0:00:02 > 0:00:04PHONE RINGS Liam!
0:00:06 > 0:00:07Hello.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10There's someone at the front door!
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Liam!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14How can I have a son with another woman and not with you?
0:00:14 > 0:00:19And we can leave every day at 3.30. Can you, Bagnall?!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22You! You Deputy Head!
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Has Bagnall performed the age-old "saw it on Tom and Jerry
0:00:25 > 0:00:28"when I was two" trick of swapping the sugar for the salt?
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I suspect she has.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Yeah.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Pam Bagnall, according to the evidence
0:00:35 > 0:00:39I now have in my possession, is addicted to Neurofen Plus.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Give me the phone!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44There he is. He's in his car.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Is that Liam?
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Yes.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50(Have you got a baby?)
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Oh, he says yes!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54There's a baby!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Let's have a drink.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57Wet the baby's head.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11KEYS RATTLE IN DOOR
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Roger! You can't leave that there!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Yeah, can I, can I just get in?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Traffic's unbelievable, Val.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02There's a lot!
0:04:02 > 0:04:05No, no, some of it's Jean's.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10What's this?
0:04:10 > 0:04:15Oh, I don't know. It's some sort of massive OAP device.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17It's a volumatic spacer.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21It's to be used with her, um, um, um, asthmatic inhaler.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- I thought you said she had spondylitis?- Yeah, she has health problems. I don't know!
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- Look, this is massive!- Well, no, it's free, it's on the prescription.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Hang on a minute, Jean has got two strapping sons -
0:04:32 > 0:04:34why are you getting her prescriptions?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Val, I simply... Look, she'll be here in 20 minutes.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I agreed to get her shopping and her prescription was with it. That's all!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43You're obviously signing for Jean's prescription!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Sorry, I'm finding all this a little bit creepy. Oh!
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Oh, for God's sake, Val!
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Oh, no, it's split! Oh, no, it actually does come apart.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Yeah.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56So, please, don't do the whole jealousy thing about a woman
0:04:56 > 0:04:59with no teeth, thanks very much!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I mean, give me that respect!
0:05:01 > 0:05:05I just thought, you know, must be nice to have more than one lady.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Oh, she's NOT my lady!
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Oh, Jesus Christ! We sound like a '70s person in a tuxedo
0:05:13 > 0:05:15and a ginormous bow tie.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Is this what she calls a weekly shop, then?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21A bottle of Malibu, 20 Embassy Regal and a lottery ticket?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23She's taking you for a ride, Rog!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- No!- And hang on!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28How much does the pay as you go top up mobile phone card cost?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Hey, hey, hey! I'm building bridges here.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I mean, fine, if I'd come in with some underwear
0:05:33 > 0:05:35for someone you don't know,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37but I've come in with a medical device for asthma.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Well, I don't know that you haven't bought knickers for Jean.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Have you? Because why are you bringing it up?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45You do know!
0:05:45 > 0:05:48You're just being mean, Val.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52And you're not mean, so don't be mean.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56And actually, I'm making sandwiches for you all.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Right, well then, thanks very much!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I've got something for you in my pocket.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Jesus Christ, Roger!
0:06:03 > 0:06:05No, no! See, everything's coming out wrong!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08That '70s tuxedo person's invading my being!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Oh, the Malibu!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13You've got presents for both your ladies.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I've already told you she's not...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19You're my only la... Oh! You're my wife.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Yep.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22And she's the mother of your son.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Well, so are you, Val.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Mmm.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30And now, as well as Liam, there's a grandson.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Yeah, Rhys.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Yeah, there's little Rhys.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And they'll be here in 20 minutes, Roger.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41And the first thing I'm going to do is say, "Hello, Jean,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"nice to meet you! Can we have some money for all the shopping
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- "my husband's done for you?" - Oh, that'll be a great start to it!
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Oh, and I got this!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55You can get them at the supermarket now.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Thank you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It's OK.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Oh, and Val...
0:07:11 > 0:07:15- What?- Oh, no, it's a nice thing!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, don't always think everything's awful.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Roger!
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Thank you.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29All I said is I'll do a tea.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Yeah, and I'm saying...
0:07:34 > 0:07:36thank you.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Roger, I-I don't...
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Right. Thank you.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Yeah, thanks very much. Thank you.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47No, you seem not quite sure. I'm not quite sure of your reaction!
0:07:47 > 0:07:51No, it's very, very nice. Thank you so much!
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I've had it engraved. I can't send it back!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Yeah, and it's not that I don't like the ring. It's a beautiful gift, it's just given...
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Unless I find another couple named Roger and Val who would buy it.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03..given at exactly the wrong time.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Oh!
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Right.- You know, an eternity ring. Tonight.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15This is the first time I'm going to meet Liam and Rhys and,
0:08:15 > 0:08:20you know, I just want party rings.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22You know, biscuits tonight.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Yeah, but you haven't seen what I've had engraved in it.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Well...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Roger, I can't... - It's our windscreen slogan
0:08:28 > 0:08:31from the honeymoon camper van.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36What, you've had "Roger and Val at it" engraved on that ring?
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Right, well, maybe just don't give it to me tonight, eh? Maybe?
0:08:41 > 0:08:46So, can you just take these away for me, Roger? Otherwise I'm going to scoff the lot!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49And do you think we should have some ham and cheese or just ham?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Val, you're going to have to spell this out for me.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53What am I supposed to do with this?
0:08:53 > 0:08:57Just not now, you know, when they're just about to all come.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05So, yeah, it's the... It's the timing, yes?
0:09:05 > 0:09:06And not the ring?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08So ham or cheese?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Or shall I just remove the offending article?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11- Roger?- Ham!
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Right, good, yep. Because we know, don't we, from Jean's shopping list
0:09:15 > 0:09:17that they're not vegetarians.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Granddad.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Oh!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49These were your mum's, you idiot!
0:11:52 > 0:11:55You'll ruin your keys doing that, Rog.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Yeah, I need scissors.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Oh.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27- There you go.- Thanks very much.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33So, any news from school?
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Yes, there is.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41All of Pam Bagnall's paperwork from 12 years of being
0:12:41 > 0:12:46the Head of History has been shoved into black bin liners in her garage.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50- Really?- Yeah. So when it comes to handing over to the new person,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53who happens to be Margaret Taylor, by the way...
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Do you know who I mean? With the underbite and camel coat - that's when it's come to light.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01So, Bagnall doesn't file. Fatal.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Yeah.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07She's been in with the Head all morning about it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Pam is very upset.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Yeah, whereas your filing, Val, at work is exemplary.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16Yeah, Roger, and this afternoon she made this rambling speech
0:13:16 > 0:13:18- at the staff meeting.- Yeah?
0:13:18 > 0:13:23Yeah. All about her family, where they go at New Year, her mother.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Oh, is that the drugs talking?
0:13:26 > 0:13:31I'd be very happy to provide the Head with the evidence that Pam Bagnall is addicted to Neurofen Plus.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32No, no, Rog, keep out of it,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34because it's got absolutely nothing to do with us.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38The woman sabotaged your Deputy Headship
0:13:38 > 0:13:40with the old salt and sugar mix-up!
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Well, we don't know that!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Right, well, carry on.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Well, it's very difficult to describe what happened.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49The Head introduced her,
0:13:49 > 0:13:51she said, "Please welcome the new Deputy Head."
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Oh, I can't stomach that!
0:13:53 > 0:13:57And then Pam stands up and then she puts her head down
0:13:57 > 0:13:59and she starts speaking in this really funny voice.
0:13:59 > 0:14:05- How do you mean?- Well, like really tense, like, "Once upon a time,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08"there was a little girl called Pamela Streeter."
0:14:08 > 0:14:12Oh, "who became Pam Bagnall, fairy-tale ending, Deputy Head."
0:14:12 > 0:14:17No, there's no fairy-tale ending, Roger, she's in with the Head now, isn't she?
0:14:17 > 0:14:23And then it's all about, you know, "Pamela loved history
0:14:23 > 0:14:26"and she went to university and she got a degree,
0:14:26 > 0:14:30"but all the time she could hear her mother's voice in her head
0:14:30 > 0:14:34"and her mother was a very disapproving, controlling person.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37"No, no, no, no, no!"
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Why's the mother going "No, no, no, no, no?"
0:14:39 > 0:14:41No, she isn't Roger.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44That's Pamela blocking out whatever her mother wants to say.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47It's Pamela saying "No, no, no." We never hear the mother.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Oh, I see so she's just blocking out... I'm with you, yeah, carry on.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54No, I don't think Pam even knows she's saying the "No, no, nos."
0:14:54 > 0:14:59And then her mind is suddenly fixated on New Year's Eve
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- and a hotel.- Right.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Um, she says, um,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07"I've sacrificed so much for this job!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11"New Year's Eve at Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa
0:15:11 > 0:15:12"where we always go -
0:15:12 > 0:15:15"to the expensive part, not just to the carvery!"
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- What was the rest of the staff doing at this point?- Shush, listen, Roger!
0:15:18 > 0:15:22And she says, "I think Mother was always happy at Purvis Hall
0:15:22 > 0:15:28"Country Hotel and Spa, she even smiled once, I think.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31"Mother, I've got the Deputy Headship.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33"No, no, no, no, no!"
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Oh, so she's blocking out the mother, whatever she says,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38on a fairly regular basis.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Yeah, well obviously, Roger, yes!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43And then Margaret Taylor jumped in and tried to pull her off,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46but she was having none of it and she came back with,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49"When Mother dies I'm going to sell all her jewellery
0:15:49 > 0:15:53"to those people who buy unwanted gold, because I don't want it.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56"And I'm going to book a whole weekend at Purvis Hall
0:15:56 > 0:15:59"Country Hotel and Spa and spend it on that!"
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Initial thoughts?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Call an ambulance.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Now, before she stood up to speak - and I'm pretty sure Pam
0:16:08 > 0:16:12didn't hear this - but Sue did lean over and say,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14"Would you like salt in your coffee?"
0:16:14 > 0:16:17And now Sue's worried that that might have set her off.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Oh, that's got nothing to do with it! Please, put Sue's mind at rest,
0:16:20 > 0:16:22she mustn't worry.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25But Roger, you weren't even there, stop trying to take over!
0:16:25 > 0:16:26You don't know!
0:16:26 > 0:16:30Well, I do know the finger of blame is pointing squarely at the mother
0:16:30 > 0:16:32and Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36We're talking about a family with love not for each other,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39but for Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa, which is no good.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41That gets you through nothing.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Mm.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45This Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa is possibly
0:16:45 > 0:16:50where Pam's interest in history began, unless it's a modern place.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I don't know anything about it, but the name suggests that it isn't.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Did the Head see all this?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Yes, she did.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01And she looked directly at me.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Right, well this is massive!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06What's the situation on the ground right now?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I don't know. She was in with the Head when I left.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10Right.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14Poor old Pam. Never thought I'd say those words!
0:17:14 > 0:17:19- Yeah.- But you may already be crowned in your absence!
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Right, oh, here we go! Woo-hoo-hoo!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Deputy Head, Deputy Head!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Roger!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Look, I don't want to dance on the grave of Pam Bagnall's
0:17:30 > 0:17:32brief time in office.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Well she might keep her job, you don't know!
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I am reminded of nothing more than that Pope that was murdered.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Do you remember him?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- No.- Yes, you do! Yeah, before John Paul II,
0:17:42 > 0:17:45in fact, he was John Paul I, but not for very long.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Pam hasn't been murdered Roger, we don't even know if she's resigned!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52The manner of exit isn't the corollary, it's the length of time in post.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54This guy was Pope for slightly longer than Bagnall,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57about a month. They brought him his breakfast one morning
0:17:57 > 0:17:59(and he was sitting in bed, dead.)
0:17:59 > 0:18:06Sorry, that is absolutely nothing to do with or like this!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08When the panel billowed out the white smoke
0:18:08 > 0:18:10and said, "Habemus Papam, it's Bagnall,"
0:18:10 > 0:18:14I for one wasn't clapping her onto the balcony at Southmore school.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Well, I tell you what Rog,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18if I go in on Monday and they offer it,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I'm just going to turn them down.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21- Great.- Flat.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Slam them the way they slammed me.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Yeah.- I'm going to say, "Thank you so much for your kind offer
0:18:27 > 0:18:32"all you Johnny-come-far-too-lately bunch of food-tech hating
0:18:32 > 0:18:35"wrong, wrong people. You got it wrong, you were wrong!"
0:18:35 > 0:18:40- Very wrong.- Yeah, and I really will say that, I really, really will!
0:18:40 > 0:18:41- Do.- Yeah, I will.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Actually, Roger, I'm just going to say "No."
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Flat. "No," like that.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- I'm not going to bother with the rest of it.- I wouldn't.- No, I won't.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54I'm just going to go, "You must be joking! No."
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- And then I'm going to turn round and walk out.- Hear, hear!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Do you think Rhys will like his present?
0:19:00 > 0:19:04I wouldn't have any expectations at all, Roger.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05No.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09It takes a very long time for small children to feel safe in a place.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- He'll probably burst into tears when he sees us!- Right!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Well, we're strange.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19And you're very tall, Roger, with dark eyebrows.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Yeah.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- Well, I still think it's a good present.- Hmm.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Well, ultimately, there's only two things you can do with a tent -
0:19:26 > 0:19:29go in or come out.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Right.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Well, I don't think tent tedium has set in when you're two.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Roger, you can't just dump those bags!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Come on, they'll be here in ten minutes!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42You've already wasted ten minutes that you didn't have
0:19:42 > 0:19:43putting up a Wendy house.
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Fine.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Oh, Roger! - SHE GROWLS
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- What?- When have you ever seen me buy a big lump of Wensleydale cheese?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Never.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Yeah, so, you know, why have you bought it?!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Oh, cos it's Jean's!
0:20:00 > 0:20:04No, it's not Jean's, it's mistakenly ours because I was in a hurry!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Yeah, well, I blame Jean for it.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10If you hadn't been rushing, you'd have had time to check it
0:20:10 > 0:20:12and seen that it wasn't mature cheddar.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16How you've mistaken it is beyond me because it's a completely different colour!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Right. Sorry.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23And it's got the word Wens-ley-dale on it.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Val!
0:20:24 > 0:20:27It does, though! Why have you made this mistake?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Maybe because it looks like Wendy house?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32No, because it looks like a lump of mature cheddar!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34No, but it doesn't, though!
0:20:34 > 0:20:39Right, but the size and the shape and the cheese packaging
0:20:39 > 0:20:41makes it look like mature cheddar, OK?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44No, because I would have seen the W!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I wouldn't have made this mistake, I really wouldn't!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Val, where is Wensleydale?
0:20:49 > 0:20:50I don't know!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Between Tuesleydale and Thursleydale!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Oh, is it(?)
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Listen, Val, either you do this or you don't.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I take you at your word.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04You said, "Invite them," and I bought a ring.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08Yep, I got it wrong. OK.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I love you, Val.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13And in that, there are going to be mistakes.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16But it's a gift!
0:21:16 > 0:21:20And yet, this whole visit is hinging on a lump of Wensleydale!
0:21:20 > 0:21:24The Wendy house is from Peter Pan, Roger,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27for lost boys who never grew up.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Well, I didn't know that. I mean, I had forgotten it, that's all.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35And you've walked down aisles in the supermarket I never go to.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I never go down the toys aisle.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Yes, and I want to walk down that aisle with you.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44I won't be able to come. And I don't think we can leave the Wendy house up.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- Val, please! - No, I'm taking it down.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48No I-I don't think we need to go that far!
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Yes, we do!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I'm not having it up in there.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I tell you what, Val, if you don't want to end up like one
0:21:54 > 0:21:56of those Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa people,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59you're going to have to like the people in your house,
0:21:59 > 0:22:01whatever way they get there!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- PHONE RINGS - Oh, that's someone's phone.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Yeah, that'll be Liam saying he can't come. Good news for you,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08you can take the Wendy house down!
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Val! It's the school! It's the school!
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Hello, Val's phone.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Oh, hello, Jan. Yes, I picked up because I saw it was the school.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19- (It's the Head!)- Shush!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Yes, she is, she is here, yes. I'll just pass you over to...
0:22:22 > 0:22:25N-N-Nice talking to you again.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Hello, Jan.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yes. Yes I did.
0:22:29 > 0:22:33Yes. Well, this Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa place
0:22:33 > 0:22:35seems to have been the key.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Yes, oh!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Right, well, Pam will have my every support.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41(Is she telling you...?)
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Yes, thank you Jan.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Of course, we'll speak on Monday.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Bye-bye.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Is she still in the job?
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Roger.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52That school has a Bagnall bias!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Pam Bagnall has taken early retirement.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- What?- And the head has asked me to consider the offer over the weekend.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Right, now the first thing we need to know...
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Sorry?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I've just been made Deputy Head.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Roger! Oh, my God, look at the time!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Jesus! Jesus Christ! Roger! Come on, come round.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13They'll be here any minute! Oh!
0:23:19 > 0:23:20ROGER MUTTERS
0:23:20 > 0:23:24No, no, no, stop it! Stop it, Roger, it's cheese to bring you round.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- W-W-What's happening? - You've fainted!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- W-W-What's that? - It's Wensleydale.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Oh, I don't like it! - No, we don't!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33ROGER GROANS
0:23:33 > 0:23:35What time is it?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I'm Deputy Head! Do you want an ambulance?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40No, no, I haven't eaten all day.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44- Oh!- Phil chaired the cuts meeting at lunchtime and, as you can imagine,
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I was the prominent voice of protest.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51Be careful, Rog, around Phil, since you got reinstated. You don't want to get sacked again.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Oh, no, it's fine, I've stopped calling him child of Thatcher.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Good, that's exactly the sort of thing I mean.- Yeah, yeah.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Now I call him Clegg.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I'm sorry I got it wrong.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Look, after they've gone, you still feel odd,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07I'll get you to casualty, all right?
0:24:07 > 0:24:12Oh, let's get real here - the only place I'll be heading is the fridge!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Where's that bottle of champagne?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16The one that we got from the tribunal. Stick it in there.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20No, I don't want champagne tonight.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Oh, for God's sake, Val!
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Everything I've tried.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29This is no easier for me, OK?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Where are you going?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Out of here. Somewhere pleasant with a garden.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34I won't take it down!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38No, you won't,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41as I return to my political roots and stage a sit-in!
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Oh!
0:24:45 > 0:24:47I said I won't!
0:24:47 > 0:24:51Yeah, but you won't drink the champagne tonight. You won't wear the ring.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Oh, what is the point of that?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57That is ridiculous behaviour, you're massive!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Yeah, well, I'll just sit. This is staying up
0:25:00 > 0:25:03and I'm just making sure.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Roger, I am trying!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11I have learnt a lesson from the Bagnalls -
0:25:11 > 0:25:15don't worship Purvis Hall Country Hotel and Spa. You're right.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Worship the people in your own house.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22Yes. People who get it wrong sometimes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Well..
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Come out! Come on, I won't take it down.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I don't believe you.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32# We shall overcome
0:25:32 > 0:25:36# We shall overcome
0:25:36 > 0:25:43# We shall overcome, someda-a-a-ay
0:25:43 > 0:25:48# Oh, deep in my heart... #
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Oh, that is absolutely gorgeous!
0:25:52 > 0:25:58# We shall overcome, some day. #
0:25:58 > 0:26:02Valerie Stevenson, I'm the new Deputy Head, how do you do?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Got my ring.
0:26:04 > 0:26:09# We'll walk hand-in-hand
0:26:09 > 0:26:13# We'll walk hand-in-hand
0:26:13 > 0:26:21# We'll walk hand-in-hand, Someda-a-a-ay. #
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Come on, come out.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Put this in for Rhys to play with while he's here.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Thank you.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Thank you, Val.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Have a couple of sandwiches now, Rog,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51if you haven't eaten. Just to tide you over.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10DOORBELL CHIMES
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- Val.- Rog.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14I'll get it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Hello, Rhys!
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Hello!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd