriminate killing?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Sitting in this chair's doing my back in.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53A story of rivalry.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Stay away from me, Maverick.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58You're dangerous. Is it because I nuked three schools last week?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01No, it's because you've got a cold and I can't afford to get ill.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03I need the overtime. Makes sense.
0:06:03 > 0:06:09# ..highway to the danger zone... #
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Oh, yes!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Dammit, Maverick.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16You, I love you.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18A bromance of epic proportions.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Did you hit it? Probably.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Top Gun 2 - hitting theatres,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27schools, hospitals, Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29What the fuck are you two doing?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33It seems ridiculous now,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36but vegetables used to be everywhere in Britain.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Shops run by what was called a greengrocer used to trade openly,
0:06:40 > 0:06:43giving their customers their hit of vitamins.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But after the fast food revolution of the 1980s,
0:06:46 > 0:06:48these practices lost popularity.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Since then, the number of fast food outlets have almost doubled on our
0:06:52 > 0:06:56high streets, creating what has been called food deserts.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58This has led to vegetables being pushed underground,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01generating an unregulated black market.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05D'you wanna buy some veg?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08What have you got? Anything you want.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Go, go, go, go, go!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13What's going on? What's going on?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Get on the floor! I didn't do nothing!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Get on the floor!
0:07:16 > 0:07:20This guy's house is being raided while he's still in his underpants.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24That's a technique the officers use to make the veg dealer feel silly.
0:07:24 > 0:07:30His crime? Cultivating chia seeds, bean sprouts and cacao nibs.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Nobby greens on the, er, on the scales there.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34That's intent to supply, that is.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Yeah. He just makes money out of selling this, to kids, mainly.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40Here I am with Daniel, who's just your standard, average,
0:07:40 > 0:07:42unhealthy 19-year-old boy.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44His parents...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Mum and Dad, I know this is hard,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48could you tell us
0:07:48 > 0:07:51when you first realised something was seriously wrong?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Well, I found this in his wardrobe.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I didn't know what it was at first.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59It's a steamer. Yeah, it's a steamer.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00So, turning to you now, Daniel,
0:08:00 > 0:08:03what on earth made you want to try steamed veg?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Well... Er... Me mates was doing it.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09That's it... Yeah? Yeah.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11MOTHER SOBS
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Sorry, it's just...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15It's just, when it's your own baby!
0:08:15 > 0:08:17SHE SOBS
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Ca...? Do you...? I don't want to...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I'll give her a hug. Come on.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Come on, come on, come on.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24SOBBING
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Can I, can I have a go?
0:08:28 > 0:08:29Yes. Yes. Come on.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Yeah, I know. It's tough.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34It's really tough, isn't it?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I know.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41The Labour Party is in the midst of a civil war.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44With Jeremy Corbyn having won his second leadership election by a
0:08:44 > 0:08:48landslide, many believe that Labour is too left wing to be elected into
0:08:48 > 0:08:51government. In this series,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54we follow two Labour Party members on opposing sides of the argument -
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Robin, a died-in-the-wool socialist and canvasser, and Penny,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01a Labour Party advisor and self-confessed Blairite.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05Both are convinced that their version of Labour is the future.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13In recent years, the Labour Party's been branded anti-business,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15an image they desperately need to shake off
0:09:15 > 0:09:17if they're ever going to get into government.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Today, Penny is in the City to offer an olive branch to the bankers.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Of course, bankers are incredibly important,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27they're a force for good in our society.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Apart from the banking crash, obviously, which was a bit of a
0:09:30 > 0:09:32mistake, and the bailout as well.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34And the bonuses as well, so...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Yeah, apart from the banking crash, the bonuses and the bailout,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39bankers are incredibly important in our society.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Excuse me, would you mind lending the Labour Party some money?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45No, thank you, I'm a Conservative.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I'm actually a Conservative. Well, of course, so am I.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50OK. Yeah, so, I'm New Labour.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Ah, I see, OK. Which is pretty much the same thing, right?
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Yeah. Exactly.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Robin is also in the City, with a very different goal.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Do you want to be part of the socialist revolution?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Definitely not. What's money really good for anyway?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Come and see my house.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Jesus bloody... Look at that bastard building there, like!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09D'you know what? Stalin once said that the only good banker was one
0:10:09 > 0:10:13who'd been torn to pieces by rabid dogs. I agree totally, mate.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14But what is money to you?
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Money is like ones and zeros in like the Matrix machine, mate.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Where do they get it from?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Don't know, from the Lizard King or whatever.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Hello, gents, would you mind me just apologising on behalf of the
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Labour Party for Jeremy Corbyn?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Would you like to sign up now for one of our donation programmes?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31You can spend the afternoon with Peter Mandelson in a sauna...
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I couldn't think of anything worse.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35For only 100 quid,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37you can be part of the lynching once we do get rid of... Oh, really?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Yes. Would you like to come to the lynching of Jeremy Corbyn?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Er, no, I'll try and read about it.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43We send you a lock of his hair once he goes.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Yes. That's 400 quid.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Unable to resist a protest,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Robin has decided to occupy RBS's London headquarters,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56hoping that people will hear his message.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Brothers and sisters!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02We must all unite!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06If we band together, we can end the capitalist system!
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Come on! Just buddies!
0:11:08 > 0:11:12There's far too much money in this building!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Come on, man, who's with me?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Come on, mate. I love you, I'm just trying to help!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19We're just trying to be together!
0:11:21 > 0:11:23You've been up them allotments again, haven't you?
0:11:23 > 0:11:24No, I haven't. You've been digging!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27It was just a couple of cherry tomatoes. Don't lie to us, son.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29That toilet reeks of asparagus.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32I'm needing my five a day, Dad, what's wrong with that?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35'It was clear that veg was taking a toll on Daniel's home life.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39'But he agreed to take us to a local club to meet other veg takers.'
0:11:39 > 0:11:41RAVE MUSIC PLAYS
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I've come to a salad rave.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54Ordinarily, these disaffected young people would be found licking grease
0:11:54 > 0:11:58off one another's elbows in bashed-out old bus stops.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59But not any more. Now,
0:11:59 > 0:12:04all they care about is getting off their faces on trendy organic veg,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07whatever the cost! Whoo!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09'At first, it all seemed good, healthy fun.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13'But then I became increasingly aware of irresponsible veg-taking.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18'Suddenly, a man of just 20 years old got himself into a kale hole -
0:12:18 > 0:12:21'that's a term used to describe what happens when a young body accustomed
0:12:21 > 0:12:25'to doner meat and pizzas can't physically process
0:12:25 > 0:12:27'a hit of iron and vitamin C.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31'These are scenes that are all too familiar across the UK,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33'and with the increase of demand in veg,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36'the police are struggling to control the dealers that supply it.'
0:12:37 > 0:12:39What do you need, aubergines, courgettes...?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Psst, I've got peas, got peas.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44You need peas, you need peas? No. You need radish? No.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45You need kale? Any courgettes?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48We're not into it. You need some kale, bruv?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51No, I'm all right. This shit is raw, you've got to steam it first,
0:12:51 > 0:12:53not take it whole, brother. I got that good shit...
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I'll come back later. All right, safe.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57How long you out here? I'm out here for a while, bruv.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00What you need? Yeah, bruv, I got kale, I got broccoli, I got peas.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01What you need, bruv? Need some kale?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Yeah, yeah. Got some good kale, I got ?20 an ounce for the kale.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Got some kale, some peas and some celery, bro. How much you need?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Why can't I come in? Cos your pockets are full up with stuff,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12that's why. My pockets, I've got nothing in my pockets.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Check me, check me. OK.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Shit!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17What are you doing?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Show me your hands!
0:13:25 > 0:13:28What are you doing, mate? I've got nothing on me!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Nothing on me, bruv, nothing!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33INDISTINCT
0:13:34 > 0:13:35What's all that? Shit!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37What's that? Nothing, nothing.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Cucumber. What you doing with a cucumber in your pocket, mate?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41No, there's no cucumber. There's no cucumber.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43What's all that? There's no cucumber. What you...?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45You can't come in with that, man. What are you talking about?
0:13:45 > 0:13:49There's no cucumber, bruv. There's no cucumber! What?!
0:13:49 > 0:13:50What the fuck is this?
0:13:52 > 0:13:53What is it?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01What is it? It's just radishes, bruv.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Earlier in the year, the Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07was warned a crisis was looming...
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Claims that the NHS is being privatised are a huge exaggeration.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Yet it is an argument that is growing ever more loud,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15with critics claiming that we are
0:14:15 > 0:14:18seeing the demise of the NHS as we know it.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26It's 11 o'clock in the morning at St Greg's hospital.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29We've got a male, 55 years old, going into cardiac arrest.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31We need to get him into surgery ASAP.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33OK, we'll take it from here.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37OK, we've got a man, medium income, possible smoker.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Right, do we have a bank card?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40'The managers have decided to take
0:14:40 > 0:14:44'a more hands-on approach with the A department...' Got it.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Clear!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50It's been denied. Erm...
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Look, date of birth, look.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Clear!
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Mother's maiden name. What?!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Why are you lot never BUPA?!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Can I help? Do you know this man's PIN?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02No, I'm a doctor.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Last attempt.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Denied.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Who wants to call it?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11He's gone.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15I mean, it's always incredibly sad losing a patient, but I think
0:15:15 > 0:15:19the hardest part is informing the families that they couldn't
0:15:19 > 0:15:20afford to save them.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23His heart's still beating...?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28I can save him. No, no, no.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31He's gone.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33'But they really do take solace'
0:15:33 > 0:15:36in the knowledge that their loved one's death saved the NHS
0:15:36 > 0:15:37probably thousands of pounds.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Hey, I'm Duckface and I'm an instashelebrity,
0:15:43 > 0:15:47and I'm on about raising awareness about totes important issues
0:15:47 > 0:15:49using social media.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Let's change the planet one hashtag at a time, babes.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Love you!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I heard about this terrible thing that's still going on
0:15:56 > 0:15:58called leprosy. It is disgusting.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Imagine having a bad skin day, like, everyday.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Ugh! Let's start a campaign!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07#LOLING4LEPROSY.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Ah-ha-ha!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Shut up!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15OK, just point the fucking camera over here, OK?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17#LOLING4LEPROSY.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Cos no-one talks about leprosy.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20It's like when your fucking head falls off!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22You don't believe it...
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's like, Loling - LOL... Ha-ha! For leprosy!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Yeah, we'll Tweet it, we'll tell people about it,
0:16:27 > 0:16:28we're going to raise awareness. Yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32We love you, it'll be OK. We're doing as much as we can to help you.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Come on, guys, keep it up, leprosy is...
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Look, leprosy is really bad and we need to start helping people with it!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43LAUGHS CRAZILY
0:16:50 > 0:16:52D'you see what it says? I don't understand.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Leprosy!
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Oh, my God, guys, we've, like, totally done it!
0:16:58 > 0:16:59We've, like, ended leprosy!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03That was amazing! I'm going to have lunch with Lady Gaga now.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Just remember, keep loling.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07HE LAUGHS
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Tweet me!
0:17:11 > 0:17:13I've been a con artist for about eight, nine years now.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Free cinema tickets, free theatre,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17free dinners in the Wolseley, you know.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I've recently found some incredible success, you know,
0:17:20 > 0:17:22pretending to be Tim Farron.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25He's the leader of the Liberal Democrats.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Everyone feels sorry for him but no-one has a clue who he is.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33High-five, Tim Farron! Yeah!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36It's me. Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39You recognise me. It's so awkward when that happens.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Yeah. Cool. Thank you so much. Can you lend me ?5?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46How would you like to have a drink with Tim Farron?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I should know who that is.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Yeah.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53?2. Thank you.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Sure, yeah. Thanks.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Thank you. OK.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Sorry. Just escaping the paparazzi. They're chasing me down the street.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06You famous?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Yeah. I'm Tim Farron.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Cheers.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I'll just have a free flat white instead. That'd be lovely.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15That'd be lovely.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Two sugars. Yes, please.
0:18:17 > 0:18:18OK. Thanks a lot.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21That jacket would look really good on me.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Can we set up a deal? I'd wear it in Parliament, obviously.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Yeah, sure.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27OK. Hey!
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Giving a coffee to Tim Farron!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30You just touched me as well, whoo!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Don't wash. Ha-ha.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Thanks.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Tim Farron.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Yeah! That's lovely.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Yeah.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Are you free after this? Yeah.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49How'd you like to have Tim Farron in the back of your car?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Are you Tim Farron? Yeah.
0:18:51 > 0:18:5310% discount? Yes?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Take me to Parliament because that's where I work.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Because I'm Tim Farron.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01I'm picturing someone else.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Yeah. Perhaps you're picturing Nick Clegg, I don't know.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Can I see the frame, please?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Is this the interview and that, yeah?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I'm Karl, AKA the pop-up genie.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20FKA Papa Pop-up.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22My mates call me Carlito's Way.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Pop-ups are, like, experiential experiences.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Like, one-offs, like, I've got pop-ups in my blood.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I've been in it since longer than I can remember.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Like, years. Like, I am a pop-up.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Hammer And Gun. It's basically like a normal restaurant.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43You get to choose how you want your meat to die.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46So, like, stun gun, slit throat, or beaten to death with a hammer.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48All right. Welcome to Hammer And Gun.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Gas chamber for you?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52No? Could I actually get a punch in the face?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54You want a punch in the face? Yes.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56All right, cool. So, that's four punches in the face.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Yeah. All right, sweet.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03People want, like, an authentic experience, and that.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05So we created TV dinners.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Like, basically, we created bespoke sitting rooms
0:20:08 > 0:20:11and just whack X Factor on the telly, and then just
0:20:11 > 0:20:13serve them microwave meals and that.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15It blew up, like, it got massive.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Maybe too big for us.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Whoo, like, kebabs smashed the industry's back doors in.
0:20:23 > 0:20:28We actually had, like, a proper kebab house but, like, ironically,
0:20:28 > 0:20:33so we had, like, an actual fat Turkish man serving actual shitty
0:20:33 > 0:20:36doner kebabs but for, like, 28 quid.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Like, lively.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41We had RADA trained actors, right?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Who were actually there just to
0:20:43 > 0:20:45knock the punters pittas out of their hand.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54I've realised that food is also about family 'n' that.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Right? Because centre of mealtimes is part of family life.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Right? So, I've created "bring your own mum."
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Right. Your own mum comes in with her ingredients,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07cooks you food and does the washing-up.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I have two toad-in-the-holes,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11one shepherd's pie and two corn beef hash.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Do you know I mean, like, copyright?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19The Conservative Party has begun a new era and
0:21:19 > 0:21:23the Prime Minister Theresa May has created a new Cabinet, bringing
0:21:23 > 0:21:25lesser-known faces to the fore.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29In this film, we followed James Tottington-Burbage, Conservative MP,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32who, after falling out of favour with the former Prime Minister...
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Just wanted to give you this Bullingdon album.... Thank you.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Would you give me a sign of it?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39..now finds himself one of the key players in shaping
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Theresa May's Britain.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Farnborough, absolutely incredible.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Weapons everywhere.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Today, James is at the annual Farnborough trade show,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54a global showcase for some of the world's largest
0:21:54 > 0:21:57weapon manufacturers, with 81 military delegations
0:21:57 > 0:21:59from 50 countries ready to do business.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I got a hard-on the moment I walked in the bloody door.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05The arms trade is a multi-billion pound industry,
0:22:05 > 0:22:09an industry that Britain is very much a part of and James has been
0:22:09 > 0:22:13charged with the duty of maintaining lucrative global relations.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Colonel. Lovely to see you. Lovely to see you.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Lovely to see you, too. What are you looking to buy here today?
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Probably better technology.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Some good machine guns on it.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Some aerial tracking. God forbid that, you know,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27your people rise up against you, but, if they did,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29you want to make sure that your communications are secure.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Oh, yes. Listen,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33I'm here to say that Theresa May may be a woman but when it comes to
0:22:33 > 0:22:35military technology she sure has big balls.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39You know? Yeah. I just want you to know, man-to-man,
0:22:39 > 0:22:41the British will always be there with you.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44We may just need a little bit more help from now on.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46OK? All right.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50It's reported that the UK Government sells ?3 billion worth of weapons
0:22:50 > 0:22:53to countries with oppressive regimes.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55One of our best customers is Saudi Arabia,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59a country that has access to twice as many British-made warplanes as
0:22:59 > 0:23:03the RAF does. Some of which have reportedly been used in their
0:23:03 > 0:23:06controversial bombing campaign of Yemen.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Honestly, it's like being in Top Gun.
0:23:11 > 0:23:16James has bumped into fellow delegate Abbey King Khawaja,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18a representative of Omega Ark,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21a growing conglomerate and key player in aviation.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Roar of another one taking off. Roar of another, amazing.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Just, like, grabs you by the loins, doesn't it? It does.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32That's really amazing. Really makes you feel like a real man.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36It's the thrill, the thrill. The macho-ness about it. So much oomph!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Listen, if loving killing machines like that is wrong,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I don't want to be right. You know what I mean?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42I second that emotion.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45We hear you've been structuring some good deals recently.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Yes, I have. A lot of governments come to us to purchase, maybe, ten
0:23:49 > 0:23:53or 12 aircraft. Who are we talking about here? What states?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Far East governments. You've got the Saudis? The Saudis, of course.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58The Middle East alliances.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00So the Bahrainis have taken some?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02The Bahrainis. People in the UAE?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04The Israelis? People who need to look after their people.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Make sure they've got them in their pocket, as it were.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Absolutely. There's nothing that's going to scare the bejesus out of
0:24:10 > 0:24:13anyone than that thing coming through the sound barrier, is there?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Brrroooom! Absolutely. How much have you sold so far?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Over $4 billion worth.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20That's the sort of figures that Theresa May wants to hear, isn't it?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Absolutely, yes. Brexit, what Brexit?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25What Brexit? We're open for business. We've always been open
0:24:25 > 0:24:28to business. We should always be open for business.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Yeah. But isn't it true, the old English adage,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32keep your friends close and your enemies closer?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Cos you know what you do with dangerous men? Absolutely.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36You make sure you sell them weapons so you make sure that
0:24:36 > 0:24:38they're your friends, isn't that right? Always.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43Make them sign that special contract that says they cannot buy from us
0:24:43 > 0:24:45and use the same against us.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Exactly. Sign on the dotted line.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Use them on your own people, but not on us!
0:24:49 > 0:24:50The stick and the carrot.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Exactly. Keep them happy and then bang them on the head with a stick.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56If they fall out of line... Fantastic.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58..by all means, use the stick.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Well, they're killing machines, aren't they? Maximum.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Yeah. Maximum damage.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05You know, to clear the way for the tanks to come through.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Clearing the way for democracy. Absolutely.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Democracy is the way forward.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Welcome to London.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14One of the most cosmopolitan,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17vibrant and non-judgmental cities in the world.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19This is the Irish Explorer's Guide,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22suitable for any woman who might just fancy a trip to London to see
0:25:22 > 0:25:24what choices are out there for her.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27The very best thing about London is the people.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30You'll never find a more eclectic range of characters,
0:25:30 > 0:25:33from the Pearly Kings and pub landlords of the East End,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36to the nurses, doctors, gynaecologists
0:25:36 > 0:25:40and women's sexual health experts of University College Hospital,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43they're all helpful and supportive -
0:25:43 > 0:25:45whatever your decision.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48There is so much choice in London.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51You can choose to do whatever you want.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55And if you decide you want to do something, you can just abort that plan and make a new one.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Because it's your body.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I mean, holiday.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01You've been on your feet all day,
0:26:01 > 0:26:04so it's time to indulge in that lovely English tradition
0:26:04 > 0:26:08of having a cup of tea and a slice of whatever you fancy.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11This is Jack. Jack, could I have a cup of Earl Grey
0:26:11 > 0:26:14and an iced bun, please? Yeah. Actually, Jack, wait a minute,
0:26:14 > 0:26:18I think I've changed my mind. I'd like a croissant.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Is it all right if you take my iced bun out of the oven, please?
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Yeah. No problem.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25No problem. Isn't that marvellous?
0:26:25 > 0:26:30Jack has listened to me and has respected my right to choose,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33as a woman, not to have an iced bun.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35What is so hard about that?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Well, I've had a fabulous time in London.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39And, no doubt, you will, too.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Cheers! Or, as they say in London,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45abortion has been legal in the UK since 1967.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51After a successful morning, at Farnborough,
0:26:51 > 0:26:54James returns to Downing Street and, by chance,
0:26:54 > 0:26:57stumbles across some members of the opposing party.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Oh, Jeremy. Just want to say,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01fantastic job you've done for the Conservative Party.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02You'll keep us in power for years.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Really appreciate it. I think that's a sort of backhanded compliment.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Oh, it is. I mean, it's a backhanded compliment.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You know, 2020 will just be a walk in the park, won't it?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13You must be very pleased about what you've done.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You've literally set the party back decades.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I mean, literally. It's just literally imploding in your hands.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20You must be over the moon.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I certainly am. That's right, Andy.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Have a good laugh about it.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27I just want to thank Jeremy Corbyn, Dennis Skinner and Andy Burnham,
0:27:27 > 0:27:30who've all contributed to the utter destruction of the Labour Party.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33And I just want to say, from the Conservatives,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36we just want to thank you so much for all being here today.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Thanks so much.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40?20 a cabbage!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43LAUGHTER
0:27:43 > 0:27:44You've got those cabbages, bruv.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47This is my patch. It's my cabbage patch.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49?20 a cabbage!
0:27:50 > 0:27:51So, you know, bruv,
0:27:51 > 0:27:56don't step on my fucking cabbage patch. ?20 a cabbage!
0:27:56 > 0:28:00See. Move out, bruv. The farmer owns this patch, bruv.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02It's the farmer's patch.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04It's the farmer's patch, bruv.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05That's how you know.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Got that courgette, babe. Weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13How many peas you holding?
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Donald Trump. Yeah. He scares me a bit. Yeah.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24And he wants to build a wall, doesn't he? Yeah.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Round his self. Yeah.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Moscow won't want to pay for that wall. Moscow?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Mexico! Mexico.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Tell me what hard Brexit is, then. It's going to be hard to leave.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35You don't understand the word 'ard?
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Yeah, I don't understand what Brexit's got to do with hard.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Well... Britain, exit. Yeah.