0:00:02 > 0:00:06I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian. People tell me I've got the toughest job, but I'm sure I'd find
0:00:06 > 0:00:10other things far more difficult, so I'm ditching my job and trying something completely different.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12This is my work experience.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18And this week, I'm a male model.
0:00:19 > 0:00:24I had no idea how to get into this glitzy world. The closest I've come to modelling anything is
0:00:24 > 0:00:27trying on my girlfriend's underwear while she was at the dentist.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30So I catwalked over to London to meet top fashion designer Julien Macdonald.
0:00:30 > 0:00:35If there was a male Kate Moss strutting around inside me, Julien would find him.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- Hello, nice to meet you. - I know nothing about this world...
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- Well...- And apparently, you do.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I know a lot about the world and the world you would like to
0:00:44 > 0:00:50enter into is very, very difficult, very cut-throat, very competitive.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54Most of the successful models in the world, the biggest models,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57probably start when they're about 15, 16.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Right, I'm sort of 25 to 30 years late.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- You're a bit late.- That just makes it more of a challenge.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07At least you've got hair. Some guys at 45 haven't even got hair.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11All you can say about me is, "at least you've got hair".
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I'm going to show you a picture that was me at that age
0:01:14 > 0:01:17and you will probably have some idea of why I didn't go into modelling.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Are you ready? - Facial hair is quite fashionable now!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Look at that moustache!
0:01:23 > 0:01:29You're 6ft, skinny. You know what? You could have made it there.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- Oh, a flat top at some point in the '80s.- I'm quite impressed.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36You've actually got a jaw line, you know, a chiselled jaw.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40I'm amazed at how positive your reaction is to this.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- I thought you were going to be instantly sick on the spot. - When you were younger, I think
0:01:43 > 0:01:47you actually could have been a male model.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50You actually look quite Scandinavian, you look interesting.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54I do not want to challenge your authority in this area,
0:01:54 > 0:01:58but people viewing at home are not going to think he could have been a contender.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I'm not going to be looking at that screen now, going,
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- "I think Julien is right."- Some men age better. Look at George Clooney.
0:02:05 > 0:02:11Some guys, as they get older, they become more mature, more handsome, more desirable.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I don't think that's happened in your case, but...
0:02:14 > 0:02:17RHOD LAUGHS
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Really?- To be honest!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21'Julien had shrunk my ego to a size zero.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24'I may have had a chiselled jaw in 1984,
0:02:24 > 0:02:27'but it looked like someone had had a go at it with a lump hammer since.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31'My looks hadn't just gone downhill, they were wedged in a fence at the bottom.
0:02:31 > 0:02:36- 'But ignoring the fact I was wearing clothes, Julien had a radical idea.' - We've talked about the way you look,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38but how do you actually look in clothes?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- He's got it on.- It's too small! - That's model size.
0:02:44 > 0:02:49Most male models are that size. One of the things, you've got to fit into actual model clothes.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51If you don't fit in the clothes, you can't be a model.
0:02:51 > 0:02:56Let's see how you would walk on the catwalk. Give us your best catwalk.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59You must forget everything around you and you own the space,
0:02:59 > 0:03:01you own the clothes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04And it's your...time to shine.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Own the space.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Don't do that!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Is it that?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Is it that or is that...? - You've got to sell that red jacket.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- It's your job.- My job is to sell this red jacket.- Sell the red jacket.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Go on. Hit the runway.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Who's for the red jacket? Anyone want a red jacket?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Red jackets, five pound.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33See? You've got to take it serious, without laughing!
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- I can't. - You always laugh on the way back.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42The thing is, that was about as interesting as a dull mat.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- You've got to be intriguing. - How am I supposed to be intriguing?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49The thing is, you've got to be entertaining to people.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52'I looked about as intriguing as Kris Akabusi in a cycling helmet
0:03:52 > 0:03:55'and I just couldn't get the hang of it. I was trying my best,
0:03:55 > 0:04:01'but even Julien's travel Doberman knew I was bad. I was dreading Julien's final assessment.'
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Bottom line, do you want me as a male model?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- Can you do anything with me? - I don't think so.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I don't think so!
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- Thank you for your honesty.- I don't think so! But perhaps somebody might.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- You might be somebody's cup of tea. - All right, I can take it.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20You could be somebody's.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24There's not even 'I WILL be somebody's' - I MIGHT be!
0:04:24 > 0:04:29You never know. As a model, you spend most of your time being rejected.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34- This is my first rejection.- Well, I'm sure you'll have a lot more.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37'My first taste of the industry, a brutal rejection.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42'But while Julien was 99.9% sure he didn't want me, he gave my career a last-minute reprieve.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46'He agreed to put me through my paces in one of his charity shows.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50'If I could pull this off, then who knows, Paris and Milan might beckon.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53'All I had to do was show some potential in Julien's hometown,
0:04:53 > 0:04:57'the fashion epicentre of Merthyr Tydfil.'
0:04:57 > 0:05:00When I went to see him in London, in his swanky offices,
0:05:00 > 0:05:02he told me that even if I was 20 years younger, even if
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I got a dietician, a nutritionist, even if I lost weight,
0:05:05 > 0:05:10started going to the gym, working out, even then, I'd have no chance of being a male model.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12This is my chance to prove him wrong.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16If I can't do it in Merthyr Tydfil Leisure Centre, then I give up.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21'The hall would soon be rammed with 1,000 of Merthyr Tydfil's top fashion movers and shakers.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25'I felt as out of place as Timmy Mallett in a documentary about Malcolm X.'
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- How do you feel? - It's right up my street, this.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- My kind of music, my sort of scene. - SHE LAUGHS
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Yup. Bang up for this!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39'As rehearsals started, I was feeling increasingly self-conscious.'
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Look to the front again, hold for two, and back off.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Are you all right with that?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Go on, the more I do it, the easier I will find it.- It's...
0:05:49 > 0:05:54# Man, I feel like a woman. # I think it was apt for what you've got on. Is that all right with you?
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- Have you got 'Man, I Feel Like A Complete Dick'? - No, I haven't got that one.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01'The boys from the Merthyr rugby team were loving it, but I was dying inside.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06- 'I'd already Tommy Hilfigered it out that this wasn't for me.' - Move your leg. Keep going.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08# Bad boys! #
0:06:08 > 0:06:11And walk. This time, clicking fingers.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Hate it.- # Bad boys! Bad boys! #
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Bad boys.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Bad boys.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22'To make things worse, Julien was watching my lack of progress.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27'A good model is supposed to be a clotheshorse. I felt like one that had been turned into pet food.'
0:06:27 > 0:06:31- What are you expecting from me? - From you?- Yeah.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Everything that we taught you. Strong, confident, a modern man.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38'As the lights went down, the cream of Merthyr Tydfil's fashion scene looked on.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42'But I was feeling about as modern and confident as Ethelred the Unready.
0:06:42 > 0:06:47'The thought of going out there made me as happy as Naomi Campbell's face.'
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- There he is!- There's the main man! - There he is, the dick himself.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Apparently, we're on in about two or three minutes.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59There's no time to complain, there's no time to...question it.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I guess that is the life of a male model.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Stick these Speedos on, get out there.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well done! Break a leg!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Go, guys! Go!
0:07:13 > 0:07:17'My performance wasn't just ham-fisted, it was a head-to-toe ham onesie.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20'Problem one, quick changes.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23'Problem two, choreography.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27'Problem three, the wrong clothes.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29'Problem four, no clothes.'
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Julien's not got a suit for me.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36What I have got is a pair of boxer shorts and a dickie bow.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41- We'll find some way out of it, I'm sure.- I like that. Sounds creative, sounds positive.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Yeah.- Is it just total bollocks? - Yeah.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Just as I thought.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50There's a guy over there in a suit. My life pretty much depends on me having that off him.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53'Problem five, dealing with criticism.'
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- You look like a bag of shite!- I look like a bag of shite, I know I do.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59'Problem six, backstage divas.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:08- Good crowd out there?- Yeah, good crowd. Gave me a real lift.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10'I was really annoyed with myself.
0:08:10 > 0:08:15'How was I going to do London Fashion Week if I couldn't even nail Merthyr Fashion Hour?'
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Totally shit. That's how I would describe myself as a male model.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Total and utter shit.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26'I knew this was the end of the runway for me with Julien.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30'I'd never model for a superstar designer like him, but he'd told me to expect rejections,
0:08:30 > 0:08:34'so I dusted myself off and lowered my sights a bit.'
0:08:34 > 0:08:39There's plenty more fish in the sea and I'm going to tout myself around some modelling agencies.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43I've put a little portfolio together with some shots I've had done over the years.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45We'll see what happens.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52I've come down to Hertfordshire to meet BMA Modelling Agency.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55One of the top modelling agencies in the country.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58And I'm going to get a second opinion.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00That's what I'm going to do.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- Catwalk is out for you. You can't even go there.- Absolutely not?
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- Absolutely not.- Unthinkable? Unimaginable?- Yeah. Unthinkable.
0:09:10 > 0:09:15And you would be 100% sure that every model agency in the world
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- would tell me the same thing? - In the world, yes.- In the world!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21That sounds quite definitive!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24'Agents Lyn and Jo were clear. I'd make the worst model
0:09:24 > 0:09:27'since Morph was caught snorting Blu-Tack in Tony Hart's lunchbox.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31'More rejection and this time I had nowhere else to turn.'
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- I'm looking for anything. That's too desperate!- Well, he's cute.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- He's very cute! - The cow?- We'd sign him up!
0:09:37 > 0:09:42- The cow is cute, yeah.- Right, lots of character. Very nice.- Yeah.
0:09:42 > 0:09:48- Lots of character in these?- Lots of character. Very characterful face.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50You're basically too real.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54- What does that mean?- You're real. You're like everyone out there.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I can see you doing a commercial with something like spaghetti hoops,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00that kind of fun...active.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04I started out, I went to see Julien Macdonald.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08And I've ended up as a possible spaghetti hoops commercial!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Have you any idea how crushing that is?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14It does seem as though this is a big moment.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17The door to my international male modelling catwalk career
0:10:17 > 0:10:21has been firmly slammed in my face.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25But there is hope because apparently I have a characterful face
0:10:25 > 0:10:29and people are on the lookout for guys who just look like regular,
0:10:29 > 0:10:33boring, dragged-in-off-the-street, utterly unremarkable people like me.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37'I just needed to lower my sights a bit. Again. My real person's face
0:10:37 > 0:10:40'would never grace the cover of Vogue, but it might work on a tin of spaghetti hoops.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44'I was determined to prove Julien wrong and set off in search
0:10:44 > 0:10:47'of someone who'd appreciate my tinned pasta face.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53'I found a character modelling agency that could help, although its name didn't lift my spirits.'
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Coming to a place called Ugly to get work, it doesn't feel weird?
0:10:57 > 0:11:01No, I'm 6ft 6, without heels. And today, I'm about 6ft 10.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05So the average agency doesn't specialise in the different look,
0:11:05 > 0:11:09it's more your generic look. These guys, they do everything.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Tall, short, fat, thin. - Let's have a look.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13All right.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I feel such a wimp!
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Ugly's just a name. It doesn't define the company.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26It's just the name and everyone's unique and everyone's an individual.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- Do you think I'll get any work?- No.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32You're very...generic.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Generic, boring, bland.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39'Julien hadn't been joking about this hard-nosed industry. Too characterful for the catwalk,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42'now I might be too bland for character modelling.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45'As I went in for my audition, I was feeling pretty pessimistic.'
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Yeah, give me a bit of a fake laugh.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52If you can kind of pop your eyes open a bit wider than what you're doing.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- Big eyes and smiling? - Yeah, big eyes and big laughter.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00That's it. That's good.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04'I was determined to do whatever it took to get on Mark and Coxy's books.'
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Yes! Come on! Yes! Yes! Woo!
0:12:07 > 0:12:12If you can give us an angry alphabet, so then we've got your mouth moving all different shapes.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16What possible scenario will I have to do an angry alphabet?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
0:12:19 > 0:12:22H, I, J, PISSING P!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24P? Doesn't come after J!
0:12:24 > 0:12:28'They'd Hugo Bossed me around and I waited patiently for another rejection.'
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I think you've got a really good, character face.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33The more weathered you are, I mean, if anything,
0:12:33 > 0:12:38- I'd like you a bit more battered really. - RHOD LAUGHS
0:12:38 > 0:12:41A few more late nights and a little bit more...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Believe me, I can't do it any later or drink any more or look
0:12:44 > 0:12:47after myself any less than I do now.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51We've got plenty of beautiful sort of 6ft models, they're boring to us.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56- Someone with character in their face.- I've got webbed...
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- Aquaman, that's good.- Aquaman, yeah. I've got webbed fingers.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03That's what it's all about, being something unique and different.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06It sets you against the rest of them, the rest of the norm.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11'Maybe I wasn't too bland after all. A lived-in face could be an asset and let's face it, mine
0:13:11 > 0:13:16'looked like it had been squatted. My weathered looks and all-weather hands were now the way forward.'
0:13:16 > 0:13:20That's it. I've given them my photos, I am on their books.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Webbed fingers crossed. Let's see what they come up with.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27'As one Christian Dior had closed, another one had opened.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30'I'd taken the beatings but refused to stay down and my tenacity had paid off.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34'The catwalk wanted beauties like Elle 'The Body' Macpherson, but
0:13:34 > 0:13:38'maybe there was other work for Rhod 'The Battered Spaghetti Face' Gilbert.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43'But weeks later, without so much as a Stella McCartney
0:13:43 > 0:13:47'from my agents, it was all feeling hopeless again.'
0:13:47 > 0:13:53The first sort of week, ten days, I was really optimistic.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57I was positive that something was going to come of it,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59but that hope has now faded.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02'The modelling world was as tough as it was glamorous. I needed to be Ross Kemp
0:14:02 > 0:14:06'and Kate Moss all rolled into one. I considered changing my name to Ross Moss.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08'I called my agents again instead.'
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Just wondering if there's any news.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Um, we've been putting you out there. We've been sending your pictures around
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and putting you forward as one of our new faces.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Lukewarm reception, some positive feedback from some, some not so positive from others.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- I do appreciate you checking in. That's what a good model should do. - Yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31But obviously, don't check in too much or else you'll start to piss us off a bit.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Didn't sound great, did it?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Lukewarm responses.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41This is what being a male model is all about -
0:14:41 > 0:14:44not being a male model. That's what it's all about.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Being a male model is all about not being a male model.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51'The modelling world's focus on appearance was unsettling.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54'Now, even character work was out. I was desperate.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58'Ideas ricocheted round my mind like a sequined rat in a microwave, but then one went ping.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02'Days later, I found myself outside a community centre in East London.'
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I've had no luck so far with my modelling career
0:15:06 > 0:15:08so I thought I'd come along here,
0:15:08 > 0:15:11where I know they're looking for models.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14'I'd had more doors slammed in my face than a second-hand meat salesman.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18'I had to prove Julien wrong. These were desperate times and for someone as shy as me,
0:15:18 > 0:15:23'these were desperate measures, but at least, here, they wouldn't judge me on my looks.
0:15:24 > 0:15:31'As I contemplated what I was about to do, I retreated further and further into my own insecurity.'
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I don't think I've ever been this nervous in my life.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40'The group took a break and Lydia tried to get my heart rate back within EU guidelines.'
0:15:40 > 0:15:43You don't have to be nervous, you have just to be proud
0:15:43 > 0:15:47because you will be part of a piece of art because every people here,
0:15:47 > 0:15:51they are just producing a piece of art with their own mark.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Possibly, you will not have the same experience again in your life.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58I wasn't intending to have this experience ever in my life.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02These people, they make me feel beautiful. They make me feel important.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06When I see their drawings, their paintings, it's just...wow!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08'I listened to Lydia's passionate, artistic
0:16:08 > 0:16:11'and personal experience of life modelling, then ran like shit.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16'But she cut me off on the stairs, determined to help me fulfil my modelling ambitions.'
0:16:16 > 0:16:21- I don't think I can do it. - I think that you can and I think that you will enjoy also.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I'm definitely not going to enjoy it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- Why? Why do you think that you can't? - I can't! I'm too embarrassed.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- A lot of men, they have a problem when they model the first time about erection.- Yes!
0:16:32 > 0:16:36I'm worried for an erection! I'm worried for a not erection!
0:16:36 > 0:16:38If I have an erection as well,
0:16:38 > 0:16:42then that takes me into a different plane of worry.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45You're part of the community, doing something artistic.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I think it is something beautiful.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Part of the community, I will do neighbourhood watch,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53all sorts of community work I can do,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55without getting my dick out.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Again, but why are you so busy thinking about your dick?
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Why do you think I'm so busy thinking about my dick? We think about it every seven seconds.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06And that's when you haven't got it out in front of a hundred people.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08How many things do you do during your day
0:17:08 > 0:17:10and you don't think about your dick?
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Yeah, but almost all of them I do with pants on.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17So we're going to start with some quicker poses.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20The first pose is going to be for five minutes.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Got nothing to say.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26There is nothing in this life that I can think of that is less
0:17:26 > 0:17:28appealing right now.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34'But I hadn't come this far for nothing.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37'I thought of all the rejection, the verbal batterings I'd taken.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40'This might be my last chance to say I'd worked as a model.'
0:17:44 > 0:17:49Look first at the motif, the person or the object you're drawing.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54And then to other elements in the space.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57All those details, they make up the space.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03'I'd failed. At the last second, I'd bottled out of going naked.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04'It was a hashtag epic schlong fail.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07'But Lydia wasn't going to let me get away so easily.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10'Determined to help me benefit from an enriching experience,
0:18:10 > 0:18:16'she wrapped herself around me like a sex burrito. We were entwined like an erotically charged Curly Wurly.
0:18:16 > 0:18:22'Ten minutes later, I'd silently recited every bus timetable in mainland Europe.'
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Thank you very much, guys. OK, a round of applause, please, for our models.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28THEY APPLAUD
0:18:31 > 0:18:34'I had enormous respect for the models, but it wasn't for me.
0:18:34 > 0:18:39'We saw life through very different filters. Theirs was artistic, experiential and profound,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41'and I'm just a repressed clown.'
0:18:41 > 0:18:45That was physically harder than it looked.
0:18:45 > 0:18:51I felt very intense and vulnerable, but ultimately I failed.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Because I was trying to be a life model...and who is going to
0:18:55 > 0:18:59pay a life model if you don't get to see his wang?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04'I admitted defeat. Julien had been right. I was no-one's cup of tea.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08'I'd given it a damn good shot, dusted myself off more times
0:19:08 > 0:19:12'than Miss Havisham's health visitor, but it just wasn't to be.'
0:19:12 > 0:19:14PHONE RINGS
0:19:14 > 0:19:19- Hello.- Hello, Rhod. It's Coxy. - Hiya, mate. How are you doing?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- I've got some good news, actually.- Yeah?
0:19:21 > 0:19:25We've been sending out your pictures to some of our clients
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- and today we had a call-back for one of them.- Yeah.
0:19:28 > 0:19:33Seems we have a bite. They like the look of your hands.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35RHOD LAUGHS I know!
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Have they seen the dicky one?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Yes, absolutely.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44We've shown them the hands and, for some reason,
0:19:44 > 0:19:47that's what they want for this specific shoot.
0:19:47 > 0:19:53- I'll be in touch with your details. - Cheers, pal. Thanks, Coxy. Ta-ra!
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Woo-hoo!
0:19:59 > 0:20:01These little beauties!
0:20:01 > 0:20:08My little webbed hands have got me... I feel a bit tearful.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Genuinely feel a little tear coming.
0:20:11 > 0:20:16I can't even wipe them away. I don't want to over-moisturise.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19'I had to lower my sights again. As a complete package,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22'I'd got nowhere, but my four-clawed sea mitten had landed a job.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26'I went to meet someone who knew all there was to know about hand modelling.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29'Nina's hands were the face of some of our most familiar faces's hands.
0:20:29 > 0:20:33'From pens to, I don't know, maybe an egg. You name it, she'd held it.'
0:20:33 > 0:20:38And these are the hands! I was very aware of shaking your hand.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- I shook it quite firmly. - You're allowed!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Is that OK?- Yeah, course it is. - I don't want to break it.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Well, they are insured actually. - How much are they insured for?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49It's a seven-figure sum.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- A seven-figure sum! So millions.- Something like that.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Where would I know your hands from?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Billboards, sides of buses, magazines, TV adverts with Kate Moss.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- So are these Kate Moss's hands?- Yes.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05- Are they?- Well, no. They're my hands, obviously.- Yeah.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07But yeah, they stand in for Kate's.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I'm very aware that we're standing here with me holding your hands.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13I've only just met you! So we may be, sort of...
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I sort of work with the product, but the way it's edited
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- and cut makes it look like it's Kate picking up the product. - So, are you there like this?
0:21:20 > 0:21:25- When Kate Moss is there, do you go like this?- Sometimes. Yes. Something like that.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- Something like that.- That's awesome! - Yeah. So, there you go.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35I mean, it's one part of my job really and I've been able to
0:21:35 > 0:21:38make a whole career out of this for over ten years.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40'With my hand model job just a few days away,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44'Nina gave my all-weather Donald Duck love gloves a full examination.'
0:21:44 > 0:21:49- Do you know what? You've actually got a nice finger shape.- Have I?- Yes.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52With male hand modelling, thumbs are very important.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- Here they are, at the end. - I know you've got them.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Oh.- But it's the way they look that's quite important.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- There's more to it.- Yeah, there is a little bit more to it.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- How would you rate them out of ten? - Well, the nails are an issue. So you need time with that.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09'I was desperate to hold something, or at least just pick something up.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12'But Nina said I wasn't ready and deep down, I knew she was right.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14'My hands still looked like I lived in a tree.'
0:22:14 > 0:22:16My beauty regime starts and ends with me
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- washing my hands after I've been to the toilet.- Nice. OK.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- That's a good start, but I think we need to...- It's more basic hygiene.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27- Yeah.- What's your hand regime?
0:22:27 > 0:22:31At a basic, what I do for my regime is I moisturise about 40 times a day.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- 40 times a day, you moisturise your hands?- Yeah. Did you say you wanted to be a hand model?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Cos you know you're going to have to start doing that.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43'I made a mental note to pick up some...moisture on the way home. My hands were finally ready.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45'Nina would teach me everything, from basic grabbing
0:22:45 > 0:22:48'to the techniques of the French master holders.'
0:22:48 > 0:22:52- Try one where you're just resting it. - Pepper nestling in the cradle.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Yeah, let's try one of those.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57We don't want to see the inside of the hand.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Just cradling it and just giving people a bit of stalk.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02I feel like I'm selling it.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Good! Do you know what? That's what it's got to feel like.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Am I supposed to be on the phone, or am I just holding the phone?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- You're a hand model!- OK. - Don't forget!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- I feel like that top finger's working it quite subtly.- OK.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Kink in the thumb, check that out.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19And then this index finger might just rest on the corner there.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22And the thumb here, that can vary. See the thumb?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- Now, you can either have it straight...- Or bent a bit.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Ever so slightly.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30'Nina and I had worked intensively on my holding, but I could hardly
0:23:30 > 0:23:33'believe my ears when she said I was ready to do an action shot.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37'This was where the thumbs Nina had found on the end of my hands would come in.'
0:23:37 > 0:23:39So, the thumb is the hero now.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43Remember these fingers around here as well. Don't forget about these ones cos you've lost that now.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46I think it's going really well. I think I've learned a lot
0:23:46 > 0:23:50and the before and after photographs speak for themselves.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54It's hard. There's a lot more to it than you realise, but I'm really getting quite into it.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58'Like a two-inch tall De Niro, my one-take wonder thumb had nailed it.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02'As a final treat, Nina let my hands pose with hers. I was on cloud nine.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07'How many people can say their hands have worked with hands that people think are Kate Moss's hands?'
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- My hand's nervous. - Just hold the rose.- OK.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14There's a lot more to this than you would ever imagine.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Are our hands working as a team? - They're working very well as a team.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23- Very good. - I'm giving you plenty of hand, but I'm not detracting from the rose.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Just thinking, this is the maddest, weirdest thing I've ever done in my life.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31It is, but it's a job. It is. It's a career.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Well, good job.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Oh, I don't want to...just in case. What if I break them?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- That's a million-quid claim.- Do it softly. There you go.- There we go.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I don't want to ruin your no claims bonus.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46'After Nina's hand boot camp, I'm feeling pretty good.'
0:24:46 > 0:24:49I'm going to take these babies home and pamper them
0:24:49 > 0:24:52and give it my best shot. I'm now feeling pretty confident.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57'That night, I started to get in shape.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01'I had one gig in my diary, but this was a competitive world and Julien's words still haunted me.
0:25:01 > 0:25:06'I was up against guys who were 25 years younger than me, 25 years fitter, stronger.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09'I had a few hours to turn back the clock.'
0:25:10 > 0:25:15# Every little bit of my heart is true
0:25:15 > 0:25:18# This is where I belong
0:25:18 > 0:25:22# Every little bit of my heart's for you
0:25:22 > 0:25:26# So long
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# Every little bit
0:25:28 > 0:25:31# Every little bit of my heart. #
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Come on! One and two, and one and two! Come on! You can do it!
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Feel the burn, come on, you horrible little amphibious shit! Come on!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Feel the burn! Work it! One and two! And one and two!
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Julien Macdonald told me I would never get work as a male model,
0:25:47 > 0:25:51but I've proved him wrong. Today, my hands are my golden ticket.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54They've landed me my first big hand job.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57It's time to put everything Nina taught me into practice.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00My hands are pumped, they're psyched up, I've cleansed, toned,
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I've moisturised 97 times in the last 20 minutes. My hands are so up for this,
0:26:04 > 0:26:09they haven't slept a wink. They've been excited all night. It's time...to nail this!
0:26:09 > 0:26:11'This was it. I was going to be a model.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15'I'd prepared and done everything I could to make sure this hand job had a happy ending.
0:26:15 > 0:26:20'But when I met photographer Hazel and head of PR Julia, they dropped an almighty hand grenade.'
0:26:20 > 0:26:23We have a great range of products we would like you to model for us
0:26:23 > 0:26:27with your hands. Secateurs, a watering can, some seeds.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Most of all, we would like you to do it all wearing our gloves,
0:26:30 > 0:26:34our new range of gloves that we've brought in for this season.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- Got a range of colours, pink or blue. - Gloves?- Gloves.- Yeah.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42'Gloves. The hand model's Kryptonite.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45'I felt like I'd been stabbed in the back...with the secateurs.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49'This was the cruellest rejection of them all.'
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I am disappointed.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55I'm trying to think positively about it, but it's hard.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Cos I've been quite psyched about getting this job
0:26:58 > 0:27:02and it was two fingers to Julien. He said I could never do it and I had.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06And then now...this is a job, this is a profession
0:27:06 > 0:27:09and I've got to somehow...my hands have got to sparkle through this.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12And not show the disappointment that they're feeling.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Lovely!
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Anyone behind me, watching this... What the...?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Just gently sprinkle.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32I always have very dark thoughts whenever anybody puts something like this in my mind.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I just imagined cutting my own nipples off.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37I think we'll just focus on the rose bush today, if that's OK.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- I probably won't do it, almost certainly. But it does go through my mind.- OK.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- Yes.- That's it.- Yes! - Just relax your fingers.- Yes.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49I won't tell you... In my mind's eye, I've already cut it off.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54'My hands had put on a brave face and my clients seemed happy.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59'When I got home, I'd ensure my flippers and, if the harsh world of modelling ever got too much,
0:27:59 > 0:28:02'at least I'd have free breakdown cover.'
0:28:02 > 0:28:06And I did it. I made it. I got a job. All right, it might not be Paris or Milan.
0:28:06 > 0:28:11It's a garden centre near Cardiff. And OK, I might have had to wear gloves throughout the whole
0:28:11 > 0:28:13shoot, but these were my hands.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16I've taken the rejection, I've got back up again.
0:28:16 > 0:28:22I never made it as a catwalk model, I didn't make it as a life model, but I took the rejection
0:28:22 > 0:28:28and I got back up and I didn't give in and I got work. I'm a male and I've modelled.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Those are my hands that are going to be used in that campaign.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35And that, I think, is a success.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I'm happy with it, anyway.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# This is where I belong
0:28:41 > 0:28:45# Every little bit of my heart's for you
0:28:45 > 0:28:47# So long... #
0:28:48 > 0:28:51If you could just take the tits for me.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54- Shall I take the pair? - Yeah, the pair. Lovely.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58- Just perch yourself on the side of the table.- By the balls?
0:28:58 > 0:29:02- That's it, lovely. - I've got a head in my arse.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd