0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello. I am Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:40the show where three guests will be vying to have their pet hates
0:00:40 > 0:00:46and peeves forever consigned to the dark, desolate wasteland that is Room 101.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories,
0:00:49 > 0:00:53but there's only enough space in the Room for one of them at a time. In other words,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56I have to choose what I think is the worst from every category,
0:00:56 > 0:01:01and I've been practising this, looking at categories and trying to decide what is the worst one.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Let's try one for an example.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16That's too obvious, isn't it? So let's meet the guests.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Joining me tonight are man of a thousand voices,
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Alistair McGowan, from Dragon's Den, Hilary Devey
0:01:21 > 0:01:25and American crooner and heartthrob, Josh Groban.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:36So, would you say that you're negative people?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Do you know, 20 years ago I used to watch One Foot In The Grave
0:01:39 > 0:01:43and watch Victor Meldrew and I used to think, I am never going to be like that.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46And now, every day I'm looking out of my window going,
0:01:46 > 0:01:51"How dare you drop that piece of litter out there, you disgraceful child!"
0:01:53 > 0:01:56OK, anyway, let's begin. Let's have our first category.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05People. We'll start with a nice broad one, shall we?
0:02:05 > 0:02:09So let's find out what kind of people wind up Alistair.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17No!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Children.- What?!
0:02:20 > 0:02:21- Children.- What?!
0:02:26 > 0:02:30I'm sorry, children used to be seen but not heard, and now they're seen,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33they're heard, they're bowed down to, they're pampered,
0:02:33 > 0:02:36they're driven to school, they're driven here,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38they're driven everywhere. And, you know,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41they've just taken all the power. Everybody bows down to them,
0:02:41 > 0:02:45they've become like little gods to their parents.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47And also, on this planet, we've just heard this year
0:02:47 > 0:02:50that we've got seven billion people in our population.
0:02:50 > 0:02:55We can't sustain it and I think there should be a moratoria on children.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59APPLAUSE
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Are you suggesting some sort of cull?
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- I wouldn't put it that...yes.- OK.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12It's just the way that, you know, children,
0:03:12 > 0:03:16they ruin every train journey you're on, there's always a screaming child.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20If you go out to a restaurant, chances are there's screaming children running around.
0:03:20 > 0:03:25You're sitting in your garden in the sun, three doors down there's children killing each other.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29But surely, surely children killing each other is your dream?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- They're only pretending though, Frank.- Oh, I see.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38I don't know, isn't it kind of the parents that's the problem, though, from what you're saying?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41To a point, although when parents have children,
0:03:41 > 0:03:45I'm sure we all have friends who've done this, they say they want to have children,
0:03:45 > 0:03:49they're worried about when to have them. It becomes such a part of the relationship,
0:03:49 > 0:03:53when are they going to have it, have they gone too far? Is it too late?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Then the children come and they spend all their time moaning.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59The children are keeping them awake at night, or they're teething.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Now they're going to school and he's worried about it, now he's being bullied, now he's bullyING.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Now we're worried about his A-levels, he's not working hard, or he's called a swot.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11He's gone to university, he's left us, we miss him.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13And you think, when...
0:04:13 > 0:04:15APPLAUSE
0:04:15 > 0:04:19When is it ever good? I don't see when the good time is.
0:04:19 > 0:04:24But children say the funniest things, Alistair.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27And I tell you what, I for one can't forgive them for that.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32So let's see what kind of people wind Hilary up.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39LAUGHTER
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- I think you need to explain. - Well, it's football fans,
0:04:42 > 0:04:47i.e. scarves hanging out of car windows on motorways,
0:04:47 > 0:04:51because I think it provokes car rage.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55I think it provokes bad driving and I think it provokes violence.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- Violence?- Yes.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Are you anti scarf?
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- No.- You see, I'd say that football is one of the places
0:05:03 > 0:05:05where scarves are truly appreciated.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Yeah, and it's a game, not a religion.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10It's a very fine line, Hilary.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Are you all right with singing? Singing can be quite confrontational.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18I'm OK with singing, I'm just not happy with some of the violence
0:05:18 > 0:05:21that's created by the memorabilia of football.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25You support Arsenal, don't you? Fool.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:30 > 0:05:36No. I support a team called West Bromwich Albion, Hilary.
0:05:36 > 0:05:41- Oh, really?- Do you know anything about football in general?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Other than that there's a ball and a green field.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Well, West Brom are one of the top teams in England.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49They won the European Cup last year.
0:05:49 > 0:05:55- LAUGHTER - I think there's a lot of love and community now in the game.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Do you?- Yeah. There's a very famous folk singer called Martin Carthy,
0:05:59 > 0:06:04and he said to me that football is one of the few places where singing,
0:06:04 > 0:06:09like community singing and folk singing, really still exists.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- Well, what about church?- Yeah, but they never make it up at church.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16There's very few improvised hymns going on in church.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19# Jes-u-us! Jes-u-us! #
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I mean they don't, no, they don't like it.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25# You're supposed to be in Rome You're supposed... #
0:06:28 > 0:06:34Anyway, let's find out what Josh, what kind of people wind Josh up.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I have to say, Josh, I'm really hoping it isn't
0:06:47 > 0:06:51those hairy kids that you get in South America.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- No, it's not the wolf boys, no, it's not them.- Oh, OK.
0:06:54 > 0:06:59I have a real problem with pet owners who dress up and take care
0:06:59 > 0:07:04of their pets as if they're little children or little people.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I think that sometimes it gets a little out of control.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Look, I love animals, I love my dog very, very much,
0:07:10 > 0:07:14but I think there are times when I think it just makes
0:07:14 > 0:07:17the animal really, you know, hate life. And...
0:07:17 > 0:07:22And so that's when I think shame on that person, yeah.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- Really?- I think shame on you.- OK, then.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I've got two little baby Yorkies. You know, if I send them out
0:07:28 > 0:07:31without their polo neck sweaters on in this winter,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34they'd freeze to death, they'd die of pneumonia.
0:07:34 > 0:07:39It's not the sweater in the winter I have a problem with. It's the high-heeled shoes you put on them.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41It's the costumes, it's the...
0:07:41 > 0:07:46You know, I tried to put like a reindeer antler on my dog once
0:07:46 > 0:07:50for Christmas and he like, he had, I had a second and a half
0:07:50 > 0:07:54of picture-taking opportunity and then he just slapped it off his head
0:07:54 > 0:07:56and gave me the stink-eye.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Well, I must say, I'm not really with you on this.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I love, I think animals dressed up is a really funny thing.
0:08:02 > 0:08:08This bulldog looks to me like he absolutely loves being dressed up.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- He's merely a sidekick. I mean, come on. - LAUGHTER
0:08:16 > 0:08:20Now I would say this cat looks less happy.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Can I show you my favourite ever YouTube clip?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31This is, well, I'm not even going to say what it is.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- This is just my favourite YouTube clip.- OK.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I love you.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37"I love you."
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I love you.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- MAKES NOISE - I love you. I love you.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44"I love you."
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Good girl.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50HOWLS
0:08:50 > 0:08:53APPLAUSE
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Finally, a scream of anguish at the end, you know.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I like it when he, when he can't quite do them.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04When she's going "I love you" and it goes "Uhhh-ug".
0:09:04 > 0:09:09We've all had that. You try and say I love you and you can't get it out.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- You can't get it out.- It sticks in the throat.- That's true. - "I lo-o....uh."
0:09:13 > 0:09:17Well, I think the time has come for me to decide
0:09:17 > 0:09:20what's going to go into the Room 101 for this category.
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Hmm, I have to say that my first port of call
0:09:25 > 0:09:29is I can't possibly let dogs treated as humans go in.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- It's one of my favourite things.- It's a joy for you.
0:09:32 > 0:09:37Hilary, no I can't put football fans and all that into Room 101,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I'm sorry about that.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42And I can't believe I'm in a position
0:09:42 > 0:09:47where I'm going to end up giving in to a man who wants to put children into Room 101,
0:09:47 > 0:09:49but Alistair wins this one.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:52 > 0:09:54(Sorry.)
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Anyway, let's move on to the next category.
0:10:09 > 0:10:15Going Out. So, Hilary, let's find out what you hate about going out.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20I'm really hoping it's not Native American communication systems.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Let's see.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31- I want to ban the ban.- You want to ban the smoking ban?- Yes.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Well, you go out, you go to a function on Park Lane,
0:10:33 > 0:10:37the Grosvenor or whatever, and all of a sudden half the room empties,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39and you think where have they all gone?
0:10:39 > 0:10:44And they're all on Park Lane in evening gowns and dickie bows and dinner jackets.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49So I just think we look like a nation of rent boys and call girls.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54Yes. Well, I've had some terrible confusion with that, I must say.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58One thing I really like about the smoking ban,
0:10:58 > 0:11:02it's a great way to judge a pub, because you don't have to go in.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05And it's usually the dodgiest people are the smokers
0:11:05 > 0:11:08and there they are. It's like shops that put their stuff outside,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11you know, you're thinking, no, I'm not going in there.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I'll say one thing on you, I'm allergic to cats
0:11:16 > 0:11:21and if I have ever asked anyone to put the cat outside, cos I'm there,
0:11:21 > 0:11:25they get very, very angry and upset about it and won't do it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29And what I do, I wait till the person's left the room and then I Scotchgard it.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- LAUGHTER - It's so funny, Frank,
0:11:33 > 0:11:38I was married to a guy and he told me after we'd got married,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42and I love animals, I've got dogs in Marrakesh, where I've got a home,
0:11:42 > 0:11:47I've got dogs in Spain, where I've got a home, I've got dogs in the UK where I've got two homes...
0:11:47 > 0:11:51What you've got more than anything, Hilary, is homes.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Yeah, I know.- It's a good job you don't keep pigeons,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56they'd be terribly confused.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07He told me after we got married that he was allergic to animals.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08So what did you do?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Well, we subsequently got divorced.
0:12:12 > 0:12:17- What, on the strength of that? - Well, that and football, yeah.
0:12:19 > 0:12:24Are all your choices based on your ex-husband, by any chance?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28OK, let's see what Alistair doesn't like about going out.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Children.- Children!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35The pint of beer.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Can I say, someone in the crowd actually gasped then.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Did you hear it?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43They were OK with children, but now you've gone too far.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46LAUGHTER
0:12:46 > 0:12:49No, this, you know, it's the ultimate symbol of Britishness.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I'm sure that explains the gasps. It's the ultimate symbol of manhood.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57When you're 16, 17, you have your first pint of beer, you're a man.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00And then you remain a man for the rest of your life by drinking beer.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03And it tastes horrible, it smells horrible,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06it makes people who drink it taste and smell horrible.
0:13:06 > 0:13:11You know, people say they've got to have a pint to have a good time.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14We've all heard those people who come back and say,
0:13:14 > 0:13:18STOKE ACCENT: "Oh, we had a great night last night, went to 15 places
0:13:18 > 0:13:21"and had ten pints. I got legless. Legless.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25"I can't remember a thing about it." You know what Adrian Chiles is like.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29And you think, what sort of a night out is that,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- when you can't remember it? - But if you get rid of beer,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34how are ugly people going to have sex?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Well, I don't know, I used to drink a lot of beer, and then I stopped drinking,
0:13:44 > 0:13:46and one of the difficult things I found
0:13:46 > 0:13:49is I had to start restricting conversation
0:13:49 > 0:13:52to things that I knew something about.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58And I found that very limiting, I must say.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00I remember being in Italy on holiday,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02and seeing these two blokes, you know, maybe 18, 19,
0:14:02 > 0:14:06having ice creams at 11 o'clock at night. Ice creams outdoors,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09and they were going on to have another ice cream somewhere else.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12And you think, I would quite fancy that sort of bar crawl,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15having an ice cream everywhere, but...
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I'd love to go down the ice cream pub, that'd be great.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23- "What's happening tonight?" "It's the yard of vanilla competition." - LAUGHTER
0:14:26 > 0:14:29The drowning your sorrows thing, I remember doing that,
0:14:29 > 0:14:32you split up with your girlfriend, you go to the pub,
0:14:32 > 0:14:37you sit at the end and drink about seven or eight pints on your own, staring into your beer glass.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- And feel a lot better?- Well...
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Wake up the next morning and she's still gone.- She is still gone,
0:14:42 > 0:14:47but imagine being at the end of the bar on your ninth tub of ice cream.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Or, you're in Starbucks,
0:14:55 > 0:14:58and you're drowning your sorrows at the end on espresso
0:14:58 > 0:15:01and someone says, "I hear your girlfriend left you, Frank."
0:15:01 > 0:15:06"Yeah, she did! And, I'm very unhappy about it!"
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Let's find out what Josh doesn't like about going out.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21You don't like Isambard Kingdom Brunel?
0:15:21 > 0:15:22LAUGHTER
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Yeah, I'm a little bit turned off by the whole kind of exclusive
0:15:26 > 0:15:30ten guys in the front with black gloves, bodyguard, bouncer,
0:15:30 > 0:15:31night club experience.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Oh.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I've found it to become annoying for a lot of different reasons.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I don't like how I feel when I'm trying to get in,
0:15:39 > 0:15:41I don't like how I feel when I'm inside.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I think everybody else is having a better time than me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48I'm a terrible dancer, it's just altogether anxiety-inducing for me.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51- I'm a terrible dancer.- Are you?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I think it's good for terrible dancers.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- Really?- Because it's quite dark and crowded in there.
0:15:55 > 0:16:00The top of me dances quite well, the legs are all over the place.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03You should go to foam parties, you can dance as badly as you like
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- and no one knows.- Really? Oh. - You just whip up a lather there.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10You see, I've got to get in first. I always have trouble getting in.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12You see, there is something about my face
0:16:12 > 0:16:15that makes bouncers say, "No, thank you."
0:16:15 > 0:16:18I'll watch, you know, the latest cast-off from Big Brother
0:16:18 > 0:16:22walk in with 20 of his friends, no problem, and I'll show up
0:16:22 > 0:16:25and be like, "Hey, I just played the arena down the street,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28"it's just me, can I come in and sit by the bar and have a drink?
0:16:28 > 0:16:30"A round of drinks for everybody."
0:16:30 > 0:16:33And they say, "You should stop touching me now."
0:16:33 > 0:16:35I'm like, "Oh, OK. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
0:16:35 > 0:16:38It just feels like more pain than it's worth.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Can I ask how old you are, Josh? - I'm 30 years old.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Do you think it's just because you're getting a little old?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47This has happened my entire life. This happened when I had a fake ID.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Yes.- I remember getting to a point
0:16:49 > 0:16:52where I thought, "I am getting too old now for night clubs."
0:16:52 > 0:16:56I found that I'd started to clap along with the music.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02And I thought, no, no, I really have to stop coming.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07There used to be a TV show on in the UK, late night,
0:17:07 > 0:17:08called, The Hitman And Her.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11And it was Pete Waterman. Do you know who that is?
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- He worked a lot with Kylie Minogue. - Yeah, yeah.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17And he used to visit nightclubs, do you remember this show?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18It was all over the country,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21and it wasn't a great advert for nightclubs, I must say.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25We're in Halifax having a belter of a time!
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Hello, I'm Ghostbuster.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I'd like to welcome you to Halifax, to the Coliseum.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42It's a very special nightclub to me, because it's the nightclub that
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I got noticed on The Hitman and Her on the Showing Out competition.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47It's brought me very many happy memories
0:17:47 > 0:17:50and I'm enjoying my dancing. So keep dancing and enjoy it. Thank you.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I've been sitting here thinking where's that club?
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Those are my people.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05OK, so let me see.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Well, I can't put nightclubs in, Josh,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I mean, I know you've had bad times there,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12but so many people have such great, great times there.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Now that you've shown me that nightclub,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I've changed my whole view of them.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I knew that would win you over.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23And, Alistair, although you argued your case very, very well,
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I have such happy memories of beer
0:18:25 > 0:18:30and I still hope that in later life I'll be able to return there.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33And I see it as something to fall back on, and indeed forward.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36But, Hilary, I have to say,
0:18:36 > 0:18:39you argued the smoking ban very well and maybe
0:18:39 > 0:18:44it's about time that we did all just lighten up and light up, indeed.
0:18:44 > 0:18:49So, yes, so I'm going to put the smoking ban in Room 101.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01OK, we come now to that which we call...
0:19:06 > 0:19:09The Wildcard Round, because we don't want to keep
0:19:09 > 0:19:12narrowing your hatred and the things that you don't like.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14We want to give you a completely wide open field.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17You can pick the thing that really gets your goat.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Hilary has chosen this.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28It's Valentine's Day.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Valentine's Day.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31I hate Valentine's Day.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- Really?- Hmm.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Well, we don't even know if there was a Saint Valentine, do we?
0:19:36 > 0:19:40No, but does it matter now? Just, it's a lovely way, isn't it?
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Well, yes, it does, because why should you have to wait for that day
0:19:44 > 0:19:47to receive a card or a bouquet of flowers? Why?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51You don't have to, but I find when you're in a long-term relationship,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53it's good to have, it's like mistletoe,
0:19:53 > 0:19:55at least once a year you want to kind of touch base.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57LAUGHTER
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Otherwise, it can go three, four, five years
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and you realise there's been no contact at all.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05It could have something to do with the fact
0:20:05 > 0:20:08that I've never sent or received a Valentine's card.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12- You have never received... I don't believe that!- Oh no, Hilary.- No.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Well, I see, so it's based
0:20:14 > 0:20:17not so much on dislike as profound bitterness.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19LAUGHTER
0:20:19 > 0:20:22I have this thing if I write a card,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I suppose because I'm a professional comic,
0:20:25 > 0:20:28if I write a card or I sign someone's plaster-cast,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31or I write in a visitor's book,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I always feel incredible pressure
0:20:33 > 0:20:36to write something absolutely brilliant and hilarious,
0:20:36 > 0:20:38and I just can't do it.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And I end up, in a visitor's book I once wrote,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43"I can't think of anything funny."
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I actually wrote that, and signed it "Ricky Gervais."
0:20:46 > 0:20:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Here's a gift, this is one of the most intimate,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59loving gifts, I think you could ever have.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03This is what they call "The Lovers' Toilet."
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Oh no!
0:21:05 > 0:21:06LAUGHTER
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Now, there is a kind of a modesty wall between,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12but the fact that you can sit and chat.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I mean I would like that to be a bit wider in the middle,
0:21:17 > 0:21:19maybe room for a cribbage board.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Let's find out what Alistair has chosen as a wildcard.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33The tattoo.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36When I was a kid growing up in the Vale of Evesham in the 1970s,
0:21:36 > 0:21:40nobody really had tattoos except people who worked on fairgrounds,
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Popeye and this bloke from Redditch that everyone kept away from.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Now, thanks to one man, they've become really fashionable,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51and that man, sadly, is my old mate, David Beckham,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54who had so many tattoos and then everyone said, "Oh, you know,
0:21:54 > 0:21:57"we want to be like David. As we can't play football very well
0:21:57 > 0:22:01"and can't marry a beautiful lady, we'll have tattoos all over us."
0:22:01 > 0:22:04And, I think they're utterly, utterly hideous.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Well, we should have a look at David Beckham, since you've mentioned it.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11You see, I think they are beautiful.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14But Beckham is a beautiful man with a fabulous body.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Why does he need to spoil it by putting all that stuff on it?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Well, is he spoiling or is he enhancing?
0:22:21 > 0:22:24There are practical purposes, I should say, for tattoos.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28One of my favourites, have you seen the mock stockings?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Mockings, I think they call them, where they tattoo,
0:22:31 > 0:22:34I think we have a picture of a lady with tattooed legs.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38No, but doesn't that, I think that looks brilliant.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42I've actually had some swimming trunks tattooed on.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45And I've been to the baths four or five times
0:22:45 > 0:22:47and no one's picked up on it yet.
0:22:48 > 0:22:53I'm going to show you a few tattoos which I think are a defence.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Really classy.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57This is an EastEnders fan,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00and I think this is a really good piece of art.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:23:02 > 0:23:06That's Pam St Clement, but that is a very good likeness, you...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08He just looks like he's been butchered, to me.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Butchered?!
0:23:10 > 0:23:12LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Yeah, that is the forearm of this lady,
0:23:15 > 0:23:19who brilliantly also has a Pam St Clement face.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20LAUGHTER
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- I have a fan who has one of those of me on her arm.- Of you?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Yeah. I saw it backstage at a TV show, she showed, rolled up her arm
0:23:26 > 0:23:30and showed me, like a pencil sketching of my face on her arm.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33All I could think of, because you've got to say something nice,
0:23:33 > 0:23:34because it's permanent,
0:23:34 > 0:23:38all I could think of was, if I decide to stop singing or retire,
0:23:38 > 0:23:41what facial hair could she put on it to make it someone else.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Like a moustache or something.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46But then she made me sign it and she tattooed the signature too.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49And that tattoo is the constant whiplash
0:23:49 > 0:23:52of continuing to have a career, so that her tattoo in America
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- can continue to be relevant.- Right.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57- It's like a modern Dorian Gray. - Yeah, pretty much.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59That's a beautiful motivation.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02If I dated her, I would have to look lovingly into my own eyes.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06It would be terrifying.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08That is my IDEAL woman.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Right, yeah, right.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Let's find out what Josh has chosen as his wildcard.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Ah...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Um, I, er...
0:24:23 > 0:24:24Auto-tune.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Auto-tune!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Yeah.- I get you.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32So, now in case people here don't know what auto-tuning is,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35can you just briefly explain what it is.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38It's kind of an engineering term for when somebody can't sing,
0:24:38 > 0:24:40either live or in the studio, they're able to put
0:24:40 > 0:24:44their voice through a computer and basically with one push of a button,
0:24:44 > 0:24:47it puts all of the notes they were trying to hit out of the speakers,
0:24:47 > 0:24:50and they can essentially sing even if they can't sing.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52And it's cheating, it's cheating.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56I've got good eyesight, I don't see why you should wear glasses.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58LAUGHTER
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I think it's a bit like asking a painter to paint by numbers.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05And it used to be that people knew what auto-tunes sounded like,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08they would hear, you know, T-Pain or they would hear,
0:25:08 > 0:25:13Cher, Cher was trying to sound auto-tune, that's part of the track.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Well, let's listen. This is the first example I'd heard of auto-tune
0:25:16 > 0:25:18when it goes...
0:25:18 > 0:25:24# Do you believe in life after love
0:25:24 > 0:25:28# I can feel something inside me say... #
0:25:28 > 0:25:31I love that, it's a sort of Lady Gargle.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:36I really like it too. When you're doing it on purpose for an effect,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I'm not a prude, I love electronic music
0:25:38 > 0:25:40and when you do it like that it's really cool-sounding.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42It's when people are doing it sneakily,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46when you think they're singing well and they actually aren't.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51Isn't it democracy though, Josh? It's all right for you, God has gifted you with a good voice.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53What about someone like me?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55It doesn't work for classical singing,
0:25:55 > 0:25:56which is probably for my benefit
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- because I've got a big vibrato... - I've heard that!- Yeah!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER
0:26:01 > 0:26:02It's huge.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06And it kind of just sounds too weird when I do it, it kind of...
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- HE WARBLES - It's like that.
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Do you know who Katy Price is?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Yes I do, as a matter of fact, yes.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Yes, she is probably our most beautiful lady.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Formerly...
0:26:16 > 0:26:18LAUGHTER
0:26:18 > 0:26:20- Oh, I meant that. - Didn't she have another name?
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- She did, but we don't mention that any more.- Oh, OK.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- That's when she was a bit common. - Got you!
0:26:26 > 0:26:31And she, she has been accused of using auto-tune, not in that sort of
0:26:31 > 0:26:35electric way, like T-Pain, but just to make her sound like she can sing.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38I'm not saying it's true, but this is a little bit
0:26:38 > 0:26:43- of Katy Price maybe singing, maybe being helped a little bit.- Right.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# I'm not just anybody
0:26:45 > 0:26:49# Cos anybody couldn't love you like this
0:26:49 > 0:26:53# I know that everybody that feels it like me
0:26:53 > 0:26:55# Would love you like this
0:26:55 > 0:26:58OK, now it sounds beautiful, it could be her,
0:26:58 > 0:27:02but there is one bit of this video which
0:27:02 > 0:27:05I don't think it does sound like it is her, see what you think.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09DOG HOWLS
0:27:09 > 0:27:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:18 > 0:27:21OK, well, we've come to the end of that category
0:27:21 > 0:27:23and I was very unsure,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26I thought Valentine's Day was argued very well,
0:27:26 > 0:27:31as was tattoos, but I have to put auto-tune into Room 101.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33All right.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44That brings us to the end of the show
0:27:44 > 0:27:46and although you've all done brilliantly well,
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I must say, Alistair, you were tonight's most persuasive guest
0:27:49 > 0:27:51and thus this week's winner.
0:27:58 > 0:28:02So, as tonight's winner, you get to choose one completely
0:28:02 > 0:28:04unchallenged thing to go into Room 101.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07OK. It is then, these.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12In a world where you can have 10,000 songs on an iPod
0:28:12 > 0:28:15and someone can invent that, why can't they invent some ear phones
0:28:15 > 0:28:18that people can put in so the person who wants to hear the music can
0:28:18 > 0:28:21and those that don't, don't?
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Well, yes.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Well, congratulations, Alistair,
0:28:28 > 0:28:31and of course those little ear phones
0:28:31 > 0:28:32go straight into Room 101.
0:28:36 > 0:28:41Well, thank you very much, Alistair, Josh and Hilary, and goodnight.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd