0:00:02 > 0:00:04Roger's fighting unfair dismissal
0:00:04 > 0:00:07and I'm on a shortlist for a Deputy Headship! Woo!
0:00:07 > 0:00:09But, Roger, you've won.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13So, Rog, all of this is over.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Huh. It's over.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17It's over!
0:00:17 > 0:00:21I have a 31-year-old son called Liam...
0:00:22 > 0:00:23..who's alive.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- I'm through to the second day. - Oh, Val!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Well, it's only the second day. I'm containing it.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Who else got through?- Pam Bagnall.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36I will hunt you down and kill you like a dog.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- You lied to me. - Well, given the circumstance...- No!
0:00:39 > 0:00:45In league with the mother of your child that I didn't know you had.
0:00:58 > 0:01:03- You were fine in the taxi. - Don't speak to me.- Oh...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Are you OK?
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Oh! Ooh, I can't breathe. I can't get my breath.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10You can't get your breath?
0:01:10 > 0:01:16- I know I look contorted, I'm just trying to yawn!- Stop speaking then.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Don't speak to me. You're breaking my concentration.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Ah, no good. I just need to yawn.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Shall I see if we've got any Otravine. Is your nose blocked?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- It won't help me. Won't help me. - Well, are you OK?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Stop asking me if I'm OK, I haven't got the breath to spare.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Right, right, sit down on the stairs. Can you do that, Roger?
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- Oooh. Panic attack.- There's no point saying, "Panic attack!"
0:01:40 > 0:01:42You're just winding yourself up more.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45There'll be a reason why he didn't come.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- It's not Liam, it's a panic att...- Stop panicking!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Just don't panic!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55For God's sake, it's as if you're having a heart attack!
0:01:55 > 0:01:56I'm not!
0:01:57 > 0:02:02Liam will have got mixed up. He'll have gone to the wrong pub.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Here. Breathe into this, Roger.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- Oh! I thought a bird... - No! Paper bag.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12It was good, wasn't it? Sitting in the noisy pub
0:02:12 > 0:02:15waiting for your son you've suddenly got! Sorry, Roger.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18- Eh?- Well, it's just I'm not having a panic attack, am I?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22And I'm the one that's massively entitled. Had to say that. Sorry!
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Oooh, I just want to yawn. I'm desperate to yawn. Urgh! Urgh!
0:02:26 > 0:02:30It's not because Liam forgot. He just didn't want to come.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34No, you don't know that. We don't know him.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Oh! Why don't you look at the light-bulb, Roger?
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- That's a sneeze.- Oh.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- PHONE RINGS - Liam. Liam!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Hello? Oh, hello, Barbara.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Look, I'm in the middle of a panic attack. Let me pass you to Val.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Hello, Barbara. Can I ring you back?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Oh. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05When? Oh, dear.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08No, no, you can't go down that road, Barbara.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Well, you were separated,
0:03:10 > 0:03:14he could have lived for another ten years...but he hasn't. Mmm.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17But you didn't know that when you refused, you see.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19KNOCK ON DOOR
0:03:19 > 0:03:24With the best will in the world, Barbara, yes.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Barbara, will you just excuse me a minute, please?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31There's someone at the front door! Yes, sorry, Barbara.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Liam! Liam!
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Barbara, there's major nicky-knocky-nye door activity
0:03:39 > 0:03:43- in our area.- Val! Help me, please!
0:03:43 > 0:03:46Barbara, I'm really sorry. I'm going to have to go,
0:03:46 > 0:03:48So, sympathy. So sorry, yeah.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Yeah, really am very sorry.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Yeah, I have to go, Barbara.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Yes. Barbara, listen! I have to go. Rest in peace. Bye-bye.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Roger!
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Liam!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Roger! Ohhh.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08Gone.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Gone. Oh, Val. Val.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Was it him, Roger? - I think it was him.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Did you see him? - No. But it was.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24- Thank you.- Oh, Rog! And you're wet through!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- It was him, Val. - Maybe he'll be back later.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I don't think he will.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Did you not hear me? I was doing that.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53Oh. He'd be here now. Come and get dried, Rog.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04No, I know, I know. What did Barbara want?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Uncle Jack's died.- Right.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I hope Liam didn't think we were in because the lights were on.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Typical Barbara! We don't even know Uncle Jack.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15We DO know him. He's your uncle.
0:05:15 > 0:05:20He's the estranged husband of my dad's cousin Barbara.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Uncle is stretching it.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Well, we call him Uncle Jack.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Could you pick him out in a line-up?- Uh...yeah.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Well, I couldn't. Not unless the line-up was in context,
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Auntie Nelly's blue settee and he was sitting bang next to Barbara.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I'd say, "Yep, that's him. I'd recognise him anywhere."
0:05:38 > 0:05:40If I passed him on the street, I wouldn't.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Well, he's not in kill-the-fatted-calf territory, no.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47No, but Liam is. You're his dad.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Well, you're his biological dad. I don't know what you are.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55We don't know Liam either. I've met him once.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57OK, OK.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- Well, what about this? Has Liam got a car?- Yeah.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03See. You know that.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I wish he was our son.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16The advantage there is we'd know him.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Tim and Cath Hooper got divorced just because they moved house
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- and don't like it.- Yeah.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Well, we haven't done that! With all this.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33People run for the bus at different speeds.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39We've lost a son, so finding a son...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43How can I have a son with another woman and not with you?
0:06:43 > 0:06:49Well, I can think it was 12 years before I met you
0:06:49 > 0:06:51but you were still mine.
0:06:51 > 0:06:57Even though I didn't know you. Oh, I didn't know you but I did.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02And even if I missed the time and somebody else had got you,
0:07:02 > 0:07:07you'd still be mine, Roger. You'd have maybe come across me
0:07:07 > 0:07:11when I brought a school trip to the Winter Gardens
0:07:11 > 0:07:16and we'd get on far too well and I'd go home to my other husband
0:07:16 > 0:07:22that isn't you, Roger, and our seven alive kids, but even then, I'd know.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Thank you, Val.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Because I often think I'm a wanker.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32You know, really, I'm... Oh, shut up, Roger.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36I disgust myself with my endless self-analysis
0:07:36 > 0:07:40which only contributes to my neurosis in the long run.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41D'you think I'm like that?
0:07:41 > 0:07:46I'm stupid. No wonder Liam didn't want to come to the pub.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50You've only met him once, at his mum's house, and you didn't say much.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52That can't be the reason he didn't come.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56But I'm not a very surprising person! After a very short time,
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- people know me quite well. - I think that's a good thing.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00There's nothing hidden.
0:08:00 > 0:08:06My stupid broad strokes, strong likes, prejudices!
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Hmmph! Snore!
0:08:10 > 0:08:13No, I'm sorry. I would not want to be my son.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17When Liam gets to know you, you will be a wonderful dad.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Now come on! Do you want some pyjamas?- Yeah.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Are those the only pyjamas I've got clean?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Well, d'you want them or a track suit?
0:08:29 > 0:08:34No, I'll have the pyjamas. Christ, what a fool is man.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37These are your only pyjamas clean on a night like this.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I've just been saying gorgeous things to you.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I just don't think you can be a dad to someone who's already 31.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Well, be an uncle figure, then!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Yeah, like Uncle Jack whose funeral we're not going to.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Roger! I am going to the funeral, actually. It's on Saturday.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Yeah, on Saturday, I'm opening all the post
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I couldn't face during the tribunal and there's a lot.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Well, I'll go on the train.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02There's engineering works at the weekend.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You're going to have to figure out whether you mourn him enough
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- to sit on a bus replacement service.- Oh, poor Jack.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14- Yeah. Wasn't there...? Didn't he...?- Yeah.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Dad saw him at the Liberal Club with his arms around two women.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22- He wasn't supposed to tell Barbara, but everybody knew.- That's right.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27Oh, good. I don't think my nerves could cope with a cork.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Oh, Val, your phone's blinking.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It won't be Liam. He hasn't got my number.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33It'll be Barbara, I'll ring her back.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- Oh, please, let's not do that now. - No. Although you should ring Liam.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Oh!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Hang on. This is Pam Bagnall.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- Eh?- Yeah, she's left me a message at 21.13.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53I'll bet she's drunk, celebrating, calling to gloat.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- How low.- Yeah.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Oh.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03She doesn't know she's rung me.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Who's that in the background?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- She's in Sainsbury's.- What?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- Just a minute.- But your name's way down her alphabet. V!- Shh-shh!
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- Oh, she's called you by mistake. - No, no, no, no, no.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Pam Bagnall, according to the evidence
0:10:31 > 0:10:36I now have in my possession, is addicted to Nurofen Plus.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Give me the phone.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- Who's that she's speaking to? - Mr Bagnall.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Yeah, I recognise his voice from the restaurant last week.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54- 36 Nurofen Plus! - Yeah, but keep listening!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Does she say, "You get the extra two boxes.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- "He won't serve me with any more Nurofen Plus?"- Yeah.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03That's her talking to the pharmacist at Sainsbury's!
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- She doesn't know she's phoned you! - No!- This is dynamite, Val.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- How?- Well, she's addicted to Nurofen Plus.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Yeah. So what?
0:11:12 > 0:11:16This could all be tied in with the Deputy Headship dirty tricks.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Yes, but even so, Nurofen Plus are legal.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23No, Roger. I can't touch her. She's got the Deputy Headship.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25How is this going to help me?
0:11:25 > 0:11:30You have knowledge about Pam Bagnall that you did not have before.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34No, I certainly did not. It's a very telling insight.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Knowledge is power with a person.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40I'm just trying to think how to use it. I'll come up with something.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45You shouldn't be so desperate for a box of Nurofen Plus
0:11:45 > 0:11:49- unless something's wrong with you. - Is there something wrong with her?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Not that I know of.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- Is she experiencing pain down her left side?- No.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- Frequent headaches, loss of vision, anything like that?- No.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01- Has she signed the contract of work? - I don't know. She starts next week.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05- You see, I'm thinking, if she dies in post...- Roger!
0:12:05 > 0:12:10No, I think it's far more likely that she got addicted to them
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- during the stress of the Deputy Headship race.- She's addicted.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Someone who goes out in this weather for something is desperate.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- Roger, if we're going to talk about the Deputy Headship...- We are not.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24..I'm going to ask you to crush up half an aspirin.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26The woman is a silent assassin!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- Roger.- Enough.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Roger, if you would join me, please.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Rest in peace, Uncle Jack.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Uncle Jack.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53RAIN IS POURING
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Why did you do that?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Just in case he comes back. Just...
0:13:04 > 0:13:06Instinct?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Yeah. Just a minute.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24There he is.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26He's in his car. Is that Liam?
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Yes.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37Right. I need you to stay calm now, Roger.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42I absolutely understand this. It's like an animal smelling its parent.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46- Yeah.- Opening the door was great. It was great that you did that!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Why?- Well, it's instinct.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I need you to do exactly as I say. Put the lamps on.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Please help me. I feel frightened.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01No, no. Allow him his family instinct.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05He needs to see you, he needs to see us.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Right, come back to the window.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Let him see that it's all right.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15This is much better than meeting in the pub. He's right, now just...
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Hi there.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21I understand. I'm not coming out.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Look like a person, Roger, not a puppet!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Oh, look! He's like you. He's nervous.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Ohh!
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm very keen to come across like the stepmother you'd want.
0:14:33 > 0:14:38- Not like the horrible Baroness in The Sound Of Music.- You will.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I want to be like Julie Andrews.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44And you can be the, um...oh, the Uncle Max.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- Eh?- Uncle Max?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51From The Sound of Music. Uncle Max from Salzburg.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55The one that brings the puppet show! The one that the children like.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56- Oh, right.- Yeah.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01He's funny. The Uncle Max is funny. Pull a funny face.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Yeah.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09No, hang on, hang on. Uncle Max is criminally un-political
0:15:09 > 0:15:10in Nazi-occupied Austria!
0:15:10 > 0:15:14Yeah, give it a rest for once in your life, Roger.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Fine, yeah, I agree, yeah. I've done a funny face.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18OK.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22You know, I'm not sure people should speak at first.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24He needs to sense you.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Why didn't we think of it? It's a good idea.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32I called his name. I hope he heard.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Julie Andrews on the bed in the storm.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- My God, that film's a work of genius.- Yeah.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Oh, OK. He's leaving now. CAR ENGINE STARTS
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Just very, very encouraging.
0:15:47 > 0:15:53# Goodbye! #
0:15:53 > 0:15:54He's not waving back.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58He's driving off, he's not...
0:16:02 > 0:16:04..it's not him.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- What's not?- The man in the car, it's not Liam.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- What do you mean?- The man we were waving to, it's not...
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- I'm sorry, Val.- Well, who was it?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- I don't know.- Roger, who have we been waving at?
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- Well, that bloke, whoever he was. - Why did you think it was Liam?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Val, I've only met him once.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- Anyway, you're the person who said it was him.- I've never met him!
0:16:30 > 0:16:34I don't know! I saw dark hair in a car and I went with you.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Well, he does look quite like the man we were waving at.
0:16:37 > 0:16:42I asked you, "Is it him?" You said, "Yes."
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- I whispered the yes because I was almost sure!- Oh!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48And almost in these circumstances is...well, you grab what you can!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50How much have you had to drink?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54No, no, you said that you couldn't spot Uncle Jack in a line-up
0:16:54 > 0:16:58- and you've known him for 50 years. - Well, you need glasses for every day,
0:16:58 > 0:16:59and that has confirmed it!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03I'm just questioning what that man is doing sitting in a car, watching.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04What's he got out of it?
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Well, he hasn't set out to mock us. We've mocked ourselves.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Oh, no, Val! Life's mocked us. These pyjamas have made it worse for me.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Yeah, well, we're all human beings, we should help each other out.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20If I was that bloke, I'd have got out of the car and I'd have said,
0:17:20 > 0:17:24"Look, I don't know you, but, you know, I wish you all the best."
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- Wouldn't you?- I don't know what I would have done.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'm finished. Done waving.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Can you fill my glass up, please, Roger?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Roger, can you get up off there and fill my glass up? I've had enough.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Yeah, I have as well.- Oh!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I wanted it to be Liam and it's dark.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I'm going to put on some pizza cos I'm starving.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Good! Put another one in for me.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00OVEN BUTTONS BEEP
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Shall I tell you something, though? Out of it.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07THAT is why you'd be wasted as a Deputy Head.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- Your communication with young people...superb!- Mmm.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14See, I don't think he was young.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Looking back on it, I should have twigged earlier.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Well, these things start off... everyone has the best intentions
0:18:21 > 0:18:25but in three years' time, when Liam's central heating breaks down,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29he won't ring me to see if I've got any storage heaters.
0:18:29 > 0:18:35Oh, I disagree! Shove up. You'd be the ideal person.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36We don't know him.
0:18:36 > 0:18:41But, Roger, I don't know Uncle Jack, but he's still my family.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Oh, I'm quite upset now about Uncle Jack dying.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53I'm glad the other husband didn't get you.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Yeah. Oh, Roger.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00The Deputy Headship. I'm a disappointed woman.
0:19:00 > 0:19:07No, because that, what I witnessed there, that instinct from you...
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- Yeah.- I know we're not allowed to mention the job.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13No, because there's a void, like there always is with me.
0:19:13 > 0:19:18No, but that instinct with people, that!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21But, Roger, I got the wrong person.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23But you did the right thing.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40I'm absolutely gutted.
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- No, the word is sabotage.- Well, we can't be certain it was Bagnall.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- Had you ever mixed them up before?- No.- No.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Was Pam Bagnall seen leaving the cookery block that morning?
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Yes.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57Has Bagnall performed the age-old "saw it on Tom And Jerry when I was two" trick
0:19:57 > 0:20:01- of swapping the sugar for the salt? - I suspect she has.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Yeah, so do I.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Well, everyone's conscience is their own business.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Conscience is the least of her problems.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11She's two steps to the side of a place in Broadmoor.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13No, Roger, she wants the head's job.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17She will then move on to saline poison the whole of the local education authority.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Well, she didn't poison anyone. It was just the interview tea
0:20:21 > 0:20:24and coffee, which happened to be the responsibility of Food Tech.
0:20:24 > 0:20:30No, the department where her Deputy Headship rival is in charge.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Well, I've got my own opinions about Pam. Not good ones.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41But... she probably WAS the best candidate.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45No. I will never accept that. No, she was not.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Roger, why didn't I get it?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I was down to the last two.
0:20:50 > 0:20:56And now you say Liam's storage heaters won't come back
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- and Uncle... What's his name? Oh, God!- Jack.- Jack.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Uncle Jack's died. What does it all mean?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Now, Val, no, no, no. I know where you're going, Val.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Just shut up, Roger! I will have it.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Val, please, you know how you get when you listen to this.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26MUSIC: "Those Were The Days" by Mary Hopkin
0:21:29 > 0:21:34Oh...listen to the insane sorrow.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Val, please, I believe this song to be sick.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Just ants in a long procession, Roger,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47that's all we are, but in that long procession there are families.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Kings and queens and workers - class structure even there.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54If you would open your eyes, please, Roger.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Oh, I wish Sue was here.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02This song is a bit like me and Sue in Food Tech.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06Yeah, because we're friends, me and Sue.
0:22:06 > 0:22:11We work together very happily and we can leave every day at 3.30.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Can you, Bagnall? You... You Deputy Head.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19This song does not look forward at all.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Actually, Roger, if I were the Deputy Head and I was in my office
0:22:24 > 0:22:28and I saw Sue making her way over to Food Tech,
0:22:28 > 0:22:34and I was listening to this song, I'd have tears pouring down my face.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37I'm glad I didn't get it.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Well, there's no way of knowing any days were THE days.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Thus leaving this song essentially meaningless.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Jack's died!
0:22:47 > 0:22:48SHE SOBS
0:22:48 > 0:22:51- Put it back on.- Val, you're drunk.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Get off it.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56I'm going to get the pizza, Val.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Did I put it in the microwave?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Roger, can you get me a large glass of water immediately now?
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Hang on, Rog, listen to this, right. This is my first line.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It's brilliant.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Poem For Uncle Jack.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Oh, Val...
0:24:01 > 0:24:04No, that's not the first line, that's the title. No, listen.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Tonight, I find I can quite clearly recall your face...
0:24:10 > 0:24:15- That's brilliant.- Shhh! The small eyes Your bald head
0:24:15 > 0:24:19The surprisingly pleasant smile Given your fangs...
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Yeah, what were they, Val?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Well, they'd just be overgrown canines, Roger.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27You were a Tory Seen in the Liberal club
0:24:27 > 0:24:31With your arms round two women So who were you?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- My confusion grows... - That's fantastic.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38And tonight... Oh, actually, no, not tonight,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41because the poem needs to be timeless. Hang on.
0:24:41 > 0:24:49And this is probably the last time I ever think of you - adieu.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53What do you think?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56That is fantastic, Val.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Barbara must have that.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01She must have a copy of it to be read at the funeral.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02No, Barbara can't see it
0:25:02 > 0:25:05because it's got the secret about the Liberal club.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Barbara must never see it, ever. Never show that to Barbara.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Sorry, Rog, I think I was getting a bit plastered there
0:25:11 > 0:25:13but I've stopped now, just in time.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15CAR HORN BEEPS
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Val, it's the man in the car.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Who is he?
0:25:28 > 0:25:29Oh, my God.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Oh, Val, I'm sorry it IS Liam.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36No, it isn't. It's the same man we were waving to before.
0:25:36 > 0:25:42Yeah, but I-I-I think it was Liam now. Yes, I'm... It is.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43I know it is.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Now that he's out of the car.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Look how tall he is. It's him.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53- Oh, Roger...- See from the side he looks like their family but...
0:25:53 > 0:25:57but full on, I mean, look at the height of him, it's him.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Oh, Roger, please be sure because I'm really investing here.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I'm sure now. When I met him before, he wasn't smiling.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07What's he pointing at?
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Oh.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36It's Roses.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40With raindrops on. It's one of my favourite things.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Oh, thanks.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43He surely can't have known
0:26:43 > 0:26:47that we were being The Sound Of Music people, though, can he, Val?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Well, he's clearly very bright and tall.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53He doesn't get that from Jean. She's five foot three.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56No, you go for the shorter woman.
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Roger...
0:26:57 > 0:26:58What?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02There's a baby seat in the back of his car.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Have you got a baby?
0:27:06 > 0:27:07He says yes.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10CAR ENGINE STARTS There's a baby.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Oh, Roger, you're going to be so good with the baby
0:27:13 > 0:27:15because you do all those funny faces.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Yeah, I'm beginning to think my funny faces were excellent.
0:27:18 > 0:27:22Oh, he's a lovely lad. Generous...chocolates.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Let's have a drink. Wet the baby's head.
0:27:28 > 0:27:33I'm going to step outside - smell the earth.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Oh, it's stopped raining.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd