0:00:23 > 0:00:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates exiled
0:00:39 > 0:00:43forever to the dark vault that is Room 101.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48and in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Joining me tonight are comedian Jack Dee,
0:00:54 > 0:00:56footballer-turned-presenter Gary Lineker,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58and actress Fay Ripley.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Right, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Ah, people. Don't you just hate them?
0:01:17 > 0:01:20So, what is Gary's choice?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:01:26 > 0:01:27I know exactly what this is.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29This is, sort of, competitive parents.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Certainly at football matches, parents on touchlines.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36The type that shout at their own kids and shout abuse at referees
0:01:36 > 0:01:39and shout at the opposition - and get so competitive
0:01:39 > 0:01:43about the game that they don't allow the kids to enjoy football.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- Do you say anything?- Yeah.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48I just say, "You're really not helping."
0:01:48 > 0:01:53I saw one bloke run up to his kid, who was about ten years old,
0:01:53 > 0:01:54and at the end of the game,
0:01:54 > 0:01:56he picked him up by the scruff of the neck,
0:01:56 > 0:01:59and he was going, "Do you think you're going to make it
0:01:59 > 0:02:01"playing like that?!"
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Do you think that helps him?! He's ten!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06He wasn't any good anyway!
0:02:06 > 0:02:10It'll be lovely if he's watching, though, hearing Gary Lineker...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12It drives me mad.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15I wonder, out of interest, at what point you are allowed
0:02:15 > 0:02:19to shout at them like that for them to then become a good player.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21What age is the crossover where it's,
0:02:21 > 0:02:25"Oh, that's really great" to, "Get on with it! Get down the pitch!"?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Cos at some point that's what everybody does.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- I don't think you ever have to shout at anybody like that...- Really?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33..in sport. No. You don't see that in...
0:02:33 > 0:02:34cricket.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36LAUGHTER
0:02:36 > 0:02:37I've got a clip.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41This shows what happens when parents get a bit too
0:02:41 > 0:02:46involved in what's going on in a sporting event.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50So, you can see that there's a bit of shoving there, but...
0:02:50 > 0:02:52stay out of it, Dad.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Dad, come on.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Hang on, isn't that Gary?!
0:03:04 > 0:03:09- Oh, Lord.- That goes a bit beyond, "Have a word with him", doesn't it?
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- That's pushing it a bit. - That is, just a little bit.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I think 99% of people in sport, probably in all walks of life,
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- we respond much better, don't we, to...?- Encouragement.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- An arm round the shoulder. - Absolutely.- There are the odd,
0:03:22 > 0:03:24you know, instances where somebody perhaps needs
0:03:24 > 0:03:26the old kick up the backside just to get them going.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Yeah.- But it's not like a player's going to change his mind
0:03:29 > 0:03:33because of something that somebody's shouted at him. "Pass it on!"
0:03:33 > 0:03:36"Oh, that's a better idea than what I was going to do."
0:03:36 > 0:03:40A friend of mine was saying he saw a bloke get up to shout,
0:03:40 > 0:03:44it's at West Brom, and he started the abusive shout
0:03:44 > 0:03:47before he decided how he was going to end it.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50So he was on about this player being a bit, he was a bit negative,
0:03:50 > 0:03:52he passed the ball sideways rather than forwards and he said,
0:03:52 > 0:03:57"Bradley, Bradley, you're about as negative as a...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59"positive earth."
0:04:02 > 0:04:06I've been watching football since 1967
0:04:06 > 0:04:10and I would say that 80% of what I've shouted at football matches
0:04:10 > 0:04:12has been the phrase, "Come on".
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- It works. "Come on." - It works for everything.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18If it's going badly you go, "Come on",
0:04:18 > 0:04:20and if it's going well, you go, "Come on, come on".
0:04:20 > 0:04:24And you can just go, "Oh, come ON!"
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Endlessly versatile.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29What's really interesting, I didn't realise you didn't start
0:04:29 > 0:04:31watching football until you were in your 30s.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33HE LAUGHS
0:04:33 > 0:04:35APPLAUSE
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Oh, Gary Lineker.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I still love him. I can't stop it.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I've only just entered into parenthood.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46He's two and a half, my son,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49and I've already started to feel that competitive...
0:04:49 > 0:04:51You're not shouting at him yet, are you?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53I mean, how are you on school sports days?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I'm thinking he won't have a school sports day for about two years
0:04:56 > 0:05:00so I could get, say, Kriss Akabusi to train him.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03I like the idea of being in top form for the dads' race.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Jack, do you do sports days? Dads' race?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Well, my kids are older now, they don't do them at university.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- But in the past...- They don't do egg and spoon any more.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19It does make you wonder though if it's only just in sport though.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21One of my sons is into drama
0:05:21 > 0:05:24and you wouldn't ever be in the audience going, "Come on!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27"What's the matter with you? What, do you call that a pause?"
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I find if I'm pushing my son on the swing,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34if there's someone pushing next to me,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I want to be the highest. Do you know what I mean?
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Goes over the top.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44A young boy, who was about five, walked past, and he said,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46"The baby's going high".
0:05:48 > 0:05:54OK. Well, I think you argue your case with passion, if I may say.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58So, what kind of people wind up Fay Ripley?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:06:02 > 0:06:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- Me?!- Let me explain.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- OK.- Football pundits.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It is...
0:06:22 > 0:06:25That hasn't really softened the blow.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27My point is this.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I am new to football.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33I have an eight-year-old son, and so I'm a year in to, now,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36a new passion. So I'm into football.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I should warn you, her next choice is crisps.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43APPLAUSE
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Not really. Sorry, Fay.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I'm sort of looking for mumdits, I suppose, you know,
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I want the mums' voice in there.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54I want to sort of... It's like I know what you're saying,
0:06:54 > 0:06:58but you do slightly point out the bleeding obvious.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01It's like, yeah, I've got it, but I'm looking at the game going,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03"Oh, that's the bloke with the new kitchen, yeah.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05"Saw that in the double-page spread. He gives his money to charity.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08"Oh, love him". You know, it's that sort of thing.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09That is a different angle, yeah.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14Yeah. It's not that I don't want you to exist.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- How sweet of you. - That is as generous as I can be.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- I just want to be included. - You're talking women here?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- Women. - Or you particularly?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- Mums. Mums.- Mums. - The core... The soccer mums.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29We have women pundits on Football Focus.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31We've got a lot of women's football now, which is growing,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34it's getting quicker. We've got the women's
0:07:34 > 0:07:35FA Cup, World Cup, coming up.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37All sorts of big things, so it's there for you.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- OK. It's coming up the rear. - They can't do...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I've watched quite a lot of the women's football
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and it annoys me that there aren't enough men commentating.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51I like the pundits, but I miss the fact that there aren't as many
0:07:51 > 0:07:54non-ex-footballers, because I think the football,
0:07:54 > 0:07:56it gets a bit bantery, doesn't it, don't you think, Gary?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59You know, there's a goal, and they say,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01"Well, I think even you would have scored that one".
0:08:01 > 0:08:03"Yeah, it's a bit far out for me."
0:08:03 > 0:08:06"And the goalie pushed him. Strikers' union."
0:08:06 > 0:08:08It does get a bit like that.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11I've never heard a show like that, but I'll take your word for it.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Oh, come on.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16The ex-pros have sort of taken over now, I think, wouldn't you say?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Well, definitely, and quite rightly so.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Why do we want people on there that
0:08:20 > 0:08:22don't really understand it very well?
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Well, here's a famous ex-professional footballer
0:08:26 > 0:08:31and manager, Chris Kamara, in action on Sky Soccer Saturday.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Well, to Fratton Park, where there has been a red card,
0:08:35 > 0:08:37but for who, Chris Kamara?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I don't know, Jeff. Has there?!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I must have missed that. Red card?!
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Yes. Have you not been watching?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49According to our sources,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Anthony Vanden Borre has been sent off for a second bookable offence.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Get your fingers out and count up the number of Portsmouth
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- players that are on the field. - No, you're right.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I saw him go off, but I thought they were bringing a sub on, Jeff.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03THEY LAUGH
0:09:04 > 0:09:06How sweet.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11Top man, Chris Kamara. Top man. See, that's great.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14That's entertainment. That's what it's about, making people laugh.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18You could find a woman who could not notice someone getting sent off.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22What I liked about it is that he was completely honest about it.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24He's probably at the back of the stand somewhere.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Let's defend the man.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28That's lovely for you to stick up for someone from a rival network.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30It was rubbish, actually. It was rubbish.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Are you in negotiations, Gary?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I remember when Wayne Rooney played one of his first games
0:09:37 > 0:09:42for England and it went back to you in the studio and you said,
0:09:42 > 0:09:44"I think we might've found one."
0:09:44 > 0:09:46And that's when pundits are great,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49when they seem to love the game as much as you do.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51That was special.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Not necessarily correct but it was...
0:09:54 > 0:09:56LAUGHTER
0:09:56 > 0:10:00So I know what you mean but I think Gary Lineker's quite a good example
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- of what it's like when it's at its top end.- Thanks, Frank.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05It's all right.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07LAUGHTER
0:10:07 > 0:10:11What kind of people wind up Jack Dee?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- White van drivers.- OK. - White van drivers.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27I think white vans should be banned,
0:10:27 > 0:10:31because the white van is the choice of criminals.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38How often when you hear of a crime and the report would say the police
0:10:38 > 0:10:41are wanting to speak to a driver of a white van seen in the vicinity?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45So this is where I'm coming from.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I don't think you can arrest them first,
0:10:47 > 0:10:48though, as a preventative measure.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Well, this is exactly what I'm saying we should do.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Do you think if we painted all vans, it would eradicate crime?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I slightly think it would make a difference.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02There's something about the whole culture of the white van.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06They always drive them as if they just stole them anyway, don't they?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09They're the worst road users there are.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12And they've no need to be in such a big vehicle anyway
0:11:12 > 0:11:15because they're not doing anything, these people.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Half of them, they don't carry around that much equipment.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20If you're a plumber, what do you need?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22You need a spanner, that's about it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27The rest is just full of Ginsters pie wrappers and such,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30whatever else they need to get themselves through the day.
0:11:30 > 0:11:37I think it's easy to sort of assume that they're all bad guys,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40but there must be some very decent folk driving white vans.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I don't think so.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46We've got some example of things that you see
0:11:46 > 0:11:48when people DO put things on their van.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50These are people deliberately trying to be funny,
0:11:50 > 0:11:52which I sort of quite like.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54OK, here's the first.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Floral and Hardy. Come on, that's a double pun.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- That's cute.- Because you get hardy annuals, you see.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06See if you like this one any better.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13That's brilliant.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16That's brilliant, but technically that's not a white van.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20That's got a livery on it saying what's going on in the van
0:12:20 > 0:12:21- and what they're about.- Yes.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Doesn't the UN and the Red Cross use white vans?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28It's got a red cross on it. You haven't been listening, have you?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30No, it's on the top. It's on the top.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- You can't see it. - I have a statistic.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37You might find this interesting.
0:12:37 > 0:12:43It says that just one in every 261 white vans was involved
0:12:43 > 0:12:46in an accident in Britain in 2012,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50compared with one in every 146 cars.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Goes to show car drivers are a lot more honest. They own up.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:00 > 0:13:03OK. So we come to the end of that round.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I have to say, I think you've all done well on this.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I agree that there should be more women pundits.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13I think parents do get completely carried away.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I don't have such a problem with white vans myself,
0:13:16 > 0:13:19but you've argued it so relentlessly
0:13:19 > 0:13:25and with such scowling focus, that I feel I can't turn it down,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29so I'm going to put white vans and their drivers into Room 101.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:42 > 0:13:44OK, let's have the next category.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55It's modern life. What doesn't Fay Ripley like about modern life?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Ugh. Leggings.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Oh.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Look, I'm not a huge follower of fashion.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I don't have much of an opinion on fashion, but I am a Ripley,
0:14:11 > 0:14:16and the Ripley women have some kind of genetic issue with their legs.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18I have Ripley legs.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Do you mean you have rippley legs?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Sort of, yes. - Oh, OK. That's a coincidence.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- Thanks for noticing.- Yeah. - But somewhere along the line,
0:14:28 > 0:14:33- everybody, it seems to me, started wearing leggings all the time.- Mm.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37I think that the excuse is that they're comfy, erm,
0:14:37 > 0:14:41but so is my dressing gown, I'm not going to work in it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44And my issue is many...
0:14:44 > 0:14:48For me, it's not about the shape of your legs even,
0:14:48 > 0:14:51because if you've got quite a lot of flesh on the bone,
0:14:51 > 0:14:54it looks like sausage meat put into a piping bag.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57If you're very thin, you look like Max Wall.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02There's no way round it. Or a mime artist, or a sparrow.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Do you see what I mean? There's no good version.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07There is no good version, I'm here to tell you.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11And then out from leggings,
0:15:11 > 0:15:16some genius decided to invent jeggings.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Jeggings being jean leggings.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- Oh, yeah. - And then, Frank, came the meggings.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23- Let me guess.- Male leggings.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Oh, male leggings, yeah. - Are you wearing them?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27I might be.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I bet they're comfy.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Do you want to see them?- Yes.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35OK. It just so happens I am wearing leggings tonight.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Are you? - I'm not ashamed of that.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I'll have to come over here to reveal it.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- Oh, you really are.- I really am.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I go for a certain look in leggings which I think many of you
0:15:46 > 0:15:50will appreciate. Perhaps not so much you, Fay.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51You're in the wrong angle.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Plus the big question is, well, are they leggings? You'll never know.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Or is he just commando this evening?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Frank, one of my points being...
0:16:14 > 0:16:17Yes. Keep one of my points out of it.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Well, one of my points being that you can't, there's just way
0:16:20 > 0:16:25too much detail in a legging in that downstairs department.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I don't want to know all your baked goods in the shop front.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- Yeah, but not everyone else could see from that side.- I could.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34My point in a nutshell.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37We have to take your word for it,
0:16:37 > 0:16:39because from here you looked like Action Man.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44But I love - I think women look fantastic in leggings.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Name one.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48OK. Beyonce.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53I would... I would say she looks pretty good
0:16:53 > 0:16:56but I'd rather see her in a well-tailored trouser.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Look, those are studded leggings. I like those.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I like the idea of going to an Italian restaurant
0:17:02 > 0:17:04and the waitress is wearing studded leggings.
0:17:04 > 0:17:10She comes over and grinds Parmesan into your... Eh?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Let's encourage that.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17To be honest, I think they're fairly unforgiving, leggings.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I can't remember what your legs are like.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I bet they're great, but I think if you've got great legs,
0:17:22 > 0:17:26you look great in leggings, and that's kind of what happens.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Well, what does that leave for the Ripley ladies?
0:17:30 > 0:17:35Well, the thing is, they're sort of made for women with great legs,
0:17:35 > 0:17:39but women who are bigger women, I don't include you in this,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43are drawn in by the elastication.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45So what happens is you do get women who maybe shouldn't.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49But I like the fact that big women now can be big in a tight way.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I... Honestly, I love them.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57My girlfriend wears leggings all the time and I think they look great.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02- Well...- I love the fact that they stop, you know, before the foot.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Yes, it's just a tight without a foot
0:18:03 > 0:18:05but would you ever go out in your tights?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08But that's so brave that women do that.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12I would never put a bare foot into a shoe.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14If I wore shoes with no socks,
0:18:14 > 0:18:17after a week I'd just have to throw it away.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19It wouldn't be touchable, that shoe.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22That's why women are always buying shoes because the ones that
0:18:22 > 0:18:24they're putting on bare feet have disintegrated.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30OK. What doesn't Jack like about modern life?
0:18:30 > 0:18:34HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:18:36 > 0:18:39HAND-DRYER BLOWS
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Electric hand-dryers.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Yeah, those automatic hand-dryers. - APPLAUSE
0:18:49 > 0:18:55I mean a good 47% of them don't work anyway,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58so you wet your hands and then you discover it doesn't work,
0:18:58 > 0:19:02so then you're wandering around with wet hands for six or seven minutes.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Unlike with a paper towel dispenser, you know when that's empty.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You can see it's empty. You think, "Fine, that's empty.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11"I'm not going to bother washing my hands,"
0:19:11 > 0:19:13whereas this, you don't get the option.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Sometimes they do work, but they're pathetic, they're just like...
0:19:17 > 0:19:19HE BLOWS GENTLY
0:19:19 > 0:19:22..like a dying man's last breath on your hands.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Even the Dyson Airblade thing,
0:19:26 > 0:19:28that one where you put your hands in like that
0:19:28 > 0:19:30and everyone thinks it's quite clever and quite cool to use
0:19:30 > 0:19:33but it's not actually, but when you watch people even using that,
0:19:33 > 0:19:36they always go out the lavatory just doing this.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Because it's a primary instinct for us
0:19:40 > 0:19:45to want to dry our hands on a piece of cloth or paper.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50I hate when inventors think that they'll improve on something
0:19:50 > 0:19:53that works perfectly well anyway.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Who the hell looked at a towel, or paper towel, and thought,
0:19:58 > 0:20:01"There must be a better way of drying your hands than that"?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Crisps, right? Crisps.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I love regular, ordinary crisps.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08I'm not just saying this. I like regular, ordinary crisps.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Then someone thinks, "Oh, no, we can make them better.
0:20:10 > 0:20:16"Let's have Kettle crisps instead". It's just like food that hurts.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- It just tears your mouth apart. - He's good.- It is.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Horrible little shards of...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24You could skin an animal with those things.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27We were all happy with normal crisps.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Leave us with them, and leave us
0:20:29 > 0:20:31with paper towels to wash our hands on and dry our hands on.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33APPLAUSE
0:20:35 > 0:20:39The other thing is that a public lavatory is probably not
0:20:39 > 0:20:44the most fragrant area that you'll ever find yourself in
0:20:44 > 0:20:48and the one thing that can make the stench of a lavatory worse
0:20:48 > 0:20:49is by warming it up.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53That's what an electric hand-dryer does.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Have you ever done that thing when you get your mouth underneath
0:20:57 > 0:21:00one of those hand-dryers and you can make your mouth go all funny?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02You ever done that?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- I haven't done that, that sounds good.- It's brilliant.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I haven't got one of those, obviously,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08but I've got a hairdryer, it's the same principle.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10But if you get a good powerful hand-dryer
0:21:10 > 0:21:11and you get underneath it...
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I'll see if I can make this work with a hairdryer. OK, ready?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17HAIRDRYER BLOWS
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- Brilliant.- But...
0:21:29 > 0:21:32APPLAUSE
0:21:34 > 0:21:37- It's...- I'm just worried that you'll be making faces like that
0:21:37 > 0:21:40in a public toilet and people will get the wrong idea.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Well, I think that's what worries this bloke.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50I'll be absolutely honest.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55If I'm just going for a wee, I don't wash my hands.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57GROANING
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Well, maybe sometimes accidentally.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Why would I? I'm only touching me, and I'm clean.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07I know I'm clean.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09How filthy are people they have to wash their hands after
0:22:09 > 0:22:12they touch themselves?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14You've made us all feel sick now.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21I'm a big hand-washer, a borderline obsessive hand-washer.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24- Yeah?- And in a public toilet, I won't use my hands.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25I'll only use my elbows.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27That's quite difficult at a urinal.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Morning, Jeff.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41My most dangerous area in a public toilet is not the...
0:22:41 > 0:22:46It's the door in and out, is the one I worry about most
0:22:46 > 0:22:49because people like you don't wash their hands, basically.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51But I'm very clean, generally.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Well, so what you're suggesting is that it would be OK for you
0:22:55 > 0:23:00to slap your private parts onto the handle of that toilet door.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- What I'm saying...- And that's cool for me who's never met you...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- No, hear me out...- ..in that way. - What I'm saying
0:23:06 > 0:23:10is when I'm going for that purpose, the only thing I touch is me
0:23:10 > 0:23:14and if I can catch something off me, I've already got it.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- But I haven't! - What about other people?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Yes!- Oh, other people.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25That's all we ever hear nowadays - other people this,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27other people that.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29OK, well, can I ask you one question?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32When you wash your hands, how long would you say you wash them for?
0:23:34 > 0:23:39There have been times when other people are using the facilities
0:23:39 > 0:23:42and if I'm aware that there's an electric hand-dryer,
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I actually won't wash my hands, I'll pretend to wash my hands
0:23:46 > 0:23:50so I'll hit the tap and pretend to be getting them wet
0:23:50 > 0:23:51but I don't want the inconvenience
0:23:51 > 0:23:54but I also don't want them to think I don't wash my hands.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58That's worse than me, at least I'm up front about it!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00It is worse than you in a way, yeah, it is.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04You've combined a lack of cleanliness with hypocrisy.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09It's something I specialise in.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14OK. What doesn't Gary like about modern life?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I've changed my mind. I'm going hand-dryer.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26- No, internet trolls.- Ah.
0:24:26 > 0:24:30People that are abusive and nasty on various forms of internet things,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32like Facebook, Twitter and...
0:24:32 > 0:24:37- Have you had personal experience? - I have one particular example.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I had a little accident, shall we say, in a very...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Yeah.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46..big football match, 1990 World Cup, and I wasn't very well.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49No. We should explain, it's a family show,
0:24:49 > 0:24:51so let's say you had a stomach upset.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56Yeah, I had a bit of stomach upset. Ball went down the left-hand side.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Totally out of character, I tried to tackle someone, and I relaxed,
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- and...- Yes, yes.- You can imagine the rest. It was not very pleasant.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Yes.- It was... In fact, it was awful.
0:25:06 > 0:25:13Every time I, say, do a tweet, I get hundreds of people going,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16"Yeah, but you sh... on the pitch".
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Whatever I tweet about.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Say I tweet about, like tonight, I said, "I'm going
0:25:20 > 0:25:24"to do Room 101 with the brilliant Frank Skinner", for example...
0:25:24 > 0:25:28(I didn't.) ..and then all the responses underneath will be,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31"I sh... on Frank Skinner".
0:25:31 > 0:25:35And they think it's funny, and it goes on forever.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40That was 1990, and you're still getting people trolling about it.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- Yeah.- You're not the first national hero to have had an accident.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Do you remember Paula Radcliffe did it in the street?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- Course, yeah. - And I think Gary Barlow did it
0:25:48 > 0:25:51when he got that call from the Inland Revenue.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58But I have to say that I'm not on Twitter myself,
0:25:58 > 0:26:02but I've noticed that you can be quite acerbic on there.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- If it's deserved.- Yeah, well...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06It's a great chance of having a go back.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08When you're playing football, for example,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10you used to get loads of abuse from the crowd, but you couldn't
0:26:10 > 0:26:13really have a go back, whereas this gives you a platform.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Now you can tweet them all individually.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17- If you want to.- Yeah.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19A particular target of yours, I've noticed,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22is the President of FIFA, Sepp Blatter.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Oh, yes. But he's very deserving of it.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28OK. Well, let's have a look at a couple of examples.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39APPLAUSE
0:26:39 > 0:26:40And...
0:26:51 > 0:26:54APPLAUSE
0:26:54 > 0:26:57In his defence, who knew it was hot in Qatar?
0:26:57 > 0:27:01- You're right.- But it's a brilliant platform, Twitter,
0:27:01 > 0:27:02for all sorts of different reasons.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05I can't agree with that. I hate Twitter.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08You've not been on it. Everyone hates it until they do it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09No, but I - I'm on it.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11You're on it whether you like it or not.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I got home, my girlfriend,
0:27:13 > 0:27:16honestly, my girlfriend said to me, "Why were you in Superdrug?"
0:27:19 > 0:27:21I'm so sensitive to criticism.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25For example, you did a tweet, Gary, about me, right?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28This was it, this was earlier in the year...
0:27:32 > 0:27:34And someone told me about it,
0:27:34 > 0:27:39my girlfriend who Twitter searches me on the hour,
0:27:39 > 0:27:42and my first thought was, "Well, this sounds to me
0:27:42 > 0:27:44"like someone's saying why don't people love Frank Skinner?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- "I'm going to be the first one..." - It's paranoia.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Yeah, exactly, that's why I can't be on Twitter. If that upset me...
0:27:50 > 0:27:53No, cos everyone loves you, Frank. I was just making that point.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Yeah, but I didn't see it that way.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Obviously I saw some of the responses
0:27:56 > 0:27:58and a lot of people don't but...
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Now, that was a joke but tonight I will wake up at three o'clock
0:28:04 > 0:28:05and thought he meant that.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Well, I think it's terrible that you should be criticised
0:28:10 > 0:28:14for what was an illness, basically.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16On here I've had stomach trouble many a time,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18it just drops out of me like a seagull.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25So, OK. Well, I must say, you've all...
0:28:25 > 0:28:27you've all convinced me
0:28:27 > 0:28:30and then sort of...see, I love leggings, and I know what you mean.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34I know they are - but I don't mind a bit of casual dressing,
0:28:34 > 0:28:38and I think that they can look absolutely fantastic.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42Hand-dryers, I don't mind them.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44I don't feel really strongly about it,
0:28:44 > 0:28:48but I think internet trolls, you're right, Gary, it's got to be stopped.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50I am going to put internet trolls into Room 101.
0:28:50 > 0:28:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:04 > 0:29:06OK, next category, please.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15It's the wildcard round, so all the restraints are off
0:29:15 > 0:29:17and you can just pick anything you don't like.
0:29:17 > 0:29:19What is Jack's wildcard?
0:29:19 > 0:29:22HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:29:26 > 0:29:31This is when they use music in adverts.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34Not jingles, but music that you like.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- Oh, OK. - And it ruins the music,
0:29:37 > 0:29:39the song, for you for ever-more.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43I've had too many of my favourite songs contaminated
0:29:43 > 0:29:45by the thought of a brand
0:29:45 > 0:29:48of some sort or the other, because it's been in an advert,
0:29:48 > 0:29:50been used, and I don't think it should be allowed.
0:29:50 > 0:29:54Do you not think that this can work a bit like a Trojan Horse,
0:29:54 > 0:29:58in that it comes into your house unexpected during the adverts,
0:29:58 > 0:30:02and you might discover something that you really like that you
0:30:02 > 0:30:03wouldn't have heard before?
0:30:03 > 0:30:05It's exactly what I'm talking about, you know?
0:30:05 > 0:30:11You know the song by Labi Siffre, Something So Strong Inside,
0:30:11 > 0:30:14and it's a beautiful song written about breaking down apartheid
0:30:14 > 0:30:21and civil rights and that got used for a car advert.
0:30:21 > 0:30:22Where's the...?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25And it was a Peugeot as well.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Not even a nice car.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31All the marvellous moments in your life,
0:30:31 > 0:30:34the music that I walked down the aisle to,
0:30:34 > 0:30:36I don't want that ruined,
0:30:36 > 0:30:39because it's suddenly become an advert for a building society.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41That's all I'll think of.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44I'll connect marriage with financial stress.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Seems fair.
0:30:48 > 0:30:53Well, I would rather that they use a song in its normal form.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Sometimes when they take a song that you love
0:30:56 > 0:30:59and then they mess about with it, that's worse.
0:30:59 > 0:31:00That's a whole other level of horror.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03I mean, we have something in common. We both have a song.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05I know from listening to your Desert Island Discs.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08We both have a song that we love very much.
0:31:08 > 0:31:12# When you're alone and life is making you lonely
0:31:12 > 0:31:14# You can always go
0:31:14 > 0:31:17# Downtown. #
0:31:17 > 0:31:20I love that song, and I know you do too, and so I know you'll
0:31:20 > 0:31:26particularly not enjoy an advert for Coles, the Australian supermarket.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30# Prices are staying down
0:31:30 > 0:31:32# So forget all your troubles
0:31:32 > 0:31:34# Forget all your cares and go
0:31:34 > 0:31:36# Down, down
0:31:36 > 0:31:38# Prices are staying down
0:31:38 > 0:31:40# Down, down
0:31:40 > 0:31:42# They're not on special, they're
0:31:42 > 0:31:44# Down, down
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- # And every one's down for you - Down, down. #
0:31:52 > 0:31:56I want to shop there. That's just so fun!
0:31:56 > 0:31:59It's not very convenient, though. It's in Australia.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01That's true. Phew.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04That now has tainted the song for me.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06I wish I could do Desert Island Discs again.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08I wouldn't do that song on it.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Anyway, what is Gary's wildcard?
0:32:11 > 0:32:14HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:32:17 > 0:32:20These yellow box junction things.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24- Really?!- Yes, and I'll tell you why, because they're a...
0:32:24 > 0:32:27They're a pain in the neck and no-one understands them.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Somebody will drive in front, and you're going through the box,
0:32:30 > 0:32:33and then they decide just to stop, just after the box, when there's ten
0:32:33 > 0:32:37yards in front of them, and you get stuck there, and then you get done.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39What is the point of them?
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Well, I'll tell you. I'll show you what the point...
0:32:41 > 0:32:44- because I think they're actually a very good idea.- Oh, well.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46I'm going to demonstrate how they operate.
0:32:48 > 0:32:53If you take the waffle, obviously, as the box...
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Works quite well, I think, as a box junction.
0:32:58 > 0:33:02So the idea is that I'm coming down this road,
0:33:02 > 0:33:06I want to turn right here. Yeah? So that's fine.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10If there's a car here, OK, that's come across there,
0:33:10 > 0:33:12then my exit is not clear, so I wait.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15If I go across and sit there, like you're suggesting is all right,
0:33:15 > 0:33:18if I sit there, then I'm blocking this person.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21No, no, no. You're allowed in the box if you turn right.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24- No, not if my exit isn't clear. - But how can you see
0:33:24 > 0:33:28whether your exit is clear with sausages on the plate?
0:33:28 > 0:33:31Look, I know you like clearing your exit in the box.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- LAUGHTER - Oh, now I've done it.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36I bet you've got a very big car.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38- I bet he's got... - And that is not a compliment.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40- No, I've got a really small car.- Oh.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Smart car? - It's not that smart.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46You can imagine Gary, can't you, with his big car?
0:33:46 > 0:33:48Yeah. Taking up the whole box.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50"I'm Gary Lineker", eh? Wind the window down to indicate.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58I think this woman might have the answer for you.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00- Yeah, good. - This is her car.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05That's brilliant.
0:34:05 > 0:34:09Yeah, but you wait till... She parks it in exactly the right position.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13That is her car. That picture is not interfered with.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16That is her car parked. That is amazing, isn't it?
0:34:19 > 0:34:22Anyway, what is Fay's wildcard?
0:34:22 > 0:34:25HYDRAULIC WHIRRING
0:34:28 > 0:34:30People who tell the truth.
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Yeah, they're awful, aren't they?!
0:34:35 > 0:34:39Well, people who are very proud of telling the truth.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43You know, people describe themselves as a person, you know,
0:34:43 > 0:34:46- "I say it like it is".- Mmm.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48You know, "I don't suffer fools gladly".
0:34:48 > 0:34:51Well, DO suffer fools gladly!
0:34:51 > 0:34:52DON'T say it like it is.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55Don't tell me I'm fat and old. I KNOW that.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57- Don't say it.- Fay...
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Well, or whatever it is. I want lies.
0:34:59 > 0:35:02I actually DO want lies. I think they're really useful.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04I think they're kind. It goes for everything.
0:35:04 > 0:35:08It goes for your children at school, you know,
0:35:08 > 0:35:11don't tell me my kid is bottom of the class.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15Say he's, you know, he's got loads of room for improvement,
0:35:15 > 0:35:19for instance, or just wrap it up in a lie.
0:35:21 > 0:35:24I bumped into an actress that I used to work with,
0:35:24 > 0:35:28and she looked at me and she went, "Oh, Fay.
0:35:28 > 0:35:29"Oh, my God.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31"How we've all aged."
0:35:33 > 0:35:36I was like, "Oh, yes, I suppose we have."
0:35:36 > 0:35:39It would have been... You know, just a lie.
0:35:39 > 0:35:40At that point, a lie.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43My mother-in-law, when I...
0:35:43 > 0:35:47When I had a child, his first... He was making noises early on,
0:35:47 > 0:35:49it really sounded like "daddy" to me.
0:35:49 > 0:35:53And I said, "He's saying daddy." And she said, "Nah."
0:35:53 > 0:35:57I said, "No, honestly, listen." And she said, "I think he's saying...
0:35:57 > 0:35:58"It sounds like egghead."
0:36:00 > 0:36:03Oh, so not only is he not saying daddy, he's actually abusing me!
0:36:05 > 0:36:07A comedian once said to me - I don't know
0:36:07 > 0:36:09if you've had anything like this, Jack - I met a woman comedian.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12She said, "Whenever I die onstage, I think of
0:36:12 > 0:36:16"when you died at the Royal Variety Performance."
0:36:16 > 0:36:20- Ooh.- How lovely to be an inspiration to someone.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22I didn't even know that, either.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24I'm going to go and look it up on YouTube when I get home.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26It's pretty bad.
0:36:27 > 0:36:30You must have lots of actors who are friends.
0:36:30 > 0:36:34Do you ever have that thing when you go and see someone in a play
0:36:34 > 0:36:37and then you go backstage after, and it's been terrible,
0:36:37 > 0:36:38and you have to...?
0:36:38 > 0:36:41You mustn't say - Frank, you must NEVER say it's terrible.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44- I always say it's brilliant.- Yes. - Always.- Always.
0:36:44 > 0:36:48Even when it's awful. See, that is another Twitter example.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51I went to see a comedian and I went back after and said,
0:36:51 > 0:36:54"That was brilliant and fantastic," and all that,
0:36:54 > 0:36:58and on Twitter it said, "Sat next to Frank Skinner at the blah, blah gig.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01"He didn't laugh once."
0:37:01 > 0:37:02Yeah, that...
0:37:02 > 0:37:04Sorry about that, Jack.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10OK. So we come to the end of that round. Hmm.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16Music in adverts, I think, can introduce you to music
0:37:16 > 0:37:19you might not have heard before, and that's a good thing.
0:37:19 > 0:37:24I think the box junction is a rather fabulous invention.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26I just think you're misusing it.
0:37:28 > 0:37:35AND I admire honesty in all areas of life, but I agree that sometimes you
0:37:35 > 0:37:40have to be a bit kind to people, and then it doesn't count as dishonesty.
0:37:40 > 0:37:46So I'm going to put people who tell the truth into Room 101.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:59 > 0:38:02And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05Well done, Jack, YOU were the most persuasive guest this week,
0:38:05 > 0:38:07so you are this week's winner.
0:38:07 > 0:38:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:09 > 0:38:14So, thank you very much to Jack Dee, Gary Lineker and Fay Ripley,
0:38:14 > 0:38:15and thank you, good night.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE