0:00:02 > 0:00:05I'm comedian Rhod Gilbert and this is my Work Experience.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08And this week, I'm a florist.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12I knew self-raising and plain,
0:00:12 > 0:00:15but knowing two kinds of flour doesn't make you Alan Titchmarsh,
0:00:15 > 0:00:18so I tiptoed through the tulips to a florist in Porthcawl,
0:00:18 > 0:00:20where Alison Hoskins's family have been peddling pansies
0:00:20 > 0:00:23and dealing dahlias for generations.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Their fingers were as green as Shrek's kecks.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Done any floristry experience before?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Oh, floristry work? Yeah, I've done loads.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Loads of floristry work, me.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Please don't tell me no.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38I know what flowers are. I've got nothing against them. Er...
0:00:38 > 0:00:40They look very nice.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- That's it.- So would you know what a polyanthus was?
0:00:43 > 0:00:44- No.- Viola?
0:00:44 > 0:00:45- No.- Camellia?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- No.- Fresia?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- That's a cow.- Do you know any of these flowers?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Don't know, don't know, don't know, leaf.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Don't know, don't know, rose.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Don't know, don't know, don't know, don't know, don't know, don't know,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01don't know, don't know, ribbon.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Shelf.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06That's a bit worrying, that is, Rhod, I'm not going to lie.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08First problem I've got,
0:01:08 > 0:01:11not only is there about 50 billion different types of flowers
0:01:11 > 0:01:13with all different names -
0:01:13 > 0:01:16I don't quite know how I'm going to serve customers.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19There's a lot more to being a florist than meets the eye,
0:01:19 > 0:01:20let me tell you that.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Ali had agreed to give me a one-day PhD in floristry.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Tomorrow, I'd be helping out
0:01:25 > 0:01:27on one of the busiest days of the year - Valentine's Day.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30You could fit everything I knew about flowers
0:01:30 > 0:01:31on Olly Murs's secateurs,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34so we started with the basics.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35What's different about this one?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39- Can you tell?- What's different about it?
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Yeah.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Does it feel any different to your usual flower,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45or what you would expect a flower to feel like?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46- It feels like a flower.- Really?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Yeah.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Is it a real flower? It's not a real flower.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53It's not a real flower. So it took you how long to decide that?
0:01:53 > 0:01:54I don't know, I wasn't timing it.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Now, you need to be able to inform our customers
0:01:57 > 0:01:59what a real flower is and what isn't.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Don't blame me if you're selling fake flowers...
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Well, I'm allowed to sell...
0:02:03 > 0:02:05If I went in next door and bought a bit of fake Levi's, I'd report them.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Yeah, but if you wanted a vase of flowers to last a lifetime,
0:02:08 > 0:02:09you'd buy artificial, wouldn't you?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- Who buys a vase of flowers to last a lifetime?- Plenty of people.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I was as confused as a footballer having a go at Lionel Blair
0:02:15 > 0:02:18about Iraq, so Ali grabbed me hard by the gerberas
0:02:18 > 0:02:20and started ramming me full of floristry.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Is that a real one or a fake?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That's artificial, yeah.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Fake.- No.- Fake.- No.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- Fake.- No.- Fake.- No.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Surely, Rhod, you know what this is?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Certainly do. Onion. - This is a daffodil.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Daffodil flower.- Yeah, you should know that as a Welshman.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37- Well, it's going to grow. - Where's the yellow bit?
0:02:37 > 0:02:38- Real.- No.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- It's a peony.- How am I supposed to know that?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43They're out of season. It's got a barcode on it.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- Look. Look at that barcode. - All right.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47My dad's grown these in the greenhouse.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48- Naughty boy.- Ready for planting.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50That is some variation on a marijuana plant.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Definitely not marijuana.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- Definitely is.- We don't do drugs in Guttridge's, I'll have you know.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Do you think this is real or fake?
0:02:57 > 0:02:58- Fake.- Wrong.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Do you think this is real or fake?
0:03:01 > 0:03:02- Fake.- Yes!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05THEY LAUGH
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Time for my first practical lesson.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09I've heard Gardeners' Question Time before,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11but listening to a panel discuss a pensioner's bush for half an hour
0:03:11 > 0:03:13doesn't teach you how to prepare flowers,
0:03:13 > 0:03:17so Ali took me to her workshop to get my fingers green.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19One of the first jobs as a trainee florist
0:03:19 > 0:03:21is to learn to condition your flowers.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24We have them in from Holland like that, all the leaves,
0:03:24 > 0:03:26all the thorns on them, lethal to the customers.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28We've got to take them off, ready for them.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29So every flower that comes in,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31you have to take all the leaves and the thorns off?
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Yeah. We've got here 30, plus another couple of thousand.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- Go gently around... - You do thousands of these everyday?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Thousands. - Being a florist is tedious.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Well, it's not if you get it done fast enough, is it?
0:03:43 > 0:03:47This is only, like, the tiny proportion of your job.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49It's the tedious proportion.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Roses are red, violets are blue,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53but they were all vicious little bastards, who knew?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- Argh!- Just stop...
0:03:56 > 0:03:58You did that deliberately!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I didn't at all. I just handed you the rose.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03How was I going to cope on Valentine's Day?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I was to flower conditioning
0:04:05 > 0:04:07what a dead rat in a cummerbund is to Crufts,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09but at least I was learning about the job.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13If the rugby's been on, or some sort of sporting event,
0:04:13 > 0:04:16we might sell more roses the following couple of days.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- Are those out of guilt?- Definitely.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- Is that...?- A bit of making up. - Is it?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23You must get quite involved in people's personal lives, though,
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- doing flowers?- You do hear a couple of dark secrets...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- Do you?!- But they stay secret.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33- Policy.- I bet you've got a lot of secrets, florists, haven't you?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Do you know everybody that's having affairs with everyone else in town?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Do you kind of...?- Oof.- Do you?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40You can't say that on camera.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Oh. Do you, though?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Yeah.- Got that?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50We'd made sure these petalled pricks would never hurt anyone again,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53but I was far more worried about doing myself an injury.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Put the rose against the knife...
0:04:58 > 0:05:00How are you doing that?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- It's just like a natural...- This is what I'm seeing happening...
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Ooooooh!
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Yeah, well, you've got to move your thumb.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07- Spurt.- You've got to move your thumb.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Do you peel your potatoes at home?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- Yes.- With a knife?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14No, with a potato peeler. What do you think?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Cover me in Baby Bio.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18I often find myself opposing my thumbs,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21but Ali Gaga wanted me to hack them off completely.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22This was bloody lethal.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Don't stab me in the process!
0:05:27 > 0:05:28- Did you do it?- No!
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I cannot cut that. Can't do it.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Well, that's not the attitude to have, is it?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I want to cut it, don't get me wrong.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40So far, so bad.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42But if anyone could help me, it was Ali.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Like Charlie Dimmock, Alan Titchmarsh and Percy Thrower
0:05:44 > 0:05:45rolled into one,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47she was a right Charlie Titthrower.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49She could whip up a bouquet before you could say,
0:05:49 > 0:05:50"Andromeda polifolia."
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Done.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- Very nice.- Think you can do it?
0:05:57 > 0:05:58No.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Charlie Titthrower made bouquets look easy.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04If I was going to work Valentine's Day,
0:06:04 > 0:06:05I had to master this,
0:06:05 > 0:06:09but I was flailing around like a cow trying to get in a dinghy.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Oh, shitting hell!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Oh, shit!
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Have you got a towel?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Towel?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Daffodils are yellow, daisies are white, like my bouquets,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24my bows were shite.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26And Percy Tithammock was getting worried.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I'm never going to be able to do this.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29- Of course you will.- Never.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30You've got to be able to do it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32That's like a basic, basic, basic bow.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34It's not even a complicated bow.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Looks complicated to me.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39You can't do a bow, you can't cut flowers with a knife...
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- No.- You can't distinguish what's fresh and what's silk.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I can't even tell what's a fake flower and what's a real flower.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46- No.- So...
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- We're not getting very far. - We're struggling. We're struggling.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52I haven't got the hang of anything today.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56I'm not very good at identifying flowers, I don't know many of them,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I can't even tell which ones are fake half the time.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I couldn't do a bow, couldn't do the presentation, the wrapping.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04It does feel like there's a lot to learn.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Tomorrow is Valentine's Day
0:07:06 > 0:07:09and I felt about as ready as a bat trapped in a postbox.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12I hadn't got the hang of anything, which was very bad news
0:07:12 > 0:07:15because Hammy Titpurse had been keeping a dark secret.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I've entered you into this competition.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21It's a bit of a big deal.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23We're going, next week, to Birmingham
0:07:23 > 0:07:26to represent our company for the heats
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- of the Chelsea Flower Show.- I can't tell if you're being serious now.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31You've entered me in the Chelsea Flower Show?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Yeah. Well, no, not the actual Chelsea Flower Show,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35the heats to the Chelsea Flower Show.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- So if you win this...- Oh, I'm not straight through to the final(?)
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Not straight through to the final. - Oh, it's just a heat, is it(?)
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- Exactly.- Pop my kangaroo paws in water,
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Jimmy Handbasket had entered me into
0:07:44 > 0:07:47one of the most prestigious flower competitions in the world.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Carnations are red, periwinkles are blue,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I was up shit creek without a canoe.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- Good idea. - I think it's a great idea.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Good idea, yeah. - You can do it, can't you?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Oh, God, yes.- Bit of focus.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Yeah. I'd probably have suggested it if you hadn't...
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Yeah? Well, I thought you'd like a bit of a challenge.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08It does feel like the Chelsea Flower Show
0:08:08 > 0:08:10might be a little bit beyond me at the moment.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12It's not until next week,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15but part of me feels it might be a bit early for me
0:08:15 > 0:08:19because it was only a few hours ago I thought that was an onion.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I needed to focus on the competition,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26but Valentine's Day waits for no man
0:08:26 > 0:08:29and Jimmy Titblanket wanted all hands on deck.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Horny chancers would be looking for last-minute bonk tokens
0:08:32 > 0:08:35and my first job of the day was to lure them in.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39This is going to bring them in.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43"Valentine's Day special. Violets are blue, roses are red,
0:08:43 > 0:08:47"you buy me some flowers and I'll give you some head."
0:08:47 > 0:08:49There's no way you're putting that on there.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Absolutely no way.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53It's Valentine's Day, where's your sense of romance?!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55No, that's not romantic at all.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Some people have just got no sense of romance.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01No soul. Before the inevitable love rush,
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Jimmy Mincefingers took me out back to discuss the brief
0:09:04 > 0:09:07for the big flower competition.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Create a structural arrangement for a wedding in the Tate Modern, OK?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12- That's the brief?- That's the brief.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16They want you to design something, maybe freestanding.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22What do we think? Weddings, church, steeple, couple.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27You've got to do something cool, something funky, something wild,
0:09:27 > 0:09:32so I'm thinking glass, I'm thinking cage work, Meccano sticks,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34bit of plaiting.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- Yeah?- I was thinking glass, cage work,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Meccano sticks and a bit of plaiting.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42It's exactly... I know I haven't said it yet,
0:09:42 > 0:09:43but that is what I was thinking.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44No sooner had we started
0:09:44 > 0:09:48than last-minute hump hunters started filling the shop.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Hello, there.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- These are a surprise.- Oh.- Would you like them gift-wrapped?
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Oh, I see! I was totally confused, then.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55I thought you'd brought me flowers!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- I did!- You've brought these in from outside.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- I'm with you now.- Could I have those flower hearts on the wall,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03can I have one of those, please?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06You want that thing that is behind everything else in the whole shop,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- do you?- The one that's furthest away.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Yeah, obviously the one
0:10:09 > 0:10:11that's furthest away is the best one, isn't it?!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Well, it's certainly no problem.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- I can see that.- With the shop quiet for a full ten seconds,
0:10:17 > 0:10:20we rushed out back to give my competition idea more thought.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23But my head was still emptier than a naturist's laundry basket.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26What about if we did two dead birds in a cage?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- Two dead lovebirds?- Two dead lovebirds, yeah, exactly.- No.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32I'm thinking more conceptual, you know?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Having two birds in a cage, you're just, like, copying something,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- isn't it, or, like...?- You'd just be copying in flowers,
0:10:39 > 0:10:40replicating another object.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- Exactly. - So you don't want to do that?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- I don't think you should do that. - Oh, it's too simple for us.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Yeah, exactly. - I've got till Sunday to do this.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I mean, why would we bother copying an existing object
0:10:48 > 0:10:52when we can try and invent an object that doesn't exist and then make it?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54I desperately needed an idea for the competition,
0:10:54 > 0:10:57but out front the shop was like Daffodilli Circus
0:10:57 > 0:11:01and the flowery love vouchers weren't going to deliver themselves.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Are you Amy?- Oh, Amy!
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Happy Valentine's Day.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06You have an admirer.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Valentine's delivery.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- Morning!- Thank you.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- Pleasure.- Mwah. - I'll give you a kiss anyway.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Ta-ta. Thank you.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21- Thanks.- Ta-ta, ladies.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Thank you. That went really well.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I just kissed everyone in Regal Travel, some of them twice.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29How was I going to do this competition piece?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32The Valentine's crowds just kept coming
0:11:32 > 0:11:35and Gary Spamsocks had me wrapping single red bonk bouquets,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37and I just couldn't do it.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39This is a single red rose, right?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- One single red rose.- £5.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- So far, I would estimate it cost 400 quid in man-hours.- Exactly.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I'm going to bite into my own arm in a minute.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52You're really getting on my nerves now.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- I'm getting on my own nerves. - Come on, just do it!
0:11:54 > 0:11:55You're getting on my nerves.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06I was the worst wrapper since Vanilla Ice
0:12:06 > 0:12:08and I was losing my lupin.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Jumpy Tithammock could see that the fiddly wrapping,
0:12:10 > 0:12:12the busy shop and the looming competition
0:12:12 > 0:12:14were all getting too much for me.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17So I'm getting a bit anxious now about this competition.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- You are?!- Yeah.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20How do you think I feel?!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I'm the one who's going to go in it.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I haven't heard much response from you
0:12:24 > 0:12:26about what you're thinking of, what your design's going to be.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29I'll level with you. I've got no ideas,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32and I have no idea where to start having ideas,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and I've got absolutely no idea what to do.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I think that's where I am at the moment.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40That doesn't instil me with any confidence whatsoever.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42At the moment, it's taking everything I've got
0:12:42 > 0:12:46to have a go at wrapping one single red rose,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49so the Chelsea Flower Show is a little way down the line in my head.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Unless we enter one poorly packaged red rose in the Chelsea Flower Show.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Well, I can't even... I'm not even going to display
0:12:55 > 0:12:58a poorly packaged red rose in the shop, so we'd better not, had we?
0:12:58 > 0:12:59That's kind of my point.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Panicking about the looming competition,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03I was very GLADIOLI when Titty Funthrower
0:13:03 > 0:13:07let me get back to the relative calm of the workshop.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09If we do a square...
0:13:09 > 0:13:10- A square.- Is it like a twist round like that?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Yeah.- Barmy Slapdoughnut could build a Hadron Collider
0:13:13 > 0:13:15out of leftover snowdrops.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18As we played around with basic building skills,
0:13:18 > 0:13:20this was my chance to pick her brains.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Now we've got these on for the stability, and the foam on there,
0:13:22 > 0:13:25on each corner, I'm really chuffed with this.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Chuffed? It's not up at the upper levels that you need to be,
0:13:30 > 0:13:31but I'm pleased YOU'RE chuffed.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I'm not going to enter this in the Chelsea Flower Show.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Right, that's all right, then. As long as you know...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Just learning some basics, I'm happy with the progress.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I wasn't going to rush out now and burst open the doors
0:13:40 > 0:13:41of the Chelsea Flower Show and go,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44"Look, everyone, wait, a late entry!"
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Out back, I was making progress with structural techniques,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49but I daffodil had loads to learn,
0:13:49 > 0:13:51and I had no idea what to do for the big competition.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55How could I, when Splashy McDash kept sending me out on deliveries?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Clare must be out on site -
0:14:01 > 0:14:02down the harbour, probably.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Oh, maybe I should go and find her down there?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- You might find her there.- I sought her here, I sought her there,
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I sought her every-bloody-where.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13Was she in town or down by the sea, that dammed elusive Clare Godfrey?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Clare Godfrey?- No.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16No?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Are you looking for her?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Hey, you should be a detective.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Clare Godfrey? Do you deliver in this area a lot?
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- No.- Oh.- Are you trying to find her to give her those lovely flowers?
0:14:28 > 0:14:30You should be a detective. Another one.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Oh, you're so kind.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Foxgloves come in purple, orchids many colours,
0:14:34 > 0:14:37you could shove the ruddy lot up your glistening running colours.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40The elusive Clare was keeping me from my competition piece.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Said she was on the site.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45There's building work going on down there, is that the site?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Clare Godfrey, do you know a Clare Godfrey?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- No.- Don't know a Clare Godfrey?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55No. No. Doesn't ring any bells for me.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I tell you what I like about this,
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I like the fact that you're looking round anyway.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01THEY LAUGH
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Looking for a Clare Godfrey.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05- Is that you?- Actually, try that grey building, there.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- That could be her.- Grey building.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- Valentine's, is it?- For Valentine's.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Hey, no flies on you, is there?
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Poirot up there.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19She may be in the lifeboat station.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I'll check the lifeboat station.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Hello, hello.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26There's nobody in the lifeboat station, which...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30..isn't the end of the world for me,
0:15:30 > 0:15:33but it's not a great sign if you're stranded at sea right now.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Where have you been, Rhod?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Where haven't I been? - An hour and a half ago
0:15:37 > 0:15:40you left for a delivery that is round the corner.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Is that all it is?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43It feels like longer. I need a little rest, I think.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45You haven't got time for a rest.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46It's Valentine's Day.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Do you see me resting?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49- No.- No, come on.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Jesus ROSE from the dead in three days -
0:15:52 > 0:15:54it had taken me almost as long to deliver one.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56The Valentine's Day crowds were keeping me
0:15:56 > 0:15:59from some desperately needed competition prep time,
0:15:59 > 0:16:00but at least I was learning by osmosis
0:16:00 > 0:16:02and my knowledge was blooming.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Did you want the Naomi roses, the better large-headed ones?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07I don't know anything about roses other than they're quite attractive.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I think, when you see them, you'll prefer the ones that we've got.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13The Dutch, much larger head.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Aesthetically much more pleasing.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Both good-quality roses.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Do you want me to show you the difference?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20You can see the difference there, the size of the head.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Aesthetically, your Dutch is far superior to your Kenyan.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25I'm going to go with the European one.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Go with the Dutch.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28That looks so good.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I'll take that.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31- You'll take it as it is?- As it is.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33I shall turn away while you write the...
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Yes, and I'd rather you didn't look at it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I will not look at it. We do ask that it's nothing too smutty.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42At last, Valentine's Day was over
0:16:42 > 0:16:44and, back in the relative calm of the workshop,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I can finally resume my training for the big competition.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50To say I had my work cut out was the greatest understatement
0:16:50 > 0:16:53since God told Noah his ark would need windscreen wipers.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56With tulips, they're quite good because you can manipulate them,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58too, so you can bend them however you want.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Pretty much attached...
0:17:01 > 0:17:03That doesn't bode well, does it?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I thought you said they were robust
0:17:05 > 0:17:06and they stand up to a lot of bending.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09'Finally free from the demands of hurried horn hunters
0:17:09 > 0:17:12'and unwieldy wrapping paper, I was able to crocus
0:17:12 > 0:17:14'on the real challenge ahead.'
0:17:14 > 0:17:17You haven't been as frustrated with this as you were with the wrapping.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19The wrapping was driving me insane.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22My basic training over, it was time for me to go solo.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I'd have to start from scratch, but I was determined to give
0:17:25 > 0:17:27this competition my best shot.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'm a very different florist now to the naive fool
0:17:30 > 0:17:33that walked in here a few days ago.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36All I've got to do now is turn all those skills
0:17:36 > 0:17:40into a Chelsea Flower Show award-winning floral sculpture,
0:17:40 > 0:17:45so, really, I've broken the back of it. The donkey work is done.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47It's just the finishing touches now.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50They say you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52but I couldn't enter an omelette in the Chelsea Flower Show.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I needed flowers.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56The competition is Sunday, it is now Friday morning,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59so I've come down to a flower wholesalers here in Cardiff
0:17:59 > 0:18:01because I've got my idea.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Inspiration has struck in the middle of the night.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I've got my idea for a structural floral arrangement
0:18:06 > 0:18:09that I'm pretty sure is going to win this competition
0:18:09 > 0:18:12on Sunday, so now I've just got to go and get my materials.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15If I was going to bring the idea in my head to life, I had to work fast,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17so Tinshy Binliner and her dad, Julian,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19took me to a Cardiff wholesalers.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- I've got my idea.- You have?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Yeah. I've been thinking on it, I've slept on it, I've got my idea.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I need pussy willow, we've worked with, and I need bamboo.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I need to be able make a structure and then I need flowers.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32And this is where I need some advice.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Right, so...- I need quite a lot...
0:18:35 > 0:18:39..of flowers - white or red, possibly.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43Red could be good, Rhod, because Valentine's Day has been and gone.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45We should be able to get some red roses cheap.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Between them, they'd seen more flowers
0:18:47 > 0:18:49than Shirley Bassey's dressing room
0:18:49 > 0:18:50and helped me bag some bargains.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53With a trolley load of leftover poke tokens,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I was ready to get started on my competition-winning piece.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57I think I've got everything I need.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I've got roses that were cheap as chips,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02double-headed chrysanths, I've got my floral foam,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I've got some dark chocolate paint.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I don't really know how this is all going to come together.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08There's a lot of guesswork involved.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10I don't quite know what I'm doing.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I've got a vision in my head and, this afternoon,
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I've got to make it all come together,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16so I'm going to crack on.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19My idea had been inspired by the Valentine's Day crowds,
0:19:19 > 0:19:21but with just one DAHLIA to make it,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I had to summon the power of flowers because the heat was on.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28It was on the street, John Street, Porthcawl, CF36 3BD.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I've got no idea what other people are going to come up with.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Absolutely no idea.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36I've never been to a flower show before,
0:19:36 > 0:19:40so I've got no idea what to expect, except that Ali says
0:19:40 > 0:19:43people spend months dedicated to just this one day,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46this one structural arrangement, this one competition.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I wouldn't say I'm definitely not going to win,
0:19:48 > 0:19:54but the odds are certainly stacked fairly heavily against me.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57My competition entry had to be all my own work,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00but the closest I've come to making
0:20:00 > 0:20:02a plant-based structural arrangement is rolling my own fags,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06so Terry Grimbiscuit SNOWDROPPED in to check my progress.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10If I was doing a competition, I'd be making my own chicken wire.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12You made your own chicken wire?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13It shows another technique.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Of what? Chicken and wire?- No.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16How do you make chicken wire?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19So the finer bullion wire that we use there.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20I made this chicken wire.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23There was a barcode on it five minutes ago.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25I put a bar code on it to make it look realistic.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Have I done too good a job? Does it look like shop-bought?
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Just four hours to make a floral structural arrangement
0:20:31 > 0:20:33with 90% plant-based material
0:20:33 > 0:20:35on a wedding theme to go in the Tate Modern
0:20:35 > 0:20:38for the Birmingham heat of the Chelsea Flower Show.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41After saying it out loud, I only had two hours left.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I'm reminding myself of what Ali taught me.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48I'm going to cover this in, like, a sheet of flowers.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Beautiful. I was putting the Rhod into RHODODENDRON.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57If I'd been a pop star, I'd have been Lily Allen.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59If I'd have been a rock star, I'd have been Axl Rose.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01If I'd been a middle-of-the-road band,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04I'd have been Chrysanthemum-ford And Sons.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05I really want to give this my all.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I've really tried. I'm really enjoying it.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09I'm really enjoying it.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I'm finding it really relaxing.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I think I want to be a florist.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15I want to be an award-winning
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Chelsea Flower Show first-prize-winning florist.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21That's what I want to do.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30- Done.- That's it.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32- Roll on Sunday. - Are you excited or are you nervous?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I'm excited, can you tell?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35I'm genuinely quite excited.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'm genuinely really nervous.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39You don't need to be...
0:21:39 > 0:21:40What are you nervous about?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Well, like, the best judge in the country is going to be there,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44marking your work.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Yeah, all right, don't get me nervous.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47You do the nerves, I'll do the excitement.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- I'll see you Sunday. - All right, then.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Good luck.- All right. - Look after the van now, OK?- Will do.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03This is it. Sunday morning, Tamworth, just outside Birmingham.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04The big competition,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06and I'm actually feeling quite nervous
0:22:06 > 0:22:08because some of the other competitors,
0:22:08 > 0:22:09I can see them arriving,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12getting their structural arrangements out of the cars,
0:22:12 > 0:22:14and the standard looks pretty high.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15This was a nervous moment.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Aspidistra leaves are green, horse chestnuts give you conkers,
0:22:18 > 0:22:22but if my structure had fallen apart in the van, I'd go lupin bonkers.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Watch my structural arrangement.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29We got my piece safely into the venue,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31but my future as a competitive florist
0:22:31 > 0:22:33was dangling by the nasturtiums
0:22:33 > 0:22:36because we had a triffid-sized problem.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I've got five minutes before everyone's allowed in.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Ali has got the base
0:22:39 > 0:22:41for my freestanding structural arrangement -
0:22:41 > 0:22:42I can't do anything without that.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45It's supposed to be vases with freestanding orchids inside.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I've planned it all out, I've sweated blood and guts
0:22:47 > 0:22:49over this bloody thing, worked all day on it,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and I'm going to be let down at the last second
0:22:52 > 0:22:54by Ali not turning up with the base.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Never trust anyone else if you're a florist.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Advice to any florists out there - do it all yourself.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05The deadline was nearly up.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I could feel it rushing towards me
0:23:07 > 0:23:09like a naked Alan Titchmarsh on a death slide.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13But with moments to spare, Jammy Titsbammock finally rocked up.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Oh, hello. Oh, hello.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16It's only 9.28 and a half.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Are you all right? Are you excited? - "Excited"?
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I've been taking your names in vain, I'll tell you that.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Dirty Gymsocks had made it clear
0:23:24 > 0:23:26that if I didn't step up and do her proud,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I'd be pushing up the daisies, but she still hadn't seen
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- what I've come up with.- Are you going to tell me what you've done?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I'm really nervous now.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34You'll see it.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- I'm really anxious. - You'll see it. Right...
0:23:37 > 0:23:44Welcome to the eventual winner of the Chelsea Flower Show 2017.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51That's pretty good, Rhod.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54It's Wedding Night.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Inspired by Valentine's Day hump hunters,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00Naomi roses flow over double-headed chrysanths,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03a bamboo bed accented with a love heart feature headboard
0:24:03 > 0:24:07of pussy willow and bark and moss bed sheet detail.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Rhod's mechanics are teasingly obscured
0:24:09 > 0:24:11by aspidistra leaf and chrysanthemum.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15Well, considering the other day you couldn't even wrap a rose,
0:24:15 > 0:24:16look what you've done!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18You've had a really good go.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Wedding Night.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22I thought I'd keep it conventional.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25It took a lot of willpower on my part
0:24:25 > 0:24:27to just have them quite romantic like that.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30I'm surprised you haven't put a hat on it.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Oh, there's going to be... I haven't put the hair on yet.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Oh, you are going to add...?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Yeah, they're going to have real hair - only on the head.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Orchids reaching through the heavens through upright vases
0:24:39 > 0:24:41completed my piece.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44And along with my fellow competitors,
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I did my finishing touches as the clock ticked down.
0:24:47 > 0:24:4915 minutes left.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Just doing some touch-up work
0:24:54 > 0:24:57where some of these haven't survived that well in transit.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58The standard was incredibly high.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01You could cut the atmosphere with a hedge trimmer.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03My hands were shaking like a stoned folk musician
0:25:03 > 0:25:05who's forgotten her tambourine.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I'm hot, I'm sweaty, I'm a little bit stress-y.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I think I've become a florist.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Look at me.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Trimming slightly uneven moss.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18OK, you've got five minutes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Rushing, stop rushing, don't rush.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26More haste, less speed.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Perfect.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34OK, everybody, that's time.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Time's up. You need to leave the room now.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Good luck.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41I hadn't even used buttercups,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44but the suspense was making my heart go giddy-up.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48The judges have gone as quiet as a fuchsia's fart.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51The judges are in there. They've been in there for a very long time.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Part of me just hopes I don't come last...
0:25:54 > 0:25:56..and part of me is out to win this.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00When head judge Tracy
0:26:00 > 0:26:02gave each of us feedback one-to-one to explain the scoring,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04my bum cheeks were clenched so tight
0:26:04 > 0:26:07they could have pressed a fake flower.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Well, here's your mark card.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Thank you very much. Total of 68 out of 100.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Nearly 70%?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16You mean 68 marks out of 100.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Yes, but 70...
0:26:18 > 0:26:19No, it's 68.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21If you'd said 70% to me when I arrived...
0:26:21 > 0:26:22No, it's 68.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I'm in with a chance here.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26If I do win and we go to Chelsea...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Yeah.- ..is there any improvements I could make to it
0:26:28 > 0:26:29ahead of the finals?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31You'd have to start all over again.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- I'd have to have a completely new idea?- Absolutely.
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Or just a different position?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Smother me in Saxifraga oppositifolia.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40An average of 69%.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43When everyone POPPIED back in to hear the final results,
0:26:43 > 0:26:44I knew I was in with a shout.
0:26:45 > 0:26:51And so the all-important third place...
0:26:53 > 0:26:56..is Dean Sharp from Fleurtations.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58APPLAUSE
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Dean, very well done.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02It's a lovely piece of work.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05And then in second place...
0:27:07 > 0:27:10..is Charlotte Cook from Hillary's Floral Design.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12We've done it.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13We've done it.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18And then in first place...
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Married life might not be a bed of roses, but my piece was.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Would the judges reward the playful symbolism
0:27:24 > 0:27:27in my absolutely amazing piece of work?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30With an absolutely amazing piece of work...
0:27:32 > 0:27:36..and they really do deserve the points that they've been given.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41In first place is Tina Parks.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Creative, challenging, therapeutic, voyeuristic,
0:27:48 > 0:27:50competitive and beautiful,
0:27:50 > 0:27:53from birth to death, surrounding us at every significant milestone -
0:27:53 > 0:27:55floristry has it all.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I'd arrived knowing roses were red and violets were blue,
0:27:58 > 0:28:01but I'd learnt that roses could be white, black or yellow too.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04In fact, roses can be purple, violet or titian.
0:28:04 > 0:28:08Who gives a shit? I've given it my all in this competition.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11The standard of the other entrants here
0:28:11 > 0:28:16is clearly very high indeed and, alongside this,
0:28:16 > 0:28:20mine admittedly does look like a piece of shit,
0:28:20 > 0:28:23but it is a piece of shit that I am very proud of.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25- Rhod?- Yes.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26I've been having a look at people's marks.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Some of them, you've beaten them.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31- Honestly.- I wasn't last.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- News just in... Breaking news. - Rhod wasn't last.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38I wasn't last.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40HE LAUGHS