0:00:26 > 0:00:28APPLAUSE
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101 -
0:00:41 > 0:00:44the show where three guests battle to get the things
0:00:44 > 0:00:49they hate entombed for all eternity in the dreaded vaults.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Joining me tonight are comedian Hugh Dennis,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55presenter Mel Giedroyc and legend Cilla Black.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Wow!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:07 > 0:01:09OK, let's have the first category, please.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15People!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18OK, so what kind of people wind up Cilla?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23FRANK GIGGLES
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Ooh!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Yeah, it's people who say,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30"Do you know who I am?"
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I hate that.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36I hate reality stars that walk the red carpet
0:01:36 > 0:01:41and expect to be there and, you know, expect the treatment,
0:01:41 > 0:01:45the star treatment. And they're famous for five minutes!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49I hate that, I absolutely hate that.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51APPLAUSE
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I do.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00I mean, I was standing in line, erm, at an airport
0:02:00 > 0:02:05and a very famous lady, I won't name her...
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- Please, Cilla.- Oh, go on!- Please.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Just give us a clue.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I wouldn't dream of naming her.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Bigger than you, Cilla? Bigger than you?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14No.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16LAUGHTER
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- Please tell us.- ..and she was trying to get an upgrade
0:02:21 > 0:02:24from business class to first-class
0:02:24 > 0:02:30and I'm standing patiently behind her and the last thing that she mentioned
0:02:30 > 0:02:34was, "But I need an upgrade...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37"don't you know who I am?"
0:02:37 > 0:02:40And I won't mention any names.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Is it Valerie Singleton, Cilla?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43LAUGHTER
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Cilla, please.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Very posh.- Posh? Camilla!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Look, stop... Don't be a Cilla griller.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58- Leave her alone.- You wouldn't be surprised if I mentioned the name.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00So, why don't you see how surprised we'd be?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02LAUGHTER
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- No, I can't.- I always think, though,
0:03:06 > 0:03:08it's an incredibly dangerous strategy.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13There was one occasion when somebody stopped me in the street and went,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15"I know you."
0:03:15 > 0:03:19And in those instances, to put them out of their slight embarrassment,
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I kind of go, "Yeah, well, I'm an actor.
0:03:23 > 0:03:27"I'm in a thing called Outnumbered, "I do a thing called Mock The Week,"
0:03:27 > 0:03:29and he went, "No."
0:03:29 > 0:03:32LAUGHTER
0:03:32 > 0:03:36He went, "No, yesterday...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38"Homebase Chichester."
0:03:38 > 0:03:40LAUGHTER
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Well, I would never say, "Do you know who I am?"
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I have - when I've been queueing up to get into places -
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I have used this.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54What you see is what you get,
0:03:54 > 0:03:57and Frankie Howard, the late and great Frankie Howard,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00was right, and common as muck
0:04:00 > 0:04:04and with a few bob, I have to say.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05LAUGHTER
0:04:07 > 0:04:10But even in restaurants, when I call up restaurants,
0:04:10 > 0:04:15if they don't want me as Mrs Willis, they don't get my...
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I don't ever go there again.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- So, you don't say "I'm Cilla Black?"- No.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Oh, God no.- Really?!- No, I don't.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24I love that.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Was it Carole Middleton?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28LAUGHTER
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I once heard Pete Doherty say, "Do you know who I am?"
0:04:32 > 0:04:34but it was a genuine enquiry.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42But I think you're right, people who say, "Don't you know who I am,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45"do you know who I am?" they're bad people.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49This is a clip I'd like to show you which has an example
0:04:49 > 0:04:52of someone saying, "Do you know who I am?"
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Do you know who I am?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56LAUGHTER
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Do you know who I am? - Yeah, you're Cilla Black.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Do you know who I am?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Lulu?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:04 > 0:05:05INAUDIBLE
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Oh, well... Yeah.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11FRANK LAUGHS
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I hold my hands up in shame.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19OK, so what is Hugh's people pet hate?
0:05:25 > 0:05:26This is...
0:05:26 > 0:05:29This is people who bring round cards...
0:05:31 > 0:05:35..for you to sign. Before I did what I do now, I had a proper job
0:05:35 > 0:05:38for about seven or eight years out of university.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40The thing I always hated was this.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Someone will come up with a card
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and go, "You know Emma, who you've never met,
0:05:45 > 0:05:48"you've no idea who she is, she works in the other building?
0:05:48 > 0:05:51"She's just nipped off to the loo, would you mind signing this...
0:05:51 > 0:05:53"Oh, no, she's coming, hang on."
0:05:53 > 0:05:56And then, eventually, you get the card,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59and at that point, you realise
0:05:59 > 0:06:02that you've never actually been told what the card is for.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06You've got a choice, generally, between, is it their birthday,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08or are they leaving the company?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11So, you try and cover both bases, that's what I always try to do.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15So you put things like, "Have fun. Enjoy yourself."
0:06:15 > 0:06:17And then you give the card back and discover
0:06:17 > 0:06:19the reason you're giving a card in the first place
0:06:19 > 0:06:22is because they're having one of their kidneys removed.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27I feel quite sorry for the people whose birthday it is
0:06:27 > 0:06:30or who's leaving or whatever, cos they're sitting there and
0:06:30 > 0:06:34they have to pretend that they don't know that a card is being signed.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35- Yeah.- That's very true.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39People come in and say, "Wendy, can you just come into the office?"
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- And you have to work away like you haven't... It's a nightmare.- Yes.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44- Pressure.- All that pretending.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Having said all that, if I ever leave anywhere,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- I would like one of these cards. - Yeah.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54And you never know, you might need a new kidney.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I think I probably do need one.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I don't think they tuck them inside the card.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I think, sometimes, a card can do more harm than good.
0:07:04 > 0:07:09This is a card, a genuine valentine card, available from Asda.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15- No way.- Genuine.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20I think the sticker with 7p, that is removable.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Someone wrote to me and said,
0:07:21 > 0:07:24"Could you sign a card for my dad's birthday?"
0:07:24 > 0:07:26and I signed it, sent it back and thought that's a lovely thing.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I saw it on eBay...
0:07:29 > 0:07:32..three weeks later, and the price they were asking
0:07:32 > 0:07:35was less than the card cost.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40So, my signing of it had reduced its worth.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45OK, what people wind up Mel?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56People who over pronounce words in Italian.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01It's a bit of a niche one, this.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- No, I... - It's a bit of a niche one.- OK.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07So, I'll give you a sort of example, let's set the scene.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I've got a friend, a sort of friend of my brother's,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14who, she goes into a restaurant, she's very softly spoken,
0:08:14 > 0:08:18and she'll get the menu out. We're in an Italian restaurant, whatever,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21and she'll say, "Yeah, that looks great,
0:08:21 > 0:08:23"I think I'll start with the...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26the "FUNGHI ALLA MELANZANA...
0:08:26 > 0:08:31"..and then I'll probably go for the STRACCIATELLI ALLA FUNGHI...
0:08:31 > 0:08:35"..and, um, I don't know, for dessert I'll probably have
0:08:35 > 0:08:36"TIRAMISU."
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Could you tell us what this person's name is?
0:08:42 > 0:08:48I'll tell you what I do notice, they only seem to do it in Italian.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Yes.- Who would dare go into a Chinese restaurant and say,
0:08:50 > 0:08:53"Yes, I am ready to order. Can I have the... chicki cho..."
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You wouldn't dare!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58You would not...
0:08:58 > 0:09:02It would...it would be wrong on a million levels.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05For some reason, it's OK in an Italian restaurant,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- even though it's exactly the same thing.- Yes.
0:09:08 > 0:09:13It's a show off-y thing, it's pretentious, it's unnecessary.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16There's a name for it, it's called hyper-foreignism.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Is that so?- That's honestly what it's called.- Oh, really?
0:09:19 > 0:09:20I've got a clip of a woman here
0:09:20 > 0:09:23who, I would say, is the hyper-foreign secretary.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26And she's Welsh...
0:09:26 > 0:09:29LAUGHTER
0:09:29 > 0:09:31..but, um, she's someone who, I think,
0:09:31 > 0:09:36- totally falls into the trap you're talking about.- Let's have a look.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Mix it with half a tub of RICOTTA
0:09:38 > 0:09:41which I love to serve with PAPPARDELLE.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44You can also use dried TAGLIATELLE or even PENNE.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46You can also use LINGUINE, SPAGHETTI.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49One tub of MASCARPONE, one tub of RICOTTA.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Your TAGLIATELLE should be just AL DENTE.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55That is why you don't have SPAGHETTI with Bolognese.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57I felt...
0:09:57 > 0:09:59APPLAUSE
0:10:04 > 0:10:07The "Bolognese" was a bit of a let down, I thought!
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- Bolognese-ee.- It was the way she said spaghetti,
0:10:11 > 0:10:12she said it about five times,
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- "Spag-ay-tti, Spag-ay-tti..."- Yes.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- There's no need.- No, it's spaghetti, we all know that.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Spaghetti, yeah.- OK, we've come to the end of the people round
0:10:21 > 0:10:24and, erm, I... With the cards thing,
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I think it comes from a good place,
0:10:27 > 0:10:31and the fact that you want a card when you leave, maybe tonight,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35I think you've slightly undermined your thing.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38And I do think... I think it's an improvement,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41even though it is annoying, that people who used to just
0:10:41 > 0:10:44turn everything into brutish English impersonations,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47they're trying to do the language a bit.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51But I do think it is unacceptable, erm, unless you're Cilla Black
0:10:51 > 0:10:56in 1971, or whenever it was, to say, "Do you know who I am?"
0:10:56 > 0:11:00And so I am going to put people who say, "Do you know who I am?"
0:11:00 > 0:11:02into Room 101!
0:11:02 > 0:11:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29Modern Life. Right, what doesn't Hugh like about modern life?
0:11:36 > 0:11:40This is, erm, this is massive charity cheques.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I've had to present these things,
0:11:43 > 0:11:45and it's kind of the impracticality of it.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50Because the people giving the cheque are going, "That's fantastic,"
0:11:50 > 0:11:54and I'm thinking, "You're not going to be able to pay that in anywhere."
0:11:54 > 0:11:58No bank is ever going to accept a massive charity cheque,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01cos they haven't got massive paying in slips.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06They're quite... I mean, they're unwieldy, they're big,
0:12:06 > 0:12:08they've got sharp corners -
0:12:08 > 0:12:11that's how Pudsey lost an eye, apparently.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Banks don't even like cheques, do they?
0:12:14 > 0:12:16They're trying to get rid of cheques,
0:12:16 > 0:12:19and yet we're still promoting massive cheques.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22In China - you know when you win the lottery
0:12:22 > 0:12:24you can ask for no publicity -
0:12:24 > 0:12:26in China, you can have no publicity,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28but you still have to turn up and get the cheque,
0:12:28 > 0:12:31so this is genuine, this is what happens.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Oh, no!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37It gets worse than that.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41That's a genuine Chinese lottery winner.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46A million years ago, I was in Liberty's, you know...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Posh shop?
0:12:48 > 0:12:54Yeah. And I was asked for my autograph by several people,
0:12:54 > 0:12:57including the shop assistant.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01And so I signed the cheque, and then she said to me,
0:13:01 > 0:13:05"Have you got any form of identification?"
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I said, "I've just signed your autograph book,"
0:13:10 > 0:13:13and I still didn't say, "Do you know who I am?"
0:13:13 > 0:13:15No, thank God.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21Right, what is Mel's modern life gripe?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Parent and toddler groups.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35You've got a small child, you're feeling exhausted,
0:13:35 > 0:13:39you're not getting a lot of sleep, the last thing you want to do
0:13:39 > 0:13:43is go into an overheated room which has horrible crash mats
0:13:43 > 0:13:47which smell of foot odour, usually,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51you get a horrible, silty beverage, no snacks, nothing to eat at all
0:13:51 > 0:13:56for an hour, and you have to be jolly in an enforced way.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Why do you bother trying to make your toddler
0:13:58 > 0:14:01make friends with other toddlers? We know now, they don't
0:14:01 > 0:14:04make friends until they're at least eight or nine.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07What's the point of that? I didn't make any friends when I was there.
0:14:07 > 0:14:12I was just too grumpy and too tired and I have a terrible,
0:14:12 > 0:14:16terrible memory of this parent-toddler "fun" club.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:20 > 0:14:24A friend of mine says that his daughter, who's tiny,
0:14:24 > 0:14:27goes to a group. He said, "It's not a very interesting group,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30"but it's good for catching all the main diseases."
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Oh, yes. We, we...
0:14:32 > 0:14:37I had no idea parents actually want their children to catch stuff early.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40There was a big thing, um, pox parties,
0:14:40 > 0:14:42where a mum whose child...
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I've been to those, but not on purpose.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46LAUGHTER
0:14:47 > 0:14:52There's a whole other layer in these parent-toddler "fun" groups,
0:14:52 > 0:14:54which is, basically, competition.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58"Oh, so your baby hasn't got a tooth yet? Oh, dear.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01"Well, mine got a tooth, you know, two weeks ago."
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- Do you know what I mean?- Yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- You know, that goes on, that goes on right through.- I know.
0:15:06 > 0:15:12So I did my kids' sports day when my son was maybe seven.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I took part in my one and only father's race,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17but I was just, sort of, dressed normally.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- There were people in spikes.- Yes. - And, erm...- Yes.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26..with shorts, limbering up, and we... It was the 100m.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27We set off, I got 10 yards,
0:15:27 > 0:15:30and I was elbowed in the head by the man next to me.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Just ran along, deliberately just kind of went, boof.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38It was crazy.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42OK, what doesn't Cilla like about modern life?
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Everything.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:58 > 0:16:01No, modern technology. Where do I start?
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I mean, I don't like the new technology.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09The word technology, even, really makes my blood boil.
0:16:09 > 0:16:14I mean, what are these things...? What do you have? Those...mobiles.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19- Remote control?- Mobiles, yes. I can't stand them.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23I can't stand them, because people walk along the street
0:16:23 > 0:16:28and I think they're talking to me, but they're talking to the phone,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30and I'm answering them!
0:16:30 > 0:16:34You know, "What did you have for dinner?" "Well, I had so-and-so."
0:16:35 > 0:16:38And I can't stand them and, urgh, people...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You don't have one?
0:16:40 > 0:16:44- You don't have a mobile? - I do, I've got an iPhone.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- Oh, an iPhone?- An iPhone.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Oh, and don't talk to me about the iPhone.
0:16:49 > 0:16:55I phoned a taxi by mistake and a taxi turned up outside my door
0:16:55 > 0:16:57and I just wanted to know about the weather.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02No, I don't like technology.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05So, you think we should have stopped at Etch-A-Sketch?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07What's that?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Oh, come on!
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I mean, you are someone who, in the past,
0:17:12 > 0:17:16has been known to use technology for your own ends.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Oh, you're not going to show film again, are you?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21This was hi tech.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Oh.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Ooh!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Oo-o-o-oh!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38APPLAUSE
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Naughty.- It's amazing, you seem to have lit up an Asda valentine card.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50LAUGHTER
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And you've got a Wii, is that right?
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Oh, I don't understand Wii-fis.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- You get these Wii-fis that do exercises...- Yes.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Wiis? They call them Wiis. - It's a Wii, OK.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Well, you can call it whatever you want.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Thank you very much.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- You can play golf and you can play tennis...- Brilliant.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17..what's wrong with a doorknob?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22It's a good... It's a good question.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:25 > 0:18:28No, let me explain.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I've got several doorknobs in my kitchen
0:18:32 > 0:18:35and I jive with the doorknob.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- Oh!- That's how I get my... Ooh, try it, Mel.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- That's great.- It's fabulous!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Grab hold of a knob...
0:18:45 > 0:18:46LAUGHTER
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I was rather afraid you were going to say that.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- And then you..?- Yeah, Steve Wright in the afternoon,
0:18:53 > 0:18:56you're bopping away. Jiving away.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58You don't need these Wii-fis.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Why don't you get out there and do it, physically?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06You can say that about any indoor game.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09If we were playing Hungry Hippos, you wouldn't say, "Get to Africa!"
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Outdoor sports aren't always as much fun...
0:19:18 > 0:19:22..as, er, as people say they are, because this is a German guy
0:19:22 > 0:19:27- who's about to go swimming on a very cold day.- Genius.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Right, look at him now, he's so full of himself.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32"Yes it's cold, but I don't care.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"The cold won't stop me from going for a dip."
0:19:35 > 0:19:37GROANS AND APPLAUSE
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Brilliant. Brilliant.
0:19:44 > 0:19:49One thing you're right about - if that had been him playing Wii,
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- it wouldn't have been as funny, would it?- No.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53So, I...
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I don't think I can put parent-toddler groups in,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59because I think it's good that people meet and catch stuff
0:19:59 > 0:20:02and share their problems.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05And, erm, if we put all technology in,
0:20:05 > 0:20:08it means that the show will close down.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10But I do think those big charity cheques,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13the cheque is dying out as a concept anyway,
0:20:13 > 0:20:15it's about time they got modernised.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19So, I am going to put big charity cheques into room 101.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22APPLAUSE
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Next category, please.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44OK, it's the wildcard round, which means there is no restraint
0:20:44 > 0:20:46at all now, it doesn't matter what the subject is,
0:20:46 > 0:20:50you can pick anything you don't like and try and get it into Room 101.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53So, what is Mel's wildcard?
0:21:00 > 0:21:04People who tell you their dreams.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10I don't mean, like, "Oh, I'd love to go into space one day,"
0:21:10 > 0:21:14or, "Oh, I'd love to win a gold medal at the Olympics,"
0:21:14 > 0:21:16or those kind of dreams.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I mean their nuts and bolts dreams that they've had.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22It's so dull.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Do you not...? I've done this with friends,
0:21:24 > 0:21:27when someone will tell us a dream and we all sit around and try
0:21:27 > 0:21:30and work out what it means, work out the symbolism.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- It's quite a fun thing to do. - No.- No?
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- I think it's a bit like, do you remember Catchphrase?- Catchphrase.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40It's a bit like that, because you get a few images and they say,
0:21:40 > 0:21:45"Yeah, I was in this big house and then suddenly a tiger appeared
0:21:45 > 0:21:46"and then I..."
0:21:46 > 0:21:49CATCHPHRASE BUZZER
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Are you afraid of your wife's mother?
0:21:51 > 0:21:52That's how I...
0:21:52 > 0:21:56"It's good, but it's not right." And then on you go again.
0:21:56 > 0:22:01- So, I kind of, like dream analysis. - No, amateur dream analysis. Nah.
0:22:01 > 0:22:06One thing I am confused about is have you ever watched a dog dream?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08The dogs do that...
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- "Bruff! Bruff!" - That's right, yeah.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13- "Bruff!"- They're chasing rabbits.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14I've been told that before,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17but my dog lived in Birmingham its whole life.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19LAUGHTER
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Never seen a rabbit.- You do that. Humans do that, don't they?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- I get told off all the time for doing that.- Doing what?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- For sort of twitching. - When you dream?- Yeah.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29But what always happens at night...
0:22:29 > 0:22:32This is hell for me, can I just say? This is all hell.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35So, I'll be lying in bed and I kind of...
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I don't go "ummm" like that, but I do go...
0:22:38 > 0:22:43And I fall off things and then I sort of wake up. Do you do that?
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Oh, stop it, please!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:49- This is exactly what I'm talking about.- OK.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53OK, so what's Hugh's wildcard?
0:22:58 > 0:23:01I would really like to put Las Vegas in Room 101.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I've only been once to Las Vegas,
0:23:03 > 0:23:06and I went last summer at the end of a...
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Took the family on this long trip and went to Las Vegas.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12And I think my expectations of it were slightly wrong,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15because I thought it would be like Casino or Ocean's 11.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19But, actually, Las Vegas is sort of to me, anyway, it's a bit like
0:23:19 > 0:23:24a hybrid, a cross between a motorway service station,
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Alton Towers,
0:23:26 > 0:23:28and a cross-channel ferry.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29LAUGHTER
0:23:29 > 0:23:34It's just miles and miles of, kind of, fruit machines,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37and terrible food.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39But you have to do a bit of gambling.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You at least you have to go on the fruit machines and stuff like that.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Yeah.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47People spend whole days, often very fat people,
0:23:47 > 0:23:51on fruit machines with a bucket of coins and they're on it all day,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53and this is the only fruit these people ever see.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I didn't realise before I went there, that you have to walk
0:23:58 > 0:24:01through the casinos to get anywhere. But if you have kids,
0:24:01 > 0:24:06one of the rules is that you're not allowed to loiter with kids.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10They can't stop in the casino, cos it's against Nevada gaming law.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15So, that basically means I spent like three days in Las Vegas,
0:24:15 > 0:24:16walking. I could never...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18LAUGHTER
0:24:18 > 0:24:19I couldn't stop.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23The hotel we stayed in...we stayed there because it had its own beach,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25so, knackered after walking for miles and miles,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29I would go and lie on this pretend beach in the middle of the desert
0:24:29 > 0:24:34in Nevada, thinking, "Why aren't I on a beach?"
0:24:36 > 0:24:40OK, then what is Cilla's wildcard?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Well, knickers, really.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57Doesn't your lingerie and knickers go grey too quickly
0:24:57 > 0:24:59after you've washed them?
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- I think there's a conspiracy going on.- OK.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I think the manufacturers make them,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09so they go grey after a certain amount of time.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12You think it's deliberately made to do that?
0:25:12 > 0:25:17I think the manufacturers do that, and I've bought from posh shops,
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- right the way down to, you know... - Liberty's?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22..everybody else goes.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28You know, I do, I buy and they're all the same.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30You're talking about white knickers?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33White knickers, that go grey after a certain amount of time,
0:25:33 > 0:25:34very... Relatively quickly.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- They're not just see-through, are they?- Pardon?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39No!
0:25:39 > 0:25:40I'm terribly sorry!
0:25:41 > 0:25:46- You should write a book about this called 50 Shades Of Grey!- I should!
0:25:46 > 0:25:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:53 > 0:25:56I tell you what I love about this, is I used to watch you
0:25:56 > 0:25:59on Top Of The Pops in the late '60s and I used to think
0:25:59 > 0:26:02"If ever I met Cilla, I wonder what we'd talk about."
0:26:03 > 0:26:07This never crossed my mind, I must say. We have a clip here.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Chris Tarrant, you may remember,
0:26:08 > 0:26:12used to be a roving reporter before he became a big-time presenter,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16and he's interviewing women in an underwear factory,
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and can you imagine, in the modern-day,
0:26:19 > 0:26:22beginning an interview like this?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Excuse me, can I ask you what sort of undies you're wearing?
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Er, frilly one.- Like these? - No, little bikini ones.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32When you're going out somewhere special,
0:26:32 > 0:26:33do you put a very expensive pair on?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- No, not really.- Same old ones?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Yeah.- Do you wear any expensive ones from here?- No.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40- Why not?- They fall to bits.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42LAUGHTER
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Oh my God!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Has anyone here ever cut a pair of pants off themselves?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49- No.- OK.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- LAUGHING:- Hold it!
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Yeah, come on, Mel, you've got to tell us.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58- Why did you do it? - I had a bit of an accident.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01OK, you had a bit of an accident.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I had a bit of an accident and I had to cut...
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I didn't want to take the jeans off, so cut the pants out.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Please tell me someone else has done this.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12What kind of an accident did you have?
0:27:12 > 0:27:14LAUGHTER
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- Oh, come on, Cilla. - Oh, that kind of accident!
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Cilla, let's call it "a surprise, surprise."
0:27:22 > 0:27:24LAUGHTER
0:27:25 > 0:27:29Right, that comes to the end of that round, and...
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Oh, it's a toughie.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35I think, even though I occasionally do it myself,
0:27:35 > 0:27:39it can be incredibly tedious to share dreams.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43But I am slightly fascinated by dreams and what they mean,
0:27:43 > 0:27:47so I do also like it, if it's in the right context.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52Las Vegas, I do think it's something that you grow to love,
0:27:52 > 0:27:55and if you went back without the kids and just embraced it,
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I think you'd have a great time. But I cannot, I have to say,
0:27:58 > 0:28:02resist the temptation to put knickers into Room 101.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Thank you.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12INAUDIBLE
0:28:19 > 0:28:22And that brings us to the end of the show. Well done, Cilla.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24You were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:28:24 > 0:28:26so you are this week's winner!
0:28:26 > 0:28:28CHEERING
0:28:33 > 0:28:36So, thanks very much, Hugh Dennis, Mel Giedroyc and Cilla Black.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39And thank you. Good night.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd