0:00:20 > 0:00:22APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101 -
0:00:36 > 0:00:39the show where three guests explain what really winds them up,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41in the hope that I'll condemn said things
0:00:41 > 0:00:44to the grim environs of Room 101.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories,
0:00:47 > 0:00:49and in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Joining me tonight are comedian Bob Mortimer, Countdown's Rachel Riley
0:00:56 > 0:00:59and Mrs Brown herself, Brendan O'Carroll.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Right, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19It's People. So, Brendan, what kind of people doesn't HE like?
0:01:26 > 0:01:31People who don't know how to use their mobile phone.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35People who say they want the most modern mobile phone,
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- but haven't a clue how to use it. - Mm.- Basically taking photographs.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Because they come up after a show or in the street and they go,
0:01:43 > 0:01:48"You're her, aren't you?" And they say the most bizarre things.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51They say things like, "You've got a moustache."
0:01:53 > 0:01:54"Yes."
0:01:54 > 0:01:57"What do you do with the moustache when you're playing Mrs Brown?"
0:01:57 > 0:01:59"I keep it in my pocket."
0:02:01 > 0:02:03"Why don't you leave the moustache on?"
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I say, "Because then I'll look like my mother."
0:02:09 > 0:02:12What it is is, the first thing they'll say is, "Do you mind
0:02:12 > 0:02:15"if I get a photograph?" No problem, I love getting photographs taken.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I was ignored for 25 years, so I love being noticed.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20So I go, "Yes, sure."
0:02:20 > 0:02:23And I stand with him and I stand with him,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26and she goes, "I don't know how to work this."
0:02:26 > 0:02:27And you're there, going...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32He's now nervous, so he's starting to smell a bit sweaty.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Then, you realise he hasn't brushed his teeth, when he goes,
0:02:36 > 0:02:41"She's funny, isn't she?" And then it's, click, and then she says,
0:02:41 > 0:02:44"Wait till I check I got it." You see two pairs of legs. His and mine.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47So, it's people who get the latest gadgets
0:02:47 > 0:02:49and just don't know how to use them.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53That thing with having your photo taken,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I think I got repetitive strain injury,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59honestly, from standing like that with people.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I had a pain in my shoulder and I worked it out,
0:03:02 > 0:03:03it was from standing like that.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Interestingly, it got better as I got less popular.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Have you had the exuberant fan - who I absolutely love -
0:03:13 > 0:03:16but the exuberant fan who comes up with a mobile, and you get ready,
0:03:16 > 0:03:19and they go, "No, I have my mother on the phone, can you say hello?"
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Oh, yes.- And I go, "Really?"
0:03:22 > 0:03:24"Yes. As Mrs Brown."
0:03:27 > 0:03:29"Hello."
0:03:29 > 0:03:31"Who is this?!"
0:03:31 > 0:03:32"Hello, it's Mrs Brown."
0:03:32 > 0:03:34"Who?"
0:03:35 > 0:03:38"Mrs Brown, TV show, Mrs Brown's Boys." "Who?"
0:03:39 > 0:03:41"Hold on, I'll put him back on. Here."
0:03:41 > 0:03:44"She loves you. She loves you."
0:03:44 > 0:03:47There is a lovely boy that comes into Countdown, called Caleb,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49and he has been coming since he was about 14.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I think he has just turned 21 and he gets a photo with me every time
0:03:52 > 0:03:56and his dad prints it into a T-shirt and, then, every time he comes back,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58he wears the T-shirt. Then, they take another photo
0:03:58 > 0:04:00and then he gets that made into a T-shirt.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- It's T-shirt inside T-shirt inside T-shirt.- Is he a cute stalker?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07He is not! No, no, no! He is not a stalker. Just a big Countdown fan.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- And he's lovely. - It can only end in an injunction.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I was once a mascot at a football match.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18It was West Brom versus Norwich. And I said, "I'll do it,
0:04:18 > 0:04:23"but I don't want anyone to know I'm in the mascot's suit."
0:04:23 > 0:04:25And when you walk round the pitch, all the kids want their photo took
0:04:25 > 0:04:29with the mascot, so I spent 20 minutes doing this...
0:04:31 > 0:04:34..before I remembered that you don't have to smile.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41And the sheer joy of having your photo took with someone like that...
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I can understand the lure of the burka.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51So, West Brom were playing Norwich?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- They were, on that occasion. - So, who was there?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:04:59 > 0:05:03I used to tell a story about West Brom, slagging them off.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06I used to say that I used to go to West Brom games when I was a kid
0:05:06 > 0:05:10and I was caught getting over the wall once and a policeman caught me
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and said, "Get back in there and watch that match."
0:05:15 > 0:05:19Brendan...I started off loving you.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- I'm a Birmingham City boy, I'm sorry.- OK. Could tell by the accent.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Can I show you? This is a thing
0:05:28 > 0:05:32that a guy called Dominic Wilcox invented,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34and it's for when you're on...
0:05:34 > 0:05:40So this is, this is a stylus, a nasal stylus.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47So you can do something... You can operate...
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Why can't the user use their hands? What situation is it covering?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Well, you might be in the bath, is one example that he gives.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59So you might want to hold... You might want to hold it and have a...
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- What, hold your...?! - LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I worked on The Gadget Show and we did see a lot of crap gadgets,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09but that has got to be top of the list.
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Oh, you can't say that.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- A man has strived to invent that. It does work...- For who?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Well, it does change...
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Shall we do a straw poll? Anyone in the audience want that?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21AUDIENCE: No!
0:06:21 > 0:06:22There is a very good chance
0:06:22 > 0:06:25that the person who does really need it won't be putting their hand up.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I don't think we can top that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38Let's see what winds up Bob about people.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I'd like to apply for entry for people,
0:06:44 > 0:06:49namely shop assistants, who give you the receipt on the bottom
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and then put the money on top of the receipt.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56When you're doing the cash-till ballet and doing everything,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58and you're left with a wallet in one hand,
0:06:58 > 0:07:03and really nowhere to go from there, but a world of frustration.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06That is annoying, I must say.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Well, it's not... I've lost faith in it, very suddenly, but...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I have to agree, I find that really frustrating,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17when you end up with this bundle of coins
0:07:17 > 0:07:20wrapped in a receipt in your pocket...
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Yes, that's all you can do, Brendan. You just have to crush it.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- Crush it and bear...- And weep.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28And then, because you've done the crush, and in your pocket,
0:07:28 > 0:07:30cos your wallet is in the other hand,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33you can't then just dispose of it in the bin outside,
0:07:33 > 0:07:36because you'd be throwing all your cash in, as well.
0:07:36 > 0:07:37You've got to unwrap it.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40You've got to unwrap it, yeah, you know, like...
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Life is so hard(!)
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Have you ever..? My sons like to do it. Have you ever gone round
0:07:47 > 0:07:51the supermarket and found the biggest detergent that you can find
0:07:51 > 0:07:54and put it into someone else's trolley?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58It's quite satisfying.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I love that you have got time to do that, but not time to stop and say,
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- "I don't want the receipt." - Behind this, Rachel, is that you
0:08:07 > 0:08:12- are causing queue frustration, as well, which is awful.- Oh, yeah.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I cause my wife amazing frustration when shopping,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17because I'm a bit OCD about shopping.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21You see, there is a certain way that the groceries go into cupboards.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24So because they go in in a particular way,
0:08:24 > 0:08:27they should be packed in the bags in a particular way.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30So, what she often does is she'll go round with a few bits of stuff
0:08:30 > 0:08:33and when she sees I'm not looking, just dumps them into the cart
0:08:33 > 0:08:35and waits for me to come back - "Argh!"
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Or the Boy Scouts. God love them, I'm sure they're well meaning,
0:08:39 > 0:08:41but they often pack bags.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44And I'm there sweating and crying.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I want to go, "There's a tenner, please go away."
0:08:50 > 0:08:52"No, the bread doesn't go in with the bleach!"
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Also, that thing when someone's forgot something
0:08:58 > 0:09:01and they're allowed to go and shop again.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07I was there with one woman who said, "Oh, I meant to get gravy granules."
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Well, you can live a life full of regret or you can move on.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15The woman said, "Can I just...?" The woman said yes.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18So, she went off to get the gravy.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I'm waiting, you know, infuriated.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25She came back. She'd got Ryvita, as well.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28That is awful!
0:09:28 > 0:09:32I would not have had the GALL to come back with an extra thing.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Mind you, you wouldn't eat a Ryvita without gravy granules, would you?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39This is, I think,
0:09:39 > 0:09:42the best-ever thing I've ever seen in a supermarket.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Get a load of this.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47See what it says there?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- That's a genuine... - Is that for the teachers?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Back to school. OK, then.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00What kind of people wind up Rachel Riley?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Rachel, you've gone too far this time.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10This, kind of, demonstrates it, but people who think
0:10:10 > 0:10:12they're more important than they are,
0:10:12 > 0:10:14just because they wear a uniform.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Ah, I see.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- So it's not the Village People themselves.- No, no.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Kind of going back to supermarkets, actually,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23because my hatred of, kind of, like, the bouncer syndrome,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26is what I call it, started in a supermarket,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28because I was with my then boyfriend, who was 26,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I was 23, my little brother was 21
0:10:30 > 0:10:32and we were buying all of our shopping
0:10:32 > 0:10:35and a four-pack of beer, and they said,
0:10:35 > 0:10:38"There's a new law coming in, so we need all of your group to have ID."
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I had my ID. I was 23.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43My boyfriend was 26, he had his, and my brother, who was 21,
0:10:43 > 0:10:466ft tall, covered in tattoos, looks old enough, didn't have any ID.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48So, they said, "Well, we're not serving you."
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I didn't buy any of the shopping in the end, but because I got
0:10:51 > 0:10:53so annoyed about it, my family and friends started sending me
0:10:53 > 0:10:56stories from the papers of similar things that had happened.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58So, erm... There was another supermarket
0:10:58 > 0:11:01where a grandma was refused knitting needles
0:11:01 > 0:11:03because she didn't have ID.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04There was another old lady...
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Apparently in this, like, certain town there was a spate
0:11:06 > 0:11:08of lemon-related crime,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- and this woman was trying to buy a bag of lemons.- Lemon?
0:11:11 > 0:11:16Lemons. And she was trying to buy a bag, but they had a two-lemon limit,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18so they wouldn't let this old lady buy lemons.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22There was another thing with, um, spoons.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Someone couldn't buy spoons cos they didn't have any ID,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27because it's drug-related paraphernalia.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I don't know how old you have to be to buy drugs.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32The heroin is easy to get, but the spoon...
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Don't talk to me!
0:11:35 > 0:11:38They just kind of have a trumped-up sense of power because they're in...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40They're not in a position of power.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I think uniforms should be, you know, people who are respected,
0:11:42 > 0:11:46like police, firefighters and medical people.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Oh, listen, if you give somebody an armband...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53A steward. Good luck.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Oh, sorry, I thought you meant the Nazis.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Same thing!- They got very officious, didn't they?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Rachel, we've got to ask - lemon-related crime?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I don't know, but I just got irrationally so angry about it that
0:12:08 > 0:12:11everyone sent to me all these ridiculous stories
0:12:11 > 0:12:13of people with a tiny bit of power.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Do you get it at airports?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Yeah, air hostesses.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20There are some airlines, budget airlines,
0:12:20 > 0:12:24when you're walking towards that desk, you know they're going,
0:12:24 > 0:12:25"Heh, heh, heh!"
0:12:27 > 0:12:30"Just checking in." "Have you got any luggage?"
0:12:30 > 0:12:33"No, just my carry-on." "That's great. Just weigh it."
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I look behind me, and there's a guy behind me who's 25 stone.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38I say, "Forget my bag - weigh him."
0:12:40 > 0:12:43OK. So, well, many good points have been made.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46I think people in uniforms, they do overdo it,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48but they are basically trying to do their job.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52I must admit, they've more or less reduced citrus-based crime
0:12:52 > 0:12:55to a minimum in this country.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57I think, again, people in the supermarket probably have
0:12:57 > 0:13:01to give you your receipt, but I do think if you're going to spend money
0:13:01 > 0:13:04and get yourself a phone, you should probably work out how to operate it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06So I'm going to put
0:13:06 > 0:13:10people who can't operate their own smartphones into Room 101.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Next category, please.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33It's Modern Life. What does Bob hate about modern life?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Whoa!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42One aspect of modern life that I don't enjoy is this craze now
0:13:42 > 0:13:46of wrapping your food in bacon before you cook it,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49with your fishes and your meats.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I've just got a feeling it's one of these celebrity-chef things,
0:13:52 > 0:13:57and it's been sold on the basis that it seals in the flavour,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59and I don't think it does do that.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03It just collapses and leaks out its saltiness.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07I don't actually believe that they're flavours that work.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I think it's, like... It's one of these pretentious things.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13I think, say, with pigs in a blanket,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15you know, when they wrap it round sausage,
0:14:15 > 0:14:19I think it's to stop the sausage splitting, isn't it?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22It sort of operates like a hernia belt.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26I think you're giving bacon a, kind of, super-strength there
0:14:26 > 0:14:29that it doesn't have, as if it can grip the sausage.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33I have to tell you, one of the treats that we've always had
0:14:33 > 0:14:36for Christmas, we have, every Christmas morning,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and all the kids come round and Jen cooks it up,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42is fried Christmas pudding with bacon.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Really, try it. Honest to God, it's something else.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48It really is something else. And you can drink like a fish after it.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Do you remember those little bits - you don't see them so much now -
0:14:54 > 0:14:56like, little bits of white gristle that you get in bacon?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Almost like little bits of white plastic.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Like a little bit of bone. - Yeah. Going through it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I use those to create the windows
0:15:04 > 0:15:07on the pork aeroplanes...
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- LAUGHTER - ..I like to make.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I don't think you're fully appreciating
0:15:15 > 0:15:18the versatility of bacon and, indeed, pork, in general.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19I've never flown Pork.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24I have used it... This is a fact -
0:15:24 > 0:15:29I was frying sausages and eggs in the same thing,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31and I didn't have one of those things
0:15:31 > 0:15:33that you pick the eggs up with.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I had a knife, so I got under the egg, just to loosen it,
0:15:36 > 0:15:38but I couldn't pick it up.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42So I used one of the rashers of bacon as a sort of a stretcher,
0:15:42 > 0:15:45to carry the egg to the plate.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I've no objection to using bacon as a stretcher.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50I'm absolutely fine with that.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I've used it as a utensil.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I have eaten baked beans with bacon, using it like that.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59You could use it as a bookmark,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02a savoury bookmark. But please, not wrapping it round...
0:16:02 > 0:16:04But at least it tastes good.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07The food fad I really hate is when they put foam on stuff.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09- Right.- Foam?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Foam. That's, like, a fad that I don't get at all.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12They just have foam.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14It just looks like someone's spat on your food.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Maybe that's what they've done.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I think you should stop eating in Carol Vorderman's restaurant.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26OK, what does Brendan hate about modern life?
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Pedal bins in hotels - the ones in the bathroom that they tend to put
0:16:35 > 0:16:40between the sink and the toilet bowl, that are about this size,
0:16:40 > 0:16:44that every time you press the pedal, it jumps away from you,
0:16:44 > 0:16:46so you end up going around the bathroom like this...
0:16:51 > 0:16:55They absolutely drive me... Because we spend so much time on the road,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58we live a lot of the time in hotels,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01and this is the one thing in the hotel that just absolutely
0:17:01 > 0:17:04drives me crazy, and I think they can do better.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08A bigger bin, a weight at the bottom of it - they can do better.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10You know, you've taken a beautiful room, gorgeous curtains,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14lovely mattress and a Mickey Mouse pedal bin.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I like, "They can do better." It's become motivational speaking.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23There'll be hotel owners all over the country saying, "He's right."
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Press it. Press it.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Take off your shoe.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38That's a pretty good pedal bin.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I often, in a certain chain of hotels,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I take this to bed with me, the inside of it,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48put it next to me on the bedside table,
0:17:48 > 0:17:52and if I have a night movement, I do it in this pot.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I'm just saying.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57So, I'm a big fan!
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Which, actually, if you replaced it,
0:18:02 > 0:18:04would weigh the pedal bin down.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- We should get a twin room. - We should!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I stayed in a villa in Greece.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18The plumbing was one of those when you couldn't put toilet paper
0:18:18 > 0:18:21down the toilet, so there was a pedal bin in the toilet...
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- Oh, no.- ..and you had to put it in the pedal bin.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28I was appalled by it, but this was before I had children.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Now, I could happily put it in my top pocket.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Here is an interesting thing I saw in a toilet. This is a toilet brush,
0:18:41 > 0:18:45which I think we have all seen - commercially available -
0:18:45 > 0:18:47but it has got a...
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- ..a microphone at the end.- You know when you're at the bathroom mirror -
0:18:52 > 0:18:57# When the day is dawr-ning on the Texas sun... #
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Obviously, don't do it in a nice shirt.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03What do people do with this?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06I suppose you say goodbye to your movement.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08# Goodbye The time we spent together... #
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Well, I had...
0:19:14 > 0:19:17I'm slightly obsessed with Dragons' Den and I'm always trying
0:19:17 > 0:19:23to think of inventions and I had... It's a pedal bin-based invention.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26I'm serious about this.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29I think this... I think it's a brilliant idea.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Show us.- Yeah, I'll show it. Can we get my invention, please?
0:19:32 > 0:19:35THEME TUNE PLAYS
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Right. Now, this is what I call the Piddle Bin.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49It's... This is...
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Often when men go to the toilet, they want to lift the seat up.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57It's quite unhygienic, touching a toilet seat in a public toilet.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00With this, you don't have to worry.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02So that's one advantage. OK?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Also, if you're a man, you'll go into a toilet and sometimes
0:20:05 > 0:20:07the toilet seat doesn't stay up in public toilets,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09and you have to stand in that...
0:20:11 > 0:20:13..that sort of... that weird Elvis stance.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Also, if you're sitting on it and you're a bit weary,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20you can use it to help you get up.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26The Piddle Bin.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29That's very good.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- That could sell.- I mean it!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37If you called it Reggae Reggae Piddle Bin...
0:20:39 > 0:20:41..it could go through the roof, couldn't it?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I love it, I love it.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45OK, what winds up Rachel about modern life?
0:20:49 > 0:20:53It's when you're about to have a treat and someone -
0:20:53 > 0:20:57normally a friend - will start telling you how calorific
0:20:57 > 0:21:01and how bad for you it is and how it's got sugar in it,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03and it's got fat in it, and you shouldn't eat it,
0:21:03 > 0:21:05and they've gone wheat-free, dairy-free, they're vegan,
0:21:05 > 0:21:07they've stopped living and having fun,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10but they're really fit, and they went for a run in the morning
0:21:10 > 0:21:12and they've done sit-ups and you shouldn't eat the thing
0:21:12 > 0:21:14that you're about to eat
0:21:14 > 0:21:16and you've sat down with a cup of tea to enjoy.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- And that spoils it?- Yeah. - This happened to me once
0:21:19 > 0:21:21when I drank a whole bottle of Pernod at a christening.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30I know what you mean. I think it's very hard.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I went to the Harry Potter premiere of the first film,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36and I sat next to a little kid.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38I suppose he was about seven or eight.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Before the show started he got out a Crunchie bar,
0:21:41 > 0:21:46and he took the whole wrapper off it, so it was completely...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- Naked.- It was naked.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49And he held it like...
0:21:49 > 0:21:52He put one end against his teeth and the other end against -
0:21:52 > 0:21:54I'm not kidding - and he went like that...
0:21:57 > 0:21:58..like a sawmill.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04And I thought to myself, "You never see grown-ups eat chocolate
0:22:04 > 0:22:06"with that kind of joy and abandon."
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Have you ever seen the hot dog-stuffed pizza?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14No, but I'm interested.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Yes. It looks like a perfectly nice pizza,
0:22:17 > 0:22:21but if you look at it side on, there is a ring of sausage,
0:22:21 > 0:22:26as I think Johnny Cash described it, which goes round the edge.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29They also do a thing called the double-decker pizza,
0:22:29 > 0:22:32which I thought would be two pizzas, one on top of the other,
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- but it's actually... It's got a Double Decker running right through. - GROANING
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Can I say, I made this one up.- Yeah.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43A friend of mine said she made a chocolate and almond cake
0:22:43 > 0:22:48and, while she was out, her dog got on the table
0:22:48 > 0:22:50and, when she got back in,
0:22:50 > 0:22:55the dog had bitten a small piece, about that big, out of the cake
0:22:55 > 0:22:58and I said to her, "That's strange, though, isn't it,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01"because a dog would not have a bite and think, "Oh, this might be
0:23:01 > 0:23:05"a bit fattening, this." What that dog has done
0:23:05 > 0:23:09is bitten the cake and gone... "No, I don't think so."
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Could there be a greater insult for a cake than a dog
0:23:13 > 0:23:15having a small piece?!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20OK. So we come to the end of the round.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Brendan, I feel your pain, but I think the pedal bin, essentially,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26is, as you say, it's a fairly noble invention,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29it's just that they tend to get faulty.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33The bacon round food - I am a great bacon enthusiast,
0:23:33 > 0:23:37and sometimes I think it helps less interesting food.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38But I do agree, now, there is
0:23:38 > 0:23:43a whole swathe of people who will say, "Oh, you shouldn't have that,
0:23:43 > 0:23:45"It's not very good for you."
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Better to live, as a driver said to me the other day,
0:23:47 > 0:23:5270 happy, than 80 having lived a life of grim rules and regulations.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I agree.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Then, he drove straight into a wall.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00So anyway, I am going to put people who tell you not to eat stuff
0:24:00 > 0:24:02because it's bad for you into Room 101.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Next category, please.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25OK, it is the Audience Choice, when the people speak.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29I think we have got Christine Pedat in the audience tonight.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- Hello, Christine!- Hello, Frank! - How are you?- I am good, thank you.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Now, what would you like to put into Room 101?
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Elvis impersonators.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41SOME CHEERING
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Yeah, I'm fine with that.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I am intrigued to hear this. Please carry on.
0:24:52 > 0:24:59Well, I think it is quasi-nauseating to watch middle-aged, overweight,
0:24:59 > 0:25:05unattractive men in white jumpsuits waggling their belly,
0:25:05 > 0:25:06curling their lips...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10I don't mind it generally, but when they're doing Elvis...
0:25:10 > 0:25:16It's just vomit-making and why, why can't we have young, fit
0:25:16 > 0:25:21Elvis impersonators? I rest my case, Frank.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Have you seen one in the flesh?
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Oh, I've had them thrust upon me a couple of times.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Well, that would be frightening.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37It was scary stuff!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40And they come in teams. They do Elvis nights.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43It's not like you go and see a guy doing an Elvis impersonation -
0:25:43 > 0:25:45it's Elvis night, so there will be six Elvises on that night.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Really, honestly, it gives me pain. And they always do the same song.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51They always do American Trilogy.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53- That's the big finish.- Yeah.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- IMPERSONATING ELVIS:- # And I wish I was in the land of cotton... #
0:25:56 > 0:25:58And you think, the land of cotton to Elvis,
0:25:58 > 0:26:00because he came from the south,
0:26:00 > 0:26:03must have meant a tremendous amount, he poured great emotion.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06To them, they probably think it's like World Of Leather.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07LAUGHTER
0:26:09 > 0:26:15Anyway, we have a clip, this is a man. To be fair to this man,
0:26:15 > 0:26:17he is not a regular Elvis impersonator.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20He did it on... This is a talent show on a cruise ship.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24And he himself in the comments below
0:26:24 > 0:26:27said, "This is the most embarrassing three minutes of my life."
0:26:27 > 0:26:29So at least he accepted it.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32But, uh, get a load of this.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# Went to a party at the county jail
0:26:39 > 0:26:40# ..began to wail. #
0:26:40 > 0:26:43HE MUTTERS INCORRECT LYRICS
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# .. the jailbird sing, let's rock
0:26:48 > 0:26:50# Everybody, let's rock
0:26:51 > 0:26:54# Let's do the jailhouse rock
0:26:55 > 0:26:56# Dancin' to the jailhouse rock
0:26:58 > 0:27:00HE MUTTERS INCORRECT LYRICS
0:27:02 > 0:27:03# ..trombone...
0:27:07 > 0:27:08# Let's rock. #
0:27:08 > 0:27:11APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:27:15 > 0:27:19So I've... Yeah, I've got to agree with you on this, Christine,
0:27:19 > 0:27:21I just wish it would stop.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23We don't need it, we just... We've still got
0:27:23 > 0:27:26all those wonderful records of the King
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and his marvellous thing.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29And, so, um, first of all to you,
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- IMPERSONATES ELVIS: - ..thank you very much.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33GROANS AND LAUGHTER
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I am definitely, definitely going to
0:27:35 > 0:27:37put Elvis impersonators into Room 101.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Right, then, let's have our next category.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56It's the Wildcard round.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Now, this means that you don't have any restraints of category,
0:27:59 > 0:28:01you can just choose anything at all
0:28:01 > 0:28:05that you don't like, so what is Bob's wildcard?
0:28:10 > 0:28:13It's unripe fruit in supermarkets.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17- I find myself... Thank you. - APPLAUSE
0:28:18 > 0:28:22I just find myself... I mean, particularly the melon,
0:28:22 > 0:28:25the nectarine, the peach, the pear
0:28:25 > 0:28:30and the apricot - it's impossible to get one ready to eat,
0:28:30 > 0:28:34and on the odd occasion you can, it's packaged as
0:28:34 > 0:28:37actually "ready to eat", and they charge you more for it.
0:28:37 > 0:28:42It's very frustrating, and it just adds to the nation's fruit bowls
0:28:42 > 0:28:48just rotting away, attracting fruit flies and then being disposed of,
0:28:48 > 0:28:52- because it's long past your desire to have a slice of melon.- Yeah.
0:28:52 > 0:28:56The other thing is, I remember when I was younger it was a Friday treat
0:28:56 > 0:29:00to get a yellow honeydew melon, and we'd gather round it,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03this beautiful yellow orb, ready to enjoy it,
0:29:03 > 0:29:07but now these unripe melons that you buy from supermarkets,
0:29:07 > 0:29:09they taste like turnips.
0:29:09 > 0:29:14I imagine a whole generation, you know, being put off melons by it.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17It's probably one of the biggest impulse buys, as well.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20I mean, you buy a banana when you fancy a banana.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Not you buy a banana two weeks before you fancy it -
0:29:22 > 0:29:25in case you fancy a banana.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28Bananas are quite speedy, aren't they? They can ripen up.
0:29:28 > 0:29:30- They can.- As can a tomato, Brendan.
0:29:30 > 0:29:31- But unfortunately not a lemon.- No.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37There's a fruit stall at the bottom of my road,
0:29:37 > 0:29:40and I see them throw away overripe fruit.
0:29:40 > 0:29:44So there's only a very short window of edibility
0:29:44 > 0:29:45before they become overripe.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48Yeah, but we used to be able to cope with that.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51What used to happen, of course, is we had stocks,
0:29:51 > 0:29:53where people used to get put in...
0:29:55 > 0:29:58You'd think, in the age of recycling - bring those back.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03I feel a bit sorry for greengrocers, because they lose
0:30:03 > 0:30:06probably 40% of their stock every week in car chases.
0:30:09 > 0:30:13The odd thing about this is they do very different stuff with,
0:30:13 > 0:30:15let's say, bread, in supermarkets,
0:30:15 > 0:30:19where they put the freshest bread at the back of the tray
0:30:19 > 0:30:23and the old stuff at the front, to make you buy the old stuff.
0:30:23 > 0:30:26Luckily they had a similar policy at the dating agency
0:30:26 > 0:30:27my girlfriend went to.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34In Nanjing in China there's a greengrocer
0:30:34 > 0:30:36who decided that he had a good gimmick
0:30:36 > 0:30:39for selling peaches.
0:30:39 > 0:30:43So what he did was, he put little examples of ladies' lingerie
0:30:43 > 0:30:46on them, and there's a great from this bloke,
0:30:46 > 0:30:48translated, obviously.
0:30:48 > 0:30:49It's a great quote.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52- HE IMPERSONATES STEREOTYPE - No.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54No.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57He said, "The people who supply our pants make lingerie
0:30:57 > 0:31:00"for some of the most exclusive designer labels in the world.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04"There's nothing tacky about them at all."
0:31:04 > 0:31:05Here they are.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07LAUGHTER
0:31:10 > 0:31:12Not at all tacky!
0:31:12 > 0:31:13- I love it.- I quite like it.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15Would you like one?
0:31:16 > 0:31:17- No thanks.- There they are.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20I couldn't, I just wouldn't feel right.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26OK. What is Rachel's wildcard?
0:31:31 > 0:31:34Yeah, my wildcard is the Essex girl stereotype.
0:31:34 > 0:31:36I'm from Essex. I'm from Southend. Born and bred Essex girl...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38- MURMURING - Thank you.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41And I remember as, like, a young girl,
0:31:41 > 0:31:43going on holiday to somewhere like Cuba
0:31:43 > 0:31:45I met a Canadian group of guys,
0:31:45 > 0:31:48and even they'd heard of the Essex girl stereotype.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- Wow.- So they were kind of, "Oh, yeah, Essex. We've heard about you."
0:31:51 > 0:31:54And it kind of died off for a while, and then obviously with things
0:31:54 > 0:31:57like The Only Way Is Essex it's kind of back with a vengeance.
0:31:57 > 0:32:00And I know especially it annoys my friends,
0:32:00 > 0:32:02cos Essex has got some of the best schools in the country,
0:32:02 > 0:32:06but they think that we all talk like The Only Way Is Essex,
0:32:06 > 0:32:08and people say to me, "Oh, you've lost your accent."
0:32:08 > 0:32:10I haven't lost my accent at all -
0:32:10 > 0:32:12this is what normal people from Essex sound like,
0:32:12 > 0:32:16and we're not all covered in fake tan and peroxide blonde
0:32:16 > 0:32:18and obsessed with that, and shopping and nails,
0:32:18 > 0:32:20and that's the only thing we do.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I worked with Brian Belo, who's from Essex.
0:32:23 > 0:32:26- Do you know him? I think he won Big Brother 8.- OK.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29And I was on a show where we were playing that game
0:32:29 > 0:32:32where you have to... You have a thing on a card
0:32:32 > 0:32:34and you have to communicate what's on the card.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37And some people think he's a bit, you know, he's a bit thick because
0:32:37 > 0:32:40he didn't know who Shakespeare was when he was on Big Brother.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42And it was British icons.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44He had to communicate it, and he said, "Right,"
0:32:44 > 0:32:49and he got his card and he said, "Right, it's surfing...
0:32:49 > 0:32:52"and little guitars and sort of like, you know,
0:32:52 > 0:32:54"straw sort of frock things."
0:32:54 > 0:32:56And I said, "This is Britain? Newquay?"
0:32:56 > 0:32:59He said, "No, no, dancing, and stuff like that."
0:32:59 > 0:33:03It turned out it was The Hay Wain by John Constable,
0:33:03 > 0:33:06and he'd read it as Hawaii.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Ah.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12So he's a lovely bloke, Brian, but he's not helping.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15I've met a few of the people on The Only Way Is Essex
0:33:15 > 0:33:16and they're all really genuine -
0:33:16 > 0:33:18that's what they are, and they're not ashamed.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20I like a lot of them. And Joey Essex, I met him,
0:33:20 > 0:33:24and he thought that Richard and Judy created the world.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26No, he didn't.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29Yeah, he got confused with Adam and Eve.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34Don't even go there! Don't even go there!
0:33:34 > 0:33:36No. But they didn't create the world, either.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39Well, that's a whole other kettle of fish.
0:33:39 > 0:33:41OK, what's Brendan's wildcard?
0:33:46 > 0:33:50It speaks for itself. Bad toilet etiquette.
0:33:50 > 0:33:51Hmm.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54I can only speak for males because it's only half the time I'm a woman.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58There are certain rules and regulations,
0:33:58 > 0:34:02unspoken, unwritten, that happen in a toilet.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05- Mm.- When you walk into a toilet, you see other people,
0:34:05 > 0:34:09you go to the furthest bowl from other people. It's as simple as that.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Yeah, well, he's breaking the rule there.
0:34:11 > 0:34:14Because if there's three, you go to one end, not the middle one.
0:34:14 > 0:34:18Yeah, the far end, and you always go to the furthest down from the door.
0:34:18 > 0:34:21If it's empty I'll stand at one end and aim at the other.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25You show-off!
0:34:25 > 0:34:26But if someone comes in I just...
0:34:28 > 0:34:30If I want to intimidate them,
0:34:30 > 0:34:33I always come in and go, "Floor's cold."
0:34:35 > 0:34:38Another thing they do, too, is they stare at me.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41So I'm trying to go,
0:34:41 > 0:34:44and I turn around and there's a guy standing beside me going...
0:34:47 > 0:34:50Hold on. Are you dressed as Mrs Brown at the time?
0:34:52 > 0:34:54Could be!
0:34:54 > 0:34:55I just do this.
0:34:57 > 0:35:01I'll tell you what you don't see so much of now - graffiti in toilets.
0:35:01 > 0:35:05A friend of mine took this photo of some graffiti he saw in a toilet.
0:35:05 > 0:35:10Occasionally you get some graffiti which is so random it's just joyous.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Look at this.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15LAUGHTER
0:35:21 > 0:35:23There's a lot of the unisex ones now.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Outside where you want to do your hair and make-up,
0:35:26 > 0:35:29- but there's a man there.- Yeah. I followed a man in there and then...
0:35:29 > 0:35:30RACHEL LAUGHS
0:35:30 > 0:35:32No, cos that's the toilets,
0:35:32 > 0:35:36and I heard what appeared to be an elephant having a wee next door.
0:35:36 > 0:35:41And a little lady came out afterwards.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43Do you know, she was 17st when she went in.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48You know, it's so difficult. There's no seat in the toilet bowl,
0:35:48 > 0:35:51usually, when you get in, so you've got to hover.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55It's got to be the right height because you don't want splashback,
0:35:55 > 0:35:56so you've got to do that.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Then you've got to wedge your elbows because there's no lock on the door.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06This is how they got the idea for the Chicken Tonight advert.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10OK, so we come to the end.
0:36:10 > 0:36:15And I know what you mean about the Essex stereotype, but it seems to me
0:36:15 > 0:36:17that so many people from Essex seem to have made a lot of money
0:36:17 > 0:36:20out of that stereotype, and careers out of it
0:36:20 > 0:36:22that I can't really condemn it.
0:36:22 > 0:36:26The unripe fruit is a very good argument indeed, I must say,
0:36:26 > 0:36:29and fruit is so hard and unwelcoming,
0:36:29 > 0:36:32and then later on it gets squidgy and lovely.
0:36:32 > 0:36:33Again, like Carol Vorderman.
0:36:36 > 0:36:40I wish now I'd bought early and left her in a bag...
0:36:40 > 0:36:42LAUGHTER
0:36:43 > 0:36:47And the whole thing of going to public toilets is a traumatic
0:36:47 > 0:36:49and difficult experience -
0:36:49 > 0:36:52and for that reason, this is very close,
0:36:52 > 0:36:55but I am going to put bad urinal etiquette into Room 101.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58APPLAUSE
0:37:00 > 0:37:03CHEERING
0:37:07 > 0:37:09And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Well done, Brendan, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:37:12 > 0:37:13so you are this week's winner.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:37:16 > 0:37:18- Well done, Brendan.- Well done.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24So, thanks very much to Brendan O'Carroll, Bob Mortimer
0:37:24 > 0:37:27and Rachel Riley, and thank you, good night.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30APPLAUSE AND CHEERING