0:00:20 > 0:00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101 -
0:00:36 > 0:00:37the show where three guests battle
0:00:37 > 0:00:41to consign their pet peeves to the infamous vault.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42They'll have to argue their case well,
0:00:42 > 0:00:45because in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47The final decision is mine.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Let's meet this week's guests -
0:00:48 > 0:00:51joining me tonight are headlines, Sir Trevor McDonald,
0:00:51 > 0:00:52punchlines, Aisling Bea,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55and, learning his lines, David Tennant.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:05So, let's see what's on the "whine" list.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09So, what's David's choice?
0:01:12 > 0:01:13It's sushi.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15APPLAUSE
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I don't like fish much at the best of times,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24so the idea that you would serve it to me
0:01:24 > 0:01:28without having the decency to cook the filthy stuff
0:01:28 > 0:01:30just makes my stomach turn.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35But it's not solely the snot-like texture -
0:01:35 > 0:01:38although that should be enough -
0:01:38 > 0:01:42it's the attitude that goes along with the people that like it
0:01:42 > 0:01:44that I find...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46disgusting.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51There's a sort of snobbish, smug...
0:01:53 > 0:01:57..kind of middle-class proselytising about it that goes on.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59This idea that, "Because I like sushi,
0:01:59 > 0:02:03"I'm sophisticated, I'm international, I'm exotic" -
0:02:03 > 0:02:06for a plate of filthy raw fish.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Doesn't even come with chips.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:18There's, er... one of those viral videos -
0:02:18 > 0:02:20I don't know if anyone's seen this -
0:02:20 > 0:02:23of a plate of sashimi that someone filmed in a restaurant,
0:02:23 > 0:02:26that starts to twitch...
0:02:26 > 0:02:27AUDIENCE GROANS
0:02:27 > 0:02:30..and then flips itself off the plate.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33That's not dinner, that's a pet.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I LOVE sashimi, because I have an international sort of...
0:02:37 > 0:02:41- Cos you're all exotic. - ..mysterious, exotic presence.- Smug.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46- I must confess, I'm with David on this.- Really?!- I understand...
0:02:46 > 0:02:47APPLAUSE
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I mean, I've never investigated it as closely as you have...
0:02:55 > 0:03:00but it's the fact that people who do like it
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- think that they are better than all of us.- Yes!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- But we ARE better than you. - That's the bit...- That's...
0:03:05 > 0:03:06To be fair, David,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10you come from a place where they won't even eat raw Mars bars.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15APPLAUSE
0:03:15 > 0:03:19That... That is exotic cuisine, right there.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22So, here's some... Yeah, here's some sushi.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25One of my favourite things about sushi is, er...
0:03:25 > 0:03:27the sushi grass.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- What... What is that about? - What IS that about?
0:03:33 > 0:03:38- I...- It's trying to dress it up, cos it's such filthy, vile stuff.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40In the part of the world I come from,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42when they talk about grass, they talk about something else.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47No, but it doesn't come from a field, this stuff,
0:03:47 > 0:03:48it comes from the sea.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51It gives it a, sort of, surf and turf, kind of, a feel.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54What I think - this was my own idea
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and if there's anyone who runs a sushi restaurant,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I'm prepared to discuss this with them -
0:03:59 > 0:04:01wouldn't this be more suitable?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You see that? You've got waves, and it just makes it more...
0:04:07 > 0:04:08real.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Can I say, also, by the way, the sushi grass -
0:04:11 > 0:04:13it's great at Christmas.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I think part of the pretension, too,
0:04:19 > 0:04:24is the fact that it appears to be so enticingly laid out.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- You know? That's part of the thing.- Mm.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Have you ever heard of nyot...ai...mori?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Nyotaimori.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- Sure. - LAUGHTER
0:04:36 > 0:04:40It's a very specialist sushi tradition in Japan.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Here is what it is.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45ALL GASP
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Yes, and the sushi is eaten off a naked body.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Usually female, I'll be honest with you.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56You can imagine the complications of eating it off a male.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02David just changed his mind about sushi.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04LAUGHTER
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I went to one of these places in Osaka and I said, "Look..."
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I finished the meal, and I said, "I don't have any money,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11"but I am prepared to do the washing up."
0:05:13 > 0:05:16But they are not even looking at her. I mean...
0:05:16 > 0:05:20He is, up the top, he's having the best night of his life.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24This particular one, which is the salmon one -
0:05:24 > 0:05:25I always feel a bit sorry,
0:05:25 > 0:05:29because salmon doesn't seem quite exotic enough to be in sushi.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It's like when you see a British actor in an American TV show,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34you think, "Aw, bless."
0:05:37 > 0:05:41But that - when you look at that piece of sushi,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I think it looks like...
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Ed Sheeran.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49And if you can imagine...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Now, this one...
0:05:51 > 0:05:53This one, I always think,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55it's ginger, but it's got a bit of white showing,
0:05:55 > 0:05:56is more of a Chris Evans type.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01And you can imagine them meeting at a bar and having a bit of a...
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Actually, it'd be more like this, wouldn't it?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10So, um, you have eaten sushi, I take it?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Begrudgingly.- Yeah.- Well, people keep going on about it, you know?
0:06:13 > 0:06:14- Yes, they do. - There must be something...
0:06:14 > 0:06:17And then... But no, it just tastes like a pile of raw fish.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- It's a fair summary.- Yeah.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I remember the first time one of them come to Dublin
0:06:22 > 0:06:26and I thought I was so glamorous to go to sushi to have lunch on my own,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and you know they have those conveyor belts
0:06:28 > 0:06:31in those sushi restaurants that go round like this,
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and the woman came to me, she was like, "Have you been here before?
0:06:33 > 0:06:35"Do you need me to explain how it works?"
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I was like, "Of course I know how it works!"
0:06:38 > 0:06:41So, the conveyor belt would come along, I'd take off something,
0:06:41 > 0:06:45have a little nibble, then go, "No, not for me," put it back on.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47"Oh, nice," stick it back on.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51I remember as a kid, I was at Dudley Zoo, which is the local zoo,
0:06:51 > 0:06:54and I remember watching the sea lions being fed raw fish
0:06:54 > 0:06:56and I remember thinking,
0:06:56 > 0:06:59"They must love the taste of that, they're applauding."
0:07:00 > 0:07:03OK, so, what's Sir Trevor's choice?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08My choice is queuing.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Thank you.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Thank you - although I should explain,
0:07:16 > 0:07:20if you turn up at some airport in Naples or something,
0:07:20 > 0:07:21and you're standing in line
0:07:21 > 0:07:23and waiting to go to the ticket counter
0:07:23 > 0:07:26and somebody barges in from the right or left side, you think,
0:07:26 > 0:07:27"Oh, my goodness,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31"how wonderful it is that this doesn't happen back in London."
0:07:31 > 0:07:34You know? Where people get in an orderly queue
0:07:34 > 0:07:35and they don't move...
0:07:35 > 0:07:38But I get very worried when people become obsessed
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- with just the idea of standing in line - we love lines.- Mm.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43And you go to an underground station,
0:07:43 > 0:07:45and there are three lanes which are empty,
0:07:45 > 0:07:48and there's one where there are about 100 people
0:07:48 > 0:07:50and everybody gets behind the line!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Yeah!- And I just get out
0:07:52 > 0:07:55and I go for the one where there's nobody standing next to it,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57and I get my ticket and walk away, but -
0:07:57 > 0:08:00it shouldn't, really - but it infuriates me.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05I think my particular hate on this one is,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08if you're queuing in a cafe - especially if you're on your own -
0:08:08 > 0:08:11queuing in a cafe and a family come in,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15and they all go and sit at the last table in the cafe,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17and then join the end of the queue -
0:08:17 > 0:08:21so, you're way ahead of them, but they got the table.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Now, that cannot be right.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26And I know it's just a table, but you just know these are the people -
0:08:26 > 0:08:28they'd do the same thing with a lifeboat.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36That I don't like, but I have been in queues... I once queued
0:08:36 > 0:08:4118 hours for Rolling Stones tickets and it rained all night
0:08:41 > 0:08:44and we were just out on the street in Birmingham,
0:08:44 > 0:08:48and at one point, I remember I started a stationary conga.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51So, we did it, but we didn't move.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53It was arguably the proudest moment of my life.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56But you see that when people queue for tickets and so on,
0:08:56 > 0:08:57for things, you know,
0:08:57 > 0:09:02they do it to say, "Do you know, I queued all night to see this,"
0:09:02 > 0:09:03or, "I queued..."
0:09:03 > 0:09:07And they do it now for sales in big stores.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08Somebody forms a line...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, in fact, for sales, they don't -
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- they kill each other, don't they? Sort of...- Yes.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15I think you can get a community spirit from that kind of...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Oh, I'm sure there's a community spirit when you do,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20but I mean, there's nothing else to do but have a community spirit,
0:09:20 > 0:09:23if you're standing out there, or sitting out there all night.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Do you still have to queue, Sir Trevor?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Do you ever just go, "I am Sir Trevor of the news!
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"Let me through!"?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31No, no... Nobody ever does that.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33They probably do it for you, but not for me.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- Oh...- I don't believe that -
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I think the world parts like Moses and the Red Sea.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42A queue that you see a lot in London
0:09:42 > 0:09:45is young men queuing for training shoes.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47A new edition of trainers comes out
0:09:47 > 0:09:50and they, literally, queue overnight to get in there first -
0:09:50 > 0:09:53and I find this a pretty remarkable phenomenon.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55And I was in this car, and I was being driven -
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I'd been talking to the driver, it was a woman driver,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00she was Latvian - and she said, "What is this queue?"
0:10:00 > 0:10:02And I said, "It's... They're queuing for training shoes."
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I said, "Can you believe it?"
0:10:04 > 0:10:06There was a short pause and she said,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08"I've queued for cheese."
0:10:11 > 0:10:13But that's... I mean, you know, that's the thing, you know?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17So, a new phone comes out and everybody queues.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Look, I'll tell you something - the guys who make those phones,
0:10:20 > 0:10:22they're going to make enough to sell it to everybody.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24You do not need to queue.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26I'm telling you, honestly.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27APPLAUSE
0:10:31 > 0:10:34The one, I think, that needs quite a bit of intuition,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37is when you're queuing at a urinal,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39guessing who's going to finish first.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42You're looking for any, sort of, sense of...
0:10:42 > 0:10:44relaxation.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47It's a, sort of, urinal Russian roulette.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Just trying to...
0:10:48 > 0:10:52I once stood at a urinal behind the Red Arrows...
0:10:52 > 0:10:55in full formation.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01Amazing. How they did the red, white and blue thing, I'll never know.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06I have here the most English book that was ever written.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10This is the Wimbledon guide to queuing.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16This is actually a brochure that you're given at Wimbledon
0:11:16 > 0:11:19tennis club and it gives you advice on how to queue and my
0:11:19 > 0:11:24favourite thing in here - this could only be queuing advice at Wimbledon.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28It said, "Please do not bring or erect gazebos."
0:11:31 > 0:11:34There's a, kind of, sport to it, at the supermarket, isn't there?
0:11:34 > 0:11:35You know, which line are you going to choose?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- Yeah.- Which is moving fastest?- Yeah.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39You can actually turn it into a competitive event,
0:11:39 > 0:11:42with someone else - "You take that basket, I'll take that basket,"
0:11:42 > 0:11:44you can be edging it... That's quite fun.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I find in the supermarket, my real problem,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50when you're queuing behind someone,
0:11:50 > 0:11:54when you get to the actual conveyor belt
0:11:54 > 0:11:56and they don't put the grocery divider...
0:11:56 > 0:11:58MURMURS OF ASSENT
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Now, that's their job! It's the leader's responsibility.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I can't put it on, they have to put it on.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04So, what I start doing -
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I start putting my stuff on quite close to theirs -
0:12:08 > 0:12:10the most expensive stuff,
0:12:10 > 0:12:12like, a little bit of truffle oil rolling over -
0:12:12 > 0:12:16they start to panic, and down it goes. But, I mean, that's your job.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19When you've finished, put the divider down.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Um, what about Aisling's choice?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Pigeons.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Frankly, Frank,
0:12:32 > 0:12:36I've had enough of these disease-riddled rats of the sky.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38- AUDIENCE CHEERS - Yes, thank you.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Bit of solidarity, there.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44We just let them roam around, owning the streets of our cities
0:12:44 > 0:12:46for far too long and I don't know why.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49What do they do? They're obsolete now - everyone sends text messages,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51unlike the old days,
0:12:51 > 0:12:54when you used to attach, you know, a bit of paper to their legs,
0:12:54 > 0:12:58and I think that's why British people let them stay around
0:12:58 > 0:13:01so long, is because of all the hard work they did during the war.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03But, you know, you don't see other veterans going round
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Trafalgar Square pooing on the monuments,
0:13:07 > 0:13:09so I don't see why we should allow pigeons.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12You know, there's an arrogance about them -
0:13:12 > 0:13:14they're like the aggressive, sort of, man in the pub,
0:13:14 > 0:13:16being like, "No, you move," you know?
0:13:16 > 0:13:19They're like... Yeah, I just don't like them any more.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21First of all, they are, I think,
0:13:21 > 0:13:24an important source of exercise for toddlers.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29I have a three-year-old.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32He will chase a pigeon a mile and a half.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34He'll run so far, he'll vomit,
0:13:34 > 0:13:37and then, of course, the pigeon will sort that out.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42And I think, in an age of infant obesity,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45we need the pigeons more than we ever needed them before.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I thought we were supposed to love the wildlife.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50No, they have more diseases -
0:13:50 > 0:13:53they have, like, seven times more diseases than rats,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55even in the wind, from their wings.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58This might change your mind. We have a woman in Liverpool,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01an artist called Kerry Morrison,
0:14:01 > 0:14:06laid out a sheet of musical manuscript with empty staves on it.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07There it is, look.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Ready for musical notes...
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Ah!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15..and then pigeons naturally put notes on the...
0:14:15 > 0:14:16LAUGHTER
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I'm not making this up - this was an artistic experiment.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20And we've got a... Look.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- AUDIENCE:- Eurgh!
0:14:22 > 0:14:23That's E.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27She waited till it was covered,
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and then Jon Hering, a composer,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31he turned it into a full musical score
0:14:31 > 0:14:34and they performed it at the Tate Liverpool art gallery.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Come off it.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I'm not making... This is absolutely serious.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40We have the actual music here.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43# I believe I can fly... #
0:14:43 > 0:14:44APPLAUSE
0:14:44 > 0:14:48# I believe I can touch the sky... #
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I made that last bit up.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56It's completely true. This is the real pigeon music.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59This is taking the notes that were dropped onto the thing
0:14:59 > 0:15:01and turning them into music.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04SLOW ATONAL MUSIC
0:15:17 > 0:15:19LAUGHTER
0:15:19 > 0:15:22It's interesting that the medium that they use to write the music
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- is reflected in the music.- Mm!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30And they actually performed that at the Tate?
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Yeah, the art gallery.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34That is one of those things with art, where sometimes you're like,
0:15:34 > 0:15:36"No, I don't believe there should be any cuts to art funding".
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Then, every now and again, you're like,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42"Ach, they could probably shave a pound or two off."
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Erm, I don't think I can put pigeons in, Aisling.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46What, why not?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Because they have this strange homing thing - we don't know,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52we haven't finally found out how bright and intelligent...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54what we can do with them.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55They could save the world -
0:15:55 > 0:15:59and they're a bit scruffy and smelly, but...hey.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I...
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I must say, I like sushi.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Ohh! - AUDIENCE MURMURS
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I do like it, and I like the fact that we, as a nation,
0:16:08 > 0:16:10who aren't the most experimental,
0:16:10 > 0:16:15have actually embraced the whole raw fish thing.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17David, don't look at me like that.
0:16:17 > 0:16:18OK, I...
0:16:18 > 0:16:23This is a real tough one, but I'm going to put queuing into Room 101.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24- Oh...- Oh, thanks!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27APPLAUSE
0:16:34 > 0:16:36And so...
0:16:36 > 0:16:39What's upsetting Sir Trevor?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Lateness.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:48 > 0:16:51I thought we'd be done by now.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52LAUGHTER
0:16:52 > 0:16:56This is a problem which I realise is partly of my own creation.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01If I arrange to meet somebody at six o'clock,
0:17:01 > 0:17:04outside McDonald's - my, you know...
0:17:04 > 0:17:06LAUGHTER
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Do you mean your house?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15APPLAUSE
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- I was referring to the family firm.- Oh, OK!
0:17:22 > 0:17:25..at six o'clock, if I say six o'clock,
0:17:25 > 0:17:27at about five to six...
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I'm there, of course,
0:17:29 > 0:17:32and I think I've got the wrong place,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35because the person hasn't turned up.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Now, I'm not into all this, sort of, quasi-philosophical nonsense
0:17:39 > 0:17:44about punctuality being the prerogative of princes or kings,
0:17:44 > 0:17:46or whatever - I don't believe any of that -
0:17:46 > 0:17:51I just think that if you say you're going to be there at a certain time,
0:17:51 > 0:17:52then you are there.
0:17:52 > 0:17:58I make extreme efforts to make sure that I am on time.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02I always take account of the fact that there might be traffic.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I mean, have you ever heard of the worst excuse in your life?
0:18:05 > 0:18:08"There's traffic" - there's traffic everywhere.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10There always is traffic.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Do you think it's cos it was a big deal in your job.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14If, at ten o'clock, Britain turned on their television
0:18:14 > 0:18:16and there was just a chair there...
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- To be completely honest... - "I'm on my way, I'm on my way."
0:18:21 > 0:18:23In a way, this is my own problem.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27Yeah, you did have a job that started with Big Ben.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30So, you, kind of, always knew what time it was.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Exactly.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33The worst thing I ever...
0:18:33 > 0:18:36I had a meeting with someone, and they turned up - I mean,
0:18:36 > 0:18:42they were probably 15 minutes late, and they had a Starbucks cup...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45And they said, "Oh, sorry I'm late,"
0:18:45 > 0:18:50and I said, "But hold on a minute - you had time to buy Starbucks..."
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- I know!- ..and they said, "Oh, well, I knew I was already late,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56"so I couldn't make it any worse."
0:18:56 > 0:18:59I said, "This is the serial killer argument, isn't it?"
0:18:59 > 0:19:03"Well, I've already killed one person..."
0:19:03 > 0:19:06My girlfriend has a very annoying habit, though.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07So often I've fallen for this.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10My girlfriend will say, "OK, let's go now."
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I go to the front door thinking,
0:19:13 > 0:19:17when she says, "Let's go now", that we're going to go now.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20I have time to knit a cardigan...
0:19:22 > 0:19:25..before we actually leave.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29I have a, kind of, sneaking admiration for them,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31because they'll never get heart attacks,
0:19:31 > 0:19:37they'll never be too discombobulated about not being there on time,
0:19:37 > 0:19:41they'll never worry excessively about, really, anything at all.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44And as a worrier myself, I think...
0:19:44 > 0:19:48maybe they have the secret of a good life, really.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51You know, why worry? Five minutes, no problem, you know?
0:19:51 > 0:19:54I like the way you're losing confidence in this...
0:19:54 > 0:19:55LAUGHTER
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- No, but I see the downsides of it...- Mm.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02..but what I'm saying is, it's still a source of great irritability.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04It does feel like disrespect, that's the problem.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07And when you're at an airport and they start...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09You know, everything's late, all the flights are late...
0:20:09 > 0:20:13This, I think, is probably the best excuse I've ever seen
0:20:13 > 0:20:15for a flight being late.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Yeah, very good!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I'll tell you, one of the oddities, too,
0:20:24 > 0:20:27is when people tell you you are late -
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and in the journalistic world, it happens like this...
0:20:30 > 0:20:34There is a war, and you can't get to it in time,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36and you turn up, and the guy says, "Where are you heading to?"
0:20:36 > 0:20:38You say, "I'm going to Bucharest,
0:20:38 > 0:20:42"because the Romanian dictator has just been..."
0:20:42 > 0:20:45And he said, "But that happened two days ago."
0:20:45 > 0:20:47I said, "Yes, it's taken me two days to get here!"
0:20:47 > 0:20:50So, people tell YOU you are late.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I don't know anyone else who's ever told me an anecdote
0:20:53 > 0:20:55about being late for a war!
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Well, let's see what David has chosen.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05My South African accent.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07LAUGHTER
0:21:07 > 0:21:09APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:13As part of my day job, which is pretending to be other people,
0:21:13 > 0:21:18I do occasionally have to assume another accent...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21and, usually, with a bit of practice and a bit of time,
0:21:21 > 0:21:25I can make a decent fist of most of them...
0:21:25 > 0:21:29but my Becher's Brook, my Waterloo...
0:21:29 > 0:21:30LAUGHTER
0:21:30 > 0:21:32..is the South African accent.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36I don't know why it should be, I don't know what it is about it
0:21:36 > 0:21:41that is elusive to my ear, but I've tried, and I've struggled, and...
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: - I can start off all right
0:21:43 > 0:21:44and it's not too bad...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46but it doesn't take very long, and...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- BLACK COUNTRY ACCENT: - ..suddenly I'm from Dudley.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50LAUGHTER
0:21:50 > 0:21:52APPLAUSE
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: - So, I have to concentrate
0:21:57 > 0:21:59and try and wrestle back, but...
0:21:59 > 0:22:01- BLACK COUNTRY ACCENT:- ..I can't hold on to it for very long,
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I just can't do it.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05- NATURAL ACCENT: - I just don't know what it is.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07It defeats me every single time.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Well, we have...
0:22:08 > 0:22:10LAUGHTER
0:22:10 > 0:22:13We have a recording, a radio recording, of you...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- I don't think it's a South African accent...- Oh, I hope not.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20This is from an audio play called The Rotters' Club.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Oh...no.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25This is set in Birmingham.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yeah...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I didn't know you remembered this.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32No, exactly. Let's hear this.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34'Look, Bill,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36'a vote for Wilson is just going to let the socialists back in.'
0:22:36 > 0:22:39'Oh, I've bad news for you, Sam. I AM a socialist.'
0:22:39 > 0:22:41'You might as well just give the miners
0:22:41 > 0:22:42'the keys to the ruddy country
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- 'and let 'em get on with it.' - 'Mm, not a bad idea.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47'I might propose it at the next TUC Conference.'
0:22:47 > 0:22:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I don't think that was too bad!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55- That was David and I, in case you hadn't worked that out.- Yeah.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Must be... Oh, must be, like, 15 years ago, now.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I tell you what - I'll tell you something about that show.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04We did this show together, but, as you say, a long time ago,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- and there was a guy called David Troughton in it...- Yeah.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09..who was the son of a former Doctor Who...
0:23:09 > 0:23:10AISLING GASPS
0:23:10 > 0:23:14..and I was so excited that it was the SON of a former Doctor Who.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15And David was there
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and I thought, "Why does this Scottish bloke keep bothering me?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20"I want to talk to the son of the former..."
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Little did I know!
0:23:22 > 0:23:23And the moral of this is,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26don't meet your heroes BEFORE they're your heroes.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30APPLAUSE
0:23:33 > 0:23:37I went up for a part. It was an American thing, and I thought,
0:23:37 > 0:23:38"Well, if they've asked me,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40"there must be, like, an English guy in it."
0:23:40 > 0:23:42So, I turned up, and they said,
0:23:42 > 0:23:45"No, no, we need you to do it in an American accent."
0:23:45 > 0:23:50Now, I only have one American accent and it's quite distinctive.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I remember one of the lines -
0:23:52 > 0:23:54it was, "You're a pretty girl, Susan..."
0:23:54 > 0:23:58This woman is coming on to me, I say, "You're a pretty girl, Susan,
0:23:58 > 0:24:01"but I thought you knew, I'm gay."
0:24:01 > 0:24:02That was the line.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04And they said, "We need to do it American."
0:24:04 > 0:24:08And the only American accent I have is Wild West old-timer.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12So, I said...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14"You're a pretty girl, Susan..."
0:24:14 > 0:24:15LAUGHTER
0:24:15 > 0:24:21"..but, here, I thought you knew - I'm gay."
0:24:21 > 0:24:22I, er...
0:24:22 > 0:24:23I didn't get the part.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29But you are doing the tour of Brokeback Mountain, so that's nice.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33But, I mean, Doctor Who...
0:24:33 > 0:24:37You decided that you were going to be a sort of south-east person.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Yeah, well, it was, sort of, decided for me.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41But, yeah, I was happy to go along with it, yeah.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Cos there was a scene in Doctor Who,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46which I was very impressed by, at the time.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Looking back now, it's such a complete cheat.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51And here it is.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52GUNS COCK
0:24:54 > 0:24:571879. Same difference.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01You will explain your presence and the nakedness of this girl.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- Are we in Scotland?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04How can you be ignorant of that?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Oh, I'm dazed and confused.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10I've been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Isn't that right, ya...timorous beastie?
0:25:14 > 0:25:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:18 > 0:25:20And the whole of England thinking,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23"That's a pretty good Scottish accent!"
0:25:23 > 0:25:25So have you made any attempt...?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Because there is coaching and things, that one can do.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32I, sort of, live in fear of the part of the lifetime coming up
0:25:32 > 0:25:37in some wonderful movie set in Johannesburg. I don't know...
0:25:37 > 0:25:41- I think Mandela has already been made.- Yes, thankfully. Yeah.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I've played Ireland a few times, Aisling,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46and I've noticed that the audience laugh with an accent.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Have you ever noticed this?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49- Maybe because you're from there, you don't notice it.- Yeah?
0:25:49 > 0:25:53So when you play the South of Ireland, there's a sort of...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56SING-SONG: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha! Ha-Ha!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58And then when you play the North, you get...
0:25:58 > 0:26:00"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"
0:26:00 > 0:26:04- You can actually hear it.- Yeah. I mean, when people try to do...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06It's funny, because when people try to do an Irish accent
0:26:06 > 0:26:09in general, they either end up doing a Caribbean accent,
0:26:09 > 0:26:11or when they try to do a Caribbean accent, they end up doing...
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Like, when they come up to me and go,
0:26:13 > 0:26:14"Oh, just back in Ireland, were you?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- CARIBBEAN ACCENT: - "How are tings in da old country?"
0:26:17 > 0:26:20And you're like, "That's not... That is not my accent."
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Anyway, we thought we might want to help you with this, David...
0:26:23 > 0:26:27- Right.- ..so, we contacted a man called Paul Meier.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28He runs a thing
0:26:28 > 0:26:31called the International Dialects of English Archive,
0:26:31 > 0:26:37and he thinks that he can teach - well, you and I to do South African.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- Would you like to give it a try? - I'd love to, yeah!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41It's written phonetically,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45and what he's done is, he's taken that scene from The Rotters' Club
0:26:45 > 0:26:47that we did in regional Midlands accents...
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- Very good! - ..and he's made it South African.
0:26:49 > 0:26:53So, if you'd like to join me on your... You can see your mark.
0:26:53 > 0:26:54I can.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Good on ya.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58OK, so, you've got to imagine, now, instead of being
0:26:58 > 0:27:03- set in the West Midlands, that suddenly we're in Jo'burg.- OK.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- And it's written...- I don't know why I'm doing it as Nelson, but...
0:27:07 > 0:27:08I...
0:27:08 > 0:27:10So, yeah, so, it's phonetic.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12OK, let's go for it.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15HE READS PHONETIC TRANSCRIPTION
0:27:21 > 0:27:22LAUGHTER
0:27:38 > 0:27:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:42 > 0:27:44- I think you've got...- Yeah.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46HE READS PHONETIC TRANSCRIPTION
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I have a feeling that if you played this backwards,
0:28:04 > 0:28:06it would sound absolutely fine.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08David Tennant, the South African accent.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:18And...finally...
0:28:19 > 0:28:21..to Aisling's choice.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Scooters.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28- Yep. - APPLAUSE
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Yep, thank you.
0:28:29 > 0:28:30Yep.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32I think we've one here, so I can show you what I mean.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Where's the one...? Do we have a scooter?
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- We do - there's one here. Are you going to...?- Yeah.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- Yeah, this is my problem with it. - Please be careful.
0:28:39 > 0:28:40- Yeah. Oh, I will. - There it is, under there.
0:28:40 > 0:28:44So, I just feel like we don't know the risks of them yet, for children,
0:28:44 > 0:28:46and - you know, like with mobile phones,
0:28:46 > 0:28:47there's been no science done yet -
0:28:47 > 0:28:52and children who are just using one leg all the time to get around,
0:28:52 > 0:28:54and what's going to happen is, all the muscles will go
0:28:54 > 0:28:58in their other leg, and then they'll only have one good leg to use.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00And I think, like, in 20 years' time,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03they're going to have to, like, develop new trousers,
0:29:03 > 0:29:06having, like, one good leg, and then one... You know.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10And there'll be adults who can just walk around in one circle...
0:29:10 > 0:29:14and then you see - my least favourite thing is the children,
0:29:14 > 0:29:16like, lazy children, who have annoyed their parents
0:29:16 > 0:29:18so much that they've given up,
0:29:18 > 0:29:21and they just stand there... David, come here for a second.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23- So, I'm the child... - Yeah.- ..and you just...
0:29:23 > 0:29:25I've given up, so you just you'll me along at this stage.
0:29:25 > 0:29:26- Oh, I do this, regularly.- Yeah.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28Come on!
0:29:29 > 0:29:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:30 > 0:29:33- That drives me nuts.- Yeah.- You know?
0:29:35 > 0:29:40And you see these...just sad dads walking with two scooters...
0:29:41 > 0:29:46They're awful. And, yeah, the worst is adults - adults on those things.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Just get a bike!
0:29:48 > 0:29:52Well, I had a scooter for much of my childhood...
0:29:52 > 0:29:55- One of those?- Well, it was a thing called a Tri-ang scooter -
0:29:55 > 0:29:59big white wheels on it, and changed my life,
0:29:59 > 0:30:02because I still, to this day, can't ride a bike.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04I find them a bit too high.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08And I hadn't quite got the self-belief -
0:30:08 > 0:30:11but this thing was sufficiently low to the ground
0:30:11 > 0:30:13that I felt confident on a scooter.
0:30:13 > 0:30:17This was the '70s - I had shoes that were higher than the scooter.
0:30:17 > 0:30:18Can you ride a bike now?
0:30:18 > 0:30:19No. AISLING GASPS
0:30:19 > 0:30:20See? They held you back.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23They stopped you from achieving what is a very simple childhood task.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25It made you lazy.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29But why do I need to ride a bike, if I can ride a scooter?
0:30:29 > 0:30:32Because when the Apocalypse comes, all the cars are going to go
0:30:32 > 0:30:35and you're going to need a bike, Frank.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39There's something about an adult on one of those scooters that -
0:30:39 > 0:30:40and I'm not trying to be dramatic -
0:30:40 > 0:30:45but it feels the same to me as still getting breast-fed at 40.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48Does it not bother you that lots and lots of children
0:30:48 > 0:30:50really, really love these scooters?
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Yes - because I feel like
0:30:52 > 0:30:56we're creating, like, a generation of crazy children
0:30:56 > 0:31:00who just don't know to, like, walk places, or cycle bikes -
0:31:00 > 0:31:04they could end up becoming stand-up comedians and not get a real job.
0:31:04 > 0:31:10- So, look, I have one last try at winning you over to the scooter.- Mm.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13This man is the current world scooter champion,
0:31:13 > 0:31:17and the first-ever British world scooter champion,
0:31:17 > 0:31:20so please welcome, Jordan Clark.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22APPLAUSE
0:31:29 > 0:31:31- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:31:34 > 0:31:35Whoo!
0:31:39 > 0:31:40Whoo!
0:31:44 > 0:31:45Whoo!
0:31:45 > 0:31:46APPLAUSE
0:31:52 > 0:31:54Amazing. And for the people in the front -
0:31:54 > 0:31:55trust me, that was great.
0:31:57 > 0:31:58I'm glad he scooted off,
0:31:58 > 0:32:00- cos I thought that was rubbish. - LAUGHTER
0:32:00 > 0:32:02I thought that was...
0:32:02 > 0:32:04He'd just go up and down, and bounced a bit,
0:32:04 > 0:32:05like on a skateboard -
0:32:05 > 0:32:08he could have at least had the dignity to jump up onto the stage,
0:32:08 > 0:32:11scoot on along that, do along the edge, and -
0:32:11 > 0:32:12you know, something like that.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15- That was just...- You know he's absolutely in bits, now, backstage.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Oh, I'm sorry, Jordan!
0:32:17 > 0:32:19Well, it's... You know.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22His severed head, now, will roll on, on a scooter.
0:32:23 > 0:32:24So...
0:32:24 > 0:32:26I'm not going to put scooters in.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29How am I going to get my son to school?
0:32:29 > 0:32:30Walking! On his legs!
0:32:30 > 0:32:32He HATES that.
0:32:33 > 0:32:34And lateness. You know what?
0:32:34 > 0:32:36You really won me over with lateness,
0:32:36 > 0:32:39- but then, I think you started change your mind.- I know - well,
0:32:39 > 0:32:42I started to think it was probably more my problem than others, really.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Yeah - yeah, but I have it, as well, and you're right,
0:32:45 > 0:32:48it might do us good to just loosen up and not worry about these things.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Yeah. And all those guys, those late guys,
0:32:50 > 0:32:53they're going to live for a very long time.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- They're even going to be late dying.- Yeah.
0:32:55 > 0:32:56Exactly.
0:32:56 > 0:33:02But I so feel your pain, that you're trying to capture the voice
0:33:02 > 0:33:05of this wondrous, wild and beautiful country,
0:33:05 > 0:33:07and you keep ending up in the West Midlands.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09Yeah.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12I am going to put David's South African accent into Room 101.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14- Thank you. - APPLAUSE
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Well, we've just got time to hear a bonus choice.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27So, let's see what David goes for.
0:33:30 > 0:33:31Flossing.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:37 > 0:33:39I feel duped by flossing.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Growing up in the '70s and the '80s...
0:33:42 > 0:33:45it didn't exist! It wasn't a thing.
0:33:45 > 0:33:46Nobody ever talked about it.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Maybe it was just the West of Scotland, but I don't think...
0:33:49 > 0:33:51I've asked around, and it just didn't...
0:33:51 > 0:33:53It just wasn't something that people talked about.
0:33:53 > 0:33:59Suddenly, around about 1990, it seems to appear, fully-formed,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02as a brand-new thing to make you feel bad about yourself.
0:34:02 > 0:34:06Something else to feel guilty that you're not doing. Out of nowhere.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09So now, instead of being introduced as, kind of,
0:34:09 > 0:34:10"Oh, we've got a brand-new thing.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13"Someone's gone out into the world and found this lovely new thing,
0:34:13 > 0:34:15"let's try it." No, they go out, they find it -
0:34:15 > 0:34:16I suspect in America...
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- Absolutely sure of it.- ..and then we'd all expected to do this.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26And if you're not doing it for an hour, three times a day,
0:34:26 > 0:34:29you're a disgusting human being, whose breath stinks
0:34:29 > 0:34:33and who has teeth like Shane McGowan. And it's...
0:34:33 > 0:34:36I-I don't understand where it came from,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39and where the, kind of, tyranny of it materialised.
0:34:39 > 0:34:41And I don't like it.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43I don't like the sensation,
0:34:43 > 0:34:47as that little bit of wire gets forced through a tiny little gap.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51And I hate that thing, as something pings out
0:34:51 > 0:34:52from under your gum line...
0:34:54 > 0:34:56..half-digested from several years back...
0:34:58 > 0:35:02..and fills your mouth with this taste like decaying corpse.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04Yeah?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06I just don't want that in my life.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12- I can't even do it properly. - No! It's so hard to do!
0:35:12 > 0:35:15I end up just, sort of, bedding it all down. It's like...
0:35:15 > 0:35:17It goes down to the bottom of the gum,
0:35:17 > 0:35:19and I think, "I can feel it on the gum,
0:35:19 > 0:35:21"it's got to bring the food out,"
0:35:21 > 0:35:22and then it comes out without the...
0:35:22 > 0:35:26It's like the food's using it as a skipping rope.
0:35:26 > 0:35:30The way you have to contort your wrists to get right at the back,
0:35:30 > 0:35:31like that hurts.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34It defies physics, what you have to try and achieve. It's impossible.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36Did you ever use these things?
0:35:36 > 0:35:39Have you ever seen these in vending machines?
0:35:39 > 0:35:40They're little, um...
0:35:40 > 0:35:44- An Irish person invented those.- Is that right?- Yeah, yeah, pretty sure.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Yeah, they are called the Fuzzy Brush.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49And it's got the toothpaste and everything on,
0:35:49 > 0:35:52it's got a, sort of, spiky thing, and you...
0:35:52 > 0:35:56Say if you meet someone at a club, and you might want to go back,
0:35:56 > 0:35:59you know, you want to freshen your breath, you have a chew.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03It's quite...quite spiky, but it does do the job.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07I saw Janet Street Porter do this with a hedgehog.
0:36:09 > 0:36:14My problem is, as I got older, my teeth have basically separated.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18So, the gaps are so big now, I really need Pac-Man.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22Do you ever floss when you're driving?
0:36:23 > 0:36:26You'll be impressed by... This is... I do this quite a bit.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36APPLAUSE
0:36:38 > 0:36:40Ideally, you need a Yorkshire terrier on the back seat,
0:36:40 > 0:36:42so you can flick the bits of...
0:36:42 > 0:36:43AUDIENCE GROANS
0:36:45 > 0:36:48I saw Janet Street Porter do it with a Ferris wheel.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52So, do you do it or is it something that you have...?
0:36:52 > 0:36:56I do, but begrudgingly. Only because I'm guilted into it by...
0:36:56 > 0:36:58by dentists.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01I feel I should be applauded for getting to the dentist, at all,
0:37:01 > 0:37:04but I get there and I get a guilt trip laid on me.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08As a former Doctor, I thought you'd like, you know...
0:37:08 > 0:37:09respect what they say.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12APPLAUSE
0:37:15 > 0:37:19With my teeth now, again, as you get older, if I have a ham sandwich,
0:37:19 > 0:37:22I would say a third of it remains in my teeth.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27I end up with a, sort of, natural gumshield.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30I could go, say, three rounds with a reasonable amateur boxer
0:37:30 > 0:37:32and be fine, because...
0:37:32 > 0:37:35So I have to, I'm always picking and having a go.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37It's fear of the hygienist that makes me do it.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39Because, if you don't do it yourself,
0:37:39 > 0:37:43she comes at you with a bit of actual metal wire!
0:37:43 > 0:37:44What is that?! That shouldn't...
0:37:44 > 0:37:47There should be a European convention against that!
0:37:47 > 0:37:50So, this is an alternative method,
0:37:50 > 0:37:54which you might find preferable to flossing.
0:37:54 > 0:37:55Come here.
0:37:56 > 0:37:57- AISLING:- Eurgh!
0:37:57 > 0:38:00AUDIENCE GROANS
0:38:00 > 0:38:01Oh, my God!
0:38:12 > 0:38:13Good job, good job.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17Tastier than sushi!
0:38:17 > 0:38:19APPLAUSE
0:38:22 > 0:38:25I've seen Janet Street Porter do it with a kestrel.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28Well, doesn't matter what I think, David, it's your bonus choice.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30- It's going into Room 101. - Thank you, Frank.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:39 > 0:38:42And that brings us to the end of the show - well done, David,
0:38:42 > 0:38:45you were the most persuasive guest, so you are this week's winner.
0:38:45 > 0:38:46Thank you.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48APPLAUSE
0:38:51 > 0:38:54In no way helped by the fact that you were Doctor Who.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56Can I point that out?
0:38:56 > 0:38:59Thanks very much, David Tennant, Sir Trevor McDonald and Aisling Bea.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01And thank you. Good night!
0:39:01 > 0:39:04APPLAUSE