0:00:33 > 0:00:37Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:37 > 0:00:40the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates
0:00:40 > 0:00:43exiled for ever to the dark vault that is Room 101.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47In each round, only one choice can make it into the dreaded room.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49The final decision is mine.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Sometimes it can be difficult deciding my least favourite.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Take, for example, this category.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05I mean, it would be wrong to separate them.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06I think we can cram them all in.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08So, let's meet the guests.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Joining me tonight are author and academic Germaine Greer,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15comedian Ross Noble and pop music's very own Jamelia!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25OK, let's have our first category.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35Modern life. Let's see Germaine's choice.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45- Computer pop-ups. - AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Ooh, the crowd.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Yes, they are a little annoying.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Exasperating. There you are, actually working on something,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56and suddenly - bing! - up comes this thing, and you have to hunt around
0:01:56 > 0:01:58and find the little X to get rid of it,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01and then it's something else hiding underneath.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03By the time you've got your screen clear again,
0:02:03 > 0:02:06you've forgotten what you were doing.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10The ones I hate the most are the ones that pretend to be helpful.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11You write "Dear",
0:02:11 > 0:02:16and up comes a pop-up that says, "Are you trying to write a letter?"
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Isn't one of the worst sounds in the world...?
0:02:22 > 0:02:26MICROSOFT WINDOWS ERROR NOISE
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Oh. It's like life stops for a second.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33What I'd really like to know about computers is this.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Is it just my computer,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38or do you get things listed in your favourites
0:02:38 > 0:02:41that aren't your favourites?
0:02:41 > 0:02:46There's all my things, which are all, you know, football and, um,
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Russian literature...
0:02:51 > 0:02:55And then I'll get stuff like Radio Station Guide.
0:02:55 > 0:03:00When I die, someone will look at my favourites and say "What kind of man was this?"
0:03:00 > 0:03:03That says a lot about what you think your funeral will be like.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today -
0:03:06 > 0:03:10"right, we've got his hard drive. Let's have a look."
0:03:10 > 0:03:13I hope they go through favourites rather than history.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:15 > 0:03:20- Do you ever google yourself, Germaine?- No, never.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23So you've never googled yourself? You must google yourself.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25On an almost hourly basis.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29- You have?- Yeah.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31It really kind of scared me.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33There was a killer in America
0:03:33 > 0:03:37whose name was Jamelia something-or-other,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39and she'd done a really bad crime...
0:03:39 > 0:03:42So many killers have.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45LAUGHTER
0:03:48 > 0:03:51OK, what is Ross Noble's choice?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Health and safety.- Oh, God.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Health and safety in all its many forms.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10I know there'll be do-gooders that say,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13"But come on, we don't want people being injured
0:04:13 > 0:04:14"and it's there to help."
0:04:14 > 0:04:19No, the reason we have danger is to get rid of idiots.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22These signs, my thing that I like to do is,
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I get those in the supermarket
0:04:25 > 0:04:30and I walk along and land on them and I lie on the floor, going,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33"Aaagh! Some idiot left a big yellow sign."
0:04:35 > 0:04:37God's honest truth, right,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40in Afghanistan, right, Camp Bastion,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42in Afghanistan, on the base,
0:04:42 > 0:04:48the guys over there who wear full camouflage, full, proper camouflage,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51at night, for safety reasons,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54have to wear high-vis sashes.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It's a war zone, and you're wearing camouflage!
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Camouflage and high-vis are two ends of the spectrum,
0:05:01 > 0:05:06and we're getting soldiers to wear high-vis in a war zone? No!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10LAUGHTER
0:05:14 > 0:05:15Oh, my God.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Oh, my God.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Here's an example. This is from Barking, right?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Don't say it.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30They've decided in Barking, it was quite a wide pavement,
0:05:30 > 0:05:33so they thought they'd put yellow lines down
0:05:33 > 0:05:36to give people guidance on where to walk.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37LAUGHTER
0:05:39 > 0:05:41This woman is dicing with death.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46She's about to reach out of the zone into the post-box zone.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I also like the fact that there's a trapdoor in front of her.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Even in schools now,
0:05:53 > 0:05:56they're not allowed - well, they're allowed to play conkers
0:05:56 > 0:05:59if they wear the goggles. I'm not joking. I have two daughters,
0:05:59 > 0:06:02and they're not allowed to bring skipping ropes to school,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04because they're dangerous.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- You're kidding me? - No. They are not allowed to skip.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10To be fair, though, as a child,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I was tied to many trees with skipping ropes.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17And also, I think what's happened
0:06:17 > 0:06:20is that the headmaster has googled you
0:06:20 > 0:06:24and thought, "The mum's a strangler..."
0:06:27 > 0:06:30OK, so, that is Ross's choice.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34Let's see what Jamelia doesn't like about modern life.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Oh!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Can you actually read that? - This is exactly my problem.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I hate text speak.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I hate "LOL" and all of that,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55because I feel as if I'm decoding something.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59I didn't go to school for so many years to communicate in this way.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It really irritates me.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- But it's the future. - It's not the future.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07It is. The language is changing. In ten years' time,
0:07:07 > 0:07:09people on Countdown will say,
0:07:09 > 0:07:13"Consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant, consonant".
0:07:13 > 0:07:14That'll be it.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19- In ten years' time, Countdown probably won't exist and...- Whoa!
0:07:19 > 0:07:20LAUGHTER
0:07:20 > 0:07:25If anyone just tunes in and hears that, they'll be horrified.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Well, nobody will know how to spell.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30This is going to become the norm,
0:07:30 > 0:07:34so we have to put it in Room 101 as soon as possible. We do!
0:07:34 > 0:07:35CHEERING
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Can I ask you a personal question?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42I've heard that some parents are anti this because the kids use it
0:07:42 > 0:07:45and because the parents don't understand it,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47the kids can have secret conversations
0:07:47 > 0:07:50and the parents can't work it out. Is that right?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Well, my kids aren't old enough for texting.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I mean, they can, but they're not old enough for this.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00I am strongly against it, like, they won't be...
0:08:00 > 0:08:04I'm the leader of my house, and I will be seeing all text messages.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- I'll be seeing every message you ever send.- What?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11As a parent, I need to be a spy. I'm going to be a spy.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12I am.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- I'm going to know everything you do before you even do it.- What, me?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19LAUGHTER
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Have you just adopted Frank?
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Yeah, we're keeping it hush-hush at the moment. The paperwork's still going through.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I just love saying, "This is my mum". "Isn't she a murderer?"
0:08:30 > 0:08:32"No, it wasn't her."
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I honestly do like it.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I think it's shorter and quicker.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I start all my prayers now "OMG."
0:08:46 > 0:08:52- I've got one more thing.- Oh, sorry. - I'm very passionate about this.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57Even in e-mails, I'm now starting to get this text speak.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00You know, I'm a businesswoman. Give me proper words.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- Are you a businesswoman?- I am a businesswoman.- What are you selling?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Myself - in a good way!
0:09:05 > 0:09:08LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Can I just say - OMG.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Can I just say WTF?
0:09:24 > 0:09:30OK. At the end of this, I must admit, I hate computer pop-ups.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32And I hate health and safety.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36But Jamelia argues her case so strongly,
0:09:36 > 0:09:38even though I really like text speak,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I cannot argue with the woman,
0:09:40 > 0:09:44so I'm going to put text speak into Room 101.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45APPLAUSE
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Right, then, let's have our next category.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06It's people.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10Let's see what people wind up Ross Noble.
0:10:17 > 0:10:21What this is is, um, cycling commuters.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Now, just whoa there.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Not all cycling commuters.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28But there's certain cyclists
0:10:28 > 0:10:31that think that because they're saving the planet
0:10:31 > 0:10:35and all pandas are living because they're doing a bit of pedalling,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39it's all right for them to go straight through red lights
0:10:39 > 0:10:40and break the law. Oh, yeah.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45By that rationale...
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Are they clapping the going through the red lights?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I think they might be, yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I like the ones that have a bike and they haven't got a helmet on,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59and the bike's not particularly well maintained,
0:10:59 > 0:11:02and they're just riding around, taking risks.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- I don't mind that.- Dangerous ones are all right.- Exactly.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08I don't mind the ones that are risking themselves.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11But the ones that have got the light mounted
0:11:11 > 0:11:13like a flashing Teletubby...
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Or a Teletubby that's flashing, I don't mean Tinky Winky giving it...
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- No.- That would be very disturbing. "Eh-oh!"
0:11:21 > 0:11:28What we should have is, at every traffic light, a sniper.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30LAUGHTER AND SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:11:30 > 0:11:33You lot are really worrying me now.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36"Let's kill people!"
0:11:36 > 0:11:40You could lead this lot out onto the street,
0:11:40 > 0:11:42holding up flaming torches.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Just find the nearest cyclist and drag them down.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- But you cycle, don't you? - I do, yeah.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53But I cycle in the woods and in the fields,
0:11:53 > 0:11:54or on a mountain bike.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I do cycle and I like cycling,
0:11:56 > 0:12:00but it's just the - recumbent bikes. Have you seen these?
0:12:00 > 0:12:05If you don't know what a recumbent bike is, we have a picture of one.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10There. I mean, it's handy,
0:12:10 > 0:12:14because you're already in the coffin position.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17When you die - straight in the back of the hearse.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Just a wrap, that's all you need.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Put a cat flap on the back of the coffin.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26I must admit, I am very tempted by the recumbent bike.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29If I was going on one of those, I'd start to think at myself,
0:12:29 > 0:12:33"How small a dog could I pass under?"
0:12:33 > 0:12:35If it was a soaking wet Afghan hound,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38it'd be like going through a car-wash.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Lovely fringes of silky fur.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46We've got a clip of someone cycling in the countryside.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50It doesn't look that idyllic to me.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59LAUGHTER
0:13:05 > 0:13:07You see?
0:13:07 > 0:13:12That there is exactly what we need, an antelope on every junction.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15A giant antelope at every single junction.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20Fair enough. I feel you've made your point.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23What kind of people wind up Jamelia?
0:13:29 > 0:13:33This represents, um, smelly people. Now...
0:13:36 > 0:13:37LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:41That's just cruel.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46No, I'll tell you. To me, smelly people are very inconsiderate.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48And they're also the most...
0:13:48 > 0:13:51I don't know, they want to get close to you.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55People with smelly breath always talk.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57It's a kind of like their rule.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01"I haven't brushed my teeth, so I'm going to talk right in your face."
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Yeah, they all do that breathing thing.
0:14:03 > 0:14:09Yeah, but it's inconsiderate. It's mean, and I just think it's...
0:14:09 > 0:14:14I've got a very sensitive nose, and I think it's unfair. I have.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17I can smell people, and I think...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Have we got any in tonight, would you say?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I find, if there's anyone at home
0:14:25 > 0:14:29who thinks they might have a body odour problem,
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I think when people are dry retching...
0:14:31 > 0:14:34That's the first thing to look out for.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35I've got to say,
0:14:35 > 0:14:40there's something I find uneasy about the smelly people thing,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44because I think a lot of them don't know and they're not told by people,
0:14:44 > 0:14:46- so it's not their fault. - There is no excuse.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48As far as I'm concerned, if you're wearing clothes,
0:14:48 > 0:14:51you can afford deodorant. Simple as that.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53That's a fabulous maxim you've come up with.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55There are answers.
0:14:55 > 0:15:00This is not a joke thing, this is an actual American product
0:15:00 > 0:15:04which was produced for this very problem.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Are used suffering from pungent pits? Foul feet?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Beastly butt odour?
0:15:12 > 0:15:13How do you stop the stink?
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Hi, I'm Adam Jay, and this is Doc Bottoms' A Spray.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21A Spray your butt, A Spray your feet, A Spray under your arms.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23You can even A Spray your privates.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26A Spray is safe for all your odour zones.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Call right now before you stink up the place.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34That is the greatest invention, I'm sorry.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36The cleavage surprised me.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37You never hear anyone say,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39"She's a nice girl, but her cleavage..."
0:15:39 > 0:15:41LAUGHTER
0:15:41 > 0:15:45OK, I think that's a very good point,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49so what kind of people annoy Germaine?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58The people who annoy me are "ac-tors".
0:15:58 > 0:16:01One of the problems about them, you see,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04and it's interesting this should be poor old Hamlet,
0:16:04 > 0:16:07because it doesn't matter how dim an actor is,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10he always thinks he has a Hamlet in him,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14and it's going to be different from everybody else's Hamlet.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18I can remember one Hamlet who actually took all his clothes off,
0:16:18 > 0:16:23and got himself flogged on stage, he had so little faith in the play
0:16:23 > 0:16:26and so little modesty himself.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29And actors always think that people are interested in them,
0:16:29 > 0:16:33and that they are interesting and they're really not.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I have done a bit of acting myself, though,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38and I am, I think you'll agree, fascinating.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Yes, but not because you're an actor,
0:16:40 > 0:16:43you're fascinating because you're you.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49You've so upped your chances of winning this round.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52We had to put up with all that Hugh Grant carry on
0:16:52 > 0:16:57- during the Murdoch carry on, remember that?- Yes.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00And he would say incredible things like,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03that he was having to check his car every day
0:17:03 > 0:17:06to see if there was a bug in his car,
0:17:06 > 0:17:11and no-one ever said, "Hugh, dear, was there ever a bug in your car?"
0:17:11 > 0:17:15No. Apparently there was a woman looking under the dashboard for one.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17LAUGHTER
0:17:18 > 0:17:24I've heard actors say some funny and interesting things.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- I mean, I wrote them. - Usually written by other people.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Why is my morning news programme
0:17:30 > 0:17:33messed up with actors who have to come tottering on
0:17:33 > 0:17:35and talk some kind of connected sense
0:17:35 > 0:17:38about what they're doing at the moment,
0:17:38 > 0:17:40and everyone appears to be so interested.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42It's not interesting.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45You hear me?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47AUDIENCE MEMBER: Stop watching it then!
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Well, I'm waiting for the next bit of news, I don't have very much choice.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53It's that or GMTV.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55LAUGHTER
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Forgot to mention Kate Winslet is in.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:03 > 0:18:05OK, now it comes to my decision.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I'm not going to let smelly people in.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11It feels a bit cruel and unkind.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15And I know there are some dodgy cyclists, but I think most cyclists
0:18:15 > 0:18:20are basically saving the planet - good, courageous people.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22LAUGHTER AND BOOING
0:18:23 > 0:18:26I'm going to put actors into Room 101.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30CHEERS AND BOOS
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Anyway, let's move on to the next category.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48OK, we now come to the wildcard round,
0:18:48 > 0:18:51and in this one there are no holds barred, you can pick anything
0:18:51 > 0:18:55at all you don't like without the restraints of the usual categories.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59So let's see what Jamelia's wild card is.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08My wild card is mornings.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Mornings?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I want to know who decided
0:19:13 > 0:19:15that everything has to start in the morning.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Why...?
0:19:16 > 0:19:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:22 > 0:19:27Why can our day not start at 12, or at least 11?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29There'll be students at home thinking,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31"What's she talking about?"
0:19:31 > 0:19:34They'll be googling "morning".
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I'm a mother of two, and they go to school,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40and every morning we have to get up about half six or seven,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43and it's horrible.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Who decided that school has to start at 9 o'clock?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Why can't it start at 11?
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Can we not try it out? Who do I talk to?
0:19:51 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I don't know the answer.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56It's no good getting on to me about it,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I don't know who made it that way.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Does anyone like waking up?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I do, if I know I've got a Cumberland sausage in the fridge.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Honestly, that will get me out of bed. You know a Cumberland?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Have you ever heated one in a microwave?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- Don't they straighten? - No, I tell you what it's like...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I've heard they uncoil in the microwave.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19They come up like a cobra.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26I had an alarm clock, it was sort of a lamp alarm clock thing,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30and it was a football, and it was activated by sound,
0:20:30 > 0:20:34so if you woke up in the night, you could go like this
0:20:34 > 0:20:38and the light would come on and it was brilliant.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Unfortunately, if you...
0:20:42 > 0:20:46broke wind with any kind of rigour,
0:20:46 > 0:20:50the light would come on, which always felt like a reprimand.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52LAUGHTER
0:20:52 > 0:20:55OK, let's have a look at Germaine's choice.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06It might be difficult to tell, but this is a fun run.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09You don't want to put fun runs into Room 101?
0:21:09 > 0:21:10I do.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I'm really fed up with them.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17I'm fed up with them because, first of all, I'm meant to like them.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19They are so worthy and so noble,
0:21:19 > 0:21:22and the people are all being so self-sacrificing,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24and it's supposed to be fun,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28that's the other thing, and all I can see is misery.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31I can see people really abusing their bodies.
0:21:31 > 0:21:36For charity, which I'm not really keen on either. I really feel...
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Let's go the whole way and put charity into Room 101.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I've tried in the past,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44however, but that's another thing.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46What really gets me is,
0:21:46 > 0:21:49you see people doing things that are really stupid,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52like running along loaded down with heavy things,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56taking hours and days to get to the finishing line,
0:21:56 > 0:21:59wrecking their own health, destroying their joints.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01They're all going to need attention later on
0:22:01 > 0:22:04and become a burden on the health service,
0:22:04 > 0:22:06but it's really the worthiness of it.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Also, I'm sick of them.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12There are so many of them. Enough, we've had enough fun runs.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15They're wrongly-named, they're misery runs.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19They're dangerous, and why don't you just write a cheque?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21LAUGHTER
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I know what you mean about the misuse of the word fun.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27Anyone who's ever been glassed in a fun pub will know
0:22:27 > 0:22:30that you can't impose fun on anyone.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It's like "fun-size"?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35A fun-size chocolate bar is a smaller chocolate bar
0:22:35 > 0:22:37than a normal one.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42So that means our economy is now more fun than it used to be.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46What I love about when you watch the Great North Run
0:22:46 > 0:22:47and the London Marathon
0:22:47 > 0:22:51is you've got some little Kenyan guy with no shoes on up the front,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53and he's just running like mad,
0:22:53 > 0:22:58and that in itself, but I love to watch him
0:22:58 > 0:23:03and imagine all the people dressed as rhinos and turtles are after him.
0:23:03 > 0:23:08There's rhinos and Honey Monsters going, "Kill him!"
0:23:10 > 0:23:16OK, fun runs. And finally, what is Ross Noble's wild-card choice?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Folk dancing.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Folk dancing?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Folk dancing.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30You know, I travel quite a lot, and it just seems wherever you go,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33you're just trying to relax and have a nice time,
0:23:33 > 0:23:37and the next thing you know, and it's the words that just strike
0:23:37 > 0:23:40fear into my heart, "Oh, you're lucky, any minute now
0:23:40 > 0:23:44"there'll be a display of local dancing."
0:23:44 > 0:23:45LAUGHTER
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Usually it's rubbish as well.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Especially, and I know I'm in a dodgy area,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53but if you go to Africa,
0:23:53 > 0:23:56and I know it's meant to be this deeply cultural thing,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58and you have local dancing,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00but I swear they've just changed out of their tracksuits,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03put on a coconut bra.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And that's not dancing.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11- Do they have coconuts in Africa? - No, they don't.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14That is what aroused my suspicion.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16LAUGHTER
0:24:16 > 0:24:19It doesn't matter where you go in the world,
0:24:19 > 0:24:22it's just the same arsing about with different pants on.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Or no pants at all sometimes.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Well, on a good day.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Now, I really disagree with you on this.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36I think that folk dancing is a link to an ancient world
0:24:36 > 0:24:39that's been steamrollered by industrialisation.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42No.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I do, when I see the Morris dancers,
0:24:44 > 0:24:47there's something fabulously pagan and exciting about it.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I take your point, and I raise you five geography teachers
0:24:50 > 0:24:52with a pig's bladder on a stick.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- I love it!- # Oh, hey nonny no, with a hey nonny no... #
0:24:54 > 0:24:56No, I love that!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00It doesn't matter who's doing it, it's what it represents.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04The original Morris dancers were like the bad boys.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06They were courageous figures.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09You take the maypole, it's brilliant.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10I love maypole dancing.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13It's like swingball, but instead of a ball they use villagers.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15LAUGHTER
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I love it.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19In England, there's something real about it
0:25:19 > 0:25:24and it doesn't have all that plasticness of the 21st century.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes!- Thanks.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- And also...- Woah, woah, woah!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Some Morris dancers have clearly got in.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I don't like it. If I hear jingling, I'm coming up there.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I really, really disagree with you, Ross.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I think you have this image of folk dancing
0:25:42 > 0:25:46as something that's frozen and doesn't change and doesn't evolve.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49But in fact, it can be modernised.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52I'll give you a fabulous example, this might change your mind.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I'd ask you, ladies and gentlemen,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58to welcome the sensational Time Gentlemen, Please Dancers.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:52APPLAUSE
0:26:55 > 0:26:59I rest my case.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04The whole time I was sat there I was just ready for one of them
0:27:04 > 0:27:05to drag me up,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08"Hey, come on, join in".
0:27:08 > 0:27:11And then sell me some local produce.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12LAUGHTER
0:27:12 > 0:27:18I am not going to put folk-dancing into Room 101. Over my dead body.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I'm a bit torn with the other two.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Go on, give it to your mum again.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27You're right.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30You're right, I'll go with my mum and put mornings into Room 101.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31APPLAUSE
0:27:43 > 0:27:46And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Well done, Jamelia, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:27:49 > 0:27:50and you are the winner.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53APPLAUSE
0:27:54 > 0:27:58And as winner, you get to put one choice unchallenged into Room 101.
0:27:58 > 0:27:59What will that be?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02I would like to put in silent letters.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05I don't get the point of them.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08My daughter, she's five, and I'm teaching her spelling,
0:28:08 > 0:28:10and...knee.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14"Mummy, why is there a K? Why is it not ker-nee?"
0:28:14 > 0:28:16It would make life a lot easier for me
0:28:16 > 0:28:20if silent letters would go into Room 101.
0:28:20 > 0:28:21OK.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24It's the sort of thing you find in textspeak,
0:28:24 > 0:28:26- the loss of silent letters.- True.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Anyway, in it goes!
0:28:33 > 0:28:37Thank you very much, Ross, Jamelia and Germaine.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39And thank you. Goodnight!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41APPLAUSE
0:28:49 > 0:28:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd