0:00:22 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:35 > 0:00:40Hello. I'm Frank Skinner. Welcome to Room 101,
0:00:40 > 0:00:44the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates exiled forever
0:00:44 > 0:00:47to the dark vault that is Room 101.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Joining me tonight are TV Dragon Deborah Meaden,
0:00:50 > 0:00:54pop star Paloma Faith and comedian Jason Manford.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06OK, let's kick off. Shall we have our first category, please?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Shopping. OK.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16So what doesn't Deborah like about shopping?
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Cue.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27This is people who don't get their money out or ready until the...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29AUDIENCE APPROVAL
0:01:33 > 0:01:37..until the cashier actually says, "That's £50, please",
0:01:37 > 0:01:39and they look really surprised. "Oh? I've got to pay?"
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Having watched all of their goods come through.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45It's all right for you, Deborah. You keep all your money in a big pile on the table!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51What if they have to rush through to pack
0:01:51 > 0:01:54so then they don't have time to get their wallet. That always happens to me.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Ah, well, I'm usually ahead of the cashier.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02- I'm like that.- And I'm that person...- Of course you are!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I am that person who...
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I imagine you're a person who's an impatient person who has things to do.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12- Is that fair to say?- I don't know if I'm impatient, but I'm...
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- No, you don't sound at all impatient(!)- Not at all, no.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'm very relaxed about things.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18No, but I am prepared
0:02:18 > 0:02:24and it's not a surprise that if you've bought a lot of goods that they're going to ask for your money.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29But their money's in their bag. It's easy for you, cos you've got more of it!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32It's easy for you to find.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Some people are trying to... "Oh, I can't find my money cos I'm on minimum wage."
0:02:35 > 0:02:41- Oh!- So...- Don't go for the sympathy vote. He's really competitive.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- I'm just saying... - Do not go for the sympathy vote!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45No, I think it's a good point...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Jason is not on minimum wage, you do know that?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Too right!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Don't let that shirt fool you, Deborah!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I'm like you. I'm ahead of the game.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03I get to a point where I'm annoyed, when I put my card in the chip and pin machine,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07if they tell me, "Just put your number in there."
0:03:07 > 0:03:09"I know how it works! I've had this for..." "Put your number in."
0:03:09 > 0:03:12"I know! I know what to do!"
0:03:12 > 0:03:14"You can take it out now." "I know! It says, 'Take it out'!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17"I wasn't gonna leave it here, was I?"
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I think they're both a bit up-tight.
0:03:26 > 0:03:31I wonder if they're thinking, "That's Deborah Meaden in the queue behind us.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34"If we take ages to get the money, she might say, 'Oh, I'll pay'."
0:03:36 > 0:03:38The cashier helps, doesn't he, sometimes.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40He's like, "Want any help with your packing?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And you always say no. You go, "I'm all right, really."
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Even though there's loads of it. You go, "I'm all right."
0:03:45 > 0:03:48And they look at you like you've insulted their skills.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52They look at you like, "OK. Let's see how we manage it triple speed."
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03OK. What is Paloma's shopping hate?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:04:12 > 0:04:14"Ooh", go the crowd!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Ugg boots.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20This is an actual item of shopping.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Ugg stands for ugly!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Everyone seems to like them
0:04:26 > 0:04:30and their justification for it is, "But they're comfortable."
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Well, look at me.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36That does not factor in my system.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41That is not good enough in my book.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46I actually have a rule that if anybody turns up to work for me in these,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49they immediately will get fired.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Wow!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54And how many industrial tribunals have you been taken to?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01They make people walk in a lazy way.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Like, if you lazily wear Ugg boots,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07you might become lazy in every other area of your life.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I get your point!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- I daren't say it!- She's got some, I know!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I wear them all the time. When I'm not wearing these,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I wear those. And you're gonna hate... You're gonna hate this,
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Crocs.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Oh, they were the other ones!
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Hold on. You said that these make people walk lazy
0:05:30 > 0:05:33and then they become lazy in everyday life.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- That's what you're saying.- Yeah... Well, she's the proof.- Deborah. - I get it.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39How many businesses do you run?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- 19 at the moment.- 19 businesses.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Aside from that...- Apart from...
0:05:44 > 0:05:46They're just ugly.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Aside from actual proof!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51OK, maybe that's wrong. Maybe that's a sweeping statement.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54But, yeah, I'm happy to admit that that might be wrong.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Let's see what's in my one, then! - My main point...
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I just think that they're really unattractive and ugly and horrible.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Have you actually worn a pair?
0:06:05 > 0:06:10- I would never.- I feel, like you say, you can't judge a man till you've walked in his shoes.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- True.- Shall I try them on? - It's only fair.- Yeah, try 'em on!
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Please, whoever's at home, do not freeze-frame this
0:06:17 > 0:06:19and put it in some silly gossip column!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I hate it already.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I hate it!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:26 > 0:06:28WOLF WHISTLE
0:06:28 > 0:06:29You look great!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Can you take them off? I don't like them.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I think they look quite sexy.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I find them horrible and repulsive and they're too hot.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43We've got a picture of Raquel Welch looking great in Uggs.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48That's what I look like at home!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Let's talk about comfort. I think this could change your mind.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02The new invention is this, right?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05It's called a pillow hat.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13There you go.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Can you still hear me?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Now this is... When I was a drinking man,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23this would have been really handy.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Cos when I used to go to the urinal in the 1980s,
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I used to stand like this!
0:07:29 > 0:07:31LAUGHTER
0:07:39 > 0:07:44- I love it.- I get the same feeling about that as I do about Ugg boots.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Yeah. You look like a dead Teletubby!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's fine!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01OK. What doesn't Jason like about shopping?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09It's this shop
0:08:09 > 0:08:11on the high street, called Lush.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Ah, yes.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14CHEERING
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Even if you don't want handmade soap,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and you don't want any involvement in the shop,
0:08:25 > 0:08:29the smell from the shop spills out onto the street.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31And not in a good way, like Greggs.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:34 > 0:08:38It's like you've been punched in the nose
0:08:38 > 0:08:41by a mango or something. I don't know what...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44All the soaps are like "Fun Green",
0:08:44 > 0:08:46"Fun Pink" and "Mango and Lime".
0:08:46 > 0:08:50I just want to wash my balls, I don't need one of my five a day!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I mean, not in the shop, don't get me wrong.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I just find it odd. I suppose as a bloke,
0:08:59 > 0:09:04I just grab some soap or some shower gel or whatever, and wash in it.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I don't really focus on the types
0:09:06 > 0:09:08and I don't need it to smell a certain way.
0:09:08 > 0:09:14I don't even... I made the mistake - have you used that mint and tea tree shower gel?
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Have you used that?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17No. I usually... I'm a soap man.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- That's the one that makes you go all...- It's the coldest thing you've ever put on your body in your life.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Up here, it's all right. Down there, it's like a polar bear's having a lick.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Freezing. Freezing.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Well, I'm a big soap fan, I must say.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38I had apple and laburnum, I was using recently.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- What?!- Yeah.- I only know what half of that is!
0:09:40 > 0:09:44I actually got a scratch on my back
0:09:44 > 0:09:47from a bit of branch that was in the soap.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- You liked that? That was...- That's what I told my girlfriend, anyway.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57I don't think I've ever gone out to go, "I want that certain soap or shower gel".
0:09:57 > 0:10:00- Really? - I just grab whatever's in there.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02I went about three weeks washing in Frizz-Ease.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04It's just for easing frizzy hair.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08It's not for washing in. I didn't realise.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10All your armpit hair was straight.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12All my pubic hair was straight!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16My willy looked like Cher.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I had to roll them all back with a pencil.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24LAUGHTER
0:10:24 > 0:10:28They do cut it to size, though... Not your pubic hair.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31The soap.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34APPLAUSE
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I think that's it for shopping, isn't it?
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Well, I like fancy soaps, so I'm drawn to this place.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45And I think women certainly look great in Uggs.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I thought you looked great in Uggs when you put them on.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53So I'm afraid I do get annoyed by people that don't have their change ready
0:10:53 > 0:10:58so I am going to put people who don't have their change ready at the till into Room 101.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24What kind of people wind up Paloma?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31This is quite clever, this prop.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Jobsworths.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36It's a mathematical sign for "more than".
0:11:36 > 0:11:39It's more than my job's worth.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42AUDIENCE: Ooh-hoo!
0:11:44 > 0:11:45The thing that irritates me really
0:11:45 > 0:11:49is people who are doing their job
0:11:49 > 0:11:52and they take their power too seriously.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56And there's no like consideration for the fact that you're a human being.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59The kind of jobsworths I'm talking about are like,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Immigration, when you aren't part of that country.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06And they're really enjoying saying, "Stand behind the yellow line."
0:12:06 > 0:12:09And your foot's an inch over it
0:12:09 > 0:12:12and they're like, "Please stand behind the line, ma'am."
0:12:12 > 0:12:15And I'm just like...
0:12:15 > 0:12:18And, um, traffic wardens.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20They love to do that.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24"You have to move on." It's all like, "Sorry, but it's my job."
0:12:24 > 0:12:25And that's what they say.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28But why are you parked there? Do you know what I mean?
0:12:29 > 0:12:34I had a jobsworth. A barman, or landlord, where I went into the pub
0:12:34 > 0:12:36just to use the toilet.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38I just needed a loo, I didn't need a drink.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I just thought I'd just use the loo.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44And he said, "The toilets are for customers only."
0:12:44 > 0:12:48And I said, "Well, I have been a customer here, once.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51"And I didn't use the loo.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52"So..."
0:12:55 > 0:12:58I've had experiences with traffic wardens in particular,
0:12:58 > 0:13:03where you've realised that they're being really unhelpful
0:13:03 > 0:13:05and then suddenly you just go to him,
0:13:05 > 0:13:07"Mate, if I give you 20 quid",
0:13:07 > 0:13:09and they go, "All right."
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Wow, where's this?
0:13:12 > 0:13:19- So you know they were just being belligerent on purpose.- I'm so glad you said that on TV, Paloma(!)
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Yes, and of course there is bribery.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26That is one way around it.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28I think it's a Ying and Yang thing.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30These people, if there weren't people like that
0:13:30 > 0:13:33who are following rules and are very stiff and unbending,
0:13:33 > 0:13:38then people like you with your wacky, colourful, anarchic sense
0:13:38 > 0:13:42wouldn't exist. You need Ying and Yang. You need the balance.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46But do you think it's harmful for somebody's foot to be an inch over the yellow line?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Rules is rules.- It can be an inch one day...
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Oh, God, I bet you're a Tory voter!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Guess who's not gonna win this round?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13OK. What sort of people wind up Jason?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26People in lifts.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30They just wind me up. I don't know what it is.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34I spend a lot of time in hotels and find myself in lifts quite a lot.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37It's the only time you say good night to a stranger, for some reason.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40You get out of a lift. "Good night." "Why have I done that? It's weird."
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Then you get the bloke on the ground floor who goes,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46he gets nearest the buttons and he goes, "What floor?"
0:14:46 > 0:14:49And you go, "You're not in charge of the lift. Why have you...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- "You've got no more... You've got no more..."- He's trying to be helpful.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55"You've got no more right to those buttons than I have."
0:14:56 > 0:15:00You'd be a miserable contestant on Countdown!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03"I'll move my own numbers, thank you very much!"
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I just don't like the presumption. I don't like it.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10The ones that get me, when you're waiting to cross the road and you're at a pelican crossing.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14And you've been there for ages and someone comes and presses the button,
0:15:14 > 0:15:16even though it's got "Wait" lit up
0:15:16 > 0:15:19and you've clicked, like you're too stupid and you would have stood there
0:15:19 > 0:15:23and not pressed the button! How insulting! And worst of all,
0:15:23 > 0:15:24is when you haven't pressed the button!
0:15:27 > 0:15:31I didn't realise how dangerous lifts could be.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35This is a safety instructions diagram
0:15:35 > 0:15:39warning people about - and it's a genuine thing -
0:15:39 > 0:15:43for taking a wheelie bin into a lift.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Could that really happen?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56That's brilliant.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57That is brilliant.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Anyway, what is Deborah's "People" choice?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10It's people who say, "With all due respect".
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Because what that actually means is, "Brace yourself,
0:16:13 > 0:16:16"cos I've got your 'get out of jail free' card
0:16:16 > 0:16:18"and whatever I say next, you're not going to like it
0:16:18 > 0:16:20"and I have no respect for you whatsoever."
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- That is true.- Hmm.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26They never quantify how much respect you are actually due.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28No, but you know it's none!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30You know underneath that, it's none.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34The other phrase that gets me is people who say, again, a phrase that means nothing,
0:16:34 > 0:16:36"I just live each day as it comes."
0:16:36 > 0:16:38We all do! That's the only...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40That's the only option, isn't it?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44"Oh, no, not me. I like to save seven or eight days up and then use them all at once!"
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I'm amazed, Deborah, that anyone would dare say this to you.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Cos aren't you usually the boss in these situations?
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Actually, I've had someone say it in the Den, just the once, very early on.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01And actually somebody said - it was a really smooth pitch -
0:17:01 > 0:17:03and it was this really confident guy,
0:17:03 > 0:17:06and I remember just asking him a question,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09proffering it in a way that I kind of, "Doesn't that happen?"
0:17:09 > 0:17:12and it was, "With all due respect..."
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- and you could just feel the tension. - Oh!- Exactly.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17That's what happened! Five Dragons all went... Like that.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20So he didn't get an investment. And nobody's done it again.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I used to do that thing where... Well, I say a thing.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I might be the only person who ever did it!
0:17:26 > 0:17:31Where I'd be ringing up, you know, one of the power companies or something,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33complaining about money or whatever.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36And at the end of the conversation, I'd be really angry and say,
0:17:36 > 0:17:39"I want the money back in my account now! Right. OK. Love you. Bye."
0:17:39 > 0:17:41"Oh, no!"
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I'd just told Norweb I love them!
0:17:49 > 0:17:50OK. That brings us to the end of that round.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55I am not going to put in "people in lifts",
0:17:55 > 0:17:58because I think they're trying to be nice to you,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01they're trying to press the buttons to help you out.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I think you're the bad guy in this story!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- And Deborah, with all due respect... - Oh, no!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11I think you're being a bit touchy
0:18:11 > 0:18:14about people who feel they need to tell you something but are a bit frightened.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Really?- However, I do agree there are some people who have no flexibility
0:18:18 > 0:18:20and they can really make life miserable.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23So I am going to put "Jobsworths" into Room 101.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41OK, next category, please!
0:18:49 > 0:18:51What doesn't Jason like about entertainment?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58LAUGHTER
0:18:59 > 0:19:02It's not musicals. I love musicals.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05But it's those musicals that sing all the way through.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Like there's no respite, there's no talking.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12It doesn't even rhyme after a bit, they don't even care.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14# Would you like a cup of tea?
0:19:14 > 0:19:15# I will have a cup of tea
0:19:15 > 0:19:17# Would you like sugar in your tea?
0:19:17 > 0:19:18# I will have sugar in my tea. #
0:19:18 > 0:19:22You can talk that. You don't need to sing that.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24They're sitting in a pub and somebody will say it's dark
0:19:24 > 0:19:27and they'll go, # Oh darkness... # And off they go.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30I hate musicals in general.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- You can't hate musicals. - I hate all of them.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36In life, I just don't relate to that.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39When something goes wrong, you don't suddenly go,
0:19:39 > 0:19:44# Aah! # It's all geared towards you enjoying yourself.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48- I thought that's what you did for a living.- That's your job, though.
0:19:48 > 0:19:52I'll tell you what does annoy me, they make musicals of anything now.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57You get something blah, blah. So it could be Horse Riding: The Musical.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Any word with colon, the musical.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Not Colon: The Musical.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04LAUGHTER
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Songs about the digestive system!
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Then, of course, there's Colon The Barbarian.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15It shows the colon in a very bad light.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19I've got a clip here and this is when
0:20:19 > 0:20:25you think there should be singing, but instead there's talking. Get a load of this.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29If a picture paints a thousand words
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Then why can't I paint you?
0:20:37 > 0:20:38The words will never show
0:20:40 > 0:20:43The you I've come to know.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47That was Telly Savalas, obviously.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50In 1975, that was Number One.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54You keep thinking, "In a minute, he'll start singing", but he never does.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57It's the easiest job anyone's ever had.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58He just talks the whole thing.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02And I'm not condemning Telly Savalas because me
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and him see eye to eye on a lot of things.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I can't sing it like he can, but I can assure you
0:21:10 > 0:21:12this is my kind of town.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I was told to get there before it all blew away.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It was spectacular cherry blossom time
0:21:29 > 0:21:31in Birmingham's Bournville.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35LAUGHTER
0:21:41 > 0:21:43That's amazing.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I love that guy.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Anyway, let's see what winds Deborah up about entertainment.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01It's concert etiquette.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02Ah.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07It's that time when you walk into an opera or into the Albert Hall
0:22:07 > 0:22:10and you feel like everybody else knows when they should clap,
0:22:10 > 0:22:12what they should wear,
0:22:12 > 0:22:13are they allowed to cough?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Can I open my sweets?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19You know, whatever it is you do... You're about to applaud
0:22:19 > 0:22:21and you just see everybody turn round.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23They can feel you about to applaud.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27"Oh, no, I just chose the wrong moment again." So, concert etiquette.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31You're not talking about going to see a band,
0:22:31 > 0:22:36- you're talking about going to see something a bit more refined. - A posh thing.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Yeah. I can remember being in the Albert Hall and you get to the end of a movement
0:22:40 > 0:22:43and you think, "That's brilliant, I'm going to applaud".
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I often applaud at the end of a movement.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Oh, no, I can't believe... I delivered that!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- That was fantastic. - Is this Colon: The Musical again?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54It is, yeah.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Would you go to see a rock band?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00- Would I go? Absolutely. - Would you crowd surf?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Would I crowd surf?!
0:23:03 > 0:23:08This is how I imagine Deborah would crowd surf if she crowd surfed.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10LAUGHTER
0:23:10 > 0:23:12APPLAUSE
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- In fairness, it would be a speedboat. - Of course.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25Anyway, what is Paloma's entertainment hate?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Oh.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- These are overnight successes. - Oh, OK.
0:23:36 > 0:23:42And I'm not really putting the overnight successes in Room 101,
0:23:42 > 0:23:47I'm putting the people who think it's a good idea to have those people,
0:23:47 > 0:23:51- to make them stars, because I don't think they're really equipped for it.- Yeah.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Like when we have people who've just been on reality TV shows
0:23:55 > 0:23:59and then suddenly they, like, become stars,
0:23:59 > 0:24:04and then everybody's surprised that they have these mental breakdowns.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08And it's like, of course you're going to have a mental breakdown
0:24:08 > 0:24:11because last week you were eating beans
0:24:11 > 0:24:16and this week everyone's saying that you're going to be the next big thing.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18If you graft from the beginning to get somewhere,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21then you've had enough hard knocks on the way up
0:24:21 > 0:24:25that when you actually get there and you open the paper and everyone's slagging you off,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28you just go, "Oh well, I've heard that before."
0:24:28 > 0:24:31You're all right.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32I know.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35APPLAUSE
0:24:37 > 0:24:40- What about this bloke then? - Who's he?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41- Who's he?- Who is he?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43That's showbiz, isn't it?
0:24:43 > 0:24:48This bloke won Britain's Got Talent in 2011.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50So recently!
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- So recently. That is Jai McDowall. - Oh, yeah.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I loved that gasp of non-recognition from the audience.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59It's sad.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- So recently.- They put him on a pedestal and now what's he doing?
0:25:02 > 0:25:07- Was he the guy...?- He's probably on a pedestal, painting ceilings.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- Was he the guy inside the dancing dog?- No.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Have we found some people we would never have found?
0:25:16 > 0:25:21- Yeah.- We must have done. - Susan Boyle.- Susan Boyle is one.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- She's one. There are others. - Paul Potts.- Pol Pot?!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Not Pol Pot.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28He's bad.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35He was an overnight success. He started at Year Zero.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40What I'm saying is if you say get rid of these people who make people overnight successes,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43then we get rid of all the artists who do make it.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47How about we put in a little bit more protection for the people who enter?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49And they're a bit kinder to them?
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Lovely sentiment, but that's not what you're trying to put in Room 101 and that's the game.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03I find the X Factor,
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I only find it good at the beginning,
0:26:06 > 0:26:11- you know when you get the proper nutters. - You like the medieval bit.- I do.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13It's not fair.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16When it gets to the part where they're all talented, I'm not bothered.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17I agree with that.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21If it was me, I'd have that show in reverse.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I'd try and find the nutter. That's what I'd do.
0:26:27 > 0:26:33OK, we come to the end of that round and you've all argued your case very well.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37It is difficult when you go to a concert
0:26:37 > 0:26:40and you make a fool of yourself
0:26:40 > 0:26:46and I love musicals, but I'm not so partial to ones when you sing all the way through
0:26:46 > 0:26:49and the overnight successes, I do feel a bit
0:26:49 > 0:26:51sorry for them.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53But at least they've had a taste of it.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57But maybe they're not emotionally equipped to make those decisions for themselves.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Then they'll find pain wherever they work.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I am going to put concert etiquette into Room 101.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13APPLAUSE
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Let's have our next category.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36It's the Wildcard category, which means there are no restraints, no categories.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40You can just choose anything at all that you don't like.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42So, what is Jason's wildcard?
0:27:49 > 0:27:53It is little cars that hide behind big cars.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:01 > 0:28:03"Oh, look!
0:28:03 > 0:28:05"We've got a space! We've got a space!
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- "Oh, you little..." - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:28:10 > 0:28:12It winds me up.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15There's no reason not to park here, and then we'd know.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20I've had to make a decision now. Get here. Oh, great(!)
0:28:20 > 0:28:24It's even worse when you're the passenger and you go, "I've seen one. I've seen one."
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Then you just like an idiot to the rest of the car.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Like you can't see a car.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35I think most of those little cars are better for the environment.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39- Right.- So actually I think it's the big cars that are the problem.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41- Really?- If more people had little cars,
0:28:41 > 0:28:45everyone would see each other and the environment would be a better place.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48APPLAUSE
0:28:51 > 0:28:54I find parking difficult at the best of times.
0:28:54 > 0:29:00- Hmm.- I failed my driving test six times. So...
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Oh, yeah, laugh. I cried myself to sleep!
0:29:06 > 0:29:08I remember one of them was parallel parking.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11He said, "Can you put your car between that red car and that blue car?"
0:29:11 > 0:29:13And I said no.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17I don't live there. I mean, why do they do that? "Park it there."
0:29:17 > 0:29:22"I'll tell you what. Let's find a proper space and we'll walk back, if you're bothered."
0:29:22 > 0:29:23That's what I do in real life!
0:29:23 > 0:29:28Yeah. Though I do that thing, if I park, and then walk to the place I'm going,
0:29:28 > 0:29:33- and I see another space, I always say, "I could have parked there." - That is annoying.
0:29:35 > 0:29:39In a car park, why don't they have a system
0:29:39 > 0:29:42where, when you go into the car park, you're given a number
0:29:42 > 0:29:44like at a deli counter
0:29:44 > 0:29:47and that is the number of your parking bay
0:29:47 > 0:29:50and you just drive straight there and park.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53That's genius. Hang on.
0:29:53 > 0:29:54Deborah, you should get on this.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58Actually, I was sitting there thinking, "That seems like a very good idea."
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- It's a brilliant idea.- You just said it on national TV now.
0:30:01 > 0:30:06Then as you leave, you'd clock out so they'd know that bay was now empty.
0:30:06 > 0:30:10That is a very good idea. Mind, you'd have to know where the bay is.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13You'd have to kind of know your car park.
0:30:13 > 0:30:14It would be in numerical order.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18That's a good idea. That is brilliant.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22- Gosh, he's good!- I didn't tell you about that particular detail!
0:30:24 > 0:30:29Now this is the best piece of parking I think I've ever seen.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38MAN: Nice parking!
0:30:38 > 0:30:40Brilliant.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44Anyway, what is Deborah's wildcard?
0:30:51 > 0:30:54It is smart casual.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57Smart...casual.
0:30:57 > 0:31:00How does that work? What does that mean on invitations?
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Is it smart...
0:31:02 > 0:31:04or is it casual?
0:31:04 > 0:31:05Smart-casual.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09But it's easier for men than for women.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Cos it changes according to the group of friends.
0:31:11 > 0:31:16Some groups of friends, if you say smart casual, I turn up in jeans with something sparkly on top.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18And she's wearing top-to-toe sequins.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22- So it changes all the time. - If you're friends with Shirley Bassey, that's going to happen.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25I got invited to a wedding a little while ago.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28It said, "Dress code - fabulous."
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- I mean, what's that?- What did you wear? Please, tell me what you wore.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34I just didn't go. That was that.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36Cos I don't know what that is.
0:31:38 > 0:31:43Tonight, I am wearing what I think is probably the ultimate smart casual.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45They're called cord-arounds.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47I'm going to show you these.
0:31:47 > 0:31:50These are corduroy trousers
0:31:50 > 0:31:53but the cord, instead of going straight down...
0:31:53 > 0:31:56- Goes around!- ..is horizontal.
0:31:56 > 0:31:58- Ooh, look at that!- Can you see that?
0:31:58 > 0:32:00This is the genuine blurb from the company.
0:32:00 > 0:32:05"Don't you hate it when vertical cord friction heats your crotch
0:32:05 > 0:32:10"to uncomfortable, even dangerous levels?"
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Wait for it!
0:32:12 > 0:32:14"Cord-arounds mesh evenly,
0:32:14 > 0:32:18"lowering the crotch heat index by 22 per cent."
0:32:19 > 0:32:21"Crotch heat index"! That's amazing!
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Crotch heat index!
0:32:28 > 0:32:32OK, then. What is Paloma's wildcard?
0:32:37 > 0:32:40This is the book Fifty Shades Of Grey.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey, written by EL James.
0:32:44 > 0:32:49My beef with it is, there are a few levels to it,
0:32:49 > 0:32:54then I'm going to read out quotes to back up my argument.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57I hope you've selected these carefully!
0:32:58 > 0:33:03Basically, first of all, it's written with the worst English imaginable.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10The second thing is it's as if feminism never existed.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15And then the third thing is I think it gives a bad message to men and women
0:33:15 > 0:33:19about women's sexuality.
0:33:19 > 0:33:24Just to point out, I won't read the quote because I've been told it's a bit too sordid,
0:33:24 > 0:33:28but there is this girl in it
0:33:28 > 0:33:32who's never been intimate with a man before
0:33:32 > 0:33:35and therefore has never climaxed before.
0:33:35 > 0:33:40But he just touches her nipples a bit and she does climax.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Now, I just want to point out to most men
0:33:43 > 0:33:46and some young women,
0:33:46 > 0:33:49that that's not possible.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59I just think it's giving out the wrong message.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Can I just point out that I think it's possible
0:34:02 > 0:34:04to climax just from a slight touch of horizontal corduroy.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- There are...- I think my crotch heat index just went up!
0:34:16 > 0:34:18- Woo!- There are some bits where she says,
0:34:18 > 0:34:22these are the non-feminist bits where he says,
0:34:22 > 0:34:24"Miss Steele, you're not just a pretty face.
0:34:24 > 0:34:29"You've had six..." I'll doctor it for the sake of the fact this is 8.30.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32"Six climaxes so far,
0:34:32 > 0:34:34"and all of them belonged to me."
0:34:34 > 0:34:37Like, what a BEEP-hole!
0:34:37 > 0:34:41"Because actually, no, they were mine, thanks."
0:34:50 > 0:34:54I've underlined so many bits. I could teach a course on how rubbish this is.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58I think you should do the audio book!
0:35:01 > 0:35:04God, what if you'd blinded Deborah then?
0:35:07 > 0:35:10People are reading this!
0:35:10 > 0:35:13I've just had an image of Deborah Meaden in hospital, saying,
0:35:13 > 0:35:17"I'm blind!" And they say, "What was it?" And you say, "It was Fifty Shades Of Grey."
0:35:20 > 0:35:24There is this argument now that it's wakened things in some people that...
0:35:24 > 0:35:27I think there are loads of other books that could have done that
0:35:27 > 0:35:33without making people feel like they have to get back to 1940s values.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37But also, at the same time, what if, just in this instance...
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Read some of it. Go on, read some.
0:35:45 > 0:35:46I mean, that's impossible, that.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51This book, I should point out,
0:35:51 > 0:35:55has, in the last year, out-sold the Highway Code.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58It's true. It means there's going to be a lot more people being rear-ended.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06From a feminist point of view, it's on thin ice.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08Because this woman, Anastasia Steele,
0:36:08 > 0:36:12she meets this bloke Christian Grey and she basically signs a contract
0:36:12 > 0:36:15in which she gives him control of her life.
0:36:15 > 0:36:18Let me read this. This is the first paragraph of the contract.
0:36:18 > 0:36:24"The submissive" - that's her - "The submissive will obey any instructions
0:36:24 > 0:36:26"given by the dominant" - that's him -
0:36:26 > 0:36:30"immediately, without any hesitation or reservation
0:36:30 > 0:36:32"and in an expeditious manner."
0:36:32 > 0:36:35Which is exactly the same clause that Nick Clegg had
0:36:35 > 0:36:37in his contract with David Cameron.
0:36:42 > 0:36:47If some woman turned up going, "I want to be submissive to you and you be in charge",
0:36:47 > 0:36:50you'd be going, "Well, can I watch the football first?"
0:36:50 > 0:36:54- It's not...- Yeah, but she has to do it in this book.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56Yeah, she'd have to say yes.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Well, I think that sounds all right.
0:37:01 > 0:37:04OK. So we come to the end of that round.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05And, um...
0:37:06 > 0:37:10Jason argues very well for the annoying car parking.
0:37:10 > 0:37:15But I also think that the point that little cars are saving our lives
0:37:15 > 0:37:18- does slightly blow that out the water.- What?!
0:37:18 > 0:37:23Smart casual, I like the excitement of some people getting it right and some people getting it wrong.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27But I do think that the whole concept of Fifty Shades Of Grey,
0:37:27 > 0:37:32the idea that it's awoken all these little people in their suburbs
0:37:32 > 0:37:34is just wrong.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Because there's all sorts of lovely books, videos and a whole internet
0:37:37 > 0:37:39that can do that.
0:37:39 > 0:37:43So I am going to put Fifty Shades Of Grey into Room 101.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:01 > 0:38:05And well done, Paloma. You were the most persuasive guest,
0:38:05 > 0:38:06so you are tonight's winner!
0:38:14 > 0:38:18So thanks very much, Jason Manford, Deborah Meaden and Paloma Faith.
0:38:18 > 0:38:19And thank you! Good night!
0:38:42 > 0:38:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd