0:00:29 > 0:00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40the show where three guests battle to banish their bete noires
0:00:40 > 0:00:42to the notorious vault.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45They'll have to argue their case well because, in each round,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48only one item can be chosen. The final decision is mine.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Joining me tonight are Murder On The Dance Floor, Sophie Ellis-Bextor,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Murder In The Cathedral, Rob Beckett,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57and murder, but only if he felt there was no alternative, Ross Kemp.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:07OK, so, let's get ready to grumble,
0:01:07 > 0:01:08and we'll begin with Rob.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Um, I've gone for teeth.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26- Yeah. It's a little bit awkward... - Yeah!- ..I'll be honest with you.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Just cos I've had a lot of abuse about my teeth over the years,
0:01:28 > 0:01:32and I might have had a sort of easier life if I didn't have teeth.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Um... But if everyone didn't have teeth,
0:01:36 > 0:01:38I think it'd just be easier all round, just cos...
0:01:38 > 0:01:40they're a pain, aren't they?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42You've got to clean them...twice a day, you've got to go to
0:01:42 > 0:01:45the dentist, which everyone hates, when they hurt,
0:01:45 > 0:01:46they really hurt,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49and also I sort of think you'd lose weight,
0:01:49 > 0:01:51because all you'd have is soup!
0:01:51 > 0:01:56And I've never seen an overweight person knocking back soup all day.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- No.- Easier with the shop, innit?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01"What we got?" "Soup again." "Got nothing to chew it with."
0:02:01 > 0:02:05And I just think it would just be easier if everyone had no teeth.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I'm thinking of some of the implications as we speak.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- I think, yeah, I mean...- Yeah.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17..I feel that your teeth are almost your identity.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Oh, yeah, I would be unemployed if I had no teeth.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It's a terrible system, isn't it, as well?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25You have to... You're going through
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- the agonies as a tiny baby of teething.- Yeah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29- Teething.- And you think...
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Aw, the baby must think,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34because it doesn't know the wider implications,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37"Thank God I've got that out the way."
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I've got...like, a little baby and the teeth,
0:02:40 > 0:02:45the poor thing - they're like tomb stones coming out of her head.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- These massive things coming down and she's..."I'm sorry."- Yeah.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50I wonder why they're so big?
0:02:52 > 0:02:53And, also, you could have fizzy drinks.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56You've not got to worry about sugar, sweets. Chocolate,
0:02:56 > 0:03:00you haven't got to worry. You can have Ribena every day!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Are you aware of the national obesity crisis?
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Yes, Frank, but we're already on soup, aren't we?
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Oh, so soup and sweets. - Soup and sweets.- Yeah!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15There's a Twitter feed called Without Teeth.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Oh!- And it's pictures of celebrities without...
0:03:19 > 0:03:20what they would look like.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23There's one of Barack Obama,
0:03:23 > 0:03:26who, um...does look very different.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I think he looks great!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I think I used to drink with him...
0:03:34 > 0:03:35LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:03:35 > 0:03:39..in the late '70s. I'm sure that I remember that bloke!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41So, we've got you with no teeth,
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- Rob, if you'd want to see what that would look like.- Oh, wow.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Here we go.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Everyone looks more fun!- I was gonna say, you do look really sweet.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- Don't they?!- Like you're from Muppets or something.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You'd absolutely smash through a Mr Whippy, wouldn't you?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Bosh!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Here's Ross.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02LAUGHTER
0:04:04 > 0:04:06And here's Sophie.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Wow.- Wow.- Wow, that's like an extra 40 years along with losing my teeth.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Wow.- Yeah, and it's made your whole mouth look, well, bigger.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20LAUGHTER
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Sometimes, when I'm somewhere, and there's bottles of beer
0:04:22 > 0:04:23and no-one can find a bottle opener,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25- I can open the bottles with my teeth.- Ooh!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- How about that?- That's impressive.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- I'd need teeth.- You wouldn't be able to do that just with gummy gum-gums,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- would you?- I would not. So, what would happen then?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Get a bottle opener.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36- Well, you can't find it.- Oh, yeah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Yeah. That's good, though, because, you see,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42if Ross said he could open bottles with his teeth, I'd think,
0:04:42 > 0:04:44"Well, of course you can."
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- But I can't, there's the whole point of that.- You can't? Really?!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48No, he just bites the top off.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51These are my third set of front ones.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- OK.- Oh, really?- Wow.- Yeah. One, two, three.- What happened to them?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56First one, kicked out playing rugby,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59and then a really bad night in Caracas, like you do.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Is that a nightclub?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03No! It's the capital of Venezuela.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Oh, I thought it was a nightclub in Croydon, Cer-ackers.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08- LAUGHTER - It might be...
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Two for one on Sambuca on a Wednesday. Cer-ackers!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I don't rememb... I don't remember much about it.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Did you have shoes and a shirt to get in?- But I did wake up
0:05:16 > 0:05:20the next morning with, like, everyone looking at me, going...
0:05:20 > 0:05:21LAUGHTER
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I'm going, "What? What?"
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- I'd taken off all the fascias cos I'd hit the marble bar...- Wow.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30..and I'm going, "I will never drink again."
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Have you stuck with that? - A little bit.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35OK.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37I went to my dentist and he said,
0:05:37 > 0:05:40"Look, I need to broach the subject with you.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44"I-I-I think you need to whiten your teeth."
0:05:44 > 0:05:47And I said, "No, I've always been against..."
0:05:47 > 0:05:50You know celebrities with the super white...
0:05:50 > 0:05:51They look like they could...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54If they smiled, they could read in bed.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58And I said, "I don't want to be..."
0:05:58 > 0:06:00And he said, "Well, no, I'm not talking about you...
0:06:00 > 0:06:05"not so much making them white as making them less green."
0:06:05 > 0:06:08This is what he honestly said to me, my dentist.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12And I said, "I don't want the super white," this is what he said to me,
0:06:12 > 0:06:17"I don't think that you'll live long enough to get them that white."
0:06:19 > 0:06:22No, don't take this badly, Rob.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26I've got a clip of a dog,
0:06:26 > 0:06:30and it... I think it does look a bit like you.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- It better be a fit dog, Frank. - In the nicest possible way.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35It's a beautiful dog. Here it is.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Hey, Charlie. What you got?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39TOY SQUEAKS
0:06:39 > 0:06:41What's that?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Is it a new toy?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Is that your new...? - SHE LAUGHS
0:06:46 > 0:06:48LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Oh, good, he took it well!
0:07:00 > 0:07:03OK, what's upsetting Sophie?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05So many things.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08This is misplaced clapping.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09APPLAUSE
0:07:09 > 0:07:11FRANK LAUGHS
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- It's OK. That was placed in the right place.- They're good.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Um...- They're good, this crowd. - It might need... Yeah.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19No? All right!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21You're all brilliant at this one!
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- So, I'm thinking any time clapping doesn't really need to happen. - APPLAUSE
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, all right!
0:07:26 > 0:07:30I'm so confused, I'm like, "They like it, they don't like it."
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Things like when the plane lands, and people clap when a plane lands.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36People clapping at the end of a film in the cinema
0:07:36 > 0:07:39when no-one from the film is in the room to hear it.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42People clapping when a waiter drops plates.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46So, yeah, extraneous clapping.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47The first plane I ever went on,
0:07:47 > 0:07:50they clapped when we landed and I thought it was just...
0:07:50 > 0:07:52It was with the Wright Brothers.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57APPLAUSE
0:08:02 > 0:08:04But it's the weirdest thing.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Does that mean if you were on a plane and it was going down,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- they'd start booing?- Exactly!
0:08:09 > 0:08:12It's only doing what it's supposed to do. You don't need the clap.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I think that's fair enough.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I was at a gig once,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Blackfoot Sue at Birmingham Town Hall,
0:08:19 > 0:08:22and they came on and I ran up to the stage like that,
0:08:22 > 0:08:26thinking that 200 people would follow me,
0:08:26 > 0:08:27and I started all this
0:08:27 > 0:08:31and I realised no-one had come with me at all,
0:08:31 > 0:08:35I was looking at the security guard thinking, "Please make me sit down,"
0:08:35 > 0:08:39which they didn't, and I had to dance for a bit,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42but the band was sort of going...
0:08:44 > 0:08:46The band weren't dancing that much,
0:08:46 > 0:08:50and in the end I had to dance sort of towards my chair
0:08:50 > 0:08:52and then dance with my knees bent,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55and then gradually land. Ah, man.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Just unbearable.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59That's like in X Factor, innit,
0:08:59 > 0:09:02when someone, like, they go to give a standing ovation
0:09:02 > 0:09:03after a performance,
0:09:03 > 0:09:05and all the other judges haven't done it,
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- and they just slowly sneak back into their seat.- Yeah. Oh, I know.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I find over laughing in theatres...
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Oh, yeah, that's very annoying. - ..worse than... So, like,
0:09:14 > 0:09:18you do a comedy gig, people laugh at the end of a joke, but when you go to, like, a straight play
0:09:18 > 0:09:22and one person does, like, one little thing of, like, a pun or something like, "Duh-DUH-duh!"
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Everyone goes, "A-HA-HA, oh, my God, that's so funny!"
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Well, they do it in... - Shut up, you're rubbish!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30In Shakespeare, people do it, they're like,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- "Ah, I show I understand." - That's right! It's like,
0:09:32 > 0:09:34"I'm cleverer than you are... because I got the joke first."
0:09:34 > 0:09:38In Warhorse, oh, my God, there's a about a 20-minute bit all in French.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40So you get, like, loads of geezers laughing.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Like, "Oh-ho, I know French." Oh, shut up, mate.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Showing off you know French,
0:09:45 > 0:09:49pretending to laugh at a rubbish joke about a wooden horse.
0:09:49 > 0:09:54I wouldn't mind a few of those people in tonight.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I have this thing if, when I go to West Brom games,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00occasionally they get booed off at half-time.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02- I can't explain it.- No.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05But whenever they get booed off at half-time,
0:10:05 > 0:10:06when they come out for the second-half,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09they always get cheers and applause.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13And I think, "What have they done to win the crowd back over?"
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Yeah.- Not play!
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Yeah.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19It's like absence makes the heart grow fonder.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21"Aw, actually, I actually missed them.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24"I know we booed them off, but I'm missing them now."
0:10:24 > 0:10:27If you had a row with your wife and then - like, a big blazing row
0:10:27 > 0:10:30and then storm out, if you come back after 15 minutes,
0:10:30 > 0:10:32she's never gonna go, "Oh, nice to see you back."
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Can I say, that's definitely true.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39I went to the circus with my partner and after a bit she said,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42"Can you clap more with your fingers?"
0:10:43 > 0:10:46"It's... You're clapping so loud, it's hurting my ears."
0:10:47 > 0:10:48At the circus?!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52And I actually was like this.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Anyway, have you ever wondered
0:10:56 > 0:10:59what people from other planets might clap like?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- Ooh, no, I have not.- Well, it's...
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Oh, you know, I'll show you.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03THEY LAUGH
0:11:05 > 0:11:07LAUGHTER
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- That's very weird.- Has anyone ever clapped like that before?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Yeah, that kinda went round.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18And, also, the wind from his clapping
0:11:18 > 0:11:21seems to be blowing his mouth. Did you see that?
0:11:21 > 0:11:24What's happening with his...his clapping mouth?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26LAUGHTER
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I think Boris Johnson's played a trick on him
0:11:28 > 0:11:32and put his arms through his jumper and popped up like that.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35OK, so, what's upsetting Ross?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Snobby shop assistants.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Mm.- Yeah. Yeah!
0:11:43 > 0:11:44APPLAUSE
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Now, why's that?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I tell you...one of the reasons is because,
0:11:53 > 0:11:56by the time I could go into certain shops...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- ie afford to go into certain so-called posh shops...- Mm.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04..I was either too ugly or they thought I was going to rob the shop!
0:12:04 > 0:12:06LAUGHTER
0:12:06 > 0:12:09So, when I was young and I really desperately could have fitted into
0:12:09 > 0:12:12those clothes, when I wasn't the size that I am now,
0:12:12 > 0:12:14I couldn't go in them anyway,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17and now I can afford to go in one - or I used to before I had kids...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19LAUGHTER
0:12:19 > 0:12:22..and I would be looked as like,
0:12:22 > 0:12:25"Shouldn't you have just gone into Millets?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- "It's down there on the right."- Mm.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29But definitely the look of,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"You shouldn't be in here, you know that."
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Yes.- "You're too ugly." And...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- Oh, Ross.- That would upset me a little bit.
0:12:35 > 0:12:40- It would upset me a little bit. - I wouldn't say you were TOO ugly.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- I would say...- Definitely too ugly for them, though!
0:12:43 > 0:12:44I can slightly buy into the fact
0:12:44 > 0:12:47that you might be there to rob the shop!
0:12:47 > 0:12:51- But also...- Didn't you try to buy a single stocking?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53And, I think, you know,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56if you do go in to a shop, they should be nice to you -
0:12:56 > 0:12:58that's the whole point of them being there.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00They're there to kind of serve you and help you.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- That aloofness... - Yeah, it's horrible.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04..you're sort of looking at them and looking at the mannequins
0:13:04 > 0:13:07and think, "Who shall I ask?"
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I do, I think the mannequins are probably
0:13:10 > 0:13:12more human than the shop assistants.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Sometimes maybe a little bit too human.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18LAUGHTER
0:13:21 > 0:13:24They opened a Hollister
0:13:24 > 0:13:25on Regent Street,
0:13:25 > 0:13:28which is a very smart, up-market shop.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31This is the staff. Look at these people.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Absolutely beautiful, all of them.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40And, truly, I went into the Hollister in San Francisco,
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I was on a stop-over and I went into the Hollister, not to buy for me,
0:13:44 > 0:13:46but was told I was too old to be served.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Oh, my God!- Wow! That's outrageous!
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I was being blanked, I've got them... I've got the top here,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54and I've got my dollars in my hand and I'm going,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56"Can I just pay for this?" And he went,
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- "No, man, you're too old." - That's outrageous.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02- You get more respect from Mexican drug lords.- Absolutely!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03LAUGHTER
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Me and El Chapo. He'd have no problem going in there
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- because he'd clear the shop first. - Yeah, exactly.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11OK, so we come to the end of that round.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I don't think we can do away with teeth, you know.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I-I... I like... I actually like going to the dentist.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- I've never had a problem with that. - What?!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- It's horrible!- Yeah, you get to wear, um, shades and...stuff.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- I get shades so I don't get bits of me in my eyes.- Yeah.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I get four blokes and a JCB, so it's a bit...
0:14:30 > 0:14:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:32 > 0:14:34..bit different for me.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37And misplaced clapping. I know what you mean, you know,
0:14:37 > 0:14:41but I'm not a big fan of clapping at the best of times.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42I prefer laughter.
0:14:42 > 0:14:47- OK.- And if it comes to clapping, I'll take it anywhere I can get it.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50VERY LIGHT APPLAUSE But the people in those shops...
0:14:50 > 0:14:53LAUGHTER ..the people - thank you - the people in those shops, Ross,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55they are terrible people,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- and us ugly people have to stick together.- Fair enough.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Yeah, put them in.- So, I am going to put snobby shop assistants
0:15:01 > 0:15:02- into Room 101.- Wahey!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:12 > 0:15:14OK, then, so.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Oh, my God. THEY LAUGH
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Sorry about me bell.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Come on.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27So...and so to Sophie's choice.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Oh, that's a good name for a film.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34- Enforced seating plans.- Oh!
0:15:34 > 0:15:37So, I'm talking specifically about when I go to an event and...
0:15:37 > 0:15:39you know, a party, whatever it is,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43and they've separated me from whoever I've gone with at the table.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47If I've gone to something with my sister, my friend, my husband,
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I want to sit next to them when I'm eating.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53I don't want them to be on the other side of the table or miles away.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I don't like it when they move us apart, and if I get to the table
0:15:56 > 0:15:58quick enough, I will move us back together.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02- Really?- I have no shame in rearranging seating plans.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- Wow!- Are you one of those people that do that?
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Controversial, I hear. Yeah, sure, I want to sit next to my husband.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11What's wrong with that? That's why I married him, so I want to go and sit
0:16:11 > 0:16:13next to him, I want to chat about the evening with him next to me.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- How long have you been married? - 11 years.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18FRANK WHISTLES
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I find me and my partner jump at the chance to sit...
0:16:21 > 0:16:23LAUGHTER
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- I don't believe you.- Honestly.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28But it is. I think we regard it as a bit of a treat.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30It's what Nelson Mandela, I think,
0:16:30 > 0:16:32called the short walk to freedom!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37He never sat with Winnie.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38I, um...
0:16:40 > 0:16:41I don't mean that in a bad...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44I don't mean it in a negative way.
0:16:44 > 0:16:50I think, I take the approach, the old coat theory, is that if I sit
0:16:50 > 0:16:51separately from my partner,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I'll appreciate her more when I get outside.
0:16:54 > 0:16:59Because if you both had, like, a different experience,
0:16:59 > 0:17:01you get to slag off twice as many people.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I find it very annoying, enforced seating plans.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Oh, the worst one is when they go,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- "So, everyone moves along a seat every five minutes."- Oh, yeah.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- Have you had that?- Or every course you move on...- Or every ten minutes.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I find boy, girl, boy, girl quite annoying as well. Like...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17It doesn't matter. Just sit down.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I think it's quite excit... It's the closest, probably,
0:17:20 > 0:17:21I'll ever get to swinging!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23LAUGHTER
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Do you have those warnings?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28You know when you need to be rescued?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Oh, yeah.- I mean, that can be,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33you know, you get someone who's really...
0:17:33 > 0:17:36- I mean, I started carrying a flare gun.- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I tell you what I have done - you'll like this, Ross.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41There's a laugh I sometimes use, which is...
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Ha-ha-ha! Huh-huh-huh!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Ha! Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Huh-huh-huh!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Ha-ha-ha!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Which is the Morse code for SOS.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:56APPLAUSE
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Once I was trapped in a... awful conversation, so boring,
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I didn't know what to do and I was just, sort of like, he just wouldn't stop talking at me,
0:18:06 > 0:18:10so, you know, like, they have all these big bouquets of flowers or a big centrepiece at a wedding,
0:18:10 > 0:18:15and there was a candle, I pushed a candle, like, under, like, a menu and a bit of flour,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18and I was like, "Oh, God, there's a fire!"
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- Just to get out the conversation. - Wow!
0:18:21 > 0:18:25And it worked cos we had to sort the fire out that I'd started.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28How are you with this kind of thing, Ross?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29I meet a lot of strangers through the job.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Some very weird ones occasionally. - Yeah.- I just met Rowdy.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34You'd like Rowdy.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- Who's that?- Rowdy's an Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Oh, my word.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I think I know him.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42LAUGHTER
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Is he a very, very tall bloke, pointy head?- Yeah, exactly!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Rowdy was a very scary man.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- Yeah.- I suppose if you're the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan,
0:18:52 > 0:18:54you're going to have an edge.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56He was at a wedding?!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58He had a very long place...
0:18:58 > 0:19:02I hate it when someone else wears all white at a wedding.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07ROB CACKLES
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- He wears purple.- So rude.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Really stealing your moment, the clown.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Can I tell you what, the one... his mate, I said,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15"So, who's the one in green?"
0:19:15 > 0:19:17He went, "He's the Green Dragon."
0:19:17 > 0:19:20I said, "I used to drink in there when I was younger."
0:19:20 > 0:19:22LAUGHTER Yes, anyway, I didn't think
0:19:22 > 0:19:25we'd be talking about the Klan tonight, you never know.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Every night we talk about the Klan.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I wonder if the Klan have these problems.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31They stand around saying, "You know when we had that dinner
0:19:31 > 0:19:34"and they made me sit by the Imperial Wizard?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35"I don't know him that well."
0:19:37 > 0:19:40They do seating plans normally if there's, like, either a couple
0:19:40 > 0:19:43that are a nightmare, or if there's people that are coming on their own,
0:19:43 > 0:19:45so they're not sitting on their own,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48but, then, normally there's a reason if they're sitting on their own!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Because they're hard work.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Are we still talking about the Klan?
0:19:55 > 0:19:59I bet the Klan, they're looking at the tablecloth and thinking,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01"This would make a lovely robe.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06"Do you want this after... Are you keeping this?"
0:20:06 > 0:20:09OK. That's enough Klan jokes...
0:20:09 > 0:20:10LAUGHTER
0:20:10 > 0:20:13..for one night. What's upsetting Rob Beckett?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Insurance.- Oh!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22APPLAUSE
0:20:22 > 0:20:26It's just so expensive, and whenever you benefit from it,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29something bad's happened. It's all just very negative,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31and I think a lot of the time as well, it's like,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34you just sort of have it just so that if anything does go wrong,
0:20:34 > 0:20:35you go, "I didn't have insurance",
0:20:35 > 0:20:37go "Oh, my God, you should have got insurance!"
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Where if no-one had insurance, then, like, I think people would drive more carefully,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- because then they'd have to pay. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Or it might be like Mad Max, and, either way, he's a laugh.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50LAUGHTER
0:20:50 > 0:20:52I just find it... It's just annoying, like, going on holiday,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I mean, your travel insurance, I bet that's pricey, isn't it?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Just a bit.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- THEY LAUGH - Are you going skiing?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I'm not going skiing, but I'm going with a drug cartel!
0:21:02 > 0:21:06You can't go skiing with the Klan, you'd never find them.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- The Green Dragon's won again!- Yeah!
0:21:14 > 0:21:17"I don't remember there being a mountain range in that direction.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19"Oh, it's the lads. Come here!"
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- It's the lads! - I call them "the lads,"
0:21:24 > 0:21:26I'm assuming you didn't call... LAUGHTER
0:21:26 > 0:21:32Do you remember the advert... You know Churchill, the insurance dog?
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- MAN:- Oh, yeah!- Oh.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I think he's in! He's here!
0:21:40 > 0:21:45Do you remember the advert when he went to Paris with Melanie Sykes?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48That's... Are you sure you've not had an LSD trip?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51I have video evidence.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Churchill, can I really count on you for 50% off home insurance
0:21:55 > 0:21:57if I haven't claimed in five years?
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Oh, yes.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00And UK call centres?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Oh, yes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Pull the other one. He told me he's off to Paris with Melanie Sykes!
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Oh! Oh, oui, oui!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Ooh, Churchy! I didn't know you spoke the lingo.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Oh, oui!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21That's all very well and light-hearted.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Is there not quite a strong suggestion
0:22:23 > 0:22:25of an inter-species relationship?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Yeah...
0:22:27 > 0:22:30And also, that he's cheating on her with the other dog.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34Well, he's retained an interest in his own kind,
0:22:34 > 0:22:38but he's very happy... I mean, she's being so flirtatious!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40It's a woman and a bulldog!
0:22:42 > 0:22:47I don't know if they've had to go to France because there's different laws there.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Also, did they do microchipping and pet passports back in the day
0:22:51 > 0:22:53or has she smuggled him in?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Cos they only recently come in, passports for dogs, ain't they?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Hm-mm.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00He's had to go six times in quarantine for that weekend away!
0:23:01 > 0:23:04If you were, you know, in your deathbed, looking back,
0:23:04 > 0:23:07and you're thinking, "I've had a good life,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09"I've never really been ill. I've never been in a car crash,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11"I've never been burgled,
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- "I have squandered a fortune..." - Yeah.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16"..on insurance that I've never, ever..."
0:23:16 > 0:23:20I think it would make people less worried about material things.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Because if you've got no house insurance,
0:23:22 > 0:23:24don't have anything nice.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27They ain't got nothing to nick, then, have they?
0:23:27 > 0:23:32One of my favourite methods for stopping being burgled is these.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Do you ever see these on people's houses?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37I love those.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41I've got one on my house. This is my one.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Can I borrow that?- You can have this, Ross, if you like.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Thank you, mate, I'll have it afterwards!- That would be great!
0:23:55 > 0:23:57What would you insure, Rob, do you think?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- What would I insure? - If you had to insure...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Your teeth! - Oh, yeah.- Your teeth?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Maybe my teeth. - It probably would be the teeth.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Yeah, but I talk about South-East London a lot, so...Lewisham.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:11- Never going to happen. - It'd be quite a big...
0:24:11 > 0:24:13You should do one of your documentaries there.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I'm surprised an insurance company will touch you,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17you're hanging round with the Klan and...
0:24:17 > 0:24:19The Klan are all right. Well...
0:24:19 > 0:24:21LAUGHTER
0:24:21 > 0:24:22In terms of...
0:24:22 > 0:24:24They're not going to... They're not an IED.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Just that sound clip!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Ross Kemp says...
0:24:28 > 0:24:30What I mean... What I mean is,
0:24:30 > 0:24:34they're not as dangerous or as lethal as going to Juarez or going to Afghanistan,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Iraq, Syria, etc.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- No.- Or Caracas on New Year's Eve.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Exactly.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41They're quite easy.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I'm amazed you can get insurance of any kind.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46It's part of the job. You have to fill out, you know,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49accident report forms before you go out, and sometimes
0:24:49 > 0:24:53you're just saying, this is, you know, what I'm actually writing down to get insured for.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- "Will be spending time with Taliban", you know?- Yeah.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59"Will be flying into Hot LZ in Chinook,"
0:24:59 > 0:25:02but, you know, there's people who specialise in it,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04and, obviously, for your family, but it's also a real...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06for getting kidnapped and stuff like that,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09you have to write in actually proof of life.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12So, you know, you have to say...I'm not going to tell you what I write,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15but you have to actually write down, should you be taken,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- what words will you say... - Wow.- ..through the kidnap pass
0:25:18 > 0:25:20to prove that it's you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23DOES EASTENDERS DUFF-DUFFS, LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Wow.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28SPEECH DROWNED BY APPLAUSE
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Doof-doo-doof-doof!
0:25:30 > 0:25:33So, when you do that, when you do that, you go,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36"I don't mind... I don't mind insuring the car."
0:25:36 > 0:25:41What about these celebrities who insure body parts?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- Do you know these people?- Mm-hmm.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Oh, didn't...with Michael Flatley and his legs?
0:25:45 > 0:25:50Michael Flatley, his legs were once insured for £40 million.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54- Wow.- Blimey.- Now, I can see it with Michael Flatley to some extent,
0:25:54 > 0:25:56because his legs is his job,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59but this is the one that really, uh...Taylor Swift,
0:25:59 > 0:26:01her legs are insured
0:26:01 > 0:26:05for £26.5 million.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Is this true?!- Yes.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09- Who's... Who's doing it?- Well...
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Who'd you ring?
0:26:11 > 0:26:14I don't think her legs are any better than my legs.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Honestly, I think my legs are that good.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Yep. Can we see them? - Here's Taylor Swift.
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Here's me.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22LAUGHTER
0:26:23 > 0:26:28I think, arguably, my legs are better than hers.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- They're not your legs. - They are my legs!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- I swear to you. There's no... - They're so shiny!
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- I know, well, I've oiled them. - You've oiled them?!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38No, I've oiled them for a bit, but they're still my legs.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- Nothing has been done.- To be fair, If you cover the top half up,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45it's really...I don't know what I'm thinking any more, Frank.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Well, let's go to the... I'll go to the close-up. That'll help.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- Wow.- Good pins.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Thank you very much.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55There's a slight hint that, on the upper thigh,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58of a bit of cellulite, if I'm going to be totally honest.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00But I think that's like,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03when you sometimes get bulging of masonry on a cathedral,
0:27:03 > 0:27:07around a very, very heavy gargoyle.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09LAUGHTER
0:27:10 > 0:27:14On the left, those legs are 26.5 million quid's worth.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15What are mine worth? Nothing.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19Have you put your...the pants over the top of the lace thing?
0:27:19 > 0:27:23That is...that is a border...for my pants.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Oh, wow. OK. It's a slightly different garment.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28I'm glad... Not many people would look at that
0:27:28 > 0:27:29and talk about the pants.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33You're fashion crazy.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I was quite pleased with it.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38This is a man who is at work,
0:27:38 > 0:27:43and I think a tricky insurance claim to fill in.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47SOPHIE GIGGLES
0:27:50 > 0:27:51CHUCKLES IN AUDIENCE
0:28:03 > 0:28:05LAUGHTER
0:28:09 > 0:28:12I liked the "ow" at the end of it. Ow!
0:28:13 > 0:28:17I imagine it'd be a great advert for InjuryLawyers4U.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19LAUGHTER
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Imagine the meeting in HR.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25"So, what happened to the photocopier?" "Oh, God."
0:28:25 > 0:28:27OK, so what's upsetting Ross?
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Expensive water in hotel rooms. Well, anywhere, really,
0:28:34 > 0:28:37but...so, I obviously travel around the world,
0:28:37 > 0:28:39apart from when I'm not dum-dum-dumming.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Not happy with me!
0:28:44 > 0:28:47But we'll find out later. I hope you're insured!
0:28:48 > 0:28:49Oh, God.
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Um...
0:28:52 > 0:28:55I am a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01But when you go to hotels, and you can't drink the water in the taps.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- No.- You can't even clean your teeth with them, and then there's
0:29:04 > 0:29:08a bottle of French Alp water and you're, like,
0:29:08 > 0:29:12in South America somewhere, so how much does that cost, just in kind of carbon footprinting,
0:29:12 > 0:29:15and it's there and it's got a little sign around it,
0:29:15 > 0:29:17"This is 15."
0:29:17 > 0:29:21It's just a rip-off from hotels, and by the people that make the stuff,
0:29:21 > 0:29:23and I think it's outrageous.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25Water falls from the sky or evaporates from the sea
0:29:25 > 0:29:29and turns into drinkable water and they shouldn't charge 15
0:29:29 > 0:29:32for a bottle of water that big.
0:29:32 > 0:29:35I think it's outrageous and it's not right.
0:29:35 > 0:29:36I didn't think it was legal, actually.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39I thought if the water in the taps wasn't drinking water,
0:29:39 > 0:29:42then they had to provide other water.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45You should come on holiday with me, Sophie.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47I wouldn't if I were you, Sophie!
0:29:47 > 0:29:48LAUGHTER
0:29:48 > 0:29:51The Taliban are not big on music.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55They're quite big on murder. Well, not on the dance floor.
0:29:55 > 0:29:56Allegedly.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:02 > 0:30:05I, um... In 1991, I won the Perrier Award,
0:30:05 > 0:30:07which was quite a big award in those days,
0:30:07 > 0:30:10and I phoned up my brother, Keith, back in Birmingham,
0:30:10 > 0:30:12I said, "I've won the Perrier Award."
0:30:12 > 0:30:14He said, "What's that?"
0:30:14 > 0:30:16and I said, "It's an award for comedy."
0:30:16 > 0:30:18He said, "No - what's Perrier?"
0:30:19 > 0:30:24I said, "It's-it's bottled water and they sponsor this prize, it's a really big prize,"
0:30:24 > 0:30:28he said, "Hold on a minute. How much do people pay for bottled water?"
0:30:28 > 0:30:31I said, "This is not what I'm calling about!
0:30:31 > 0:30:35"I'm not calling you to tell you about bottled water!"
0:30:35 > 0:30:40And he was so blown away by the idea of that, he had no interest in the prize at all,
0:30:40 > 0:30:45so I've got a slightly strange view of the whole thing.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47I also think...
0:30:47 > 0:30:50I think you get to an age... I don't feel now I can carry
0:30:50 > 0:30:53a plastic bottle of water in the street.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55I feel I'm too old.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57A bloke my age shouldn't be having a plastic bottle of water
0:30:57 > 0:31:00- in the street. - I think it's absolutely fine!
0:31:00 > 0:31:03I think it's all right, too. Release yourself from that worry.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05You've got to drink, mate!
0:31:05 > 0:31:08You can't dehydrate because of social pressure.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10I saw a geezer in central London walking a ferret.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13No-one cares about you drinking water.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15That's eccentric, but there's no age limit on walking a ferret.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18I saw Frank Skinner the other day, you'll never guess what,
0:31:18 > 0:31:21only drinking some water, weren't he?
0:31:21 > 0:31:23He's gone whack job!
0:31:23 > 0:31:25It depends on the size of the bottle.
0:31:25 > 0:31:26If it's, like, one of those massive,
0:31:26 > 0:31:30like, five-litre ones and you're like...
0:31:30 > 0:31:31The water cooler.
0:31:31 > 0:31:37- I suppose, at my age, I feel I should have a Thermos.- Yeah!
0:31:37 > 0:31:38I tell you what I do like -
0:31:38 > 0:31:41you know when there's those water machines and you get the paper cone,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44- the pointy...I love those!- Yeah!
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Like drinking out of a '60s brassiere.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49LAUGHTER
0:31:49 > 0:31:54- And, also, for a Klan meeting, you've got the hat.- The pointy hat!
0:31:54 > 0:31:57Do you ever complain at these hotels, Ross?
0:31:57 > 0:31:59- Complain?- About the water thing?
0:31:59 > 0:32:02- Yeah, course I do.- How does that go?
0:32:02 > 0:32:05I generally end up with no teeth in a bar in Caracas.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07LAUGHTER
0:32:07 > 0:32:08Fair enough!
0:32:08 > 0:32:10We come to the end of that round,
0:32:10 > 0:32:12and I like the enforced seating plans.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16I think there's too many people who would only ever talk to their partner,
0:32:16 > 0:32:17and I think that's a good thing,
0:32:17 > 0:32:19although it can be a bit uncomfortable at first.
0:32:19 > 0:32:24Now, these two, I like the idea of there not being insurance.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27I've not really worked out... how we all cope.
0:32:27 > 0:32:32Yeah, I think me might probably need insurance of some kind.
0:32:32 > 0:32:33I hate to say it.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37But the whole concept of bottled water is one thing,
0:32:37 > 0:32:39but people taking advantage of a place
0:32:39 > 0:32:41where you can't drink the water,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44I mean, it's an absolute scandal.
0:32:44 > 0:32:49Thus, I shall put expensive water in hotels into Room 101.
0:32:49 > 0:32:50Thank you.
0:32:50 > 0:32:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:32:59 > 0:33:02OK, so we've just got time for a bonus choice,
0:33:02 > 0:33:05so let's see what Rob has chosen.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10Rollercoasters.
0:33:10 > 0:33:11BOOING
0:33:11 > 0:33:14- Ooh!- Not got a lot on my side here, have I?
0:33:14 > 0:33:16I just hate rollercoasters.
0:33:16 > 0:33:18- I...- We do.- Thanks, mate.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21This is... I don't want to turn it into a rally.
0:33:22 > 0:33:28- Rollercoasters!- They've been looking for a leader for years, these people!
0:33:30 > 0:33:33I just... I just hate them because I've got enough adrenaline.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36I'm always... I'm full of beans.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38I don't need any more - it's too much for me to take.
0:33:38 > 0:33:42I've never enjoyed them, I've always felt like I've sort of been bullied onto them,
0:33:42 > 0:33:45and, like, my missus loves rollercoasters and things like that,
0:33:45 > 0:33:48so when we started going out, I thought, "What I'll do is I'll go to Thorpe Park,"
0:33:48 > 0:33:51went to Thorpe Park and I went on the Magic Carpet one,
0:33:51 > 0:33:53and I cried.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56I don't know what it is, I just break down and start crying!
0:33:56 > 0:33:57I hate it, I hate it!
0:33:57 > 0:33:59But then I tried again,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02went to Disneyland Paris, on the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04there's not even a seatbelt!
0:34:04 > 0:34:07There's no drop. I cried!
0:34:07 > 0:34:08I cannot take it.
0:34:08 > 0:34:13Is this what they mean by an emotional rollercoaster?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15I don't know what it is, I just find it...
0:34:15 > 0:34:16I don't like the queuing...
0:34:16 > 0:34:20Two hours to make you feel like you're about to die!
0:34:20 > 0:34:24It's too much for my head and body to take, going on a ridiculous fast rollercoaster.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28If I get something out of a vending machine, and two bottles of drink come out, I'm happy for a week.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32I am bouncing through life.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34- I hate them, as well.- Oh!
0:34:34 > 0:34:38I'm over-cautious when I approach a speed bump.
0:34:38 > 0:34:43Honestly, I went on the tea cups, the Mad Hatter's tea cups,
0:34:43 > 0:34:47at Disneyland, and...with... My son was four then,
0:34:47 > 0:34:50and if you turn the wheel it goes round and round,
0:34:50 > 0:34:54and I remember hearing myself saying, "Yes, we've established it goes round and round!"
0:34:55 > 0:34:57On the tea cups!
0:34:58 > 0:35:02- I love rollercoasters and theme parks.- You love them?- I really, really love them.
0:35:02 > 0:35:03- Oh, do you?- Yeah.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06Do you like them? Are you into rollercoasters and stuff? No?
0:35:06 > 0:35:08- Ross only goes if they're on fire. - Yeah!
0:35:10 > 0:35:15I can't be the only person in the room that likes rollercoasters and theme parks and things!
0:35:15 > 0:35:16CHEERING
0:35:16 > 0:35:18They're really fun.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21Like Derren Brown's new ride at Thorpe Park's really good, like...
0:35:21 > 0:35:23- Derren Brown's got one?!- Yeah.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26You just walk into a room and he convinces you you've been on one!
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Such a great ride! Cheers, Del!
0:35:33 > 0:35:37At Southend, they had a naked rollercoaster.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40I don't want to get in after them!
0:35:40 > 0:35:43Yeah, exactly, especially if it's really frightening!
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Exactly!
0:35:45 > 0:35:47This is the drop that...
0:35:47 > 0:35:51- Oh.- That's a lot of flesh. Look at that cheeky crocodile at the front!
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Yeah.
0:35:52 > 0:35:58It's when it drops like that, I'd be worried about my genitals getting too close to my face.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Maybe it's an age thing.
0:36:06 > 0:36:07Very old or very lucky.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Yeah, exactly!
0:36:10 > 0:36:12You got it right first time.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15I was never much of a prankster as a youth.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19There was one thing I did. I must have done this 20 times,
0:36:19 > 0:36:22me and the same mate, we used to go, whenever the fair came,
0:36:22 > 0:36:24we used to go on the Big Wheel or something like that,
0:36:24 > 0:36:27and I used to take this on...
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Oh, no!
0:36:29 > 0:36:32..and honestly, we'd be sitting...
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Honestly, I'm not making this up,
0:36:34 > 0:36:36we'd get to the top and I'd go...
0:36:36 > 0:36:37BANG
0:36:47 > 0:36:48It was tremendously success...
0:36:48 > 0:36:53On one occasion, I thought a bloke was going to kill me
0:36:53 > 0:36:56for frightening his missus,
0:36:56 > 0:36:59but other than that, it was tremendously successful.
0:36:59 > 0:37:00Try it!
0:37:00 > 0:37:03How do you feel about merry-go-rounds?
0:37:03 > 0:37:08Merry-go-rounds? I mean, I...I don't... I'd just go on the M25 if I wanted to do that.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11There is a thing you can do with a merry-go-round.
0:37:11 > 0:37:17If you get a motorised vehicle and if you can get the tyre flush with the merry-go-round -
0:37:17 > 0:37:21have you ever seen this done? - you can really get some speed.
0:37:21 > 0:37:22Here's an example.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26OK, here comes the accelerator.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44Apparently, he was fine.
0:37:44 > 0:37:45What a shame.
0:37:47 > 0:37:51Rob, doesn't matter what I think, it's your bonus choice, it's going in to Room 101.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Well done, Ross. You were the most persuasive guest this week
0:38:03 > 0:38:05and, let's face it, the most frightening.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07So, you're this week's winner.
0:38:07 > 0:38:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Thanks very much to Rob Beckett,
0:38:15 > 0:38:19Ross Kemp and Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and thank you, good night.
0:38:19 > 0:38:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE