0:00:26 > 0:00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:42the show in which three guests battle to get the things they hate into the dreaded room.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47Joining me are The One Show's Alex Jones, broadcaster Clive Anderson and comedian Jack Whitehall!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING
0:00:53 > 0:00:56OK, so let's see our first category.
0:01:01 > 0:01:07Ah, the great outdoors. So what does Alex hate about the great outdoors?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Oh, hold on!- That's me.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14No, I have to help this a little.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18SHE LAUGHS Here we go.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Yeah. It is.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35It is seagulls and, to be honest, that has happened way too many times.
0:01:35 > 0:01:42- When has it happened to you?- The most recent time, I was in the House of Lords. I was out on the balcony.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44And it was a dinner.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49It was the first time that Christine Bleakley and I would be sitting next to each other.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- Oh, tense!- So I thought, "Make an impression."
0:01:53 > 0:01:58- Yes.- So I go out, have a little orange juice on the balcony, calm myself.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Next thing, one of these... MIMICS AIRCRAFT ENGINE
0:02:02 > 0:02:07It deposited this lumpy stuff right down my arm, down a cream coat.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- Did you see the bird?- I did see the bird. It was a massive one.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I think it might have been Adrian Chiles.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16LAUGHTER
0:02:16 > 0:02:18We've got a special guest.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- No, we haven't.- They're scavengers.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28They're a menace on society, they will eat your food and then poo on you!
0:02:28 > 0:02:32They are on the edges of society, I'll give you that. They're outlaws.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37We have video evidence of this, of criminal activity.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Look at this character, right?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Outside a mini-market...
0:02:44 > 0:02:48In he goes, straight, straight to the orange Doritos!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54APPLAUSE
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Oh, look, and there's his mate going in for dips!
0:02:58 > 0:03:05The thing is, we've all stolen snacks from a mini-market, but you don't eat it right outside the shop!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08LAUGHTER
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- They get really big as well, you know.- Huge.
0:03:11 > 0:03:16- Enormous.- In 2002, a seagull did actually manage to kill somebody.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20LAUGHTER
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Are you not thinking of Steven Seagal?
0:03:24 > 0:03:29- No!- They do grow. They grow enormous. Look at this.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31'Tom Steinfort, 9 News.'
0:03:31 > 0:03:37Police hope someone burdened with information will help solve a 27-year-old gangland murder...
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- You see, they're endless fun. - Well, no.
0:03:42 > 0:03:49I'd like to stick up for seagulls. These animals that nick our food, they're finding stuff that's there.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Foxes do it, pigeons do it, seagulls do it.
0:03:52 > 0:03:58But they're brilliant at it. I sat on the beach at Brighton eating fish and chips.
0:03:58 > 0:04:03I just chucked chips into the air and they just plucked it out of the air like that.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05That is... Could you do that?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- No.- Let's try.
0:04:08 > 0:04:14- OK.- Could you catch this in your mouth? I think she'll do it. She's got the teeth for it.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16LAUGHTER
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Get ready, Alex. Don't laugh.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Oh!- It hit me right there.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26Come on, I've seen Fern Britton do this with a Black Forest gateau.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Last one.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Oh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Let's see what Jack Whitehall doesn't like about the great outdoors.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Glamping.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Glamorous camping.- Yes.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Because it's not a real camping experience.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54You stay in some luxury yurt and you have a lovely time and there's a bed and a stove.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56That's not how I remember camping.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Camping should be a real experience -
0:04:59 > 0:05:04five members of the family in a horrible little tent fighting over the last wet wipe.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09You shouldn't wake up after a camping experience in a bed.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12You should wake up with grass stains on your knees
0:05:12 > 0:05:18- and a sense that you can never look your best friend in the eye again. - Yes.- That's camping.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- It's a life experience. - I agree with you.
0:05:21 > 0:05:26There's nothing more exciting than the sound of a zip going up and down in a dark field.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:34I can show you some examples. Would you like to see the bubble tent, for example?
0:05:34 > 0:05:39- Look at that.- Ooh!- And if you shake it, does a snowstorm happen?
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- Don't you think that's beautiful? - I think it would get really warm.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47It's a bit like sleeping in a conservatory though, isn't it?
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Yes, but it's so difficult to travel with a conservatory.- True, true.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I would say, though, Jack...
0:05:54 > 0:06:00Would it not be fair to say that this trend is represented by your good self to some extent?
0:06:00 > 0:06:04You're a young, successful, well-educated man,
0:06:04 > 0:06:09but you're here tonight in your T-shirt, your hair a bit raggedy.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You're a sort of... You're a glamp.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14LAUGHTER
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Whoa!- That's why I need camping
0:06:18 > 0:06:23because otherwise, when else am I going to poo in a hole in the ground?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28So what doesn't Clive like about the great outdoors?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33What is that?!
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Well... Well, my...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38My selection was deer.
0:06:38 > 0:06:44But I was expecting you to produce a little model Bambi and everyone would turn against me,
0:06:44 > 0:06:49but you've combined a deer with... It might even be me, but I suppose it's the devil.
0:06:49 > 0:06:55I love the countryside, I love all the animals and creatures in it, but there are just too many deer.
0:06:55 > 0:07:00There's more deer now than there have ever been in this country. Maybe three million of them.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04- Three million?- I haven't counted them. Don't hold me to the last...
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- Three million?- Roughly.- All they need is a charismatic leader.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10LAUGHTER
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Maybe the Dalai "Llama".
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Near enough.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16APPLAUSE
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I don't know how you'll do it if you put the deer into Room 101,
0:07:21 > 0:07:26but one way to do it would be to reintroduce things like wolves.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29It's a good idea. We should have wolves in this country.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34They would keep the deer population down to manageable proportions.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Wouldn't they keep the human population down as well?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42- They've reintroduced beavers into Scotland recently.- That's right.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46Let me guess. They did a film about it on The One Show!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I tried to stop myself, but it just came out.
0:07:49 > 0:07:55They're lovely creatures. I was photographing beavers in Scotland this year.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57LAUGHTER Oh, yeah?
0:07:57 > 0:08:03I've got some brilliant... I've got some brilliant beaver shots I could show you.
0:08:03 > 0:08:09I'm going to get off the subject. There are too many deer. I don't want to get rid of all of them.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14If you could put a good proportion of them in Room 101, that would be a great idea.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18One thing I found very odd was this idea that deer kidnap people.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- You know there was this series of kidnappings done by deer?- What?
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- No, I didn't.- Look at this. I have evidence.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30SCREAMS
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Was that kidnapping or was it some sort of mating ritual?
0:08:40 > 0:08:46If you see the rest of it, she's bundled into the back of a sleigh and they're off!
0:08:46 > 0:08:51- Do you think you could actually kill a deer?- I just saw this programme as a mechanism
0:08:51 > 0:08:56where we can adjust the population without having to get too messy ourselves.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01I think I can change your mind. I have one last Exhibit A.
0:09:01 > 0:09:06I have a special guest. Usually, we have big applause for a special guest.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10But if you applaud this time, somebody might get killed,
0:09:10 > 0:09:14so can we have a very silent welcome indeed for Arthur, the deer?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Can someone get Clive a hammer?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23LAUGHTER
0:09:23 > 0:09:27- Come on, Clive.- Can I come and say "hello"?- You can say "hello".
0:09:27 > 0:09:31- You know what we're all hoping for. - I'm sorry, Arthur.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35I didn't mean you. I didn't mean you, honestly. No, not you.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39So, sorry. I'll, um...
0:09:39 > 0:09:42I withdraw my... I withdraw my offer.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Clive was just saying how much he likes eating venison.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- Is he a red deer?- Yes.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53And he hasn't got his horns at the moment. Is he too young for that?
0:09:53 > 0:09:57No, he doesn't have any horns. He's castrated.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I was about to say, he looks more of a Martha than an Arthur!
0:10:00 > 0:10:07OK, I think we can say goodbye to Arthur, but don't applaud. Just a wave for Arthur.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I don't think that's a good idea either.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12There he goes.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- To the BBC canteen!- Yes.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20Anyway, we've come to the end of the Great Outdoors round.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26I don't feel I can put deer in, having seen one in the flesh.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- I withdraw my suggestion. - They're such beautiful things.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35I get your point about seagulls and their general messiness,
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- but they are mystical creatures that I find beautiful.- Mystical?!
0:10:39 > 0:10:46I'm a fan of camping, but I think glamping is the wrong approach to the whole thing. I agree with Jack.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48So I am going to put glamping into Room 101.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51APPLAUSE
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08It's going out, so what doesn't Jack like about going out?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13The Last Supper?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- Jesus! No... - LAUGHTER
0:11:16 > 0:11:18It's shared tables.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22If you look closely, Jack, you'll see why this picture is featured.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- Oh, I'm in it! - LAUGHTER
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- That's you sharing a table.- Good.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- You fit in rather well. - I fit in rather well, don't I?
0:11:31 > 0:11:35So, shared tables. When you go out to a restaurant for a night out
0:11:35 > 0:11:40and then they put you on a shared table and you have to sit next to strangers.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43It's ludicrous. Where does that end?
0:11:43 > 0:11:49We're going to share seats, we're going to share the table, there'll be two people next to me.
0:11:49 > 0:11:55Next, let's share food or the bill. Before you know it, it's car keys in a bowl time. It shouldn't happen.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59It's dangerous. This as well. This is the Last Supper. This is Jesus.
0:11:59 > 0:12:06If I was next to Jesus of Nazareth at dinner, that would be cool. His conversation would be interesting.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10When you go to these restaurants, you're not sat next to Jesus of Nazareth.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14You're sat next to Gareth of the Wandsworth Borough Council.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17He's not as fun. He can turn water into wine.
0:12:17 > 0:12:23All Gareth can do is turn rather bland noodles into unfeasibly smelly wind.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28It's difficult because a particular well-known restaurant that I frequent
0:12:28 > 0:12:30is one of those with the long benches,
0:12:30 > 0:12:34so I sit on one side and my girlfriend sits on the other.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36There's people sitting next to us.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39And people eavesdrop.
0:12:39 > 0:12:44- Yeah.- Don't you find that? I'll be talking to her and she'll start going...
0:12:44 > 0:12:50That means there's someone listening. She texts me about the people we're sitting next to.
0:12:50 > 0:12:56Honestly, I was with her. I got a text that said, "Fattest neck in the world?"
0:12:56 > 0:13:01And then I had to start looking around for the fattest neck and there he was.
0:13:01 > 0:13:07It's not just the table, it's the bench thing going on where you're sat opposite your date,
0:13:07 > 0:13:13then there's a man next to you there and a man next to you there and you're being squashed down.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18You're having more intimacy with him than you'll end up having with your girlfriend that night.
0:13:18 > 0:13:24You're trying to get a bit of your neighbour's area. I know a man that did that. His name was Hitler.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29Every time you go to one of these restaurants, you're supporting the Nazis!
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- That's the way I see it.- Well, you argue your case very well.
0:13:34 > 0:13:40Maybe you, Frank, and you, Jack, have a particular problem because you're well-known people.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44You're saying you're sitting down and people are getting close to you.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49They might be saying, "That's Jack Whitehall. I like him in..." whatever you've been in.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:53 > 0:13:57You're not really objecting about sharing a table.
0:13:57 > 0:14:02You're objecting about sharing a planet with these people. That's the truth of it.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Anyway, let's find out what Clive doesn't like about going out.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18There's a sort of procedure or ceremony that a lot of restaurants still insist upon doing.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23If you order some wine, they'll give you a taste of it beforehand.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25It's almost like a religious ceremony.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30You're supposed to check to see if the wine has been corked or is off.
0:14:30 > 0:14:36But they do that nowadays when quite good wine is in a screw-top bottle, which is not going to be corked.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41It can be screwed, but not corked. And it's a strange thing.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- They don't bring you little bits of food to try first.- That's true.
0:14:45 > 0:14:51It's based on the idea that in every group of people, one person is the host, so he - it could be she -
0:14:51 > 0:14:56has to make sure it's all right before his guests get to taste it.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01So corked, the idea is the cork reacts chemically with the wine?
0:15:01 > 0:15:05It can sometimes go off a bit. That's what you're detecting,
0:15:05 > 0:15:11not deciding, "Mm, yes, that is the wine that the label says it is. You haven't rebottled it."
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Although it would be worth mentioning it!
0:15:14 > 0:15:20I've had it with a microwave. If someone microwaves fish and you do porridge immediately after,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23"This has been fished!"
0:15:23 > 0:15:30Where it could work is in a pub when you normally do buy a round. There's one person buying the round.
0:15:30 > 0:15:37That person should be given each of the beers, Diet Cokes, the wine to taste.
0:15:37 > 0:15:43But we don't do that. Why do we put up with this in restaurants? Why do we still do it?
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Well, there is a lot of massive snobbiness about wine.
0:15:47 > 0:15:54I guess it is tied in with that. I used to drink the cheaper types of wine and sherry,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57basically on waste ground.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01And I...no one ever asked me if it was corked!
0:16:01 > 0:16:07- But we have a clip of Jilly Goolden, who is something of a wine expert. - Ah, yes.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11This doesn't bear any resemblance to any wine drinking I ever did.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15It's Tarrawingee Riesling Gewurtztraminer. Let's have a smell.
0:16:16 > 0:16:22Very seductive. It's like melon balls, when they're scrunched up. That gorgeous aroma.
0:16:22 > 0:16:26It's a bit like rosewater and witch hazel. Those lovely scents.
0:16:26 > 0:16:30There's a bit of patchouli. It's very heady stuff indeed.
0:16:30 > 0:16:36- It really does whoosh up your nose. Very come on-ish. - For me, it used to be more...
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Oh, I'm scenting an argument about immigration on the night bus.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- LAUGHTER - A brick through my ex-girlfriend's window
0:16:45 > 0:16:51and I get home later with two domestic pets I've never seen before. It's a different world.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- Yeah.- The whole thing is to make you look stupid.
0:16:54 > 0:17:01I went to a restaurant with my girlfriend and the sommelier brought up the wine list on an iPad.
0:17:01 > 0:17:08He was going through it like that, showing off. And then he said, "Does Sir have any questions?"
0:17:08 > 0:17:12I was like, "Um, has this got Angry Birds on it?"
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- I don't know anything. - OK, let's look at Alex's choice.
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Yep. This is British-themed bars abroad.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28GROANS
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Oh, the crowd! - Divided you straight away!
0:17:31 > 0:17:36You've booked your holiday, you pick your destination,
0:17:36 > 0:17:42you turn up, it's lovely, sun's out. Nice. And you're walking down the road and the first thing you see
0:17:42 > 0:17:46is like this. The Chav and Devil Dog.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50Or Lineker's. Or The Rose and Crown.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54And basically it's like, "We will show every sport event going,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57"we will only serve Guinness and Carlsberg,
0:17:57 > 0:18:01"but also we do Sunday roasts every Sunday."
0:18:01 > 0:18:06- In 85-degree heat, not sure we'll be wanting that.- Yes.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11But I tried learning a foreign language. It's impossible.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15So it is nice to have that little home from home.
0:18:15 > 0:18:22It is quite comforting, but if you wanted to spend your week or two weeks with a family from Newcastle
0:18:22 > 0:18:29- or Liverpool or from Wales, you'd stay at home.- We have some pictures of pubs, so people get a sense.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31The first one is in Benidorm.
0:18:31 > 0:18:36Ye Olde Pub. Lovely, lovely furniture.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38And this one from Majorca.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43This is called Trotters On The Beach.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46It's a lovely looking place!
0:18:47 > 0:18:51This is the oddest themed pub I've ever heard of.
0:18:55 > 0:19:01Hitlers' Cross. Nothing very new about that, of course! He often was.
0:19:01 > 0:19:07- Look, that's so disgusting. The apostrophe is after the S. - Exactly!- It should be before!
0:19:11 > 0:19:18OK, well, I'm worried that the shared tables thing suggests a hatred of other people
0:19:18 > 0:19:24more than actual furniture arrangements. I like the idea
0:19:24 > 0:19:30that people who are homesick can go and be among their fellow countrymen and brothers.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35And I'm not sure about the whole wine ritual. I think it's outdated,
0:19:35 > 0:19:41- so I'm going to put waiters who put a little bit of wine in your glass into Room 101.- Thank you very much.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51OK, next category, please.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Yes, it's the Wildcard round so you have no restraints.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02OK, so what's Alex's Wildcard?
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Yeah, it's people who watch the same film over and over again.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13It's a waste of your life.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18OK. Is there no film that you've seen three or four times?
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- There are exceptions to the rule... - Ah!- Ah!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25..in the form of Titanic.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- Hang on! - The longest film ever!
0:20:29 > 0:20:35- That's a big commitment. - I know. Good effort, eh? It was when it came out in the cinema.
0:20:35 > 0:20:42- But I've learned from my mistake since then.- Yes.- This is what I hate about my boyfriend.
0:20:42 > 0:20:48- His favourite film is Shawshank Redemption. - Mm, another long film.- Stupid film.
0:20:48 > 0:20:54- If I was your boyfriend, we could watch Marley and Me every night. - LAUGHTER
0:20:55 > 0:20:59- Mamma Mia. Love it.- Yes. - Dirty Dancing.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- All the greats.- Beaches.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07- Aww!- It makes me cry every time. - Every time!
0:21:07 > 0:21:08Oh...
0:21:09 > 0:21:14- A bar of chocolate.- Lovely. - Get into our onesies.- Yeah.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Popcorn in a bowl. Oh, dream.
0:21:17 > 0:21:24See? I don't want to be sexist, Frank, but I do think this is a trait that comes out more in men.
0:21:24 > 0:21:30- They like seeing things again and again.- And they can quote from films.- Like Star Wars.- Yeah!
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I met a bloke in Wolverhampton who'd seen Star Wars 112 times.
0:21:34 > 0:21:39- For God's sake! - And he still hadn't got through all the reading at the beginning.
0:21:41 > 0:21:48There are films I've seen like 30 or 40 times, but they're not films we could show clips from.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50LAUGHTER
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I think in an age where one in three marriages end in divorce,
0:21:55 > 0:22:00there's something very loyal about someone who watches the same film.
0:22:00 > 0:22:06- I love that.- Is it not more special to watch something new together? - You can watch new films as well,
0:22:06 > 0:22:13- but there's something very comforting about the same old movie. - No! You know you're in a rut then.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17That's what I was saying to Arthur earlier.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Let's have a look at Clive Anderson's Wildcard.
0:22:26 > 0:22:31This is not One Direction. The concept here is
0:22:31 > 0:22:37that you can never go and see anything spontaneously any more. Everybody's booked up in advance.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Just go to see a play or a concert or even getting a railway ticket.
0:22:41 > 0:22:47I think we must all band together because this is all done by people saying, "I'll fit in with this."
0:22:47 > 0:22:53If we all say, "No, we're going to buy on the day. We're all going to turn up on the day to see the film,
0:22:53 > 0:22:59"to get on the train," the prices would have to be adjusted down for OUR convenience,
0:22:59 > 0:23:06not for the convenience of vast mega-corporations who have got us by the throat. Thank you very much.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08APPLAUSE
0:23:10 > 0:23:17I kind of respect the enthusiasm of people who keep an eye out when their favourites are on tour
0:23:17 > 0:23:22and they know when the next Batman movie's opening. I've done that,
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- keep an eye out for the next Batman movie.- What about aeroplanes?
0:23:26 > 0:23:31If you want a cheap airline ticket, you book well in advance.
0:23:31 > 0:23:37That depends on you knowing when you want to go and having a regular lifestyle. Mine isn't.
0:23:37 > 0:23:43- I feel penalised... - What are you? Some kind of reckless rock'n'roll animal?!
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- "I'm off to Florida today! Let's do it!"- Disorganised.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50OK, what is Jack's Wildcard?
0:23:55 > 0:24:01- It is metrosexuals. Overly-preened men...- OK.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05..who take massive amounts of time over their personal appearance.
0:24:05 > 0:24:11Oh, is that what a metrosexual is? I thought it was somebody who got up to dodgy things on the Underground!
0:24:17 > 0:24:22I just don't think... We're tricked into it. They're trying to make it manly.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26You buy moisturiser for men and it's called Face Fuel
0:24:26 > 0:24:30so that we buy it and use it, but I don't want that.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35I want to get to...old age, like yourselves...
0:24:35 > 0:24:40No, I mean and have a face that looks like it's been lived in.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Like I've done some stuff.
0:24:42 > 0:24:49- But you're almost the definition of a metrosexual. You are one! - I don't want to be a metrosexual!
0:24:49 > 0:24:55- You are one!- I know! You sound like my dad now! I don't want that. I want to be a man!
0:24:55 > 0:24:59- I look at my idols, like men...that I look up to. - LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Yeah, but I don't want, like, you know,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Cristiano Ronaldo or David Beckham.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11I want...Ben Fogle. Someone like that. A proper man.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16I think what you need is parenthood. That tends to sort it out.
0:25:16 > 0:25:22Since becoming a parent, my idea of looking smart is only having sick on one shoulder.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Would you ever wear a mankini?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28- Oh, no! - I don't think he's asking you!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30LAUGHTER
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- There we are. There you go. - Yeah. See?
0:25:35 > 0:25:40There's an element of soap on a rope about that, isn't there?
0:25:40 > 0:25:46I don't want to buy a mankini so I just put my arms through the legs in my Y-fronts.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48And it ends up like that.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Your beard, by the way, I would say with all due respect
0:25:54 > 0:25:57is a metrosexual beard, isn't it?
0:25:57 > 0:26:02That could be more shaped. I keep it quite bushy.
0:26:02 > 0:26:07I used to have a beard. I grew a beard because I was too drunk to shave. This was mine.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09LAUGHTER
0:26:10 > 0:26:16If you had a programme called Beard Swap, we could find out how I'd look with a lovely, neat beard
0:26:16 > 0:26:18and how you'd look with mine.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22- #- Beard Swap, Beard Swap
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- #- Look at them changing beards.- #
0:26:29 > 0:26:32You're fired!
0:26:35 > 0:26:39- #- I dreamed a dream of time gone by...- #
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Thank you!
0:26:54 > 0:26:56It looks great!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Can I keep it and go home in it?
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Aaargh! It took the last-remaining real hair with it.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I think, Jack, it's nice that men like Clive
0:27:10 > 0:27:14are looking after themselves a bit more these days.
0:27:21 > 0:27:28- Better, better!- You all right, honey?- But you must use something. What's your morning routine?
0:27:28 > 0:27:32- Don't ask him that! - LAUGHTER
0:27:32 > 0:27:36You've really entered into this. God bless you.
0:27:36 > 0:27:42I don't know what I put on my face. It's hair gel and something else. It's really beginning to sting.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46We need to move on. You could well be blind soon.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- LAUGHTER - So, look...
0:27:48 > 0:27:55I think metrosexuality isn't such a bad thing if it stops men from smelling
0:27:55 > 0:27:59- and being horrible.- Yep!- And... - Yeah, Frank, in your own time(!)
0:27:59 > 0:28:01- Honestly... - LAUGHTER
0:28:01 > 0:28:07I think that booking things in advance is quite an enthusiastic and keen thing
0:28:07 > 0:28:12and although I do watch films over and over, I am going to put
0:28:12 > 0:28:17- Alex's people who watch films over and over again into Room 101. - Thank you!
0:28:25 > 0:28:29OK, that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:29 > 0:28:36Well done, Clive. You were the most persuasive guest tonight so you are this week's winner.
0:28:36 > 0:28:41Thank you very much. I didn't know there was a winner.
0:28:41 > 0:28:47Thanks very much, Jack Whitehall, Clive Anderson and Alex Jones. Thank you. Good night!
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd