0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10HE SHOUTS
0:00:10 > 0:00:13He's not going to stop Trident, he says.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16I hope you feel you really have had the full experience now.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Welcome to Inside The Story!
0:00:23 > 0:00:24I'm Dale Maily,
0:00:24 > 0:00:28fearless hetero journalist who's not afraid to be unafraid.
0:00:28 > 0:00:33I deliver fair, impartial news as it happens, wherever it happens,
0:00:33 > 0:00:35telling you the right way to think.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40The BBC, a once-fantastic British institution,
0:00:40 > 0:00:44has been rocked by a barrage of scandals, including paedophile
0:00:44 > 0:00:49cover-ups, biased news coverage and extortionate executive payoffs.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I'm here at their lavish headquarters to find out why
0:00:52 > 0:00:56this Trotskyite Marxist corporation has been taking the Michael
0:00:56 > 0:00:58out of the taxpayer for so long.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Why would you say it is value for taxpayers' money?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Cos it costs the equivalent of about a pint of lager a week.
0:01:03 > 0:01:08- When did you start just making Marxist propaganda?- Oh, erm...
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Do you work inside the BBC?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12As you can see again, silence, just silence, a wall of silence.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Where do they keep the paedophiles?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20It's clear I'm not getting any answers from these yoghurt weavers,
0:01:20 > 0:01:23so I've decided to penetrate Auntie.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Oh, my God, how much did that cost? Look at that! How much did that...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I mean, that's not from Ikea, is it?
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- I mean, what is that? Is this taxpayer subsidised?- I don't know.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Those clothes - how much did they cost?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- Did the British taxpayer pay for that?- This is my shirt.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40You've got to ask, you've got to ask the...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42As a real journalist, I'm getting inside the story.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Ah, come on, go away.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47There's a token white person just standing there in the sunlight.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I think you must be ashamed.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Reaching out as a Marxist, lunatic, Trotskyite organisation.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Is that what you want?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Look, they're even saying all the places they're broadcasting to.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Dakkar, Islamabad, Kabul - guilty. Guilty as charged.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Are you interviewing anyone in a foreign language or...?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Yeah, it's in a foreign language. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07And what country is that from?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09That's for...from Pakistan.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Really, from Pakistan?
0:02:12 > 0:02:16Yeah, this is part of the BBC World Service, so of course...
0:02:16 > 0:02:20- Oh, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you talk to Pakistan every day?- Yes.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Jesus CHRIST!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Sorry, do you work here?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Yes, I do. - And how much do you get paid?
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- I'm not sure if I can tell you. - You've been censored.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40Hello, my name's Paapa Essiedu and I was the first black actor to
0:02:40 > 0:02:42play Hamlet at the Royal Shakespeare Company up in
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Stratford-upon-Avon, but when I'm not doing that,
0:02:44 > 0:02:48I play one of the country's most loved characters.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49As a young actor,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52you're always on the lookout for that breakthrough role
0:02:52 > 0:02:56so I play Boris in the classical clown tradition - this affable,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59bumbling kind of cuddly bear-type figure
0:02:59 > 0:03:02who will just say and do the stupidest things.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Kind of like a five-year-old in a grown man's body.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Oh, yeah, I do all my own stunts.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Oh, Christ!- I'm so lucky I've got a great team around me.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16There's so much planning that goes into these things,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19right down to the tightness of my harness round my bottom to
0:03:19 > 0:03:21give me the perfect wedgie.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24It took a while to find a voice for Boris, if I'm honest.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26And it was called whiff-whaff!
0:03:26 > 0:03:30You've got to kind of combine this strange rumble.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Behold this brick.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36With saying the stupidest sentences imaginable.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Being blinded by a champagne cork or being reincarnated as an
0:03:39 > 0:03:41olive or locked in a disused fridge.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43The jeopardy of a stunt is sometimes
0:03:43 > 0:03:45as, if not more important, than the humour of it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51There were some particularly troubling unemployment statistics
0:03:51 > 0:03:54in the press and we needed something that was funny,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57but at the same time shocking to distract away from it and it
0:03:57 > 0:03:59was an ad lib, actually.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I remember I was stumbling and trying to run in this suit,
0:04:03 > 0:04:07it was quite difficult, and I saw this kid in front of me,
0:04:07 > 0:04:10and I thought, "Just go with it."
0:04:12 > 0:04:14WHISTLE BLOWS
0:04:16 > 0:04:17I mean, sometimes, as an actor,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19it's really important to just follow your instincts.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23We've got a lot of stuff planned for my stint as Foreign Secretary
0:04:23 > 0:04:25so we're deep in rehearsals for that.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Those are our pledges
0:04:27 > 0:04:31and those are our peas and... Our pledges!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34It's going to be absolutely hilarious! So, stay tuned.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- Hello, I am Anders and this is Ole. - Hello!- And we are Chicken Squared.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47All I ever wanted to do was design things and maximise space.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52When these other children are outside playing,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56we are inside increasing efficiency of Mother's spice cupboard.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00When we are 15 years old, we have designed the Billy bookcase.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Billy bookcase.- For Ikea. - Ik... Ikea.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06This is something that is taking the world by storm.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10But, eventually, furniture has become too easy for us, too boring.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13We are looking for something different to test ourselves.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16We were watching a programme about the horrific state
0:05:16 > 0:05:20of mass animal farming in Europe and were deeply shocked
0:05:20 > 0:05:21by these poultry farms.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24This was something that has made me very upsetting.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28We just could not believe the horrific waste of space.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- So, Ole, a bit of space there. - Oh. It is a space.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Look at all that space there. Look, I'm dancing!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39What if, instead of changing the building, you change the animal?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- That is when it hit us. - Square chickens.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46- It just made total ergonomic sense. - What shape is an oven?- Square.
0:05:46 > 0:05:51- A sandwich?- Square.- A refrigerated lorry?- Square.- Square.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Ole realised that in much the same way you can bend and
0:05:53 > 0:05:57manipulate the human baby, you can do the same with the chickens
0:05:57 > 0:06:00so we put the chicks into a square container and whoosh!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03The chicken becomes a squicken.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07The square chicken has its own identity, its own apartment.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09It's a very tight-knit community.
0:06:09 > 0:06:15That is Godmorgan, that is Serge, Ivar, Knutson and that is Keith.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19That was a cheeky little joke that we have made. Haha!
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Hey!
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I'm Duckface and I'm an Insta-celebrity and I'm all
0:06:24 > 0:06:29about raising awareness about totes important issues using social media.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Let's change the planet one hashtag at a time, babes. Love you!
0:06:33 > 0:06:37So, guys, I've just heard that they're being so mean to,
0:06:37 > 0:06:41like, whales, which are, like, my favourite creature under the sea.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45But what if we just wailed, babes, for whales? Get it?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Wailing for Whales!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49HE WAILS
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Shut up!
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Wailing for Whales on Snapchat!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Wailing For Whales, here with my little bitches?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01The Japanese keep whaling.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- Do you know, like, whales?- Yeah. - Like the fish?- Yeah, yeah.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05- Have you seen this trending yet? - Yeah, yeah.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Did you know that?- Yeah, I did. - Wailing For Whales.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I will do it on my Facebook.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- So sexy!- Thank you. - She's a bitch, I hate her.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Oh, my God, it's all about you. - We have to look after the whales.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17THEY SCREAM
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Can someone fucking hold this?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24THEY WAIL
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- I wail for whales, bitches! - Yeah, that's right, bitches.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31She's wailing for whales! What have you done? Nothing!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34You've done it, babes, well done. We've totally saved the whales.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Yaay!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Tweet me.
0:07:40 > 0:07:45- We knew the rebrand had to be revolution, not evolution.- Nyaah!
0:07:45 > 0:07:50You could say that we are really thinking inside the box.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56And so we are launching the Squicken at one of Britain's largest
0:07:56 > 0:08:00agricultural events to show them the future of the farming.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Good afternoon, ladies. Have you heard of the Square Chicken Company?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05It looks awful. What is it?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Vot shape is an oven?- Square.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Vot shape is a lorry?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Square.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- Square.- Square.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15What?!
0:08:15 > 0:08:18And you stack the chicken up and to the side, and then you have
0:08:18 > 0:08:20lots of chickens in the barn.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- Isn't that animal cruelty?- No. What is it that you farm?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Turkeys, cows.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33- You have the square turkeys?- No, we don't have none at the moment.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35That is an awful waste of space.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36A vaste of space!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40I think that English people like the idea
0:08:40 > 0:08:42that the animals are free-range.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Cos you are just breaking an animal's legs and then just
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- leaving it there to grow.- Yeah.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Its feet have become extended into its arm, like small dinosaur,
0:08:50 > 0:08:52with its toes into its bottom.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- My grandchildren's children would probably agree with all that.- Yeah.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00We have asked the chickens and 70% of chickens are happier
0:09:00 > 0:09:02when they are square.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05The other 30% did not respond to the survey.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07- How did they answer it?- Like that.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Maybe soon, you will catch up vith the technology in Sweden.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12OK.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20The cost of the arena has soared to more than £750 million.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22London Mayor Sadiq Khan has ordered an investigation into
0:09:22 > 0:09:26the stadium's finances and the deal by which West Ham pay
0:09:26 > 0:09:29just £2.5 million a year in rent.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32The taxpayer built the stadium,
0:09:32 > 0:09:38the taxpayer put most of the money into redeveloping the stadium.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Well, we're finally here in the Olympic Stadium.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43People literally going crazy,
0:09:43 > 0:09:47questions swirling in the fans' mind all summer about how Boris
0:09:47 > 0:09:51managed to put pen to paper without the European Commission seeing it.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Absolutely extraordinary scenes!
0:09:53 > 0:09:54How does it feel to be here?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Well, it's great to the taxpayer for paying for it.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I don't think that we have borrowed the taxpayers' money here.
0:09:59 > 0:10:00You've literally taken it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And you've got the taxpayers' money.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03- Are you going to give it back? - Are we fuck!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05# Boris Johnson's having a party
0:10:05 > 0:10:07# Boris Johnson's having a party... #
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Is an iron being held to the British taxpayers' feet
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- at the moment over the 138 million?- Yes.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14It's still going to be an athletics track,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17we're still going to support the athletics, the British Council.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19For nothing, innit? We're laughing all the way.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22You're laughing all the way to the bank while the taxpayers
0:10:22 > 0:10:24literally have the piss ripped out of them.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Isn't that right?- Sod the taxman!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29# They paid for our ground
0:10:29 > 0:10:31# Except for Scousers, they've paid for our ground. #
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Thank you.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Extraordinary scenes!
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Extraordinary scenes!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38APPLAUSE
0:10:44 > 0:10:46When we came to Birmingham this week,
0:10:46 > 0:10:50some big questions were hanging in the air.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Do we have a plan for Brexit? We do.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Are we ready for the effort it will take to see it through?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00We are.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05The referendum was not just a vote to withdraw from the EU.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07It was about something broader,
0:11:07 > 0:11:11something that the European Union had come to represent.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16Now is the time to forge a bold new confident role for ourselves
0:11:16 > 0:11:18on the world stage.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I understand the frustration people feel when they see the rich
0:11:21 > 0:11:24and powerful getting away with things that they themselves
0:11:24 > 0:11:25wouldn't dream of doing
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and they wouldn't get away with if they tried.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Conservatives have always understood that if you want to preserve
0:11:31 > 0:11:36something important, you need to be prepared to reform it.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39This is our generation's moment.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I'm Eugene X, a totally non-racist white South African,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59and I've come to the UK for a multicultural holiday,
0:11:59 > 0:12:02and who better to get tips from than Paul Golding?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Terrorist scum! - Off our streets!
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Taliban scum! - Off our streets!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Leader of Britain First, an organisation that is also
0:12:10 > 0:12:14totally not racist that organise marches to protect British values.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17It's going to be an absolute gas.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Paul, I want to see the UK and all the finest spots
0:12:19 > 0:12:21without getting radicalised.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Where should I go and where should I not go?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Well, if you don't want to get radicalised,
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- then stay away from places like Bradford...- Right.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30..Blackburn, Luton, east London...
0:12:30 > 0:12:31How will I know if I'm being radicalised?
0:12:31 > 0:12:34If you're in Bradford and you feel like growing a beard...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- Then maybe...- ..and you feel like wearing bedsheets...- Right.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- And you feel like running around shouting, "Allahu Akbar..."- Right.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41..then I would start to get worried.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45What aspects of our culture are you most worried about losing?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- Our national identity.- What is that?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49We've got our history,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51stretching back all the way to the beginning of the dawn of history.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Yes.- God Save... The monarchy. - Monarchy.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Excuse me, sir. Is the Queen safe?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59MUSIC: Instrumental of Rule Britannia
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Our flags.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Good gosh, the UK really is a country of flags.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- Probably some historical anthems. - Right.- Jerusalem.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09MUSIC: Jerusalem plays through headphones
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Oh, ja, brah, Jerusalem.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13What an absolute banger.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Castles.- Castles.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Look at this handsome British Castle,
0:13:18 > 0:13:22built by the famous King William the Conqueror, who was from France.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Yeah, stuff like that.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26And what you don't want is these people, sort of,
0:13:26 > 0:13:28trashing the great British culture. Is that right?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- And changing it so it's completely irrecognisable?- Absolutely.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Our country is changing for the worse.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35It's changing out of something...
0:13:35 > 0:13:39From what has existed for centuries, millenniums. It's changing.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Where... The town I grew up in, Erith, in south-east London,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45when I was growing up it was completely English.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47It was a lovely place to grow up.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- When I go back there now, it looks like Nigeria.- Right.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'm here in Paul's Golding's town of Erith.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55In order to fit in, I've worn this traditional Nigerian dress.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Let's have a look about.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oruko mi ni Eugene.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Nibo ni ka tsaya.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Haven't a bloody clue, mate.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Oruko mi ni Eugene.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Oruko mi ni Eugene.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- You speak English?- Yeah, of course I do.- Oh, right.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- That's not English though. - No, that was Nigerian.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Well, how can I understand it then?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Great top tip there from Paul Golding. Thank you, Paul Golding.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25- Lovely to meet you.- You too.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30'The Conservative Party has begun a new era,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33'and the Prime Minister Theresa May has created a new cabinet,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36'bringing lesser-known faces to the fore.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39'In this film we follow James Tottington-Burbidge,
0:14:39 > 0:14:40'Conservative MP,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43'who after falling out of favour with the former Prime Minister...'
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I just wanted to give you this Bullingdon album.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- Oh, well, thank you very much. - Would you give me a sign of it?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50'..now finds himself one of the key players in shaping
0:14:50 > 0:14:52'Theresa May's Britain.'
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Yeah, I've just come down to Scotland to speak to the Scotch,
0:14:58 > 0:15:00cos they're bloody playing up after the Brexit thing,
0:15:00 > 0:15:01don't know their place,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03so I've got to tell them what for
0:15:03 > 0:15:05and make sure they're with us in the negotiation.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08'After a majority Remain vote in Scotland,
0:15:08 > 0:15:11'the Scottish National Party have made it clear they'll
0:15:11 > 0:15:14'do anything in their power to stay in the EU.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17'This has led to calls for a second independence referendum,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20'calls that cannot be ignored by Westminster.'
0:15:20 > 0:15:23'Scotland's First Minister has delighted this conference with
0:15:23 > 0:15:26'a challenge to Theresa May - "If you can't find
0:15:26 > 0:15:29' "a way to keep Scotland in the single market, I will." '
0:15:29 > 0:15:33I have never doubted that Scotland will one day become
0:15:33 > 0:15:36an independent country, and I believe it today.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39'James has been sent north of the border to gauge whether
0:15:39 > 0:15:42'the Scottish people really do want to trade in being British for
0:15:42 > 0:15:43'being in the European Union.'
0:15:43 > 0:15:44BAGPIPES PLAY
0:15:44 > 0:15:47I'm on the phone! Jesus Christ.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51My name's James. I've just come up from London.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Apparently there's been a huge upsurge
0:15:53 > 0:15:55in the desire for independence since the Brexit vote?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Yeah, there's probably a really strong thing for independence.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I think they need to make a big decision.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04But surely Scotland was just a country full of barbarians
0:16:04 > 0:16:06in dresses before the Englishmen came.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Your attitude towards us,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10it's like we're just one of your peasants.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Well, yes, you are the peasants,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14but that's not a problem. I mean, we love the peasants.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Shall I come back in three days' time when you're sober or...?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Me, personally, I wanted independence before the referendum.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- But, why, though? Do you not want to preserve the United Kingdom?- No.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- We were promised that we would remain within the EU...- Yeah.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30And then now, obviously, we're not going to be in the EU.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Can I just ask you...?- No, I'm going to the pub shortly.- Two seconds.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36You're... You're always in the pub, you Scottish people.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39In England, we know that the Scottish knowing their place
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- is a vital...- Excuse me?
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Well, I mean, you said it.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- The independence referendum was fair and democratic.- Yeah.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- The EU referendum was not democratic.- Why not?
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Because it played on fears and people's emotions and wasn't
0:16:58 > 0:17:00based on fact in the slightest.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Some Scottish people want to have another independence referendum.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Would you be able to report on your neighbours
0:17:05 > 0:17:07if they started talking that talk?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10No, what do you think, that we're from bloody China or somewhere?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12No, I think you're Scottish, and we're English,
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- and you need to help us out.- Why?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Well, before we came up here,
0:17:15 > 0:17:17you were all barbarians running around in skirts.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25You shouldn't take a photo with that flag, with that flag any more.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26It's illegal.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Her family, who come from a strict Pakistani background,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33wanted the marriage to repay a debt.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35She was repeatedly beaten.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Successful action against forced marriages
0:17:38 > 0:17:41so often depends on the potential victims speaking out.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44I was born here, so I knew what my rights were.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I was worth more than just a repayment.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Every bride likes to take control of her wedding,
0:17:50 > 0:17:53so what happens when she has no say on her big day?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Welcome to...
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Seriously Don't Tell The Bride.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00This is Mehat.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02He's come to this bridal-wear shop to look at some wedding
0:18:02 > 0:18:05dresses for the big day.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Hello, there!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Come on in!
0:18:08 > 0:18:09I assume this is the groom?
0:18:09 > 0:18:11No, this is the bride's brother.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Oh, OK. And you are... - I'm her father.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Right.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- And the groom is...- Pakistan. Waiting for delivery.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23OK. Well, let's look at some dresses.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Mehat is a British Pakistani,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28and his sister's wedding is a big deal for the family.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Yeah, on one hand I'm really excited about my sister getting married.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33But, at the same time,
0:18:33 > 0:18:36I do wish my dad had threatened to have her hanged if she said no.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39But that's just Dad.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45The bride and groom's parents are meeting at Mehat's house,
0:18:45 > 0:18:49where he and his dad are about to discover who his sister is marrying.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52What? Sorry, you're breaking up. Is your Wi-Fi playing up?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Joining them via Skype from Pakistan
0:18:55 > 0:18:57for a stag do is the groom, Mohammad.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59All I'm saying is, I just don't...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Dad wants a more traditional wedding, whereas Mehat,
0:19:01 > 0:19:06like many other people, wants his dad to step out of the Dark Ages.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- Hello?- Dad, have we got any dips or anything?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- No, we've got to save the pennies for the honeymoon.- Right.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13When you say honeymoon, you mean dowry?
0:19:15 > 0:19:18After a fun afternoon at the stag do,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Mehat's father has had a call from the bridal-wear shop to say
0:19:21 > 0:19:24that his daughter's dress is ready for a fitting.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27OK, so maybe you'd like to come out and take a look in the long mirror.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Of course, I don't want you to feel forced or anything.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34ANTHEMIC MUSIC
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Now, Mehat, you're actually about a foot taller than your sister,
0:19:39 > 0:19:41but we can always take it in if needs be.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Yeah, I think she'd like that.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Great. Do you want to, er, walk up and down a bit,
0:19:45 > 0:19:46just to get a feel for it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Yeah.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52I actually think you look fab.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Thank you!- Enough. Enough, thank you, that's enough.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00Thank you, stop filming. Cut! Switch it off now.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02So, it seems as if Mehat's dad has pulled it out of the bag
0:20:02 > 0:20:05and the wedding will go ahead.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Join us next week, when mischievous dad Sylvan tries to marry off
0:20:08 > 0:20:11daughter Aaliyah as part of a property deal,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14on Seriously Don't Tell The Bride - Iran Special.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17SLOW CLAP
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Today Jim McCormick was sentenced to ten years in prison for
0:20:23 > 0:20:26selling fake bomb detectors around the world.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29In truth, the elaborate hoax was just a rebranding of
0:20:29 > 0:20:32a novelty machine for finding golf balls.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35At the height of the Iraq war, police used thousands
0:20:35 > 0:20:38at checkpoints, believing they'd help prevent explosions.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45British businesses have form when it comes to exploiting
0:20:45 > 0:20:48war-torn countries, and conmen like me want in on the gravy train,
0:20:48 > 0:20:51so I've come to the government-run International Business Festival
0:20:51 > 0:20:54in Liverpool to sell virtually useless
0:20:54 > 0:20:57untested military supplies to Johnny Foreigner.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- Well...- Portable military supplies? - That's right.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00We're trying to find a niche.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03One of our first products, the bulletproof burka,
0:21:03 > 0:21:04- you might have heard of that. - No.- No?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06This is used in a lot of countries
0:21:06 > 0:21:08which have serious security issues right now.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11So, you look it under the burka like that.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- I've worked for the military for a long time.- Oh, really? Great.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- We got the P46125, you know those? - Oh, yeah?- Islamatectors.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Oh, right.- So, basically, they detect extremism.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- Right.- Mostly Muslim extremism. - Yeah, yeah.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26- Potential security threats.- That's relevant at the moment, so...- Yeah.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31- The P4561, so it picks up on certain key indicators.- Like what?
0:21:31 > 0:21:35- You know, skin colour, beard length, things like that.- Seriously?- Yeah.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Spotting it earlier as well.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Spotting it earlier, yeah, and provides you with useful,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41like, cross-examination questions for potential suspects, like,
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- "Do you want a pork chop?"- Right. - Obviously!- Yeah!
0:21:45 > 0:21:46- Bomb detecting...- Yeah.- ..animals.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Obviously you've got dogs and dolphins which are used by the
0:21:49 > 0:21:51military right now, but there's a move now, I'm not sure
0:21:51 > 0:21:53- if you're aware, otters, very intelligent animals.- Oh, right.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- Real otters?- Real otters, yeah. Families of otters. Yeah.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Yeah, but how do they report to you?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01They come back and they go... HE SMACKS HIS LIPS
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Like that.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05And then you know that there's something wrong.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- Well, I hope to make a killing. - Yeah. Well, I hope you do. - THEY LAUGH
0:22:12 > 0:22:14The Labour Party is in the midst of a civil war.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18With Jeremy Corbyn having won his second leadership election
0:22:18 > 0:22:21by a landslide, many believe that Labour is too left-wing
0:22:21 > 0:22:22to be elected into government.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25In this series, we follow two Labour Party members
0:22:25 > 0:22:27on opposing sides of the argument.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Robin, a dyed-in-the-wool socialist and canvasser, and Penny,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34a Labour Party adviser and self-confessed Blairite.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Both are convinced that their version of Labour is the future.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44It's morally unacceptable for Britain...
0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's July, and anti-Trident protesters have gathered
0:22:46 > 0:22:49outside Westminster to await the result of a parliamentary vote
0:22:49 > 0:22:53about the renewal of Britain's nuclear deterrent.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Overhearing the commotion from his office,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59Penny has come down to see what the demonstrators would do
0:22:59 > 0:23:01if ever faced with a nuclear stand-off.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Oh, well, I just popped out from Parliament, a quick break,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and I saw all these people on Parliament Square exercising
0:23:06 > 0:23:08their democratic right to protest
0:23:08 > 0:23:10against nuclear weapons, which is lovely...
0:23:10 > 0:23:11if it were the '60s.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15Most Labour MPs are said to be for the £205 billion renewal
0:23:15 > 0:23:18of Trident, but with the Labour leader being a lifelong campaigner
0:23:18 > 0:23:20against nuclear arms,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22the party looks more at odds with itself than ever.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25TIN RATTLES
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Sorry.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Excuse me. Sorry... Would you mind?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- What?- It's just quite... It's quite noisy.- Where?- This.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Quite NOISY?!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Yes. It was just quite annoying.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38- ANNOYING?!- Yes.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40This is annoying!
0:23:40 > 0:23:43- I mean, it's not...- What? - DOG BARKS
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Well, that's not going to stop Trident, is it? Doing that all the time?
0:23:45 > 0:23:48- This is not going to stop Trident, he says! - HE LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Jesus Christ.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Hey, I love your sign, man. Where'd you get that one from?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- I did it myself. - Did you do it yourself?- Yeah!
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Amazing, I like it, high five.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Corbynista Robin has come along to the demonstration to talk
0:24:00 > 0:24:04to like-minded people about the consequences of nuclear war.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07But you know what they say, now, if you're going to play with nukes,
0:24:07 > 0:24:09you're going to end up burning in a smelting apocalypse
0:24:09 > 0:24:11the like of which we haven't
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- even seen since Independence Day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Well, it's not a great turnout, is it?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I mean on a sunny day, you'd have thought people would want to be in the sun.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Well, perhaps they've got more important things to do.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- What's more important than...- What?
0:24:22 > 0:24:23..saving people from nuclear disasters?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Well, you know, perhaps they've got things to do
0:24:25 > 0:24:27that are, sort of, remotely achievable.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Do you think we're going to lose or win?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Almost certainly lose.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Shit.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Are they?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Why are we here then if they're going to win?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40- Shit.- Yeah.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I don't know, I see no reason why the UK needs nuclear weapons today.
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Considering we won't even use them.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Well, it's so other countries don't bully us, you know?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- Take our lunch money.- Who's going to bully us?- Well, the bigger boys.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52So, I suppose we should just let it happen to us, should we,
0:24:52 > 0:24:54if Putin decides to push the button?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56We'll just let him blow us all up, would you?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- Yeah.- Yes. Lovely... Lovely to chat.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Yeah.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10We're losing one in five of them at the moment, and everything
0:25:10 > 0:25:14that is impacting on them will have an affect on other species.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17More than half of our native animals and plants are in decline.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21Children like these will always love discovering nature, but what
0:25:21 > 0:25:25will still be there for the next generation to enjoy, nobody knows.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Hello.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27I'm Tim Fogey-Brown,
0:25:27 > 0:25:31and welcome to a special twilight edition of Countryphilia.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Now, it's a sad fact that we're all too unaware of that due to
0:25:34 > 0:25:39the expansion of city centres, certain beautiful British species,
0:25:39 > 0:25:43such as the common hedgehog and the humble ant, are sadly in decline.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47But, here on the margins of London, certain species are still thriving.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I'm talking of course about the dogger.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51And I'm here to find out more.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Dogging is the quintessentially British pastime
0:25:56 > 0:25:58of observing public coitus.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02And I'm here to meet somewhat of an expert in the field.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Tell me, where did this passion first come from?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06- How did you get into this? - Oh, that's an interesting question.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10It was a long while ago now, and I was sitting at home and Janet,
0:26:10 > 0:26:12my wife, she just popped out for a couple of years.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- So, I went over to the woods... - Yeah.- And I heard some noises...
0:26:16 > 0:26:17- Right.- ..I'd never heard before.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- Sort of like, er... - What sort of noise?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21GUTTURAL MOAN
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I see, and what sort of spe...? HE MOANS AGAIN
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Well, what were you listening to, then? What was that species?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- That particular species was called a Newcastle Rustler.- Right.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31'It was getting late, so in order to increase our chances of
0:26:31 > 0:26:34'a sighting, we headed to a local car park.'
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Now, listen, just to be on the cautious side, is there any danger?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- These are wild, feral creatures. - Right.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41You've been to Windsor Safari Park?
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Yes.- This is very, very similar.- Mmm.- OK?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46But the difference is the creatures themselves
0:26:46 > 0:26:49are quite often in the cars. We'll be the ones outside.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52What is it we're doing here in this bush?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55We're seeing if we can actually catch
0:26:55 > 0:26:57a couple of Labradors in the act.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59There we go. Door's opening.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00Oh, goodness. Stay close to me,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Timmy toes, Timmy toes...
0:27:03 > 0:27:07'It was easy to see why Mark was hooked on these elusive creatures.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10'And, like a moth to a flame, I too was being lured in.'
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- Give them a signal. So, flash your torch...- Flash my torch.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17And watch. Let's see if we can attract their attention. That's...
0:27:17 > 0:27:19CAR DOOR CLOSES
0:27:19 > 0:27:20That's the sign. That's the sign.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- OK.- So let's move in. Follow me.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- Come on. Come on.- I should come now, should I? What, in there?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- Oh, my God.- Yes, in you come.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36'I couldn't believe that I was about to see a Croydon Blue up close.'
0:27:36 > 0:27:38That's it, Timmy. That's it.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Shh, shh, shh...
0:27:41 > 0:27:42That's a good boy.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44OK.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Timmy, I really was surprised at you there.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56That really was absolutely marvellous, and I hope you feel
0:27:56 > 0:28:00you really have had the full experience now.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01It was wonderful.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Come on.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Look, Ole, a bit of space there.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10MUSIC: Maggie's Farm by Bob Dylan
0:28:10 > 0:28:14- And there, look, space. Oh! - It is a whole area of space.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Space there.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Look at that, space there.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Space, look.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- Open up space here.- Like that.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23CHICKENS CLUCK
0:28:23 > 0:28:25# And I wake up in the morning... #
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Look at all this space here.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Look at the space!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31- Look!- Using the space!
0:28:32 > 0:28:33I can't breathe.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34He can't breathe.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37- I can't breathe.- He can't breathe?