0:00:04 > 0:00:06I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09People tell me I've got the toughest job in town,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12but I'm sure I'll find other things far more difficult.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15So I'm ditching my regular job and trying something completely different.
0:00:15 > 0:00:20This is my Work Experience, and this week, I'm a primary school teacher.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29In a few days, I'd have to do a whole miserable day's teaching on my own.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32My grandad was a teacher and he used to say, "Give a kid a crayon,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34"and he'll keep out of your way for a day.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37"Teach a kid to shoplift crayons, you can retire."
0:00:37 > 0:00:41So I turned up at Monnow Primary in Newport, South Wales with a simple game plan.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44'I met my new boss, head teacher Meryl Echeverry.'
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Where are all the kids?
0:00:46 > 0:00:49They're all in class, all 330 of them. Oh, my God.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I'd overslept and missed three years of training, but in my induction, assistant Alison Rogers
0:00:53 > 0:00:56'told me there was only one thing to remember.'
0:00:56 > 0:01:00It is requested that staff wear appropriate clothing.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Ta-da! Trousers are an accepted dress option. I should hope so!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07If I can't wear any trousers... I can't come in in my pants.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10No jeans, jean-style trousers, leggings or combats.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14These are jeans but they're my smartest jeans. Yeah, well, it's not appropriate for school.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I haven't got any trousers. You'll have to go out and buy some.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21'With a fake teacher's ID badge, it was a time for a look round.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23'Hopefully they wouldn't notice I was in underpants.'
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Would you like to come for a tour of our key stage 2, our junior department?
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Are you sure I'm OK to come in jeans? No, not really.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Will I upset the children? Well, they will comment.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36'In my school, teachers took classes in rooms, classrooms, I think they were.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41'Here, it looked like everyone just hung round, skiving in the corridors.'
0:01:41 > 0:01:44This is the writing zone. This is the multimedia zone,
0:01:44 > 0:01:46and this is where the children come to do research.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49This is our independent zone for our lower key stage 2,
0:01:49 > 0:01:54they're getting on with their work, no teacher in sight. Is that allowed? Yes, that's allowed.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56'I was as confused as a nun on a Geordie hen night.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58'Maybe the kids could help.'
0:01:58 > 0:02:01You've got the thunk tank over there.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03What's the thunk tank? You think things out.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05So you go over there and think?
0:02:05 > 0:02:11'I don't know why, but everyone was banging on about an imaginary world of characters called Planet Thunk.'
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Teamworker always works as a team.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Accuracy is quite accurate.
0:02:17 > 0:02:23All the animals are like horse, dog and cat all put together.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27What would that look like? What does an animal look like?
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Horse tail, a cat's face, chicken's legs. Chicken's legs.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36And where do they all live, guys? Planet Thunk. Planet Thunk.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38They all live on Planet Thunk.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Literally bonkers.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43'Like Peter Andre looking at a mug tree, my brain was in overload.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45'The more I saw, the less I understood.'
0:02:45 > 0:02:48That's our oracy zone. What does oracy mean?
0:02:48 > 0:02:52It means learning how to speak, and how to speak in Welsh. Is that a word, oracy? Yes.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Mrs Price, come and show Rhod the Welsh zone. Oracy's not a word.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59You're just making shit up!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01It's like some kind of educational Milton Keynes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05No, it's very rigorously planned for them to work independently.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Think ahead for these children - when they're your age,
0:03:07 > 0:03:10we've given them good grounding to move on into the future.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I've got no idea what anyone's talking about.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17'How was I going to teach here? Everyone was whacked up on Planet Thunk juice.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19'I felt like saddling up my horse-dog-cat and going home.'
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Mr Roberts is now going to tell you about Perseverance from our Planet Thunk.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27This is the time when you didn't want to persevere
0:03:27 > 0:03:29and you wanted to leave it. "I can't do it."
0:03:29 > 0:03:31(I don't want to do this.) What you think he did?
0:03:31 > 0:03:34ALL: Persevered. He persevered!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37He made it, he pushed himself. He was brilliant.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I can't help feeling this whole perseverance lecture is aimed at me.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Thank you, Mr Roberts. Well, what are we all going to do this week?
0:03:44 > 0:03:45We're going to...
0:03:45 > 0:03:48ALL: Persevere.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50MUSIC STARTS
0:03:57 > 0:04:00# We are the children of Monnow School... #
0:04:00 > 0:04:03'My primary didn't have a school rap. It was the '70s.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06'We did have one kid who wore his baseball cap to the side,
0:04:06 > 0:04:09'but only cos his hair was so greasy it kept slipping round.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11'I was like a fish-dog-pig out of water.'
0:04:11 > 0:04:13# Everyone! #
0:04:16 > 0:04:18'After assembly, we necked some Planet Thunk juice
0:04:18 > 0:04:20'and visited all the classes I'd be taking.'
0:04:20 > 0:04:22High-five. High-five.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25High-five. Oh, I say!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28'First stop, Miss Robson's literary class.'
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Right, bore da.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33ALL: Bore da, Mrs Echeverry.
0:04:33 > 0:04:38Bore da, Mr... ALL TRAIL OFF UNCERTAINLY
0:04:38 > 0:04:41"Bore da, Mr Gilbert." Will we try again?
0:04:41 > 0:04:46ALL: Bore da, Mr Gilbert.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Bore da.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Mr Gilbert will be watching all the tricks that you do to learn all your letters.
0:04:51 > 0:04:57S-puh-ought. Show me four fingers.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00ALL: S-puh-ought.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04Sport. What cheer shall we have this time?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06ALL: The disco cheer! Oh, go on, then. Ready?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Un, dau, tri.
0:05:08 > 0:05:13ALL: # That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. #
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Can I just ask, what was that?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17ALL: Disco cheer.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Disco cheer. When would you use a disco cheer?
0:05:20 > 0:05:24When we've been excellent. When you've been excellent?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27And what other cheers have you got? We have silent cheers.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29What's a silent cheer?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33RHOD LAUGHS
0:05:33 > 0:05:36ALL: Or.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Two letters, one sound.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Let's tell the windows. Or.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Two letters, one sound.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Shall we tell Mr Gilbert? Or.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Two letters, one sound.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Can you tell the table that or not?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Two letters, one sound.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59RHOD LAUGHS
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I bet you couldn't tell that door.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Or. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Better tell that door.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Or. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11You better tell the seagulls.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Two letters, one sound.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17There's more than one seagull. Or. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20There's more than that. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24And the next one. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27And the next one. Or. Two letters, one sound.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31'We left Miss Robson, the window whisperer, teaching a chair how to spell bonkers.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35'I was anxious about all the pointless techniques I had to learn.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37'But at least the kids had faith in me.'
0:06:37 > 0:06:41What are you laughing at? I'm going to be a proper teacher.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44SHE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER I am! You ain't!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I am, I'm going to be a proper, serious teacher. No, you ain't!
0:06:47 > 0:06:51I am. You're going to forget. I'm not going to forget!
0:06:51 > 0:06:54It doesn't inspire you with confidence when you say to one of the kids,
0:06:54 > 0:06:56"I'm going to be a serious teacher on Friday,"
0:06:56 > 0:06:59and they just throw their head back and laugh in your face.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02'Like Tom Cruise in a foot spa, I was totally out of my depth.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07'I was starting to think if I had walked around in my pants, nobody would have batted an eyelid.'
0:07:07 > 0:07:10It's just so different to when I was a kid.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13It's a very different form of learning.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16That's very accurate from my first impressions,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19kids floating through space, cos that's what this place is like.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Still, I'm sure after a couple of days in Planet Thunk, I'll be fine.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27'Lunchtime. I begged Meryl for a quiet kid-free corner of Planet Thunk to relax,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31'but she stitched me up with playground duty.'
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Are you taking me on the train? Yes!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37It's a very busy train.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Absolutely knackering. Knackering.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43'After all that fuss about me wearing jeans,
0:07:43 > 0:07:47'if it was upsetting the kids, they clearly had enough respect for me not to mention it.'
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I am not naughty! ALL: Yes, you are!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57No, I'm not. Yes, you are! No, I'm not. Yes, you are!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Why are you wearing jeans? Am I not supposed to be wearing jeans?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I'm sorry.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You're not supposed to wear jeans.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I know I'm not supposed to wear jeans! You have to wear a tie. I know.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12'After lunch was maths, and Miss Robson, the window whisperer, invited me outside.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15'I thought maybe this was so the kids could shout at trees for a change,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17'but there was a far more logical explanation.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19'Forest School.'
0:08:19 > 0:08:24An infant class last year, we said a giant had got into the fairy kingdom,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27laminated fairies and strung them along.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32They had to get clues to help save the fairies, banish the giant,
0:08:32 > 0:08:35and give the fairies their kingdom back.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39So that was a literacy lesson. Was it? Sounds totally normal(!)
0:08:40 > 0:08:44I'm putting my wellies on for maths. In Forest School.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I'll be putting on a full spacesuit for a history lesson, I imagine.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Right, that's the mud mound, where they can have a little play
0:08:51 > 0:08:53as a treat after they've done their task.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57What's going on over here? We're measuring the age of a tree.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59First of all, you have to get a tape measure
0:08:59 > 0:09:02and measure the circumference of the tree. Right.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Then you cut off a piece of string the same length
0:09:04 > 0:09:08and put it on the floor and then you measure the diameter.
0:09:08 > 0:09:14And then what do you times the diameter by? You times it by 1.20.
0:09:14 > 0:09:181.2. And that's the age of the tree. Is it? Yes.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Get some string, yeah, and then you measure the diameter.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29So then you multiply it by 1.2? I've done it in my head. Aren't I clever?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33What did you get? 10.8.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36We got 37.2. I was close.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Do you think that would work if we measure your head
0:09:38 > 0:09:42and put a bit of string on the floor and try and work out how old you are? It might.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47Check the circumference of Katie's head. 52 centimetres.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52OK, let's cut a string. 16? 16 centimetres.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53It says I would be 19.
0:09:53 > 0:09:5919 years old? That's not right. Why doesn't it work for Katie if it works for that tree?
0:09:59 > 0:10:05Because she's a human. Because she's a human, that's right.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Katie is not a...? Tree. Tree. That's what the difference is.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11We've all learned Katie isn't a...? Tree.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13We've all learned something there.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Do you know how to tell the age of a human?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Erm.... No.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19You go like this.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Hello, Katie, how old are you? 10 and a half. There we go. Simple.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27'Onto reception class, 'and, embarrassingly until he formally introduced himself,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30'I mistook Mr Williams, the teacher, for one of the kids.'
0:10:30 > 0:10:33My name's Scott Williams. Your name's Scott Williams?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I'm very pleased to meet you, Scott Williams. My name is Rhod Gilbert.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40And my name is Ella Mae. Ella Mae. Ella Mae what? Hoskins.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Ella Mae Hoskins. Pleased to meet you. I'm Rhod Gilbert. Hello.
0:10:45 > 0:10:49That's an amazing castle. Do you want to tell me about it?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53It's a fairytale castle. It's a fairytale castle.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58Yes, and we cover it with newspaper and it dries out at night
0:10:58 > 0:11:02and it goes very hard, rock hard.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03Who lives in this castle?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Kings and queens. Sounds reasonable.
0:11:08 > 0:11:13Did you make it? Yeah, with my friend. Scott Williams.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Scott Williams, you helped, did you, Scott? Mmm-hmm.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Which bit did you make?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I made this side,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I did that side
0:11:23 > 0:11:26and then I did this side. Did you?
0:11:26 > 0:11:31Mmm-hmm. So you were working over this area mainly? Mmm-hmm. Hmm.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33You've done a very good job, hasn't he, Ella Mae?
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Yeah. How long did it take you to make? A bit long. A bit long.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41'Ella Mae's description of her castle fitted my first day.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43'A bit long, rock hard,
0:11:43 > 0:11:47'like a fairytale, with no connection to reality whatsoever.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49'Finally, story time with the window whisperer.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52'I wasn't sure if she was reading the kids a story or talking to the book.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56'Either way, the kids and the book were loving it.'
0:11:56 > 0:11:59..heard the sharp intake of breath.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02We're going to have to leave it there at the really exciting part. ALL: Aw!
0:12:02 > 0:12:04It's time to go now. 'Home time.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08'Unfortunately, I was about to get the worst news I've ever received in my life.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10'And I once got a letter from my GP telling me I was pregnant.'
0:12:10 > 0:12:14You're off now to your after-school club. Oh, no. Yeah.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Can't I go home, miss? No.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18After-school art club? Yeah.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Do you like it? ALL: Yeah.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Are you just saying that? No. Oh.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Oh, heck. Close your eyes.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31You have five seconds to think of what mini beast you are going to make.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35I need you to visualise it in your head.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Oh, it's gone in my nail!
0:12:38 > 0:12:42I think I've done a sort of Boris Johnson. Yeah, you have.
0:12:42 > 0:12:48It looks like Boris Johnson. It does remind me... Of Boris Johnson? Yeah.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Does it? Yeah, it does.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51That is amazing.
0:12:53 > 0:12:58'And then after after-school art club, I was after after after-school teacher training.'
0:12:58 > 0:12:59The kids have gone home ages ago.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If we had any sense, we'd have gone home
0:13:02 > 0:13:05and switched the lights out the moment the last one of them left.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Seems to me that teachers desperately try to spin out the working day
0:13:08 > 0:13:12as long as they can by doing utterly pointless things.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17Newspaper needs to be rolled extremely tightly to make a solid rod...
0:13:17 > 0:13:19A solid rod. SHE LAUGHS
0:13:19 > 0:13:22RHOD PRETENDS TO LAUGHS
0:13:22 > 0:13:26You all need to go home and have a holiday. Honestly.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30We're making a homing pigeon.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Is that what a pigeon's beak looks like? Almost identical.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37BALLOON POPS
0:13:39 > 0:13:43'This was the biggest waste of newspaper since the News Of The World.'
0:13:43 > 0:13:46It started off as a butterfly.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49This is my favourite. Thank you very much.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I've made a turtle. Turtle.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55He's a homing turtle.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Was that really worth staying behind for an hour to do that?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03Are you telling me papier-mache is going to be any better for us having practised like this and done this?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06The headmistress did that.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08The headmistress.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Thank you for today. I think you've had a good day.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14There's a bit of bedtime reading to check on the skills you'll be going through tomorrow.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Just make sure that you're in the correct attire tomorrow.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21Yes, yes, miss. Bye, miss. Night.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25After one day of what I've seen of teaching,
0:14:25 > 0:14:27it's absolutely exhausting.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31What I've observed - teaching methods are quite weird, or they've changed a lot since I was in school.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35"This is Mr Perseverance and he lives in Planet Thunk
0:14:35 > 0:14:37"and in the independent zone.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43"Oh, maths is in the forest. Go straight past the fairies and the mammoth
0:14:43 > 0:14:46"and maths is down there on your right. Rush along."
0:14:46 > 0:14:48I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52'I'd stayed up all night making some papier-mache trousers
0:14:52 > 0:14:54'and next day turned up looking like a contestant on
0:14:54 > 0:14:58I'm A Jehovah's Witness, Get Me Out Of Here, and at least one kid noticed.'
0:14:58 > 0:15:00CHILD LAUGHS
0:15:00 > 0:15:03ALL: Ooh!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08What do you think, guys? Does he look much better than he did yesterday?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09ALL: Yes.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13'The fun-sized fashion fascists thought I looked the part
0:15:13 > 0:15:16'and Meryl's enthusiasm was starting to win me round
0:15:16 > 0:15:19'but I still wasn't quite ready to teach.' CHILDREN SING
0:15:19 > 0:15:23This must be a moment of pride for you. Aw. Is it? Yeah.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Look at them, they're fab, aren't they?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Just a total absence of cynicism.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Just pure innocence.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40Total absence of self-consciousness or cynicism. Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42And it's all going to go wrong.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48You know what I mean.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51We've got a real problem with this positive attitude, haven't we?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53They'll all be sullied by life.
0:15:53 > 0:15:59'I was trying to be positive but then Meryl gave me the worst news I've ever had in my life. Again.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02'Today was a school trip and before I could do any proper teaching,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04'I had to go along.'
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Kelsey? Here!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Mika? Here.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Lexie? Joshua?
0:16:13 > 0:16:19Thomas V? TV? Hello! JB? Jake B? Hello.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Megan R? Emily P? Joe?
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Am I here? I can't remember where everyone is.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29'Rhondda Heritage Park coal mine museum, and I have 12 kids to look after.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32'The only time I've been left in charge of 12 anything
0:16:32 > 0:16:36'was when my mate left his golf clubs in my garage. Miss Robson was on hand.'
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Our Planet Thunk characters,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40today they're going to be like Creative Thinker.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Creative Thinker uses her senses to explore everything around her.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Clipboard. You all got pens? ALL: No.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Some of you are going to be making videos, aren't you?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53You all know how to use them? ALL: Yes. Good, cos I don't.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58You know how to work it, Daniel? Come on, Scorsese.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01'I was anxious. The closest I've come to taking screaming ten-year-olds down a mine shaft
0:17:01 > 0:17:04'is sharing a lift with One Direction.'
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Hey, you lot. Come back here. Have you got any facts so far?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Can I do it for you?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12That's not really how teaching works, I don't think.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Do you think I'm thick, or what? Don't answer that.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18It's a rhetorical question. Do you know what a rhetorical question is?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Yes. A question that is not answered.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22A question that is asked but not answered.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25'I was doing all right. I had arrived with 12 kids and I had seven left,
0:17:25 > 0:17:27'even if they had no respect for me whatsoever.'
0:17:27 > 0:17:31I keep getting you two mixed up. Which one is which? I'm Jake, he's Tom.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33You're Jake, he's Tom.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35You're lying! You're lying! Come back here.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Right, which one is which? I'm Jake, he's Tom.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41We were just kidding you earlier. We need to go to the museum.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44I don't think I'm commanding a hell of a lot of respect.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45They're winding me up, them two.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I think they've detected I'm not a real teacher.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51'As the day wore on, someone must have spiked my Ribena
0:17:51 > 0:17:53'because I started enjoying myself.'
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Look at them. There's my 12.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Proud as punch of them, I am, every one of them.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03This is better than being at school, isn't it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Yesterday, I got told to wear really smart stuff -
0:18:05 > 0:18:07white shirt, tie, suit trousers.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10And where are we? Down a mine. Brilliant(!)
0:18:10 > 0:18:14You all enjoy yourself down there? ALL: Yes.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Is that real? That's real. That's the real stuff.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19If they get coal this new white shirt, there's going to be trouble.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21You know it's going to get very dirty.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23You're going to have black all over your clothes.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28Why don't you just let miss...? Put it in miss' bag, look, and ask her to take it back for you.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I think I'm becoming a teacher. You are. Am I? You're a nice teacher.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I'm a nice teacher? Yeah, you are. Well, careful, cos I could turn.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39'For the kids, the day was done. Just as I was warming to teaching,
0:18:39 > 0:18:43'swotty Miss Robson dragged me back to school to prep for my big teaching day.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47'My plan had been to get the kids colouring in and shouting at furniture till half term.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51'Her plan was to prepare my lessons down to the last nanosecond.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55'And she went on about it long after after after school.'
0:18:55 > 0:18:59As they're forming their poem, you'll be doing it line by line,
0:18:59 > 0:19:00just constant praise.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Can I please go home? Please? It's half past five. Listen!
0:19:04 > 0:19:10I'm serious now, sometimes the caretaker has to chase us out at half past six.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14We just love educating these children. We can't get enough of it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18'In truth, the window whisperer was as passionate about teaching as I was about going home
0:19:18 > 0:19:22'and her enthusiasm almost killed us both.' Metaphors, onomatopoeia, similes.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Whoosh! Crash!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Whizz!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Just give them a few minutes to decide... Come here. Oh, God.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32It's all right.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35SHE LAUGHS
0:19:35 > 0:19:36Just cut there.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43Full-on nervous breakdown. Full breakdown.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46'It was clear that behind what had initially seemed like madness
0:19:46 > 0:19:49'was rigour, meticulous preparation and great professionalism,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51'but I'd had enough.'
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Look at that. The kids left just three hours ago.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57ALL LAUGH
0:19:59 > 0:20:01'My big teaching day arrived.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04'I was as nervous as a dog who's just mistaken Steven Seagal's leg for a tree
0:20:04 > 0:20:07'and I was feeling a whole load of pressure.'
0:20:07 > 0:20:09These kids, they're supposed to be learning
0:20:09 > 0:20:12as much as they would normally learn and yet they've got me in control.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16I had a full timetable - head-measuring in maths, seagull-shouting in literacy
0:20:16 > 0:20:19and other stuff in corridors, sorry, zones.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Good morning, you're going to be my class today. ALL: Yay!
0:20:23 > 0:20:27That was genuine enthusiasm. That wasn't even put on, was it? No.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30'First up, maths in the fairytale forest.'
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Got the compasses? Got the scales? Right.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35'Mr Williams took the infants and I took the rest.'
0:20:35 > 0:20:40You take that, Daniel, get on with it. Group three - Jake, Thomas and Lexie.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Thomas and Jake, Jake and Thomas, don't care which one of you is which.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Lexie, you sort them out, will you?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47To orientate the compass correctly, answer each maths question.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51So I just get amongst them now, do I? Do they know how to orientate it?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55I've got no idea. I'll go and find out.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Hey, listen to teacher.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00The thing with the compass is you've got to be accurate.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03That's one of your thingies, isn't it, on Planet Thunk? ALL: Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06How do you know Planet Thunk, sir? Cos I'm a teacher.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Amy, you point in the direction of west, exactly where west is on there.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13It's all right, this, I think I'm doing all right.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Three to five paces. 'Across the forest, Mr Williams had abandoned his maths class
0:21:20 > 0:21:23'and was sorting out marshmallows for his fellow teachers.'
0:21:24 > 0:21:28OK, so find a stone that weighs approximately 250 grams.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30So you need the scales, don't you?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32250, isn't it?
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Yours is 200? Here you go. Oh, thank you very much.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Thank you very much, Scott Williams. That's very kind of you. No problem.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46'Next it was off to Mr Williams' art class.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49'It was good to see he mucked in with the kids.'
0:21:49 > 0:21:52What colour have you gone for? Orange. Orange.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53I've got lots of favourite colours.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56You've got lots of favourite colours? 100,000.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59You've got 100,000 favourite colours?
0:21:59 > 0:22:04You're like a human Dulux colour chart, aren't you? I like 100.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06You've only got 100 favourite colours?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You've narrowed it down, have you?
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Hey, what's going on here? What's that? It's a toilet roll holder.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17No, it ain't. What is it, then? A lighthouse! A lighthouse.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22Well, it's a very good lighthouse. I knew straight away. No, you didn't. Yes, I did.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Look behind you.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Ah, made you look.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28How are you, Ella Mae? How are you getting on?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32My boat was lost when it was still in the water.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37Your boat's gone in the water? Yeah, come and see. OK.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39What's happening?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42It's sinking. Your boat? Where is it? Under here.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45OK, get your boat out, then. Let's have a look at it.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Hold it out. That's your boat, is it? Yeah.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Can you think of any reason why that wouldn't float as well as a boat?
0:22:54 > 0:22:58Because it's made out of Play-Doh. Because it's made out of Play-Doh. Yeah.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Have you sealed all the holes?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Are they absolutely 100% water-resistant? Are they?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08OK. Now, then, let's see if this floats in the pond.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11ALL: Oh! High-five.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15You made it float in the pond, didn't you? Yeah.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20Now, then, from experience of using the boats we made,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23can we see any reason why this one might not float?
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Because it's made out of Play-Doh.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30Cos it's got a massive lump of Play-Doh at the bottom of it, hasn't it?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Oh!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Almost. Can you think of how you'd make that float? Look, sir.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43Look, sir! Made you look! Oh, you did make me look.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I'm really enjoying my day so far.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51It's relentless but I think I've got some of the skills you need to be a teacher.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Say you needed 14,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I think I've got, say, three or four of them.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00How long do you do it for? Stop!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03'Next was literacy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06'In a school where one of the teachers was a four-year-old,
0:24:06 > 0:24:10'it was no surprise there was confusion over who was teaching whom.'
0:24:10 > 0:24:12S-puh-ooh...
0:24:12 > 0:24:16No, that's not buh, that's puh. Yeah, puh, that's what I said.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19You said buh. I said puh! ALL: You said buh!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I said puh! I'm not saying buh.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Yes, you are! That's buh. Buh.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27S-puh...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29ALL GIGGLE
0:24:29 > 0:24:32..oooh-nn. Is it nn?
0:24:32 > 0:24:37Obviously I've got some kind of speech impediment that I've only just realised after 43 years.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42That's what it looks like. Ooh.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Let's tell the carpet. ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Let's tell the seagulls.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Tell the cupboard. Two letters...
0:24:52 > 0:24:55This is easy. This bit's so easy. Let's tell the tree.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Let's tell Rihanna.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Vladimir Putin.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:25:08 > 0:25:101980s funnyman Russ Abbot.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12ALL: Two letters, one sound!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14That's right. Disco cheer.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18ALL: # That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh. #
0:25:18 > 0:25:21RHOD LAUGHS
0:25:21 > 0:25:25'With every class, I was feeling more and more at home on Planet Thunk.'
0:25:25 > 0:25:27We'll create a piece of music using onomatopoeia.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31'I could see how the teaching methods I'd rubbished really worked.'
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Just keep going like a drum kit.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Crash!
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Crash! Crash!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40We're going to write a poem that personifies a coal mine.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43What is a verb for pickaxes? Chipping. Chipping?
0:25:43 > 0:25:47What word are we looking for with the simile? Amy's eyes are like golf balls.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51That's a simile. Amy's eyes... It's not the most flattering simile.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Alliteration. Mrs Echeverry eats elephants.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Fair enough.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02It's a bit chaotic, but I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm learning. I'm learning.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I think you've got the hang of this. We've run a bit behind cos I'm a little bit rubbish.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10'I was absolutely loving seeing these kids learn in such a fun and dynamic way.'
0:26:10 > 0:26:12And press-ups. Press-ups!
0:26:18 > 0:26:19And marching!
0:26:19 > 0:26:24'I felt like part of the furniture, and the kids shouted at me accordingly.'
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Sir! Mr Gilbert!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Good work. And again. Keep challenging. Go on, Zach.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35ALL CHEER
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Oooft!
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Oh, no, sir's hurt himself really badly and he's going to have to go early, I'm afraid.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Aw. I know.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46What about 23 Things They Don't Tell You About Capitalism?
0:26:46 > 0:26:47ALL: No.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Change Your Live In Seven Days by Paul McKenna? ALL: No.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Everyone quiet, facing the front. Is it time for the school song? Yes.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59MUSIC PLAYS
0:27:02 > 0:27:05ALL: # We are the children of Monnow School
0:27:05 > 0:27:10# We take a pride in the things we do... # Learning together.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# Learning together and having fun... #
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Having fun. Yeah, I know the school song!
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# For a good day, everyone! #
0:27:24 > 0:27:28OK, you've come to the end now of your time at Monnow Primary School. Cool. See you.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30ALL LAUGH
0:27:30 > 0:27:35Not yet. Yeah, come back. Your lessons were...um...interesting.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37It was chaos a lot of the time. But it was good chaos.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Chaos is not always bad.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41And the children responded to you
0:27:41 > 0:27:45when you tried draw the chaos into some sort of order.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I can't think of anything I've enjoyed more.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50I'm going to go out there and tell everyone, "Go and be a teacher."
0:27:50 > 0:27:53It's just an incredible role. It's not a job. It's not a job, is it?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55No. It's a privilege.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57What do you think about your dress code?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Can you see how important that is? I can... I can... No.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01ALL LAUGH
0:28:01 > 0:28:05Casual clothes mean... ALL: Casual attitude.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Well, good luck with your future endeavours and thank you for...
0:28:10 > 0:28:11Come on!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Thank you so much. It's been absolutely beyond lovely.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20It's been moving, inspirational, beautiful.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23I feel like I'm being torn away from somewhere that I don't want to leave.
0:28:23 > 0:28:28I'm ready to go right now but I really want to come back on Monday.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31It freaked me out completely when I first arrived. Bit spacey.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32Planet Thunk.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36But once you see the kids engaging with it and adopting that
0:28:36 > 0:28:40and you see how they're learning, it all makes sense.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42This school is one hell of a place.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Amazing teachers, amazing kids, and the rapport between them
0:28:45 > 0:28:48is the thing that's most mind blowing.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51I don't think I'll ever really make a teacher.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53I don't think I'll ever have the discipline to do it.
0:28:53 > 0:28:57But that's a shame cos I would really, really love to do it.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00It's an incredible job.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd