0:00:29 > 0:00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101, the show where
0:00:38 > 0:00:42three guests battle to consign their pet peeves to the infamous vault.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories
0:00:45 > 0:00:47and in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Joining me tonight are comedian Sue Perkins, Strictly judge
0:00:53 > 0:00:58Bruno Tonioli and presenter Steve Jones. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:07OK, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15It's shopping. OK.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17What does Bruno hate about shopping?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Argh!
0:01:23 > 0:01:28Flat-pack furniture. Hell! Hell! Dangerous.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Very, very dangerous.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35I think, it's actually easier to assemble a space shuttle.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Have you ever tried to put together, from a flat-pack furniture box,
0:01:39 > 0:01:40a chest of drawers?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42ALL: Yes. Yeah.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46Well, you're a genius, because I nearly killed myself, I really did.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Cos, you know, the first thing... it comes...
0:01:49 > 0:01:52there's all these kind of bits and pieces. I have no idea...
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I'm very artistic, you see, you have to understand, so...
0:01:54 > 0:01:58and you have to put them down in a very, very precise pattern, right?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Then you've got this piece of paper, says, "Take A",
0:02:01 > 0:02:06which usually I put there, "and stick it to B", which is there.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Are you playing Twister? And then the key...
0:02:10 > 0:02:13You've accidentally bought Twister. Can I ask you a question?
0:02:13 > 0:02:20How many times have you done this process? Once. Never again.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Terrible. I don't think anybody would disagree.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26There's a hellish ordeal to try and assemble one of these things,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29but, what I would say, the sense of achievement you get
0:02:29 > 0:02:32when you do actually assemble it and it's there in front of you,
0:02:32 > 0:02:36you feel like a real man, you know. Normally I'm like...
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I'm not going for that one.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Bruno, you must often feel like a real man.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Every day. If we can get one, we will.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48We have a couple of examples of flat-packs that didn't work out.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51These are genuine, not done for comedy, but genuine.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52This is a chair.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I can see where they went wrong. Yeah, exactly.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02And for those of you who still collect vinyl,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04this is record shelving.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Yeah, but they're not... That's a classic.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I know, if that was my house, me
0:03:11 > 0:03:15and my girlfriend would live with that for about three years. Yeah.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18Here's one of my favourite bits of interior decoration.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21This is a coat hanger that looks like a drunken octopus who
0:03:21 > 0:03:22wants a fight.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Yeah, that's good.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31OK. What doesn't Steve like about shopping?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Enforced present-buying.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42As you can see from my face there, I'm pretty miffed about it already,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46carrying all these presents. In this country, a few times a year,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49we, the British people, are pretty much held to ransom
0:03:49 > 0:03:52by these huge corporate mega...
0:03:52 > 0:03:56mega-businesses that will prey on our insecurities and fears
0:03:56 > 0:03:58in order to get us to buy their products.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02You know, it's a case of, "come buy this tat that you don't need
0:04:02 > 0:04:05"or your loved ones don't need in order to show them you love them.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"If you don't, you're a terrible person.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10"You will burn in the lake of fire for all eternity."
0:04:10 > 0:04:11"Ebenezer." Yeah.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I haven't actually seen that specific advert.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18It's more in my dreams, but it doesn't just stop there.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21It's kind of like... you know, here's a credit card,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24to buy this junk you don't need with money you don't have.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28It's just sickening, and it's materialism... rabid materialism,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30and it has to stop. I do not subscribe to it.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33You're not just thinking of Christmas. You're thinking of any...
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I'm talking Valentine's Day, birthday presents, Christmas,
0:04:36 > 0:04:37any other occasion you care to mention.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh. Curmudgeon. Curmudgeon.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Boo.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Let's talk about this. Let's take Valentine's Day.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46OK. All right. OK?
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Now, which one would you prefer, sir, madam, which do you prefer?
0:04:50 > 0:04:51I'd like to take you out
0:04:51 > 0:04:54for a romantic candlelit meal this evening,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57because it's Valentine's Day and everybody else is doing it.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Or, would you prefer this?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I'd like to take you out for a candlelit meal
0:05:02 > 0:05:05because it's July and I love you.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07One has sentiment. The other doesn't.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Yes, I agree. That's my point.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I get a dozen red roses every Valentine...
0:05:12 > 0:05:16I buy a dozen red roses, and they're quite expensive.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20In fact I had a conversation, I actually had a genuine conversation
0:05:20 > 0:05:25with two guys and one of them said, he said, "I've often wondered
0:05:25 > 0:05:29"if you could get away with ten, because no-one ever counts them".
0:05:31 > 0:05:33That is not romantic!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Your girlfriend is watching this. But this other guy said,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39"Maybe," he said, "I must say, I'd be worried about nine."
0:05:39 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Well, I grew up in Birmingham,
0:05:43 > 0:05:46and at The Bullring Centre in Birmingham,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49we were all pressured to buy everything from there.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56# At the Bullring Shopping Centre... #
0:06:00 > 0:06:02# At the Bullring Shopping Centre... #
0:06:07 > 0:06:09# At the Bullring Shopping Centre... #
0:06:14 > 0:06:16# At the Bullring Shopping Centre. #
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And we did! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:23 > 0:06:27I should say, a friend of mine, Emily, said,
0:06:27 > 0:06:30"I love that advert, but the fact that it's set in Birmingham
0:06:30 > 0:06:32"makes it very hard to put a date on it."
0:06:32 > 0:06:35LAUGHTER
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I was disturbed by the fact she seemed to have scalped Limahl
0:06:38 > 0:06:40and was wearing his hair as a pelt.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Like a trophy kill.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44The baby looks about 51!
0:06:45 > 0:06:48There's a pressure of all sorts, though.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51Have you ever seen these houses that put up loads and loads
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and loads of Christmas lights... Yeah. Yeah. ..in their street?
0:06:54 > 0:06:58And then the neighbours think, "Oh, our house looks a bit drab".
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I saw a fabulous example of this.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04This is a genuine house where someone did their Christmas
0:07:04 > 0:07:07lights this elaborately. Look at that.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11And the neighbours, instead of trying to compete directly,
0:07:11 > 0:07:12they did this.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Here we have an example of
0:07:22 > 0:07:25when you buy the wrong present for the person.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Books? Yeah.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Books for Christmas?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41What the heck is that?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:48I don't get books! That's not toys, that's books.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Sweet. Very, very sweet. That's fair enough. Yeah.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I'm disappointed in you, Steve.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59My notes on you say you're a very well-known present-er.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01HE LAUGHS
0:08:06 > 0:08:09What does Sue hate about shopping?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I hate catalogues. Oh.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Because basically they are
0:08:19 > 0:08:22environmentally very unfriendly... so they're like a dossier wrapped
0:08:22 > 0:08:26in a condom that gets delivered to you, and there's basically 40 pages
0:08:26 > 0:08:30of one nymphet in clogs, and you get to one and you think, oh, she looks
0:08:30 > 0:08:34nice, and she's in a field, and she's wearing like a hessian smock,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37and there's a sort of autumnal light catching her shoulders,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40and she's clutching a lamb, and you think, "That looks great".
0:08:40 > 0:08:44So you buy it, by filling out the convenient 407-digit code
0:08:44 > 0:08:45and sending it off.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49And then when you put it on in a semi in Croydon, it really doesn't
0:08:49 > 0:08:54look the same. In A, someone cutting a sort of poncho off you.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I've actually done a bit of modelling for catalogues.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Have you? On my life.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I once, yeah, was in a field somewhere in Oxford...
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Always in a field. ..in a wax jacket, with my arm
0:09:03 > 0:09:08around a spaniel, going... That's it. That's it.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11You're exactly responsible for that, because the things only fit
0:09:11 > 0:09:15when you're crouching and you've got your arm round a stinking dog.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Do you ever look at the adverts in the newspapers?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22This is rather fine. The comfort trouser.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25"With elasticated waistband".
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Let me tell you what the blurb is. This is slightly tragic.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31"Ideal after meals..."
0:09:31 > 0:09:32LAUGHTER
0:09:32 > 0:09:35"..to ease that filled-up feeling..."
0:09:35 > 0:09:37And this is where it gets really bad.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41"..or accommodate longer-term changes in body shape."
0:09:41 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER It's hideous.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45They are outstanding.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Can I have the number of those? Post-Bake Off!
0:09:48 > 0:09:52My own favourite, "the country's biggest trouser sale."
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I didn't even know you could use it in the singular.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56And this is what it says.
0:09:56 > 0:10:01"Head buyer grabs crisis-hit Euro shipment.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02"That's right!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05"Thanks to the swift action of our shrewd head buyer,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09"we have acquired a shipment of premium-comfort trousers
0:10:09 > 0:10:11"from a European retail chain that's just gone bust."
0:10:11 > 0:10:13LAUGHTER
0:10:13 > 0:10:16"Unique features..." Unique, remember.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18"..include two side pockets..."
0:10:18 > 0:10:21LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:25"..a button/tab back pocket,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29"snag-proof nylon zip..."
0:10:29 > 0:10:31LAUGHTER
0:10:31 > 0:10:34"..and double-stitched belt loops."
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Ohhh!
0:10:35 > 0:10:40I think that means that the top... You'd make a fantastic model!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42I find that women don't spend...
0:10:42 > 0:10:46when they're in shops, they might as well shop in catalogues,
0:10:46 > 0:10:51because they don't spend very long really studying the clothes.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Let me demonstrate. This is how the average woman, I find,
0:10:54 > 0:10:58when I've been clothes shopping, this is how they judge the clothes.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Oh, God! How many times have you seen women do this?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12OK.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Well, look, you've all argued your cases extremely well, I must say.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I think, with the flat-pack, Bruno, I don't know
0:11:19 > 0:11:20if the flat-pack is at fault.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I think it's us. We don't try hard enough.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27I also think catalogues are based on that idea that the dream is
0:11:27 > 0:11:30better than the reality, and I kind of like that.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31I think you can fantasise about,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34"Yes, I'd look great in a field with a spaniel".
0:11:34 > 0:11:37But, I do think there is too much pressure on us to buy things,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40for Mother's Day, Father's Day, and all that stuff,
0:11:40 > 0:11:42and really it should come from the heart, not the wallet.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46So I am going to put enforced present-buying into Room 101.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Yes!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Next category, please.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Ah, it's the audience choice.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09So we go into our crowd to find... I think we have Clive Green.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Where are you, Clive? There you are.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14What would you like to put into Room 101, Clive?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17I'd like to put in parent and toddler parking spaces.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21GROANING AND A RIPPLE OF APPLAUSE
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Why? I don't see any reason why they should park any closer
0:12:29 > 0:12:31because they've got a pushchair,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33and the idea of a pushchair is that they can be pushed.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36I think the toddler
0:12:36 > 0:12:39and parent spaces could be used for elderly people.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42I think sitting in an audience full of parents who probably have
0:12:42 > 0:12:45toddlers, saying that, you must have balls the size of China.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48So, I'm not disagreeing with him.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Elderly people fought in the war and defended this country,
0:12:52 > 0:12:54and they gave the right for the toddlers
0:12:54 > 0:12:56and parents to park there in the first place.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Hold on a minute. Hold on.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01The toddlers haven't had a chance to fight in the war.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Can I ask you, if you're
0:13:04 > 0:13:09so dismissive about the parent-child spaces, would you park in one?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10I have parked in one, yeah.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12BOOING
0:13:12 > 0:13:17Now, you see, I'm going to put YOU in Room 101.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I love this guy. He's really growing on me.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27You're really growing on me.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You're exactly what light entertainment has been waiting for.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33One of my great joys, it was a sunny day,
0:13:33 > 0:13:36and I had hung what I believe they call a posset cloth
0:13:36 > 0:13:40on the back window, so the baby wasn't in the sunshine.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43So when I parked, this guy came up and said, "Yeah, you can't park
0:13:43 > 0:13:44here if you don't have a child",
0:13:44 > 0:13:47and the joy of that reveal, when I went...
0:13:51 > 0:13:55Another thing is "baby on board" signs on the back of cars.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58How am I supposed to alter my driving while seeing that?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What difference do they make? Well, drive more carefully.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Yeah, but I drive carefully anyway, so...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05No, but drive MORE carefully, because the driver has had
0:14:05 > 0:14:09two hours' sleep and he's woozy from the smell of excrement in the car.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14And also drive carefully because, legally,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17all they're saying, all they're guaranteeing is in that car
0:14:17 > 0:14:19is a baby. There might not be an adult.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Clive, I mean you're passionate, and... I am, yeah.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29I love you for that, but I hate you for so many other things,
0:14:29 > 0:14:34and I just think it's wrong. I think it's a difficult...
0:14:34 > 0:14:38you get parents on their own, and they've got a couple of kids,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41and they've got shopping, and... it's nightmarish.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Yeah, but they've got all day to do it as well, haven't they?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46AUDIENCE GROANS
0:14:48 > 0:14:50This is now the Jeremy Kyle Show.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54He's getting worse and worse.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Anyway, look, Clive, I admire your passion... Thank you.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00..but you will change your mind, trust me.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03And I am not, under any circumstances,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06going to put parent-child parking spaces
0:15:06 > 0:15:10into Room 101, but what about a big hand for Clive anyway?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13APPLAUSE
0:15:18 > 0:15:20OK, next category, please.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28It's the wild card round. Now there are no limitations of category.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31You can pick anything that you don't like.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33What is Steve's wildcard?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Gym etiquette.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Gym etiquette. Or lack thereof.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I'm guessing you go to the gym quite...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49You know, you've got to look after yourself.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Well, you don't have to. Well...
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Can I just say, before you do this, I have a picture of you,
0:15:55 > 0:15:59which I think suggests that you do go to the gym, and it works.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I really don't want to see this, do I? No, you look great.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Ooh!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Look at that. A little bit of advice. Comb your stomach.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14But you do... you do look great. Centre parting!
0:16:14 > 0:16:17So it works. So you're getting results.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20That's one plus. Well, as I said, you've got to look after yourself,
0:16:20 > 0:16:23but it's all the other things that go with the gym which
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I struggle with, like personal trainers, for instance.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28The thing about the personal trainer which I find outrageous...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I don't know if you'll agree with this... is when they slip
0:16:31 > 0:16:35on their physiotherapist hat, and then you see them on the mat,
0:16:35 > 0:16:40with a young lady... they've found a loophole... giving it all this
0:16:40 > 0:16:43"I'm just doing your glutes here, if you could flip your legs
0:16:43 > 0:16:44"over my shoulder."
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I swear to God! If you saw that on Clapham Common,
0:16:48 > 0:16:53you'd call the police. Well... It's outrageous! Eventually.
0:16:53 > 0:16:58What was that? He's doing the glutes.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Steve blanketing her in his stomach hair.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Another area I'd like to cover, the changing room.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Oh... Oh. Yeah.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11I mean, obviously, I can't speak for the ladies, unfortunately.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12That would be awesome.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16LAUGHTER Oh, God!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19But the gents' changing room, from the moment you walk into this room,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22it's like a giant, soaking wet, shaggy dog
0:17:22 > 0:17:24has just shook himself dry. There's water everywhere.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Everything stinks, it's like... Eurgh! It's a gross area.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31What gym do you go to, Stephen? Very important.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33This is universal! I am very worried!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I'm just saying, that's annoying, but it's nowhere near as annoying
0:17:36 > 0:17:41as the nudity. Yes. I want to ban nudity at the gym.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43I don't want to see it...
0:17:43 > 0:17:46and, you know, anybody who isn't much like me,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48you know, ashamed of their body, makes me uncomfortable.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52If you're, like, swinging around the locker room
0:17:52 > 0:17:54like you're Michelangelo's David,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56it makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Can I say,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I'm so worried about... I wear one of these.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER Yeah!
0:18:00 > 0:18:05That is extraordinary. That's sort of gym meets vet.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Can I get one of those, Frank?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I want to shave your bottom.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Then the temptation to stare is removed, you see.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16I don't like the guy who's on the weights giving it this noise.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19HE MOANS LOUDLY
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I do that all the time! That was me, Steve!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25No. I'm at the gym, not a Parisian sex club.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I don't care. I've got to do the work.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29You've got to push those weights.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31THEY GROAN
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Shut up!
0:18:33 > 0:18:37This is basically masculinity in crisis, right there.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I'm quite noisy at the gym because I take my own cox
0:18:40 > 0:18:42for the rowing machine.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48And, yeah, he's a small man, but a big voice.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53I avoided the gym until I was about 30,
0:18:53 > 0:18:55and I went to a gym for the first time,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and it was the first time I'd been in that environment since school,
0:18:58 > 0:19:00you know, walking around naked and stuff.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04I think I was the only one who was still doing that towel-flicking.
0:19:06 > 0:19:12You look great, Steve. If I was like you, I would do my exercises naked.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16But I'm really, I don't like people, you know, it's awful.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Have you had the glance? The glance?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22The, "Ooh, look at him, that's nice".
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Oh, I've posed with a 50 pence coin for scale.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31That was you?! That was me.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's nice to put a face to the coin.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I think you might like this, Bruno, cos this is exercise
0:19:39 > 0:19:42but with poise and grace.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46I've got my ankle weights in place and my music's ready.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49So let's stop talking and do some walking.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52'80s SYNTH MUSIC
0:20:03 > 0:20:09I...I really, really wouldn't have worn those trousers. No. No.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Really...as woman to woman, I'd have said,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14"That's like a surface anatomy lesson, love."
0:20:14 > 0:20:16That's a method called prancercise.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19"Prancercise"? Prancercise.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23It's the sort of thing I'd normally associate with equestrian events,
0:20:23 > 0:20:27but the idea is, if you do that for, I don't know, say, 12 miles,
0:20:27 > 0:20:28it's really slimming.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31And she's out in the park, she's getting the fresh air.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34If you walk 12 miles, it's slimming, but I mean, that...
0:20:34 > 0:20:37No, I imagine it's good exercise, cos after a while doing that,
0:20:37 > 0:20:38people would chase you.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40With a baton!
0:20:42 > 0:20:45OK. What is Bruno's wildcard? Oh, God, what is it?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48No idea.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Oh, God! Tacky shop fronts.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Oh, it makes you puke every time you walk around it.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59I mean the thing is, you know, even if you don't shop,
0:20:59 > 0:21:03you walk around the high street, and... make an effort, make it
0:21:03 > 0:21:07look pretty, because everybody will kind of feed off it, you know.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11It will make the whole ambience so much better.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14If you see something nice and nicely displayed,
0:21:14 > 0:21:15I would just go in and browse.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18If I see a mess, I just... I'm just going to run.
0:21:18 > 0:21:23I'm just going to get out of it. You know, it will take so little.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Just say, "OK. Let's get together, let's make this pleasant."
0:21:26 > 0:21:30Just do some nice design. Forget all this kind of clashing,
0:21:30 > 0:21:33horrible colours, everything hanging around.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Give it a nice look, some lovely flowers, some nice design,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40something that makes it pleasant for everybody.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I think, generally speaking, Bruno,
0:21:43 > 0:21:48that tacky shop fronts are on tacky shops, and that seems fair, to me.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Yeah, but... I don't want to be misled.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I don't want a shop to look all stylish
0:21:53 > 0:21:55and go inside and it's Pound Saver.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58But, no, just make it look pretty. Well, why not?
0:21:58 > 0:22:02Because that's like breast implants. It's just not true.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05No, but you can just make... It's a false front.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07No, it's not. It's not.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11No, you don't have to buy silicone implants.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Anyway, let's look at a few examples of shop-based things.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16This, erm, I love this.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19This was... They actually had a sale at Poundland.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27You'll like this. This is a guitar shop.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30AUDIENCE MURMURS APPRECIATION Oh, that's good.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32That is clever. That's clever. Very good.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35That's just near Speakers Corner.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37AUDIENCE GROAN And what about this?
0:22:37 > 0:22:42If you want to buy white goods, this is the shop that you want to go to.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Hey!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Right, what is Sue's wildcard?
0:23:02 > 0:23:06I mean, what sport on this planet
0:23:06 > 0:23:09doesn't allow you to wear your own shoes?
0:23:15 > 0:23:20It's not like Andy Murray goes to the final of Wimbledon, they say,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22"Sorry, mate. You can't wear those trainers.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25"We've got some that Roger Federer wore three years ago
0:23:25 > 0:23:27"in a locker here that smell,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30"and there's a little bit of verruca powder in them."
0:23:30 > 0:23:33I've had countless arguments in a bowling alley, and...
0:23:33 > 0:23:38Bowling alleys... It's like a sort of Guantanamo-style atmosphere.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40There is blaring music.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45They only sell drinks that are neon in colour,
0:23:45 > 0:23:48packed with sugar, there's sort of own brand horse burgers,
0:23:48 > 0:23:52there's lots of screaming children, people violently breaking up
0:23:52 > 0:23:57after a day at IKEA, and you approach this sort of slightly
0:23:57 > 0:24:01disinterested woman in a ponytail, and you see the rack of...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05in fact, you smell the rack of shoes before you see the rack of shoes.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Clown's shoes. They do that spraying thing, though.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Oh, but it's very half-cocked.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12They'll do it when they're talking to you.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14There's a sort of mist around the clown's shoe.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19The one I want is the tongue up and a full... in.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22And then you get the clown's shoe.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25It's not even a trainer. I've never seen a shoe like that.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27No-one has ever seen a shoe...
0:24:27 > 0:24:30No, I quite like them. I like the centre parting.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32LAUGHTER
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Can you bring your own bowling shoes? Is that a thing?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37I don't know if you can. Not at Megabowl in Streatham,
0:24:37 > 0:24:39you couldn't, when I was a child.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44I find that they're more comfortable than new shoes that I buy.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48Well, they're broken in. Exactly. I think this should be...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50This could be a new community service thing,
0:24:50 > 0:24:53breaking in shoes for the elderly.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55But it's also... Exactly.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59As that shows, it's the fact that I'm really bad at all sports,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01you know, I'm absolutely...
0:25:01 > 0:25:06I'm weak, I've got terrible vision and I'm distracted by food.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09That's the holy trinity of a bad bowler.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Just chuck it in the gulley, and there's that long, slow...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Don't you like the general... all the stuff...what about these?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19SOME GROANS
0:25:19 > 0:25:22They...I mean, that is a stylish bag.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25And I also find, if I go to a children's party,
0:25:25 > 0:25:28I feel a bit self-conscious about bringing a balloon back on a string,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32so I put it in here. LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:33I think it's classy.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Have you ever tried cat laser bowling?
0:25:36 > 0:25:37What is it?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Cat laser...you need... basically you need...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41A laser and a cat?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44You know those laser key-ring things? Yeah, yeah.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47You need one of those and a cat. I'll show you how it's done.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01APPLAUSE
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Poor cat. That's horrible.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Oh, come on. Bruno is going, "That's horrible".
0:26:11 > 0:26:14The poor kitten!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Don't do that with your cat at home.
0:26:16 > 0:26:22OK, well, look, I really feel although you argue with passion,
0:26:22 > 0:26:26I love bowling so much, I'd really feel it would be wrong to
0:26:26 > 0:26:29put it in, because I know lots of other people like it as well.
0:26:29 > 0:26:36And the gym, I just think the gym generally is a hostile
0:26:36 > 0:26:40and difficult place, and I probably am very rude in there
0:26:40 > 0:26:43and do all the wrong things, because it's hard to relax there
0:26:43 > 0:26:44and be the nice person you want to be.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49But I take your point, Bruno, that although it is a bit deceptive,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52you know, we all make an effort to look better on the outside than we
0:26:52 > 0:26:57do on the inside, so I am going to put tacky shop fronts into Room 101.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Oh. APPLAUSE
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Make your high street look beautiful!
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Right, then, let's have our next category.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Ah, it's entertainment.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22So, what doesn't Bruno like about entertainment?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Cinema etiquette.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33It is, you know... guys, you go to the cinema, right?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35You're really looking forward to seeing that movie.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38You've waited weeks to go and see this particular film you
0:27:38 > 0:27:43always wanted to see, and there's one guy next to you with a 12-course
0:27:43 > 0:27:49meal on his lap, I mean literally a 12-course meal, popcorn this
0:27:49 > 0:27:53size, spilling on you, crunching and munching all the way through, the
0:27:53 > 0:27:56stench of the hot dogs and all the rubbish that he's got on his tray.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59How can you have all that stuff in front of you when you go
0:27:59 > 0:28:02and see a movie? I find cinemas nice. Nice and quiet.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05You can make a phone call, get on with some work. Yeah, but...
0:28:05 > 0:28:06I mean, it's so irritating.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Do you not have something to nibble on while you watch?
0:28:09 > 0:28:13Yeah, but you have a little bit of popcorn. Not like the whole nachos,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16burgers, hot dogs...
0:28:16 > 0:28:19But popcorns are this big, so it lasts for three hours.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21It's three hours of crunching. Oh, I love it.
0:28:21 > 0:28:26The idea is that you pace the popcorn so it lasts the whole movie.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29But it's...no! I'll tell you what I do end up with.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33You know when you get to the last 10 minutes of the movie,
0:28:33 > 0:28:34and I'm doing this...
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Oh, that drives me nuts!
0:28:37 > 0:28:40You know the unpopped...have you ever done that, where you think,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43"Maybe I'll have another try at eating an unpopped..."
0:28:43 > 0:28:47Ohhh! "If I hold it in the warmth of my mouth, it might pop."
0:28:47 > 0:28:49No, no, no. That's so...
0:28:49 > 0:28:53And another thing, you know, they have these huge, huge drinks.
0:28:53 > 0:28:55I mean... I don't know how you can drink that much
0:28:55 > 0:28:58anyway, and they try to... the last possible drop.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01They're like... HE SUCKS LOUDLY
0:29:02 > 0:29:05I mean, come on! What is this? Animal Farm?!
0:29:06 > 0:29:08I just want to watch Kate Winslet
0:29:08 > 0:29:11sinking down the bottom of the ocean...
0:29:11 > 0:29:14But that's the perfect sound effect.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18Yeah. Water going through ice. Yeah.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21I went to a well-known West End cinema, and I said to the guy,
0:29:21 > 0:29:22"Can I have a large cola?"
0:29:22 > 0:29:24And he said, "Yes, there you go, sir".
0:29:24 > 0:29:27And I said, "Actually, can I have it without ice?"
0:29:27 > 0:29:29and he said, "Yes, certainly, sir".
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Have you seen the large...
0:29:34 > 0:29:36The large packets are literally like this.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39They're enormous. I mean whatever is in it,
0:29:39 > 0:29:41how are you going to be able to drink the whole thing?
0:29:41 > 0:29:42You don't drink it all in one go.
0:29:42 > 0:29:46You need to make four or five very noisy trips to the toilet.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49Exactly. "Excuse me, excuse me, sorry",
0:29:49 > 0:29:52and then banging everybody on the head with a packet of crisps.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Oh, no, no, no. But you must be a nightmare at the cinema
0:29:54 > 0:29:57because you can't talk without standing up.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08OK. What does Sue hate about entertainment?
0:30:12 > 0:30:15Mime. Mime artists. Oh, really?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17It frightens me, yes.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21Because a mime, basically, is a clown that you can't hear coming.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26I don't think I'm particularly snobby about art forms.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28I like everything. Big blockbuster films,
0:30:28 > 0:30:30sometimes the opera, all sorts of things.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33But it seems to me that all other art forms say something about
0:30:33 > 0:30:36love and loss and guilt and hell and pain and the human condition, and
0:30:36 > 0:30:40mime says, "Look, there's a wall", and, "there's some rope" and...
0:30:40 > 0:30:42Yeah, but... "Ooh, this is a really heavy balloon".
0:30:42 > 0:30:45Have you been scared by somebody as a child?
0:30:45 > 0:30:47Something has happened... Both of my parents
0:30:47 > 0:30:49are professional mime artists.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52I grew up in an expressive world of silence.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54It was a very quiet household. Yeah.
0:30:58 > 0:30:59"Speak to me!"
0:31:02 > 0:31:04What about those everyday mimes that we all use?
0:31:04 > 0:31:06Oh, what, like... Yeah, exactly.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10Like you know when you want the bill and you go... Yeah.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12And you know when people go...?
0:31:12 > 0:31:15Is that the hospital? I just lost three fingers in an accident.
0:31:18 > 0:31:19Yeah. But that, I love that.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23I'm a bit of a traditionalist. I go...
0:31:23 > 0:31:25HE MOUTHS
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Here's a test for you, Sue.
0:31:28 > 0:31:32Watch this and tell me whose side you're on in this clip. OK.
0:31:38 > 0:31:39Hey! Leave him alone, man!
0:31:57 > 0:31:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Fair enough.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10Not all mime is that kind of, you know,
0:32:10 > 0:32:13white face, you know... No.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15But that is the kind of mime that frightens me.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18What about Marcel Marceau? Didn't you like lovely...?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20The genius Marcel Marceau. Creeps me.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22Creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24We've got a picture of Marcel Marceau.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27And then, Marcel Mar-SUE.
0:32:28 > 0:32:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:31 > 0:32:33That's where it comes from.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35It's four series of miming sad face
0:32:35 > 0:32:37as another cake just mainlines its way into my face.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39I think mime is quite special,
0:32:39 > 0:32:43and can be really something fine to watch.
0:32:43 > 0:32:47My final move in this argument, my trump card,
0:32:47 > 0:32:50is I'm going to bring on someone who really can do it.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53So, please welcome Les Bubb.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55APPLAUSE
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Come on. That's good! That is great!
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Come on. Seriously.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32You're melting me. You're melting me.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34How the hell is he doing it?
0:33:34 > 0:33:38You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40Just come here. Just...
0:33:40 > 0:33:42AUDIENCE GROANS
0:33:42 > 0:33:43APPLAUSE
0:33:49 > 0:33:56Les Bubb, ladies and gentlemen. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:56 > 0:33:57Excellent.
0:34:00 > 0:34:03All right. Listen, I've... I've changed, OK?
0:34:03 > 0:34:06I've learnt stuff, you know.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10OK. What in entertainment really winds up Steve Jones?
0:34:15 > 0:34:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:20 > 0:34:21This is a slam-dunk, Frank.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24Can I just say, before you launch into this...
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Hey. That's bad.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Ah! The sleepy eye.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Hello.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36I always promised myself, if I was ever to come on Room 101,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39I would put the flaming haired she-devil that is
0:34:39 > 0:34:42Anne Robinson into the box, but one of your lovely producers,
0:34:42 > 0:34:45Clare, told me it had already been done.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49Well, Jessica Hynes did it, but I think the tradition is that now
0:34:49 > 0:34:53and again Welsh people will come on just to check the locks.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57We should have a look at why Steve is not a fan of Anne Robinson.
0:34:57 > 0:35:03This was 2001. This was Anne on Room 101.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06What do you want to put in? I want to put the Welsh in.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:35:11 > 0:35:14I've never taken to them much. What are they for?
0:35:14 > 0:35:16LAUGHTER
0:35:16 > 0:35:20Well, they're always so pleased with themselves, aren't they?
0:35:20 > 0:35:22To be fair to Anne...
0:35:22 > 0:35:25to be fair, to be fair to her, that was 2001.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26She hasn't changed a bit.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28LAUGHTER
0:35:28 > 0:35:30It's outrageous. That's how world wars start.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Were you genuinely upset by it?
0:35:33 > 0:35:36Yeah, actually. It's outrageous.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39You can't put three million people in Room 101.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41How many Welsh people has she ever met?
0:35:41 > 0:35:43I mean, put an individual Welsh person in.
0:35:43 > 0:35:44Do you think she had a bad holiday?
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Did she go to Gower on a rainy weekend?
0:35:47 > 0:35:49I think her argument was she lived in...
0:35:49 > 0:35:51she grew up in Liverpool, and there used to be, er...
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Welsh people used to come to Liverpool now and again.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Oh, I take it all back. Fair enough. Put us in there.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Well, let's have another look at Anne,
0:35:59 > 0:36:03because I think at one stage on Room 101 she actually sort of is
0:36:03 > 0:36:06slightly humble and actually quite praising of the Welsh.
0:36:06 > 0:36:08OK, let's take a look.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Over the years, being of Irish descent,
0:36:10 > 0:36:13where we're terribly ashamed of ourselves,
0:36:13 > 0:36:14so we can't sing like they do
0:36:14 > 0:36:18and we can't play rugby like they do, and we can't be clever
0:36:18 > 0:36:21like they are, so, I've just grown to dislike them more and more.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25Too little, too late.
0:36:25 > 0:36:26The damage had been done.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29I just think she took, you know, a bad experience
0:36:29 > 0:36:30and a bit of jealousy too far.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32She's obviously deeply jealous of the Welsh.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33I think it's fair to say we all are.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36And also... Can I say, I'm not.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39She's not human.
0:36:40 > 0:36:44Well, erm... I feel you really mean this, Steve.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47HE LAUGHS To a degree, yes.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49I can't put mime in.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52Neither can I now, because I've seen the light. Yes.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54And I'm off now. I will never speak again.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56And Bruno, as I think I have found tonight,
0:36:56 > 0:36:59has managed to combine mime with speaking. Yeah.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03That's very unusual.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07And I'm one of the people who talks in the cinema and stuff,
0:37:07 > 0:37:09so I can't put that in. But you know what?
0:37:09 > 0:37:12I'm going to put another padlock,
0:37:12 > 0:37:17and I am going to have Anne Robinson once again led into Room 101.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Goodbye.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27And there she goes, returning to the vault.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Well done, Steve, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:37:41 > 0:37:43so you're tonight's winner. Thank you.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:54 > 0:37:57And thanks very much, Sue Perkins, Bruno Tonioli and Steve Jones,
0:37:57 > 0:38:01and thank you, good night. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE