0:00:20 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38the show where three guests compete
0:00:38 > 0:00:41to condemn their deepest dislikes to the dreadful Room 101.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44They'll have to argue their case well because, in each round,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47only one item can be chosen. The final decision is mine.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Joining me tonight are King of the North, Alun Cochrane,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Queen of the South, Gabby Logan,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54and Richard the Nerd, Richard Ayoade.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:03OK, let's get ready to grumble. LAUGHTER
0:01:03 > 0:01:05And let's see what's upsetting Gabby Logan.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Half and half football scarves, Frank.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Whoo! - Yeah, they are a recent phenomena.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I would say it's only in the last six or seven seasons
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- that they have become a thing.- Mm. - To the point now,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24where there is almost not a Premier League fixture that goes by
0:01:24 > 0:01:28where people don't feel the need to be peddling and, therefore,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30other people buying these half and half scarves.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33I've tried hard to work out if there is a justification,
0:01:33 > 0:01:35if there is a reason why they should exist
0:01:35 > 0:01:37and I shouldn't be quite so angry about them.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38I can't think of anything.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42The whole point of football is to be parochial, to be tribal,
0:01:42 > 0:01:47to be committed to a team in your area, and it's just wishy-washy,
0:01:47 > 0:01:52it's indecisive, it shows a lack of commitment and they've got to go.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I mean, some people could argue, I suppose,
0:01:59 > 0:02:05that it suggests a lack of aggression and that partisan thing,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07and there's love in the room -
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I love both these teams, I want them both to play well.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11But I hate that idea.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Can I just check...? Sorry. - LAUGHTER
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- Are these things mocked up on a match-by-match basis?- Yes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- So, what's your knitwear bill? - LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I just can't think of anybody who'd grow up in Liverpool
0:02:23 > 0:02:26and be a massive Red - that's a Liverpool fan...
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- OK, not a commie.- No. - LAUGHTER
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- But they could be both.- OK. - They could be both.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Do you get any commie-fascist scarves?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36LAUGHTER
0:02:36 > 0:02:38They go, "I don't know, they both seem extreme ideologies."
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Liverpool, actually, have got
0:02:41 > 0:02:45the best half and half scarf I've ever seen, which is this one.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49LAUGHTER
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- That, I find acceptable. - Because what that means, Richard...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Thank you. - It says there are only two teams
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- and actually, there IS another team. It's called Everton.- Shut up!- Yep.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58LAUGHTER
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- For the same town?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03So, they're making the joke that they don't exist.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Right. They're good, aren't they? - LAUGHTER
0:03:06 > 0:03:08It seems wrong, I agree.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13I mean, the half and half military uniform, England/Germany thing,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15never caught on in the '40s.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18For obvious reasons.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20And I feel in a similar way about it -
0:03:20 > 0:03:22you've got to pick your team and stick with that team.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I worry that it just is indicative of a deeper kind of,
0:03:26 > 0:03:28deeper rooted problem in the nation,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30that people just can't make their minds up,
0:03:30 > 0:03:32including government, and so, I mean, we've seen,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35obviously, the trend to throw referendums around willy-nilly,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38and, you know, they can't make their mind up and let the people decide,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41and I'm slightly worried that we are just becoming indecisive,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44maybe, as a nation, and the football scarf is just the beginning.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46We need a strong man to come in and take over.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:49I don't know, maybe, like,
0:03:49 > 0:03:51an international businessman of some kind.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I worry about the nature of that applause!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03As if people are thinking, "This is actually a great idea!"
0:04:04 > 0:04:07It's strange, to me, that they've gone for the scarf
0:04:07 > 0:04:10as the half and half souvenir of knitwear.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13You'd think gloves would lend themselves....
0:04:13 > 0:04:15LAUGHTER
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Because then any surplus that are not sold could be rematched
0:04:18 > 0:04:22- to an opposite for a future Liverpool or United game.- Yes.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27- And thus, they cut down on waste. - That is better.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32I've got a towel, which has got two halves - white and...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35..and not white.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- And it's got "FACE" on one side. - Oh...- And I can't re...
0:04:40 > 0:04:44I think ELBOW on the other, I always get those mixed up.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47But anyway, you use it accordingly.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Which, at least, has got a practical message behind it.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54The thing is, these great rivalries that we have in football
0:04:54 > 0:04:58in this country, obviously, the local derby rivalries,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Newcastle against Sunderland, you've got, in Scotland,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Glasgow Rangers against Glasgow Celtic.- Ooh.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Liverpool, Everton. And the idea that you would have...
0:05:07 > 0:05:10OK, say Aston Villa go back to the Premier League, OK.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13LAUGHTER
0:05:13 > 0:05:15The idea that you'd have a scarf that has Aston Villa on one side
0:05:15 > 0:05:19and West Bromwich Albion on the other must fill you with delight,
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- the idea of wearing that. - Well, it's not dissimilar to this.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23LAUGHTER
0:05:23 > 0:05:26APPLAUSE
0:05:26 > 0:05:31What do you think about this version of the half and half?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33This is a sort of romantic version.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- Ah.- OK.- "Together since 2014."
0:05:38 > 0:05:42To me, that looks like, "Together since she was 14."
0:05:42 > 0:05:45LAUGHTER
0:05:45 > 0:05:48APPLAUSE
0:05:50 > 0:05:53And if it started when he was 20, you should not be applauding that.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55No. LAUGHTER
0:05:55 > 0:05:56The problem with that, though,
0:05:56 > 0:06:01is if he wears it to five-a-side and she's busy, it just looks weird.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- No, I didn't mention his name is Paul Together.- Oh, OK.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07There's a song, Paul Together Now.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08LAUGHTER
0:06:08 > 0:06:11See, I've got twins and one's an Arsenal fan and one's a Spurs fan.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- They couldn't have, you know...- So, you've got half and half children!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Yeah.- And you mind a scarf.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22But the idea that they would get together and have a scarf made...
0:06:22 > 0:06:23- Right.- No way, no way.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Well, I went to West Brom-Manchester City
0:06:27 > 0:06:30and they lost 4-0 at home to Manchester City
0:06:30 > 0:06:34and there was a period when we actually had the ball for a bit
0:06:34 > 0:06:36and the fans started going...
0:06:36 > 0:06:40# We've got the ball We've got the ball
0:06:40 > 0:06:43# We've got the... We've lost the ball. #
0:06:43 > 0:06:46They kept that going for about 20 minutes.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49It puts tremendous pressure on the players, I think.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53I feel that should be the theme song of football.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- It's basically football commentary...- Yeah.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00..melted down to a quintessence.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03That's the haiku version of football.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05LAUGHTER
0:07:05 > 0:07:07So, what's upsetting Richard?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Audiences cheering...
0:07:12 > 0:07:14LAUGHTER
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I mean, that could be enough,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19but audiences cheering at the name of the town in which they reside.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21LAUGHTER
0:07:21 > 0:07:26I don't quite... I just don't see why you need to emit that sound.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31I'm from Ipswich, so, obviously, I can't emit joy.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33LAUGHTER
0:07:33 > 0:07:36So, it seems very strange to me. I've never understood it.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- You say, "Hull." - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Yay!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40LAUGHTER
0:07:40 > 0:07:45It seems odd. I don't know what I'm meant to do with that information.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Are you happy about Hull?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49You're happy. OK.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52LAUGHTER
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- I think it's a form of missionary work.- OK.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56It's that man saying,
0:07:56 > 0:07:58"You probably think it's terrible coming from Hull."
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- No, it's all right. - "When, in fact, it's, hey!"- OK.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- I think he's selling Hull as a concept.- Right.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Yeah, I mean, it's not a LONG pitch for Hull.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09LAUGHTER
0:08:09 > 0:08:13It makes me feel like everyone's been hypnotised and someone's said,
0:08:13 > 0:08:16"When your town's name is mentioned,
0:08:16 > 0:08:19"obviously you'll have to go, 'Yay.'" And someone's gone...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22And they've never been snapped back out of it.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24It would make life difficult.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I mean, you obviously stand up and, you know,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28perform in front of an audience.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30You all do that and, actually, it's the easiest way
0:08:30 > 0:08:35to get a few people on side, to just mention a town.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Look, let's specify here,
0:08:36 > 0:08:39because I feel we're maybe getting off on the wrong foot.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I'm not talking about the response to a specific enquiry
0:08:42 > 0:08:45addressed to an audience as to where they live.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48"Hooray!" is a fine response.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52We can't all say, "Nine of us are from Preston."
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- A FEW AUDIENCE MEMBERS:- Yay! - Thank you.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58What I find odd is the mere mention of the name,
0:08:58 > 0:09:02in a Pavlovian sense, eliciting a "Hooray".
0:09:02 > 0:09:05That seems odd, because why should that only exist in crowds?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08You should follow it through any time, when you're on your own,
0:09:08 > 0:09:14if you see it on a map. Any time, then say it.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16It would be odd if you were on your own, though,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18and you were watching the news and, "This evening,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22"we're bringing you news of a fatal accident in Hull." Yay!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24LAUGHTER
0:09:24 > 0:09:26If you're going to do it, follow it through.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Don't just do it cos you're in a public place.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Yeah, I think you could have a clause,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32"Not after the announcement of a fatal accident."
0:09:32 > 0:09:34That would be reasonable.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I just find it very strange that anyone would be proud
0:09:37 > 0:09:38of where they're from.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I don't think you should be...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I don't think you should be proud of anything.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48When I first started in comedy,
0:09:48 > 0:09:51which was...before the old king died...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53LAUGHTER
0:09:53 > 0:09:55..I'd say, "What do you do?" And people would say,
0:09:55 > 0:09:59"I'm a plumber" or something of that nature, and now they say to me,
0:09:59 > 0:10:05"I'm a consultative HR area managerial cooperative officer."
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Yeah.- And then I say, "Where are you from?" And they say, "Ipswich."
0:10:08 > 0:10:11And I say, "Did you come on a tractor?" It gets a big laugh.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- It's a tough business, Richard. - Yeah.
0:10:16 > 0:10:22It's more the spontaneous whoop when a town is mentioned,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25and also, it's existing in a group dynamic
0:10:25 > 0:10:27because, conversationally,
0:10:27 > 0:10:31if I were to say, "I went to Ipswich," and you went, "Yay!"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- in a group of less than four... - Yeah.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37..I don't know when it becomes all right to say, "Yay!"
0:10:37 > 0:10:42- Is there a critical mass?- What if it was just me and you talking?- Yeah.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Yeah, just mention Ipswich.- OK.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- I did this gig in Ipswich...- Yay!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51LAUGHTER
0:10:51 > 0:10:53OK, so what's upsetting Alun?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Advice, Frank, is what I'd like to put in Room 101, cos I think...
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Maybe I'm arrogant, but when people say,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15"I've got some advice for you," I often just think, "No."
0:11:15 > 0:11:17LAUGHTER
0:11:17 > 0:11:20No, don't bother. But a lot of advice is terrible.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Like, when you tot it up, a whole life,
0:11:22 > 0:11:25there's probably about three bits that are any use
0:11:25 > 0:11:26and one of them's yellow snow.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:33And the rest of it, I just think is waffle, just bad, bad advice.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37A friend told me that he was told, when he was younger,
0:11:37 > 0:11:40dress for the job you want, not for the job you've got.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Have you heard that? That's apparently business advice.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45And people think it's good. It's not.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He is serving a custodial sentence
0:11:47 > 0:11:50for repeatedly impersonating a police officer.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52LAUGHTER
0:11:52 > 0:11:53I think it's bad advice.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58I'm trying to remember if I've ever given Alun any advice.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59- Have I?- I don't think so.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Cos comedians do, especially, you know, elder statesmen comics,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06like myself, sometimes.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07I remember an American comic,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10he said, "I'll tell you something about stand-up comedy,"
0:12:10 > 0:12:12and I thought, "This could be handy."
0:12:12 > 0:12:16He said, "Always take your wallet on stage."
0:12:16 > 0:12:19LAUGHTER
0:12:19 > 0:12:20- Sensible.- Yeah.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23And another guy, an English magician, actually,
0:12:23 > 0:12:27and he said to me, "I'll tell you something." I was very new.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29He said, "I'll tell you something, Frank.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31"When you get a BMW - and you will..."
0:12:31 > 0:12:34LAUGHTER
0:12:34 > 0:12:36"..get power-assisted steering."
0:12:36 > 0:12:38LAUGHTER
0:12:38 > 0:12:43That is the comedy advice that I've had. In my whole career, that's it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44You must get a lot of people...
0:12:44 > 0:12:48I get a lot of people who write to me for advice about, you know,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51"I want to get into sports broadcasting, I want to do this..."
0:12:51 > 0:12:54and I feel a real burden of responsibility.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- I always reply and I... - Do you?- Yeah, I feel...
0:12:57 > 0:13:00I don't like being asked for advice, because I feel like
0:13:00 > 0:13:03if I get this wrong and I screw up their career or their life...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It's someone less to worry about...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07LAUGHTER
0:13:07 > 0:13:08..in your line of work.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13My dad... I grew up in a Roman Catholic household,
0:13:13 > 0:13:15he was big on advice, my dad,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19he gave me "going into a darkened room" advice,
0:13:19 > 0:13:20which you don't hear very often.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23And his argument was, when you go into... I'm going to stand.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26When you go into a darkened room, you walk like this...
0:13:28 > 0:13:32..so you can, you know, in case you walk into anything.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Why did you preface this with,
0:13:35 > 0:13:37"I grew up in a Roman Catholic household"?
0:13:37 > 0:13:38LAUGHTER
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Because...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44APPLAUSE
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Because in all my many conversations with my father,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51it's the only time he acknowledged the existence of genitals.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52OK.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56My dad also told me to keep salt in my pocket,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00so that if anyone approached me after dark in the street,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I should throw it in their faces.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04LAUGHTER
0:14:04 > 0:14:06See, I think that's good advice.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07I'm going to make that four...
0:14:07 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Yeah.- ..that you get in a whole lifetime.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15And also, if you need to grit snow at short notice.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16LAUGHTER
0:14:16 > 0:14:18He even told me the method.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20He said what you would do if someone came over
0:14:20 > 0:14:23and said, "Give me your wristwatch,"
0:14:23 > 0:14:27you'd go, "Oh, look, I don't want any trouble, I'll just... Ha-ha!"
0:14:27 > 0:14:29And then you'd get the salt. LAUGHTER
0:14:29 > 0:14:31He said, "Cos you want their eyes to be...
0:14:31 > 0:14:34"Make sure they're open. Don't give them any kind of hint."
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- And then you...- Will you pass that advice on to your son?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41No, because we've got, you know, mace and stuff now.
0:14:41 > 0:14:42LAUGHTER
0:14:42 > 0:14:44You've got to move with the times, I think.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Now everyone uses sea salt,
0:14:45 > 0:14:47you'd have to just crumble it in their eyes.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49LAUGHTER
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- Exhausting. - LAUGHTER
0:14:52 > 0:14:54It's Jamie Oliver's fault.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58When I was a young man, I was in a pub, and a man told me,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02"If ever a dog bites you and locks its jaws...
0:15:03 > 0:15:06"..put your finger up its bottom and it will open its mouth."
0:15:06 > 0:15:08LAUGHTER
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- Right.- That's what he said.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I based a cutting-edge ventriloquist act on it in the '80s.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15LAUGHTER
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Frank Skinner and Bongo. Do you remember it?
0:15:18 > 0:15:23Does that work just for that particular bite?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26If it bites again, you can do it again.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29It's not like a bee, where it bites you and then it dies.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32No, but at some stage, you've got to get that finger back out.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34LAUGHTER Yeah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37And then where are you? You need a net.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- No, they open their mouth... - Yeah.- So, you've got it open.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Yeah, but now it's annoyed. - LAUGHTER
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Not necessarily.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Well, it's got something to say on the matter.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53It's either annoyed or quite attached. It's certainly attached.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- You've started a dialogue.- Yes.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- It does... I've seen it work. - Oh, have you?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03LAUGHTER
0:16:03 > 0:16:09OK, so... I'm glad of any kind of cheering or applause I can get
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- at any gig, so I don't want to close down any areas.- Sure.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- So, you know...- That's OK.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Advice, I mean, one does get good advice
0:16:19 > 0:16:21and I know it's thin on the ground,
0:16:21 > 0:16:25but when you get it, it can be really brilliant and uplifting.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I just can't put in all advice.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30However, the half and half scarf, I think,
0:16:30 > 0:16:33is probably what's gone wrong with Great Britain and Europe.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34LAUGHTER
0:16:34 > 0:16:38And so, I'm going to put half and half scarves into Room 101.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42- Thank you. - APPLAUSE
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Righty-ho. On we go with Gabby Logan.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58People who are afraid of flying.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Which sounds like I have no empathy
0:17:01 > 0:17:04and I'm very intolerant
0:17:04 > 0:17:07and it sounds like I don't care.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- Um, I don't, actually. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:11 > 0:17:14If you sit next to me on a flight... I've had a few of them lately.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- Right.- You've bought the ticket, you know how it works.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21We're getting on a plane, we're going somewhere.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24It cannot be a surprise to you that we are going to take off.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26You've not watched The A-Team.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I've had a few bad experiences in the last 12 months
0:17:33 > 0:17:35and this has brought this to a head.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37I was on my way to Newcastle - just a quick hop,
0:17:37 > 0:17:39from London up to Newcastle -
0:17:39 > 0:17:41and the lady sat next to me in the middle,
0:17:41 > 0:17:42she sat down and pulled her coat off
0:17:42 > 0:17:45and she started kind of rubbing herself in an almost sexual manner,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47and I thought, "What's going on here?"
0:17:47 > 0:17:50And then she started sweating a bit and she started rocking
0:17:50 > 0:17:53and I thought, "We have somebody who's scared of flying,
0:17:53 > 0:17:57"so I'm going to be there for her." I start off with a lot of compassion.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I said, "Would you like some water?" She went, "No, no, no, I'm fine.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03"I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus, I'm on bus."
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I said, "No, we're on a plane. But, listen..."
0:18:06 > 0:18:07LAUGHTER
0:18:07 > 0:18:10"That's better, because this is a lot safer than being on a bus.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13"You are far more likely to die being on a bus than a plane.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15"You're in a good place right now."
0:18:15 > 0:18:17So, she carries on with this whole thing and I said,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19"Look, I give this advice to anybody I sit next to
0:18:19 > 0:18:21"who's scared of flying, and it's this.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25"Have you ever met anybody who's had a little shunt at 35,000 feet?"
0:18:25 > 0:18:27And she said, "No." And I said, "No, that's cos they die." So...
0:18:27 > 0:18:30LAUGHTER
0:18:30 > 0:18:32It's logic.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33And it didn't occur to you
0:18:33 > 0:18:36that dying might be the thing she was afraid of?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38LAUGHTER
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I mean, because that is a legitimate fear.
0:18:42 > 0:18:48I think the only time I've been... concerned about crashing,
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I was on a flight with Ant and Dec...
0:18:52 > 0:18:55..and it did occur to me that if the plane went down,
0:18:55 > 0:18:58they would get top billing in the...
0:18:58 > 0:19:00LAUGHTER
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Right.- The headline would be, "Ant and Dec die."
0:19:03 > 0:19:07And then, "Brummie comedian also perishes."
0:19:07 > 0:19:09LAUGHTER
0:19:09 > 0:19:13And that, I must say, I was glad when we got off that plane. I was...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I understand that people might, you know,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19might have an apprehension about it but I don't see why it's any more,
0:19:19 > 0:19:22that they would have an apprehension about getting on a bus or...
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- People don't go... - SHE GASPS:- I'm getting in the car!
0:19:25 > 0:19:27The car is much more dangerous than the plane.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- It's not, though.- It IS, it's fact.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- It IS.- It's not.- It IS.- Also, I DO do that before I go into cars.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34LAUGHTER
0:19:34 > 0:19:38It's a lot more likely that you're going to die in a car accident
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- than a plane accident.- No.- Yes. - LAUGHTER
0:19:42 > 0:19:44No, what you mean is,
0:19:44 > 0:19:47it's a lot more likely that you're going to have a car accident,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49but it's a lot more likely
0:19:49 > 0:19:52that you're going die in a plane accident.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53- No.- Yeah.- No.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55LAUGHTER
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Can I give you some statistics?
0:19:57 > 0:20:01The US National Transport Safety Board did a survey
0:20:01 > 0:20:06of commercial airlines and these are the odds of dying in a plane crash.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11They are 1 in every 1.2 million flights.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14And this is what amazes me.
0:20:14 > 0:20:20Out of the planes that do crash, 96.7% of passengers survive.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- What?- Yes.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25See, your death thing isn't even any comfort.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27- LAUGHTER - We may crash,
0:20:27 > 0:20:30and there's a good chance we're going to survive this bloody thing.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31LAUGHTER
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Thus, the odds of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 11 million.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- Those odds are too high for me. - LAUGHTER
0:20:38 > 0:20:44Apparently, stewardesses often survive because they are protected
0:20:44 > 0:20:46by the hardened shell of their make-up.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49LAUGHTER
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Here's a man now -
0:20:51 > 0:20:56this man was on an aeroplane and it was said that he drank
0:20:56 > 0:21:01all of his duty-free liquor on the flight from Iceland to JFK,
0:21:01 > 0:21:06and in the end, he attacked a woman, spat on other passengers
0:21:06 > 0:21:09and screamed the plane was going to crash.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13And so they duct taped him to his seat.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Here he is.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18LAUGHTER
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Now, I wonder, if that plane crashed,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23maybe he might be the only person who'd survive,
0:21:23 > 0:21:28and we'd all discover that is actually the safest way to travel.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33I was due to fly to Loch Ness with David Baddiel on a private jet,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35with some other people,
0:21:35 > 0:21:39and he had had a dream that it crashed and he was very anxious
0:21:39 > 0:21:40and making me anxious.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43We were waiting for the car to take us to the airport,
0:21:43 > 0:21:45and the drivers always got his name wrong,
0:21:45 > 0:21:47they just couldn't cope with "Baddiel".
0:21:47 > 0:21:50It seems straightforward, but it's an unusual name.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52And the phone went from the door,
0:21:52 > 0:21:54you know, and he picked it up
0:21:54 > 0:21:57and a voice said, "Mr Buddy 'Olly?"
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Absolutely terrifying.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08OK, so, what's winding up Alun Cochrane?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:18 > 0:22:23It's people laughing out loud when reading a book.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25And it's especially people near ME
0:22:25 > 0:22:28laughing out loud when reading a book.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32I don't know why it grinds my gears quite as much,
0:22:32 > 0:22:35but that thing of, like... "Ha-ha-ha!"
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Yeah, all right, we get it. We can all read.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I think there's a bit of show-offiness, like,
0:22:41 > 0:22:43"Yeah, I'm reading a book!"
0:22:43 > 0:22:44And I think,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47"I've read loads of books, but I'm not showing off about it."
0:22:47 > 0:22:50There's just a self-aggrandi-i...
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- There's a show-offiness about it. - LAUGHTER
0:22:52 > 0:22:55You need to read more books! LAUGHTER
0:22:55 > 0:22:57You say something funny, we go, "Ha-ha."
0:22:57 > 0:22:59But if somebody's written something funny,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04I feel like you should type, "LOL", or just write down, "Laughed."
0:23:04 > 0:23:09- In a notebook to the side of the book, just go, "Laughs."- Yeah.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12You could have marginalia. You could write, "Ha-ha" next to things.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15I think that's a perfectly appropriate response
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and I think there's a bit of people reading in public,
0:23:18 > 0:23:19going, "Oh, I'm reading."
0:23:19 > 0:23:22So, if I'm on a train and somebody near me's like,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25"Ha-ha-ha-ha," I just think, "Get a room."
0:23:25 > 0:23:29- Just read this in the comfort of your own...- Is this OK?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Yeah, that's fine.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Because it's not an assault on me living my life,
0:23:34 > 0:23:39- which is what extraneous noise is to me.- Actual, really audible laughter.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Just, yeah...
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Maybe it's other people's tangible existence that you don't like.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46LAUGHTER
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Yeah, I just find it very irritating.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I'm surprised it's getting so much resistance,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52cos I thought this was a thing.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I read an autobiography recently
0:23:54 > 0:23:56and I really laughed out loud on several occasions,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58which you would condemn me for.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Who's autobiography were you reading?- Mine.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03LAUGHTER
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- It WAS actually mine.- Yeah.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08This is one of the pluses of age-related memory loss.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- And you were laughing out loud? - I laughed out loud.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13It's properly funny, my autobiography.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17- "Laugh-out-loud funny..." - Yeah.- "..Frank Skinner."- Exactly.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21I know that's not going to have the same impact as a recommendation.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24"I laughed out loud while re-reading it,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- "having forgotten it." - "Said narcissist Frank Skinner."
0:24:27 > 0:24:28LAUGHTER
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Have you ever seen the thumb thing, by the way?- No.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36The thumb thing is a special gadget for reading books,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39and this is what the blurb says.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41"Ever relaxed on the beach with a book?"
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- LAUGHTER - Yeah.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47"Likely you held the book in front of your face with your thumb
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- "to block the sun from your eyes." - Mm.- Yeah, done that.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52"A few minutes later, your thumb gets tired
0:24:52 > 0:24:54"and the book smacks you in the face."
0:24:54 > 0:24:56LAUGHTER
0:24:56 > 0:24:58That's never happened to me, ever.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02But the thumb thing is invented for that. So, you get your book...
0:25:02 > 0:25:05LAUGHTER
0:25:05 > 0:25:08And you can hold it like that and it does give you,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11if you can see there, it gives you a lot of extra support.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12That's good.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- It's a simple thing, but so many of the best inventions are.- Mm.
0:25:15 > 0:25:20- How's it doing?- Great.- No, the invention. Is it selling well?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Oh, sorry. LAUGHTER
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- THIS is selling extremely well, apparently.- Is THAT funny?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Um, I've never actually, um...
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I HAVE read it. LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:35And if you were offended at someone laughing on a train,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37you should have been there when I read THAT!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40LAUGHTER
0:25:40 > 0:25:45There some books which I would be edgy about reading on a train.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Would you read Fifty Shades Of Grey on a train?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- No.- No.- No.- What about this one?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56LAUGHTER
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I'd like to read this on a train and every now and again,
0:25:59 > 0:26:01stare at female passengers and go...
0:26:02 > 0:26:06LAUGHTER
0:26:06 > 0:26:08"Any luck, missus?" LAUGHTER
0:26:08 > 0:26:14How did you find that book? Was it Amazon Recommends?
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Yeah, "People who bought this also like..." I got one of those.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- "Hi, Frank, we thought you might like..."- Exactly.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25I once got a news story on a news feed I have and it said,
0:26:25 > 0:26:28"Here's a story you might like."
0:26:28 > 0:26:32And it was a couple who'd been eaten by cannibals while on holiday.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36Spot on. LAUGHTER
0:26:36 > 0:26:39I'd love to read... I WOULD read this on a train.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44LAUGHTER
0:26:46 > 0:26:49There's something brilliant about that.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I would have thought that was the least of their problems,
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- their carbon footprint.- Yeah.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59They did a lot of bad, but they did offset a lot of it with trees.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01LAUGHTER
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Yeah. Respect to them.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07I think... Just on THAT point, I mean.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Not generally. Righto, and so to Richard.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17LAUGHTER
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Yes...fun.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25- I don't understand it. - LAUGHTER
0:27:25 > 0:27:28I don't know... whether it's possible.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30LAUGHTER
0:27:30 > 0:27:33And I think, if you describe something as fun,
0:27:33 > 0:27:36that's a bad thing.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38It trivialises it.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40If you think of anything you actually like,
0:27:40 > 0:27:43and if you were to describe it to someone else,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I don't know that you'd use the word "fun".
0:27:45 > 0:27:49It seems to be quite a word that's only really appropriate
0:27:49 > 0:27:51for describing a Wham! video.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53LAUGHTER
0:27:53 > 0:27:55And only some of them.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57And what's the flipside of fun?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59My life...
0:27:59 > 0:28:00- LAUGHTER - ..is the flipside.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03And also, every time someone has said,
0:28:03 > 0:28:07"This is going to be fun," you know they're lying. It's not.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I mean, if someone says, "This will be tolerable"...
0:28:10 > 0:28:13LAUGHTER
0:28:13 > 0:28:15- ..I'd go, "I'm there." - LAUGHTER
0:28:15 > 0:28:18- That's one of my chat-up lines. - Yeah.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20I mean, that, to me, is a boast.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22LAUGHTER
0:28:22 > 0:28:26Well, I suppose the most concrete example of fun
0:28:26 > 0:28:29that one can get is this.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33This is a fun-sized Mars Bar,
0:28:33 > 0:28:38which suggests that your standard Mars Bar is a bit of a slog.
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Yep.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41What they're saying is, if we take that...
0:28:41 > 0:28:47If, when you're eating a Mars Bar, this section of it is actually fun.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50- Yeah.- After that, it's about knuckling down
0:28:50 > 0:28:52and just getting the job done.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- LAUGHTER - That applies for a lot of stuff.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57LAUGHTER Exactly.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59What about fun snaps? Do you like those?
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- Do you know fun snaps? - What even are they?
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- Oh, come on! Do you know fun snaps? - It's the worst word...
0:29:04 > 0:29:06You put "fun" in front of anything and it's a bad time.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08Look, these are fun snaps.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10- SNAP! - Oh, yeah!- Oh! That's fun.
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Come on, that's fun.
0:29:12 > 0:29:15- SNAP! - Well...
0:29:15 > 0:29:17SNAP!
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Sometimes when you think something's going to be fun,
0:29:21 > 0:29:23it absolutely isn't.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25Take this, for example.
0:29:25 > 0:29:28- VIDEO FOOTAGE:- Ready? Are you ready? Ready, steady, go!
0:29:29 > 0:29:33LAUGHTER
0:29:35 > 0:29:37Lift your legs up.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42LAUGHTER
0:29:47 > 0:29:50LAUGHTER
0:29:50 > 0:29:53DAD LAUGHS ON VIDEO
0:29:53 > 0:29:55That sounds like you.
0:29:55 > 0:29:58You see, I think that's a very potent symbol
0:29:58 > 0:30:00- of how fun often turns out.- Yeah.
0:30:00 > 0:30:04I think the dad filming it is having GREAT fun.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05LAUGHTER
0:30:05 > 0:30:07Do you think you've ever had fun?
0:30:07 > 0:30:08I hope not.
0:30:10 > 0:30:11OK.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15Some people don't even want to be seen to be having fun.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17I'm not saying you're in this category, Richard,
0:30:17 > 0:30:18but look at this guy.
0:30:18 > 0:30:22HE SINGS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:30:30 > 0:30:32LAUGHTER
0:30:32 > 0:30:37That's right. Don't document his fun. Don't spoil that moment.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39He was connecting to the performer.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41LAUGHTER
0:30:41 > 0:30:43OK, we come to the end of that round.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46I don't think you can put people who are afraid of flying in,
0:30:46 > 0:30:48because they've got enough problems.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50They're probably also claustrophobic,
0:30:50 > 0:30:54so if we put them in the vault, they'll have a screaming fit.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56People laughing out loud when they read a book -
0:30:56 > 0:31:01I sort of respect the fact there's anyone left who reads a book.
0:31:01 > 0:31:06Any reaction they get, I don't mind. And if it's my...
0:31:06 > 0:31:09I have seen people reading my book and laughing,
0:31:09 > 0:31:11but it was in the mirror.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13LAUGHTER
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- Fun. I tell you what. Fun, the way we're talking about it.- Yes.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20- That fun was, "Wahey, let's have fun!"- Yes, Radio 1 Roadshow fun.
0:31:20 > 0:31:24- Yeah, that kind of "fun". - Yes.- No, you're right.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27- I don't like it and I'm going to put fun into Room 101.- Yeah.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:38 > 0:31:40OK, we've got time for a bonus choice,
0:31:40 > 0:31:44so let's see what Richard went for.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50LAUGHTER
0:31:50 > 0:31:52Anecdotes.
0:31:52 > 0:31:58- Mm.- Now, I don't have any anecdotes, um, but I've heard them,
0:31:58 > 0:32:04and I've often heard people retell an anecdote,
0:32:04 > 0:32:06knowing that I've already heard that anecdote,
0:32:06 > 0:32:09if a new person enters.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12So, I'd say that specific category of someone going,
0:32:12 > 0:32:15"I'm sorry, you've heard this before,"
0:32:15 > 0:32:17then doing the same thing while you're there,
0:32:17 > 0:32:20because I feel I ought to be able to flip channel at that stage.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24So, it's more of a subset of anecdotes,
0:32:24 > 0:32:27which is repeating it in the company of someone
0:32:27 > 0:32:30you've already told that anecdote to.
0:32:30 > 0:32:31Yeah, I mean, if I do that,
0:32:31 > 0:32:34I often try and throw in something extra, just for them.
0:32:34 > 0:32:37- Yeah, and that's humane, that's nice.- Yeah.
0:32:37 > 0:32:39But sometimes, it's got to be done,
0:32:39 > 0:32:42because when you've got a beauty, you've got to share.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45I've just never heard anything worth repeating.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47LAUGHTER
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Have you ever sat in a room with comedians,
0:32:50 > 0:32:53swapping anecdotes, as it were?
0:32:53 > 0:32:56No, I don't think I have.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I've been asked to leave rooms of comedians...
0:32:59 > 0:33:03..but no, not really, not like a full kind of...
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Especially when people stand up for them
0:33:06 > 0:33:10and, you know, clear a space, then I'm worried.
0:33:10 > 0:33:15When I get anxious is when people say, "You'll love this,"
0:33:15 > 0:33:18and I always think, never, ever start an anecdote like that.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Or they'll say, "A funny thing happened to me..."
0:33:21 > 0:33:24and I always say, "Well, I'll be the judge of that."
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Just to put them on the back foot.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30I think once you start an anecdote, you have a duty,
0:33:30 > 0:33:31if you've got an audience,
0:33:31 > 0:33:34ie a few people listening to you, you have a duty to make it
0:33:34 > 0:33:37as interesting as possible, and make it snappy as possible.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40And it's very annoying when your other half is near you
0:33:40 > 0:33:43and they decide to start interrupting
0:33:43 > 0:33:47and correcting what might be slight mistruths that you're just
0:33:47 > 0:33:51using to pepper the story, give it a little bit more oomph, you know?
0:33:51 > 0:33:54Because nobody's getting hurt in the telling of this anecdote, you know?
0:33:54 > 0:33:56We don't need to be so factual...
0:33:56 > 0:33:58This is a very roundabout way of telling him this.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Well, you've been told!
0:34:00 > 0:34:03Have you ever been with those couples when one of them
0:34:03 > 0:34:06- wrestles the anecdote off the other...- Yes!- ..halfway through?- Yup.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08Often their wife -
0:34:08 > 0:34:10they'll let their wife do all the hard yakka at the beginning,
0:34:10 > 0:34:13the set-up, the characters, then they'll come in towards the end
0:34:13 > 0:34:15and get all the glory.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Morecambe and Wise, that's... Whenever they were on a chat...
0:34:18 > 0:34:20I remember Eric Morecambe being on a chat show
0:34:20 > 0:34:22and there was some story and he said,
0:34:22 > 0:34:25"You tell it, Ernie, I'll interrupt and get a couple of laughs."
0:34:25 > 0:34:29Which, in a way, is quite a good description of their relationship.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32I think with anecdotes, you've got to be precise.
0:34:32 > 0:34:35But I just feel there's something...
0:34:35 > 0:34:39about suddenly telling someone a thing with
0:34:39 > 0:34:42the confidence that they are going to enjoy it, where I just go...
0:34:42 > 0:34:47because I'm counter-suggestible, I'll go, "I'm out. I'm out of this.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49"I don't need to be here."
0:34:49 > 0:34:53That's what I think. I think, "This exists independently of me.
0:34:53 > 0:34:57"Type it up and I'll read it when I'm on the Tube.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00"I don't need this to exist in real time."
0:35:00 > 0:35:03But if you laugh at it on the Tube, he'll be absolutely furious.
0:35:03 > 0:35:04Exactly. Furious.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07I've got a friend who tells an anecdote,
0:35:07 > 0:35:10- and I have the kind of go against your subsection, because...- OK.
0:35:10 > 0:35:13..I could listen to this story almost every day,
0:35:13 > 0:35:18and it's the story of how this guy's dad lost both his thumbs.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21LAUGHTER I like it so far!
0:35:21 > 0:35:25How does he... How does he read on the beach?
0:35:26 > 0:35:29Does he laugh as soon as he announces it, as that story?
0:35:29 > 0:35:32- "You'll love this..."- Yeah!
0:35:32 > 0:35:36He tells it with wide-eyed enthusiasm and wonder every time.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39Basically, this guy worked in a sawmill in New Zealand,
0:35:39 > 0:35:44and one day, he was cutting a piece of wood and chopped his finger off.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47About six months later, somebody else started at this sawmill
0:35:47 > 0:35:49and they said, "Hey, Ched, how did you lose your thumb?"
0:35:49 > 0:35:53and he said, "Oh, I did this..." and he actually cut his other thumb off,
0:35:53 > 0:35:56while he was demonstrating what he'd done.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59See, that's what I call an anecdote!
0:36:00 > 0:36:03No, not the telling of that story, but the guy who,
0:36:03 > 0:36:07in order to give his anecdote real verve,
0:36:07 > 0:36:09actually reproduced the accident!
0:36:09 > 0:36:12And at least that has a one-off-ness.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15- Well, two-off.- Yeah.
0:36:15 > 0:36:16- But he hadn't done that before.- No.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19He's not telling that anecdote a third time.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24But when people have said to me that something's happened with us
0:36:24 > 0:36:26and it's been funny, and they've said,
0:36:26 > 0:36:29"Oh, man, I've dined out on that story,"
0:36:29 > 0:36:33and I always think, where?!
0:36:33 > 0:36:36Have you ever gone into a restaurant and said,
0:36:36 > 0:36:39at the end of the meal, "Do you take anecdotes?"
0:36:40 > 0:36:43And they say, "Oh, I'll just get you the microphone, sir."
0:36:43 > 0:36:45I'm thinking never!
0:36:45 > 0:36:49Also, isn't there a feeling that if you said something to someone,
0:36:49 > 0:36:51within a conversation, that in some ways,
0:36:51 > 0:36:54it's a betrayal of that moment
0:36:54 > 0:37:00to pimp out that narrative around the globe?
0:37:00 > 0:37:03For me, I feel it's a betrayal of the magical moments
0:37:03 > 0:37:06that I have in every interaction.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10I was on Burnham Sands with my family and friends,
0:37:10 > 0:37:14and I got very thirsty, so I walked into someone's house,
0:37:14 > 0:37:18their door was ajar, I walked into the house, they went,
0:37:18 > 0:37:22"Oh, er, are you Frank Skinner?"
0:37:22 > 0:37:25I said, "Yeah, I'm really thirsty, please,"
0:37:25 > 0:37:27and they said, "Oh, what do you want?"
0:37:27 > 0:37:30and I said, "Just water's fine."
0:37:30 > 0:37:33So, they gave me water, and they were having breakfast and I said,
0:37:33 > 0:37:37"I'm actually... I'm a little bit peckish."
0:37:37 > 0:37:41They made me a bacon sandwich, and then as I was leaving,
0:37:41 > 0:37:45I thanked them, Andy and Shona, they were called, and they said,
0:37:45 > 0:37:47"Do you want a can of Coke to take with you?"
0:37:47 > 0:37:49And I said, "Oh, thanks very much.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51I said, "This is really very kind of you,"
0:37:51 > 0:37:54and Andy said, "Well, it's an anecdote, isn't it?"
0:37:56 > 0:37:58OK, so, Richard,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01it's a bonus choice, it's going into Room 101.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:09 > 0:38:11And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Well done, Gabby, you were the most persuasive guest,
0:38:13 > 0:38:15- so you are this week's winner. - Thank you very much.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:18 > 0:38:22Thanks very much, Alun Cochrane, Gabby Logan and Richard Ayoade.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25And thank you. Goodnight.
0:38:25 > 0:38:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE