0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39the show where three guests compete
0:00:39 > 0:00:43to get their pet hates exiled for ever to the dark vault.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Joining me tonight are comedian Miranda Hart,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48broadcaster John Craven and presenter Reggie Yates.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58So, let's have our first category.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06It's food and drink. OK.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09So, what doesn't Miranda like about food and drink?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I don't like fruit or veg out of context.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26So you might look at this and you think, "A banana in a hot dog?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30"That's ridiculous." Well, that is no more ridiculous...
0:01:30 > 0:01:33In fact, that's slightly less ridiculous to me
0:01:33 > 0:01:36than a pineapple, an exotic fruit, on a pizza.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40A pineapple has no place mucking about with ham...
0:01:40 > 0:01:44APPLAUSE Thank you! ..tomato and dough. It's an exotic fruit.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49So I'd like to focus on vegetables out of context, if I may, Sir Frank.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- OK.- And I'll start you off... You've just been knighted.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55A little bit premature.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58This goes out after the New Year Honours list.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04I will firstly give you the carrot cake.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Unacceptable. A carrot in a cake.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Either eat vegetables, or eat a cake.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I think vegetables are getting very cocky and they're infiltrating,
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- they're infiltrating fun foods.- Yes.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20I think you should only eat vegetables
0:02:20 > 0:02:22if they're in a scenario where you could pour gravy on them.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Would you pour gravy on a cake?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27No, you'd look, at best, a loon. Stop it.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31- And then now we're getting beetroot cake.- Mmm.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Beetroot in a cake?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36And then people say, "Oh, but it's a sugar replacement."
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Well, don't have cake, then!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41What about if they're tasty?
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Like, a carrot cake is quite tasty.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It's a nice pudding.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47But it's got carrot in it.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48LAUGHTER
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I admit it's the shock of seeing something where it ought not to be.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I mean, people talk about broken Britain.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I personally think the day Britain broke
0:02:56 > 0:02:59was when someone put a piece of lime in the top of a beer bottle.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Yes. Well, there you go.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- That is a fruit out of context. - Yeah. Why is it there?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07No. I don't even like a raisin in a Garibaldi. There, I said it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Wow. I'm sorry. I think you've gone too far.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13No.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- I like a pineapple in a pizza. - Ooh.- Do you?- Yeah.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I can't look at you, John.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19LAUGHTER
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I never thought I'd say that to John Craven.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28I make myself, um, cheese and Brussels sprout sandwiches.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30AUDIENCE: Ugh!
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Have you tried them?
0:03:32 > 0:03:37They're lovely because the heat of the sprout melts the cheese and er...
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Are you serious? - I'm absolutely serious.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42In bread, like in a roll?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Yeah, a sandwich. You've heard of the concept of the sandwich.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Not with Brussels sprouts in it, Frank.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51I don't think I've gone exotic here.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53OK. Well, you argue your case well.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57I'm going to see what John Craven doesn't like about food and drink.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Nothing good can be said about a marrow.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Well, we'll see.- It is tasteless,
0:04:12 > 0:04:16it's got an awful, soggy texture that makes me want to choke.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Marrow serves no useful purpose whatsoever,
0:04:20 > 0:04:25apart from maybe being the biggest vegetable anybody can grow, often.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- You know, I think the biggest marrow ever was about eight stone.- Yeah?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31So that's fine. You know, grow it for a bit of fun,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33and then throw it away. Don't eat it.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39- I'm guessing, John, that you have judged a giant marrow contest in your time.- I have.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40I knew you had.
0:04:40 > 0:04:45What I do like about a marrow is the fact that, as you say, it's so dull,
0:04:45 > 0:04:49so that when it's stuffed, it really is just an edible bowl.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54- That's right.- It's like celery. Celery is an edible spoon.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57You use it as a big spoon,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- don't you, to eat cottage cheese, say.- Yeah.
0:04:59 > 0:05:04If you eat it on its own, it's got that horrible string...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Marrow, you mean?
0:05:06 > 0:05:07It's like eating a violin.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Nothing anybody can say will convince me
0:05:12 > 0:05:15that marrow should not be in Room 101.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- OK. Well, blimey, you've argued that very strongly.- Gosh.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21You see, one thing I would say about it is
0:05:21 > 0:05:23vegetables of a certain shape
0:05:23 > 0:05:26are absolutely essential to British comedy.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34You know, the marrow, the cucumber, for some of us, the courgette.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER
0:05:37 > 0:05:39It features in some of the...
0:05:39 > 0:05:42There's an artistic use of, er, a vegetable.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46This, for example. This is the John Craven marrow.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51That's amazing.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54APPLAUSE
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Well, how about that?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02You can have that, John.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Well, thank you, Frank.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08- We have, um... Do you know who Snoop Dogg is?- No.- OK.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11I would have been more upset had he said yes.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16- Yeah. Snoop Dogg is one of them rappers.- Ah.- Yeah.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17No, I wouldn't know.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20And, um, this is an amazing story.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24A man grew the heaviest swede in the world,
0:06:24 > 0:06:28and he got a message via YouTube from Snoop Dogg, asking for,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31and I quote, "Advice on how to grow vegetation."
0:06:35 > 0:06:40When he was over here, Snoop Dogg, he invited this guy to a gig
0:06:40 > 0:06:42and this is what he had to say.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- So, Snoop heard about your talent, didn't he?- Yes, yes.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49And, um, he kind of got in touch over YouTube.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51What did you think when you heard that message?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Bit strange, but, er, it's not my type of scene,
0:06:54 > 0:06:56so I did turn the ticket down,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58but in the end we went to the booking office
0:06:58 > 0:07:00and managed to get them back.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I got my VIP pass with me to show my friends.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04And you met him last night.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Met him last night, and I had a smoke with him.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I don't smoke, but he offered me one, so I took one.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- I'm hoping that's just tobacco. - No, it wasn't!
0:07:12 > 0:07:14LAUGHTER
0:07:22 > 0:07:26I love that. OK, what's Reggie's food and drink pet hate?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- Yoghurt drinks. I can't stand 'em. - Ah.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37There's drinks, there's soft drinks, there's milkshake,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39and then there's yoghurt drinks.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Why would you want a yoghurt drink?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- It just doesn't make sense. - Mmm.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46On a warm day, you wouldn't drink milk,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49so why would you drink yoghurt? I don't understand.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Why is a milkshake acceptable and not a yoghurt shake?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Because it tastes good. It doesn't taste like yoghurt.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Yoghurt really annoys me because it's disgusting
0:08:00 > 0:08:02and it's just gone-off stuff.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I don't want a cup of gone-off stuff.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I want a nice, fruity beverage that's refreshing.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10This is ridiculous.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13OK.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16But a yoghurt has things called probiotics in it, which is, like,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- well good for you and stuff, isn't it?- Very good for you.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21So, in your face with that.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27If I'm going to have a dairy-based drink, I like it to taste nice.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I also like it to go toe-to-toe with irritable bowel syndrome.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- Yeah.- I tell you what I have a problem with.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- The Fruit Corner. Are you familiar with the Fruit Corner?- Yeah, yeah.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Because that's not a yoghurt, that's a yoghurt kit.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43I don't want to make my yoghurt, I want it to come...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45The problem with that, is it can go wrong
0:08:45 > 0:08:49because you have to do that weird thing where you flip the fruit into the yoghurt,
0:08:49 > 0:08:53and if it goes wrong you've ruined the entire thing. Then you're just left with yoghurt,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55which is just as bad as this nonsense.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- I don't flip the fruit in. - Do you not?- No.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02- I have a bit of yoghurt, then a bit of fruit, a bit of yoghurt and a bit of fruit.- You maverick.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04LAUGHTER
0:09:04 > 0:09:07You been hanging out with Snoop Dogg?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13What would you say was the most masculine drink that exists?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15See, I don't drink. I don't drink alcohol,
0:09:15 > 0:09:19but I've always liked the idea of getting a short, stubby glass of brandy
0:09:19 > 0:09:22and sitting at a piano and smoking a cigar.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24That's a really nice, cool, man thing to do,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27but I don't smoke and I don't drink so I'll never do that,
0:09:27 > 0:09:29but I really like the idea of that.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Can I ask, do you play the piano? - No!
0:09:31 > 0:09:32LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:40I ask about the macho thing because someone sent me this,
0:09:40 > 0:09:42which is called... You see that? Oyster Stout.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I don't know if you can read the bottom of that.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46"Stout made with bull testicles."
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Oh. Shall I taste it?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- Do you want to taste it? - Can I taste it?- Yeah, certainly.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I just sort of feel like one of us should.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58John, do you want to do it?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00No, I'm really happy for you to try it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Let's hope you don't develop a taste for it.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09That's quite a thick froth that came out the can there.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER AND GROANING
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Oh, Reggie!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Grow up!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19It's a funny description.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23It calls itself, "A luscious, uniquely ballsy stout..."
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Oh, I see.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27" ..with flavours of roasted barley, coffee and nuts."
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Here we go.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34It's like being on I'm A Celebrity.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43- Oh, that is rank.- Is it horrible?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Try some, John. Oh, that's really disgusting.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- It's an awful colour as well. - Are you going to try it, John?
0:10:50 > 0:10:54That's like drinking metal. Oh, no, that's not nice.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58- Yuck.- It tastes of...- There's a really strong taste of liquorice.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02It tastes of... Hmm, what is it? Testicles.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05But John presents Countryfile,
0:11:05 > 0:11:07so it won't be the first time he's gone home
0:11:07 > 0:11:08smelling of bull's testicles.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13OK, so we've come to the end of that round.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14I think, the yoghurt drink thing,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17I wouldn't want to get rid of probiotics
0:11:17 > 0:11:20because I think they are sort of good for people,
0:11:20 > 0:11:24so I think you're going to throw out the baby with the bath water.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26The marrow, I can't let that go
0:11:26 > 0:11:30because there's been so many fabulous visual jokes about it.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34But Miranda, I think you make a good point
0:11:34 > 0:11:36that things like carrot cake - they're cake.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Why don't they just 'fess up and be honest about it?
0:11:39 > 0:11:43So I am going to put fruit and veg out of context into Room 101.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Yes!
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02It's technology. All right.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05So, what is John's technology hate?
0:12:11 > 0:12:16It is electronic books. I hate electronic books.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18CHEERING
0:12:20 > 0:12:24With a real book, you know, you can actually feel it.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26It's a very physical thing, a real book.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28You turn the pages,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31you can put it back on the shelf and feel good about it,
0:12:31 > 0:12:34you can have your little bookmark to mark your spot in it.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Electronic books have none of that sort of thing.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Electronic books are just another gadget.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44My real worry is that eventually
0:12:44 > 0:12:48so many people will go for this easy, electronic read
0:12:48 > 0:12:50that we'll start losing our bookshops,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53and I don't want books to disappear.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55So please...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58CHEERING
0:13:00 > 0:13:04The eBook is going to end up saving the, er, Amazon rainforest.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05- Certainly end up saving Amazon. - No, no.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07LAUGHTER
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I just think that...
0:13:09 > 0:13:15I mean, I have a Kindle, and, er, I've also got, um,
0:13:15 > 0:13:20an iPad and an iPod, and I'm just thinking, in the '80s,
0:13:20 > 0:13:25I really got into inflatable furniture. I had a whole house...
0:13:25 > 0:13:29If I'd kept that and those things, I'd be able to move house in a briefcase.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Do you have any ordinary books, then, Frank?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I still have the ordinary books.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39I don't go around burning books. But that's a point.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41If the Nazis had had Kindles,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45they wouldn't have been so frightening if they were in the street, deleting books.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53OK, well, it's a strong case.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56What doesn't Reggie like about technology?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04I can't bear Bluetooth headsets.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Wow.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07They are incredibly annoying.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10That's genius. I've only just seen it.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14They're incredibly annoying and unfortunately
0:14:14 > 0:14:18the majority of the people that actually use them are incredibly annoying people.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21No offence. Thank you. Thank you.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27They have been a source of great relief to me, though.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28If you're walking down the street
0:14:28 > 0:14:30and there's someone coming towards you
0:14:30 > 0:14:32who you think might be talking to themselves,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34and you get close, "Oh, thank God, they've got a..."
0:14:34 > 0:14:40Any piece of technology that makes you look like you might be mad
0:14:40 > 0:14:42surely should go in Room 101.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45That's a very good way of classifying it, I must say.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48They are quite expensive.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49- Yeah, they're not cheap. - I had a great...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Tell me, someone else might have come up with this idea.
0:14:52 > 0:14:59I think this is brilliant. This is, er, my method of a cheap hands-free.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00That's brilliant.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09Yeah. Excellent. I've also found a way of saving money.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11You know an iPod...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Have you seen these gloves? These are proper phones,
0:15:26 > 0:15:30- and they have a speaker in the finger, the little finger.- No way.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Honestly. A speaker - you can feel it there -
0:15:32 > 0:15:38- and the earpiece is in there, so you actually do that.- No way.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Is it wrong that I really want a pair of those gloves?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- Amazing.- They are excellent.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48See, that's actually kind of annoying.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Like, I can imagine my girlfriend or my little sister
0:15:50 > 0:15:52getting really annoyed at me using that,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55but I'd take so much pleasure in using that and annoying people,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58as opposed to this. The people that use these think they look cool.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- Yeah.- They think they're space age,
0:16:00 > 0:16:02and they have their phone clipped on their belt,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05just in case you didn't know this was connected to that.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Whereas with that, you know you look like a plonker.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- You're enjoying it.- My problem is -
0:16:10 > 0:16:12and you won't know this because you're a young man, Reggie -
0:16:12 > 0:16:19but the ears get very hairy, and I'm worried that it might get overgrown.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23It'll be like a blinking blue light showing through the undergrowth,
0:16:23 > 0:16:27like a police car parked on a forest clearing.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29LAUGHTER
0:16:32 > 0:16:36OK. What's Miranda's technology hate?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- I hate the smartphone. - "Smart phone". See?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47I see what they've done there. That's clever.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Got a degree, you see.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Well, I should admit I have a smartphone.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I have one of the kind that's named by a fruit,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56which is another fruit out of context.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59And I have a mild addiction to it,
0:16:59 > 0:17:03and that is my worry, that we are all addicted to our phones.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06So I have a two-pronged attack.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08One is the more serious, er, campaign,
0:17:08 > 0:17:13which is that I genuinely worry where the younger generation,
0:17:13 > 0:17:17where our artists, screenwriters, authors, er, are going to come from,
0:17:17 > 0:17:24because the "yoot" of today are just constantly on screens.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28There's no... A journey now is, "Let's check my emails."
0:17:28 > 0:17:30There's no dreaming, looking out the window.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32We're not going for walks any more.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35We're not going on journeys any more. We're not communicating.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37We're in this sort of world of just looking at a screen,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40so I worry what's happening to people's imaginations.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42That's the serious point about it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46My other point is that it's created text speak, which I...
0:17:46 > 0:17:49if I hear someone say "OMG", I will kill them in the face.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54LOL, it's created, which is a disaster for the 40s and over.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57People still think that means "lots of love",
0:17:57 > 0:18:00so therefore you get hilarious but awful incidences
0:18:00 > 0:18:02where you might have someone text someone and go,
0:18:02 > 0:18:06"I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. LOL. Mary."
0:18:09 > 0:18:11That sort of thing.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Just everything about it is irritating and wrong,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17and we need to go back to a simpler life. Thank you. Applause.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28I like the way it's become people's conscience, though, the mobile phone.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31So you sit with someone and they've got their phone there,
0:18:31 > 0:18:33and they'll say, "Oh, I saw Susan last night.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36"God, she's got fat. She looked absolutely... Hold on."
0:18:37 > 0:18:40"She looked absolutely..." I love that.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Yeah.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44What about photo bombing? Are you aware of that?
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- No.- Everyone now carries a camera with them at all times,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50which never used to be the case.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53No-one asks for autographs any more, they always want a photo.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56What you do is, when you see someone having their photo took,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- you sneak in and... - Oh, yes. Brilliant.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04..and become a presence. We have some examples of this.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07LAUGHTER
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Nice.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14And then, um, you'll like this one, John.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Oh! That's amazing!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And a slightly terrifying one.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- That is a stingray.- No!
0:19:25 > 0:19:31But just look behind the ray. Can you see somebody's head?
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- Oh, yeah.- Oh, yeah.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Oh, so that man has grabbed the ray and put it on those ladies.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41Well spotted. So someone has actually photo bombed the ray.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42LAUGHTER
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Well, I don't agree with the creativity thing.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49See, if I have an idea, I make a note of it on my smartphone,
0:19:49 > 0:19:50and I read books on my smartphone.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53I've got the complete works of Shakespeare
0:19:53 > 0:19:55and the King James Bible on my smartphone.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Absolutely, but what about the youth of the day?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00I don't care about them.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Also, I love books as well, John,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06but because I love books,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I love the idea of being able
0:20:08 > 0:20:12to carry a hundred books with me all the time. It's the words that count.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14It's receiving wisdom from these great writers.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16That's what I think it's all about.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19But I do think people that wear Bluetooth headsets
0:20:19 > 0:20:22do look like they need a smack in the face.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24APPLAUSE
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I'm going to put Bluetooth headsets into Room 101.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47OK, what doesn't Reggie like about modern life?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54False nails.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Literally, 50 people just went...
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- Me included.- I can't bear acrylic nails. It's horrible.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12They don't look real. You're not fooling anyone.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15They're that long and they're shiny and luminous pink.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Got a feeling they're not yours.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19And the worst thing about them is that when they grow out,
0:21:19 > 0:21:21people don't want to get new ones,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25so they paint the gap between their real nail and the acrylic nail.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28And you've got this horrible flat bit, then this horrible lump where
0:21:28 > 0:21:30the acrylic nail is attached to it by glue,
0:21:30 > 0:21:35and it just looks horrendous. False nails, Room 101. I thank you.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Wow.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- You really won't like mine, Reggie, because...- Oh, God.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Mine are based on those little drinking yoghurts.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:22:02I think, isn't it part of nature's mating ritual that people
0:22:02 > 0:22:06put stuff on their faces and dress up and make their nails look long?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09You know what, I'm all for people painting their nails.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12I think it's lovely when someone looks after... I love a manicure.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Never had one. But I love it when I see people get them. It looks great.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18But so many young girls get the horrible clip-on business,
0:22:18 > 0:22:20and when you get that done, it just looks really bad.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- It's so horrible. - What do you think, John?
0:22:23 > 0:22:27I remember Dolly Parton having very big nails, very long nails.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29LAUGHTER
0:22:29 > 0:22:35You're the only person in the world who would have put "nails"
0:22:35 > 0:22:37at the end of that sentence.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41As he was doing it, I'm afraid you went like that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43He went like that.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44- Massive nails.- Massive nails.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- Huge nails.- Yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Did you say, "Phwoar, look at the nails on that?"
0:22:51 > 0:22:53I wonder if they're real!
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Well, we have a picture of the woman who supposedly has
0:23:06 > 0:23:09the longest nails on the planet. This is Chris Walton.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11GROANING
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Begs a lot of questions, that, doesn't it?- It does.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I think a bidet is the answer.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30We've actually got, this is a bit of a souvenir of this woman.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31This is her oven glove.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44OK. So what doesn't John like about modern life?
0:23:50 > 0:23:55I don't like the way that common normal names are
0:23:55 > 0:24:00spelt differently these days just to make it sound unique and different.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04I'm not talking about the fancy names that pop stars
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- and people like that give their children, wacky names.- Good.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- What's your little boy called, Frank?- He's called Buzz.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18- That's all right, Buzz.- Buzz. Yes, as in, you know...- Lightyear.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Or, for you, John, Aldrin.
0:24:22 > 0:24:27You know, what I don't like is when a child, when we're doing autographs
0:24:27 > 0:24:30for little kids, as we all do, and you say, "What's your name?"
0:24:30 > 0:24:34And she says, "Daisy. That's D-A-I-Z-Y."
0:24:35 > 0:24:41They change a letter to make the name sound unique, like Michael.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44M-I-K-Y-L.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49And that means that that poor child, for the rest of its life,
0:24:49 > 0:24:54will have to go around saying, "I spell my name this way, not the normal way."
0:24:54 > 0:24:58Can I ask you, John, are you convinced that this is always deliberate?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Sometimes it might not be.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I just think, you know,
0:25:03 > 0:25:07to have to almost every day of your life, to have to say,
0:25:07 > 0:25:11"No, it's not spelt in the normal way, it's not like this,"
0:25:11 > 0:25:13must be a bit of a drag.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16But the one upside to it is that it makes it easy for everyone
0:25:16 > 0:25:18to identify who was brought up by a moron.
0:25:18 > 0:25:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I'm glad, though, that you're all right with unusual names,
0:25:27 > 0:25:32because obviously, I've already had some stick about calling my son an unusual name.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I think it's important to keep inventing new names,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- because names disappear. - Yes. That's fine.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I think we can say Adolf's gone.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44I met an Annette Curtain, genuinely.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- No!- I did! Annette Curtain.- Wow.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I said to her, "But you're a joke!"
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Are you telling me you didn't say to her, "Pull yourself together!"
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I can't believe, I can't believe you missed that opportunity.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05OK, what doesn't Miranda like about modern life?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Oh.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16I don't know why I'm on there, but it's a weather report.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19I don't like that.
0:26:19 > 0:26:25- Oh, God.- Shall we take that off and shall I just hold the cloud?- Yeah.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I can't believe I've broken your prop. That's hilarious. Yes. Anyway...
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- It's an iPhone thing. - Bluetooth, dear!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Bluetooth!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Weather forecasts. Why would anyone not like weather forecasts?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45They annoy me so much.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Because, well, I think the people who do them
0:26:49 > 0:26:52are clearly hedging their bets.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55They know that their job shouldn't really exist.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58It's always reports like, you know,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01"There will be sun today, but maybe some cloud."
0:27:01 > 0:27:04There's always maybes, there's always possibles of rain,
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- it's not an exact science.- No.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11But what annoys me more is the fact that we adhere to them
0:27:11 > 0:27:13and love them so much.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17My parents, for example, it will ruin their day.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Last year, they had their 40th wedding anniversary.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22They planned outside, they watched the weather report -
0:27:22 > 0:27:24"And in the south, there will be rain."
0:27:24 > 0:27:29"There's going to be rain! And we planned it all outside!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32"Darling, book the village hall, we'll do this, we'll cancel that," the whole thing.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35I said, "Why don't we wake up and see what the weather's like tomorrow?"
0:27:35 > 0:27:37"No, it says it's going to rain."
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Next morning, not a cloud in the sky, and I go,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43"Look, we can reschedule it now." "No, because it said it was going to rain."
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- Microclimates, that's called.- Is it?
0:27:45 > 0:27:50A microclimate, when your little bit is not what
0:27:50 > 0:27:52they say it's going to be everywhere else.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55No, it's because weather reports are a nonsense.
0:28:00 > 0:28:07I like the idea that newsreaders are quite friendly with the weather,
0:28:07 > 0:28:09and they say, "Oh, it's over to Suzanne now."
0:28:09 > 0:28:11And she says hi, and it's all lovely.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14I like it when that goes a bit wrong. Watch this.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Now, we'll have the weather forecast in a minute and,
0:28:17 > 0:28:19of course, it'll be 100% accurate
0:28:19 > 0:28:20and provide all the detail you could want.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23I've just seen Tomasz Schafernaker preparing for it. I'm not...
0:28:27 > 0:28:30There you are, then. There's always one mistake. That was it.
0:28:33 > 0:28:37- That's hilarious. - That went out live on BBC.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40I like the way he tried to mask it.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42He did the finger, but then he went...
0:28:42 > 0:28:43"I was just doing this."
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Hold it, where's my harmonica?!
0:28:48 > 0:28:51And I don't feel when it went back to the newsreader, they really helped.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53They said, "There's always one mistake, and that was it."
0:28:53 > 0:28:56I thought it was like, "There you go, you're fired."
0:28:56 > 0:28:58They should have covered it up. Yeah.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00OK, so that comes to the end of the modern life round,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03and I think that, again, you've all argued very well.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06I still believe in weather forecasts,
0:29:06 > 0:29:10and I'm actually slightly fascinated by the old meteorological things,
0:29:10 > 0:29:13so I don't feel I can let that go.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16And I do feel that false nails, they make people happy,
0:29:16 > 0:29:19and I know sometimes they can go a bit wrong,
0:29:19 > 0:29:22but I think you see a woman out in false nails,
0:29:22 > 0:29:25and they look on top of the world, and I like that.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28But I do think, I'm glad you're not anti-weird names, John,
0:29:28 > 0:29:33for obvious reasons, but I'm glad you're championing spelling,
0:29:33 > 0:29:38and so I am going to put unusual spellings of names into Room 101.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41APPLAUSE
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Next category, please.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Now, this is the wildcard round,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00when you're not constrained by any particular theme.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02You can pick anything at all that you don't like.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04So, what is Reggie's wildcard?
0:30:09 > 0:30:11- The hip-hop handshake.- Oh, right.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13- Stand up, Frank. - Yeah. I'm going to need...
0:30:13 > 0:30:15I'll show you what it is.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17- Yeah.- Right? So put your hands out,
0:30:17 > 0:30:19and I'll show you the hip-hop handshake.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21- I've seen this before. - It sort of starts there.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Oh, it starts conventionally. Yeah.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25And then it becomes all macho and masculine.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Pat me on the back.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28OK. Right, right. Yeah, OK.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31You've got to pop your waistline out because you see where... No, no, no.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32The other way.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- You can do it that way if you want. - No, no. OK.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- So you're doing it really, really, really gentle.- Yeah.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42- You've got to go for it.- Real sort of overt macho guy with it.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- Yeah. I'm a white, middle-aged man. - Do it anyway.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47That's my problem.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49This is where it gets really awkward.
0:30:49 > 0:30:53- Shall we try it?- Hey, Frank! Yo! - Hey! Hey! Hey!
0:30:59 > 0:31:04I spent a week at a meditation centre, right,
0:31:04 > 0:31:07and hugging was a very big part of it,
0:31:07 > 0:31:10and there was a very specific style of hugging.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13- John, do you want a hug with me? - Yeah, why not?- Yeah, OK.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- A hug?- So, you have to bend your knees slightly,
0:31:16 > 0:31:18but we have to interlock our knees like this.
0:31:19 > 0:31:21This way?
0:31:21 > 0:31:24Yeah, that's it. No, no, you have to get...
0:31:24 > 0:31:28I'm loving it so far. And then we hug each other. Hold tight.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31And then as I breathe out, you breathe in.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33This is three times. Out you breathe.
0:31:33 > 0:31:34Keep going.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36One more for luck.
0:31:39 > 0:31:40We'd get locked up for this.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42That was lovely, wasn't it?
0:31:48 > 0:31:51The idea is that we sort of breathe as one.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53We become one person.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Did you feel that? Did it work for you?
0:31:55 > 0:31:59I've never done it with clothes on before but...
0:32:01 > 0:32:05But that one, you see, at least there is something to learn.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08I feel like if I don't know the hip-hop handshake,
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- I'm being a bit disrespectful or something.- Well, here's the thing.
0:32:11 > 0:32:12It's becoming more and more popular
0:32:12 > 0:32:14and more and more people are doing it.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17The point when I realised it was becoming an epidemic
0:32:17 > 0:32:18was when I saw it at the Olympics,
0:32:18 > 0:32:21where you had gold medallists from different countries
0:32:21 > 0:32:24doing this weird handshake with each other,
0:32:24 > 0:32:26like they were saying hello to Jay-Z and P Diddy.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29That shouldn't happen at the Olympics.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32A normal handshake will do, and should do, I believe.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34- Did it always flow?- No.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36That's the worst thing about it.
0:32:36 > 0:32:40It's happened a couple of times to me, when I've met the JLS.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42- Oh, yes.- Ah.
0:32:42 > 0:32:43And they went in for the handshake
0:32:43 > 0:32:47and I went, "No, you're making me look like a fool because I don't know what to do."
0:32:47 > 0:32:49Shall I be one of JLS and you be you,
0:32:49 > 0:32:50and we show everyone what happened?
0:32:50 > 0:32:52All right, because I won't be able to do it.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55- All right. I'll be Marvin from JLS. - Hi, Marvin. You all right?
0:32:55 > 0:32:58- Hey, what's up?- Hey.- Hey, Miranda. Yo, what's up, baby? Uh, uh.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10- It felt nice. - Something awkward happens like that.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Do you know what? I had a dog that used to do that.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16So, what is John's wildcard?
0:33:21 > 0:33:22Spitting.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27It is the most antisocial thing that people can do, I think,
0:33:27 > 0:33:30in public, to, er, to spit.
0:33:30 > 0:33:33I know in some parts of the world, it's accepted.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35I mean, in China, everybody's spitting all the time.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37That's a genuine Chinese sign.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39- So it is.- They're trying to actually discourage it.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41It's such an unpleasant thing,
0:33:41 > 0:33:44especially when it's a sportsman doing it, you know, footballers.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47In the Olympic Games there was quite a bit of spitting
0:33:47 > 0:33:51going on with the athletes in the marathon and things like that.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53Did you see that one when Mo Farah won gold
0:33:53 > 0:33:58and there was an American guy who I think got silver, and Mo Farah just...
0:33:58 > 0:34:03You know they collapse on the track? The American guy spat on the track,
0:34:03 > 0:34:08and Mo Farah was rolling, and he was getting closer and closer.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10The whole nation was like this, "No, Mo, don't!"
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Wayne Rooney has been caught spitting, hasn't he?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17We've got a great... What about this? Look at this for a spit.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20AUDIENCE: Ohh!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23That was where they got the idea for these from.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30OK. What's Miranda's wildcard?
0:34:36 > 0:34:37LAUGHTER
0:34:48 > 0:34:52Why did I suggest this? Um...
0:34:52 > 0:34:54My breasts.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57- Your breasts.- Yeah.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01You want to put them into Room 101?
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Yeah. Please, please put them into Room 101.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05The difficult thing about this, I feel, straightaway,
0:35:05 > 0:35:09is usually, I argue on behalf of the thing the person...
0:35:09 > 0:35:13Have I got to sit here and say, "No, I think they're great"?
0:35:15 > 0:35:18I'm going to feel like some kind of animal.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20They're too big, basically, is the problem.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22And quite often... I don't know if it's because I'm tall,
0:35:22 > 0:35:25but I'm not joking, I regularly...
0:35:25 > 0:35:30I just gently nudge people on their shoulder with my breast.
0:35:30 > 0:35:31Yeah?
0:35:31 > 0:35:34And it's always really awkward and I don't want to go, "Sorry,"
0:35:34 > 0:35:35in case they hadn't noticed.
0:35:35 > 0:35:39That suggests a certain amount of swinging from side to side.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41Well, that's the other problem with a large breast,
0:35:41 > 0:35:44is that you've got to have a very, very good bra.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48So then you've got to have the bra-measuring thing, which is a nightmare.
0:35:48 > 0:35:53Then out of the bra... I mean, we're talking, you know, two jellies sliding down a plate.
0:35:53 > 0:35:58- I mean, it's not the best look. - I'm so embarrassed.- I know.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00The other thing about them, and this...
0:36:00 > 0:36:02There's not many real things in my sitcom, but this is real.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04This happened to me,
0:36:04 > 0:36:07that once when I was naked in bed and I rolled over, they clapped.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18That's embarrassing.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21I don't know if it's embarrassing. That's awesome.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27This is unlikely, but what about if you hit on hard times?
0:36:27 > 0:36:31You still have that lad mags photo shoot option.
0:36:31 > 0:36:32- Really?- Yeah.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36I think it's nice to have something to fall forward on.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41I've got, um, one last thing that I think will win you over,
0:36:41 > 0:36:43and make you realise how beautiful your breasts are,
0:36:43 > 0:36:47and that is a marrow carved in the shape of Miranda's breasts.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51- There they are.- That's hilarious.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57Have I won you over to marrows now, John?
0:36:57 > 0:36:59Just about.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01You can stuff that one later. So...
0:37:04 > 0:37:09OK, then, that is the wildcard round.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12I don't think I can put your breasts in, Miranda,
0:37:12 > 0:37:15because I just think that... How can I put this?
0:37:15 > 0:37:18I think they seem to be quite nice.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21LAUGHTER
0:37:23 > 0:37:29And, um, I think the handshake, at least it is a friendly gesture.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31I know it can be awkward,
0:37:31 > 0:37:34but I like the fact that men are getting a bit more intimate.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- I enjoyed ours.- Yeah, and it does express a bit of love.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40It's hard to find a defence for spitting, though, I must say.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43It does spread diseases and I don't think there is any need for it.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45I am going to put spitting into Room 101.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48APPLAUSE
0:37:58 > 0:38:00And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04Well done, John. You were the most persuasive guest tonight so you are this week's winner.
0:38:04 > 0:38:05Thank you.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13OK. Thanks very much, Reggie Yates, Miranda Hart and John Craven,
0:38:13 > 0:38:15and thank you. Good night!
0:38:37 > 0:38:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd