0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:25 > 0:00:28And almost finished the last question here.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30And I'm pretty much done too.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33I just have to compile the bibliography.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35For the first time ever, it looks like we're going to finish early!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37A whole day, in fact!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Even more amazing, the fact that you got it done on that!
0:00:42 > 0:00:44What? It's retro vintage.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46You can't say it like it's cool.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Just because it's old doesn't mean it's cool.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Like, I don't know, apartheid is old.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Doesn't make that cool.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Well, not all of us can afford the latest gadgets.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55I paid for this with my own money.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56I'm just saying, I have an abacus
0:00:56 > 0:00:58that has more computing power than that.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Anyway, I'm done.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Let me just save...
0:01:02 > 0:01:04And make a backup.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09What...the hell is that?!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Free software. It came with the computer.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13There's a bunch of old games here too.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Squirt Bird. Turtle Stomp.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Crab Friends. Mr Bread.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Wait, hang on. Is that...? Is that Lizard Quest?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26First-edition labelling as well.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28See? Told you it was cool.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29This is a classic.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Whoopee?- You've never played this before?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- No.- All right, let me show you.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- You got to see this.- Well, hang on. Should I back up my work first?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41You've already saved, right? Yeah, backing up's for amateurs.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46INTRO MUSIC PLAYS So, what's this about?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49OK, it's this really cool old-school adventure game, right?
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Where you complete quests.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52So, for example, right now, you want the magic key,
0:01:52 > 0:01:54so you've got to go get the gemstone from the wizard
0:01:54 > 0:01:56and then put the gemstone into the statue,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59and then it turns around, reveals the secret dagger. Then we...
0:01:59 > 0:02:02All you're doing is collecting stuff and bringing it back to someone.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03No, it's fun. Look.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05See? I just got the magic worm.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Can I please back up my stuff now?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12COMPUTER WHIRS
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Wait, what's happened?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Uh-oh.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18"Uh-oh"? "Uh-oh" what?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21What? Is that part of the game?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23You have been impregnated by the sperm virus.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!- Oh, shit. It's some kind of weird old virus.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- Ha, ha, ha...- Are you kidding me?! - Wait, hang on. I can fix this.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Please don't wreck anything. This take-home exam is due tomorrow.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- I'm not going to wreck it! - Well, you already did.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38This isn't my fault. This is, like, an old computer.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40The virus was probably dormant inside it,
0:02:40 > 0:02:41like bacteria in the Arctic.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Are you sure you know what you're doing?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Actually, believe it or not, I'm actually pretty good at computers.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47OK, then.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Trust me, I'll have this fixed in no time.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Ha, ha, ha, ha...
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Sperm, sperm!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Sperm, sperm.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- Yep, yep!- Sperm, sperm, sperm, sperm...- Yep!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Yes! Yes! Fuck!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Huh? What? Is it fixed?- No.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Not yet, I'm working on it.- Ronny!
0:03:39 > 0:03:42The take-home exam is due at 5pm today!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I know. I can fix this. I promise. I just need a little bit more time.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Look, I might try and get an extension,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49just in case I have to start again from scratch.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50OK, but you're wasting your time!
0:03:50 > 0:03:52I'll have this fixed within the hour!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55You have been impregnated by the sperm virus...
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Shut up!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What department do you want to speak to?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Oh. Uh, my computer broke, so my assignment got deleted.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27What department do you want to speak to?
0:04:27 > 0:04:28I'm having trouble with my computer.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Late payment of fees, termination of enrolment,
0:04:31 > 0:04:32special consideration?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I just need an extension for my take-home exam.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37So, you want to apply for special consideration?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Yes, I think.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40My computer got this virus.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- Student name?- Asher Angus.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Reason for special consideration?
0:04:49 > 0:04:53My computer got a virus, so I can't access my assignment.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Computer problems are not a valid excuse for extension.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58It's your responsibility to back up your own data.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh, no, you don't understand. It wasn't my fault. The computer...
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Computer problems are not a valid excuse for extension.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06It's your responsibility to back up your own data.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08But I was backing it up when it broke.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Computer problems are not a valid excuse for...- OK!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13So, what would be a valid excuse?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Medical issue. Death in the family.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Military service. Jury duty. Relationship breakdown.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Yep. That. I just got out of a bad break-up and,
0:05:28 > 0:05:31uh, it really distracted me from doing my work.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I'm sorry to hear that. What was the reason for the break-up?
0:05:35 > 0:05:40He, uh. Well, we um...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Sexually. Yeah, there were sexual problems.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Just unable to connect in a sexual way.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Also, he cheated on me.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Many couples experience sexual incompatibility and infidelity.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- It's not your fault.- Thank you.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58So, is that it?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04You'll now need to provide proof of the relationship and break-up.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06So, like, photos of my boyfriend... Sorry, ex-boyfriend?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- Photos, letters, e-mails. All accepted.- OK!
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I'll be right back.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Sorry, what time were you open till?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24What department did you want to speak to?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Are you serious?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37You have been impregnated by the sperm virus.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Hey, guy. What's going on?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Not now, Joderick! I'm trying to fix a computer!
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Oh. Have you tried, uh, rebooting it in safe mode?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Yeah, of course! I think it's a virus.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Or tried the AVG AntiVirus?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53No. I can't even get to a command line to run it.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Have you tried removing the hard drive and then accessing it from...?
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Yes! It doesn't show up!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Well, if you're stuck... - I'm not stuck. I'm still fixing it.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Look, I know you don't want to hear this,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04but maybe you should go down to the basement.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- No!- To the never-ending LAN party.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- No!- Trojan Wang or one of the computer guys can fix this.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Those guys aren't computer experts.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13They're just a bunch of gaming trolls.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14And that place always smells like
0:07:14 > 0:07:17someone's shitting and vomiting at the same time.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Well, if you want it fixed quick, it's worth a shot.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Otherwise, go get some professional help from the,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24uh, campus computer shop.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25No! I can fix this!
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- OK.- You have been impregnated by the sperm virus.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Ha, ha, ha...
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Take it! Yeah! You are going!
0:07:44 > 0:07:49- Take it hard!- Whoo!- Yeah! Suck my dick! Yes!- Whoo!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Hey, guys? Uh, I need some help here.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Oh, Ronny. You back for another spanking, huh?
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Would you like to be spanked, huh?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Bad boy need to get a spanking?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Whoo!- Misbehaving, huh?
0:08:02 > 0:08:06No, I need...some help with a computer problem.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09That's cos you're a fuckin' noob and need help getting good!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- Get good!- Get good! Get good! Get good!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Get good! Get good!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Yeah, OK! I'm a noob! I need help getting good!
0:08:16 > 0:08:17I suck! You guys rock!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20I'm at the mercy of your incredible microtwit skills.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I will straight up pay cash money
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- to anyone who can help me fix this computer.- What is that, man?!
0:08:25 > 0:08:27I've got a 386 at home.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30It can't even run Alley Cat and it's smaller than that piece of crap.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I see your problem, Ronny. That's a shitty rig!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Yeah, OK. The computer sucks.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Whatever. It's not mine. It's my friend's, OK?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- She's got a really important take-home exam on it.- Ooh!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- And we're just trying to get it out. - Ooh!- A girl, eh? Huh?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44You want to get that ass, Ronny, huh?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- That pussy?- You want to be on that ass?- Dirty boy, Ronny!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Smack that ass?- She's just a friend.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- I'm just trying to help her out. - Man, you need to get red-pilled.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Stop being a cuck, man.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You ain't never getting out of the friend zone.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57OK, I'm in the friend zone! Whatever!
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Can you fix this computer or not?
0:09:00 > 0:09:04You have been impregnated by the sperm virus.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Ha, ha, ha, ha... - This is the sperm virus, man!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- Yeah?- It's a classic! Sperm!
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Why would you want to get rid of that?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. - Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- OK, thanks for your help. - Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22THEY SCREAM
0:09:22 > 0:09:26Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm! Sperm!
0:09:32 > 0:09:34So, did they help?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36No! And they're terrible people.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- You need a data recovery guy. - Those guys are even worse.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41They're just rude, condescending idiots
0:09:41 > 0:09:43who treat people who ask for help like shit.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Plus, half the time, they don't even do anything.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48They just charge people to find out they can't solve anything.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Bunch of goddamn mouth-breathing snake oil salesman.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Hey, Ronny. Did you get my computer fixed?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Not yet, but I'm working on it.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Well, seeing as you broke it, I need a small favour.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Well, I didn't break it, but I will fix it.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01But if you don't, I need an extension by 5pm,
0:10:01 > 0:10:05so you have to pretend to be my boyfriend in a couple of photos.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06What? Why?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Apparently the student admin doesn't give extensions
0:10:08 > 0:10:11for actual problems, so you have to make one up.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- OK. That doesn't make any sense. - I know.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Now, smile in this photo while I kiss you on the cheek.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19OK. And one more.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20We're a couple and we're in love.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25And this will get you an extension?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Hopefully, but if not, you'll have my computer fixed, right?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Yeah, yeah. Totally. I got your back!
0:10:32 > 0:10:35You have been impregnated by the sperm virus.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Hey, Joderick, what was the name of that campus computer shop?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Don't give me that sass!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I can't accept these.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57What do you mean you can't accept these?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59They prove I was in a relationship.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02They don't prove anything. It's just photos of you and a man.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Anyone could stand next to a man and take his photo.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- But I'm kissing him!- On the cheek.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08What difference does it make?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Section 12A of the code regarding extension
0:11:11 > 0:11:13on the grounds of relationship breakdown
0:11:13 > 0:11:16requires photographic evidence, eg open-lipped kiss on the mouth.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- That's actually written down in the official rules?- Yes.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23You must bring me an image of you and your ex-partner
0:11:23 > 0:11:24kissing with open mouths.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32OK, so, if I bring you a photo of us kissing with open mouths,
0:11:32 > 0:11:34would that work?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- Yes.- That's all I need?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52- Yes.- Great.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Do you need to see tongue?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Can't hurt.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12This side here, with all the colours, all the lights,
0:12:12 > 0:12:16pictures, all that, that's the side you've got to worry about, OK?
0:12:16 > 0:12:20This side here, the side with nothing, that's just the back.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21You just forget about that side.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- Hi.- What do you want?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Uh, I got a problem with this computer.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Obviously. Why else would you be here? What's the actual problem?
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- Um, I need to recover a very important file from it.- Ugh!
0:12:37 > 0:12:38That's a pretty old machine, man.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Yeah, it is.- You really should have backed up your data.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Yeah, well, I didn't, so let's just move on to the next step, yeah?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Why didn't it happen?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50OK, uh, not that it's relevant to the job, but, uh,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I was in the middle of backing it up when we got hit by a virus
0:12:52 > 0:12:54that took out the whole operating system.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56So, if you could just recover this really important file,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- that'd be great, thank you.- Hmm...
0:12:58 > 0:12:59How do you know it was a virus?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02How do you know it wasn't just a hardware failure?
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Because I'm pretty good with computers.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Well, if you were, you wouldn't really be here, you know?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Well, I don't really need a lecture right now.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I just kind of need you to do your job.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13So, can you get this file out or not?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Ehhhhhh... Have you even tried restarting?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Restart? That's what you're going to go with?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Yeah, obv. Yes, I've tried restarting it, of course.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23I'm not like someone's grandparent, OK?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Well, your computer's as old as someone's grandparent.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27It's not my computer. It's my friend's.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I'm just helping her recover a very important file
0:13:29 > 0:13:31that we need really urgently by today.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33OK, I see what's going on.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35You've got a friend who's a girl.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38You're trying to help her fix her computer.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You're hoping you're going to you're going to cop a root? Eh?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44What, do you think you're going to get some ass?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Ah.- Listen, man. How about this?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51How about I pay you money and you shut the fuck up
0:13:51 > 0:13:52and do your job? How about that?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Is that crazy or...?- Yeah, OK. How about this, actually?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58If you're going to be really rude, if you're going to be a dick,
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- I've just got you on film, so... - Film me, then.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01I'm being a dick? You're the dick!
0:14:01 > 0:14:04You're the one charging people to fix their computers
0:14:04 > 0:14:06when all they need is, like, malware removal or defragmentation.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Meanwhile, I come in with an actual computer problem, and guess what?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- You can't do shit! You can't do shit.- I can do shit!
0:14:12 > 0:14:13You can't do shit!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16If you were any good at computers, you'd be working at Google.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18But you're here because you can't do shit!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Yeah, well, keep yammering on.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Oh, this is going straight on YouTube.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Fine. Put it on YouTube, man.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- If you're going to film it, I'm going to film you.- Well, cool!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28- You're filming me, I'm filming you! I'll film you filming me!- Right.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Well, I'm going to film you, then.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Everyone can see what shitty customer service looks like.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Cool, I'm filming you and everyone can see what shitty customer...
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- ..looks like.- Great. You know what?
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- I'm just going to film you for eternity, then.- That's fine.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41We'll keep filming each other for eternity. Fine by me.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Fine by me, man. I just uploaded all my photos,
0:14:43 > 0:14:44so I've got 64 gigs in this bitch!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47That's 10,000 hours of theoretical filming time!
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Ohh, as if, mate!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Your battery's going to run out way before then!
0:14:50 > 0:14:53I've got a charger. I can charge my phone, I'm good to go!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Yeah, well, lend me one of your chargers.- No!- Damn it!
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Ronny?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Ronny?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Joderick, do you know where he is?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- No idea.- Shit!
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- What time is it?- Oh. It's, like, uh, 4pm.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26God. I need this extension processed by 5pm or I'm screwed.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Hey, mate.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I've got a huge favour to ask.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54OK, so I'm just trying to get a photo of me kissing Ronny
0:15:54 > 0:15:56so it looks like we used to go out, but he's not here,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58so can you please pretend to be Ronny in this photo?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Yeah, sure. If I have to. - Great. Thanks.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Mmm!
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Oh, OK. Great. Perfect. Thanks, mate.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- Oh, hey!- Hey.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Is he...?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Are you dressed like me?- Yes.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I needed to get some more proof that you and me used to date,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28so I was looking for you to get some photos of us open-mouth kissing
0:16:28 > 0:16:31or whatever, but you weren't around, so I just got Joderick to do it.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Oh, yeah, cool.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Well, I'm available now if you need more photos
0:16:36 > 0:16:38or something for accuracy or science.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40No, I need to get that extension by 5pm.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- How's the computer going? - Yeah, um, about that. Actually...
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Great! See you when I get that extension!
0:16:50 > 0:16:51Huh!
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Yes, I can accept this as proof of relationship.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Thank you! Finally!
0:17:14 > 0:17:17So, now, can you please, please process my extension?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20Sure. All I need is proof of the break-up.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22- What?- All I need is proof of the break-up.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24What? You said this was all I need.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I said that was all you need to prove the relationship.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Now you need to prove the break-up.
0:17:28 > 0:17:34OK, can you please, please, please tell me exactly, 100%,
0:17:34 > 0:17:36everything you need from me to get this done?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- A divorce certificate.- What? But I wasn't married.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Or your ex-partner can come in to corroborate.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43- That's insane.- It's not insane.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46It's the procedure listed under Section 13B.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50So, you want me to bring the person I had such a bad break-up with
0:17:50 > 0:17:53that I'm now claiming psychological distress over
0:17:53 > 0:17:55in here to talk about how bad our break-up was?
0:17:55 > 0:17:57It's what the procedure requires.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I actually hate you.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02You'd be surprised how often people say that.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Would I? I bet it's a lot.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Yeah. It's a lot.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- MOBILE RINGS Hello? Asher?- Ronny.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Asher, I've got something to tell you.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- Me first, me first.- No, listen. I couldn't fix the computer.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- I've tried everything.- It's OK. - No. It's not OK.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29The whole time, I ask you to trust me I could do it,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31and I couldn't do it, and now it's almost 5pm
0:18:31 > 0:18:33- and you're going to be late. - Ronny, shut up for a second.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I can write the whole thing from memory again,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37but I need an extension, and I only have five minutes to get it.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Just start running towards the admin office and I'll explain.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- What?- Ronny, just start running. - OK, great.- I'm coming to get you.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- No, turn around. I'll meet you there.- OK, OK.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46When you get to the admin building,
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I need you to say that you're my ex-boyfriend
0:18:49 > 0:18:51and that you had sexual problems and you cheated on me
0:18:51 > 0:18:53and we had a very bad break-up.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- What?!- That's what you need to say for me to get the extension.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57OK, but what kind of sexual problems?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- It doesn't even matter.- No, what are we talking about here?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I wouldn't even know how to lie about that
0:19:02 > 0:19:04because I've never had sexual problems.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- In fact, I've only had the opposite. - I don't know!
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Just say your dick bleeds when you get hard.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- What the fuck?- It's a rare genetic disorder.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Oh, OK, then what about the cheating?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14- What about it?- I don't know. What are the deets? What was her name?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17How long was I cheating for? How did you find out?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19This isn't The Wire. Just make something up!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22All right, fine, but I broke up with you and you like the dick bleeding.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- OK, I'm here.- Thank you so much!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I mean...you bastard!
0:19:31 > 0:19:33I never want to see you again!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Agh!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Ah!- Here he is! My ex.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Yeah. I'm Ronny. I'm her ex-boyfriend.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I know you from somewhere.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Yeah, International House. We've met several times.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- No, somewhere else.- OK, whatever. I'm her ex-boyfriend.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51We broke up. We're both very upset about it.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Oh, shit! It affected her ability to do the assignment.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Can you please give her an extension?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00There. You have confirmation.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Is it done?- OK, if you are her ex-boyfriend,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06you should be able to answer the questions on this form.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- OK, sure, whatever. - How long were you together?
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Uh... Uh, two years.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- And when did you break up? - Last week.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Why?
0:20:16 > 0:20:22Oh, yeah, uh, bleeding dick, and I cheated on her a lot with it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27And last question, why did you fall in love with her?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- Why did I fall in love with her? - Yes.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30If you were in a relationship,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32you should be able to answer that question.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Just tell her.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37- What?- Yes, tell me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45OK. I fell in love with her because she's a wonderful person.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49And I, I love how she's always helping everyone around her.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Not because she wants something out of it, but just because she cares.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54And I love how positive she is.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Like, even when I'm freaking out and everything is terrible,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59she just makes everything OK.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02And I even love how bad she is with technology.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Your computer's so shitty.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07And that's cute. That's super cute.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11And I love how when I first met you, it was like meeting an old friend.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15And I love how she never made me feel like I didn't belong
0:21:15 > 0:21:16or that I was different.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19And I, I just fell in love with everything about her.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22OK?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Wow.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29It seems like you really care for each other.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if you even broke up.
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Oh, yeah, yeah, but, yeah, but, you know, players got to play.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40This bleeding dick isn't going to fuck itself.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42You know, lots of girls want this,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44and I want to have sex with lots of women too, and also,
0:21:44 > 0:21:48her arms are too long and her face is weird and she can't cook.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51See? He is a real dick.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- I'm a huge dick.- And we are through.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Yeah, over!- That's right. That's where I know you from.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00You're that guy on this video that everyone's been sharing.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02What video?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07You're the dick! Get this on camera! You're the dick!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09You're the one charging people to fix their computers
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and all you're doing is just removing malware or, like,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13defragmenting their computer, when really,
0:22:13 > 0:22:17when someone comes in with an actual problem, you can't do shit!
0:22:17 > 0:22:18You can't do shit!
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Yeah, it's true. They can't do shit.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25When you go to these tech guys, all they do is just charge you.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yeah, OK. Yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's how I roll.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30You know, that's how I treat other humans. Know what I'm saying?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Come at the king, I strike back. That's how I treat everyone.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34That's how I treated her.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36If you don't know, now you know.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Extension granted.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Thank you!
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Also, Asher, this may be none of my business,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47but you're right to get rid of this guy.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48He is a real piece of shit.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Whoa. Thanks, mate. You saved me in there.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Yeah, no problem. Always happy to help.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02All that stuff about you being in love with me.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Oh! Great acting. It really sold the authenticity.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Yeah, yeah, acting. Yeah, I'm a really good actor.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- It's one of my skills.- Anyway,
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'd better get to work on the take-home exam.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Yeah, hey, you know, if you need help with that,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18I'm happy to come over and help you piece it back together.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Thanks, Ronny. I really appreciate it.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Yeah, like I said, no problem.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Always happy to help a friend.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Friendship. Whoo!