Episode 5

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0:00:27 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:00:33 > 0:00:37Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,

0:00:37 > 0:00:39the show where three guests compete

0:00:39 > 0:00:42to get their pet hates exiled for ever

0:00:42 > 0:00:44to the dark vault that is Room 101.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories

0:00:47 > 0:00:50and in each round only one item can be chosen.

0:00:50 > 0:00:52The final decision is mine.

0:00:52 > 0:00:54So let's meet this week's guests.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57Joining me tonight are comedian Josh Widdicombe, DJ Sara Cox

0:00:57 > 0:00:59and singer turned broadcaster Aled Jones.

0:00:59 > 0:01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:01:07 > 0:01:09Right, then. Well, let's have our first category.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15It's the wild card.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17So in this round there are no restraints.

0:01:17 > 0:01:19You can pick anything at all that winds you up.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22So, what is Sara's wild card?

0:01:27 > 0:01:30It's the eyelashes on car headlights.

0:01:30 > 0:01:34- APPLAUSE - Thank you.

0:01:34 > 0:01:35Thank you.

0:01:36 > 0:01:40Thank you for your support during this very difficult time.

0:01:40 > 0:01:44So, I think that humans have eyebrows and eyelashes

0:01:44 > 0:01:47to possibly stop sweat going in their eyes.

0:01:47 > 0:01:49So, what, you think you've got a sweaty car?

0:01:49 > 0:01:54Or are you trying to accentuate the car's "eyes"?

0:01:54 > 0:01:57Why have you got so much time on your hands

0:01:57 > 0:02:00that you can be bothered to stick stupid eyelashes on your car?

0:02:00 > 0:02:04Why do you want your car to look like Amy Childs? I don't get it.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06One of the problems with this... By the way, what about this?

0:02:09 > 0:02:11That would be handy if you were out driving

0:02:11 > 0:02:15and you saw an attractive person on the pavement.

0:02:17 > 0:02:20One of the things about it which I have a problem with is

0:02:20 > 0:02:22can men do it?

0:02:22 > 0:02:25It seems very excluding to me.

0:02:25 > 0:02:30Well, maybe men could have a little goatee beard under the reg.

0:02:30 > 0:02:32Well, actually, my car is customised

0:02:32 > 0:02:35in a more middle-aged man kind of a way.

0:02:35 > 0:02:36This is my car.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39LAUGHTER

0:02:42 > 0:02:44It just looks like you've hit a badger.

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yeah, just trapped in the wheel arch.

0:02:48 > 0:02:51I've been going up the kerb, trying to get it out.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53Hate it when that happens.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56I also think that maybe women drivers, you know,

0:02:56 > 0:03:00still get a little bit of stick. Like, "Oh, women drivers."

0:03:00 > 0:03:02And if you've put eyelashes on your car,

0:03:02 > 0:03:05you're not really helping your cause to get respect on the road.

0:03:05 > 0:03:08Let's have a look. In case any of you think,

0:03:08 > 0:03:10"I've never seen eyelashes on a car,"

0:03:10 > 0:03:14this is an advert for eyelashes on cars.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16'Has your car ever winked at you?

0:03:16 > 0:03:19'Carlashes - the latest automotive accessory for women.

0:03:19 > 0:03:22'Flexible plastic lashes you attach above your headlights.

0:03:22 > 0:03:25'With Carlashes on your car,

0:03:25 > 0:03:28'expect smiles to follow you everywhere you go.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31'Finish off your Carlashes with a dazzling second accessory -

0:03:31 > 0:03:34'diamond crystal eyeliner,

0:03:34 > 0:03:36'rows of twinkling diamond crystals

0:03:36 > 0:03:37'that throw rainbows in the sun.'

0:03:37 > 0:03:40APPLAUSE

0:03:43 > 0:03:45- I feel that was the perfect campaign video...- Yeah!

0:03:45 > 0:03:47..for me to get those into Room 101,

0:03:47 > 0:03:48especially with the voiceover.

0:03:48 > 0:03:52Well, I felt the audience here had been quite anti-eyelashes on cars.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55When they saw the diamante eyeliner,

0:03:55 > 0:03:57- a few people went, "Oh, hold on." - "Ooh, yeah."

0:03:57 > 0:04:00I'd have thought the main problem of lashes on the car

0:04:00 > 0:04:02is you have to keep one of these in the toolkit.

0:04:02 > 0:04:04LAUGHTER

0:04:08 > 0:04:13Oh, that is the best prop I've ever seen in my life.

0:04:13 > 0:04:17My parents used to have the fingers that came out of the boot.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19That was a great gag, wasn't it?

0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Hilarious, wasn't it? - That was really funny.

0:04:21 > 0:04:23Would you approve of that?

0:04:23 > 0:04:25That's not too bad, I guess.

0:04:25 > 0:04:29There's some things stuck on cars for charity, like the red nose,

0:04:29 > 0:04:34which is fine, but then it does get faded and people keep them on.

0:04:34 > 0:04:37What I did with my red nose is I put it on the back of the car

0:04:37 > 0:04:40and then I could use it for National Baboon Day.

0:04:44 > 0:04:46Are you old enough to remember

0:04:46 > 0:04:48when they used to have those sun strips on their cars,

0:04:48 > 0:04:51- with the bloke's name and the girl's name?- Yeah, yeah.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53Yeah. But what'd happen when you spilt up?

0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Were you allowed to detach her name and put on a new name?- I think...

0:04:55 > 0:04:58- You had to take it off... - You just wound it round, like that -

0:04:58 > 0:04:59- like a bus.- Like a bus!

0:05:02 > 0:05:06OK, then. Well, what is Josh's wild card?

0:05:10 > 0:05:14Yeah, this is Lord Of The Rings.

0:05:14 > 0:05:16BOOING AND HISSING

0:05:16 > 0:05:19- SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE - Oh!

0:05:19 > 0:05:21- I didn't realise it was such a controversial choice.- Well,

0:05:21 > 0:05:23I think a lot of people have a great deal of love

0:05:23 > 0:05:27- for Lord of the Rings. - Well, firstly,

0:05:27 > 0:05:29it's not particularly realistic.

0:05:29 > 0:05:31LAUGHTER

0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Yeah.- If it's a book about Russia, I struggle to identify with it.

0:05:35 > 0:05:38If it's a book about a fictional place

0:05:38 > 0:05:42with people with furry feet and trees that live,

0:05:42 > 0:05:46that...that's not going to happen!

0:05:46 > 0:05:48And if you're going to do fantasy,

0:05:48 > 0:05:50make the story more interesting than a man finding a ring.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54I mean, that is barely an anecdote, at best.

0:05:54 > 0:05:57If someone said to me, "What happened to you today?

0:05:57 > 0:05:58"I found a ring." I'd go...

0:06:00 > 0:06:03I wouldn't say that takes nine hours of filming in New Zealand.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08There's a little more to it, though, isn't there?

0:06:08 > 0:06:10Is there any part of you, Josh,

0:06:10 > 0:06:13that thinks there could be things like elves?

0:06:13 > 0:06:15No, Frank. Um...

0:06:16 > 0:06:18I still think if I walked in the countryside

0:06:18 > 0:06:21at three o'clock in the morning on a summer's night,

0:06:21 > 0:06:24there's a bit of dew on the grass, I might see a tiny figure...

0:06:24 > 0:06:27That sounds like the kind of excuse a Tory MP would make...

0:06:31 > 0:06:33I was looking for elves, Officer!

0:06:34 > 0:06:37I stayed at a hotel and in the hotel room,

0:06:37 > 0:06:41they had a little bookcase which had Lord of the Rings on it

0:06:41 > 0:06:44and I thought, "How long do people stay here?"

0:06:46 > 0:06:47It's 1,100 pages.

0:06:47 > 0:06:51I'm of an age now, if I see a book 1,100 pages long, I think,

0:06:51 > 0:06:53"I'm not going to make that."

0:06:55 > 0:06:58This might be a deep-seated issue with Lord Of The Rings,

0:06:58 > 0:07:02but I, against my better judgment,

0:07:02 > 0:07:05three years ago auditioned

0:07:05 > 0:07:07for the lead role in The Hobbit.

0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Ah.- So that might be why...

0:07:09 > 0:07:13- You didn't get it, did you? - No. Cheers, Aled(!)

0:07:13 > 0:07:15I have to ask this. Were you on the short list?

0:07:15 > 0:07:17LAUGHTER

0:07:17 > 0:07:19So has this made you bitter, then?

0:07:19 > 0:07:21No, I hated it beforehand, but now it's got personal.

0:07:21 > 0:07:25One thing I'm fascinated by is the voice of the ring.

0:07:26 > 0:07:29In the film, the ring actually speaks.

0:07:31 > 0:07:34This is from Fellowship Of The Ring. Listen to this.

0:07:35 > 0:07:37DEEP, ECHOING WHISPER

0:07:48 > 0:07:53The voice of the ring is done by an actor called Alan Howard.

0:07:53 > 0:07:54Don't get me wrong, he's very good,

0:07:54 > 0:07:57Alan Howard, as the voice of the ring.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00I mean, you can tell he's got into character.

0:08:00 > 0:08:03But I saw Alan Howard at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre

0:08:03 > 0:08:07in Stratford in the 1980s do Richard II and Richard III.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10He was absolutely brilliant. Fantastic.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13It saddens me to know that he's now doing jewellery.

0:08:16 > 0:08:20So, what is Aled's wild card?

0:08:26 > 0:08:29I know you thought it would be The Snowman,

0:08:29 > 0:08:32but it's actually fish bones.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34APPLAUSE

0:08:35 > 0:08:36You faff around, don't you?

0:08:36 > 0:08:39You know, you get a fish and you think to yourself,

0:08:39 > 0:08:40"Oh, God, here we go."

0:08:40 > 0:08:44And you get a tiny bit of meat at the end of it,

0:08:44 > 0:08:46and every mouthful is...

0:08:46 > 0:08:48well, it could be death.

0:08:48 > 0:08:50LAUGHTER

0:08:50 > 0:08:52Yeah, it's hard work. I mean, I'll give...

0:08:52 > 0:08:54- What's the point? - I will give you that.

0:08:54 > 0:08:57Well, I think they're to hold the fish together.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02How are you with anchovies?

0:09:02 > 0:09:05Because of course, they have - anchovies, whitebait -

0:09:05 > 0:09:07they have the bones but you just eat the lot.

0:09:07 > 0:09:10- How are you with that? - No, I can't stand anchovies.- Really?

0:09:10 > 0:09:12It's the worst food in the world. What's the point?

0:09:12 > 0:09:14Just put more salt on it.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16I like the fact that you don't have to...

0:09:16 > 0:09:18- you just eat the whole thing.- Yeah.

0:09:18 > 0:09:20It's like, you know in Jurassic Park

0:09:20 > 0:09:23- when the Tyrannosaurus Rex eats that goat?- Yeah.

0:09:23 > 0:09:26- It just crunches the whole thing up. - Yeah.

0:09:26 > 0:09:27It's like that.

0:09:27 > 0:09:30- If there was a dinosaur version of Room 101...- Yeah.

0:09:30 > 0:09:33..would they be putting in goat's bones?

0:09:33 > 0:09:35Yeah, exactly.

0:09:35 > 0:09:36They'd be saying,

0:09:36 > 0:09:38"Yeah, what's the point? And the horns!"

0:09:38 > 0:09:39- "I just want a bit of goat."- Yeah.

0:09:39 > 0:09:42"If I hadn't have eaten that horn, I'd still be around."

0:09:44 > 0:09:46"As it is, we're completely extinct."

0:09:47 > 0:09:49And also the T Rex'd be saying,

0:09:49 > 0:09:51"I can't even reach the plate."

0:09:53 > 0:09:54"I find that annoying."

0:09:54 > 0:09:59LAUGHTER

0:09:59 > 0:10:02OK. Well, I tell you what I think you need.

0:10:02 > 0:10:04- What's that? - You need a Wunder Boner.

0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08LAUGHTER

0:10:08 > 0:10:11'OK, who wants to clean and debone him?'

0:10:11 > 0:10:13I'll do it!

0:10:13 > 0:10:15What gives?! You want to do it?!

0:10:15 > 0:10:18Just wait till you see what I've got.

0:10:18 > 0:10:19It's the Wunder Boner.

0:10:19 > 0:10:23- THEY LAUGH - The Wunder Boner?!

0:10:23 > 0:10:26Oh, you laugh now. Just watch.

0:10:26 > 0:10:29You just assemble the Wunder Boner's stainless steel rods, like this.

0:10:29 > 0:10:32You take the fish, you find the top of the spine

0:10:32 > 0:10:35and you slide him through the ring on the Wunder Boner. And...!

0:10:35 > 0:10:38THE AUDIENCE GROANS

0:10:38 > 0:10:39..voila!

0:10:39 > 0:10:41The Wunder Boner!

0:10:41 > 0:10:43My wife would like that!

0:10:43 > 0:10:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:10:51 > 0:10:54So we've come to the end of that round.

0:10:54 > 0:10:58I don't feel I can put eyelashes on cars...

0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Oh, come on, Frank. Please. - ..because I think it is fun

0:11:01 > 0:11:05and I think there's so much road rage and unpleasantness.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07And I'm not going to put in Lord of the Rings...

0:11:07 > 0:11:09- Oh, why not? - ..because I love a bit of fantasy.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Oh!- I love dragons and wizards and all that side of stuff.

0:11:12 > 0:11:15- I am terribly sorry. - APPLAUSE

0:11:15 > 0:11:16But I have to say,

0:11:16 > 0:11:20if there's one thing that makes a meal into a chore,

0:11:20 > 0:11:22it is the bones in fish.

0:11:22 > 0:11:25So I am going to put the bones in fish into Room 101.

0:11:25 > 0:11:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:11:38 > 0:11:40Next category, please.

0:11:45 > 0:11:47Nature!

0:11:47 > 0:11:51OK then, what winds up Sara about nature?

0:11:56 > 0:11:58- Dill. - LAUGHTER

0:11:58 > 0:12:01Oh, I can smell it. It's disgusting.

0:12:01 > 0:12:06It ruins everything that its filthy little green fronds finger.

0:12:06 > 0:12:09And I just can't bear it.

0:12:09 > 0:12:12And it just has ruined so many meals out when...

0:12:12 > 0:12:14It's never listed on the menu.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17Some chefs just casually chuck it into a dish

0:12:17 > 0:12:19and I can just sense it.

0:12:19 > 0:12:22I'm like, sort of, a specialised bloodhound

0:12:22 > 0:12:25who's just really good at herbs.

0:12:25 > 0:12:28If you were to go through the gates of hell,

0:12:28 > 0:12:32in Beelzebub's herb garden would be dill,

0:12:32 > 0:12:33and I detest it.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36- And please put it in Room 101. - Wow!- Wow.

0:12:36 > 0:12:40- I've got a friend who's like this about chives.- Mm.

0:12:40 > 0:12:41And I've been to restaurants with her

0:12:41 > 0:12:44and she'll say things like, "I'll have beans on toast, please.

0:12:44 > 0:12:45"No chives."

0:12:45 > 0:12:48LAUGHTER

0:12:48 > 0:12:51- I don't think I've ever had dill. - Oh, it's awful.

0:12:51 > 0:12:54- What about dill pickle? - There you go.

0:12:54 > 0:12:59I mean, this isn't helpful - the picking it, the throwing it around!

0:12:59 > 0:13:00I mean...

0:13:02 > 0:13:07You look like a line judge at some sort of herbal Wimbledon.

0:13:10 > 0:13:11It stinks.

0:13:11 > 0:13:15I would say this, that I appreciate that you don't like it.

0:13:15 > 0:13:17You've made that extremely clear.

0:13:17 > 0:13:21I used to hate olives, really hate them.

0:13:21 > 0:13:22But what I decided to do,

0:13:22 > 0:13:25because I don't like the idea of a food that I can't eat,

0:13:25 > 0:13:29is every 12 months or so, I'd have another crack at olives,

0:13:29 > 0:13:31- to see if I liked them.- Mm.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33And after about four or five years of that,

0:13:33 > 0:13:36I tried them one year and thought, "Actually, they're all right."

0:13:36 > 0:13:38And now I eat them all the time.

0:13:38 > 0:13:40So I think it's worth going back and giving it a go.

0:13:40 > 0:13:43I don't know how many more chances I'm going to give Robert Mugabe.

0:13:43 > 0:13:46LAUGHTER

0:13:46 > 0:13:48No, but I mean, anything that you don't like,

0:13:48 > 0:13:49I think it's worth having another...

0:13:49 > 0:13:53No, it's never going to be a relationship that will form, here.

0:13:53 > 0:13:55It's...I'm sorry, it is you.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57It's not me. You're horrible.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59I'm talking to it now. I hate it.

0:13:59 > 0:14:01And actually, can I move it away from me?

0:14:01 > 0:14:04Yeah, course. Oh, no, away!

0:14:04 > 0:14:06I'll have it over here for this bit. Thank you, Aled.

0:14:06 > 0:14:09You would think that this may be an issue with a show

0:14:09 > 0:14:11where people talk about the things they hate the most,

0:14:11 > 0:14:14- that then you've decided to put them next to them.- Yes.

0:14:14 > 0:14:17- Is this all right, like this? - It looks nice.- Yes.

0:14:17 > 0:14:19I don't want people switching on and thinking,

0:14:19 > 0:14:22"Oh, Frank Skinner's doing a double act with Paloma Faith."

0:14:22 > 0:14:24LAUGHTER

0:14:26 > 0:14:29If I was to... And I don't want you to throw up,

0:14:29 > 0:14:31but if I was to show you some products

0:14:31 > 0:14:34that contain or don't contain dill,

0:14:34 > 0:14:37do you think you'd be able to smell the difference?

0:14:37 > 0:14:40- I imagine so, yeah. - Would you do that?- Yeah.

0:14:40 > 0:14:43OK, well, I'm going to invite you to play Dill Or No Dill?

0:15:02 > 0:15:06OK, I'm going to say...this is number one, brace yourself.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10Is number one dill or no dill?

0:15:12 > 0:15:13Dill.

0:15:13 > 0:15:16- You can tell by looking?! - Yeah, I can see it!

0:15:18 > 0:15:21It is dill, correct, you got that right.

0:15:23 > 0:15:24Is number two dill or no dill?

0:15:24 > 0:15:26Ooh!

0:15:30 > 0:15:33- No dill.- It is no dill. And finally...

0:15:35 > 0:15:37This will surprise you.

0:15:38 > 0:15:43This is a Dolce & Gabbana perfume known as The One Gentleman.

0:15:43 > 0:15:47I want you to have a squirt and tell me if there's dill or no dill.

0:15:47 > 0:15:50I love when girls do this. Have you ever seen girls do this?

0:15:50 > 0:15:52I was just going to do it!

0:15:57 > 0:15:58I sometimes go...

0:16:00 > 0:16:02- Just get it on the hair?- Yeah.

0:16:02 > 0:16:06- Can I spray you with this?- A little bit, I've got to go home tonight!

0:16:06 > 0:16:08Dill or no dill?

0:16:09 > 0:16:12- The clue is not in the title. - PHONE RINGS

0:16:20 > 0:16:21Well, not that close.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25I didn't get close at all!

0:16:27 > 0:16:28My girlfriend.

0:16:30 > 0:16:32- Dill or no dill? - I'll say dill.- It is dill.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34Three out of three for Sara Cox!

0:16:49 > 0:16:53I must say, I love the smell of that Dolce & Gabbana. I do.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56To think that was the same man who did Shaddap You Face.

0:16:59 > 0:17:01I'm just going to move the dill.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06OK, what doesn't Aled like about nature?

0:17:10 > 0:17:12Hold it, hold it. You'll love this.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14Oh!

0:17:20 > 0:17:22I mean, after the dill incident,

0:17:22 > 0:17:25- that was very irresponsible indeed, wasn't it?- I know.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28- This is deep-rooted, isn't it? Can you tell?- Yes.

0:17:28 > 0:17:30It's a scorpion.

0:17:30 > 0:17:32Basically, when I was singing as a kid,

0:17:32 > 0:17:35I was in Israel and I was singing on the little road to Bethlehem,

0:17:35 > 0:17:37singing The Little Road To Bethlehem,

0:17:37 > 0:17:38and the director said,

0:17:38 > 0:17:41"Sit on that rock and we'll film you."

0:17:41 > 0:17:42And so I went to sit on the rock

0:17:42 > 0:17:44and the Israeli floor manager said to me,

0:17:44 > 0:17:47"Be careful where you sit, cos there's loads of scorpions here

0:17:47 > 0:17:49"that'll kill you."

0:17:51 > 0:17:54So, I'm 11, supposedly singing a nice little carol

0:17:54 > 0:17:56about Jesus and the like,

0:17:56 > 0:17:58thinking any minute I'm going to die.

0:18:00 > 0:18:02So if you spool forward about four years,

0:18:02 > 0:18:05my dad thought it was really funny

0:18:05 > 0:18:09- to hold my hand above quite a few scorpions in a zoo.- Oh.

0:18:09 > 0:18:12If social services are watching,

0:18:12 > 0:18:15they live in Llandegla in North Wales, by the way.

0:18:15 > 0:18:16- They'll never find that.- No.

0:18:16 > 0:18:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:18:22 > 0:18:25- So then you spool forward again... - Yeah.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27..and I've got two kids.

0:18:27 > 0:18:29And we were abroad and they were at an age

0:18:29 > 0:18:31where they have plastic toys, you know,

0:18:31 > 0:18:33little bugs and stuff like that.

0:18:33 > 0:18:37And I went to pick up what I thought was a black rubber scorpion

0:18:37 > 0:18:40- and that tail went up...- Oh!

0:18:40 > 0:18:43..and honestly, it was one of the worst moments of my life.

0:18:43 > 0:18:45It was worse than my voice breaking.

0:18:45 > 0:18:47- LAUGHTER - Oh, no.

0:18:47 > 0:18:49It was. What's the point of them?

0:18:49 > 0:18:51You can't take them for a walk.

0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Don't do it again.- I won't!

0:18:54 > 0:18:55I can see it in your evil eyes.

0:18:55 > 0:18:57- I thought you were going to do it. - No, no.

0:18:57 > 0:19:00You can't cuddle them and they can kill you.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02Yeah.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05Well, yes, you argue that well enough.

0:19:05 > 0:19:07In order to empathise with the scorpion,

0:19:07 > 0:19:09- I bought one of these.- Oh, God.

0:19:17 > 0:19:20Living your life like this must be pretty tough.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22You just look like a weird squirrel.

0:19:23 > 0:19:26But the thing is, when you put it on you realise this...

0:19:26 > 0:19:28is that you sort of... it's constantly...

0:19:28 > 0:19:31- You're almost stinging yourself, aren't you?- Yeah, exactly.

0:19:31 > 0:19:33You must think, "What's that?"

0:19:33 > 0:19:34"Ow!"

0:19:35 > 0:19:38Or, "I'll just lie back, have a bit of a... Argh!"

0:19:38 > 0:19:40- Life must be like that.- Good.

0:19:40 > 0:19:42I'm going to take this off now cos it's driving me crazy.

0:19:42 > 0:19:45- I don't know how they cope. - It's why they're in bad moods, isn't it?

0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Because they've got that sting just hanging over.- Constantly there.

0:19:48 > 0:19:52OK. What aspect of nature winds up Josh?

0:19:55 > 0:19:56I'm quite scared now.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59LAUGHTER

0:19:59 > 0:20:04It's the only thing more controversial than Lord Of The Rings.

0:20:04 > 0:20:07This is the home of nature and the great outdoors

0:20:07 > 0:20:10- and it is Devon.- OK.

0:20:10 > 0:20:14- Which is where I am from, so this is OK.- Right.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17I think Devon's all right if you're not from Devon,

0:20:17 > 0:20:21because you don't have to have spent your childhood in Devon.

0:20:21 > 0:20:23To give you an idea of what it's like,

0:20:23 > 0:20:25my parents have got dial-up internet.

0:20:25 > 0:20:27LAUGHTER

0:20:27 > 0:20:30- What even is that? - It's like the Third World, Frank.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34Now, I don't want to come across as a city slicker here

0:20:34 > 0:20:37but I can make a phone call

0:20:37 > 0:20:39and go on the internet at the same time, in my house.

0:20:43 > 0:20:45That's amazing. It's like James Bond.

0:20:47 > 0:20:50Do you know how often a bus would come to my village?

0:20:50 > 0:20:51Once a week.

0:20:53 > 0:20:55What about getting back?

0:20:58 > 0:21:01You had to go for a week wherever you went.

0:21:01 > 0:21:04You'd go there and you'd use the internet cafe

0:21:04 > 0:21:06and you'd come back a week later.

0:21:06 > 0:21:09And do you know how many children there were

0:21:09 > 0:21:10in my year at primary school?

0:21:10 > 0:21:13Four.

0:21:13 > 0:21:14Two boys, two girls.

0:21:14 > 0:21:17Four children in your year?

0:21:17 > 0:21:19Yeah, including me.

0:21:19 > 0:21:22You should have done so much better in life, shouldn't you?

0:21:24 > 0:21:27You had, like, private schooling.

0:21:27 > 0:21:29If someone had said to me when I was 11

0:21:29 > 0:21:30I'd get to meet Aled Jones

0:21:30 > 0:21:32and he'd tell me my life wasn't going very well...

0:21:32 > 0:21:36LAUGHTER

0:21:36 > 0:21:37..I'd have snapped their hand off!

0:21:39 > 0:21:43There's a kind of rivalry, as well, between Devon and Cornwall.

0:21:43 > 0:21:45over little things. Where you go...

0:21:45 > 0:21:47For instance, I don't know,

0:21:47 > 0:21:49if you were to have a cream tea, Frank...

0:21:49 > 0:21:52Oh, it just so happens!

0:21:52 > 0:21:55Now, which one of those would you choose?

0:21:55 > 0:22:00- Cos one is cream over jam...- Oh. - ..and one is jam over cream.

0:22:00 > 0:22:02- One is a Devon scone and one... - One is Devon,

0:22:02 > 0:22:06and the other is completely disgusting and wrong.

0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Yeah.- I like jam first and then cream on top.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12- Correct decision, Sara Cox. - Oh, really?

0:22:12 > 0:22:14- No, but that's Cornwall. - That's Cornwall.

0:22:14 > 0:22:16No! Jam on below, cream on the top - that's Devon.

0:22:16 > 0:22:20- No. Devon is...- No, that's Cornwall. - Devon is definitely the cream on...

0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER

0:22:22 > 0:22:24So the Cornish are right.

0:22:24 > 0:22:27I was...I was....

0:22:27 > 0:22:29- This place!- I'm confused. Shouldn't you know?

0:22:29 > 0:22:32- To tell you how bad this place is, it's worse than Cornwall.- Yes.

0:22:34 > 0:22:36This gives me the shudders, I'll tell you why.

0:22:36 > 0:22:38Something happened to me.

0:22:38 > 0:22:40I was at a cricket match, right,

0:22:40 > 0:22:47and I was with the wife of quite a high-ranking cricket administrator.

0:22:47 > 0:22:48I won't say who.

0:22:48 > 0:22:50And she was a sort of... How can I put it?

0:22:50 > 0:22:53She was a sort of full-figured woman

0:22:53 > 0:22:57and they started bringing out the cream teas, and I said,

0:22:57 > 0:23:01because she was the wife of a cricket administrator,

0:23:01 > 0:23:04- I said, "I'll bet you've had a few cream teas in your time!"- Oh!

0:23:07 > 0:23:09Oh!

0:23:09 > 0:23:11Oh, dear.

0:23:11 > 0:23:16I meant because her husband was a cricket administrator.

0:23:16 > 0:23:19And I tried to explain that in a sort of a, you know...

0:23:19 > 0:23:22People, when they're crying, they don't listen.

0:23:22 > 0:23:25LAUGHTER

0:23:25 > 0:23:28This is the thing, that's the kind of thing Devon and Cornwall argue over

0:23:28 > 0:23:32and that's why they will never be economic superpowers.

0:23:35 > 0:23:38It's nice to visit, but... You grew up in Birmingham,

0:23:38 > 0:23:41- there's things to do. - Yes, there's things to do.

0:23:41 > 0:23:45- But what about the beach when you were little?- I grew up in Dartmoor,

0:23:45 > 0:23:48in a tiny village in the middle of desolate moorland and a prison.

0:23:52 > 0:23:55You should work for the tourist board!

0:23:55 > 0:23:57Aled, I hate to ask this of you, but you wouldn't be so good

0:23:57 > 0:24:01as to put the dill back onto Sara's platform, would you?

0:24:01 > 0:24:03- Yeah. Of course, Frank. - Thank you so much.

0:24:03 > 0:24:05I know, you're too big to carry dill.

0:24:05 > 0:24:08Oh, you looked like the worst bridesmaid ever then. No offence.

0:24:08 > 0:24:10- With the dill.- Yeah.

0:24:10 > 0:24:12"Oh, I wonder if I'll catch the dill."

0:24:16 > 0:24:20OK. Well, look, for a start, I can't...

0:24:20 > 0:24:22I just can't put Devon in.

0:24:22 > 0:24:26I've been on a walking holiday and it was a beautiful experience.

0:24:26 > 0:24:28And you've moved away now,

0:24:28 > 0:24:31so you don't have to put up with it every day.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Fair enough.- So, no Devon.

0:24:33 > 0:24:38Now, this is an age-old choice between dill and scorpions.

0:24:40 > 0:24:42Rarely do we get a guest

0:24:42 > 0:24:45who has been so vociferous in their hatred of a choice,

0:24:45 > 0:24:49- so I am going to put dill into Room 101.- Thank you!

0:24:49 > 0:24:52APPLAUSE

0:25:01 > 0:25:02Next category, please.

0:25:09 > 0:25:12Ah, this is the audience choice where the people speak.

0:25:12 > 0:25:19- I believe we have Jessica Vickery in the audience tonight. Hello.- Hi.

0:25:19 > 0:25:23Thanks for coming tonight. What would you like to put into Room 101?

0:25:23 > 0:25:27I would really love it if you put mayonnaise into Room 101.

0:25:32 > 0:25:37- Why would that be?- When it's put on food, that's all you can taste.

0:25:37 > 0:25:41I might as well just eat a jar of mayonnaise.

0:25:41 > 0:25:46Basically, when I buy stuff from the shop, I try and buy sandwiches,

0:25:46 > 0:25:48I try and buy something without mayonnaise in,

0:25:48 > 0:25:53and I have to find that stamp, that no-mayo stamp.

0:25:53 > 0:25:58And you can't find it anywhere, so I have to be there for a long time.

0:25:58 > 0:26:01And I look a little bit uptight, trying to find...

0:26:01 > 0:26:05I've got things to do but I'm trying to find things with no mayonnaise.

0:26:05 > 0:26:08The only things I can really have are just cheese,

0:26:08 > 0:26:11just ham and just chicken, and that's what they're called,

0:26:11 > 0:26:13and that also makes me look uptight.

0:26:14 > 0:26:17Have you considered making your own sandwiches?

0:26:25 > 0:26:29Yeah, but I'm always too busy. I do make...

0:26:29 > 0:26:31I'm pretty sure you'd say,

0:26:31 > 0:26:35"Even then! There's always a bit of mayonnaise!"

0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Are you familiar with Baconnaise? - No...

0:26:40 > 0:26:45Well, maybe that will change your mind. Baconnaise is a...

0:26:45 > 0:26:47I'm not making this up.

0:26:47 > 0:26:51Baconnaise is bacon flavoured mayonnaise, as you may have guessed.

0:26:51 > 0:26:55I love the slogan, which is, "Everything should taste like bacon."

0:26:59 > 0:27:02Pretty radical.

0:27:02 > 0:27:05Some people say to me, "How did the bacon get into Baconnaise?"

0:27:05 > 0:27:08Well, I have an illustrative video.

0:27:08 > 0:27:13Your love for me is all I need. And more than I can stand.

0:27:13 > 0:27:18Monsieur Bacon! You have no shame!

0:27:19 > 0:27:24What can I say? Allow me to demonstrate.

0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Has that won you over? - Absolutely not.

0:27:54 > 0:27:56You must admit, though,

0:27:56 > 0:28:01the idea of Baconnaise being turned into some sort of love match...

0:28:01 > 0:28:03It's a fine piece of film making.

0:28:03 > 0:28:06I don't agree with you on this,

0:28:06 > 0:28:12but I do feel that mayo is...it's everywhere at the moment.

0:28:12 > 0:28:15And it shouldn't be in every sandwich.

0:28:15 > 0:28:18So I tell you what, Jessica, I'm going to give you this one.

0:28:18 > 0:28:21- I am going to put mayonnaise into Room 101.- Yes!

0:28:30 > 0:28:33Well done, Jessica. Let's have our next category.

0:28:37 > 0:28:39Ah, modern life.

0:28:39 > 0:28:42So, what doesn't Aled like about modern life?

0:28:46 > 0:28:48It's the Christmas round robin.

0:28:50 > 0:28:53It's basically the Christmas card that you receive and you think,

0:28:53 > 0:28:56"Oh, how nice of the Evans family to remember me this Christmas."

0:28:56 > 0:29:00And you open it up and inside there's a folded piece of A4 paper

0:29:00 > 0:29:03and it tells you about how wonderful their year has been.

0:29:03 > 0:29:05The fact that little Jimmy, you know,

0:29:05 > 0:29:08passed his GCSEs at the age of six.

0:29:08 > 0:29:12They've been on six holidays, built a mud hut in Malawi.

0:29:12 > 0:29:16They've retired, they're going to go and live in the Himalayas somewhere.

0:29:16 > 0:29:20And you think to yourself, "God, I've had a rubbish year, haven't I?

0:29:20 > 0:29:22"Why isn't my family like their family?"

0:29:22 > 0:29:24I've never got one of these, so I...

0:29:24 > 0:29:26I'm going to send you one.

0:29:26 > 0:29:29- I would love to get a round robin from the Jones family...- OK.

0:29:29 > 0:29:33- ..telling me what you've done this year.- OK.- That'd be brilliant. - I'll play it down.

0:29:33 > 0:29:36There's a book by Simon Hoggart,

0:29:36 > 0:29:39which is a collection of round robin letters

0:29:39 > 0:29:42and one is written from a dead dog.

0:29:44 > 0:29:46It says, "It probably won't come as a huge surprise

0:29:46 > 0:29:49"when I tell you that these greetings come to you

0:29:49 > 0:29:52"from my new home in the happy hunting ground.

0:29:52 > 0:29:54"Now my body lies four foot down,

0:29:54 > 0:29:58"deep in the underworld, in one of my favourite places in the garden

0:29:58 > 0:30:01"with Michaelmas daisies and lilies on top

0:30:01 > 0:30:06"and a shark's fin headstone to speed my night sea crossing."

0:30:06 > 0:30:10- Happy Christmas. - LAUGHTER

0:30:10 > 0:30:12Here's another.

0:30:12 > 0:30:14"Holidays this year included two weeks in Turkey

0:30:14 > 0:30:16- "on the side of a small bay..." - Here we go.

0:30:16 > 0:30:18"..voted one of the best views in the world.

0:30:18 > 0:30:21"Our second holiday took us to the Red Sea Riviera,

0:30:21 > 0:30:23"where we went to see the Pyramids.

0:30:23 > 0:30:25"(Overrated.)"

0:30:27 > 0:30:29- Is that from a dog as well?!- No, no.

0:30:30 > 0:30:33Do you ever rank your Christmas cards?

0:30:33 > 0:30:35What?!

0:30:35 > 0:30:38I put people I like best at the front.

0:30:38 > 0:30:39Yeah.

0:30:39 > 0:30:42And then, like, I put them in the corner of the room

0:30:42 > 0:30:44and then as I go back, it's people I like less.

0:30:44 > 0:30:46They don't know this.

0:30:46 > 0:30:50There are people I put behind the one from the local curry house.

0:30:50 > 0:30:53LAUGHTER

0:30:53 > 0:30:56So it's family, friends and close people at the front,

0:30:56 > 0:30:58and off they go into the distance.

0:30:58 > 0:31:00The other thing I like is Christmas cards

0:31:00 > 0:31:02where people have had the photos taken especially.

0:31:02 > 0:31:05- Do you ever get any of them?- Yes. - Oh, yeah.- I hate them as well.

0:31:05 > 0:31:07- Do you?- Yeah. Not keen.

0:31:07 > 0:31:10We have some pictures of these personalised Christmas cards.

0:31:10 > 0:31:12See what you think. This is the first one.

0:31:15 > 0:31:18Is that a dead one in front of the boy?

0:31:22 > 0:31:23I'm not going to lie to you, Frank,

0:31:23 > 0:31:26I'm not sure that the boy's alive either.

0:31:27 > 0:31:30So that's...you might say that was a bad decision.

0:31:30 > 0:31:32Let me tell you, THIS is a bad decision.

0:31:33 > 0:31:36Oh, no.

0:31:36 > 0:31:39That shouts out Christmas though, doesn't it?

0:31:39 > 0:31:42Is she wearing a coconut bra?

0:31:42 > 0:31:43She is.

0:31:43 > 0:31:46- That's not Christmassy. - That's not very festive.- Yeah.

0:31:46 > 0:31:48Not that that was my issue with it!

0:31:49 > 0:31:51She's got a Christmas hat. That's all right, isn't it?

0:31:51 > 0:31:56- It should be like, I don't know, a couple of, like...- Holly? - Christmas pudding.- Chocolate orange.

0:31:56 > 0:31:58Two chocolate oranges...

0:31:58 > 0:31:59and a Toblerone.

0:31:59 > 0:32:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:32:03 > 0:32:05I'm going to send Sara one like this of me,

0:32:05 > 0:32:07except it's going to be dill.

0:32:10 > 0:32:13So, what doesn't Josh like about modern life?

0:32:19 > 0:32:20Slogan T-shirts.

0:32:20 > 0:32:23- Oh!- You'll see these people walking down the street,

0:32:23 > 0:32:26- or you'll meet a friend...- Mm.

0:32:26 > 0:32:28and they're wearing something that says, like,

0:32:28 > 0:32:34- "You've got Hotmale," mail spelt like you're a man.- Mm.

0:32:34 > 0:32:38It's very difficult because people buy these T-shirts and they walk

0:32:38 > 0:32:43around as if they're the funniest people that have ever...walked.

0:32:43 > 0:32:46Like, when you say something funny, you laugh.

0:32:46 > 0:32:49You don't go, "That was really good, Frank.

0:32:49 > 0:32:52- "I'm going to get that made into a T-shirt."- That's my dream.

0:32:53 > 0:32:54What about this one?

0:32:56 > 0:32:57Oh!

0:32:57 > 0:32:59I mean, don't hold that up, Frank,

0:32:59 > 0:33:01you're a recovering alcoholic.

0:33:01 > 0:33:04LAUGHTER

0:33:04 > 0:33:05I daren't. I daren't wear this.

0:33:07 > 0:33:09This is a funny one.

0:33:09 > 0:33:11Oh!

0:33:11 > 0:33:12I mean, that's dodgy.

0:33:12 > 0:33:15What if you walked past a school? I mean...

0:33:18 > 0:33:21Well, it doesn't say when. It's some time in the future.

0:33:21 > 0:33:24I just think it's the, kind of, whole level of, "I'm a bit wacky."

0:33:24 > 0:33:27It's a bit like wearing a funny tie or funny socks.

0:33:27 > 0:33:29What about this one?

0:33:30 > 0:33:31"Dill with it."

0:33:31 > 0:33:34LAUGHTER

0:33:34 > 0:33:36Do you know, this is a genuine... We haven't made this.

0:33:36 > 0:33:39- This is a commercially available... - Really?- ..T-shirt.

0:33:39 > 0:33:41- It's kind of good. - "Dill with it."

0:33:41 > 0:33:43Can you believe that someone sat around and thought,

0:33:43 > 0:33:45"What's going to be a money-spinner?

0:33:45 > 0:33:48"What about a confrontational T-shirt for dill lovers?"

0:33:50 > 0:33:55I mean, I'm sort of anti-T-shirts, generally.

0:33:55 > 0:33:57You're going to go skins?

0:33:57 > 0:33:59No, I just don't... I never wear T-shirts.

0:33:59 > 0:34:00I'm the wrong age.

0:34:00 > 0:34:03Also, I've got a slightly...

0:34:03 > 0:34:04You can't tell in this lovely cut jacket.

0:34:04 > 0:34:07I've got a slightly round shoulder on this side,

0:34:07 > 0:34:09so if I wear a slogan T-shirt,

0:34:09 > 0:34:12the end of it is basically lost in a crumple.

0:34:14 > 0:34:17I had to stop wearing my "I love Dick and Dom."

0:34:17 > 0:34:19LAUGHTER

0:34:20 > 0:34:24OK. So what doesn't Sara like about modern life?

0:34:29 > 0:34:31- Wow.- Death metal.

0:34:31 > 0:34:32Death metal?

0:34:32 > 0:34:37Now, as a DJ, it's my job to respect all genres of music.

0:34:37 > 0:34:42- Mm.- You know, be it jazz, funk fusion, drum and bass.

0:34:42 > 0:34:44But the kind of music

0:34:44 > 0:34:48that makes me want to pull out my eyes and stuff them in my ears

0:34:48 > 0:34:49is death metal.

0:34:49 > 0:34:51That sounds like a lyric from death metal.

0:34:51 > 0:34:53It could well be.

0:34:53 > 0:34:54I don't mind rock,

0:34:54 > 0:34:56I don't mind guitar music, I don't mind indie music,

0:34:56 > 0:34:58I have no problem with that.

0:34:58 > 0:35:01It's just when people are screaming

0:35:01 > 0:35:04- over really heavy, hard music.- OK.

0:35:04 > 0:35:06In case there's anyone watching

0:35:06 > 0:35:08who doesn't know what death metal sounds like,

0:35:08 > 0:35:10it sounds like this.

0:35:10 > 0:35:13SONG: "Bring Me The Horizon" by Shadow Moses

0:35:29 > 0:35:32APPLAUSE

0:35:39 > 0:35:42Well, I love it.

0:35:42 > 0:35:44Hold on, where's my wallet?

0:35:46 > 0:35:48It would sort them out on X Factor, wouldn't it?

0:35:48 > 0:35:50Can you imagine? One week they do the love week

0:35:50 > 0:35:52and then they do the death metal week.

0:35:52 > 0:35:53It would be brilliant.

0:35:53 > 0:35:55Well, if they did something like that,

0:35:55 > 0:35:58you might get something like this happen.

0:35:58 > 0:36:02My name is Aaralyn O'Neil and I am six years old.

0:36:09 > 0:36:13RASPING: # Everyone, listen to me... #

0:36:13 > 0:36:17INDISTINCT

0:36:17 > 0:36:21# ..I'm gonna eat you up right now!

0:36:24 > 0:36:27# A-a-a-a-a-rgh!

0:36:27 > 0:36:31# I'm gonna eat you up right now! #

0:36:31 > 0:36:34APPLAUSE

0:36:34 > 0:36:38- That was quite good, actually. - That was brilliant.

0:36:38 > 0:36:42I do love music, and I get that people love all types of music

0:36:42 > 0:36:45- but it's just really not for me, that.- No.

0:36:45 > 0:36:49And plus, I've got a nice show like Sounds Of The '80s on Radio Two,

0:36:49 > 0:36:53so perhaps maybe my ears are adjusting.

0:36:53 > 0:36:55Are you using this as a plug?

0:36:55 > 0:36:58No. Well, it is BBC and it's great. 10:00pm, Saturday night.

0:36:58 > 0:37:01Also, I have to say, I never, ever would play that sort of music

0:37:01 > 0:37:05on Classic FM between 9:00 and 12:00 every Sunday.

0:37:05 > 0:37:06Never.

0:37:07 > 0:37:10OK. Well, look, we've come to the end of that round.

0:37:10 > 0:37:13I am so intrigued

0:37:13 > 0:37:15by the whole world of round robins,

0:37:15 > 0:37:17and I hope to use this as a springboard

0:37:17 > 0:37:20to encourage my friends to send me round robin letters.

0:37:20 > 0:37:23And death metal, I know...you know,

0:37:23 > 0:37:24it can be a shock to the system

0:37:24 > 0:37:27and there is a certain sameyness about it

0:37:27 > 0:37:30but I really respect the amount of devotion and commitment

0:37:30 > 0:37:32that the people involved with it seem to have.

0:37:32 > 0:37:34I know I'm sounding like an old man but I don't care.

0:37:34 > 0:37:37I, however, and although it is a branch of comedy,

0:37:37 > 0:37:40I do worry about slogan T-shirts.

0:37:40 > 0:37:44I think maybe people should be witty and charming verbally

0:37:44 > 0:37:46rather than through fibre.

0:37:48 > 0:37:51So I'm going to put slogan T-shirts into Room 101.

0:37:51 > 0:37:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:38:03 > 0:38:05And that brings us to the end of the show.

0:38:05 > 0:38:07And well done, Sara,

0:38:07 > 0:38:09you were the most persuasive guest so you are this week's winner.

0:38:09 > 0:38:11Excellent. Thank you.

0:38:11 > 0:38:13CHEERING

0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Well done.- Thank you.

0:38:16 > 0:38:19Thanks very much, Josh Widdicombe, Sara Cox and Aled Jones,

0:38:19 > 0:38:21and thank you. Good night.