0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101 -
0:00:35 > 0:00:38the show where three guests compete to cast their biggest gripes
0:00:38 > 0:00:40deep into the gloomy vault.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46and in each round only one item can be chosen.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Joining me tonight are former England cricket captain
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Michael Vaughan, comedienne Sara Pascoe
0:00:54 > 0:00:56and Mr Television Jonathan Ross.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Good evening, Sara. Good evening, Michael.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Good evening, Frank.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Right, let's have our first category.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16It's People. So let's see what people wind up Jonathan.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24It's people who literally misuse the word "literally".
0:01:24 > 0:01:25APPLAUSE
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh, there you go. Thank you.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30- Popular.- Support there. - Popular, isn't it?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33And I'm not sitting here in the full pomp of pedantry and saying I don't
0:01:33 > 0:01:35agree that words could be changed over the years or that language
0:01:35 > 0:01:39is indeed something which can evolve and people can use it differently.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I'm all for that. I understand that the modern world,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43part of the vernacular and the idiom
0:01:43 > 0:01:46that we have is not necessarily what it was 20 years ago.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Recently, my daughter started using the word 'spicy.'
0:01:48 > 0:01:50That's the new word for an attractive person.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- Did you know that, Sara?- No.- Spicy.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54So she says, "Oh, yeah, he's the spicy one."
0:01:54 > 0:01:55So I know words change and I'm all for that.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57It's like, good and bad being switched.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00But "literally" is a word that has a very specific and very useful
0:02:00 > 0:02:03meaning, and the times when we use it, we should do that.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06And I think it's important that you stick to that.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08When people misuse it, it's normally because they're idiots.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Like, there was an American news reporter I saw when
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Britney Spears was having one of her semi-regular downturns, poor thing.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I think it was the time when she shaved her head and went out
0:02:17 > 0:02:19and attacked a van with an umbrella.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21She was in a bad way and they went outside to some sort of
0:02:21 > 0:02:24terrible report and said, "What can you tell us about Britney?"
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Obviously he couldn't tell us anything because he didn't know
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Britney and he was just outside with the rest of the kind of
0:02:30 > 0:02:32the bottom feeders, commenting on this poor woman's breakdown.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36And he said, "She's literally on a roller-coaster to hell."
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Wow. If she was, I'd have watched all night.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44May I quote the great poet Ezra Pound?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Well, he wasn't much of a poet, but anyway.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49He said, "Words are shabby tools, always deteriorating."
0:02:49 > 0:02:51And they are, but only if you let them.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I'm saying we should stick with "literally" for what it is
0:02:53 > 0:02:55and not let idiots destroy it. God bless you.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57APPLAUSE
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Some of the older gentlemen in the audience were the first to applaud.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06There was a gentleman there, he was straight up, like...
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Yes. I think the very old guy there,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11he was still clapping the guests coming on.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13It's a very interesting point, this,
0:03:13 > 0:03:18because I am quite liberal about language being used
0:03:18 > 0:03:20and changing and all that, but you're quite right,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23There is a specific purpose for "literally" and it is being used badly.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27One of the worst exponents of this is Jamie Redknapp,
0:03:27 > 0:03:31who is famous now for his overuse of "literally"
0:03:31 > 0:03:35and I've got some examples to back up your point.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36For example...
0:03:40 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER
0:03:41 > 0:03:45To be fair to Jamie Redknapp, though, the fact that his dad's dog
0:03:45 > 0:03:47had a bank account might have confused him.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51The richest dog in the world.
0:03:51 > 0:03:56Exactly. Now this one is particularly interesting.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Now, I should point out,
0:04:02 > 0:04:05Peter Schmeichel IS Kasper Schmeichel's father.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10This is one of the few opportunities he had to use "literally" correctly.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Would you say you were a pedantic person when it comes to language?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I'm not overly pedantic. And I'll be honest with you, if you don't put it in Room 101
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I'm not going to lose sleep over it, Frank, but...
0:04:21 > 0:04:24- What, literally? - ..it does bother me.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27OK, so what person winds up Michael?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Luis Suarez.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Yes. Now, in case you're not a football fan, we should point out
0:04:43 > 0:04:47that Luis Suarez is, I think you'd agree, a very fine footballer.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I would say he's one of the best.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54Yes, but he does occasionally bite people.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Well, this is my point.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57In sport, you've got to be a role model.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00There's millions of kids watching you all over the world,
0:05:00 > 0:05:03and your job is to try and send a message through the TV screens
0:05:03 > 0:05:05for those kids to try and follow you.
0:05:05 > 0:05:092010, Luis Suarez took a chunk out of someone's neck playing for Ajax.
0:05:09 > 0:05:122013, he took a chunk out of someone's arm
0:05:12 > 0:05:15playing against Chelsea, and he took it onto the World Cup,
0:05:15 > 0:05:16he had a bite of an Italian.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19I don't mind him biting Italians, to be honest.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- Now, what kind of an example is that to the children watching at home? - LAUGHTER
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Don't you agree, especially as a man who was a captain of a major team,
0:05:28 > 0:05:32that you have to give geniuses a bit of leeway?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36You know, McEnroe, Cantona, Lindsay Lohan...
0:05:37 > 0:05:42But do you know what I mean? Let's say Freddie Flintoff had bitten Shane Warne.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44That would be fine.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46LAUGHTER
0:05:46 > 0:05:49But Michael, is there a thing where sportsmen aren't very clever,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52as in they're not the brightest people in the...
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Not you, but other sportsmen... - I would say you have a point.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59No matter how thick you are as a sportsperson...
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- Yeah. Who's the thickest? - I think you've got to be...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04LAUGHTER
0:06:04 > 0:06:05We're going to be here all night now.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07He's going to reel off a list of thousands.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- It's very difficult, isn't it, to... - To be a sportsman and read a book?
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Yeah... - LAUGHTER
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- I would say that there's one thing being thick...- Mm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20But there's another thing biting someone.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Yeah.- And then doing it a second time and a third time.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Can I read you his statement to FIFA after the World Cup bite?
0:06:27 > 0:06:32He said, "I lost my balance and that destabilised my body
0:06:32 > 0:06:34"and I fell into my opponent.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37"In the moment, my face came into collision with the player, causing
0:06:37 > 0:06:41"a small bruise on my cheekbone and a lot of pain to my teeth."
0:06:42 > 0:06:45It's a bit like when these blokes turn up in A&E and they say,
0:06:45 > 0:06:49"When I flopped down on the sofa I forgot I'd put the cucumber there."
0:06:49 > 0:06:51LAUGHTER
0:06:53 > 0:06:54It's...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57I'd rather he'd have fessed up.
0:06:57 > 0:07:03I mean, I have to say, I don't think it's that bad, the biting thing.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04What?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05BOOING
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Ohh!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12I honestly don't know why there's such a big fuss about it.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Because he...because he assaulted another man in the middle of a game.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19Well, for a start, one point, he's a brilliant player, and...
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Let's put it this way -
0:07:20 > 0:07:24if I thought he'd still got some pace and could organise a back four,
0:07:24 > 0:07:28I would happily have Charles Manson playing for West Bromwich Albion.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Biting someone is not going to change the course of the game.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33He's bitten three people.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38None of them had to leave the pitch. None of them were badly injured...
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I don't see how you can... I mean, this is weird, Frank, you've become weird.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44No! I absolutely...
0:07:44 > 0:07:47I think enormous fuss has been... Let me give you an example.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Michael Vaughan, right?
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Now, you will remember an incident where a batsman complained
0:07:52 > 0:07:56that you'd left some jelly beans on the pitch, do you remember this?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- Absolutely.- It was Zaheer Khan.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01And he said that the England team...
0:08:01 > 0:08:04First of all he said they'd left some jelly beans on the pitch
0:08:04 > 0:08:06to taunt him and that they were
0:08:06 > 0:08:09throwing jelly beans at him during... Sounds fairly minor.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14And then Michael Vaughan, captain of England, says, "We were wrong.
0:08:14 > 0:08:19"Because we were eating jelly beans in order to produce sweet saliva
0:08:19 > 0:08:22"to get the ball to swing." You're not really supposed to do that.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- No, it was... Yeah, we were actually cheating.- OK, you were cheating.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30You own up NOW quickly enough, don't you!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33But what I'm saying is, what you were doing, in my opinion,
0:08:33 > 0:08:36which could genuinely change the result of the game,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38is worse than biting someone.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I think biting jelly beans is worse than biting "human beans".
0:08:41 > 0:08:43LAUGHTER
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- You are so weird right now, it's unbelievable.- No, I...
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I think this, Michael Vaughan,
0:08:49 > 0:08:50is actually worse than this.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52LAUGHTER
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- Give over! - I believe that, seriously.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Apparently Suarez has been sent thousands
0:08:58 > 0:09:02of abusive letters about this, but he's never got them
0:09:02 > 0:09:05because the postman won't go anywhere near his house.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11OK, so what person winds up Sara?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Now, sorry, guys, to make your things look really flippant,
0:09:18 > 0:09:25but I've chosen the Grim Reaper, and that is because I don't want to die.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29People have died before this so that we could evolve,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33so that humanity could improve, but now I am the end of evolution.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37I'm excellent. It's been perfected. Why should I have to go anywhere?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38LAUGHTER
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Well, you know, dying...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I'm a Roman Catholic, so for me it's just like moving house.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I'm not really worried about it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48You don't get to choose where you move to.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Well, no, that's... You do if you live your life correctly.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54LAUGHTER
0:09:54 > 0:09:58The trouble is, if there's no death, where are Oxfam going to get their clothes from?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Don't you think the concept of death is useful to us, even if
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- the actual thought of death itself is rather grim?- OK.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I recently ate too many chips one night,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10and it was a terrible evening. I'd gone out...
0:10:10 > 0:10:12You have a really hard life, don't you?
0:10:12 > 0:10:14LAUGHTER It's a sad story.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I went to get chips for me and the wife, and I was so starving I ate all of mine.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I must have eaten a portion that big of chips.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Then I hate half of my wife's.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23By the time I went to bed, I probably had the size of like a
0:10:23 > 0:10:27large football of largely undigested undercooked potatoes in my stomach.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Woke up in the middle of the night needing to try
0:10:29 > 0:10:31and move this terrible plug. Nothing was happening.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I was sweating, I was moaning, walking up and down.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I was banging my head, trying to put a cold towel on, I was in agony.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Got no sympathy from my wife whatsoever.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44So at that stage, I was longing for the relief that death would bring.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45LAUGHTER
0:10:45 > 0:10:47If death did not exist, even as a concept,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50that would have been an even worse night than it already was.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53But it wasn't death that you needed, it was a bowel movement.
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- LAUGHTER - That's a very fine line, that.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Oh, imagine if I die before this goes out.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Wow.- If you can just smile for a second and stay still,
0:11:04 > 0:11:07then we can use that photo on the end with your dates.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09LAUGHTER
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Let's hope not, though. Let's hope not.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Funerals can be quite creative events though.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20I have some footage of a funeral.
0:11:20 > 0:11:26This was a woman who was a fanatical ten-pin bowler, and her friends
0:11:26 > 0:11:30clubbed together, paid some money and came up with this as a funeral.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36Take these last memories of the opportunity of serving
0:11:36 > 0:11:37your momma down here...
0:11:37 > 0:11:40by pushing her down.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43LAUGHTER
0:11:47 > 0:11:51When I pushed that casket, I just had this fantastic feeling come
0:11:51 > 0:11:55over me, like she was there, just helping me get it down the lane.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59THEY CHEER
0:12:03 > 0:12:04That's ridiculous.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- What if she got lost down the back, like the ball does sometimes? - LAUGHTER
0:12:09 > 0:12:13There's another on this same theme. This is a guy who...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Obviously the deaths of these people are tragic,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19but the funerals have a light-hearted side.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20This is a bloke, and his great love -
0:12:20 > 0:12:23again this is an American thing, unsurprisingly,
0:12:23 > 0:12:27this is just the picture - his great love was breakfast, that's what
0:12:27 > 0:12:31he lived for, was to get up and have a big breakfast in the morning.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34This was the themed funeral that they genuinely went for.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36LAUGHTER
0:12:39 > 0:12:42What I love about that is the man who represents bacon...
0:12:42 > 0:12:44LAUGHTER
0:12:44 > 0:12:47..had thought, "I think I'll wear shades for this.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50"Otherwise it might look ridiculous."
0:12:51 > 0:12:53OK, so now we come to the end...
0:12:53 > 0:12:59Well, I do worry about getting rid of death, because I think
0:12:59 > 0:13:04there might come a time when I'm really looking forward to it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08Suarez, I think is one of the great players in the world...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11BOOING
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- ..and I'm not going to let the bigotry of the audience... - LAUGHTER
0:13:14 > 0:13:18But I do think we have to be very careful about this wonderful English
0:13:18 > 0:13:21language that we all share, and we need to protect it and cosset it.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25So I am going to put, literally, people who use the word
0:13:25 > 0:13:27"literally" into Room 101.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29APPLAUSE
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Next category, please.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46It's Food & Drink.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50So what doesn't Michael like about food and drink?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Pick 'n' Mix.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- BOOING - What a good response.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01What? Are you insane?
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- The crowd aren't disapproving, they're shocked.- No, listen. I love sweets...
0:14:05 > 0:14:07I know that. Especially jelly beans.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:11..but I hate the fact that I go to a service station
0:14:11 > 0:14:14or a sweet shop with my three kids, and when I was growing up there was
0:14:14 > 0:14:17penny sweets, two-penny sweets, and you knew exactly
0:14:17 > 0:14:20what you were getting, and what you were paying for it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24You go with your kids, and you're trying to direct them to the
0:14:24 > 0:14:27light sweets, because they put them on that weighing scale...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and it's going to be cheaper.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32And they go straight for the gobstopper, or the massive
0:14:32 > 0:14:35cola bottles, which I'm pretty sure are now made out of lead.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39So my point is, wherever there's Pick 'n' Mix,
0:14:39 > 0:14:43you go to get ten cola bottles and it comes out at £4.86,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46where really it should be 30p, like the old days.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49There used to be a tradition, didn't there,
0:14:49 > 0:14:51of the tight-fisted Yorkshireman?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53LAUGHTER
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Obviously that was inaccurate.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58There are very few items in the Pick 'n' Mix
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I don't enjoy wholeheartedly, although I did once
0:15:00 > 0:15:03go a bit crazy on the fudge, and I ate so much I started crying.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04LAUGHTER
0:15:04 > 0:15:07I had a weird emotional response.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10I was sitting in a movie and I ate loads of fudge
0:15:10 > 0:15:11and they'd run out of the stuff I wanted.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14You know when you fill up the big carton? You get a carton.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- What did it cost you?- About £25.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18LAUGHTER
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I really, really, really like the sponge prawns.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- Oh, God, you've all got awful taste in sweets.- No, they're the best.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- They're called a foam prawn, aren't they?- Shrimps.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- These are the ones I'm talking about.- Yeah. Foam prawn.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Foam prawn. It's also if you have a child that loses an ear.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36LAUGHTER
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Be no good if the child was Martin Clunes, though, would it?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Then you could use the sponge banana.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47- Milk teeth - you know the famous milk teeth...?- Yeah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Nice.- You can now get...
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- I know.- ..the toothbrushes to go with it, so you can...
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- It's all incredibly ironic.- Yeah.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Ironic that they would dare bring up dental health in the midst of a Pick 'n' Mix.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02That's how safe they feel!
0:16:02 > 0:16:04No, I think it's a beautiful thing
0:16:04 > 0:16:08and I'm happy to pay through the nose for it, I must say.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I had a terrible thing recently
0:16:11 > 0:16:14when I realised that maybe I'm not the romantic I used to be.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17I ate a whole packet of Love Hearts
0:16:17 > 0:16:21and I realised I hadn't read any of them.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22LAUGHTER
0:16:24 > 0:16:28I don't understand this one - these are German,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30and they're called "cats' tongues".
0:16:30 > 0:16:31- Katzenzungen.- Awww!
0:16:31 > 0:16:34And I thought, "Oh, these'll be like cats' tongues."
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Yeah.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37There they are.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39LAUGHTER
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Is that what cats' tongues look like?
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- Is it kind of... Cos cats' tongues are kind of rough, aren't they?- Very rough.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- I really want to eat that right now. - Yeah.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51It's chocolate.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Don't cry...- Good catch.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Look and learn. APPLAUSE
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I've got a little chocolate furball forming at the back now.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04LAUGHTER
0:17:07 > 0:17:12- Very good furball impression - you studied this, I can tell. - That's all I do these days.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15So what doesn't Sara like about food and drink?
0:17:18 > 0:17:23My one is stupid things that are said to vegetarians.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I've been vegetarian since I was seven.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I'm now vegan, because I'm fun-time, but people ask what you miss,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32and, "How do you get your protein?"
0:17:32 > 0:17:36And then, "You know we're supposed to eat meat?"
0:17:36 > 0:17:39like they've thought about it for longer than I have.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43"Oh, yeah? Really? Tell me more about this new theory you've got."
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I'm going to be totally honest, I had never really given this a great deal of thought...
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Oh, really?
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Until... I have a child, he was two, and I took him to this place,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57the City Farm, which is a little farm in the middle of London.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59And he was playing with the chickens,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02and they were doing that dust bath thing that chickens do
0:18:02 > 0:18:04and he was really laughing and loving it.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08And we got back home, and we put his lunch together
0:18:08 > 0:18:10and I said, "Here you are, here's some chicken" -
0:18:10 > 0:18:12and he looked at me...
0:18:12 > 0:18:14And I sensed he was thinking,
0:18:14 > 0:18:20"This better not be the same as those things you were encouraging me to like earlier."
0:18:20 > 0:18:24And it's one of the first times I've felt really bad about it.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27- Yeah.- Not that I want to stop him eating chicken,
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I just wish people would come up with another name for the meat...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31LAUGHTER
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Like they have with pork and beef.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37It's so hard when you're abroad. I went to Norway do some gigs and they had said,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41"In Stavanger it's quite difficult, but there's one vegetarian restaurant."
0:18:41 > 0:18:43So I went to the vegetarian restaurant
0:18:43 > 0:18:48- and ordered a vegetarian salad, and it came with a beefburger on it. - LAUGHTER
0:18:48 > 0:18:50But don't you miss beefburgers? LAUGHTER
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh, this is the other thing people'll say.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56They think they can catch you out with a moral thing, they go,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59"What about if I said I was going to kill a chicken unless you ate this chicken?"
0:18:59 > 0:19:00"Ah...
0:19:00 > 0:19:02"I'd call the police."
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- But we were hunter-gatherers, weren't we?- Yeah.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Well, we were gatherers first, and then we became...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12But hunter-gatherers - hunter gets top billing.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14THEY LAUGH
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Yeah, like Baddiel and Skinner.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:21 > 0:19:24- Doesn't necessarily mean anything, Frank.- No.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27But when you see drawings on cave walls, they're never gathering.
0:19:27 > 0:19:32- No.- You don't get drawings of people walking round like that...
0:19:33 > 0:19:37One thing I sympathise for you is, I no longer drink alcohol
0:19:37 > 0:19:41because of er... I think the term is "alcoholism".
0:19:41 > 0:19:43LAUGHTER
0:19:43 > 0:19:47I went into a wine merchant's with a woman I was going out with
0:19:47 > 0:19:49at the time, and she was trying to buy a really nice
0:19:49 > 0:19:52bottle of wine for a friend, and this guy said to me, "Try this wine,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55"it's absolutely beautiful." And I said, "I won't, thank you."
0:19:55 > 0:19:57He said, "It really is absolutely beautiful."
0:19:57 > 0:20:01I said, "I really won't." He said, "Honestly, I insist you try this,"
0:20:01 > 0:20:03and I thought, "I'm going to have to say it."
0:20:03 > 0:20:05And I said, "Look, sorry, I'm an alcoholic."
0:20:05 > 0:20:07And he said, "Maybe a sparkling wine?"
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- LAUGHTER - Yeah.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14So I have a certain sympathy, I must say.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19What about this idea that vegetables have feelings too?
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I have some photographic evidence
0:20:21 > 0:20:23which suggests that vegetables might be living creatures.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Look at this. This is the hip-hop carrot.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Wow. LAUGHTER
0:20:28 > 0:20:30The louche parsnip.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Oh, he's lovely.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35And the runaway radish.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Aww...!
0:20:38 > 0:20:42OK, then. What doesn't Jonathan like about food and drink?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52The snail. I do not enjoy eating the snail.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55You know no-one really likes it, because when it's served...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58How many people here have actually eaten snail?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Quite a few. OK. How many people LIKE eating snail?
0:21:02 > 0:21:03LAUGHTER
0:21:03 > 0:21:04- You enjoy snail?- Yeah.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07When I had snail, it was so covered in butter and garlic,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10that it might as well have been a mushroom in there, frankly.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11It really wasn't the snail you were eating
0:21:11 > 0:21:14because you didn't taste anything. You were eating it...
0:21:14 > 0:21:17And I can understand maybe way back in time when, you know,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20we WERE hunter-gatherers, obviously it's an easier thing to catch than
0:21:20 > 0:21:23many of the animals running around, so you can see why it would have
0:21:23 > 0:21:27been a dinner of hazelnut and snail, because boom, boom, boom, boom.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28But it's not a tasty dish.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32And - just look at it. It's bloody disgusting.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Eurrgh, a big slimy...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37I don't even want to know what that...stuff is coming out -
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I don't even want to know where it comes OUT of.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41All over the path. And at night when you go out -
0:21:41 > 0:21:43I go into the garden at night sometimes to take
0:21:43 > 0:21:46the dogs out in the evening, and sometimes I do a wee in the garden,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49I don't mind admitting that, to encourage the dogs to join me.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50LAUGHTER
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I'm the leader of the pack.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54So I'm out in the garden... Right?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56So I'm probably not wearing much.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59You walk out, and you're barefoot - you tread on a snail at night,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02it's a horrible feeling. Crunch, then...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I really don't want to eat it.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06So I don't like being given snails to eat.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I don't really like snails. And I'm not squeamish about weird food.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I like an oyster. Oh, I love an oyster.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Oh, I don't. I think it's like licking phlegm off a tortoise.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Maybe I don't like them as much as I used to, but...
0:22:23 > 0:22:25LAUGHTER
0:22:25 > 0:22:26In terms of all the innards bits,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29any time meat is not in the shape that you cut it...
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I don't mind that. I know when I'm eating hot dogs I'm probably eating
0:22:32 > 0:22:35the foreskin of a cow, and that's fine.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- I think a cow is female.- Is it? OK.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39LAUGHTER
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Well, they do a lot of stuff with genetics these days with animals.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47I like... There's something exciting and different about it.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I like the accoutrements, I like the little forks.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Have you ever seen these?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56No, I don't believe. Aren't they haberdashers' scissors?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- These are grape scissors.- Wow.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00What?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03So you do this thing where when you want a bunch of grapes,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06you don't want to take off the whole bunch so you use them to
0:23:06 > 0:23:08just cut a small section.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Why wouldn't you use normal scissors?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14What's the difference between the normal scissors?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16- They've got grapes on the handles. - You know what they're for.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20If you take those out when you're watching West Brom at the weekend...
0:23:20 > 0:23:22LAUGHTER
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Referee, throw us a snail.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I'm a bit peckish.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30You know how when someone has got a particular problem, they wear,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33like, a bracelet or a necklace so the ambulance driver knows?
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Yeah, like an allergy.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- You need a laminated thing in all your dinner jackets...- "No snails."
0:23:37 > 0:23:40The whole instructions, just why you don't like them,
0:23:40 > 0:23:41all of your thoughts and feelings.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Just show it to the manager or the waitress.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47That is a feminine approach, to say, "All your thoughts and feelings."
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I don't think I need all my thoughts and feelings on the card.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52OK. You're the one eating fudge and crying, mate,
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- before you make any comments about gender. - APPLAUSE
0:23:55 > 0:23:57I'm not ashamed of crying over fudge.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Well, we come to the end of that round.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I'm not going to put snails in, because it is the closest
0:24:05 > 0:24:10I get to sophistication, and I do have a soft spot for them.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14They're like little foreign tourists with their backpacks.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Pick 'n' Mix, I would pay twice as much.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20It's such a joyous, exciting,
0:24:20 > 0:24:23'who knows what's round the corner?' experience.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26But I sympathise and empathise with...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28I think it's hard enough being a vegetarian
0:24:28 > 0:24:30without people asking stupid questions.
0:24:30 > 0:24:34So I'm going to put stupid things that people say to
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- vegetarians into Room 101. - Yeah! Yeah!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38APPLAUSE
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Thank you. Yeah.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Good call. Well argued.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Right, let's have our next category, please.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57It's the Wildcard. There's no restraints.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00You can pick anything at all that you don't like.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01What is Sara's wild card?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08LAUGHTER
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Right. I have picked time as my wild card.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I'm getting rid of time.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Can we say, this is Old Father Time.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16We just put a watch on the Grim Reaper.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Oh, I see. I didn't even see the watch. Yeah.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Well, yeah. I just think we should get rid of time.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I think we should do things when we want to do things.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28I think... I don't like having to go out for people's birthdays.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32Sometimes I really feel like going out two days before that and nothing
0:25:32 > 0:25:34is going on, and then on their birthday I don't want to go out.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I want to get up when I've finished sleeping.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I want to go to bed when I want to sleep.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I think we should all go to work for as long as it takes to
0:25:41 > 0:25:43do our work, and when our work's finished we can leave.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46You're describing my son, who's a student.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47That's his life right there.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50How would you have known what time to be here today?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I did think about that.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57Someone would have rung up and gone, "Would you like to come on Room 101?"
0:25:57 > 0:25:58I'd say yes.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02That would have been the end of the conversation because
0:26:02 > 0:26:06I couldn't ask when because there's no time and they couldn't tell me when.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08So I'd just have to come here one day
0:26:08 > 0:26:11with a little collection of props I've made myself
0:26:11 > 0:26:13and just chuck 'em down.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17I can't help but think you're losing faith in this.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20No, I live my life by these rules.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24How would... How would it affect other people, though?
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Because if we all operate on different times...
0:26:27 > 0:26:29First of all, it would be chaotic.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32So, for instance, you want to go somewhere.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35You decide you do want to go somewhere, and the bus driver,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37there's no timetable.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40He or she drives along, at some point,
0:26:40 > 0:26:42because they have to do their job to get paid.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45So you might be waiting there for quite a long time.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47It might be frustrating, but eventually I think we'd all
0:26:47 > 0:26:50relax about these constraints and realise actually life is
0:26:50 > 0:26:52happening all the time, whether I'm waiting for a bus or not.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Enjoy the journey, guys.- Have you ever been on holiday to Jamaica?
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- No.- Very similar approach there.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I waited two days for a bus out there.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03You're quite right about it being arbitrary.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07During the French Revolution, they brought in metric time.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11There was ten metric hours in a day.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14100 metric minutes in a metric hour
0:27:14 > 0:27:17and 100 metric seconds in a metric minute
0:27:17 > 0:27:19and ten days in a metric week.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- They just decided that that was that.- Crazy.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26You can actually buy... This is a metric clock.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30A great thing to have hanging up at home because people take a bit of time to work out
0:27:30 > 0:27:32what the hell's weird about it.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33I love it.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36Not in your house. You're sitting there eating snails,
0:27:36 > 0:27:38watching Suarez bite your kids.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40"This is the life."
0:27:42 > 0:27:45The thing is with time, is that we could...we can deny it,
0:27:45 > 0:27:49but eventually we age and become older.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51- It beats us, doesn't it? - Well, we won't know, because...
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- Oh, you'll know.- ..you've decided when your birthdays are.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Believe me, you'll know. I had a situation two weeks ago.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02I couldn't remember the name of a West Bromwich Albion player,
0:28:02 > 0:28:06a main player in the team, who I've seen play many times.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07So I spent two hours, and I got it.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12I got it and I remembered, and I was telling someone this story two
0:28:12 > 0:28:16days later, and I couldn't remember which player I couldn't remember.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18LAUGHTER
0:28:18 > 0:28:21OK, what is Jonathan's wild card?
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Boom. My wild card is, and this seems to be a growing trend.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32It annoys me every time I see it, is when they have commercials,
0:28:32 > 0:28:35or you see posters, and they're using dead celebrities -
0:28:35 > 0:28:38who clearly can't give their consent - to advertise stuff.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40I hate it.
0:28:40 > 0:28:43There's an online shopping store where you can buy clothes,
0:28:43 > 0:28:45quite expensive men's designer clothes.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Their new advert is Frank Sinatra coming off a private jet,
0:28:48 > 0:28:50and Frank Sinatra looked great, didn't he?
0:28:50 > 0:28:53Very few people have ever looked as good as Frank Sinatra,
0:28:53 > 0:28:56but he's carrying a shopping bag with the name of this thing on.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Admittedly, it is a service that maybe he would use,
0:28:59 > 0:29:02it's not like he's carrying a Lidl or Aldi bag,
0:29:02 > 0:29:05so it's somewhere he might have gone if he were still alive,
0:29:05 > 0:29:08but he isn't and he hasn't given his permission.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10There's the advert selling chocolate, which,
0:29:10 > 0:29:13it looks like Audrey Hepburn in the advert.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15It's an incredible feat of technology, and
0:29:15 > 0:29:18I admire the people doing it for the skill they're putting into it, but
0:29:18 > 0:29:20it looks like Audrey Hepburn in some beautiful sort of Italian
0:29:20 > 0:29:24fishing village, missing a bus, and it's all to sell a chocolate bar.
0:29:24 > 0:29:25We have that. Would you like to...?
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Well, no, I clearly don't want to see it.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Why are you rubbing my face in it? What's wrong with you, Frank?
0:29:30 > 0:29:32- Just to illustrate.- OK, let's do that. An aide-memoire.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35Can I say, one thing I've noticed about this Audrey Hepburn,
0:29:35 > 0:29:39is Audrey Hepburn, when she eats chocolate, she doesn't chew.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40She swallows it like a lozenge.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42LAUGHTER
0:29:42 > 0:29:46Gone. Weird. Anyway, here's Audrey enjoying a bit of choc.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49MUSIC: Moon River
0:30:06 > 0:30:09LAUGHTER
0:30:09 > 0:30:11- Like a lizard. She just swallowed it.- Yeah.
0:30:11 > 0:30:13But, you know, it is an incredible feat.
0:30:13 > 0:30:16What worries me is they might start doing movies this way as well.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19And you think, OK, obviously a lot of what actors choose
0:30:19 > 0:30:21a part for is, you know, they're doing it...it's their living.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24But they choose films because it's something they want to do, whether
0:30:24 > 0:30:27they want the challenge, or they want to be in that particular movie.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Sometimes it's just for cash.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32I mean, Michael Caine famously did Jaws IV, and when critics
0:30:32 > 0:30:34afterwards said it was a terrible movie,
0:30:34 > 0:30:36he said, "Well, I've never seen the film, but I've seen the house
0:30:36 > 0:30:39"that I bought with the money, and that's marvellous."
0:30:39 > 0:30:40LAUGHTER
0:30:40 > 0:30:43But here's the thing. That was his choice, you know.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46No, I can see that it's morally...
0:30:46 > 0:30:50I mean, I've heard that they've got Churchill now advertising insurance.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53LAUGHTER
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Don't encourage him any more.
0:30:55 > 0:31:00I did a voiceover when I first started in which I had to say,
0:31:00 > 0:31:04"Don't know where to start? Exchange and Mart."
0:31:04 > 0:31:06This advertising exec comes round and said,
0:31:06 > 0:31:09"You need more passion in this.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11"You're really angry. Remember that you know
0:31:11 > 0:31:14"about Exchange and Mart, these people don't.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16"I want to hear that anger in your voice."
0:31:16 > 0:31:19So I said, "Don't know where to start?! Exchange and Mart!"
0:31:19 > 0:31:23He said, "I think you can give it a bit more." By the end I'm going,
0:31:23 > 0:31:27"You don't know where to start?! What's the matter with you people?!"
0:31:27 > 0:31:31I found out the next advert he did was for British Telecom
0:31:31 > 0:31:34in which the voiceover was done by Professor Stephen Hawking.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37How did that work?
0:31:37 > 0:31:39Was he saying, "A little bit louder.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41"Try block capitals."
0:31:41 > 0:31:42LAUGHTER
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- Well, let me... Just to lighten things a bit.- Yeah.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49This is an advert with a living...
0:31:49 > 0:31:54she was living, and this is Doris Day advertising steam rollers.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56LAUGHTER
0:31:56 > 0:31:58That's brilliant, isn't it?
0:31:58 > 0:32:01And can I read you some of the text on this?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04"When Doris Day needs road rolling equipment, you can
0:32:04 > 0:32:08"bet she's going to turn to a name she's known and trusted for years."
0:32:10 > 0:32:14"The Series 56 is available with both manual and power steering
0:32:14 > 0:32:18"which is gonna thrill a slip of a gal like Doris."
0:32:19 > 0:32:22It's a bit worrying that it's got a lamp on the front.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25How much steam rolling do you do at night?
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Surely that's asking for trouble.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29That's when she's after snails.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31But I do like the look of that vehicle.
0:32:31 > 0:32:32Listen to this.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34"No, Doris, there isn't a vanity mirror,
0:32:34 > 0:32:38"but the International Series 56 will have your tarmac
0:32:38 > 0:32:42"compressed in time for you to stop off at the beauty salon to
0:32:42 > 0:32:45"have your hair done and cook a tasty dinner for your husband."
0:32:45 > 0:32:48LAUGHTER
0:32:48 > 0:32:51OK, let's have a look at Michael's wild card.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56- Miming.- Mmm.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59Singers that mime.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02We, as a family, I don't know if you're all like our sad family,
0:33:02 > 0:33:04- on a Saturday night, the other channel...- Yeah.
0:33:04 > 0:33:08We sit around and watch the show, and there's four judges,
0:33:08 > 0:33:12and they judge shop workers, fishmongers,
0:33:12 > 0:33:15- who sing live in front of 12 million people.- Mmm.
0:33:15 > 0:33:17And then Dermot O'Reilly comes onstage
0:33:17 > 0:33:22- and introduces a world famous... - "Dermot O'Reilly?" Are you miming?
0:33:22 > 0:33:26It's got a very camp thing, isn't it? Dermot? Oh, really?
0:33:26 > 0:33:28LAUGHTER
0:33:29 > 0:33:33He comes onstage and he introduces a megastar,
0:33:33 > 0:33:36sold three billion albums worldwide,
0:33:36 > 0:33:39and then they go and mime onstage in front of the four judges.
0:33:39 > 0:33:43And I just watch it and go, what other jobs in the world can
0:33:43 > 0:33:47you actually get paid thousands, yet you can mime doing it?
0:33:47 > 0:33:50So I'm getting rid of miming singers. Do your job.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Get on the mic and sing.
0:33:52 > 0:33:54- That's a very good point.- Mmm.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57I know Margaret Thatcher hated it as...
0:33:59 > 0:34:00No, that was mining.
0:34:00 > 0:34:04LAUGHTER
0:34:04 > 0:34:06APPLAUSE
0:34:08 > 0:34:10I just can't understand that...
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Is there any other job that you can think of
0:34:12 > 0:34:14where someone could just press play?
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Autopilot.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17There's one.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20Disc jockey. Loads.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22There's loads, yeah. There's millions.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24LAUGHTER
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Have you ever done that thing when you just get an edge off the bat
0:34:26 > 0:34:30and then you do that, pretending it's hit you on the arm?
0:34:30 > 0:34:32- Yes.- That's miming.
0:34:32 > 0:34:33LAUGHTER
0:34:33 > 0:34:34That's cheating.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38How are you with animals miming?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I've never met one.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41Well, I'm going to...
0:34:41 > 0:34:43This is a cat.
0:34:43 > 0:34:47And can I say, this isn't computer-messed-about-with.
0:34:47 > 0:34:48What the guy is doing,
0:34:48 > 0:34:52he's just sticking his finger in the tickly bit on a cat's ribcage,
0:34:52 > 0:34:56and this what can be produced with that technique.
0:34:56 > 0:35:00# Just take those old records off the shelf
0:35:00 > 0:35:04# I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself
0:35:04 > 0:35:08# Today's music ain't got the same soul
0:35:08 > 0:35:11# I like that old time rock and roll. #
0:35:11 > 0:35:13Ah, lovely cat.
0:35:17 > 0:35:18Kind of looks like it's enjoying it.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21Don't you think he looks like he's enjoying the attention?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24He does. I worry about the thick bandana.
0:35:26 > 0:35:29It makes me worry that they might have grafted a cat's head
0:35:29 > 0:35:31onto a speaker.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34We ought to even things up a bit.
0:35:34 > 0:35:38So this is a woman playing her dog as if it were a banjo.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41BANJO MUSIC PLAYS
0:35:41 > 0:35:42That's a teddy, isn't it?
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Look at his little legs going.
0:35:44 > 0:35:46He loves it.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49There's another one under the chair. "When's it going to be my turn?"
0:35:49 > 0:35:50He's getting left out.
0:35:53 > 0:35:54Aah!
0:35:54 > 0:35:58You've got his pal under the chair saying,
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- "When is it my go?" - She plays him like the drums.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Yeah, I was hoping Pete Townsend would come in, do a bit
0:36:04 > 0:36:06and then smash it up against the speaker.
0:36:08 > 0:36:13Here's a bit of miming you might find interesting, Michael.
0:36:13 > 0:36:18This is a karaokimal, which is a terrible piece of compound wording
0:36:18 > 0:36:22which means the karaoke animal.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24Here he is.
0:36:26 > 0:36:27He looks like Suarez.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29LAUGHTER
0:36:31 > 0:36:35You plug him into whatever you keep your sounds on
0:36:35 > 0:36:38and he will sing along. Let me give you an example.
0:36:38 > 0:36:46# Oh my-y love... #
0:36:46 > 0:36:47You get the picture.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51It also responds to your actual voice.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53He could actually host this show...
0:36:55 > 0:36:57..if I didn't make it one week.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00So let's try this.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04Well done, Jonathan and Sara, with your choices,
0:37:04 > 0:37:10but I'm going to put miming into Room 101.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12APPLAUSE
0:37:14 > 0:37:18SPEECH OBSCURED BY APPLAUSE
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Yeah, me too. I thought that too.
0:37:23 > 0:37:26And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:37:26 > 0:37:29Well done, Jonathan, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:37:29 > 0:37:31- so you are this week's winner. - Oh, thank you.
0:37:31 > 0:37:35APPLAUSE
0:37:35 > 0:37:38Thanks very much to Jonathan Ross, Michael Vaughan
0:37:38 > 0:37:41and Sara Pascoe, and thank you, good night.