0:00:26 > 0:00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Hello. I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41the show where three guests will be vying to have their pet hates and peeves
0:00:41 > 0:00:46forever consigned to the dark, desolate wasteland that is Room 101.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories,
0:00:49 > 0:00:54but there's only enough space for one at a time - the final decision is mine.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57Choosing the one I like least from a category can be difficult.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Take, for example, this group.
0:01:05 > 0:01:10You've got to have a bit of light amidst the dark, haven't you? Give me another category.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- LAUGHTER - That's it, much cheerier(!)
0:01:18 > 0:01:20So let's meet the guests.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Joining me tonight are wildlife expert, Chris Packham,
0:01:23 > 0:01:26presenter, Chris Tarrant, and rock legend, Alice Cooper.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Let's have our first category.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45OK, so the first category is celebrities.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Let's have a look at Alice Cooper's choice.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54LAUGHTER
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Exactly. I hate all reality TV stars.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Reality "stars" are not stars
0:02:00 > 0:02:03because they've never worked for anything.
0:02:03 > 0:02:08When I pick up a magazine and it says, "Tiffany and Jeff breaking up",
0:02:08 > 0:02:10and I go, "I don't know who these people are."
0:02:10 > 0:02:12You know, I'm at the point where...
0:02:12 > 0:02:18You understand that, even in the States, we have a bunch of drunk kids in New Jersey
0:02:18 > 0:02:21in a house that I would like to open the gas line
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- and just light the match and let it blow up, you know? - APPLAUSE
0:02:26 > 0:02:30- This is Jersey Shore of which you speak, isn't it?- Yes.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32But, I mean, Big Brother.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34You've got this horrendous person
0:02:34 > 0:02:36that you wouldn't talk to in real life
0:02:36 > 0:02:39and this other horrendous person
0:02:39 > 0:02:41that you would rather kill than look at
0:02:41 > 0:02:44and if they're on an island,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I hope the tidal wave kills all of them, you know?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49APPLAUSE
0:02:51 > 0:02:56- That's fire and water you've finished them off with already. - Yeah.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Well, I must admit, I am sort of interested in these people a bit.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I think they do us a lot of good
0:03:03 > 0:03:06because, compared to them, in the world of celebrity,
0:03:06 > 0:03:11- since they've arrived, we all look much deeper, more talented.- Yeah.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15You know, I never thought that you would come up with a positive thought on it,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17but you actually are right.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18We had a reality star called...
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I think it's fair to call him that, he was on talent show, called Chico.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- I don't know if he ever made...?- No.
0:03:25 > 0:03:31He had a catchphrase, which is very important in this business, and it was, "It's Chico time."
0:03:32 > 0:03:34And when he took his photo,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I'll tell you how he signified that it was "Chico time".
0:03:38 > 0:03:39LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:44I'm not sure about this because I do like those...
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I like those programmes.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I like watching reality stuff. - I just... I'm old school.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51I like a star that's a star,
0:03:51 > 0:03:54he's worked to be a star and there he is - he's a star.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57And go look at him and you go, "Oh, that's a star."
0:03:57 > 0:04:01And then you look at these kids and you go, "Really? Really?!"
0:04:01 > 0:04:05LAUGHTER But there are those still. There's one there on the screen,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08and it's not Brad on the left, who is incredibly famous,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11is in all the magazines Alice is talking about,
0:04:11 > 0:04:13makes a very large amount of money,
0:04:13 > 0:04:19sells books, which she ghost writes in crayon by the... LAUGHTER
0:04:19 > 0:04:21..by the shed-load!
0:04:21 > 0:04:22She's very popular.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27I went to a book signing that took about six or seven hours - Jordan.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Her second book was a bit quicker.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31LAUGHTER
0:04:31 > 0:04:36Anyway, erm...you argue with true venom, Alice.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40Let's see what Chris Tarrant doesn't like about celebrity.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Jedward!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I've said it now. Jedward!
0:04:56 > 0:05:01They are everything that Alice is on about, except they have a name.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06I don't understand a word they say, I don't think it would matter much if I found out,
0:05:06 > 0:05:10but they cannot sing, they cannot dance at all,
0:05:10 > 0:05:15they irritate the... out of just about everybody.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16They were on The X Factor,
0:05:16 > 0:05:20which supposedly is a search for excellence,
0:05:20 > 0:05:23someone who's got the X factor, someone like Mr Cooper on my left,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26who can go on to be a great star or whatever.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's the Y Factor! Why are they still on?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30LAUGHTER
0:05:30 > 0:05:33And, genetically, twins breed twins.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35There'll be bloody thousands of them!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- Isn't there something loveable about them?- No.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I love...they've got a fabulous sort of...
0:05:42 > 0:05:47They're fools, but they seem resilient - they bounce back.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50I have a clip which... you'll really enjoy this.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52This shows how durable they are.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56This is Jedward on stage and one of them, don't ask me which one,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00actually, mid-song, fractures a bone in his leg.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03# Pressure on people, people on streets
0:06:05 > 0:06:07LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:14# Too cold, too cold. #
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Come on! Are you OK?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Let's do this!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23LAUGHTER
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Are you sure that wasn't an assassination attempt and...?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- I think they've changed the world. - No, they haven't!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Who would have thought we'd be in a position
0:06:35 > 0:06:38where the Cheeky Girls are not the stupidest twins in showbiz?
0:06:39 > 0:06:41There is that.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46And they actually did great services for the United States.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52They received full military honours, Jedward, for their part in the killing of Osama Bin Laden.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- Really? Oh. - Here they are receiving their...
0:06:56 > 0:07:01They worked undercover in Al-Qaeda under the name of Jehadward.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03LAUGHTER
0:07:06 > 0:07:09OK, you make your point, Chris.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14Let's see which celebrity Chris Packham doesn't like.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:25 > 0:07:29- It is the odious...- Ooh! - ..Chris Moyles.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33Just saying his name, I've probably developed a rash.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37- Can I ask what it is that you don't like about him?- Yeah. OK.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Well, there's a list of things. Firstly...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Hold on a minute.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44To me, he's a totemic figure
0:07:44 > 0:07:49for the celebration of mediocrity and ignorance.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- You know, he... - APPLAUSE
0:07:54 > 0:08:00And he manifests this by speaking without ever thinking, you know,
0:08:00 > 0:08:04and when he... And he's self-aggrandizing.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06He... Oh, my goodness me.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Hold on. I've just got to breathe a bit.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13I see him as a sort of cheeky Jabba The Hutt.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15LAUGHTER
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Can I say, before you tear in any more,
0:08:17 > 0:08:23Chris Moyles does, erm, he's done 17.5 hours of radio a week...
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Oh, my god.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27..for seven years.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30They say that if an infinite number of monkeys
0:08:30 > 0:08:32typed on an infinite number of typewriters,
0:08:32 > 0:08:36eventually they would produce the works of Shakespeare.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40But, on the way, they'd produce quite a bit of casual sexism.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42I think that's how it's worked...
0:08:42 > 0:08:46He's doing hours and hours of stuff, you've got to allow him the odd slip.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48One badly damaged marmoset
0:08:48 > 0:08:54typing on a Speak And Spell machine would produce his average show(!)
0:08:54 > 0:08:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I worked with Moyles at Capital Radio,
0:09:01 > 0:09:06- when he did the prestigious 1am slot until 2:30am or something. - See? He's paid his dues.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10You know, he did a 52-hour marathon on the radio
0:09:10 > 0:09:13and raised £2.4 million for charity.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16And how many people died in their rooms, you know?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19LAUGHTER
0:09:19 > 0:09:24Well, look, you've all argued with tremendous passion in this round,
0:09:24 > 0:09:27but, er, I'm not going to let Chris Moyles in
0:09:27 > 0:09:31because I think radio is a tough job and he does loads of it
0:09:31 > 0:09:33and I think some of it is great.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35And even Homer nods, as they say.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- Jedward, I have a soft spot for... - Oh, come on!
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Because I like them.- No! - I like fools of all kinds.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44But I'm going to go with Alice.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49You know what, I am going to put all reality TV stars into Room 101.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Thank you. Thank you.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:01 > 0:10:05OK, let's move on to the next category.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Animals. Oh, dear.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Animals that wind-up Alice Cooper.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:27I hate people that have wild animals as pets.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I don't get it. Eventually, that animal is going to eat you.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33LAUGHTER
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Chris, being a zoologist,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- is thinking, "That giraffe will never eat that man, ever." - LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Didn't you used to keep snakes?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I have a snake here. I can't remember where I put it.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46LAUGHTER
0:10:47 > 0:10:52A lot of people have snakes. Not many people have tigers and lions.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55It's always...you read in the paper, "I don't know what happened.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57"I raised him from a cub
0:10:57 > 0:11:00"and now he's this big and he just took my face off.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04He's a tiger. You're lunch!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06LAUGHTER
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- My girlfriend keeps tigers and lions, Alice.- Really?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Does she really? - I'm in a difficult position.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Your girlfriend keeps tigers and lions?- She does, yeah.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Now, look, I think...
0:11:18 > 0:11:23- Is that why you're wearing a camouflage shirt? - LAUGHTER
0:11:23 > 0:11:26No, my partner has a sanctuary where she gets animals
0:11:26 > 0:11:30from people who have tried to keep them, like Alice is talking about.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Her last one came from Florida and it was a tiger
0:11:32 > 0:11:34and it was brought over to the UK.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37She keeps it in a large enclosure with plenty of space
0:11:37 > 0:11:42and it will live out the rest of its life acting as an ambassador for its species.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46- Many people come to see it and learn about it. - It's working as an ambassador?
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- Is that like Geri Halliwell did for UNICEF? - LAUGHTER
0:11:51 > 0:11:56I mean, I kept lots of exotic animals when I was a kid,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- and now I let my girlfriend do it for me. - Like what? What did you have?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01We had British wild animals -
0:12:01 > 0:12:03foxes and badgers and owls and buzzards.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05- And then rattle snakes. - As pets?- Yeah.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- Where did you keep them? Were they just in your house? - Yeah, in the bedroom.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11You had a fox in your bedroom and a badger?
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- That's amazing. Is it legal, Chris? - Well, no.- I'm sorry, I...
0:12:15 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:18 > 0:12:19I love animals. I love animals.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I have dogs, I have, you know, snakes, everything like that,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25and I treat them like they're made out of porcelain.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28They're my favourite things in the world - animals.
0:12:28 > 0:12:35It's just that when they get to weigh four times more than you do and they want to play,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38they can break you in half just playing with you.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I don't know anybody who has a giraffe.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46- Oh, Michael Jackson had a giraffe, and look what it did to him. - LAUGHTER
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Hey, come on. - APPLAUSE
0:12:53 > 0:12:57You're not trying to pin this on the giraffe are you?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- Call it doctor all you want, but it was the giraffe. - LAUGHTER
0:13:03 > 0:13:06OK, let's see what kind of animals wind up Chris Tarrant.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- Oh, I hate them!- Aaah.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16No, sorry. Parrots - I hate parrots!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19I love birds. I spend a lot of time out in the country.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I hate...it didn't help that when I was six I was attacked by a parrot.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Well, that is...- It just went "Waaark!" and attacked me.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- You can't blame all parrots for one...- I do!
0:13:30 > 0:13:34They don't...they don't sing, they don't talk.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38- "Did you hear what it...?" "Mwark!" - They do talk.- No, they do not.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41There's one in my pub, it never says a bloomin' thing.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45"Did you hear what it said? Shakespeare sonnet." No it wasn't. "Wark!"
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Pretty boy. "Bwark!" They don't!
0:13:46 > 0:13:50They can't fly, they fly a bit. They've got these horrible...
0:13:50 > 0:13:54they haven't got lovely, pretty, chirpy beaks, they've got these can openers.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59Look at them. Horrible things! And they crap...everywhere.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Long John Silver, you never saw him from behind, did you?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06LAUGHTER
0:14:06 > 0:14:10In the pirate films, when I was a kid, I used to like the parrots better than the pirates.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15I would have made Parrots Of The Caribbean if I was going to make that.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17I just thought they were fascinating.
0:14:17 > 0:14:22If you go to a beautiful island in the Caribbean, St Lucia,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25there's signs everywhere saying, "Do not eat the parrot."
0:14:25 > 0:14:28It never crossed my mind, frankly.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- You can't do anything with them. They are horrible. - I think they repeat on you.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36GROANS AND LAUGHTER
0:14:38 > 0:14:43- Parrots can talk. - Of course they can't.- They can. - You've got a badger in your bed.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47I am not going to argue with a man who wakes up with a Shetland pony(!)
0:14:48 > 0:14:52OK, which animals wind up Chris Packham?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Hold on.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05There is only one animal species that I don't like
0:15:05 > 0:15:09and that is Homo sapiens, the human species.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- What?- We have ruined everything.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Before you go on, is this just another sneaky way of getting Chris Moyles in?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21LAUGHTER
0:15:25 > 0:15:28We have ruined everything.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32We had a lovely little blue planet, drifting in a solar system,
0:15:32 > 0:15:35everything was in harmony, things were evolving,
0:15:35 > 0:15:39things were becoming extinct, we were having a nice little time with dinosaurs,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43and then, all of a sudden, mammals and then hominids.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46You know, we stand upright with our opposing thumb and our bigger brain
0:15:46 > 0:15:51and then some idiot invents agriculture about 12,000 years ago
0:15:51 > 0:15:55and then another idiot comes up with medicine so we live too long.
0:15:55 > 0:16:02And, all of a sudden, you've got 6.97 billion human beings trashing the whole lot.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05APPLAUSE
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- What are you doing, you fools? - Why are you all clapping?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11But we are the stewards of creation.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14That's why we invented the high-viz jacket.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17LAUGHTER
0:16:17 > 0:16:22We should be living in harmony with the rest of the world and we don't do it.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Do you know, there are more... When it comes to vertebrate animals, animals with backbones,
0:16:26 > 0:16:31there are more humans than any other species on the planet...
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- But that's because we're best, Chris.- But we're not.
0:16:33 > 0:16:37- You're telling us we are not best? - We're not best.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38That's...look at this.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41LAUGHTER
0:16:41 > 0:16:44You ask a chimpan...
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Rubbish!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49OK, this is my trump card,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52because I think there's something very magical about humanity.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56It's easy to criticise and talk about the bad things we've done to the planet,
0:16:56 > 0:17:00but I think there's also something beautiful and wondrous and magical about it.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Here is my argument against you, Chris Packham.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the human race!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:11 > 0:17:14RHYTHMIC CLAPPING
0:17:20 > 0:17:22What time is it?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24It's Chico time!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Oh, come on! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I think I win.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44OK, so we come to the end of the animals round,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47and, you know what, I can't put human beings in
0:17:47 > 0:17:50because they're too special and wondrous and marvellous.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53I don't think it's right to put the wild animals we've kept,
0:17:53 > 0:17:58because I think you keep a snake and I'm putting you next to that man with the giraffe.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03- And although I love parrots, you argued it with such verve, Chris. - As you would(!)
0:18:03 > 0:18:07I am going to put parrots into Room 101.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Bye-bye.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Bye.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14APPLAUSE
0:18:21 > 0:18:24OK, the next category, please.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Ah, this is the Wildcard Round because we feel we might constrain you a bit in your choices,
0:18:33 > 0:18:38so we give you one round where you're free to pick the thing that winds you up most of all.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42So let's find out what Chris Tarrant chose.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50LAUGHTER
0:18:50 > 0:18:54All commercials on the television that try and sell me insurance.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57They are just driving me up the wall!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02When you're a kid, I remember my dad saying, "The insurance man's coming", knock on the door,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05it's something you were afraid of or quite spooky.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Now they are just... I don't know why,
0:19:07 > 0:19:11they just line up to make the most infuriating commercial and they use the oddest things.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14They choose the strangest people.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Michael Parkinson. I have huge love and respect for Michael Parkinson,
0:19:17 > 0:19:20except he's doing some sort of commercial for...
0:19:20 > 0:19:24basically choose your own funeral arrangements, whatever, with free pen(!)
0:19:24 > 0:19:27LAUGHTER Michael, what are you doing?
0:19:27 > 0:19:30It's like, "I didn't know which coffin to go for,
0:19:30 > 0:19:34"but now I've got a free Biro, that's the one for me." What's that about?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36In case anyone hasn't seen that,
0:19:36 > 0:19:39let's have a look at the advert of which Chris speaks.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I've met thousands of fascinating people
0:19:42 > 0:19:44and I have some wonderful memories,
0:19:44 > 0:19:50but if you'd like to leave your loved ones more than happy memories, you might want to look at this -
0:19:50 > 0:19:53The Axa Sun Life Guaranteed Over-50 plan.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57You'll receive a free Parker pen just for inquiring.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00You're dead! Who are you going to write to?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02LAUGHTER
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- From the grave? - What you want is a Papermate
0:20:05 > 0:20:09so you can write upside down with, so you can write on the lid.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13I'm sorry, it's just always insurance of some form or another.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16And if it's not them, what do they use? Meerkats.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19CHEERING No! No, not that one.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22What's that one called? Aleksandr Orlov or something.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24He wants to have the snip, simples.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27He does. Gone.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33- The meerkat had a best-selling book. - So did Jordan! LAUGHTER
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Yeah, but I think that the meerkat wrote more of his than she did.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:43 > 0:20:48OK, let's see what Chris Packham's wildcard is.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Children's art.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:02 > 0:21:07- That's terrible.- Now, look... - You're bad.- You can't do that.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10There's nothing wrong with children's art, OK?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12It's children's art in public places,
0:21:12 > 0:21:17and that includes pinned to the fridges of the houses that I visit
0:21:17 > 0:21:21because that essentially becomes a public place when I visit it.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23LAUGHTER
0:21:23 > 0:21:27- Now, I had a friend and he was a... - I find that hard to believe.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30LAUGHTER
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- Was it a weasel?- It was past tense. It was past tense.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38He was very, very keen on art.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41I have a passionate interest in art myself.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43He was an artist and I went round to his house.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47He's had a kid and he's got some rubbish like this on the fridge.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Well, I tore it up and put it in the bin.- No!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- You didn't!- I did
0:21:52 > 0:21:56- I did.- Chris, tell me you're exaggerating for comic effect.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I'm not exaggerating. William, his son,
0:21:58 > 0:22:02had done this hideous caricature of some deformed animal or something
0:22:02 > 0:22:05and I tore it up and put it in the bin.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You know, how could he be so hypocritical?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Obviously, yes, enjoy it, share it with the family
0:22:11 > 0:22:14and then file it away where it can't be seen.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Well, look, we got some of our production team's children to draw you.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:26They've watched...they've watched Autumn thingy, and all that,
0:22:26 > 0:22:28and this was what they came up with.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29- AUDIENCE:- Aww...
0:22:29 > 0:22:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:32 > 0:22:37I don't know...I think Michaela Strachan has looked better.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43- But doesn't that make you feel a bit guilty, that they've drawn a lovely Chris Packham?- It doesn't.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47- I'm very flattered that they've, done that, and I...- We told them to.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53But, nevertheless, they picked up their felt tips and they, you know,
0:22:53 > 0:22:57inscribed a hideous caricature of myself on a piece of cheap paper.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02- And as much as I appreciate that... - You're a monster.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05And as much as I appreciate that and I'm flattered by that,
0:23:05 > 0:23:09I would take that home and I would write to the child and say thank you very much,
0:23:09 > 0:23:14- because I would want to encourage their interest...- You can't write with hands like that(!)
0:23:14 > 0:23:16LAUGHTER
0:23:16 > 0:23:20- I just wouldn't put it on the wall, that's all.- OK.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I've got a bit of an itchy...
0:23:23 > 0:23:25LAUGHTER
0:23:27 > 0:23:30More realistic than you think.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36OK, let's see Alice Cooper's wildcard.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43LAUGHTER
0:23:45 > 0:23:49I hate clowns that make animals out of balloons.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51I hate the sound of it.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52IMITATES SQUEAKY BALLOON
0:23:52 > 0:23:56I was on an airplane one time when, and I don't smoke,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59this is back when you could smoke on an airline,
0:23:59 > 0:24:03and there'd be a kid with a balloon and I would light a cigarette and walk by and pop it.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05LAUGHTER
0:24:05 > 0:24:12I'm so sorry. When we get off the plane and you're in your car, I'll buy you another balloon, OK?
0:24:12 > 0:24:16- But not on an enclosed airplane where you get... - MAKES BALLOON NOISES
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I can't stand the sound of a squeaky balloon.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22In case anyone isn't familiar with the sound...
0:24:22 > 0:24:23BALLOON SQUEAKS
0:24:25 > 0:24:26It's not that easy to do.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31LAUGHTER
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Sorry. I'm Catholic. I'm not used to this.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39I'm no big fan of the balloons at all.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44- They're stupid-looking, aren't they? You've never seen a good-looking balloon hat.- No.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I've never seen an accurate facsimile of any animal.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- No. That's nothing you've ever had in your bed?- Never.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53LAUGHTER
0:24:53 > 0:24:58- I'm going to try one thing to win you over.- OK.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Alice, I would like you to meet,
0:25:00 > 0:25:03and please give a warm hand to Mr Graham Lee.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05APPLAUSE
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- Hey, Alice, guess what Graham does. - Yeah, I was afraid of that.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21So, Graham, can you make us a little bit of wildlife?
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Of course I can. This is a classic of balloon modelling.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Here we go.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32And it's...get hold of it like this and there we go.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35A little swan. APPLAUSE
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Brilliant!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43This next one is going to win you over.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Graham prepared one earlier. Can you go and get it, Graham?
0:25:46 > 0:25:50- Wait a second. - If this one doesn't challenge...
0:25:52 > 0:25:54APPLAUSE
0:26:12 > 0:26:15That is brilliant. Look at that snake's face.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18I absolutely lose. That's...how long did that take?
0:26:18 > 0:26:23- Oh, probably about 16 hours. - Anybody got a cigarette?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26LAUGHTER
0:26:28 > 0:26:29That's amazing, that really is.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32What about a big hand for Graham Lee?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34APPLAUSE
0:26:40 > 0:26:43I've come to my final decision of the night.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48Chris, I feel sorry for you, because you've argued so well all night,
0:26:48 > 0:26:53but all the things you've chosen are just really nice things.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57I can't put children's art in, it would just be wrong.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01And I'm not going to put balloon animals in
0:27:01 > 0:27:08because I love the fact that they are made by us and makes us, sort of, God-like creatures.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12But I am, and to be honest, with some gusto,
0:27:12 > 0:27:16- I am going to put insurance adverts into Room 101.- Yes!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:29 > 0:27:32And that brings us to the end of the show
0:27:32 > 0:27:37and well done, Chris, you were the most persuasive contestant tonight and you win.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Oh, fantastic.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42APPLAUSE
0:27:45 > 0:27:49And, as winner, you get to put one choice
0:27:49 > 0:27:52completely unchallenged into Room 101. What will it be?
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Sooty.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56AUDIENCE BOOS
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I can't stand Sooty.
0:27:58 > 0:28:0140 years, it's still not an act.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05It's just a bloke with his hand up a yellow bag.
0:28:06 > 0:28:12Anybody could work with it - Ozzy Osbourne, Prince Charles.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16- If Ozzy Osbourne did it, though, Sooty would be like this. - LAUGHTER
0:28:16 > 0:28:20- Anyway, it goes straight in, Chris. - Good! At last! Yes!
0:28:23 > 0:28:29Thank you very much Christ Tarrant, Chris Packham and Alice Cooper, and thank you. Goodnight.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:48 > 0:28:51Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:51 > 0:28:54E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk