0:00:27 > 0:00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101, the show where
0:00:36 > 0:00:41three guests battle to banish their bete noire to the notorious vault.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43They'll have to argue their case well because, in each round,
0:00:43 > 0:00:45only one item can be chosen.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Joining me tonight are on the money Robert Peston,
0:00:51 > 0:00:54on the funny Bridget Christie and on the Radio One-y Greg James.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05OK. Well, let's begin.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09So, what is Greg's first choice?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14The Kardashians.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Thank you and goodbye.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER
0:01:24 > 0:01:29I thought we'd start big. It's hard to know where to start, really.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32I suppose my biggest gripe is not the fact that Kim Kardashian
0:01:32 > 0:01:36has released a book of selfies, called Selfish,
0:01:36 > 0:01:40or that she has released an app game that you can do where you have to go
0:01:40 > 0:01:45from the E-list to the A-list, and that's how you complete the game.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48That's annoying... Take it from me, it's a very long game.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50LAUGHTER
0:01:50 > 0:01:54I've given half my life to it.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57So those are two annoying things, but the thing for me is that
0:01:57 > 0:02:00when I was growing up we used to watch rubbish telly and look at
0:02:00 > 0:02:05rubbish reality stars and go, "Oh, they're embarrassing, aren't they?"
0:02:05 > 0:02:06but we didn't want to be them.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Whereas now, with the Kardashians, people seem to watch it and go,
0:02:09 > 0:02:13"Well, they're idiots, aren't they, but I quite want to be like her."
0:02:13 > 0:02:16And it feels like there's a lot of particularly young girls
0:02:16 > 0:02:20that want to be like the Kardashian girls,
0:02:20 > 0:02:24and for that reason I'm going to try and put them into Room 101.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:30 > 0:02:35The thing is, I just think we need better role models, OK,
0:02:35 > 0:02:37so I've actually got a list of role models
0:02:37 > 0:02:39who are better than the Kardashians.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Would you like to hear the list? WHOOPING
0:02:41 > 0:02:45Well...it's a 29-minute show, you see.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47"A list of better role models than the Kardashians.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51"One - literally everyone else in the world, apart from murderers,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54"but even then you can argue at least they have done something
0:02:54 > 0:02:56"and have some skills."
0:02:56 > 0:02:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:00 > 0:03:03That's kind of as far as I got, really.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06You see, my view on the Kardashians is, in a way,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10they are the people's champions because I think people...
0:03:10 > 0:03:13AUDIENCE BOOS
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Just hear me out! LAUGHTER
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I think they are a rallying point for people
0:03:19 > 0:03:24who are sick of the talented hogging the limelight all the time.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I think people look at the Kardashians and think,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30"You know, if I was famous, that's what I'D be like.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33"I would just live it up, spend loads of money,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36"and, you know, not worry about stuff."
0:03:36 > 0:03:41And I can't help having a certain amount of affection for them.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I think that they've made an awful lot of money,
0:03:43 > 0:03:47and they're incredibly famous, and a lot of people would be
0:03:47 > 0:03:52inspired by their business acumen, and the way that they've
0:03:52 > 0:03:57been able to create something out of literally nothing. Yes!
0:03:57 > 0:04:01But I think they do fill an incredibly useful function,
0:04:01 > 0:04:05cos the reaction of everybody here
0:04:05 > 0:04:08is that everybody here feels better than them
0:04:08 > 0:04:12and it just makes everybody feel good about themselves.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14APPLAUSE So they do...
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I think they perform an incredibly useful function in that sense.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Interesting. They are really unpopular in here, aren't they?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Not with me! LAUGHTER
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Well, in case people here have never seen the Kardashians,
0:04:27 > 0:04:30and wonder what the hell we're talking about,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32let's have a look at Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I love this. I'm really into belts.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Do you like that with the circle, or not? Yeah.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I love this. I have to get this.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43That, I love. She really knows how to shop, huh? I know.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Whenever I shop with Kim I always get super-nervous,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47cos she buys, like, everything in sight.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52Your total is 19,723. That's after your discount.
0:04:52 > 0:04:5319,000? Mm-hm.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Kim's always had a shopping problem,
0:04:57 > 0:05:01it's just escalated as she's made more money.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:04OK, can I completely...?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I...hate them now.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:12 > 0:05:15What I like, though, is the way you see something happening
0:05:15 > 0:05:19on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and then it cuts away
0:05:19 > 0:05:22to one of the Kardashians telling you what just happened.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26She's famous for her behind,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29and she's done a whole lot of selfies of her bum
0:05:29 > 0:05:31which she calls "belfies".
0:05:32 > 0:05:34So here's one of her belfies.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37So that's the standard thing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40But the most famous one is the picture where she...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Before it went out, she said,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45"I've done a picture which is going to break the internet."
0:05:45 > 0:05:48That's how confident she is.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51And we've probably all seen this picture - and she was right,
0:05:51 > 0:05:54it was absolutely everywhere, this picture.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58She's actually officially classified now as a centaur.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01LAUGHTER
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Can I give you some quotes from the Kardashians?
0:06:04 > 0:06:07This might win you over. This is from Kim Kardashian.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15LAUGHTER
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Come on, that's a good line. That's a great line. Kim again...
0:06:22 > 0:06:25LAUGHTER
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Now, there's something wonderful about the openness of that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I once saw Peter Stringfellow on a television programme,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34and he was going out with a 17-year-old woman.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37And there was a woman in the audience asked him, she said,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39"What do you even find to talk about?"
0:06:39 > 0:06:41And he said,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"Oh, well, I'm quite lucky like that because I'm very shallow."
0:06:44 > 0:06:46LAUGHTER
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I thought, "There's something very admirable
0:06:48 > 0:06:50"about that level of honesty."
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Peter Stringfellow?
0:06:52 > 0:06:56He looks like a cross between Nosferatu and Carol Thatcher.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58LAUGHTER
0:06:58 > 0:07:00OK, Bridget, what's your choice?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Babies.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09AUDIENCE GASPS AND LAUGHS All right.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12SPORADIC APPLAUSE AND BOOS
0:07:12 > 0:07:14All right, calm down!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Yeah, the Kardashians have babies, you know.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19You didn't mind those going in the room.
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Well... OK. So obviously they're very cute.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26If they weren't cute, the human race would have died out
0:07:26 > 0:07:30a long time ago, because early humans would have gone,
0:07:30 > 0:07:36"OK, I've done three days now. I'm out. That's enough."
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I just think they're overrated.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I think that they contribute the least to society...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46LAUGHTER
0:07:46 > 0:07:51..but they are the most worshipped and revered people on earth...
0:07:51 > 0:07:53After the Kardashians.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:55They create chaos.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00If you replaced any of us with a baby, there would be chaos.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Or a pilot, or a bus driver, or...
0:08:05 > 0:08:07You can't argue with that.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09LAUGHTER
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I'm not saying I hate... I'm not a monster,
0:08:12 > 0:08:16I'm just saying that they should make a bit more of an effort.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19LAUGHTER
0:08:19 > 0:08:22But there is a problem, which is of course they do get worse...
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I know.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27As they get older, they eat you out of house and home.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29You know, they... They're rude. You never know where they are.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31They're unbelievably rude, as you say.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35I mean, I don't know... Why are you singling out babies?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Why not just...you know, all kids, or all people?
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Because babies are literally useless.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44LAUGHTER
0:08:44 > 0:08:49Have you lived with a 13-year-old boy?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Look, it was a very long time ago...
0:08:56 > 0:08:58This has become a witch-hunt!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02And the noise that they make, the sort of "wah-wah".
0:09:02 > 0:09:06I'm surprised that that hasn't changed over...
0:09:06 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Yeah.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Crying, you mean? Yeah, but can't it be something else?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I'm not saying that they should be born talking.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21No? That would be more fun, wouldn't it?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24What if they talked before?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28You could hear a little voice saying, "What, chilli again?!"
0:09:29 > 0:09:32"Any more spicy food, I'm going breech!"
0:09:34 > 0:09:36No, I like that. It would help during the birth as well,
0:09:36 > 0:09:39It would be like The Chuckle Brothers - "To me, to you."
0:09:39 > 0:09:40LAUGHTER
0:09:40 > 0:09:45I have a clip of two babies sort of talking, which I think is brilliant.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50THEY JABBER AT EACH OTHER
0:10:06 > 0:10:07APPLAUSE
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Yeah, but they're toddlers.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14They're toddlers.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Well... They've got nappies on.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18They were standing up and toddling...
0:10:18 > 0:10:21They're wearing the national costume of the baby.
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Since my son has started talking, I sleep with a baby monitor. Yeah.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27And he used to just cry in the morning, when he was a baby,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30and I'd think, "Oh, it's time to go down, you know, and get him",
0:10:30 > 0:10:32and now he calls out.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35He'll go, "It's daytime! It's daytime!"
0:10:35 > 0:10:39And I think it's God telling me about the next phase of my TV career.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42LAUGHTER
0:10:43 > 0:10:44What I remember...
0:10:44 > 0:10:48We're a member of an NCT group, which is a group you go to,
0:10:48 > 0:10:49I don't know if you know about this,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51when you're learning about having a baby.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54All the couples go, all the pregnant women and the dads.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58And we all had our babies, and then there was a new group coming
0:10:58 > 0:10:59and they were all pregnant
0:10:59 > 0:11:01and we were going to meet THEM for the first time.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03And I remember we got together and said,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05"Look, are we going to tell them the truth?"
0:11:05 > 0:11:07LAUGHTER
0:11:08 > 0:11:09You can't, you have to keep it back,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12otherwise no-one would ever have children.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I live in quite a middle-class area, and, sort of,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19other mothers will kind of judge you, you know, if your baby's
0:11:19 > 0:11:22got a dummy in its mouth, you know, or a cigarette or something,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25it's just really...judgmental. You know.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27And other people's...
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Oh! THEY'RE boring.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Other people's babies are boring. It's like conversation.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Other people's conversation - extremely tedious.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Your own - amazing.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44My lowest ebb... My son is three years old, right?
0:11:44 > 0:11:49I came down from Birmingham, moved to London to seek fame and fortune.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I said to my son, "Nanny Sandra's coming round next week"
0:11:53 > 0:11:56and he said, "Nanny S-aa-ndra".
0:11:56 > 0:11:58LAUGHTER
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Did he really? He honestly said that.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08Just to balance this, let's have a look at a bit of brotherly love.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11It's a little boy playing with his little baby brother
0:12:11 > 0:12:16just to remind us that babies can be a beautiful thing.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Ba-ba-ba!
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Ba-ba-ba-b...
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Eurgh!
0:12:26 > 0:12:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:32 > 0:12:36I had forgotten about the joy of projectile vomiting, actually.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38That is a joy. It is a joy.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Anyway, Robert, what's winding YOU up?
0:12:45 > 0:12:46So...
0:12:46 > 0:12:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:52 > 0:12:55So it's the Devil's own material,
0:12:55 > 0:13:01Lycra - or spandex, as it's known in some quarters -
0:13:01 > 0:13:06and plainly what I loathe most about it
0:13:06 > 0:13:10is when it's worn by people of my age on bicycles.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14It's a particularly terrifying prospect.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17But actually I hate it in all its forms.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I mean, it seems to me - we're talking about babies
0:13:20 > 0:13:26but I think...shouldn't be allowed to wear those sort of Lycra Speedos
0:13:26 > 0:13:27when you're over five,
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I think anybody over five looks utterly ridiculous.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Five? Are you down the lido going, "He's six. Get them off.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38"You look stupid."
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I think athletes that wear...
0:13:40 > 0:13:43It's also like a form of...sort of drug cheating.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47I mean, why can't athletes just wear some baggy shorts and a...?
0:13:47 > 0:13:49You know, they all wear all this sort of clingy stuff -
0:13:49 > 0:13:51why is that technology all right
0:13:51 > 0:13:56but, you know, taking steroids is wrong? I mean, it's all...
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Very good case. ..it's all performance-enhancing stuff...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I'd like to see Lycra testing.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04LAUGHTER
0:14:04 > 0:14:06And then there's disco. Right?
0:14:06 > 0:14:10I mean, you know, I'm a great disco fan, but disco pants?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13No, no, no. Disco hot pants? No.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15These are crimes against good taste.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18What do you wear at the disco, then? Me? Yeah.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Oh, I just wear a sort of spangly suit with a frilly shirt.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25LAUGHTER
0:14:25 > 0:14:27What do you swim in, Robert?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Baggy shorts. Baggy shorts? Yeah.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Is that wrong?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34They could come off. They don't tend to.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Are you the sort of person that sits in the Jacuzzi and likes them
0:14:37 > 0:14:38when they blow up?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40LAUGHTER
0:14:40 > 0:14:44That is good. Funny you should say that. Yeah.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45I've got you marked.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48I think if I had a better body
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I probably would be happy to wear Lycra.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53That's the bottom line. If I wear Lycra,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I look like a reptile.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58LAUGHTER
0:14:58 > 0:15:03I mean, I wear a tie because my throat needs to be tethered now...
0:15:03 > 0:15:05LAUGHTER
0:15:05 > 0:15:08..cos, in a strong draught, it will actually move.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Can I ask you a question? Would you be prepared to wear this?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Er, no.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19These are commercially available on the internet. Jesus.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21The Robert Peston T-shirt.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23This is your old look. It is the old look.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26And what I love about this is the seller says,
0:15:26 > 0:15:30"It's a high-quality garment featuring..." You'll like this.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32"..the BBC's face of the recession."
0:15:32 > 0:15:35LAUGHTER
0:15:37 > 0:15:40APPLAUSE
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Anyway, you've all argued incredibly well.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I don't feel, Bridget, I can put babies in. No.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50They have their downside. There's no doubt about that.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51They can...
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Well, I don't think it would be too much to say they can ruin your life.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56LAUGHTER
0:15:56 > 0:16:00But they are also sort of what we need to continue,
0:16:00 > 0:16:02so I think we're kind of stuck with them.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06The Kardashians. I think the fact that you...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09AUDIENCE CHEERS
0:16:09 > 0:16:11APPLAUSE
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I love the British public,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18but I wouldn't trust them with a capital punishment referendum.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20LAUGHTER
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I've always thought the more people that say something,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25the more chance it is to be wrong,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28so I'm not going with the Kardashians.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Ahhh. AUDIENCE BOOS
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I never said this was a democracy.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I don't know where you got that crazy idea from.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40But Lycra, I think it probably is true that Lycra
0:16:40 > 0:16:44is made for people with really good bodies and I hate them,
0:16:44 > 0:16:47so I'm going to put Lycra into Room 101.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50APPLAUSE
0:16:57 > 0:16:59OK.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02So, what's Bridget's choice?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08People's sense of entitlement.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:14 > 0:17:16It seems to me that when I'm out,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19say, for example, I'm driving my car.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21People walk out in front of me all the time
0:17:21 > 0:17:26and I have to slam the brakes on, and they look at me,
0:17:26 > 0:17:31and they're so angry that I'm driving my car on the road...
0:17:32 > 0:17:35..which is where it's supposed to be.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38People are rude. I picked up a phone.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43I was in a cafe and I was sat back-to-back with a woman like this,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and she dropped her phone, so I picked her phone up.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48It was under my chair, and I turned round and went,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51"Oh, excuse me, you've dropped your phone," and she just went like that.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55She didn't even turn around and make eye contact.
0:17:55 > 0:18:00She just put her hand like that for me to put the phone into her hand.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03I think people have a general sense of narcissistic entitlement,
0:18:03 > 0:18:07where I think technology, credit, everything,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09we don't wait for anything any more.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12We can have whatever we want all the time,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15so we just expect everything all the time.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18We expect to be able to walk out into the road
0:18:18 > 0:18:20and nearly cause an accident.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23I blame the Kardashians.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27I think it's because they know, they've finally worked out
0:18:27 > 0:18:29that motorists will not drive straight at them
0:18:29 > 0:18:31if they're standing in the road.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33That was a sad day when they worked that out.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35LAUGHTER
0:18:35 > 0:18:40Can I just...? I mean, the general thesis I completely accept,
0:18:40 > 0:18:44but you're absolutely sure you're not a shockingly bad driver?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49It seems to happen a lot to you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51No, I mean, I drive very fast. No.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Well, look, I live in quite a very nice area
0:18:55 > 0:18:58and I took my child to the playground
0:18:58 > 0:19:00and the playground was locked that day
0:19:00 > 0:19:03and it was locked because the person who has to watch over,
0:19:03 > 0:19:07the safety person, wasn't there, so they locked the playground,
0:19:07 > 0:19:12and a lot of parents had climbed over the fence and gone in
0:19:12 > 0:19:14and the kids were still playing,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17so I said to my son, "We can't go in the playground cos it's locked."
0:19:17 > 0:19:19He could see people in there,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22and he was...he was crying that he couldn't go in.
0:19:22 > 0:19:27Now, I was angry partly that they had disobeyed the notice,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31which I would never do, but also, I knew, deep down,
0:19:31 > 0:19:33that one of the reasons I wasn't doing it
0:19:33 > 0:19:37was cos I didn't fancy my chances of getting over the fence.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41So there was an old-dad thing,
0:19:41 > 0:19:44but I am very obedient by nature.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48I don't think I have ever eaten an After Eight mint
0:19:48 > 0:19:50before eight o'clock.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51LAUGHTER
0:19:51 > 0:19:54It brings out the worst in me, though, all this sort of behaviour.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Do you ever fantasise?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Do you ever have the harpoon fantasy,
0:19:58 > 0:20:02where you see someone doing something bad and you fire a harpoon?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05So you get the "KRRRRR"! It goes into their back,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09and then you're able to reel them in for an informative debriefing.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15That's my thing. Let's see what is angering Robert.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21So...
0:20:21 > 0:20:23APPLAUSE
0:20:25 > 0:20:30So managers have been responsible for one or two minor crimes.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Mis-selling billions of insurance to us,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35bankrupting the banks and the economy,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37but perhaps, more than anything,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40murdering the English language is what gets me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44So, it's a mixture of things.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47It's sort of pretending to say something meaningful
0:20:47 > 0:20:50when actually they're saying something meaningless.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55It's prefacing an expression with a phrase like "going forward".
0:20:55 > 0:20:57"Going forward, we will do something."
0:20:57 > 0:20:59You don't need "going forward".
0:20:59 > 0:21:02You just have to say, "We will be doing something or other."
0:21:02 > 0:21:05And then there are all these sort of weird sort of metaphors,
0:21:05 > 0:21:09often taken from technology.
0:21:09 > 0:21:14"So let's take this offline and then drill down
0:21:14 > 0:21:19"and we'll kick this whole thing out of the ballpark."
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I mean, total meaningless nonsense.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26The more jargon that they use is normally associated with
0:21:26 > 0:21:30the sort of less intelligence that they actually have
0:21:30 > 0:21:34and then I suppose the other side of it, which I dislike intensely,
0:21:34 > 0:21:39it's the disguising of really quite bad things
0:21:39 > 0:21:43in language which is meant to sort of make it all sound
0:21:43 > 0:21:44sort of scientific and technocratic.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49So, you know, you've probably come across the expression "downsizing".
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Mm. Means sacking people.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55There's another expression, which is "achieving cost synergies".
0:21:55 > 0:21:57That's sacking people again.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I have to say, I love it. Do you?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Isn't it great that the language is constantly growing and developing?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07It's not, though. These are meaningless phrases.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11What does "forward planning" mean? It just means planning.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15It's like mega-planning. I think that's all right. Do you?!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Like, you know, when I knew you were going to do this topic,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I was looking forward to it,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22and hoping it wasn't going to be an anticipointment...
0:22:22 > 0:22:24LAUGHTER
0:22:24 > 0:22:25..and that is an actual word.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28It's when you've been looking forward to something
0:22:28 > 0:22:29and then it doesn't work out.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32This is a management speak word. They call it an anticipointment.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35I like the fact that language is growing.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37You know this thing about people who have their lunch...
0:22:37 > 0:22:40They don't go off, they just eat at their desk,
0:22:40 > 0:22:42and they call it eating "al desko".
0:22:42 > 0:22:44LAUGHTER
0:22:44 > 0:22:47It's great. Listen to that. It's beautiful.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49That's humour. That's different.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52We've got some of the management speak that's recently entered
0:22:52 > 0:22:54the Oxford English Dictionary.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56"Go juice". What's that?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01Go juice. It can just mean, like, you know, petrol, or fuel,
0:23:01 > 0:23:07or it can be mean that in us which makes us...go.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09"We need more go juice in this organisation."
0:23:09 > 0:23:14I love that. See if you can get what these are. Hyper-local.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Hyper-local? Hyper-local.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Very local. Very local.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Why bother changing that? That's just...
0:23:21 > 0:23:25I like very local, but we've got to be hyper-local.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28You'd agree that "staycation" is a good word, wouldn't you? No.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I quite like staycation. Staycation is good.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35It's also not really management speak. It's just bollocks.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:41 > 0:23:44What it means, if I wanted to save on go juice,
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I could have a hyper-local staycation.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50OK. Greg's gripe.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Politicians pretending to be normal
0:24:04 > 0:24:09and I don't believe it, and I don't want them to be bothered with stuff
0:24:09 > 0:24:12that everyone else is bothered with cos they've got too much to do.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15I don't want a politician talking about someone's showstopper
0:24:15 > 0:24:17on the Bake Off.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I think there's too much to be... The NHS needs to be sorted out.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Get back to work. Stop watching telly. You've got stuff to do.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Can I point out that, by the time this show goes out,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33the NHS might have been sorted out?
0:24:33 > 0:24:36LAUGHTER
0:24:36 > 0:24:40Like David Cameron got caught out supporting the wrong football team.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Can I...? We actually have that clip.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Right, OK. So, sit back and enjoy, Greg. Yeah.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48You can support Man United, the Windies
0:24:48 > 0:24:51and Team GB all at the same time.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55Course, I'd rather you supported West Ham.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Um, sorry, I had, er ...
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I had what, um, Natalie would describe as a brain-fade.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I'm a Villa fan. I don't know what happened to me.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07I must have been overcome by something, er, this morning.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Um, but there we are.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12These things sometimes happen, when, er...when you're on the stump.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14LAUGHTER
0:25:14 > 0:25:18I must admit, when I'm on the stump, I do have some...
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I can't think straight.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Also, not the first time he's got in trouble over ham.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27CHEERING
0:25:28 > 0:25:31You just don't get your football teams mixed up.
0:25:31 > 0:25:36The worrying thing is they both play in a very similar kit,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38but you wouldn't think,
0:25:38 > 0:25:41"Oh, maybe that's my team, they look a bit like them."
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Yeah, that's the thing.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Don't pretend about it because you'll get found out
0:25:45 > 0:25:47and it's not that he had a brain-fade.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50He just doesn't support either of them. That is the problem.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I think one of the problems is that politicians always have to be
0:25:53 > 0:25:56something that they aren't, that seems to be the pressure.
0:25:56 > 0:26:01When John Redwood became Secretary of State for Wales,
0:26:01 > 0:26:03he'd only just got the job
0:26:03 > 0:26:07and then he ends up singing this really famous Welsh anthem.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11He should have just accepted... "Obviously, I don't know this yet."
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Instead, he obviously felt pressured to try and be Welsh!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19THEY SING THE WELSH NATIONAL ANTHEM
0:26:19 > 0:26:23LAUGHTER
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I mean, had he really belted it out in Welsh,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51in this magnificent tenor voice, would they have liked him any more?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54They'd have hated him for that, wouldn't they?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Don't you think that the public have slightly brought this on themselves,
0:26:58 > 0:27:04in that they seem to want sort of blokey-type, you know,
0:27:04 > 0:27:08your Nigel Farages and your Borises, blokes that are a bit...
0:27:10 > 0:27:12If the British public completely had their way,
0:27:12 > 0:27:17don't they really want to vote for Top Gear? Yeah.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20What about Ed Miliband's kitchen?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Ed Miliband got interviewed in his...
0:27:22 > 0:27:25We have a picture of the kitchen and there he is.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Now, that's a very ordinary kitchen,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29like a lot of people have got in their homes.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Someone then said, "Hold on, I've been to Ed Miliband's house.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36"He's got a much bigger, nicer kitchen than that.
0:27:36 > 0:27:37"It's a lovely kitchen."
0:27:37 > 0:27:39So Ed Miliband said this.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Throwing in a bit of domestic.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56He's basically saying,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59"We don't eat in the one downstairs cos it's too near to the front door
0:27:59 > 0:28:01"and there's quite a lot of dog excrement coming in,
0:28:01 > 0:28:03"it's not hygienic."
0:28:03 > 0:28:07And it's about time David Miliband just forgave and forgot.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09LAUGHTER
0:28:09 > 0:28:11But, clearly, there's no doubt
0:28:11 > 0:28:14that they got photographed in the little kitchen
0:28:14 > 0:28:16cos it made them look more humble and normal.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20But if he'd just said, "Guys, I've got a stunt kitchen,"
0:28:20 > 0:28:22you'd go, "Great, it sounds brilliant."
0:28:22 > 0:28:26I don't mind the leader of a major political party in this country
0:28:26 > 0:28:27having a nice kitchen.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30I'm fine with that. Yeah.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34If we have an example of what seems like a normal person...
0:28:34 > 0:28:35When I say normal,
0:28:35 > 0:28:38obviously you have to be brighter than a lot of people.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41But Mhairi Black, who's the Scottish MP,
0:28:41 > 0:28:46a young woman who got in, in the 2015 election, for the SNP,
0:28:46 > 0:28:49as soon as she got in, and everyone loved the fact
0:28:49 > 0:28:53that this seemingly down-to-earth person got in,
0:28:53 > 0:28:57they went straight back all over her social network stuff to find out,
0:28:57 > 0:29:01"God, she actually IS an ordinary person. It's an outrage!"
0:29:01 > 0:29:05So, for example, when she was at school, she made this tweet.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09LAUGHTER
0:29:09 > 0:29:12I mean, that's just right, isn't it? That's what people think.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16This one. Too many asterisks, though. No, not in Scotland.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18No. Oh, I suppose you're right.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20E on the end, don't forget. Yeah.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22Language always developing, Robert.
0:29:22 > 0:29:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:27 > 0:29:30And this one. This is an insight into her social life.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35LAUGHTER
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Like most people of her age, there's nothing... But that's great.
0:29:39 > 0:29:41Exactly, but people condemn her for that,
0:29:41 > 0:29:43so they don't want you to be ordinary.
0:29:43 > 0:29:47There was one of her messages which I did think was a bit unacceptable.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53LAUGHTER
0:29:55 > 0:29:57I take that personally, but other than that...
0:29:57 > 0:29:59LAUGHTER
0:29:59 > 0:30:02I've got a problem here, cos I'm not going to put in management speak,
0:30:02 > 0:30:04Robert, because I love it so.
0:30:04 > 0:30:08I'm very torn between the other two, because I do wish politicians
0:30:08 > 0:30:12would just be politicians and stop being normal.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16But if we don't stamp on the sense of entitlement thing,
0:30:16 > 0:30:20I feel the whole of society might go into one of those twisty things
0:30:20 > 0:30:24that it does above a plughole and disappear.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25So I am going to have to put
0:30:25 > 0:30:28people's sense of entitlement into Room 101.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:38 > 0:30:40Right, we've just got time for a bonus choice,
0:30:40 > 0:30:43so let's see what Greg's gone for.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49CROWD GASPS OK.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Spectators at Wimbledon.
0:30:51 > 0:30:55And I want to just say that I really like Wimbledon, before we go on,
0:30:55 > 0:30:57and I used to queue up, as a kid,
0:30:57 > 0:31:00I really liked it, but it always wound me up
0:31:00 > 0:31:05that the crowd would clap too much, too often, for everything.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08APPLAUSE So the situation... Don't clap now!
0:31:08 > 0:31:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:11 > 0:31:12So...
0:31:12 > 0:31:14Was that ironic, or not? I can't work that out.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Have I won?
0:31:16 > 0:31:18So, OK, I can use you in this demonstration,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20so they're playing a point.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24Suddenly there is a phone that goes off in Centre Court
0:31:24 > 0:31:25and everyone is like, "Ohh..."
0:31:25 > 0:31:28The players have stopped playing and the umpire has to go,
0:31:28 > 0:31:31"Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure you keep things quiet
0:31:31 > 0:31:34"for the sake of the players," and then everyone starts clapping...
0:31:34 > 0:31:36APPLAUSE
0:31:36 > 0:31:38..which delays it again and again and again,
0:31:38 > 0:31:40so the thing just keeps going on.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44Someone shouts, they go, "Please keep quiet..." Everyone is clapping.
0:31:44 > 0:31:49And also, it feels like they're surprised when a rally happens.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52So, if a rally last longer than maybe eight shots,
0:31:52 > 0:31:55it's all quiet and everyone is just going...
0:31:56 > 0:31:58..and then, maybe about eight or nine shots,
0:31:58 > 0:32:00someone starts going, "Ooh!"
0:32:02 > 0:32:04And then there's a, "Oh!"
0:32:04 > 0:32:06And then someone will go, "Ohh!"
0:32:06 > 0:32:09And then someone will start going,
0:32:09 > 0:32:11"I can't believe it's lasting longer than eight!"
0:32:11 > 0:32:14And then suddenly someone goes, "Oh! Ohh! Oh! Oh!"
0:32:14 > 0:32:17And then it's this hilarious thing. What were you expecting?
0:32:17 > 0:32:19This is Wimbledon, they're having rallies.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22See, I've got a problem with this, which is,
0:32:22 > 0:32:25I think I quite like the crowd
0:32:25 > 0:32:27and I can't stand what's happening on the court.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31You know, on the court you've got
0:32:31 > 0:32:35these amazing overpaid prima donnas, no personalities.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37At least people out there are having a good time.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40The people on the court don't seem to enjoy themselves at all.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44They hate what they do, they hate each other... It's... It's ghastly!
0:32:45 > 0:32:49I've only been to Wimbledon once. It is, without doubt,
0:32:49 > 0:32:52the most middle-class thing I have ever experienced in my life,
0:32:52 > 0:32:55and I kind of love it for that because the British middle class
0:32:55 > 0:32:58are very unfashionable now and it's...
0:32:58 > 0:33:01I think I was the only person there who didn't own
0:33:01 > 0:33:04at least one piece of Princess Diana crockery.
0:33:05 > 0:33:10That was the feeling I got and it was like a theme park, like Posh Land.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14You know, I love all that. There's a woman here
0:33:14 > 0:33:17with what you would call a tennis-court hat and I think this...
0:33:17 > 0:33:21This is part of the sort of wacky British eccentric...
0:33:21 > 0:33:25Look at that, it's actually a solar panel that illuminates her teeth.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31And this woman has completely pushed the boat out.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36Look forward to seeing her at the table tennis!
0:33:38 > 0:33:41But I like that, I like the dressing up,
0:33:41 > 0:33:43I like the weirdness, I like the eccentricity
0:33:43 > 0:33:46and also, you don't often see swearing at the tennis,
0:33:46 > 0:33:51but Andy Murray's now wife, Kim Sears, was accused of swearing.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54He played a guy called Tomas Berdych
0:33:54 > 0:33:58and I personally don't think she's swearing,
0:33:58 > 0:34:02but Andy wins a point and then we cut to Kim in the crowd.
0:34:02 > 0:34:03See what you think.
0:34:07 > 0:34:10CROWD CHEERS
0:34:12 > 0:34:16CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Wow! Wow!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23Now, I have watched this several times.
0:34:23 > 0:34:24My guess is that she's saying,
0:34:24 > 0:34:28"Fear not, there is a shelf underneath five windows."
0:34:29 > 0:34:32I think she's mulling over a cryptic crossword clue.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37I'll tell you something, one of the most famous noises...
0:34:37 > 0:34:40I mean, yes, the applause and the "Come on, Andy," and all that...
0:34:40 > 0:34:43One of the most famous noises that I really like is...
0:34:43 > 0:34:45FEMALE PLAYER GRUNTS
0:34:46 > 0:34:49That's Maria Sharapova really giving it some.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51FEMALE PLAYER GRUNTS
0:34:51 > 0:34:56Now, people condemn that, but that's a sound of Wimbledon I love.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59I think it's quite funny that people get annoyed about that in the crowd.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04Apparently, she reaches 109 decibels at her loudest,
0:35:04 > 0:35:08which is only slightly quieter than a chainsaw.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11Here's Maria.
0:35:13 > 0:35:15Incredible...shoulders.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18They are a parrot's dream.
0:35:21 > 0:35:23That's like a three-bedroom flat to a parrot.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28If you go to Wimbledon, I don't know,
0:35:28 > 0:35:32but you are given a brochure about queueing.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34No! No!
0:35:34 > 0:35:37And it gives you general how-to-behave-at-Wimbledon tips.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40We've got some of the things...
0:35:40 > 0:35:42They have little slogans
0:35:42 > 0:35:45telling you what you can and can't do at Wimbledon.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47That's nobody from the North.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49LAUGHTER
0:35:50 > 0:35:52No...
0:35:53 > 0:35:59That's actually... No flares is the idea, so you know when people,
0:35:59 > 0:36:01like in Spanish football games, hold...
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Something I must say has worked really well at Wimbledon.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07I don't think I've ever seen any coloured flares held up,
0:36:07 > 0:36:09maybe in the '70s. But...
0:36:09 > 0:36:11LAUGHTER
0:36:11 > 0:36:14So, that's one of the things that you are warned against
0:36:14 > 0:36:16and then here's another.
0:36:16 > 0:36:20Now, this is those sort of camping seats.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24Now, you would think, what would be the problem with those?
0:36:24 > 0:36:26But they are... I want to show you a piece of footage
0:36:26 > 0:36:29which suggests why you shouldn't take these to the tennis
0:36:29 > 0:36:32and I'd particularly like you to listen to the commentary on this.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34It's extremely informative.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37And that will do Team Elton a whole lot of good.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40They get the victory, but more importantly,
0:36:40 > 0:36:42the lead now just down to four.
0:36:47 > 0:36:48Oh!
0:36:51 > 0:36:52Ohh!
0:36:54 > 0:36:55Ooh!
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Also, there was a moment this year
0:37:01 > 0:37:05when Andy Murray went off for a prolonged break
0:37:05 > 0:37:08and he was obviously just going to the toilet
0:37:08 > 0:37:10and he was having... extended toilet break,
0:37:10 > 0:37:13but the toilets are really close to the court,
0:37:13 > 0:37:16so the crowd thought, "He's taking his time here,"
0:37:16 > 0:37:18it was about eight minutes, nine minutes,
0:37:18 > 0:37:20so there was a slow clap started.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23Can you imagine the pressure
0:37:23 > 0:37:25of being sat on the toilet
0:37:25 > 0:37:27and you've got 20,000 people doing a slow clap?
0:37:27 > 0:37:31It's horrible when you're on a plane and someone's knocking on the door.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Imagine that times 20,000,
0:37:33 > 0:37:35that's what they have to deal with, these top players. Yeah.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38You don't want to be on the toilet, someone shouting, "Come on, Tim! "
0:37:38 > 0:37:41LAUGHTER
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Well, doesn't matter what I think, Greg,
0:37:43 > 0:37:46it's your bonus choice, it's going into Room 101.
0:37:46 > 0:37:47Yes!
0:37:47 > 0:37:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:55 > 0:37:57And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Well done, Bridget, you were the most persuasive guest,
0:37:59 > 0:38:02so you are this week's winner.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:07 > 0:38:10Thanks very much, Bridget Christie, Greg James and Robert Peston,
0:38:10 > 0:38:12and thank you, goodnight.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Everybody loves sitcom. I've watched a lot of telly,
0:38:43 > 0:38:46and I know them extremely well. I'm hoping to win.
0:38:46 > 0:38:49I'll just do anything to be in a clip.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Are you having a breakdown?
0:38:51 > 0:38:54A bottomless pit of telly.