0:00:22 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43the show where three guests explain what really winds them up,
0:00:43 > 0:00:48in the hope that I'll condemn said thing to the grim environs of Room 101.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories
0:00:51 > 0:00:53and, in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56The final decision is mine.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00As an example, let's try and decide the worst from this group of three.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I should say they're not all that easy.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15So let's meet the guests.
0:01:15 > 0:01:19Joining me tonight are presenter Lauren Laverne,
0:01:19 > 0:01:21actor Larry Lamb and comedian David O'Doherty.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Right then, let's get the first category.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Modern Life.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41So let's see what Lauren Laverne doesn't like about modern life.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50OK. Look at this, this is what I don't like about modern life.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Oh, look, this is fine. Is this fine?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Is this fine?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58No, this isn't fine. I hate fake tan.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Do you really?
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I hate fake tan. Look.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06That is deeply un-fine and needs to go in Room 101.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09But you quite like applying them, liberally.
0:02:09 > 0:02:14It has become normal to dye our skin from the top of our head
0:02:14 > 0:02:16to our toes, all year round.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19We look back into history and we look at people with their...
0:02:19 > 0:02:22in the 17th century, with their powdered wigs
0:02:22 > 0:02:25and their beauty spot and corsets and we laugh at them.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28And, like, right now, we're walking around
0:02:28 > 0:02:30looking like a nation of Oompa Loompas.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32It's insane and it must end.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35I know, it's like seasonal fruit.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40When I was a young man, you had to wait for things like sprouts.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44I heard a rumour that there was one magazine cover star
0:02:44 > 0:02:46who wanted to fake-tan the baby
0:02:46 > 0:02:51for the "meeting the baby" shoot, at two weeks old!
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Can't be right.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Yeah, I mean, surely the obvious thing is to just dip them, isn't it?
0:02:56 > 0:03:01I mean, I have to defend, certainly spray tan, is that it is
0:03:01 > 0:03:05probably healthier than actual sun-tanning and it's quicker.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I like to think that what's happened is that man has taken nature
0:03:09 > 0:03:12and improved it, you know. Like with, say, Nesquik.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I had a spray tan once in my life. I did it for...
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I did it for professional reasons.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I had to do a show where you did five things you've never done before,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25so I went for a spray tan, and the woman said to me,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27"So how strong do you want to go?"
0:03:27 > 0:03:30And I thought, you know, builders.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33They sprayed me and I was amazed.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37I don't know, people here probably have had spray tans,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40I thought it stayed, but it was... I got out of bed the next morning,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44my fitted sheet looked like the Turin Shroud.
0:03:44 > 0:03:50The flamingos in Dublin Zoo were... They weren't pink any more,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52they were losing their pinkness,
0:03:52 > 0:03:55so they had to add some pink dye to the food they were giving them.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56So maybe that's it -
0:03:56 > 0:04:01maybe people who work as air hostesses just drink a lot of Fanta.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04I went in one of these standy-up ones, where you...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- The stand and tan. - No, no, this was like bars on the wall and you stand in there,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10they play Europop and you dance naked.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13It has its pluses.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I'd never been before, and they give you two little golden cones
0:04:16 > 0:04:19to put in your eyes so your eyes don't burn out.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22So I wedged those in, so I got these two pointy bits
0:04:22 > 0:04:25and I went in there, I said, "I'll have 18 minutes."
0:04:25 > 0:04:27That was the max you could have.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28I got very burnt.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Particularly in one particular area where...
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Not normally exposed to the sun at all.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36And when I went back, I said,
0:04:36 > 0:04:40"I couldn't have three of those gold cones, could I?"
0:04:43 > 0:04:48OK, so let's see what Larry Lamb doesn't like about modern life.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02High fives.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Ah!
0:05:04 > 0:05:05- Eh?- I'm with you.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I mean, talk about a fad.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12It drives me crazy, everybody's doing it, you just
0:05:12 > 0:05:15sort of expect the Queen, the Pope, everybody to be high-fiving.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You've got President Obama. It seems to be the way that people,
0:05:18 > 0:05:22somehow or other, have accepted they've got to sort of show that
0:05:22 > 0:05:26they're kind of hip to what's going on when they greet each other.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Aren't they a lovely, warm greeting? - No.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31It just makes me feel really angry when they do it.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I don't want to do it, no.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36What do you do when people do it to you? Do you just go, "Argh, no!"?
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- Yeah, no, I don't... - Do you join in? If someone goes, "Hey, Larry," what do you do?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42No. "How are you doing?"
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Oh, you've directly challenged their...- Absolute direct challenge.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47..greeting.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I met Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I'd never heard of a low five,
0:05:50 > 0:05:52and he went...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54And I sort of shook hands with him sideways.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58It was really pathetic. He gave me a withering look.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01But it's a very American thing, isn't it?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03It is. Well, I'm not anti...
0:06:03 > 0:06:06And I kind of, they're more expressive, because I think
0:06:06 > 0:06:09the standard British greeting, instead of the high five, is...
0:06:10 > 0:06:14There are worse things that have come from America.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18I mean, you know, the drive-by shooting, for example.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21This clip illustrates that if you are going to high-five someone,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24make sure that they're kind of ready for it,
0:06:24 > 0:06:29and a white stick is something to look out for.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40We'll see. We'll see where it goes. I am pumped.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42As you should be.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Well, I'm giving you a high five.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Congratulations, there it is.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55Anyway, let's have a look at David's choice in the Modern Life category.
0:06:55 > 0:07:01TENSE MUSIC
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Frank, this is a big one,
0:07:05 > 0:07:10the thing I hate more than possibly anything else...
0:07:13 > 0:07:17..is fake tension in light entertainment television programmes.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:24 > 0:07:26From my memory, it would have started...
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I remember Eurovisions in the 1980s,
0:07:29 > 0:07:32it was possibly an accident originally that the man reading out
0:07:32 > 0:07:38the results for the Swiss jury just went, "And 12 points goes to...
0:07:43 > 0:07:44"..Malta."
0:07:44 > 0:07:47And all of Europe went, "Ooh!"
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Well, I seem to... It's been around longer than that.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Doesn't the King use it in The King's Speech?
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Oh, yeah.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I think when he said, "We are currently at war with..."
0:08:02 > 0:08:06And the whole nation's going, "Who?! Who are we at war with?"
0:08:06 > 0:08:10I think I hate it because I am so easily emotionally manipulated,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14so I'm, "Oh, really? Who's going to be knocked out of Celebrity Fly Fishing this week?"
0:08:16 > 0:08:20I think the worst bit is when they really try to tease them.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22They'll lead them one way and then the other,
0:08:22 > 0:08:27so you get the look into the eye and they say, "I'm sorry, it's bad news.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30"You're going to have to spend a bit longer with me. Ha-ha!
0:08:30 > 0:08:35"At least long enough for me to tell you that you're going home.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38"When you get home, pack your suitcase and come right back here!
0:08:38 > 0:08:42"Only then will I finally admit that I'm truly sorry that
0:08:42 > 0:08:45"I didn't tell you straightaway
0:08:45 > 0:08:47"that you're in the next round!"
0:08:47 > 0:08:49It's... I mean, it's cruel.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51But I love it.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58I think the brilliant thing about that tension moment,
0:08:58 > 0:08:59that dramatic pause,
0:08:59 > 0:09:03is that you can make almost anything sound really, really exciting.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08There was one more ingredient to this battle, our secret ingredient,
0:09:08 > 0:09:13the theme on which our chefs will offer their succulent variations.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Today's secret ingredient is...
0:09:22 > 0:09:24..potatoes!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34But there's no real drama on television,
0:09:34 > 0:09:38so they turn reality television into drama. That's the problem, you know.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41That's a bitter actor speaking there, Larry.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Me and Larry agree. Put it there!
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Anyway, I now come to my choice, and in the Modern Life category,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57what I'm going to put in Room 101 is...
0:09:57 > 0:10:01TENSE MUSIC
0:10:01 > 0:10:06HE WHISTLES
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I'll tell you after the break.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Sorry... Oh, BBC.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28OK, so I am going to put fake tans into Room 101.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:41 > 0:10:44OK, let's move on to the next category.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54Going Out. What does Larry Lamb not like about going out?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Confusing loo signs.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09The bane of people my age, I'm sure, you know.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Bad enough to be constantly in a rush needing to get there,
0:11:13 > 0:11:18but going in the wrong one almost, you know, ready to explode,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20is just terribly embarrassing
0:11:20 > 0:11:23and it seems to happen more and more and more.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27- Yeah.- Sometimes, it's just because you catch things at the wrong angle
0:11:27 > 0:11:32and you're so anxious to get in there, and the door's half-open, half-closed, and you just see it.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- But...- Just save it for the jury, will you?
0:11:36 > 0:11:43It even got worse for me on the internal signs on one of these new-fangled ones
0:11:43 > 0:11:47on a big sort of super-train in England, funnily enough,
0:11:47 > 0:11:50one of these revolving ones.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53And I got myself all safely stowed and ready settled...
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- You didn't lock.- ..everything ready, and pressed the button that closes
0:11:57 > 0:12:00and it was the wrong one, and I'm sitting there
0:12:00 > 0:12:04and this person is standing in front of the door just staring at me,
0:12:04 > 0:12:08and I'm staring at him, saying, "Hello, I'm Archie Mitchell.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11"How you doing?" I mean, unreal.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13It's a great reveal, though.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- It's a great reveal, and that's the kind of...- Larry Lamb!
0:12:15 > 0:12:20It's the terror of it. Gradually, you think, "It's opening, it's opening, it's opening!"
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- I know, but if ever they bring back Stars In Their Eyes...- Yeah!
0:12:24 > 0:12:27In case you're not familiar with these signs,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30here's a few toilet signs.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32This one, I think, is very clever, this first one.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Don't you think that's good, Larry? That's inventive.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41It's good. It's good. I get that.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44- So you're OK with that one? - I'm all right with that one.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46This one, I think's a bit trickier.
0:12:49 > 0:12:55People from the 18th century and in flying wheelchairs.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Is that disabled?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01I thought it was just someone who had one of those Space Hopper things.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04What about this one? This is...
0:13:06 > 0:13:11See, that, to me, looks like a giant with a quiff
0:13:11 > 0:13:13creeping up on a man at a urinal.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Can you see that?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Just about to bite him on the bottom.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22So I've got to say, Larry, that I...
0:13:22 > 0:13:25If that's his willy, what on earth is that thing on the other side?!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27That's his bottom.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Good Lord! Unbelievable.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I've only ever been in a ladies toilet once and that was...
0:13:33 > 0:13:36We were on a very, very good conga.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41The sort of conga you have to get the bus back to where you began from.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47The problem is that if you do get confused about toilets,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50it can go very, very wrong.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53SHE SPEAKS IN DUTCH
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Oh. Oh.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Erm...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10AUDIENCE GROANS
0:14:10 > 0:14:12This isn't a urinal, is it?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15SHE LAUGHS
0:14:15 > 0:14:16I think it is, man.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Ah, Christ.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Whoa.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Could happen to anyone.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32OK. What doesn't David like about going out?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41I have a big problem with ostentatious dressers
0:14:41 > 0:14:44who don't like people looking at them.
0:14:44 > 0:14:50This comes from an incident in Spar, the popular shop, recently.
0:14:50 > 0:14:56I'm doing pretty well, and there was a man, a very fashionable man
0:14:56 > 0:15:00in his 20s with the sort of little trousers and little shoes,
0:15:00 > 0:15:06and he had a trenchcoat on and a sort of a little moustachey thing.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11And then round his neck, he had a stoat, and then
0:15:11 > 0:15:16an old lady kind of lady killer, one with the arms and the head, like...
0:15:17 > 0:15:20..who was staring at the other people in...
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Can I say, I'm not totally sure they have arms.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26With his... Well, of course they have arms.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30What are they, just a tube? They roll around, stoats.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Are they not legs?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Legs are arms.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Oh, I see what this is,
0:15:35 > 0:15:38this is the argument as to whether dogs have arms and legs.
0:15:38 > 0:15:44- Yes.- Or whether they have four legs in the first place. - They have four legs, surely.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Not in Ireland. In Ireland, we're very clear about this.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51You see a table - there are the arms, there are the legs.
0:15:55 > 0:16:00The man with the stoat, he looked over at me as if to say,
0:16:00 > 0:16:03"I'm just trying to live my life, leave me alone."
0:16:03 > 0:16:07And I think what annoyed me about it was that when I was growing up,
0:16:07 > 0:16:11people who dressed in the most outlandish costumes were goths,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14you know, or were punks, and they were trying to shock the world.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19And they were saying, "Look at me, I don't care!" You know? "Ha-ha!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22"That's right, I've put an egg in my hair."
0:16:22 > 0:16:23And this was someone...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I remember that fashion.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30This was someone from my crappy generation,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33who just couldn't make up their mind whether it was meant to be
0:16:33 > 0:16:36a cool thing they wanted people to look at, or just like,
0:16:36 > 0:16:40"Don't look... Look at me! Don't look... Look at me! Don't look at me."
0:16:40 > 0:16:42That was the annoying thing.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44He might have been being savaged.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50OK, what doesn't Lauren Laverne like about going out?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Look at that, Frank. Square plates.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Square plates, because when a square plate arrives,
0:17:06 > 0:17:10what it immediately tells you is that you're in a restaurant
0:17:10 > 0:17:13that is not quite as good a restaurant as it thinks it is.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I mean, don't get me wrong, everything doesn't have to be fancy,
0:17:17 > 0:17:19but I think, actually, that's my point.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21It's the stuff in the middle.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I like a really properly fancy, really lovely restaurant,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27and I love, like, a bag of chips on the beach, you can't go past that.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I think those two extremes are fantastic.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32But this in the middle, with the square plates,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34and the food in little piles.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Why, why is this?
0:17:37 > 0:17:42I don't know. I think there's a lot of KFC regulars here going...
0:17:42 > 0:17:43"What is that?"
0:17:45 > 0:17:48But on a practical level, have you ever chased peas
0:17:48 > 0:17:51with a knife and fork round a circular plate?
0:17:51 > 0:17:53I've been lapped by a cherry tomato.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I think the theory is,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59it's supposed to represent like a frame for a work of art.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Yeah, that's the problem, it's food going into art, isn't it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Food going into art makes fart, though, Larry.
0:18:06 > 0:18:13That's not something anybody wants to think about when they're having their dinner.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15It also says to me,
0:18:15 > 0:18:19"After this meal, you are still going to be quite hungry."
0:18:19 > 0:18:24I went to quite a posh restaurant, right, and they gave me - I'm not kidding you -
0:18:24 > 0:18:28gave me a chopping board with the ingredients for a sandwich on it,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31but they just hadn't made you the flippin' sandwich.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35And it was like, "Hang on, I'm giving you 12 quid for this.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39"Can you not take it back and make us a sandwich? I have to make my own?"
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Are you sure you weren't working there at the time?
0:18:42 > 0:18:47OK, well, I think that looks nice, personally,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50but you've made your point.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53OK, well, as I come to look at these things,
0:18:53 > 0:18:58I like the sort of non-uniformity of the square plate,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01I like that it's challenging the norm.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06I think that David staring is just a little bit taking the mickey,
0:19:06 > 0:19:09and I can understand those people getting upset.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Larry, you've won me over.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14I didn't realise it, I thought they were just imagination,
0:19:14 > 0:19:16but they can be traumatic, I realise that now.
0:19:16 > 0:19:22So I am going to put misleading loo signs into Room 101.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:25 > 0:19:27For the old folks.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Let's take a look at the next category.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49Seems quite broad. What kind of people wind up David?
0:19:55 > 0:20:01People who phone you and ask you to do surveys, er...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03over the phone.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08The reason I say this is because I used to do this job.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11The last job I had was ringing people
0:20:11 > 0:20:15and asking them to rate their clingfilm out of ten.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Really, what information are you possibly going to get from them?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21And you don't care, as the person doing it,
0:20:21 > 0:20:24cos you're being paid 3.60 an hour to do it,
0:20:24 > 0:20:26so you just write down whatever you fancy
0:20:26 > 0:20:29and they just say whatever's going to get you
0:20:29 > 0:20:31off the phone as quickly as possible.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Also, what will you learn about clingfilm from this conversation?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38I'll tell you what information we learn, it was always the same.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40"How would you rate your clingfilm out of ten?"
0:20:40 > 0:20:44"I'd give it five out of ten." "Why are you dropping the five marks?"
0:20:44 > 0:20:46"Cos it's difficult to find the start."
0:20:48 > 0:20:50If anyone had done proper research,
0:20:50 > 0:20:54would there be any green or yellow sweets at all?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Do you know anyone, if you offer them a selection of sweets,
0:20:58 > 0:21:01and there's green and yellow, who'll go, "I love the yellows!"
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Never, ever. If they'd been done... Am I right about this?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- AUDIENCE: Yeah. - If there'd been research,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10there would be no green and yellow sweets, just black, red,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12maybe orange for that kind of wacky outsider character.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I like the green ones!
0:21:14 > 0:21:18The yellow ones, correct, they're made of wee.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21What about, while we're on the sweet subject,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25what about the sort of liquorice cylinder in liquorice allsorts?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Yeah!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- Now, why do they exi...? You don't like those?- Lovely!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Well, for starters, it's called "liquor-iss".
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- Is it?!- I'd say "liquor-iss".
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Not in England, we don't.- Really?
0:21:39 > 0:21:44We pronounce the SS... We pronounce the C-E, "Sh".
0:21:44 > 0:21:45You say "liquor-iss"?
0:21:45 > 0:21:50- I've never heard that before. - Oh, well, I'll take "not-ish" in the future.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:53 > 0:21:59OK. What kind of people wind up Larry Lamb?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Hold on a minute.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09What is it, Larry?
0:22:09 > 0:22:13People who don't put things back in the right place.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Ah!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16- Like a remote.- Yes.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Like a phone, that's very handy
0:22:18 > 0:22:21until somebody's had it in the lavatory and left it in there
0:22:21 > 0:22:23and you're running round, trying to find it,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26or the remote control's buried under a sofa,
0:22:26 > 0:22:30and nobody ever, ever thinks to put it back.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33That drives me bonkers.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Are you saying, Larry, that people in your house...
0:22:36 > 0:22:38use the phone whilst on the lavatory?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Oh, ho, ho. Oh, absolutely.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43I don't mind if they use the phone whilst they're on the lavatory,
0:22:43 > 0:22:47but don't leave it because something distracts you, go off and leave it in there.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- Cos it's probably... - Can I say, I mind.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- OK, and the remote? - And the remote controls...
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- That is tricky.- Endless, endless.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Or the battery - somehow or other, somebody's flipped the thing off the back
0:23:01 > 0:23:03and one of the batteries has gone missing,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06or they've borrowed the battery for something else
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and so you've two remote controls and one set of batteries.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12So you've got to take the batteries out to put in that one
0:23:12 > 0:23:15to turn it on and take them back so you can tune it in.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18I mean, we've had this in my house, I have to tell you.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Absolute madness!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I can tell this is the voice of experience.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27You said, "What do you want to put in 101?" That's one of the things!
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Right. Well, let's hope it ends up in 101 and not next door in 102.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Speaking of the bathroom, how are you with toilet rolls?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41The people who will finish the toilet roll, right...
0:23:42 > 0:23:47..and leave that cardboard core there and go away!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Why don't they automatically just take a roll and put it back on?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- I hate that.- Me, too!
0:23:54 > 0:23:57I want a toilet roll to be all soft and cuddly.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00I don't want to see its stark inner workings.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It's like when you go to the theatre -
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- I don't want to see the wall at the back.- It's the principle of it -
0:24:06 > 0:24:09why, when you've finished it, don't you replace it?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Oh, man. It takes all the glamour out of going to the toilet.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Absolutely!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- Absolutely. No joy.- I'm with you.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Especially if you don't notice and then it's like,
0:24:18 > 0:24:22"CAN YOU GET ME A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER?" All of that going on.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I've used the cardboard before now.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Absolutely.- I have! - The best thing to do is...
0:24:26 > 0:24:29It goes to a natural point if you unravel.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30GROANING
0:24:30 > 0:24:34Or...you can dip it in water and soften it up.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36If you can reach the sink.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40If I could reach the sink, I'd just use my hands and then rinse.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41GROANING
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I'm talking about in an emergency!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Absolutely!
0:24:45 > 0:24:49This is the domestic Bear Grylls, that's what's going on.
0:24:50 > 0:24:55OK, what kind of people don't Lauren Laverne like?
0:25:01 > 0:25:02Hm.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I don't like music snobs.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09- Really?- Yeah, really. - And you a 6Music person, as well.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Well, you know, I like your kind of more alternative,
0:25:12 > 0:25:14maybe a little bit odder, more quirky music,
0:25:14 > 0:25:18but I think music snobbery is a lose-lose situation.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22I've never met actually any musician who is a music snob.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23Really?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26They're people who think they know better than everyone,
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I suppose like all other snobs,
0:25:28 > 0:25:30but actually they've usually got rubbish taste.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34They take the joy out of something that's meant to be brilliant.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I got accused of being a music snob recently.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40A friend of mine said she was going to see Take That,
0:25:40 > 0:25:42and I said I wouldn't go and see Take That
0:25:42 > 0:25:44if they were playing in my kitchen.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47And not only that, but I live in an open-plan flat.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I wouldn't need to actually go through a door.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53That's because I don't like Take That.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Why does that make me a bad person? - Not liking Take That doesn't make you a bad person.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00It's, you know, you don't have to like any kind of music...
0:26:00 > 0:26:04It's also attached to this kind of idea that really annoys me
0:26:04 > 0:26:07that, you know, people get angry about music that they don't like.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11Imagine that it's something else, say ice cream.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13You don't like pistachio ice cream -
0:26:13 > 0:26:15you don't rage about the fact that it exists!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19"Pistachio ice cream is an insult to strawberry ice cream!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22"That's the one I like! Pistachio should be un-invented!"
0:26:22 > 0:26:25You don't make that argument, why would you do this?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Music is like ice cream -
0:26:26 > 0:26:29people are trying to make a nice thing that people will like.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33If you don't like it, fine. Go and have another flavour.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Ooh, I don't know. I mean, it's not just music.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40In comedy, David, you get snobbery as well.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45Certain types of comics are seen as fashionable and others not,
0:26:45 > 0:26:46and certain types of jokes.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49For example, if I walk down the street
0:26:49 > 0:26:52and I see a really attractive woman, right?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55I always like to go...
0:26:55 > 0:26:56HONK! HONK!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Some people condemn that as juvenile.
0:27:04 > 0:27:10When sampling first came out - you know, when people used to sample bits of other people's records -
0:27:10 > 0:27:12there was a lot of snobbery about that.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14People would say, "That is outrageous!"
0:27:14 > 0:27:15And now we absolutely accept it.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I think that that was the earliest form of recycling.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23When we came up with the theme music for this show, I said,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26"Well, why pay someone to do a new one?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29"Why don't we just make do and do a bit of DIY?"
0:27:29 > 0:27:32This is what I wanted the theme for this show to be like. Room 1-0...
0:27:32 > 0:27:34MUSIC: "The One Show" Theme
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Room 1-0...
0:27:35 > 0:27:36# One... #
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Room 1-0...
0:27:38 > 0:27:39# One... #
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I think it would've been, er...
0:27:41 > 0:27:44APPLAUSE
0:27:48 > 0:27:52But the snobbery can go the other way. I went to see Legally Blonde.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54You know the musical, Legally Blonde?
0:27:54 > 0:27:57And on the way in, a young woman came up to me and said,
0:27:57 > 0:27:59"I don't think this is for you."
0:28:01 > 0:28:04Can you believe that? And I... It brought out the worst in me.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07I said, "I don't think it's JUST for idiots."
0:28:07 > 0:28:11APPLAUSE
0:28:13 > 0:28:16OK, well, it's.. This is...
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Cos I agree...
0:28:18 > 0:28:22I agree that, er, market researchers,
0:28:22 > 0:28:25if they don't use the information, are just wrong.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29I think that musical snobbery can be a terrible sort of straitjacket.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33But I have to say, when we got to the toilet rolls, Larry...
0:28:33 > 0:28:39It's worked out here that it's the toilet theme that wins in this show.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41And I am going to put...
0:28:41 > 0:28:45people who don't put things back in the right place into Room 101.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Let's take a look at the next category.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08This is the Wildcard round, because sometimes
0:29:08 > 0:29:12we feel we constrain you too much in your hatred and dislikes.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15So now there's no restraints, no category,
0:29:15 > 0:29:16you can choose whatever you like.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19And we're going to start with Larry.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21What is Larry's wildcard?
0:29:27 > 0:29:30I suppose it's going back to where we were with David,
0:29:30 > 0:29:37it's people who actually go out in public in fancy dress.
0:29:37 > 0:29:44- Ah.- It's that thing of... God, it's my old Captain Hook hat.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46I suppose it's when you're an actor
0:29:46 > 0:29:48and you get to dress up all the time, it's...
0:29:48 > 0:29:50But look, you can't resist it, Larry!
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- I know, exactly.- Oh, that's good.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54It's silly to leave it all in the box.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57Ooh, you've gone a bit camp in that hat.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Oh, I do! That's the thing. It depends.
0:29:59 > 0:30:04You see, you get... Ooh, look at this one here!
0:30:04 > 0:30:05Ooh! But, no...
0:30:05 > 0:30:09I can see you're a man who's utterly governed by headgear.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Completely, sweetheart!
0:30:11 > 0:30:15But no, the thing is, just as David was saying,
0:30:15 > 0:30:18it's people wandering around in fancy dress.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22I'll tell you what I like, I'm not very keen on the hire shop.
0:30:22 > 0:30:26I think if you go to a fancy dress party or wear fancy dress,
0:30:26 > 0:30:29it should be stuff you just find at home.
0:30:29 > 0:30:30That seems to be the craic.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Like, I had this... I thought this was a very clever idea,
0:30:33 > 0:30:39to go to a fancy dress party dressed as my girlfriend, right?
0:30:39 > 0:30:42At least that's what I told her when she came home early.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47Larry, now, I'm not taking the mick now,
0:30:47 > 0:30:52but are you not tempted to go to fancy dress things as a lamb?
0:30:54 > 0:31:00Ooh, ooh, if only you knew how far off the beam you are there.
0:31:00 > 0:31:05We've got a clip from a local news story about a man who did go to
0:31:05 > 0:31:11a fancy dress party as Larry the Lamb and things went horribly wrong.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15About a month ago, Peter Buck was out celebrating
0:31:15 > 0:31:17on a fancy dress bus party for a birthday.
0:31:17 > 0:31:21But when a bit of his Larry the Lamb costume came loose,
0:31:21 > 0:31:24he and some friends decided to burn it off with a lighter.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28In moments, his entire outfit was alight.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33It was here outside the Drunken Duck where Pete's costume burst into flames.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36In a panic, he ran out into the street.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39A passing car had to swerve to avoid hitting him.
0:31:39 > 0:31:42Now, fortunately for Pete, one of the friends out with him
0:31:42 > 0:31:44that night was firefighter Paul Bisson,
0:31:44 > 0:31:48who, as it happens, was dressed as Jesus Christ on the night.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51He chased after Pete, telling him to stop, drop and roll,
0:31:51 > 0:31:55but eventually had to bear-hug him to help put out the flames.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04I should say, for those of you at home who are worried,
0:32:04 > 0:32:08that he had a few burns on his arms, but he's perfectly all right now.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Especially with a bit of mint sauce.
0:32:11 > 0:32:16OK, let's have a look what is Lauren's wild card.
0:32:23 > 0:32:24Flags.
0:32:26 > 0:32:28You don't like flags?
0:32:28 > 0:32:31Nothing good has ever come from a flag.
0:32:31 > 0:32:35Wars, nationalism, racism,
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Geri Halliwell at the BRITs that time.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41Nothing good has ever come out of a flag.
0:32:41 > 0:32:42And linesmen.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44Well, I don't know, I mean...
0:32:44 > 0:32:47It would be tough for a linesman if you put flags in Room 101.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49They'd have to run up and down going...
0:32:49 > 0:32:52Well, all right, maybe there's practical problems for it,
0:32:52 > 0:32:56but I mean, I think they're divisive, I think they're bad for humankind.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00Broadly, I'm not saying they weren't necessary in the past,
0:33:00 > 0:33:02but I think now, it's time to move on
0:33:02 > 0:33:06and, you know, we're all on one little quite vulnerable planet,
0:33:06 > 0:33:08we all need to work together as a people.
0:33:08 > 0:33:12I mean, I'd maybe allow, like, a plain white flag with the name
0:33:12 > 0:33:17of each country written across, in a pre-globally agreed font.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19In regulation font size.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22You wouldn't see anybody waving that and starting a war with it.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Nobody would be making them into beach towels.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27I've got some examples of what are brilliant flags.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30This is the Sicilian flag.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35You know, I think I saw that act in cabaret.
0:33:35 > 0:33:39It's Sicily, so it's probably just the Mafia cut off her legs.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Well, they actually added a leg.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Or as you'd say in Ireland, they added an arm.
0:33:51 > 0:33:55This was the flag for Benin, in Africa.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59Ooh! You see, this is what I'm talking about.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02- This is exactly it.- I mean, that's just looking for trouble.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06Also, it looks like the man on the right was trying to tippy-toe past.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11He wasn't even looking for trouble. "Oh, he hasn't seen me...
0:34:11 > 0:34:12"Ow!"
0:34:13 > 0:34:16OK, I'm taking that on board.
0:34:16 > 0:34:20What is David's wildcard?
0:34:26 > 0:34:28It's not Alex from the One Show?
0:34:30 > 0:34:34It is being 35 years old.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36I've recently become 35
0:34:36 > 0:34:39and I realise age ain't nothing but a number,
0:34:39 > 0:34:44but it is also a very accurate barometer of how old you are.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50And 35 is the first truly disappointing age.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54You just never hear of 35-year-olds doing anything
0:34:54 > 0:34:56particularly innovative or interesting.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58You're not young any more, and anyway,
0:34:58 > 0:35:01if you look at the news, it's, "This seven-year-old
0:35:01 > 0:35:04"has invented the internet on crisps," or whatever it is.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06But 35-year-olds, it's always much darker,
0:35:06 > 0:35:08it's always - "The suspect,
0:35:08 > 0:35:12"35, exposed himself to the mourners in the pet cemetery,"
0:35:12 > 0:35:14or whatever it happens to be.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18But I should say that Van Gogh painted the Sunflowers
0:35:18 > 0:35:19when he was 35.
0:35:19 > 0:35:21And look how he turned out!
0:35:22 > 0:35:27Well, I don't know about... I don't have terrible sympathy,
0:35:27 > 0:35:29as I am about 20 years older.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- I know, but...- No, you don't know.
0:35:32 > 0:35:33- I realise...- You think you know.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37I'll tell you what I've started to get just lately, Larry -
0:35:37 > 0:35:40and see if we're brothers in this - I've started to find
0:35:40 > 0:35:43- that my throat is getting slightly affected by breeze.- By breeze?
0:35:43 > 0:35:47- Yeah.- You start feeling cold in places you never felt cold.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51- No, I'm on about it actually moves, my throat.- Oh, does it?
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- I occasionally wear a dicky bow as a wind break.- Do you?
0:35:54 > 0:35:59I would say 30 is probably the cut-off point.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01I think you're being a bit optimistic, 35.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06I always thought I was fairly washed-up...
0:36:06 > 0:36:11I went to a Club 18-30 do. I got completely mixed up,
0:36:11 > 0:36:13I went as Alfred Lord Tennyson.
0:36:16 > 0:36:21For the first time, I had a creaky knee and I went to the doctor,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24and rather than prescribing a cure or anything, he just went,
0:36:24 > 0:36:27"You're 35!"
0:36:27 > 0:36:29But that is what happens.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32I did my back in. I was standing backstage
0:36:32 > 0:36:34and a young comedian came up and said, "Are you all right?"
0:36:34 > 0:36:36I said, "No, my back's killing me."
0:36:36 > 0:36:40He said, "What happened?" I suddenly realised that when you get older,
0:36:40 > 0:36:43injuries don't come with an anecdote any more.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46They used to be, "I fell off a horse," or "I was climbing a wall drunk."
0:36:46 > 0:36:49Now, "I woke up one morning and it just hurt."
0:36:49 > 0:36:53- "What happened?" "It was erosion." - Exactly!
0:36:55 > 0:36:57You used to work in marketing.
0:36:57 > 0:37:0318 to 35 is, that's... Isn't that a classic category?
0:37:03 > 0:37:08Well, the categories that we worked on, in my tele-marketing era,
0:37:08 > 0:37:12was the zero to 18, and they're... They like brightly coloured things.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14And then there's 18 to 34,
0:37:14 > 0:37:17and they're the key demographic, because they're the people
0:37:17 > 0:37:20who feel emotion and fall in love and take risks.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23And then there's just 35 to death.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27We all like Michael Buble and driving gloves.
0:37:30 > 0:37:34OK. Well, this is... It's an interesting one, this.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38I can't go with fancy dress, because I love dressing up so much.
0:37:38 > 0:37:39It's a joyous thing,
0:37:39 > 0:37:42and I love to see it at the Test Match and all that.
0:37:42 > 0:37:47And David has got a terrible sadness about him in this,
0:37:47 > 0:37:52- but I'm going to put flags into Room 101.- Hooray!
0:37:52 > 0:37:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:02 > 0:38:05And that brings us to the end of the show,
0:38:05 > 0:38:09and my most persuasive guest tonight was Lauren, so well done, Lauren.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11You are the winner.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17And as winner, you get one free,
0:38:17 > 0:38:21unchallenged choice that goes straight into Room 101.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24- Ooh, adult animals. - OK! I know what you mean.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27- Baby animals are lovely.- Yeah. - Adult animals, I can...
0:38:27 > 0:38:29Yeah, exactly.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32I like animals, but you need a cut-off point.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35OK, adult animals will go into Room 101.
0:38:39 > 0:38:44Well, thanks very much to Lauren, to David and to Larry, and thank YOU.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46And goodnight.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd