0:00:22 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Hello. I'm Frank Skinner. Welcome to Room 101,
0:00:39 > 0:00:44the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates exiled forever
0:00:44 > 0:00:47to the dark vault that is Room 101.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Joining me tonight are TV Dragon Deborah Meaden,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53pop star Paloma Faith and comedian Jason Manford.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06OK, let's kick off. Shall we have our first category, please?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13Shopping. OK.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16So what doesn't Deborah like about shopping?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Cue.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27This is people who don't get their money out or ready until the...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29AUDIENCE APPROVAL
0:01:32 > 0:01:36..until the cashier actually says, "That's £50, please",
0:01:36 > 0:01:39and they look really surprised. "Oh? I've got to pay?"
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Having watched all of their goods come through.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45It's all right for you, Deborah. You keep all your money in a big pile on the table!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51What if they have to rush through to pack
0:01:51 > 0:01:54so then they don't have time to get their wallet. That always happens to me.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Ah, well, I'm usually ahead of the cashier.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02- I'm like that.- And I'm that person...- Of course you are!
0:02:02 > 0:02:04I am that person who...
0:02:04 > 0:02:08I imagine you're a person who's an impatient person who has things to do.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- Is that fair to say?- I don't know if I'm impatient, but I'm...
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- No, you don't sound at all impatient(!)- Not at all, no.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I'm very relaxed about things.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18No, but I am prepared
0:02:18 > 0:02:24and it's not a surprise that if you've bought a lot of goods that they're going to ask for your money.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29But their money's in their bag. It's easy for you, cos you've got more of it!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32It's easy for you to find.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Some people are trying to... "Oh, I can't find my money cos I'm on minimum wage."
0:02:35 > 0:02:41- Oh!- So...- Don't go for the sympathy vote. He's really competitive.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- I'm just saying... - Do not go for the sympathy vote!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44No, I think it's a good point...
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Jason is not on minimum wage, you do know that?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Too right!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Don't let that shirt fool you, Deborah!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I'm like you. I'm ahead of the game.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03I get to a point where I'm annoyed, when I put my card in the chip and pin machine,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07if they tell me, "Just put your number in there."
0:03:07 > 0:03:09"I know how it works! I've had this for..." "Put your number in."
0:03:09 > 0:03:11"I know! I know what to do!"
0:03:11 > 0:03:14"You can take it out now." "I know! It says, 'Take it out'!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17"I wasn't gonna leave it here, was I?"
0:03:17 > 0:03:19I think they're both a bit up-tight.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30I wonder if they're thinking, "That's Deborah Meaden in the queue behind us.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33"If we take ages to get the money, she might say, "Oh, I'll pay."
0:03:36 > 0:03:38The cashier helps, doesn't he, sometimes.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40He's like, "Want any help with your packing?"
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And you always say no. You go, "I'm all right, really."
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Even though there's loads of it. You go, "I'm all right."
0:03:45 > 0:03:48And they look at you like you've insulted their skills.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52They look at you like, "OK. Let's see how we manage it triple speed."
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03OK. What is Paloma's shopping hate?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:04:12 > 0:04:14All go the crowd!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Ugg boots.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20This is an actual item of shopping.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Ugg stands for ugly!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Everyone seems to like them
0:04:26 > 0:04:30and their justification for it is, "But they're comfortable."
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Well, look at me.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36That does not factor in my system.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41That is not good enough in my book.
0:04:41 > 0:04:46I actually have a rule that if anybody turns up to work for me in these,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49they immediately will get fired.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Wow!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54And how many industrial tribunals have you been taken to?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01They make people walk in a lazy way.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Like, if you lazily wear Ugg boots,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07you might become lazy in every other area of your life.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I get your point!
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- I daren't say it!- She's got some, I know!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I wear them all the time. When I'm not wearing these,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I wear those. And you're gonna hate... You're gonna hate this,
0:05:20 > 0:05:21crocs.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Oh, they were the other ones!
0:05:25 > 0:05:30Hold on. You said that these make people walk lazy
0:05:30 > 0:05:33and then they become lazy in everyday life.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- That's what you're saying.- Yeah... Well, she's the proof.- Deborah. - I get it.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39How many businesses do you run?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- 19 at the moment.- 19 businesses.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Aside from that...- Apart from...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45They're just ugly.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Aside from actual proof!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51OK, maybe that's wrong. Maybe that's a sweeping statement.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54But, yeah, I'm happy to admit that that might be wrong.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Let's see what's in my one, then! - My main point...
0:05:59 > 0:06:03I just think that they're really unattractive and ugly and horrible.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Have you actually worn a pair?
0:06:04 > 0:06:10- I would never.- I feel, like you say, you can't judge a man till you've walked in his shoes.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- True.- Shall I try them on? - It's only fair.- Yeah, try 'em on!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Please, whoever's at home, do not freeze-frame this
0:06:16 > 0:06:19and put it in some silly gossip column!
0:06:19 > 0:06:22I hate it already.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I hate it!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:26 > 0:06:27WOLF WHISTLE
0:06:27 > 0:06:29You look great!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Can you take them off? I don't like them.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I think they look quite sexy.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I find them horrible and repulsive and they're too hot.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43We've got a picture of Raquel Welch looking great in Uggs.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47That's what I look like at home!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Let's talk about comfort. I think this could change your mind.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02The new invention is this, right?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05It's called a pillow hat.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13There you go.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Can you still hear me?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Now this is... When I was a drinking man,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23this would have been really handy.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Cos when I used to go to the urinal in the 1980s,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I used to stand like this!
0:07:28 > 0:07:31LAUGHTER
0:07:39 > 0:07:43- I love it.- I get the same feeling about that as I do about Ugg boots.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Yeah. You look like a dead Teletubby!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's fine!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01OK. What doesn't Jason like about shopping?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08It's this shop
0:08:08 > 0:08:11on the high street, called Lush.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Ah, yes.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13CHEERING
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Even if you don't want hand-made soap,
0:08:22 > 0:08:24and you don't want any involvement in the shop,
0:08:24 > 0:08:29the smell from the shop spills out onto the street.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31And not in a good way, like Greggs!
0:08:34 > 0:08:38And, I tell you, it's like you've been punched in the nose
0:08:38 > 0:08:40by a mango or something. I don't know what...
0:08:41 > 0:08:43All the soaps are like "Fun Green",
0:08:43 > 0:08:46"Fun Pink" and "Mango and Lime".
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I just want to wash my bits, I don't need one of my five a day!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I mean, not in the shop, don't get me wrong.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I just find it odd. I suppose as a bloke,
0:08:58 > 0:09:03I just grab some soap or some shower gel or whatever, and wash in it.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06I don't really focus on the types
0:09:06 > 0:09:08and I don't need it to smell a certain way.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13I don't even... I made the mistake - have you used that mint and tea tree shower gel?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Have you used that?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17No. I usually... I'm a soap man.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- That's the one that makes you go all...- It's the coldest thing you've ever put on your body in your life.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25Up here, it's all right. Down there, it's like a polar bear's having a lick.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Freezing. Freezing.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Well, I'm a big soap fan, I must say.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I had apple and laburnum, I was using recently.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- What?!- Yeah.- I only know what half of that is!
0:09:40 > 0:09:44I actually got a scratch on my back
0:09:44 > 0:09:47from a bit of branch that was in the soap.
0:09:47 > 0:09:52- You liked that? That was...- That's what I told my girlfriend, anyway.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I think that's it for shopping, isn't it?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Well, I like fancy soaps, so I'm drawn to this place.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02And I think women certainly look great in Uggs.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I thought you looked great in Uggs when you put them on.
0:10:05 > 0:10:11So I'm afraid I do get annoyed by people that don't have their change ready
0:10:11 > 0:10:15so I am going to put people who don't have their change ready at the till into Room 101.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43What kind of people wind up Paloma?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50This is quite clever, this prop.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Jobsworths.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55It's a mathematical sign for "more than".
0:10:55 > 0:10:58It's more than my job's worth.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01AUDIENCE: Ooh-hoo!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04The thing that irritates me really
0:11:04 > 0:11:08is people who are doing their job
0:11:08 > 0:11:10and they take their power too seriously.
0:11:10 > 0:11:15And there's no like consideration for the fact that you're a human being.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18The kind of jobsworths I'm talking about are like,
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Immigration, when you aren't part of that country.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25And they're really enjoying saying, "Stand behind the yellow line."
0:11:25 > 0:11:28And your foot's an inch over it
0:11:28 > 0:11:30and they're like, "Please stand behind the line, ma'am."
0:11:30 > 0:11:34And I'm just like...
0:11:34 > 0:11:37And, um, traffic wardens.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39They love to do that.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42"You have to move on." It's all like, "Sorry, but it's my job."
0:11:42 > 0:11:44And that's what they say.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47But why are you parked there? Do you know what I mean?
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I had a jobsworth. A barman, or landlord, where I went into the pub
0:11:53 > 0:11:55just to use the toilet.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I just needed a loo, I didn't need a drink.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59I just thought I'd just use the loo.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02And he said, "The toilets are for customers only."
0:12:02 > 0:12:06And I said, "Well, I have been a customer here, once.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09"And I didn't use the loo.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11"So..."
0:12:13 > 0:12:17I've had experiences with traffic wardens in particular,
0:12:17 > 0:12:21where you've realised that they're being really unhelpful
0:12:21 > 0:12:23and then suddenly you just go to him,
0:12:23 > 0:12:26"Mate, if I give you 20 quid",
0:12:26 > 0:12:28and they go, "All right."
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Wow, where's this?
0:12:31 > 0:12:37- So you know they were just being belligerent on purpose.- I'm so glad you said that on TV, Paloma(!)
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Yes, and of course there is bribery.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45That is one way around it.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I think it's a Ying and Yang thing.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49These people, if there weren't people like that
0:12:49 > 0:12:52who are following rules and are very stiff and unbending,
0:12:52 > 0:12:57then people like you with your wacky, colourful, anarchic sense
0:12:57 > 0:13:00wouldn't exist. You need Ying and Yang. You need the balance.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05But do you think it's harmful for somebody's foot to be an inch over the yellow line?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Rules is rules.- It can be an inch one day...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Oh, God, I bet you're a Tory voter!
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Guess who's not gonna win this round?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31OK. What sort of people wind up Jason?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45People in lifts.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48They just wind me up. I don't know what it is.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53I spend a lot of time in hotels and find myself in lifts quite a lot.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56It's the only time you say good night to a stranger, for some reason.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You get out of a lift. "Good night." "Why have I done that? It's weird."
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Then you get the bloke on the ground floor who goes,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05he gets nearest the buttons and he goes, "What floor?"
0:14:05 > 0:14:07And you go, "You're not in charge of the lift. Why have you...
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- "You've got no more... You've got no more..."- He's trying to be helpful.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14"You've got no more right to those buttons than I have."
0:14:15 > 0:14:18You'd be a miserable contestant on Countdown!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21"I'll move my own numbers, thank you very much!"
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I just don't like the presumption. I don't like it.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29The ones that get me, when you're waiting to cross the road and you're at a pelican crossing.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32And you've been there for ages and someone comes and presses the button,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35even though it's got "Wait" lit up
0:14:35 > 0:14:38and you've clicked, like you're too stupid and you would have stood there
0:14:38 > 0:14:41and not pressed the button! How insulting! And worst of all,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43is when you haven't pressed the button!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49I didn't realise how dangerous lifts could be.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54This is a safety instructions diagram
0:14:54 > 0:14:58warning people about - and it's a genuine thing -
0:14:58 > 0:15:01for taking a wheelie bin into a lift.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Could that really happen?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14That's brilliant.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16That is brilliant.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Anyway, what is Deborah's "People" choice?
0:15:25 > 0:15:29It's people who say, "With all due respect".
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Because what that actually means is, "Brace yourself,
0:15:32 > 0:15:34"cos I've got your 'Get out of jail free' card
0:15:34 > 0:15:37"and whatever I say next, you're not gonna like it
0:15:37 > 0:15:39"and I have no respect for you whatsoever."
0:15:39 > 0:15:40- That is true.- Hmm.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45They never quantify how much respect you are actually due.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47No, but you know it's none!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49You know underneath that, it's none.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52The other phrase that gets me is people who say, again, a phrase that means nothing,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54"I just live each day as it comes."
0:15:54 > 0:15:56But like we all do! That's the whole thing!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59That's the only option, isn't it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02"Oh, no, not me. I like to save seven or eight days up and then use them all at once!"
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I'm amazed, Deborah, that anyone would dare say this to you.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Cos aren't you usually the boss in these situations?
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Actually, I've had someone say it in the Den, just the once, very early on.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And actually somebody said - it was a really smooth pitch -
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and it was this really confident guy,
0:16:22 > 0:16:25and I remember just asking him a question,
0:16:25 > 0:16:28proffering it in a way that I kind of, "Doesn't that happen?"
0:16:28 > 0:16:30and it was, "With all due respect..."
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- and you could just feel the tension. - Oh!- Exactly.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36That's what happened! Five Dragons all went... Like that.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39So he didn't get an investment. And nobody's done it again.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I used to do that thing where... Well, I say a thing.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I might be the only person who ever did it!
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Where I'd be ringing up, you know, one of the power companies or something,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52complaining about money or whatever.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54And at the end of the conversation, I'd be really angry and say,
0:16:54 > 0:16:58"I want the money back in my account now! Right. OK. Love you. Bye."
0:16:58 > 0:17:00"Oh, no!"
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I'd just told Norweb I love them!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09OK. That brings us to the end of that round.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I am not gonna put in "people in lifts",
0:17:13 > 0:17:17because I think they're trying to be nice to you,
0:17:17 > 0:17:20they're trying to press the buttons to help you out.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I think you're the bad guy in this story!
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- And Deborah, with all due respect... - Oh, no!
0:17:28 > 0:17:29I think you're being a bit touchy
0:17:29 > 0:17:33about people who feel they need to tell you something but are a bit frightened.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37- Really?- However, I do agree there are some people who have no flexibility
0:17:37 > 0:17:39and they can really make life miserable.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42So I am going to put "Jobsworths" into Room 101.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00OK, next category, please!
0:18:06 > 0:18:10It's the Wildcard category, which means there are no restraints, no categories.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14You can just choose anything at all that you don't like.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16So, what is Jason's wildcard?
0:18:23 > 0:18:27It is little cars that hide behind big cars.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:35 > 0:18:37"Oh, look!
0:18:37 > 0:18:39"We've got a space! We've got a space!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- "Oh, you little..." - LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
0:18:44 > 0:18:46It winds me up.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49There's no reason not to park here, and then we'd know.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54I've had to make a decision now. Get here. Oh, great(!)
0:18:54 > 0:18:58It's even worse when you're the passenger and you go, "I've seen one. I've seen one."
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Then you just like an idiot to the rest of the car.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Like you can't see a car.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09I think most of those little cars are best for the environment.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13- Right.- So actually I think it's the big cars that are the problem.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Really?- If more people had little cars,
0:19:15 > 0:19:19everyone would see each other and the environment would be a better place.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28I find parking difficult at the best of times.
0:19:28 > 0:19:34- Hmm.- I failed my driving test six times. So...
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Oh, yeah, laugh. I cried myself to sleep!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42I remember one of them was parallel parking.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45He said, "Can you put your car between that red car and that blue car?"
0:19:45 > 0:19:47And I said no.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51I don't live there. I mean, why do they do that? "Park it there."
0:19:51 > 0:19:55"I'll tell you what. Let's find a proper space and we'll walk back, if you're bothered."
0:19:55 > 0:19:57That's what I do in real life!
0:19:57 > 0:20:02Yeah. Though I do that thing, if I park, and then walk to the place I'm going,
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- and I see another space, I always say, "I could have parked there." - That is annoying.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13In a car park, why don't they have a system
0:20:13 > 0:20:16where, when you go into the car park, you're given a number
0:20:16 > 0:20:18like at a deli counter
0:20:18 > 0:20:21and that is the number of your parking bay
0:20:21 > 0:20:24and you just drive straight there and park.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27That's genius. Hang on.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Deborah, you should get on this.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32Actually, I was sitting there thinking, "That seems like a very good idea."
0:20:32 > 0:20:35- It's a brilliant idea.- You just said it on national TV now.
0:20:35 > 0:20:40Then as you leave, you'd clock out so they'd know that bay was now empty.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44That is a very good idea. Mind, you'd have to know where the bay is.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47You'd have to kind of know your car park.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48It would be in numerical order.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52That's a good idea. That is brilliant.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Gosh, he's good!- I didn't tell you about that particular detail!
0:20:58 > 0:21:03Now this is the best piece of parking I think I've ever seen.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12MAN: Nice parking!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Brilliant.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Anyway, what is Deborah's wildcard?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28It is smart casual.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Smart...casual.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34How does that work? What does that mean on invitations?
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Is it smart...
0:21:36 > 0:21:38or is it casual?
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Smart-casual.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43But it's easier for men than for women.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Cos it changes according to the group of friends.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50Some groups of friends, if you say smart casual, I turn up in jeans with something sparkly on top.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52And she's wearing top-to-toe sequins.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56- So it changes all the time. - If you're friends with Shirley Bassey, that's going to happen.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59I got invited to a wedding a little while ago.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02It said, "Dress code - fabulous."
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- I mean, what's that?- What did you wear? Please, tell me what you wore.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I just didn't go. That was that.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Cos I don't know what that is.
0:22:12 > 0:22:17Tonight, I am wearing what I think is probably the ultimate smart casual.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19They're called cord-arounds.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I'm going to show you these.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24These are corduroy trousers
0:22:24 > 0:22:27but the cord, instead of going straight down...
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Goes around!- ..is horizontal.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Ooh, look at that!- Can you see that?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34This is the genuine blurb from the company.
0:22:34 > 0:22:39"Don't you hate it when vertical cord friction heats your crotch
0:22:39 > 0:22:44"to uncomfortable, even dangerous levels?"
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Wait for it!
0:22:46 > 0:22:48"Cord-arounds mesh evenly,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52"lowering the crotch heat index by 22 per cent."
0:22:53 > 0:22:55"Crotch heat index"! That's amazing!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Crotch heat index!
0:23:02 > 0:23:06OK, then. What is Paloma's wildcard?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14This is the book Fifty Shades of Grey.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Yes, Fifty Shades of Grey, written by E.L.James.
0:23:18 > 0:23:23My beef with it is, there are a few levels to it,
0:23:23 > 0:23:28then I'm gonna read out quotes to back up my argument.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31I hope you've selected these carefully!
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Basically, first of all, it's as if feminism never existed.
0:23:36 > 0:23:42The second thing is, it's written with the worst English imaginable.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46And then the third thing, it's got text messages in it
0:23:46 > 0:23:49that are just written in abbreviations.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52"R u OK, Ana?"
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Then he says - she doesn't reply -
0:23:55 > 0:23:59"Where r u Ana?"
0:23:59 > 0:24:02She doesn't reply.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03"Dammit, Ana!"
0:24:03 > 0:24:07I'm not stimulated by this.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- There are...- I think my crotch heat index just went up!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- Woo!- There are some bits where she says,
0:24:19 > 0:24:23these are the non-feminist bits where he says,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25"Miss Steele, you're not just a pretty face.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30"You've had six..." I'll doctor it for the sake of the fact this is 8.30.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33"Six BEEP so far,
0:24:33 > 0:24:35"and all of them belonged to me."
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Like, what a BEEP-hole!
0:24:38 > 0:24:42"Because actually, no, they were mine, thanks."
0:24:51 > 0:24:55I've underlined so many bits. I could teach a course on how rubbish this is.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I think you should do the audio book!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05God, what if you'd blinded Deborah then?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11People are reading this!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14I've just had an image of Deborah Meaden in hospital, saying,
0:25:14 > 0:25:18"I'm blind!" And they say, "What was it?" And you say, "It was Fifty Shades of Grey."
0:25:21 > 0:25:25There is this argument now that it's wakened things in some people that...
0:25:25 > 0:25:28I think there are loads of other books that could have done that
0:25:28 > 0:25:34without making people feel like they have to get back to 1940s values.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38But also, at the same time, what if, just in this instance...
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Read some of it. Go on, read some.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I mean, that's impossible, that.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53From a feminist point of view, it's on thin ice.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Because this woman, Anastasia Steele,
0:25:55 > 0:25:59she meets this bloke Christian Grey and she basically signs a contract
0:25:59 > 0:26:02in which she gives him control of her life.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Let me read this. This is the first paragraph of the contract.
0:26:05 > 0:26:11"The submissive" - that's her - "The submissive will obey any instructions
0:26:11 > 0:26:13"given by the dominant" - that's him -
0:26:13 > 0:26:17"immediately, without any hesitation or reservation
0:26:17 > 0:26:18"and in an expeditious manner."
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Which is exactly the same clause that Nick Clegg had
0:26:21 > 0:26:23in his contract with David Cameron.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34If someone turned up going, "I want to be submissive to you and you be in charge",
0:26:34 > 0:26:37you'd be going, "Well, can I watch the football first?"
0:26:37 > 0:26:41- It's not...- Yeah, but she has to do it in this book.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Yeah, she'd have to say yes.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Well, I think that sounds all right.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51OK. So we come to the end of that round.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52And, um...
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Jason argues very well for the annoying car parking.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02But I also think that the point that little cars are saving our lives
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- does slightly blow that out the water.- What?!
0:27:05 > 0:27:10Smart casual, I like the excitement of some people getting it right and some people getting it wrong.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14But I do think that the whole concept of Fifty Shades of Grey,
0:27:14 > 0:27:19the idea that it's awoken all these little people in their suburbs
0:27:19 > 0:27:21is just wrong.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Because there's all sorts of lovely books, videos and a whole internet
0:27:24 > 0:27:26that can do that.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30So I am going to put Fifty Shades of Grey into Room 101.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51And well done, Paloma. You were the most persuasive guest,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53so you are tonight's winner!
0:28:01 > 0:28:05So thanks very much, Jason Manford, Deborah Meaden and Paloma Faith.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06And thank you! Good night!
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd