0:00:22 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Hello. I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates
0:00:41 > 0:00:45exiled forever to the dark vault that is Room 101.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49In each round, only one choice can make it into the dreaded room.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51The final decision is mine.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Joining me tonight are Masterchef's Gregg Wallace,
0:00:54 > 0:00:59presenter and journalist, Gabby Logan, and comedian Sarah Millican.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:08So, how are you feeling about Room 101?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Have you found the choices easy to make?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14I did a law degree and so I was trained to argue anything.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17So I can argue both sides, which I hate myself for.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Even on my first category, I will try and argue vehemently,
0:01:20 > 0:01:24I could argue against it as well, I've found about myself.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27I've found that's a skill that many women possess.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Right then, let's have our first category.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Well, it's Food & Drink.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I think we have to start with our resident expert,
0:01:39 > 0:01:43so let's see what Gregg's food and drink choice is.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- So what is it? What is it, Gregg? - I really can't stand barbecues.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- CROWD: Oooh! - Don't "ooh" me!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Ohhh, you've lost. Ooh!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01We've only just started, don't "ooh" me.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05- Barbecues, I hate them, hate them. - What do you have against them?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08It used to be, you'd get invited to someone's house
0:02:08 > 0:02:11and the worst you'd have to put up with was a buffet.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Now, men who only ever normally go in the kitchen to throw their
0:02:14 > 0:02:18empty beer cans away, think they've mastered one of the most difficult
0:02:18 > 0:02:22cooking techniques known to man, with absolute disastrous results.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27You're in the garden, no tables and chairs, a steak that needs cutting,
0:02:27 > 0:02:30with a paper plate and a plastic fork.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34You've also got a napkin and a glass of beer, it doesn't work!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Can I just say, I'm all for al fresco dining,
0:02:38 > 0:02:39just not the barbecue.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41No-one's suggesting for a second
0:02:41 > 0:02:44that you're against al fresco dining.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47The thought never crossed my mind, I won't have that,
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I won't have that hung upon me. See, I love the fact that it's informal,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54you don't get a knife and fork and it's all laid-back.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Things like a chicken leg and a lamb chop,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I don't want to eat them with a knife and fork.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02If God gives food a handle...
0:03:02 > 0:03:03let's use it!
0:03:03 > 0:03:06What you're objecting to is the way we eat barbecues,
0:03:06 > 0:03:07rather than the barbecue...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- No, and the people that cook them. - Because you do...
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I've seen a man with a sausage on fire turning it!
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- Charcoal grilling is a difficult skill.- What about a pig on a spit?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23What you do on a Friday night with the curtains drawn...
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Don't need to drag us in your private hell, Gabby.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Isn't it because you're from the professional
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- showbiz cookery world, and... - Showbiz cookery?!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35You keep telling us that it's a very special art, where really,
0:03:35 > 0:03:39really cooking is just making food a bit hotter.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44APPLAUSE
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Can I ask you, I read on your Wikipedia page
0:03:49 > 0:03:52that you are officially called an "ingredients expert"?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55They said when we started doing Masterchef, "What can we call you?"
0:03:55 > 0:03:58I said, "I'm a greengrocer." They said, "We can't do that."
0:03:58 > 0:04:01So they came up with ingredients expert.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Do you look through ingredients in supermarkets?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Well, no, I'd be very careful of food packaging.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Like strawberry flavoured yoghurt,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11you'd be lucky to find any strawberry in at all.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14The same with condoms, as well?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17They're strawberry flavoured sometimes, aren't they?
0:04:17 > 0:04:21They've definitely not got any fruit in, have they not?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Were you taking that as your five-a-day?- Well, one of them.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:32 > 0:04:34OK, then, let's have a look at Gabby's choice
0:04:34 > 0:04:36on the food and drink front.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Blimey!- This is the buffet.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52This is a heart attack waiting to happen and this, unfortunately,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55seems to be the future of dining. If you look at the States
0:04:55 > 0:04:58and the all you can eat buffet, which is anathema in itself.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01For 4.99, how you can have lobster, steak and prawns,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05as the Vegas hotels advertise, and it not come from some deep-freeze
0:05:05 > 0:05:08and been there 20 years, I don't know. But this is...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12But I think in America, Gabby, "all you can eat" is a challenge.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16That's what I'm worried about, because this trend for over-eating
0:05:16 > 0:05:18and no portion control,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21the buffet is obviously the first stop, you know,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24because you can just keep going, and the combinations of foods
0:05:24 > 0:05:27that you can have on a buffet are infinitesimal.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31I was in South Africa last year and you could have curried prawns,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34lamb chops and spaghetti bolognese on the same plate,
0:05:34 > 0:05:38and one of my colleagues did. You know, it's disgusting to look at,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41to watch somebody eat that combination of food.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43But that's what I love about buffets.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46You don't have to have the salad or the green stuff,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48you can just have the stuff you really like.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50It's sort of like a savoury pick 'n' mix.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It's fraught with hazards. If you go first to the buffet,
0:05:54 > 0:05:57you look greedy. If you wait, you get stuck in the queue
0:05:57 > 0:06:00with somebody you don't want to talk to.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03That's why you just pop something in,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05then you don't have to talk to anybody.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09You don't have to pile your plate up. You can keep going.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You get two plates' worth by the time you get to the end of the table.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16I'm amazed that you bother with a plate, Sarah.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Well, look, I've got a clip now of something which
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I think justifies the whole buffet culture.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Have a look at this.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30'Guests at a cocktail party need three things, a glass of wine,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33'a plate of hors d'oeuvres and a free hand.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36'Of course, this isn't always possible.'
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Hey! I'm Adam, Carol's husband.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43'Don't let this happen to your guests.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47'Party Plate Clips are a must-have for the sensible host or hostess.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49'Guests can attach a clip to their appetiser dish
0:06:49 > 0:06:52'and then rest their glass of wine in the holder.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56'Even with a ridiculously full glass of wine, the Party Plate Clip
0:06:56 > 0:07:00'keeps everything balanced and easy to hold. Party Plate Clips.'
0:07:02 > 0:07:05APPLAUSE
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- That's brilliant! That's brilliant. - Isn't it just the best thing ever?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16The brilliant thing, it doesn't only fit on a plate,
0:07:16 > 0:07:20it fits very neatly on the dashboard.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25OK, let's see what Sarah's choice is.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Blimey!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36My choice is Chicken Kiev.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40But a dry Chicken Kiev.
0:07:42 > 0:07:47I'm happy with a normal Chicken Kiev, it's maybe sort of 60% of my diet.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53Oh, you're doing the "Chicken Kiev diet", very popular.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56They're like adult nuggets, aren't they? You can sort of,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00you can get away with it. I can't have nuggets any more, cos I'm 36,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02but I can have a Chicken Kiev.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Although I've never had one that's the same size as me head before.
0:08:05 > 0:08:11- But why do they get dry, then? - Because they burst in the oven!- Oh.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14It's really annoying, cos I'm looking forward to,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17cos chicken on its own, I could buy chicken on its own
0:08:17 > 0:08:20if I wanted it, but I didn't want it, I want it with the stuff in!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24And I can't cook, so I'm heavily reliant on oveny things.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29I don't know that chicken was ever designed to be a sachet.
0:08:30 > 0:08:35It was one of the first, I have this fact here, in 1976,
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- it was Marks and Spencer's first ever ready-meal.- Wow!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43What about that? And we actually asked about the price.
0:08:43 > 0:08:50- The price of a Chicken Kiev in 1976 was two quid for two.- Whoa!
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Really expensive.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57And then we checked how much it costs in 2012 to buy a similar item.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Still two quid. Yeah.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02So they were sort of quite elitist in the '70s, weren't they?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Yeah. And a brilliant investment.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09You know, in these volatile financial times,
0:09:09 > 0:09:12I suggest you put your money in Kievs.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15So, look, you've all argued very well.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I feel, Sarah, I can't put the Kievs in.
0:09:17 > 0:09:22I feel it's your fault, whereas, the Kievs per se are beautiful.
0:09:22 > 0:09:26And I, well, I mean, I love all these things.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29A barbecue, I think it's important that,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33it's the people's cooking and we should champion that.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37So, on this occasion, I am going to put Gabby's choice in.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39So, buffets go into Room 101.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Thank you.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44APPLAUSE
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Anyway, let's move on to the next category.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Film & Television, and let's begin with Gabby's choice.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Clever.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Oh, you've already won.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18I'm not reserving all barrels for The Only Way Is Essex.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21The Only Way Is Essex is symbolic of scripted reality,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24which is this new genre of television
0:10:24 > 0:10:27which seems to have taken over in the last year.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30My main gripe with The Only Way Is Essex and its love children,
0:10:30 > 0:10:33for example, Made In Chelsea, Geordie Shores,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Desperate Scousewives, I don't know if I've made that up or it exists,
0:10:37 > 0:10:41these programmes, I fear, are going to be cheap ways
0:10:41 > 0:10:45of filling our televisual time. If somebody said that the money
0:10:45 > 0:10:49that was going into these was being taken out of comedy on a channel
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- then you'd probably feel... - Oh, that's a low blow!
0:10:55 > 0:10:58I sense though there is an intellectual aspect.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01It was based on Aristotle's book The Only Way Is Ethics.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I worry about what my kids are going to watch,
0:11:06 > 0:11:08who their role models are going to be
0:11:08 > 0:11:12and I just think... They do nothing! They stand for nothing.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- They just...- OK, OK. Well, just in case, Gabby,
0:11:15 > 0:11:21that no-one here has seen any scripted reality,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24this is one of the moments on The Only Way Is Essex
0:11:24 > 0:11:26when somebody got vajazzled.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31"Step one - start by shaving or waxing your bikini area completely."
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- Done that, babes?- Yeah.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- You're not hairy-werey today? - No, I've had a wax this week.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39OK. "Stage two -
0:11:39 > 0:11:43"apply the crystal stickers to the upper part of your bikini area only."
0:11:43 > 0:11:47So, basically, don't put it on your bits. Basically.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52"Practise vajazzling safely." Obviously. We're professionals.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56"Do not wear vajazzle crystals for more than 24 hours."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Right, honey, so what kind of design would you like?
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- Start off, then do what you think looks good.- I'm not good at art.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04LAUGHTER
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I think there's something lovely about their naturalness
0:12:11 > 0:12:15because in actors, they have to play everything up.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19You know that she would have looked into camera and gone,
0:12:19 > 0:12:20"I'm no good at art."
0:12:20 > 0:12:25I think if I was getting a vajazzle I'd just loads of tiny brown crystals
0:12:25 > 0:12:29and just put it back on, like a triangle.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Hang on, you mean, blonde, surely?
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Yeah, yeah, blonde, yeah, blonde.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40No, I love... I'm showbiz, I love a star-studded opening.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42AUDIENCE GROANS
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I think they shouldn't call it vajazzling,
0:12:45 > 0:12:46they should call it blinge.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Anyway, let's see what Gregg wants to put
0:12:55 > 0:12:58into the Film & Television category.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07I can't stand TV about ill people.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14Hospital dramas, people having operations, it's just...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17It just seems so wrong, I mean, I've been to hospital,
0:13:17 > 0:13:19it's not a happy place.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21It's got a theatre.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27I mean, you can even sometimes see women having boob operations,
0:13:27 > 0:13:31- let alone...- Can you?! Is there a viewing gallery?
0:13:31 > 0:13:35People having plastic surgery, even the hospital dramas...
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Listen, you wouldn't say, "Auntie Ethel's had a heart attack.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42"Kids, we can all go to the hospital and point at the ill people."
0:13:42 > 0:13:46It just seems wrong to me, it's like slowing down a car crash,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- simple as that.- OK.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Do you like Animal Hospital? - No, it's another thing I can't...
0:13:51 > 0:13:54You see, the first time I watched that I was so gutted.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58I honestly thought it would be animals operating a hospital.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04I thought there'd be an Alsatian with a scalpel sellotaped...
0:14:04 > 0:14:07OK, well, we have a montage,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I'm going to call it a montage of medical drama,
0:14:11 > 0:14:14just to give a bit of a flavour of what you're talking about.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15No, no, no, no!
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Argh!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26No!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Ah!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34APPLAUSE
0:14:37 > 0:14:41That's like extreme You've Been Framed, isn't it?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I like it in programmes like Casualty,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47it's like guessing who it's going to be and what's going to happen,
0:14:47 > 0:14:49that's one of the best bits.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51When a bloke looks through the kitchen window and says,
0:14:51 > 0:14:55"Is that the next-door neighbour's Rottweiler in our garden,"
0:14:55 > 0:14:58and you think, "Don't go out. Don't go out."
0:14:58 > 0:15:01"It's wee-ing up that World War II bomb."
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Here's a bit of drama set in a hospital, Gregg.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08I think you'll like this.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10PA: 'Dr Caspar to the ER."
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Since when were dogs allowed in hospital wards?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Well, yeah, that's from a programme called One Tree Hill,
0:15:39 > 0:15:44which is a pretty bad place for a dog to live anyway, let's face it.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I think it's brilliantly done though because, I don't know
0:15:49 > 0:15:51if you've worked with dogs and things and cats,
0:15:51 > 0:15:55but they can't do anything,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58so I was very impressed by the dog acting.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Let's see what sort of Film & Television
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Sarah Millican doesn't like.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I have to say that I don't see the connection between my subject.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15I don't know, what's in the tin?
0:16:15 > 0:16:20It's not like programmes about beans I don't like.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25"Oh, I hate all those programmes on the telly that are about beans."
0:16:25 > 0:16:30Don't do anything rash, but have a tentative look at the tin.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Has it got...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36SHE SHRIEKS
0:16:36 > 0:16:38That's what I don't like.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- Surprises.- Yeah, I don't like surprises.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I don't like films and TV that have surprises.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I like to know what the surprise is.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I really wanted to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
0:16:48 > 0:16:52but I don't like horror films, but I'd heard it was a really good film,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54so I got my boyfriend at the time to describe it
0:16:54 > 0:16:58and he described the whole thing from start to finish, then I watched it,
0:16:58 > 0:17:02and I was really smug throughout because I knew what was coming up.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06And that's how I handle it. I'm not good at surprises in general though.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Is your favourite TV programme Tales Of The Expected?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14You don't like surprise presents either?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18No, for Christmas we used to make a list of things that we'd like
0:17:18 > 0:17:23and then we'd get those things. Like, my boyfriend likes to buy surprises
0:17:23 > 0:17:26for me, but I don't like surprises,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29so I now give him a list of pre-approved surprises.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It's true, and then he's got five or six things
0:17:32 > 0:17:34that he can pick any one from.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I don't know which one it's going to be,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39but I know that's it's definitely not something rubbish
0:17:39 > 0:17:41that he thinks I'd like that he'd be wrong about.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45He gave me a Mr Potato Head once. I'm 36.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49I love surprises so much that even when things aren't a surprise
0:17:49 > 0:17:50I pretend that they're a surprise.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54If somebody's trying to surprise me but I've rumbled them, I pretend.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56My husband, he still thinks I'm lying when I say this,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59when he proposed to me, I could see the box in his trousers
0:17:59 > 0:18:02because they were a bit tight. We walked up the Wallace Monument,
0:18:02 > 0:18:07which is about 300 steps, in Stirling, so I knew all the way up
0:18:07 > 0:18:11that he was going to pull a box out at the end of it.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Of course, I was still overwhelmed
0:18:13 > 0:18:16and cried appropriately and everything, but afterwards...
0:18:16 > 0:18:21You're so romantic, "Cried appropriately."
0:18:21 > 0:18:24The first argument we had after our engagement,
0:18:24 > 0:18:25"I knew you were going to propose."
0:18:25 > 0:18:28"No, you didn't!" "I did, I saw the box in your pocket."
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- You haven't told him that? - I'm telling all of you!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33You would've known by the fact he was taking you up a height
0:18:33 > 0:18:37as that's where people get proposed to because there's less oxygen,
0:18:37 > 0:18:38so you're more likely to say yes.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41And the fact he spent three weeks before saying,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43"Can't wait till we go to Scotland.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45"I can't wait till we go to Scotland."
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It is strange if people say that.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56I have to decide which one of those things it is. Well...
0:18:56 > 0:19:00there are some things that are terrifying in films and stuff
0:19:00 > 0:19:03which I can't cope with, but I do like that bit of a mix.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08Casualty and those dramas they're so loved, they're so loved.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12I think on this occasion I'm going to put Gabby's choice in.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16I'm going to put The Only Way Is Essex into Room 101.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:27 > 0:19:29OK, let's have the next category, please.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39It's People, and I want to find out what people Gregg don't like.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Ahhhh.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- Is it the elderly? - Scottish people?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55That's old people at cash machines.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01APPLAUSE
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Now, I can understand, you know, also being a child in the '70s
0:20:05 > 0:20:08and behind them in the queue in the Post Office saying,
0:20:08 > 0:20:11"I don't understand this new money." That was hard enough.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15But now, octogenarians with technology that you need
0:20:15 > 0:20:18to get your cash out, is just disastrous.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Now, I have a theory that there is a chip in their card
0:20:21 > 0:20:24which lets the machine know how old they are,
0:20:24 > 0:20:29and if they are over 68, they get a game of Pacman.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34That's the only explanation I've got for them being there for 25 minutes.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I think you're being a bit intolerant.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Listen, I got a round of applause, there.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I think we've all suffered the frustration of being
0:20:42 > 0:20:45behind people that don't understand the new technology.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- Where are old people supposed to get their cash?- A special one.
0:20:49 > 0:20:54Separate cash points for the elderly, with massive buttons.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I don't know any...
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I think they're pretty good with tech...
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Some of these old geezers can find their way
0:21:02 > 0:21:05around a Thai bride website easily enough.
0:21:08 > 0:21:13My mam's just started going online. She likes to buy clothes online
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- because she likes to put comments on the website.- Oh, yeah?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19But my sister has to tailor them,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22because the last one she wanted to put on was, "The top is lovely,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25"but sometimes the tassels go in me dinner."
0:21:25 > 0:21:29I love old people. I genuinely love old people,
0:21:29 > 0:21:33and I was really sad to hear, not so long ago, a few months ago,
0:21:33 > 0:21:37that old people in London are the loneliest in the whole country.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41And as I live in London, I thought, "Right, I'm going to make an effort
0:21:41 > 0:21:45"when I see old people to smile at them." And they think I'm insane.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Yeah, they don't like it. I find them quite lazy.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51The woman next door to me,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54she hasn't took her milk in for about two weeks.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02If this doesn't melt your heart, Gregg, I don't know what will.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04This is...it's some old people.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06It's in a restaurant, so it's on your home ground,
0:22:06 > 0:22:11They're trying a bit of interviewing and it doesn't quite work out.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14What time do you want me next week? Bye-bye.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Oh, yeah, yeah, of course, some pepper.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- What is it?- It's a microphone.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- What?- A microphone.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I thought it was pepper!
0:22:30 > 0:22:34APPLAUSE
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Let's see what kind of people Sarah doesn't like.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- That's you in the car, how lovely.- I know.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53It's experts, so this is a mechanic in this scenario, obviously,
0:22:53 > 0:22:58but also sort of dentists...anybody who knows a lot about something
0:22:58 > 0:23:03that I might have to tap into, that I don't know the vocabulary.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06If I'm in a restaurant and I don't understand the menu,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10I Google it, really quietly, like that.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13And I need to be able to do that in all of these instances.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I need to check that I'm not being ripped-off.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18And it's the same with mechanics.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I take my car in,
0:23:20 > 0:23:24I wish I could say it's definitely the flugelbinder, but...
0:23:24 > 0:23:25You could say that,
0:23:25 > 0:23:28but you'd be paying quite a lot of money, almost certainly.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Well, I went, I had a lump on my wrist
0:23:32 > 0:23:36and I went and saw my doctor and he said, "It's a ganglion."
0:23:36 > 0:23:39And I said, "Oh, right." I said, "What does that mean?"
0:23:39 > 0:23:41He said you had to hit it with a Bible.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45I thought, I'm not paying to see a doctor
0:23:45 > 0:23:48who gives me advice from Medieval England.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51So he said, "OK, I'll send you to see a specialist."
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I went to see this specialist, and I said,
0:23:54 > 0:23:55"Look, I've got a ganglion.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58"My doctor said I should hit it with a Bible."
0:23:58 > 0:24:02And he said, "It's absolutely outrageous
0:24:02 > 0:24:05"that anyone would suggest that in 2010.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08"Hit it with a book representing all the world's religions."
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Fabulous. I could have hugged him.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20I'll tell you what I'll do, I've got a list here of terms,
0:24:20 > 0:24:24some of which are from dentistry and some of which are from mechanics.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- OK.- And I'm going to ask you three, right, to say which one it is.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30So the first one here, is this dentistry or mechanics?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32The pulp chamber.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Dentistry.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- Mechanics.- Dentistry.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39It is, indeed. It's the central cavity of a tooth.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- Of course it is.- Did you know that?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45See, I've already replaced that on my Micra.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52What about a strut brace?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Pornography.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Oh, yes, sorry, that wasn't supposed to be there.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02APPLAUSE
0:25:02 > 0:25:06So let's see what kind of people Gabby Logan doesn't like.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17You'd better say what it is before people, er...
0:25:17 > 0:25:20everyone's a bit edgy at what you're going to say.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Controversial.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32It's sales assistants, but a very specific kind of sales assistant,
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- because there are very good sales assistants.- Of course.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39But there are also, and I kind of feel like Mary Queen of Shops
0:25:39 > 0:25:43when I get on this rant, but she has highlighted a dearth of talent
0:25:43 > 0:25:47in the sales area across a whole load of services in this country.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51We don't value sales assistants in the way that, for example,
0:25:51 > 0:25:54in America you meet waitresses. That's their career.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58They want to be a waitress. In this country, it's seen as a stop-gap.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03We don't tip properly, we don't give sales people commission in shops.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05So they have no real interest in their products.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I'll tell you what surprises me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12I'd have thought that you would get a bit of celebrity treatment.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I wouldn't even think of that when going into a shop.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Oh, you want a bit of celebrity treatment. What's the point?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I was in a shop buying something for my daughter and I said,
0:26:24 > 0:26:27"Is this a true age five, or would you say it comes up
0:26:27 > 0:26:29"a bit big for an age five? Cos she's just about to be six."
0:26:29 > 0:26:32And the girl went, "What?"
0:26:32 > 0:26:35And I said, "Well, you know, does this fit a normal five-year-old,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37"or is this a bit big for a five-year-old?"
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- And she turned to the other assistant and went...- No!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I handed everything to her
0:26:46 > 0:26:50and I went, "Big mistake." And I just walked out of the shop.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52See, I don't have kids.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I wouldn't have known how to answer that.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56I would have gone, "Is your bairn a bit fat then, is it?"
0:26:58 > 0:27:02We had a courier company and we had some truffles for Sally Clarke,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05a formidable chef, coming back from Italy, and they lost them.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Four or five days later they got hold of them, and I phoned up.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11They said, "Mr Wallace, we've found your package.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14"We've got it in our London distribution centre."
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I said "At Vauxhall?" "That's right."
0:27:16 > 0:27:19"I'm at Covent Garden Market, I'll pick it up."
0:27:19 > 0:27:20"You can't do that, sir.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24"There's nobody down here who's trained to speak to the public."
0:27:25 > 0:27:27True story.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Loads of chimps running around.
0:27:31 > 0:27:36Could I have a bleurgh-blah?! I've come to pick up a bleurgh-bleugh!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39OK. I'm not keen on putting in shop assistants,
0:27:39 > 0:27:43because if I do I'll never get served in a shop ever again.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46The same reason I wouldn't put in the emergency services,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48if you'd chosen those.
0:27:48 > 0:27:53- And I cannot put in elderly people. - You want to though, Frank.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- No I don't, I don't.- You so want to. - I think you're too cruel.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01But, I also am very intimidated by experts and so it is
0:28:01 > 0:28:04experts that intimidate us with their knowledge
0:28:04 > 0:28:05that goes into Room 101.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:19And so to the next category.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27This is the Wildcard round, because sometimes I feel
0:28:27 > 0:28:31we constrain you too much in your hatred and dislikes.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34So you get free reign. You can pick anything you like
0:28:34 > 0:28:38that winds you up and we're going to start off with Sarah.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41Let's see what really, really gets on Sarah's nerves.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49Um?
0:28:49 > 0:28:51It's erm...
0:28:51 > 0:28:53cats that ignore me.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00I don't have any animals, I'd like to have a pet,
0:29:00 > 0:29:02but I don't have that sort of lifestyle.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06I can't have an animal, so I have to rely on other people's animals,
0:29:06 > 0:29:08stroking strangers' cats, that sort of thing.
0:29:08 > 0:29:13So I will drive along and if I see a bonny looking cat,
0:29:13 > 0:29:16I will pull in and then go and try and find the cat.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20But they're little buggers in that they hide or they just, you know,
0:29:20 > 0:29:24ignore me or they go right underneath a car, not my car.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27it wouldn't be bad if they did that cos I'd have a hatch fitted
0:29:27 > 0:29:28so I could drag them in.
0:29:28 > 0:29:32But they hide right in the centre, where your arm just can't reach.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34I've tried all the way round!
0:29:34 > 0:29:38I need one of those grabby hands that pensioners have
0:29:38 > 0:29:41- for when they drop things. - Or maybe just an old-fashioned rake.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50So they don't, it's like they don't like you, Sarah. Can I suggest that?
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- No, I don't think it's that.- No.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Can I stroke that one, even if he's got his back to us?
0:29:55 > 0:29:58This is a good thing, cos if you go down here, they can't bite you.
0:29:58 > 0:30:02- Yeah, well that one died in the 1980's.- Oh, it feels real!
0:30:02 > 0:30:04- It is, well it was real. - That's a real stuffed cat.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Oh! Is this going back anywhere at the end of the show?
0:30:09 > 0:30:12I totally want it.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16I could put something to heat it up so it felt even more...
0:30:18 > 0:30:20I don't think they're like ready meals,
0:30:20 > 0:30:22you can bring them back to life with a microwave.
0:30:22 > 0:30:26I saw a cat through a window recently and I went up
0:30:26 > 0:30:29and I mewed at it. Miaow.
0:30:29 > 0:30:33And it mewed back, but obviously it was silent, so it looked quite sad.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35But it put its paw up,
0:30:35 > 0:30:38it put its paw up at the glass like it was in prison in America,
0:30:38 > 0:30:42and I put my paw up as well and we had a lovely moment.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47- You put YOUR paw? - My hand, whatever.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50Is there part of this that you're in a cat outfit?
0:30:52 > 0:30:57Let's see what Gabby has chosen for her wildcard.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06This is a replica of the Olympic torch.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10But it's gone out. Symbolically it's gone out.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14Because I am trying to put into Room 101
0:31:14 > 0:31:17people who poo-poo the Olympics,
0:31:17 > 0:31:19who have no enthusiasm for the Olympics,
0:31:19 > 0:31:22who put it down, who don't give it a chance.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26On the 27th July, 204 countries are represented in 26 different sports.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29Hundreds of millions of people will turn...
0:31:29 > 0:31:31Am I picking up Five Live on this?
0:31:33 > 0:31:37They're going to turn their eyes around the world on London,
0:31:37 > 0:31:41and it is an amazing city. I'm lucky in my job to travel,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44I've been to different cities and World Cups and all kinds of things,
0:31:44 > 0:31:48and the festival atmosphere of an Olympic Games,
0:31:48 > 0:31:51what it does to a city and a country's self-esteem,
0:31:51 > 0:31:55is incredible. You don't have to love sport, you have to love drama,
0:31:55 > 0:31:58passion, enthusiasm, the human spirit
0:31:58 > 0:32:02and the things that make people unique. That's all you have to love.
0:32:02 > 0:32:06And people who say, "I'm going away when the Olympics is on."
0:32:06 > 0:32:10"I'm not watching that. Oh, it's going to be a nightmare."
0:32:10 > 0:32:11It's two weeks, the Olympics.
0:32:11 > 0:32:16I guarantee the most ardent kind of anti-Olympic person
0:32:16 > 0:32:19will be moved when this comes to town, and you will cry
0:32:19 > 0:32:22on an almost daily basis, as somebody triumphs against the odds.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Blimey!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29Isn't there enough drug abuse in London,
0:32:29 > 0:32:31without bringing in a load of athletes?
0:32:33 > 0:32:36The good thing about the Olympics being in London is that
0:32:36 > 0:32:42when we lose, the runners and whatnot won't have very far to go home.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Well, I must admit,
0:32:45 > 0:32:50I'm sort of one of the people you're trying to put into Room 101, here.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53I can't get very excited about the Olympics at all.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57The other thing I think, and this is, this is not a joke,
0:32:57 > 0:33:04I hate the logo so much it's put me off the Olympics.
0:33:04 > 0:33:07APPLAUSE
0:33:07 > 0:33:12- I think it really...- It's like the worst jigsaw you've ever seen.
0:33:12 > 0:33:16I think that is just the tiniest part of this Olympic Games...
0:33:16 > 0:33:18I know, but it's everywhere!
0:33:18 > 0:33:22- I could do a better logo than that now.- Oh, you've got one.
0:33:22 > 0:33:27No, I'll do one. I will do a better logo for the Olympics than that.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:40 > 0:33:44We beat Paris, Moscow, New York and Madrid for this...
0:33:44 > 0:33:47That's the problem though, that you can't top beating Paris.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51French people crying on the telly, the Olympics can't follow that.
0:33:56 > 0:34:01Anyway, let's see what Gregg Wallace has chosen as his wildcard.
0:34:07 > 0:34:12- Music festivals, and that includes all live music.- What?!
0:34:12 > 0:34:16And I'll tell you what, I know I'm getting old now and I only like
0:34:16 > 0:34:20music by dead people, but I'll tell you why I don't like concerts.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24You go to concerts to listen to music that you like
0:34:24 > 0:34:27by bands who have made songs you like,
0:34:27 > 0:34:30you get there to find half the concert is them playing music
0:34:30 > 0:34:34you've never heard before, cos they want to promote a new album.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37And then they do songs and change them.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41So I went to see Elton John, he had a 15-minute Rocket Man.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Now, unless there was a bit missing off my LP,
0:34:44 > 0:34:47Rocket Man was about three, three and a half minutes.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49There was a big jazz section in it.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52Now I think, if you go and see a band, you're going to see them
0:34:52 > 0:34:54because you like the music they've done,
0:34:54 > 0:34:56not possibly the music they're going to do,
0:34:56 > 0:34:59and they should just leave their songs alone.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02There's one thing I will say in your, there is,
0:35:02 > 0:35:05occasionally you do see something and you do think to yourself,
0:35:05 > 0:35:10maybe live music just isn't a very good idea after all.
0:35:10 > 0:35:15# My baby's always dancing And it wouldn't be a bad thing
0:35:15 > 0:35:18# But I don't get no loving And that's no lie
0:35:18 > 0:35:23# We spent the night in Frisco At every kind of disco
0:35:23 > 0:35:26# From that night I kissed our love goodbye
0:35:26 > 0:35:31# Don't blame it on the sunshine Don't blame it on the moonlight
0:35:31 > 0:35:34# Don't blame it on the good times Blame it on the boogie. #
0:35:34 > 0:35:36APPLAUSE
0:35:39 > 0:35:43Do you know, that's actually better than I remember.
0:35:43 > 0:35:46Yes. I thought it was an Elton John gig during a hurricane.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50Well, I have one, cos I feel strongly about this, I feel that
0:35:50 > 0:35:54live music and bands experimenting on that is very important, Gregg.
0:35:54 > 0:35:58I've got one last trump card that I think could win you over.
0:35:58 > 0:36:03You are probably the most famous greengrocer in Britain,
0:36:03 > 0:36:06maybe even in the world, is that true?
0:36:06 > 0:36:10Well, then please welcome the London Vegetable Orchestra.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:20 > 0:36:23MUSIC: "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King
0:36:55 > 0:36:58- APPLAUSE - Well done.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02Ohhh, I loved it.
0:37:04 > 0:37:06I loved it.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10I was actually playing a bit of air parsnip.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14Anyway, now apparently the government says you should
0:37:14 > 0:37:16listen to five of their songs a day.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20OK, I'm going to make my choice.
0:37:20 > 0:37:24Well, look, you may have guessed, I'm not going to put live music in,
0:37:24 > 0:37:27it's very, it's very, very crucial to me.
0:37:27 > 0:37:32And, erm...people who, cats who ignore you...
0:37:32 > 0:37:37I think maybe you should get some catnip and everything'll be OK.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40The reason I think I'm going to make this choice, Gabby,
0:37:40 > 0:37:44is because I am one of the people who moan about the Olympics,
0:37:44 > 0:37:47and you know what, I think in a way it's quite bad of me.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I'm going to change my ways. You were so passionate,
0:37:49 > 0:37:55I am going to put people who moan about the Olympics into Room 101.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:02 > 0:38:05And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07And so, well done, Gabby,
0:38:07 > 0:38:10you've proved to be the most persuasive guest tonight, so you get
0:38:10 > 0:38:15to choose one item to go into Room 101 that's completely unchallenged.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- What are you going for?- I'm going for shell suits.- Really?- Yes.
0:38:19 > 0:38:24What a shame, I do think, they do say that if you hold a shell suit up
0:38:24 > 0:38:29to your ear, you can hear the roar of the ocean at Southend-on-Sea.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31OK, you have your own way, Gabby.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33I'm going to put shell suits into Room 101.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35APPLAUSE
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Thanks very much to Gregg, to Gabby and to Sarah,
0:38:40 > 0:38:42and to you, thank you. Good night.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk