0:00:02 > 0:00:03This programme contains very strong language.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Morning, everyone. Welcome to your first day of law school.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07- I'm Ronny.- I'm Asher.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09law...is about conflict.
0:00:09 > 0:00:10SHE SCREAMS
0:00:10 > 0:00:14I want you to write 1,000 words on conflict resolution,
0:00:14 > 0:00:18based on my book, which is not available in book stores.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19I've got an idea.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23How about none of you get the book, and all of you fail?
0:00:23 > 0:00:27You like to wrap the old laughing gear around a couple of frothies?
0:00:27 > 0:00:28What?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30His family have won the drinking contest for three generations.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32I'll enter a team to play against you,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34and if we win, you give us the textbook.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36- You have a drinking team?- Yes.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41You guys have one hour to sober up.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Personally, I would recommend a kebab...
0:00:43 > 0:00:45..followed by a long vomit.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- What's your team name?- I don't know.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- Guys?- I don't give a fuck.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51I'll put that down for now, but you might want to workshop it.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Yesterday, I got off the plane
0:00:52 > 0:00:55really looking forward to studying in your country.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Now, today, to do an assignment
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I have to drink beer faster than a bunch of idiots.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Oh, go, you good thing!
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Are you sure you don't want to go hang out with your friends?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10I think I AM hanging out with my friend.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46So this is the front door...
0:01:50 > 0:01:51..and this is the rec room.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Hey, guys.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00This is the mahjong table...
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Pong!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Ho!
0:02:03 > 0:02:04ALL GROAN
0:02:04 > 0:02:05..and this is the bathroom...
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Oh, shit. Sorry, Joderick.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Ugh...
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Joderick? Like...John plus Derek?
0:02:13 > 0:02:17..and this is the kitchen - and that's International House.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Thanks for the tour. Is it OK that I'm here?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- Yeah, of course. - I just don't want to intrude.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24You're not intruding. You're my guest.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- DOOR BANGS - What the fuck is she doing here?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Hey, Elvin! Good to see you again.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Who give you permission to bring the guest?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32You think this is a hotel, huh?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I live here. I can bring whoever guests I want.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Why are you so scared of expanding our social circle?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37That's how it starts.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You let one tourist in, then they all start coming.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Next thing you know, you'll be colonised.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42What are you talking about?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44That's what happened in Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45You should know that.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- KNOCK AT DOOR - Hello?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Is that another one of your guests?!
0:02:49 > 0:02:50I don't know.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Can I help you?- Ah - Karen Ford. Student administrator.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Oh, hi, Karen.- This is Craig, the American International student
0:02:59 > 0:03:00who was supposed to be here last week.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02He won't be late again, will he?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04No, ma'am. Hey, guys.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Psyched to be down here in Australia.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07- It's going to be awesome.- Hey.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Can somebody show him around?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Do we get extra credit for it?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- No.- Then why I do?
0:03:13 > 0:03:17I'll show him around. It's always nice to meet new people.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18- Hey, I'm Ronny.- Craig Cooper.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- And I'm Asher.- Hey, how are you?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22OK. Craig's in room 310 -
0:03:22 > 0:03:25and, remember, keep it considerate in here, OK?
0:03:25 > 0:03:27OK. Will do. So, how are you one week late?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I know, right?!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Yeah. You should.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Man, I'm telling you,
0:03:35 > 0:03:37that flight was crazy long.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38- Take off your shoes! - Take off your shoes!
0:03:38 > 0:03:42You are practically shitting in the house right now.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45So, this is how you do things in the international frat, huh?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Yeah, it's not a frat. It's more like student accommodation.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Let me show you around. This is the front door.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53This is the rec room.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- This is the mahjong table... - Going for shi-san-yao!
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Nice!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- PLAYERS:- Ooh!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01..and this is the bathroom...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Oh, God dammit, Joderick, learn to close a door.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- Hey!- Hello.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- ..and this is the kitchen.- Wow.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Sweet digs. Hey!
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- ATTEMPTS AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:- This is not a knife, this is a knife!
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Am I right?- What the fuck are you talking about?
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Oh, what's this? Food?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- Is this communal? - That's not for sharing.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- I make that!- Oh, my God!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29You made this? Delicious.
0:04:29 > 0:04:30So light and flaky and...
0:04:30 > 0:04:32If I have a birthday, you're making the cake.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Stop touching my tarts!- Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, man.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Don't worry, Craig.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Some people are just unwelcoming.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- Let me show you to your room. - Sure thing.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Fucking colonists.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46So, what's the mix here at International House?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Any Brazilians? Russians?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Colombians, right?- Not exactly.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52What was that dessert I had?
0:04:52 > 0:04:54It was awesome.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Oh, that was an egg tart.- Yeah, yeah - but what was it made of?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Er...
0:04:58 > 0:04:59- Egg.- Yeah?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I did not know egg could taste like that.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Hope I wasn't pissing that guy off.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Oh, you probably were, but I wouldn't worry about it.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- Everyone does eventually.- Well, I mean, is there anything I can do?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10I don't want to rock the boat here.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12You could just try talking a little softer.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh, got it. Drop the decibels.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- Don't want to upset the frat. - Also, it's not a frat.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19310, right?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Right, this is you, man.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Nice!- Ow!
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Whew! So, this is where the magic happens - am I right?
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Are you...talking about sex?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33You're damn right I am. So...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36How many people do you think are going to come tonight?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- What? To your dick?- No!
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Here. To the party.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I didn't fly 8,000 miles just to study.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45OK, first of all, I don't know how far a mile is,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48and second of all, you cannot have a party here.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49It's against college rules.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Yeah, can you imagine? Elvin would lose it.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53OK, what if I have just a few guests?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Well, yeah. You can have a few guests.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Anyone who lives here can have guests.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Right, OK. I'll ask "a few guests".
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- Yeah, what does that mean? - You know...
0:06:01 > 0:06:03"Just a few guests". Definitely "not having a party".
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Yeah, you don't have to air quote that.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08You can have a few guests - but you cannot have a party.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I don't know how to make this any clearer.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I got you. No party.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I don't know why you're touching your nose, but I don't like it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Man, just having a few friends.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Not having a party in this place that's definitely not a frat.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Yes. There is no double meaning here.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23You cannot have a party -
0:06:23 > 0:06:25and no more than two guests.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29- I got it.- You say that, but I feel like you don't.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Man, totally hear you.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34MUSIC BLARES
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- Fuck!- Oh, my God! These egg tarts are awesome.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40You know, we should sell these for money!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Yeah, if there's a kitchen left to make them in.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I specifically told Craig not to have a party.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45It's not that bad.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47At least everyone's obeying the no shoes rule.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Yeah, sure. No shoes - but feel free to vomit in the rice cooker.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Come on! You always complain... - No, it's too loud.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- Turn it down, man.- ..about how insular international students are.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Now, you've got a bunch of outside guests here
0:06:59 > 0:07:01to experience your culture.
0:07:01 > 0:07:07- CRAIG CHANTS:- USA! USA! - ALL: USA! USA! USA! USA!
0:07:10 > 0:07:11- Craig...- Great party, bro!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- How good's this Shwang...ching lau? Shwang...?- Shaoxing cooking wine.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17You shouldn't drink it, it's very high alcohol content.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Oh, is it? Hey, what...what do you call these?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- They are delicious. - Those are Elvin's egg tarts.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- Alvin wag yah? Wag...? - Sure. Close enough.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I hope you asked him for permission before you ate them.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- ALL:- Chug! Chug! Chug!- Yo, Craig!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38See? I told you this would happen!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40You bring in one guest, next thing you know...
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Yeah, yeah. I know. Colonisation.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44They spoil our resource and corrupt our tradition -
0:07:44 > 0:07:45and someone steal all my egg tarts.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Who allowed Craig to bring all the guests, huh?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49OK, I'll go talk to him, all right?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Yo, Craig. I very clearly said no more than two guests.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- Do you not speak English, or something?- Ronny! No, no.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I can read between the lines, man. Back in my old frat...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00This isn't a frat!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03You've got to ask everyone to leave now.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07OK. I think I got a solution.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Everyone, hey! Hey!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- Check, one, two. - Everybody, listen up.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Uno momento.- Craig's got something important to say.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Shh!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22OK.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Now, it's coming to my attention that some people here
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- don't like the party... - CROWD BOOS
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- ..but some people do. - CROWD CHEERS
0:08:30 > 0:08:35I didn't fly 8,000 miles to not have good time.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Thanks, Joderick.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42OK. So, how about everyone who doesn't want to party
0:08:42 > 0:08:44go to the north side of the house, OK?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48And those who want to have a good time, come over here to the south.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49CROWD CHEERS
0:08:56 > 0:08:58See?! This is exactly what happened back home.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00They turned the South against North.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Craig, yo!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Craig! You've got to stop this party, man.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Look, nobody wants to stop the party, OK?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16If we do it too soon, it's going to cause instability in the house.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- What?!- So, I propose a gradual exit strategy.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I promise. There will be a full withdrawal by the morning.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25That sounds perfectly reasonable!
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Turn down for what?!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28MUSIC BLARES
0:09:28 > 0:09:29CROWD CHEERS
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Get off the raft!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Go back to where you come from!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40No! You're not...
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Stay... Stay in the South!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Ngh!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Good job on showing Craig around.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51What do you say, huh?
0:09:51 > 0:09:52"Welcome to International House.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56- "Feel free to fucking destroy it." - How is this my fault?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Whoo! Awesome night.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Ronny! Thanks for letting me ask a few guests over, man.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01It was more than a few guests.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Yeah. You think?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh, and don't worry about these guys on the floor here.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I just thought it would be easier for them to stay
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- than go home before the party. - You mean after the party?
0:10:11 > 0:10:12No, before the actual party.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14That thing last night? It was just a pre-party.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16The real party's tonight.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18You colonise us - and you let this happen.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20No, no, no, no, no. It's not colonisation.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It's globalisation.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Cross-cultural exchange at its best, man.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27No, no, this American cultural imperialism -
0:10:27 > 0:10:28and we taking our independence back.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32- Wait, are you guys kicking me out? - Yes.- Whoa. I'm sorry.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot, OK?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Was it that egg tart thing? - It's the whole thing.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Come on. Just look me in the eye
0:10:38 > 0:10:40and tell me you didn't have a good time last night.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- We had a terrible time last night. - We didn't have a good time.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44- It was awful.- It was OK.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Listen, man, after flying 8,000 miles,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54wouldn't you rather go to a place that not only accepts your partying
0:10:54 > 0:10:55but, like, celebrates it?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Some place you can be as loud and as disgusting as you want.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Where would I go?
0:10:59 > 0:11:05- COUGHS:- Morning. Sick parties, brah! Whoo!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07I don't know. Maybe stay with Mick.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Wha...?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Oh, yeah. There's heaps of room at Bradman House.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It's rad fun. Party never stops.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16There's a party tonight...
0:11:16 > 0:11:20..but be warned - this is Australia, mate.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21We go hard.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Dude, I go super-hard.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25We go rock-hard, mate.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Like a diamond on Viagra hard.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Oh, yeah?- Yeah.- I go so hard,
0:11:29 > 0:11:34if I was in a car crash my dick would survive intact, still hard.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Then you could use my dick to cut the other survivors
0:11:36 > 0:11:40- out of the wreckage. - OK. That's pretty hard.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43OK, you're both really hard.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Just grab yourselves by the dicks and get out.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53MAN GROANS
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Get out.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Goddamn, they everywhere.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- DOOR BANGS - Hello?- No more guests!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Yeah, the party's o...
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Shit.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Mrs...Fern?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Ford.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Karen Ford.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Do you have any idea how many university conduct guidelines
0:12:16 > 0:12:18your little party violated last night?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Yeah, about that. So, that international...- Ten.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Ten violations.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Unauthorised, sick bitchin', totally lit parties
0:12:24 > 0:12:28are a violation of your college occupancy agreements -
0:12:28 > 0:12:30and they're extremely inconsiderate to other students.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I couldn't agree more.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33It was incredibly inconsiderate
0:12:33 > 0:12:37for that American student you brought here yesterday
0:12:37 > 0:12:40to organise this party without our permission.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42You mean Craig?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Yeah. He's the one who's 100% responsible for this.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Actually, Ronny let him have the party.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48I said he could have two guests!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Two guests? That's how parties start!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52That's what I say. That's what I say.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54So where is Craig?
0:12:54 > 0:12:58Oh, yeah. He went with this guy, Mick - he's got, like, no sleeves...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Oh, I see.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Easy to blame the person who's not here to defend themselves.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Actually, it's easy to blame the person
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- who's totally responsible for something, yes.- Whatever it is,
0:13:08 > 0:13:10you can explain the whole thing
0:13:10 > 0:13:11to the student conduct board.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Oh! But we the victim of colonisation.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Anyone who is in my line of vision right now,
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I want to see you at the conduct board tomorrow, 1pm.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Too late, I saw you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Yeah, but what about Craig?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Well, bring Craig along to the hearing
0:13:24 > 0:13:26and then we will get to the bottom of this.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29OK. We'll bring Craig and you can talk to him yourself.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30We've got nothing to hide.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Argh!- Aah!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37See? Nothing to hide.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I think I've broken my clavicle.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Good!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Oh, hey.- Hey.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54That party was crazy.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- How's the clean-up? - We keep finding people in cracks.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Yo, Craig got us in a lot of trouble with that party last night.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02- Have you seen him?- No.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03PHONE VIBRATES
0:14:03 > 0:14:04I don't think he's here.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Oh, boy.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Hey, Mom.- Hi, Ronny!
0:14:17 > 0:14:18- Where are you? - I'm in class right now, actually.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Are you spending all your time playing video games and partying?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- No.- Some people just don't know how to behave themselves, lah,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26when they move away from home for the first time.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Yeah, I think I'm old enough to have self discipline, OK, Mom?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Remember when you were little and we went to Disneyland?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33You liked it so much you refused to leave.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Yeah - you slapped the shit out of me in front of everyone.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37It hurt me more than it hurt you - but it worked.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40You can't solve every problem with a child by beating the shit out of it.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42You say that now, lah - wait till you have kids of your own.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- I'm never going to do that to my kids.- You have kids?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47When? What did I tell you about pregnancy?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't get pregnant through the ass, right?
0:14:50 > 0:14:51- So don't worry about it.- What?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- I gotta go, OK? Love you, bye. - What are you talking about?
0:14:54 > 0:14:55- Right, bye, love, bye...- Ronny! - Don't you dare.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- Where...?- Is that true?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Oh, yeah, I saw a movie about it once.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00There's no ovaries in the anus.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02No, about your mum slapping you.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06With Chinese people you get in trouble for NOT beating your kids.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Morning, everybody.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12Property law. More specifically, forced eviction.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17Now, they say a man's home is his castle -
0:15:17 > 0:15:19but what happens if a man comes home
0:15:19 > 0:15:22and finds all of the locks on his castle
0:15:22 > 0:15:24have been changed in his absence,
0:15:24 > 0:15:29all of his possessions are strewn across the front lawn
0:15:29 > 0:15:35in some sort of statement of finality by his soon-to-be ex-wife?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Am I then legally entitled...
0:15:38 > 0:15:40..to scale the perimeter of my castle?
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Well, am I?
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Um...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Er...
0:15:48 > 0:15:49No?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52And that was the opinion of the police.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Last night.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00So, where's Craig, huh? The hearing's at one o'clock.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02He must be at Bradman house.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03- So where's Bradman house? - Must be on campus.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- We'll just go to colleges and figure it out.- It's not on campus.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- What?- It's a share house on Drummond Street,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14filled with degenerate students who have been kicked out of colleges
0:16:14 > 0:16:19for waging a constant war against hygiene and sobriety.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Why are you looking for that place?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Oh, we had an American international student
0:16:24 > 0:16:26who turned our college into a frat party, so we sent him there.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29You ever set fire to a giant pile of tyres?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Er, no. Not lately.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34The rubber...
0:16:34 > 0:16:35..fuels the fire,
0:16:35 > 0:16:39it sucks in all the pure oxygen from around
0:16:39 > 0:16:43and belches out poisonous smoke that kills everything that comes near it.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46That's Bradman house.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48OK, that's cool, but I actually really need those notes.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Sending a bloody American frat boy
0:16:50 > 0:16:53to live with a lot of hard drinking Australians -
0:16:53 > 0:16:57that's like pouring kerosene onto a tyre fire.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59WHOOMPH!
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- Should someone be putting that out?- No.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07- Let it burn. - BELL RINGS
0:17:07 > 0:17:08ALL COUGH
0:17:09 > 0:17:11All right, I'm going to go get Craig.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Who's with?- I'll come. I can handle hard-drinking Australians.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I'll come too. I think you need the backup.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not going anywhere near there -
0:17:19 > 0:17:21but tell him I want my egg tarts back.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Yo, just make some new ones, man.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Do I look like a fucking bakery?
0:17:24 > 0:17:26PARTYING INSIDE
0:17:32 > 0:17:36OK. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that's Bradman house.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Are you eating egg tarts?
0:17:37 > 0:17:39I'm sorry, I didn't have lunch.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Do you have any more?- Yeah.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- They are amazing.- I know!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48What does he put in them?
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Eggs, it's just eggs.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Try some.- No, let's go.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think my mom was right.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00This is what happens when you live without self-discipline
0:18:00 > 0:18:02and no-one tells you when to stop.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Well, hey, man, come on in. Welcome to the party!
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Welcome, welcome.- Hey, Mick.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- Is everyone OK here?- OK?!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Everyone's great, man.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17This is the sickest party ever.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19OK, whatever. Please don't tag me on Facebook.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25It's not Facebook. It's Snapchat.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26It's in the now.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Snapchat's the now.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31It's here one minute and then it's gone, you know?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34It's living in the present.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37No future. No past.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Only the now. Know what I'm saying?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Sure. We're all here for Craig.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Oh, no, no, no, no. He's our guest, man.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Don't you understand? - Yeah, I know what guests are.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50They're great - but guests eventually leave.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54No, no, no. Craig's different, man.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56He's a genius.
0:18:56 > 0:19:02He combined beer pong, keg stands and boat races, man.
0:19:02 > 0:19:08He figured out USA and AUS use the same letters, man!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12We're the same, man!
0:19:12 > 0:19:14We're the same.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17OK, where is he?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20- I don't know.- Is he in here?
0:19:20 > 0:19:22He's not going anywhere, man.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- Look, I just need to speak to him. - I said...
0:19:24 > 0:19:26..he's not going anywhere.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Hang on a minute.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Is that an...
0:19:34 > 0:19:36..euuug duart?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Can I have a bite? They're delicious.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40I'm so hungry...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Wait, Wei Jun, how many egg tarts do you have?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I don't know. Just a couple.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Whoa!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48You're the one who took all of Elvin's egg tarts?
0:19:48 > 0:19:53I'm sorry! I only meant to take one, but they're so light and fluffy.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I couldn't stop myself.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00All right, everybody listen up.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Hey, everybody, yo.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Listen up, everyone.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Hey! I have a bag of egg tarts.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11- ALL MURMUR - What?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15All right, fine.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Euuug duarts.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19THEY GASP
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I don't want any of you, I just want the American.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30He's inside. Last room on the left.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36All right, let's go, this ain't going to last long. Come on.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Guys, come on.- Oh...
0:20:39 > 0:20:42We'll hang here and hand them out. Mm!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Craig?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Hey, Craig.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04You in here?
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Craig?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Craig?
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Craig?!
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Craig, is that you?
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- Where are you from? - It's Ronny from International House.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25I lived there once.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Yeah, yesterday.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Remember, you had a party there that almost destroyed the place
0:21:30 > 0:21:32after you specifically told me you would not do that!
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- What do you want?- Listen, we all got into a lot of trouble
0:21:37 > 0:21:38because of that party,
0:21:38 > 0:21:40so we need you to come with us now to clear our names.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43Why would I leave this place?
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Everyone's having such a good time.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50That's all I want. For people to always have a good time.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Yeah, but are you... still having a good time, Craig?
0:21:56 > 0:21:57I always have a good time.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02All right. Listen, you can't only have good times, OK?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04You also need bad times.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05If you just have good times,
0:22:05 > 0:22:07how will you even know you're having a good time?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08It'll just become the same time.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Right? Let's go. - I don't want to leave.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13The party isn't over.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Craig, let's go, right now.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20No.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22What are you going to do about it?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Something my mom would have done a long time ago.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Oh, no!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Agh!
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Oh, the horror! The horror!
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- Oh!- Ronny, stop!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Violence is never the answer.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36OK, look, I know this looks bad,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40but sometimes controlled violence with good intentions is the answer.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Wait, wait!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47- I know that smell.- Yeah!
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Remember? Egg tarts.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Do you want some?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54So exotically delicious!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Do you have any more?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Yeah. There's a lot more where that came from.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Just come with us.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05What are these egg tarts made from again?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Egg, egg, egg!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14It's...egg...you... mother...fucker...
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Craig Cooper, did you hold a party at International House
0:23:20 > 0:23:24that violated rules regarding public indecency, vandalism,
0:23:24 > 0:23:25environmental pollution,
0:23:25 > 0:23:29noise pollution and ethical treatment of animals?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- That sounds about right.- OK.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33These are very serious offences.
0:23:34 > 0:23:35As punishment...
0:23:38 > 0:23:41..I give you one official warning.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Three warnings and you could face
0:23:43 > 0:23:45the student disciplinary action board.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47So what you're saying is I could have one more party
0:23:47 > 0:23:49before I get three strikes?
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Yes.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56- Awesome!- OK, the rest of you, you're in the clear.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- Oh!- Thank you.- OK, very good.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Thank you very much.- Craig, you may return to International House.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Don't cause any more trouble there. - Oh, don't worry, he won't,
0:24:03 > 0:24:04because we kick him out.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10- What do you mean?- We all agree he have to go because he too American.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14You do realise you have absolutely no authority to do that?
0:24:14 > 0:24:15In fact...
0:24:16 > 0:24:19..that constitutes a level three ethnic discrimination violation.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22The penalty of which...
0:24:22 > 0:24:24..is one official warning to all of you.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- WEI JUN:- What? No! - But my record was spotless!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Oh, that's it?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32That actually sounded like a pretty serious charge.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Phew!- Well... Looks like I'm back.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Totally my bad for culturally colonising you guys.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41You're right. I didn't fly 8,000 miles just to do American things.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44You mean you didn't fly 12,000 kilometres
0:24:44 > 0:24:45just to do American things.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Yeah. Stop being so American!
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Hang on. Didn't you guys come all the way to Australia from Asia
0:24:51 > 0:24:53and just live exactly like you do back home?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- No.- What? No! We experience Australian culture!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I am spending so much more time in the sun now.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Look at my tan!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Yeah, OK.- Just on that,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05what is the maximum number of guests I can invite to International House?
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Zero! This whole thing proved
0:25:06 > 0:25:08we can't just open up International House
0:25:08 > 0:25:10for whatever guests come in,
0:25:10 > 0:25:13because they start flooding in and destroy our way of life.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16From now on, we need extreme vetting for every guest that comes in.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19OK, OK. So what I'm hearing is two guests each.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21No, man. No more guests.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22All right, I got you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24No, there's no nonverbal communication here.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25No guests. No parties.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Nothing.- Ronny, Ronny, I totally hear you, man.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Don't touch your nose! No! Zero! Are you kidding me?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33We just went through a fucking thing cos you wouldn't listen.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34- What about a small gathering?- No!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36A quiet soiree?
0:25:36 > 0:25:37Craig, I swear to God...