0:00:22 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:34Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:34 > 0:00:38the show where three guests vie to cast their biggest bugbears
0:00:38 > 0:00:40deep into the gloomy vault.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Joining me tonight are comedian Adam Hills,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47broadcaster Gyles Brandreth and pop superstar Melanie C.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50CHEERING
0:00:53 > 0:00:55So, can we have our first category?
0:01:01 > 0:01:05What kind of people wind up Gyles?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13LAUGHTER
0:01:16 > 0:01:18The electorate.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Yes.- The people who vote.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I should say, that is a shot of our audience here tonight.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26But they are the electorate. There's no getting round that.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I used to be a Member of Parliament, until the people spoke.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Where were you MP for? - The city of Chester.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- Beautiful part of the world. - Yes, of course.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And many of them were nice people. This is just an act of revenge...
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Yes.- ..on my part. I knew I had contempt for my constituents,
0:01:42 > 0:01:45but it just came as a bit of a shock to the system
0:01:45 > 0:01:47to find the feeling was entirely mutual.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50So I lost my seat. That's the point.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I lost my seat at the General Election, and I thought,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55"Well, they can do that to me." Here's my chance, Frank.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Thanks to you, I can do the same to them.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- I'm now voting for you to go down the plughole.- Fair enough.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04So your political policy right now is,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06"If you don't vote for me, I lock you in a room."
0:02:08 > 0:02:12We have a picture of you in your politician days.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- LAUGHTER - Ah, yes. Yeah.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I don't know if you were just about to jump.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21John Major became the leader of my party.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23That's when, overnight, I began to go grey.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25William Hague became the leader of my party.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Again, to show my loyalty, overnight, I began to go bald.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I was only grateful that Ann Widdecombe did not succeed.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36During the General Election, in fact, my darling wife came back
0:02:36 > 0:02:39to our house one day. I'd been out canvassing, campaigning,
0:02:39 > 0:02:41and I found a 'for sale' notice outside our house.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I said, "What have you done?" She said, "I've put our house up for sale."
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I said, "In the constituency? I'm running for election."
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- She said, "Yes, I know, but I've seen the way the wind is blowing."- Blimey!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53There's no vapid optimism with my wife, I can tell you.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57As my wife says to me, "Gyles, when one door closes, it's shut."
0:02:57 > 0:02:59LAUGHTER
0:02:59 > 0:03:03Well, we have a clip of Iain Duncan Smith listening to
0:03:03 > 0:03:05the voice of the people in Liverpool.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11How's it feel to be a complete non-entity, Mr Duncan Smith?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Scum of the earth!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And you've got cheap shoes!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18LAUGHTER
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Actually, all MPs of all parties, in my experience,
0:03:23 > 0:03:24almost all of them, it's a vocation.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27They do it because they want to make the world
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- a better place, in small ways... - Is that true, Gyles?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31It really is true, because, er, I mean, all right,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33maybe the expenses are marvellous,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35but the wages aren't that marvellous.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- The expenses aren't what they used to be.- They aren't.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I want you to know, though... May I say something?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44May I say something, Frank? I was a respectable Member of Parliament.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I dug my own moat.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:51That was just to keep the electorate away.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Now, this is what I suspect politicians think of each other.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01This is a Ukrainian MP called Rehawhi Suakis,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04and he's talking to another politician,
0:04:04 > 0:04:06and just watch what he does.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Oh! - LAUGHTER
0:04:17 > 0:04:21OK, so what kind of people wind up Adam?
0:04:25 > 0:04:30People who predict what's going to happen next in a movie.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- AUDIENCE GROANS - Eugh!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Oh! See? I've got the electorate now!
0:04:34 > 0:04:36LAUGHTER
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Do you know what I mean? Like, I love movies.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I love watching a movie and I love losing myself in the movie,
0:04:42 > 0:04:44to the point where everything else just disappears
0:04:44 > 0:04:45and I'm fully engaged in the story.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49And, for me, someone's written it, someone's directed it,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52someone's's shot it in just a way that it's building up
0:04:52 > 0:04:54to a moment that catches you unaware,
0:04:54 > 0:04:55and to have the person next to you
0:04:55 > 0:04:58suddenly lean over and go, "I know what's going to happen next."
0:04:58 > 0:05:00No! I don't care!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03And, basically, this is the person saying,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05"I'm smarter than whoever wrote the movie."
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Yeah, see, I find films are a bit too long. Nowadays.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12So, if someone says to me, "I think that's the murderer,"
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I think, "You know, I'll take that as an ending."
0:05:14 > 0:05:16LAUGHTER
0:05:16 > 0:05:19"Shall we leave it there? Let's have a pizza. That'll do."
0:05:19 > 0:05:21But I mean, your experience of The Sixth Sense
0:05:21 > 0:05:23would be totally different to everybody else's.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27You would think it was just a nice story about a kindly psychiatrist.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Yeah?! But that's all right. I've got my own little ending.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31LAUGHTER
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I mean, I like people having a guess.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36I can't bear the idea of going to the cinema with either of you two,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39though, because you're chatting through the film!
0:05:39 > 0:05:42I can't bear it when people talk! Even whispering! Why do you allow
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- your friend to whisper anything? - I completely agree!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47"There's a rule here! We don't talk when we're in here!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49"Pretend we're married! We're not going to speak!"
0:05:49 > 0:05:50LAUGHTER
0:05:50 > 0:05:53What about at home when you're watching a video at home?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Oh, it's not allowed! It's not allowed!
0:05:55 > 0:05:58If it's a worthwhile experience,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00we close the blinds, we close the curtains,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02and my children, now my grandchildren,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04they sell tickets.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And they serve the popcorn. It becomes like a proper experience.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- I can't bear people chatting. - I completely agree!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12And the other annoying thing is
0:06:12 > 0:06:14people who laugh uproariously when it isn't funny.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17You know, I quite like those people. LAUGHTER
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Yeah, I built a career on those people.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I don't think I'd ever thought I'd say this,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26but I want to go to every movie with you from now on.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28You sound like the ideal person to watch a movie with.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Well, do you know, there's a touch
0:06:30 > 0:06:33of the Tommy Two Ways about me. I think we could get on quite well.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34LAUGHTER
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Is this...? Is this the normal friend you go with?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44I'm going to... I'm going to need an Australian-English translator.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I was just confused by the little plasticine model, um,
0:06:49 > 0:06:52of these two lovely young Australian boys.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Um... - LAUGHTER
0:06:55 > 0:06:57- They're based on me. - Oh, I'm so sorry!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01APPLAUSE
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I take that as an enormous compliment!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11But you don't get it in comedy. No-one would sit in a comedy club
0:07:11 > 0:07:13and tell you, you know, you don't hear people
0:07:13 > 0:07:15whispering how they think the punch line's going to end up.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I find if people go to tell you I joke,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19and you say, "Oh, I know this one,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22"it's blah-blah-blah," they'll still tell it.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I remember hearing a joke, and you may know this, of prisoners,
0:07:25 > 0:07:29there are prisoners in a jail and a new guy comes in
0:07:29 > 0:07:31and everything goes quiet, they're not allowed to talk after dark,
0:07:31 > 0:07:35and someone just yells a number, and then everyone starts laughing,
0:07:35 > 0:07:37then someone else yells a number, and everyone laughs.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40He turns to his cell-mate and says, "What's going on?"
0:07:40 > 0:07:42"We're not allowed to tell jokes, so we've memorised them
0:07:42 > 0:07:44"and we just yell numbers out
0:07:44 > 0:07:47"and everyone knows what the joke is."
0:07:47 > 0:07:50And the guy went, "Can I have a go?" "Yeah, have a go!"
0:07:50 > 0:07:52"72!" and gets nothing.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54He looks at the cell-mate and goes, "What happened?"
0:07:54 > 0:07:56And he went, "It's the way you told it."
0:07:56 > 0:07:58LAUGHTER
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Now, someone once started telling me that joke
0:08:00 > 0:08:03and I was like, "Oh, I know it," and then, I thought, "No, don't...
0:08:03 > 0:08:06"Don't interrupt, it might not end the way you think it'll end."
0:08:06 > 0:08:09And he said the joke and he went, "Right, 72!"
0:08:09 > 0:08:12And the cell-mates just lost their minds and were applauding,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15they're stamping, and he turns to his cell-mate and says,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17"Why are they laughing so hard at that one?" He went,
0:08:17 > 0:08:19"They've never heard that one before!"
0:08:19 > 0:08:21LAUGHTER
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Now, if I had interrupted that guy,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I wouldn't have got the extra punch line.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Good lesson, and also, I'm really happy to hear that
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Australians are still telling prison jokes.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:35APPLAUSE
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Er, what kind of people wind up Melanie C?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45SHE LAUGHS
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Aw...
0:08:47 > 0:08:50People who think I'm deaf.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- Hmm.- It's a strange one! - LAUGHTER
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Very frequently, people will pass me in the street and point at me
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- and go, "Oh, my God, it's Melanie C!"- Yeah.
0:09:01 > 0:09:02From this far away?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- But I can hear you!- Yes. Yeah, I get that.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Yeah!- Yeah! I get, "Frankie!"
0:09:08 > 0:09:09LAUGHTER
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Which was very difficult when I was on the witness protection programme.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17But there's lots of weird things that people do, you know,
0:09:17 > 0:09:19when they recognise you, or think they recognise you.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Walking behind you and then they kind of pick up the pace
0:09:22 > 0:09:23and they leave their mates behind
0:09:23 > 0:09:26and they'll walk forward and go, "Oh...
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- "I forgot something," and then they turn round, just to check...- Oh!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- ..and go like that to their mate... - SHE MOUTHS:- Yes!- Wow!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- That's a clever one!- Yeah!
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- So they're not saying it to you, just, as they walk past you...- Yeah.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39..they kind of go, "Oh, Melanie C!" really loudly?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42But I also get a lot of, "Mel B!"
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Ooh! LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Another favourite is,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49when you're just like sitting with a friend, and having a bit of food,
0:09:49 > 0:09:54and you just see this, you know, and then a little click.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57But I do quite like the secret photo as a genre.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02We've got a few secretly taken photos of celebrities.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03This is Bradley Walsh.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07You see him, in the background there in a baseball cap?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09LAUGHTER
0:10:10 > 0:10:14And, my own particular favourite, Warwick Davis.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Right? Now...- Where is he?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21He's in the shop looking at magazines, I think they said.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Here he is.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25That's him. LAUGHTER
0:10:25 > 0:10:27But they're not... People take them...
0:10:27 > 0:10:33It was so big, the Spice Girls, that nothing you do is ever going to be...
0:10:33 > 0:10:34No-one's going to shout,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37"Oi! Congratulations on your musical theatre career!"
0:10:37 > 0:10:39It's just not going to happen, is it?
0:10:39 > 0:10:43- You know, you're a victim of your own success.- Yeah.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46And I'm actually really lucky, because I've never had
0:10:46 > 0:10:49anything negative, the public have been nothing but lovely to me.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Well, stick around. LAUGHTER
0:10:52 > 0:10:53You have continued, though.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56It's not like the Spice Girls is way in your past.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Every now and again, you sort of revive them a bit.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- You did the musical... - Yeah.- ..which I went to.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04I'm not saying this cos you're here, I really liked it.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- I know, me too!- I don't know why that went down.- I know!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09But you did the press launch for that.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11We've got pictures of you at the press launch.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I'm not sure that Victoria totally joined in.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15You all look so smiley and happy.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- I know!- And she looks great, then another picture...
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Maybe she knew something we didn't. - Maybe.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24But look, that's exactly the same! LAUGHTER
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Look at this picture.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER
0:11:31 > 0:11:33She's starting to tire at that stage!
0:11:33 > 0:11:34SHE GIGGLES
0:11:34 > 0:11:37You don't want to end up like Ringo Starr.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Ringo Starr got very angry about signing autographs
0:11:40 > 0:11:44and he put this on his website.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46This is a serious message
0:11:46 > 0:11:50to everybody watching my update right now.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- Peace and love. Peace and love! - AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:11:53 > 0:11:59I want to tell you, please, after the 20th of October,
0:11:59 > 0:12:04do not send fan mail to any address that you have.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12If that has a date on the envelope, it's going to be tossed.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16I'm warning you, with peace and love, I have too much to do.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19So no more fan mail. Thank you. Thank you.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21LAUGHTER
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I like "I'm warning you with peace and love!"
0:12:24 > 0:12:28And also, Ringo Starr has too much to do?!
0:12:28 > 0:12:29LAUGHTER
0:12:29 > 0:12:31How did that happen?!
0:12:31 > 0:12:35Well, he's got his anger management classes to go to, hasn't he?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I mean, also, he's got a little camcorder there, hasn't he?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41He sat in a corner and done it on...
0:12:41 > 0:12:45It's not like he's got a film crew in to make it like he could afford it.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- It's this angry old Scouser!- Yeah!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51This thing about people thinking you're deaf, though, I think
0:12:51 > 0:12:55the worst thing is when the fans seem like they might be deaf.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57This is a fan of Mariah Carey
0:12:57 > 0:13:01who I think is having problems with her hearing.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17TO THE TUNE OF "Without You":
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- LAUGHTER - Brilliant! That is brilliant!
0:14:02 > 0:14:07OK, so, look, you argue very well, all three of you.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I don't think I can put people who think you're deaf, because...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I know, I know I wasn't going to win that one,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- but I would quite like this doll, though.- OK.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18You're telling me you don't have a Sporty Spice doll?
0:14:18 > 0:14:19I've got a houseful!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21LAUGHTER
0:14:21 > 0:14:24But you're not getting it, because I think it's just excitement.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27- People are so excited to see you, they forget themselves.- OK.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30People who predict the end of the film I think are doing me a favour,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33because I just don't want to hang around that long.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36The electorate just make one terrible mistake after the next,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39so I'm going to put the electorate into Room 101.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Well done!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42APPLAUSE
0:14:50 > 0:14:52OK, next category, please.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02It's modern life! What doesn't Gyles like about modern life?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Passwords!- Oh!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I've been exploring who gets to be happy, how and why,
0:15:12 > 0:15:15looking for the seven secrets of happiness, and one of them
0:15:15 > 0:15:18is to take change on board, not to resist change.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21You've got to cope with a changing world if you want to be happy,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24but I have to tell you, there's one thing
0:15:24 > 0:15:28I really am finding it difficult to cope with, and that is passwords.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I do not want to learn another frigging password!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33CHEERING
0:15:36 > 0:15:41- I have a list here of the most popular passwords in the UK.- Ah!
0:15:41 > 0:15:46Um, the most popular one, apparently, is your first name,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49whatever that is, with the number 1 after it.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51WOMAN CACKLES Someone recognised that!
0:15:51 > 0:15:52LAUGHTER
0:15:52 > 0:15:55I love the fact that it's not just the first name,
0:15:55 > 0:15:59that people have put 1 over it, thinking, "That'll fool 'em!"
0:15:59 > 0:16:00LAUGHTER
0:16:00 > 0:16:04The third most popular, apparently, is "monkey"!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Why is that?! LAUGHTER
0:16:07 > 0:16:09What's number two? Why have you avoided that?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Well...- Is that yours? Yours is number two?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14It is actually mine!
0:16:14 > 0:16:16It's "password1"!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17LAUGHTER
0:16:17 > 0:16:20- That's annoying.- My wife, being a remarkable woman...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22FRANK LAUGHS
0:16:22 > 0:16:25..and having everything beautifully organised,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28she has insisted on different passwords for everything.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30She won't have universal passwords,
0:16:30 > 0:16:34so even if we came up with quite a complicated password, that won't do.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38So she has memorised dozens of these passwords
0:16:38 > 0:16:41and I now have no access to anything!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- LAUGHTER - We actually discuss this
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- at the Relate meetings most weeks! - LAUGHTER
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I just... You know when they send you a password,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53or a PIN number as an example, I just keep that.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- But then, they know it as well, then! They know it!- I don't mind.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I'm the sort of person, if I buy a wallet
0:16:58 > 0:17:00and it's got a picture of a person in, I just keep that in.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02LAUGHTER
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Anyway, what does Adam Hills not like about modern life?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10BOX CRACKS
0:17:10 > 0:17:11LAUGHTER
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- APPLAUSE MELANIE:- Hey!
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- Looks fine!- Yeah! Yup!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20What I don't like about modern life -
0:17:20 > 0:17:23naming rights on public stadiums.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Woo!- Wow!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Ooh!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29And especially... I mean, I love being in Britain
0:17:29 > 0:17:31and I love going to sporting events
0:17:31 > 0:17:34and I love places like Old Trafford and Edgbaston, Lords and The Oval!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37I love those names and it's happened in Australia a lot,
0:17:37 > 0:17:40and it's starting to happen here, as well, where... I mean,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42there's the O2 - I get that - and there's Emirates Stadium,
0:17:42 > 0:17:46but then, I mean, Newcastle had Sports Direct Stadium!
0:17:46 > 0:17:47And just...
0:17:47 > 0:17:51It just makes the stadiums sound like they've got loose morals.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54You mock people when they name their children after brand names.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Do you?- Oh, God, do you not(?) - LAUGHTER
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I mean, you see people with children called Armani.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02And, honestly, in the last count in America,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04there are seven children named Del Monte!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05LAUGHTER
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I bet they're very positive people.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12The New Zealand government this year had to issue a list of names
0:18:12 > 0:18:14that you're not allowed to call your children.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Oh, right.- Because of the names that people were using.- Hmm.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19There was a Full Stop.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21There was the number 89.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24If you don't do it to a child, don't do it to a stadium.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- That's my rule. - LAUGHTER
0:18:26 > 0:18:28That's a great motto for life!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32And yet, I understand the benefits of it.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I understand that it's, you know, a lot of cash goes to the club,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37because there's naming rights and sponsorship,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39but for me, venues that have been around for ages
0:18:39 > 0:18:41have a certain history and character to them
0:18:41 > 0:18:44and as soon as you whack on a big McDonald's over the top of it
0:18:44 > 0:18:46it just makes it feel a bit cheaper for me.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48We have some examples.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Wincham Park was the home of Witton Albion
0:18:51 > 0:18:54and in August 2000 it changed its name
0:18:54 > 0:18:56to the Bargain Booze Stadium.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57LAUGHTER
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Oh!
0:18:59 > 0:19:03York City played at Bootham Crescent,
0:19:03 > 0:19:07- which was renamed KitKat Crescent... - Ah!- ..in 2005,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- owing to a sponsorship deal with Nestle.- Yeah.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12And they said if they won a trophy
0:19:12 > 0:19:15it would be paraded round town in a Double Decker.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:18 > 0:19:21I'd like to be sponsored by something!
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Rather a fun idea!
0:19:22 > 0:19:27- Yes!- Yeah, what would I choose? To be a sort of old Milky Bar kid?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28LAUGHTER
0:19:30 > 0:19:33We should all be sponsored. Who would you be sponsored by?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I suppose these days I should be sponsored by Old Spice.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40What a lovely idea!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47OK, what does Melanie C not like about modern life?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Ooh.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58The overwhelming choice of toothpastes on the market.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02- There are a lot. - I've got a little list in my pocket.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04This is just one brand.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- I mean, I'm happy with there being lots of brands.- Mmm.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10But this is just one brand. They offer lots of different things.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Whitening, cavity protection, advanced, advanced whitening,
0:20:14 > 0:20:19advanced freshening, sensitive, fresh breath, antibacterial,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22we have another whitening, which is for sensitive teeth.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Then they have gum health. And I just think,
0:20:25 > 0:20:27"But I want all of those things."
0:20:27 > 0:20:31So why isn't there just one toothpaste that does everything?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34We should say before, you did do a campaign,
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- did you not? For... - I did. I'd forgotten! Yeah.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Well, I thought, I don't want anyone thinking
0:20:40 > 0:20:42"She's just advertising her toothpaste."
0:20:42 > 0:20:45We'll be upfront about it. You did the Keep Britain Smiling...
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- I did, yeah.- ..campaign. - It was a lovely campaign actually.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- It was for Barnardo's, which is a wonderful charity.- Yes.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- And, yeah, it was earlier this year. - And who was the company?
0:20:54 > 0:20:55- It was Colgate.- Colgate, yes.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Which I always think sounds like a scandal about pit closures.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Well, actually, they're the biggest culprits in this crime.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Yes, they are, because they have Colgate Total Advanced -
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- which sounds like it's got everything...- Mm-hm.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13- Colgate Total Advanced Whitening...- Mm-hm.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- ..Colgate Total Advanced Freshening...- Mm-hm.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18..and Colgate Total Advanced Clean.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Oh, clean! Yes, I'd like that for my teeth.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Maybe I'll choose that one. I met Bon Jovi.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30You know, Jon Bon Jovi. His teeth, they don't look like teeth any more.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32They go too perfect, don't they?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35They were too... They didn't even have any of the little...
0:21:35 > 0:21:36They just looked like...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Isn't that what children put on sore gums, Bon Jovi?
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Yes, and it worked!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44It worked absolutely, I must say.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47My girlfriend is the only... You know when people joke about
0:21:47 > 0:21:51leaving the top off the toothpaste as the ultimate sort of laziness?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54She does that, and she'll do it with those ones,
0:21:54 > 0:21:56not the screw off ones, but the ones that just flip!
0:21:56 > 0:21:59So all you have to do is that to put it back on!
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- You sure she's a girl?- Definitely! - Cos that's very bloke-ish behaviour!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I haven't looked for a while, but I'm fairly confident!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07LAUGHTER
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Do you ever use floss? - Oh, I hate flossing.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I'd quite happily put floss into Room 101,
0:22:14 > 0:22:16but as you get older, you tend to need to more, don't you?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18- Yeah, I find... - So I've been told.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21LAUGHTER I find my teeth will hold,
0:22:21 > 0:22:24well, a good two-thirds of a meal for two hours.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I've got a good little trick, though.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30When you're out, especially if you're on a date,
0:22:30 > 0:22:34and it's someone you don't know very well and you're trying to impress,
0:22:34 > 0:22:37but you're cracking on a bit, and, erm, the teeth are
0:22:37 > 0:22:39storing food for later, just use your knife
0:22:39 > 0:22:42when they're not looking, to check.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Oh, to see. Not...
0:22:43 > 0:22:45LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:47To check.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Do a little, yeah, spinach check. As long as you've got a shiny knife
0:22:51 > 0:22:54and you've not been taken to McDonald's.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- Oh, yes, if it's plastic, a white plastic fork...- Yeah!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59That's the one time we went out, do you remember?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Aw, dear!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Yeah, you need to remember it's a plastic fork,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08otherwise you're going, "My teeth look amazing!"
0:23:08 > 0:23:12My brother used to use a thing called Gordon Moores toothpaste.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- Do you remember that, Gyles? - No! Gordon Moores?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17It was red toothpaste.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20You can't get it any more, but there is a French version,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22so it comes out like this.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28In fact, I find that I use white toothpaste,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30but when I spit it out, it's this colour.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Do you know...?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35This is the one I tend to use. This is Aquafresh.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Look at that, that's multi...
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- multicoloured. - Yeah, I love that.- Yeah.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Now, there could be a branding opportunity in this, I think,
0:23:44 > 0:23:48because if you're going to take this as your colour scheme,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51wouldn't this be a really good logo?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Look at that. It's perfect.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56LAUGHTER
0:23:56 > 0:23:58APPLAUSE
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Yes, and that would ensure your teeth were REALLY white.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17Anyway, we've come to the end of the modern life round,
0:24:17 > 0:24:19and I must say I like the password thing.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23I think if there were more passwords, it would be a better world,
0:24:23 > 0:24:26just to keep people out of everything, and it's inventive, and
0:24:26 > 0:24:29it's good for the mind as you get older to have things to remember.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32The toothpaste thing, I think it's just good to have variety.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- It's just a con! It's a marketing con.- Yeah, but I don't mind that.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38LAUGHTER
0:24:38 > 0:24:40- Can I just do that now?- Oh, my God!
0:24:42 > 0:24:47And some of the renaming of stadiums is so tasteless and so awful
0:24:47 > 0:24:52that I am going to put naming rights on stadiums into Room 101.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54CHEERING
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Next category, please.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13OK, it's the audience choice,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17and we have Alex Hatenstone in the audience.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Alex?- Hi!- Hello, hello.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22What would you like to put into Room 101?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Erm, I want to put into Room 101 people who tell you to cheer up.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Oh, yes... Oh! APPLAUSE
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Does that happen to you a lot?
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Yeah, it happens a lot,
0:25:37 > 0:25:41often when I'm just walking down the street, just sort of...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I'm not even unhappy or anything,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I think I've just got a mouth
0:25:45 > 0:25:47that naturally points down if I'm not smiling.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49How do you respond?
0:25:49 > 0:25:51I just sort of give them evils, or, like,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53give them sort of a weird look.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Um, because normally I don't feel like I need to cheer up
0:25:56 > 0:25:58until they've actually told me I need to, and then I think
0:25:58 > 0:26:00"Oh, no, I'm really paranoid."
0:26:00 > 0:26:03There's actually quite a lot of miserable things in the world,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and then you start sort of reflecting on it,
0:26:05 > 0:26:08and then you think, "Well, maybe I do need to cheer up now."
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Maybe you should come back with, "Do something to cheer me up."
0:26:11 > 0:26:13- Exactly, that is... - No, don't do that.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15LAUGHTER
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Have you considered a smog mask?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- A what?- You know people wear smog masks,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- and then no-one will...- Oh, that's a really good idea actually.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24No, but I might in future.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Better - wear a smog mask like this one.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32LAUGHTER
0:26:32 > 0:26:33- MEL C:- Creepy!
0:26:33 > 0:26:36APPLAUSE
0:26:39 > 0:26:42I think it's a terrible error to say that to someone.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46It could go horribly wrong. So, you know what?
0:26:46 > 0:26:51Alex, I am going to put people who tell you to cheer up into Room 101.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55APPLAUSE
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Right, let's have our next category.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11OK, it's the wild card, which means there are no limitations.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15ANYTHING you don't like, you can choose.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18So what is Adam's wild card?
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- Oh, my...- Abs.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29There's just so much pressure on...
0:27:29 > 0:27:32There's fit and there's... I just can't do that.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36When was it important for people to have really finely honed abs?
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Like, all the sex symbols from the '70s, they didn't have abs.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Paul Newman and Robert Redford, they didn't have abs.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46As opposed to Bruce Springsteen, who was photographed on holiday,
0:27:46 > 0:27:48at the age of, 62 with abs that no man should have.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- Wow, he looks amazing! - No, he doesn't, that's not right!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54LAUGHTER
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I was on a beach in Jamaica not long ago,
0:27:58 > 0:28:02and this little wizened old lady, nut-brown,
0:28:02 > 0:28:05came teetering along the beach towards me,
0:28:05 > 0:28:07and it wasn't till she got just here,
0:28:07 > 0:28:09that I realised it was Mick Jagger.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Isn't it good that people look all ripped and...?
0:28:16 > 0:28:19I'm happy to look good, but there's something about
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Bruce Springsteen, I think, tipped it for me,
0:28:21 > 0:28:23because he was the champion of the working class.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26He was always the, you know, "Everything's gone wrong
0:28:26 > 0:28:29"and life's tough", and he's just one of the guys at the mill,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31and now - you don't get abs like that
0:28:31 > 0:28:33unless you've got someone helping you.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- You don't get abs like that from just...- Excuse me.- What?
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- He has done it all himself. He looks magnificent.- No!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Unlike you, you disgusting...
0:28:41 > 0:28:44LAUGHTER
0:28:44 > 0:28:45- Oh, my God.- ..revolting!
0:28:45 > 0:28:47When did you pose for this?
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Was this you again, Frank?
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Yes, I overdid it on the sun bed.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58Do you know Darryn Lyons? Are you familiar with Darryn Lyons?
0:28:58 > 0:29:02- Yes, yes.- He was on Celebrity Big Brother, and he had...
0:29:02 > 0:29:06- Oh, yes, yes, yes!- He had work done to give himself a six-pack.- Yeah.
0:29:06 > 0:29:07He didn't bother to lose weight,
0:29:07 > 0:29:11he just had the six-pack sort of put on the top. This is Darryn.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- AUDIENCE GROAN - Oh, no.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16- Is that true, then? Are they implants?- I believe...- Is that fact?
0:29:16 > 0:29:19I believe that they're a sort of liposuction method,
0:29:19 > 0:29:20although you can get the same look
0:29:20 > 0:29:23just by lying face-downwards on one of these.
0:29:27 > 0:29:29I never really thought about the abs thing.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32I think people just look after themselves,
0:29:32 > 0:29:35and then I saw the picture of Craig David. Did you see this picture?
0:29:35 > 0:29:37- He took a selfie of himself. - Oh, dear.
0:29:37 > 0:29:39AUDIENCE: Ohh...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41- No.- Now, that... - That's not a selfie, Frank.
0:29:41 > 0:29:43A selfie, you have to have an arm in shot
0:29:43 > 0:29:46cos you're taking it yourself. What's he taking it with?
0:29:46 > 0:29:47Well, that's a good question.
0:29:47 > 0:29:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:51 > 0:29:54Well, I tell you what, when I first saw it, I stared at it a bit,
0:29:54 > 0:29:57because I was taken aback, and then...
0:29:57 > 0:30:02You see, what worries me is he's not as symmetrical as I thought he'd be.
0:30:02 > 0:30:03The top bit...
0:30:03 > 0:30:07Is it just me, or does that look like a duck eating a burger?
0:30:11 > 0:30:14I'll see if I can help you with this.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17MEL LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:30:17 > 0:30:19If you put me in the screen with Craig now.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24APPLAUSE
0:30:27 > 0:30:29OK, what is Melanie's wild card?
0:30:34 > 0:30:35£2 coins.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Oh...
0:30:37 > 0:30:39The main reason being,
0:30:39 > 0:30:42I believe that these were introduced in 1998,
0:30:42 > 0:30:46and I spent most of that year on tour with the Spice Girls
0:30:46 > 0:30:48and out of the country.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51And when I came home they just appeared,
0:30:51 > 0:30:53I didn't know anything about them.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Basically it was all done behind my back and I'm not happy about it.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58The other thing that bothers me
0:30:58 > 0:31:02is that it's the only coin we've got which is two colours of metal.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04It just doesn't make sense to me.
0:31:04 > 0:31:08The two-tone thing, I think they've nicked that idea from Arctic roll.
0:31:11 > 0:31:16I reckon if I went into a chip shop at, say,
0:31:16 > 0:31:18one o'clock in the morning,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20I could pass that off as a £2 coin.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23LAUGHTER
0:31:23 > 0:31:29Did you know that Oasis got the name of one of their albums
0:31:29 > 0:31:33- from the writing on a £2 coin? - No, I didn't.- Yeah, if you look...
0:31:33 > 0:31:36I'm not making this up, this is... If you can see this.
0:31:36 > 0:31:43It says, look, Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45And this one, you might have all seen.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47- They've all got different phrases on the side?- Yes.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49And all inspire Oasis.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51Look, there's Live At Knebworth.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55LAUGHTER
0:31:55 > 0:31:56I made that one up.
0:31:56 > 0:32:01But I've taken against the £2 coin, it doesn't feel like a proper coin,
0:32:01 > 0:32:05for some reason it's not like the others.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08But I think this is one of the worst pieces of currency
0:32:08 > 0:32:10I think I've ever seen.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16This is the Melanie C one dollar note.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19- What is that?!- Have you not seen one of these before?
0:32:19 > 0:32:24- No, what is it?- Well, it's available on the internet.- Is it?- It is.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26I don't know who you think you are(!)
0:32:26 > 0:32:29LAUGHTER
0:32:29 > 0:32:32APPLAUSE
0:32:34 > 0:32:37OK, let's have a look at Gyles's wild card.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Acceptance speeches at awards ceremonies.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49APPLAUSE
0:32:52 > 0:32:54I just can't stand it. I can't stand it.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56These narcissistic individuals getting up...
0:32:56 > 0:33:00Don't they realise everybody in the room is resenting them, hating them,
0:33:00 > 0:33:03loathing them, because everybody else wanted to win and they've won?
0:33:03 > 0:33:06And they go up, and they then, instead of taking it modestly,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09saying thank you and slipping back to their seat, they blather on,
0:33:09 > 0:33:13weeping, thanking their late relatives, mentioning their agent,
0:33:13 > 0:33:17their mother, their grandmother - you, if they know you vaguely.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19It's just not on.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22- I mean, is this supposed to be you?- They're all me.
0:33:22 > 0:33:23They're all you, exactly.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25As I said, narcissistic individuals...
0:33:25 > 0:33:28LAUGHTER
0:33:28 > 0:33:30I just can't bear it.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32It just gets in the way of everything.
0:33:32 > 0:33:36Can I ask though, Gyles, if you won an award and you went up to get it,
0:33:36 > 0:33:39are you telling me that YOU wouldn't make a speech?
0:33:39 > 0:33:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:46 > 0:33:48So what's the alternative? What do you think people should do
0:33:48 > 0:33:50when they win an award?
0:33:50 > 0:33:54I... Not grand ceremonies, but I often host award ceremonies
0:33:54 > 0:33:58and the last one I did was for the British Funeral Directors Awards.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Quite a big gig in my calendar.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07The main prize was for thinking outside the box.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10LAUGHTER
0:34:10 > 0:34:14And basically I say to people, you know, take the prize,
0:34:14 > 0:34:16just stand there for a moment, look happy, but modest.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19Hold it. Maybe say thank you, and then go back.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25There is rather a fabulous Oscar awards acceptance speech.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29This is Sally Field receiving a second Oscar.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31I owe a lot to my family
0:34:31 > 0:34:33for holding me together and loving me
0:34:33 > 0:34:37and having patience with this obsession of me.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39But I want to say thank you to you.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42I haven't had an orthodox career
0:34:42 > 0:34:46and I wanted more than anything to have your respect.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it
0:34:49 > 0:34:53and I can't deny the fact that you like me -
0:34:53 > 0:34:55right now, you like me!
0:35:00 > 0:35:02But they do seem to like her...
0:35:02 > 0:35:04We loathe her! We loathe her!
0:35:08 > 0:35:10I like Sally Field. She's lovely.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Of course you do, but not making that speech,
0:35:12 > 0:35:14not that nauseating speech.
0:35:14 > 0:35:16But she was being very honest, wasn't she?
0:35:16 > 0:35:18She was taken up with emotion and it was...
0:35:18 > 0:35:21You know, it was a bit cringey, but she really felt it.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24When you win awards you're not like that, you're natural,
0:35:24 > 0:35:26you're fresh, you don't shine.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28I don't win awards!
0:35:28 > 0:35:30I tell you what I liked about it,
0:35:30 > 0:35:33is that she sort of gave them a bad review
0:35:33 > 0:35:36for their response last time.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39Yeah, cos she said last time I wasn't sure that you liked me,
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- but this time, well done, you've got there.- Completely wrong.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45They may have respected her performance in the film,
0:35:45 > 0:35:48they don't like her. Couldn't like a woman like that.
0:35:48 > 0:35:50You couldn't.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53On the subject of speeches, this a speech...
0:35:53 > 0:35:56This is welcoming the freshmen to Georgia Tech.
0:35:56 > 0:36:01This kind of speech I would watch every day of the week.
0:36:01 > 0:36:05In the words of Sir Isaac Newton, "If I have seen further,
0:36:05 > 0:36:08"it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Georgia Tech is proud of its many traditions
0:36:10 > 0:36:12but the one I find most exciting is...
0:36:12 > 0:36:15MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Strauss
0:36:15 > 0:36:17..our tradition of excellence.
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Our mission as students
0:36:18 > 0:36:21is not to follow in the footsteps of the astronauts,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Nobel Prize laureates and presidents who graduate before us,
0:36:24 > 0:36:26but to exceed their footsteps,
0:36:26 > 0:36:29crush the shoulders of the giants upon whom we stand.
0:36:29 > 0:36:35We here are all such innovative people, so I am telling you...
0:36:35 > 0:36:37if you want to change the world,
0:36:37 > 0:36:40you're at Georgia Tech - you can do that!
0:36:40 > 0:36:43If you want to build the Iron Man suit -
0:36:43 > 0:36:46you're at Georgia Tech, you can do that!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49IF YOU WANT TO PLAY THEME MUSIC
0:36:49 > 0:36:52DURING YOUR CONVOCATION SPEECH LIKE A BADASS -
0:36:52 > 0:36:56WE'RE AT GEORGIA TECH, WE CAN DO THAT!
0:36:56 > 0:36:58I AM DOING THAT!!
0:37:01 > 0:37:04APPLAUSE
0:37:07 > 0:37:09That is brilliant, isn't it?
0:37:09 > 0:37:10I want to adopt him.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15OK, well, look, I'm not going to put abs into Room 101,
0:37:15 > 0:37:18because I'd like some...
0:37:18 > 0:37:21- Are you sure?- And I have some, but they're underground at the moment
0:37:21 > 0:37:24and I'd like to bring them forth.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27And I'm sorry, Melanie, I mean, I don't like the £2 coin either,
0:37:27 > 0:37:31but I don't believe I can put it into Room 101.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33AUDIENCE: Aw.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37But I've done a couple of speeches and I think you're right,
0:37:37 > 0:37:40they would be better if people got up,
0:37:40 > 0:37:41grabbed the award and disappeared.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43I'm sorry, guys,
0:37:43 > 0:37:47but I am going to put award acceptance speeches into Room 101.
0:37:47 > 0:37:51APPLAUSE
0:37:58 > 0:38:02And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05Well done, Gyles, you were the most persuasive guest tonight...
0:38:05 > 0:38:08I'd like to say something, but I can't.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10LAUGHTER
0:38:10 > 0:38:13Well, you are this week's winner, nevertheless.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16APPLAUSE
0:38:18 > 0:38:22Thanks very much, Adam Hills, Gyles Brandreth and Melanie C.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25And thank you, good night!
0:38:25 > 0:38:29APPLAUSE AND CHEERING