0:00:22 > 0:00:25APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:33 > 0:00:38Hello. I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:38 > 0:00:43the show where three guests explain what really winds them up,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47in the hope that I'll condemn said things to the grim environs of Room 101.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Our guest choices have been sorted into categories and in
0:00:51 > 0:00:55each round only one item can be chosen, the final decision is mine.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Joining me tonight are Labour Party legend John Prescott,
0:00:58 > 0:01:01comic Micky Flanagan and actress Rebecca Front.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:10So, let's get the ball rolling, let's have our first category.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18It's Film and Television, and let's have a look at Rebecca's choice.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20WHIRRING
0:01:21 > 0:01:23It's audience participation.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Ah.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26AUDIENCE: Boo!
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Oh. Boy, I'm really popular here!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33That's a very fine example, right there.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36When you're in the audience of a show and you're settling down
0:01:36 > 0:01:40and just at that point when they say, I need a volunteer from the audience,
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I'm always that one who
0:01:42 > 0:01:45sinks down into my chair and thinks, "They won't notice me, it'll be fine."
0:01:45 > 0:01:50But, of course, they're like dogs, these audience participation people, they smell fear.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52So the more you sink down into your chair...
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I don't think it's fear, is it, that dogs smell?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59So the more you sit there and try and be invisible, the more likely you are to get picked.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01And it's always me, always me.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- So have you been called up on stage? - Oh, loads of times. Honestly.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09There was a time when Al Murray and I took our respective families
0:02:09 > 0:02:14to a circus, and we both got pulled up on stage, by clowns.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16And it was hideous.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19He was trying to get us to enact some drama in which Al had to
0:02:19 > 0:02:23be a cowboy and had to shoot me and I was some floozy in a feather boa
0:02:23 > 0:02:26and I don't know what it was all about, I didn't understand it.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30And so at a given point he handed Al this pistol and Al sort of went bang,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33and then he looked at me, this clown, and kind of went, "Urgh, urgh!"
0:02:33 > 0:02:35So I thought, OK, I'm meant to die at this point.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39So I fell off the chair into the sawdust, which went all over my nice cardigan.
0:02:39 > 0:02:44- Oh, no.- And at that point... Thank you for your sympathy! - That's all right!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46I noticed my son, who at that stage was about,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49was a toddler, suddenly looking at us thinking,
0:02:49 > 0:02:53we came here to have a nice time and Uncle Al's just shot Mummy.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56You know, it was all wrong, it was a bad idea.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01I like it when the clowns run at you with the bucket of water and it's just glitter. That's great.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02No, it's not.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05The surprise, the fear. Oh, it's just glitter.
0:03:05 > 0:03:06LAUGHTER
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Admittedly, if your house is burning down, they're worse than useless.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Panto would be downright dangerous, without audience participation.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19You'd have no idea if there was anything behind you or not.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24I think that's one of the sorry things in politics,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28that years ago, since I've been around for a few years, heckling
0:03:28 > 0:03:32at conferences, or indeed in audiences like this, was quite common.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And now that's gone, largely because people like myself,
0:03:35 > 0:03:40if somebody makes a comment and heckles, I do my best to kick their head in before anybody else does.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42LAUGHTER
0:03:42 > 0:03:47Well, look, I know you're not a big fan of audience participation, John,
0:03:47 > 0:03:51because we've got a clip that proves exactly that.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53If you put together all of the numbers...
0:03:53 > 0:03:55WOMAN IN CROWD SHOUTS REPEATEDLY
0:03:55 > 0:03:58..and any of the others that come into a coalition deal,
0:03:58 > 0:03:59that only just gets you...
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Can you keep your mouth shut for a moment, love?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:11 > 0:04:13OK, let's have a look at John's choice.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16WHIRRING
0:04:16 > 0:04:17LAUGHTER
0:04:19 > 0:04:20What is it, John?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Well, it's pictures of me on television.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28For example, when I did that, I was at a rally and I was trying
0:04:28 > 0:04:32to bring home to people who were moaning that Gordon Brown is miserable,
0:04:32 > 0:04:35and I said, "I know he's miserable," and I pulled that face.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39The press then decide this is something they want as a story,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42and so they, probably wanting to make me look foolish,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45or the other one is you're looking aggressive and I think they think
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I'm aggressive, so they put that picture across.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50In this case, somebody came up to me a few weeks later
0:04:50 > 0:04:54and said, "Hello," he said, "I'd love to have your autograph."
0:04:54 > 0:04:59And I signed it and he said, "Thanks very much, Les."
0:04:59 > 0:05:00I said, "What do you mean, Les?"
0:05:00 > 0:05:02LAUGHTER
0:05:02 > 0:05:06Les Dawson was on in Blackpool where it was, and they thought it was Les Dawson.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10You love it really, don't you?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I mean the two Jags, how did that thing happen?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Did you just buy two Jags?
0:05:14 > 0:05:18- No, I just had one. - So what happened? Did you park it next to a mirror?
0:05:19 > 0:05:23I had one, it was an old XJS, I've still got it, and the Government
0:05:23 > 0:05:29came along and gave us another car, I became "Two Jags" in the paper, because that's the image they want.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Just think if you'd have had Rolls-Royces, you'd have been known as Two Rolls.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34LAUGHTER
0:05:36 > 0:05:40I think they still call you that in Greggs.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43That's another picture they like.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48If they see you eating, fish and chips or whatever, that's the picture they put across,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51because it feeds that image... as if I'm fat.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53LAUGHTER
0:05:54 > 0:05:56The guy who you hit, did he ever sell his story?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- What happened to him?- Yeah, he got about 20,000 from the Mail.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02That can't be right, can it? Hold on a minute.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06LAUGHTER
0:06:09 > 0:06:11APPLAUSE
0:06:15 > 0:06:17OK, let's have a look at Micky's choice.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18WHIRRING
0:06:20 > 0:06:22What is it, Mick?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Well, it's actually celebrity chefs.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Ah, OK.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31I think they're over-valued, every time I turn on TV there's another one,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34they just keep appearing, they've all got their own little thing.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38Gordon's very angry, aggressive, crazy.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I understand that, he's ended up doing a lady's job.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43LAUGHTER
0:06:43 > 0:06:44GROANS
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I'm joking! I'm joking.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Most women can't cook nowadays.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So, but it's no-one's job.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02But it's basically, it's this overblown idea
0:07:02 > 0:07:06of themselves as being really talented, and it's just cooking.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09All they've done is got organised. They've just got organised
0:07:09 > 0:07:11and they've got more time than everybody else.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16They're just saying, I wasn't really any good at anything, so I'll do a bit of dinner.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Is that all right?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19And you all have to go, "Wow, crazy man,
0:07:19 > 0:07:23"look, he's using Sicilian lemons, wow!"
0:07:23 > 0:07:24LAUGHTER
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Yeah, but I like, I like the idea, I don't cook,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31but I like the idea of eating new things that I've never...
0:07:31 > 0:07:33like when I first heard of mange tout,
0:07:33 > 0:07:34that was the...
0:07:34 > 0:07:35LAUGHTER
0:07:35 > 0:07:40..that was a discovery for me, and much better than the original Mange.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41LAUGHTER
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Whereas when they got to Mange Three, I thought they'd run out of ideas.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I enjoyed Mange The Early Years, that was a good one.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54You know, when I was growing up, cookery on telly was, there was a woman called Fanny Cradock.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Oh, yeah.- Yeah, and she'd come in and she'd say, "Hello.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00"I'm going to cook a pie."
0:08:00 > 0:08:03And my dad would say, "Turn that over, will you?"
0:08:03 > 0:08:04And we'd turn it over.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08LAUGHTER
0:08:09 > 0:08:12And that was it, you know. Have you ever tried it, though?
0:08:12 > 0:08:17Have you ever tried, have you ever had an inspirational moment when you're sitting there watching it,
0:08:17 > 0:08:20you go, that's it, I'm doing this?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I'm doing it for her.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I've tried to make, I've got down the book
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and it said pumpkin risotto.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I thought, she'd like that, I'm making that, for my wife.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34And it said, "Take one medium-sized pumpkin."
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I thought, "I'll give that a miss, then."
0:08:36 > 0:08:38LAUGHTER
0:08:39 > 0:08:42What were you expecting the ingredients to be?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44But who's got a pumpkin?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45No, you're right.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- You know, it wasn't Halloween.- Yeah, it's a seasonal dish, really.- Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56Or am I supposed to be like Jamie? "I'm just going to pop down the market and get a pumpkin.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59"All right, Joe, any pumpkins?" "You all right, Jamie?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01"What sort of pumpkin do you want?"
0:09:01 > 0:09:05"A round one." "Oh, all right, we've got that for you. Catch, Jamie."
0:09:05 > 0:09:07"Cheers, thanks, babe, wey hey!"
0:09:08 > 0:09:09OK, well...
0:09:09 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:12 > 0:09:15So, look, that's the end of that category and...
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I am a big fan of audience participation,
0:09:20 > 0:09:22so I'm loath to put that in.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And, John, I think you probably are slightly victimised
0:09:25 > 0:09:29by the media as to be made to look a bit like the Gruffalo.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32But you love it as well, I think.
0:09:32 > 0:09:37But you're right, I'm sick of watching cookery programmes on the telly,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39so I'm going to put TV chefs into Room 101.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40APPLAUSE
0:09:42 > 0:09:43Look at that.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Job done.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53OK, so let's have our next category.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Modern Life. Let's see what winds up
0:10:01 > 0:10:03John Prescott about modern life.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04WHIRRING
0:10:09 > 0:10:11LAUGHTER
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Hold on, John, you'll love this.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15CREAKING
0:10:15 > 0:10:16LAUGHTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Amazing.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20So what is it, John?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It's goal celebrations.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Well, you sit down and you watch football, I'm a director
0:10:25 > 0:10:29of a rugby team in Hull, and I notice the difference when there's a score.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33When there's a goal in football, they all start running over
0:10:33 > 0:10:37to each other and kissing each other and throwing their hands around.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Years ago, when it was Stanley Matthews and he scored, he just walked away, didn't he, you know?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44And they all played more. Now they get down on their knees,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47pull their shirts out and go wow!
0:10:47 > 0:10:49And wait for the kiss.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I mean, what's that got to do with football?
0:10:52 > 0:10:53AUDIENCE: Get 'em off!
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Footballers are generally much more pansy-ish now than
0:10:59 > 0:11:01they used to be, you know.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03APPLAUSE
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Well, I can't...
0:11:05 > 0:11:08When I was growing up, in the game there was a thing called a fair barge.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Do you remember the fair barge, Frank?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Shoulder to shoulder? - Bosh, get out of the way.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16John's been using it in the chip shop for years.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21No, but I think people always say this about, you know,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24players, they're all millionaires and all that kind of,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27but you know, these are massively skilled professionals
0:11:27 > 0:11:30and I think that those goal celebrations are the closest
0:11:30 > 0:11:33the working classes get to contemporary dance.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38The working classes! The working class don't act like that in football, it's these guys.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Some of them come from that background,
0:11:40 > 0:11:45but in the real top teams, where a lot of goals are going on - I agree that in West Brom
0:11:45 > 0:11:48it doesn't happen very often, so you probably don't get many of these.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50AUDIENCE: Boo!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I understand, I can't actually remember...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I can't remember what goal celebration we do.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58No, that's fair enough.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02You know that thing when players have something written on a T-shirt under the shirt?
0:12:02 > 0:12:07I always worry that players have had one for years and never scored.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09A bloke scored at the Albion about two months ago
0:12:09 > 0:12:11and the T-shirt said "Who shot JR?"
0:12:11 > 0:12:13LAUGHTER
0:12:17 > 0:12:18But the trouble is...
0:12:20 > 0:12:23The best one is when the celebrations go wrong.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26This is a Coventry player, right, and I really love this,
0:12:26 > 0:12:31as a post-goal celebration that doesn't quite make the grade.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35And Robbie Simpson ghosting into the box there and picking out
0:12:35 > 0:12:39the far corner, and that should be that for Coventry City.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:47 > 0:12:49You're supposed to slide, is the idea.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Let's find out what annoys Rebecca about modern life.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54WHIRRING
0:12:57 > 0:12:59It's other people's music.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Ah.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Because when I was growing up, muzak was the thing that everybody hated,
0:13:07 > 0:13:11you know, and people would complain about it all the time, piped music.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Then they invented Walkmans and iPods
0:13:13 > 0:13:16and so you could listen to whatever awful music you wanted to
0:13:16 > 0:13:19listen to and nobody else would be bothered by it.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21And still you have it inflicted on you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24And I think I have a particular problem with this
0:13:24 > 0:13:28because I am terribly kind of British and I'm very bad at speaking my mind.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32So when I get into the back of a taxi and they've got music radio on,
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I find it actually physically impossible to say,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38"I'm so sorry, could you turn the music off?" I just can't do it.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43About halfway through the journey, they'll say, "I'm sorry, is this music bothering you?"
0:13:43 > 0:13:47And by that time I'm so knotted up by having had to listen to power ballads
0:13:47 > 0:13:50for an hour and a half, that I'll just sort of go, "No, it's fine."
0:13:50 > 0:13:52So it's power ballads, that's the...
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- Power ballads, I'm not big on power ballads.- Do you, even this one?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57# Mandy
0:13:57 > 0:14:01# You gave and you gave without taking
0:14:01 > 0:14:04# But I sent you away... #
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- Yeah, even that one. - John, you must have sung that to Peter Mandelson.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09LAUGHTER
0:14:09 > 0:14:13There's that moment on a power ballad where they think,
0:14:13 > 0:14:18to hell with the melody, I'm just going to shout any note I like. Listen, she goes crazy.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20# All by myself... #
0:14:20 > 0:14:23At this moment you think, All By Myself, I quite like this one, it's fine.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28But no, she's not happy with this. She's thinking, no, I'm singing it.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30# All by mySELF!
0:14:30 > 0:14:35# ANY MO-O-O-ORE... #
0:14:35 > 0:14:37THUNDERING DRUMS AS SINGER CONTINUES
0:14:37 > 0:14:38MUSIC STOPS
0:14:38 > 0:14:40APPLAUSE
0:14:42 > 0:14:44What about car horns?
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- Oh, no, that's all right, it's a quick blast, that's a warning. - No, No.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Do you remember the ones you used to get in the '70s?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52CAR HORN PLAYS JAUNTY TUNE
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- Oh, I love that.- Bugattis.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I bet you had one of those, Mick, am I right?
0:14:57 > 0:14:58I dreamed.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02And sometimes you used to get the cheap, the sort of home-made ones.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Here is an example.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07CAR HORN PLAYS DISTORTED TUNE
0:15:07 > 0:15:09That sounds like a front-door bell.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11There is actually an explanation for that one.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14SAME DISTORTED CLIP PLAYS
0:15:14 > 0:15:17LAUGHTER
0:15:17 > 0:15:18APPLAUSE
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Let's see what Micky doesn't like about modern life.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26WHIRRING
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Americanisms.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:15:32 > 0:15:33APPLAUSE
0:15:35 > 0:15:37You can put it back down now, Frank.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39LAUGHTER
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Don't get me wrong, I like America, I've been there many times,
0:15:43 > 0:15:48but when I go there I'm doing my best to communicate with the people.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51If I want chips, I'll say, "Can I have some fries?", you know.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54If I want crisps, I'll say, "Can I have some chips?"
0:15:54 > 0:15:56You know, I'll accommodate.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Yeah.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00So when they come here, you've got to join in.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I don't like the way we're sort of cheapening the British language
0:16:03 > 0:16:06by continually slowly Americanising it.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11I was in a restaurant the other day and the toilets were the rest rooms.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Are you resting in there, are you?
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Excuse me, how much longer will you be resting?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23"It's quite a big rest I've got to get out here, mate!"
0:16:23 > 0:16:25LAUGHTER
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Some of the Americanisms are brilliant.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34You know when you get extras in TV, like those people that play darts in the Rovers Return?
0:16:34 > 0:16:38We call them extras. In America they call them "atmosphere".
0:16:38 > 0:16:39LAUGHTER
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I love that.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Where's the atmosphere? Come on!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48A friend of mine - this creeps into everyday language - a friend of mine
0:16:48 > 0:16:52phoned me up the other day and we were going for a curry and a couple of pints,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55and I said, "What time do you think you'll get there?"
0:16:55 > 0:16:58He said, "Oh, I'll probably rock up at about half eight."
0:16:59 > 0:17:00I said "Rock up?"
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I said, "You're 52...
0:17:03 > 0:17:05LAUGHTER
0:17:05 > 0:17:07"..you've got an hearing aid,
0:17:07 > 0:17:11"and last week you put your back out wringing out a flannel.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14"You're not rocking up anywhere, mate.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17"You'll get there about half eight."
0:17:17 > 0:17:20You know, it's this constant dressing-up
0:17:20 > 0:17:25and trying to make things more exciting by using American language, this just drives me up the wall.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Yeah, whatever.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:30APPLAUSE
0:17:34 > 0:17:41Well, they're all beautifully argued and I like Americanisms,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44because I like the way that language moves and grows.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47And I think celebrations of any kind in recession-hit Britain
0:17:47 > 0:17:49are a thing to be happy about.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52But I must admit, as bigoted as it may be, I do hate
0:17:52 > 0:17:54other people's music,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57so I'm going to put other people's music into Room 101.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00APPLAUSE
0:18:02 > 0:18:04OK, next category, please.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Ah, it's the wildcard round. This time there's no restraints.
0:18:12 > 0:18:18We're not asking you to work within a category, just pick anything you don't like, it's as simple as that.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20So what is Rebecca Front's wildcard?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22WHIRRING
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Beautiful.
0:18:27 > 0:18:28Air fresheners.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Really?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32There are few smells in the world that can't be made worse
0:18:32 > 0:18:37by trying to cover them up with an air freshener, in my view.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38And we all know, you know,
0:18:38 > 0:18:42there are some unpleasant stenches around, but, as an example,
0:18:42 > 0:18:46many years ago, when my daughter was a toddler,
0:18:46 > 0:18:51we'd just hit the motorway on the way to, you know, a long three-hour drive, and she was sick.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54So we pulled into the first service station that we found
0:18:54 > 0:18:57and we took the car-seat out and we scrubbed it clean.
0:18:57 > 0:19:03I'm saying "we", I mean my husband, and then we bought an air freshener, because that's sort of what you do.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06We didn't know what else to do, so we got an air freshener, and
0:19:06 > 0:19:10the whole way there for three hours, the car stank of vomit and apple.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12LAUGHTER
0:19:12 > 0:19:15It was absolutely vile and it really,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17it kind of clings to the back of your throat.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20It's a horrible chemically generated smell.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Whenever you go to someone else's house,
0:19:22 > 0:19:24and if I go into the toilet in someone else's house
0:19:24 > 0:19:28and there's air freshener, I always think, is this always here?
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Or is this, "Oh, Frank's coming round, we'd better get some air freshener."
0:19:34 > 0:19:35LAUGHTER
0:19:36 > 0:19:38But this is, without doubt,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41the worst-smelling air freshener I have ever smelt.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43This is macaroni cheese.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Can you just pass that on, because if anyone likes that,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I will be stunned. Just try that.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Oh! That's absolutely disgusting.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Is that one of the worst things that... Oh, John!
0:19:59 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:01 > 0:20:06I don't know how much you're doing to break down your stereotypical image tonight, John.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13These are weird things, these are rose-scented moustaches.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:18And the idea is that you stick them on your side window,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22I think is the normal place to put it, and I think the idea is,
0:20:22 > 0:20:26if you're involved in road rage, they don't spot you afterwards.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29So, if you're going...
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Let's imagine I'm out driving
0:20:31 > 0:20:35and somebody cuts me up, I'm driving, someone cuts me up, right,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37so what I do is, I get the air freshener.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42So you put that, you put the air freshener on the window and go...
0:20:42 > 0:20:43HE MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:20:43 > 0:20:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Who would have thought of moustache air fresheners?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57It doesn't make any sense at all.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59OK, let's have a look at John's choice.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00WHIRRING
0:21:03 > 0:21:06It's the old school tie.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10This tie, it communicates to people in our society, doesn't it,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12which school you went to.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15You can have an ordinary tie, but for the people who use it
0:21:15 > 0:21:18to identify that they're of higher status than you
0:21:18 > 0:21:21because I went to a certain school, or a certain university.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23And it's the tie that indicates that.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28But we go much further. I was filming for the BBC on class and I went to Henley, the boating weekend,
0:21:28 > 0:21:31to watch it, and observe it, and when you
0:21:31 > 0:21:34see guys about 65, 70, going around with a Just William hat on
0:21:34 > 0:21:38of a certain colour, a blazer with God knows how many different colours in it,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41but the indication is the school you went to.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42The class you belong to.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46And in Britain, probably more than anywhere else, we do that.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49And this is a symbol of that. I hate it.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51OK, well, I suppose I've always,
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I mean, I come from a working-class background, John, and I've always been
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I suppose in a way slightly envious of the old public school education.
0:21:58 > 0:22:02You know what I mean? I'd like to have had a go at Quidditch.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04LAUGHTER
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'll never know if I could have been good at that.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12No, I suppose my point is, John, that it's very tempting, isn't it,
0:22:12 > 0:22:15if you're from a working-class background to just hate the posh.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17And I like to think, you know,
0:22:17 > 0:22:20to try and find if they, you know, if there's something
0:22:20 > 0:22:24lovable about them, not to just be dismissive, not to...
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Well, just to take a serious point, 7% of our kids go to independent schools.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32They take 60% of all the top jobs, that's because you've got the right tie.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Now that's not right, is it?
0:22:34 > 0:22:38OK, well, I think, rather than despising the posh,
0:22:38 > 0:22:40we should see them as figures of ridicule and fun.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42LAUGHTER
0:22:42 > 0:22:44You do need a way, though, Frank,
0:22:44 > 0:22:46to pick out your old school friends, don't you?
0:22:46 > 0:22:49If I'm at a party and I look around and I see people in overalls and
0:22:49 > 0:22:53prison uniforms, I think they might have gone to my school, you know.
0:22:53 > 0:22:58On the subject of ties, by the way, this is a tie,
0:22:58 > 0:23:01this is commercially available, this tie.
0:23:01 > 0:23:07It has an inflatable section on the end and the idea is that if you're
0:23:07 > 0:23:11on a journey and you get a bit tired, you can use it as a pillow.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Something fabulously practical about that.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21OK, let's have a look at Micky Flanagan's wildcard.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22WHIRRING
0:23:25 > 0:23:27The countryside.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28LAUGHTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:34I hate the countryside.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37It's just, what do you do there?
0:23:39 > 0:23:40People waffle on about it,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43"Oh, you should spend some time in the countryside."
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Why? What, to walk about?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48I don't feel like murdering anything.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50You know, and the people there,
0:23:50 > 0:23:53they're always waffling on about traditions
0:23:53 > 0:23:56and how the city people don't understand their way of life.
0:23:56 > 0:24:00"Oh, you don't understand the land." Oh, don't I?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Oh, you plant things, things grow,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05you cut them down and then we eat 'em.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Oh, I think I might have cracked it, hold on a minute.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09LAUGHTER
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You know, and it's just, and it stinks and all.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17OK. Well, look, the best way of deciding this country dispute,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20because I think there's something special and different and mystical
0:24:20 > 0:24:24about the country, I thought we'd have some representatives
0:24:24 > 0:24:29of the country and you can compete with them at what they do best.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34I'd like to bring on Joe and Ben, who are two members of the Shin Kicking Association.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Please welcome Joe and Ben.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40APPLAUSE
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Hi, guys, you are shin kickers?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Yes.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54And I believe, Joe, you're the world champion shin kicker?
0:24:54 > 0:24:55- That's right, yes.- That's...
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Are you on shin kicker's list?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I might be, yes.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00LAUGHTER
0:25:01 > 0:25:05So could you, could you give us
0:25:05 > 0:25:07a quick demonstration on how does shin kicking work?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- OK.- Right.- Right.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13The idea is to get your opponent to the ground.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- OK.- By kicking his shins away, as hard as you can.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- OK.- Do your worst.- Ow!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22So you kick from side to side. And to the front.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24And Ben can have a go as well if he wants.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25I'm all right.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:35You have a bit, you have... I hate to stop you,
0:25:35 > 0:25:39but you have a bit of straw down there, don't you, so...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41We have a bit of protection these days, yeah.
0:25:41 > 0:25:46Yeah, so, Micky, we've prepared you some, some straw shin pads.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48So if you'd like to slip...
0:25:48 > 0:25:51BROAD ACCENT: "Arh, let me put them on."
0:25:51 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:52 > 0:25:55You're just winding them up, you know that, don't you?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- There you go. - "Good you on, Frank."
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Are you sure about this approach, Mick?
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Someone get in touch with Injury Lawyers For You a bit later on.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11I'm going to get bundles out of this. I'll show you boys how to operate.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18I have been to the countryside, I really helped your economy out once.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Oh, no, look...
0:26:20 > 0:26:22No, I did, I bought a cream tea for £17.50.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- So right, OK. - Grip the shoulders like that.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36You have a free few hits so you get used to it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39- Then you're going to kick me up in the air.- Well, if you want to.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Oh, come on, do it properly, man.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Now see, I don't think that's right!
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Come on!
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- Want me to show you how to do it properly?- Please.- Right.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Ow!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- Then with the left.- It's all right, yeah, he's proved his point.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Well, what about a big hand for Joe and Ben?
0:27:09 > 0:27:10CHEERING
0:27:16 > 0:27:20So, Micky, I can't, I'm not going to let the countryside in,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23because I think it is a mystical and wondrous place.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27And I must admit, Rebecca, I am against air fresheners,
0:27:27 > 0:27:29but I don't think it would be quite fair to say that I'm
0:27:29 > 0:27:33more against them than I am against social inequality.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34LAUGHTER
0:27:35 > 0:27:38So I'm going to put the old school ties into Room 101.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39APPLAUSE
0:27:47 > 0:27:50OK, that brings us to the end of the show.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Well done, John, you were the most persuasive guest, so you are this week's winner.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:01 > 0:28:03And, as you've won,
0:28:03 > 0:28:07you get to put one choice completely unchallenged into Room 101.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08So what will that be?
0:28:08 > 0:28:11End the title "Lord",
0:28:11 > 0:28:14chuck it into 101 and let's be finished with it and just be
0:28:14 > 0:28:17called "Mr," along with the other names you might get as well.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- So you'll never be called Lord again?- No, get rid of it.- OK.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23- Are you still all right with Gruffalo?- Gruffalo...
0:28:23 > 0:28:24LAUGHTER
0:28:24 > 0:28:27OK, Lord goes straight into Room 101.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28APPLAUSE
0:28:31 > 0:28:34So, thank you very much, Micky Flanagan, John Prescott and Rebecca Front,
0:28:34 > 0:28:36and thank you, goodnight.
0:28:52 > 0:28:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd