0:00:36 > 0:00:40Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44The show where three guests compete to cast their biggest gripes
0:00:44 > 0:00:46deep into the gloomy vault.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Joining me tonight are, from BBC Breakfast, Bill Turnbull,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52actor and comedian Ben Miller and comedian and actor, Jo Brand.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Let's have our first category.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12It's fashion.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14So who should we turn to first? Obviously Bill.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16What is Bill's fashion hate?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:01:32 > 0:01:37- Low-slung jeans.- Hm!- Apparently it's also known as sagging.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Is that right?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Yeah, stems allegedly from the American prison system, where
0:01:42 > 0:01:45they weren't allowed to wear belts, so their trousers drooped a bit,
0:01:45 > 0:01:47and then it was taken over by the rappers
0:01:47 > 0:01:51and hip hop movement about 20 years ago and has since spread to
0:01:51 > 0:01:52everybody else.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56I'm all for people expressing themselves in a fashion way
0:01:56 > 0:02:00if they want to, but this is a step too far.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Or rather, a step too low, as far as I'm concerned,
0:02:03 > 0:02:06cos for me it's just sloppy. And, er,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08one of my sons has started doing it as well.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I just can't stand the idea of him
0:02:10 > 0:02:12slopping around the house with his trousers halfway down.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14It just doesn't work for me.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19We have an example of youth in a pair of these low-slung...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21AUDIENCE: Eurgh!
0:02:21 > 0:02:24You see, you can't walk properly wearing those,
0:02:24 > 0:02:28and then you could do yourself a serious injury as well.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- JO:- But they're gravity-defying, because the guy on the right,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34surely they are just about to fall down.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37No, cos when you're a teenager you've got a natural hook.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- LAUGHTER - Is that right?
0:02:48 > 0:02:53However, they can have some surprising good purposes.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59This is an American gentleman who's decided to rob an off licence.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02And this is CCTV footage.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05He parks the car and he's in his groovy low-slung jeans,
0:03:05 > 0:03:07and goes in - a man on a mission.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:20OK, what is Jo's fashion hate?
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Um, my fashion hate is extraordinarily expensive
0:03:32 > 0:03:34high-heeled designer shoes.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38For so many reasons.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Let's hear a few.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Well, first of all, the ridiculous price they are.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47And expecting anyone that isn't posh to buy a pair,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I think is outrageous.
0:03:49 > 0:03:54If you're talking Manolo Blahniks or Louboutin,
0:03:54 > 0:03:55they come in, you know, up to...
0:03:55 > 0:03:59I think the most expensive pair was 20 grand.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03But, you know, roughly a grand, you know,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06500 to a grand for a pair of shoes.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10I just think it's outrageous. I just want to demonstrate
0:04:10 > 0:04:14as well... I think they're dangerous.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Like, this is me with my sad old working men's boots.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Walking home from the pub, OK?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Behind me is a rather scary looking man.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25I do this.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27OK?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Now, this is a woman in Louboutins walking home from the pub.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Scary man.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It's true, you cannot run in them.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yeah, but you don't need to run,
0:04:41 > 0:04:43cos the men have their trousers round their knees!
0:04:43 > 0:04:44LAUGHTER
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Also, I don't know if you're aware, every year in Moscow,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52they have a high-heels race.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Let's have a look at it.
0:05:04 > 0:05:05LAUGHTER
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- Oh, my God! - Maybe you were right, Jo.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14I just...I couldn't stand to lose...
0:05:14 > 0:05:15HIGH HEELS TAPPING
0:05:17 > 0:05:20It's one of the most feminine sounds, I think.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23That recording you just played, I've heard that before.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25That's Ann Widdecombe walking down the street.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26LAUGHTER
0:05:34 > 0:05:37OK, what is Ben's fashion pet hate?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Frank, I want to put in shoelaces.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I've never been able to tie shoelaces. I don't...
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I don't understand how you do a bow. I've tried it.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00They tried to teach me at school. I think it's an insane system.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04What I love is, Ben is actually telling the truth here, aren't you?
0:06:04 > 0:06:10- Yeah.- I love it.- No, I am. I can't tie shoelaces and, um...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I mean, I know you hold one thing in a little...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15What do you do with that other bit of string?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18You loop that round, you pull that through something... It seems ridiculous.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21And I can't get with it. I could never understand it.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23It seems far too complicated.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27And as a result I've got my own system.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Oh.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It's quite a boring system.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Yes, it's quite... LAUGHTER
0:06:39 > 0:06:41It's not foolproof as a system.
0:06:41 > 0:06:48So you take the one lace like that, loop... Second lace, loop...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50bend like that...bow.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52APPLAUSE
0:06:52 > 0:06:54That's much easier.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56It does come undone immediately,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58so you have to tie it a couple more times like that.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I'll tell you actually one great thing you can do.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05When I was a nurse I used to live with two doctors
0:07:05 > 0:07:07and they were tired a lot of the time
0:07:07 > 0:07:10and they would fall asleep in front of the telly when they got in.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11And so once,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I couldn't resist it, I tied their shoelaces together,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17and it's so brilliant when they get up,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21because you kind of go like that really loudly and they go...
0:07:21 > 0:07:23LAUGHTER
0:07:31 > 0:07:38OK, then. This is a tricky one. I'm loath to put in designer shoes, Jo,
0:07:38 > 0:07:39and I'll tell you why.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Although they are bad for you, they make a lot of women very,
0:07:43 > 0:07:44very happy.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49And I do find them absolutely hilarious, those low-slung jeans,
0:07:49 > 0:07:54but people laughed at us when we dressed in our silly flares
0:07:54 > 0:07:55and all that sort of stuff.
0:07:55 > 0:08:01So I think shoelaces, if you don't really get it, it's a tough thing,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05so I think, yes, it's tricky,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08but I am going to put shoelaces into Room 101.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09APPLAUSE
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Anyway, let's have our next category.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Blimey, it's transport!
0:08:30 > 0:08:34So what is Jo's transport gripe?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43My transport gripe is rude drivers.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46I do all the driving in my family
0:08:46 > 0:08:49because my husband never learned to drive.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50In my opinion.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52LAUGHTER
0:08:54 > 0:08:56The thing that really gets to me,
0:08:56 > 0:08:57when I get most angry
0:08:57 > 0:09:00and when I do fight back is that thing where you...
0:09:00 > 0:09:03there's only enough room for one car
0:09:03 > 0:09:06and there's a car coming towards you, so you pull in
0:09:06 > 0:09:07and let them through.
0:09:07 > 0:09:13And if they don't sort of go, "Thanks," it drives me mental.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15If you thank someone, what do you do?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Do you flash the lights or do you do the little...?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I do the little...like that.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21But I flash the lights at night,
0:09:21 > 0:09:24cos obviously they can't see you going...
0:09:24 > 0:09:25LAUGHTER
0:09:25 > 0:09:29I find that when people are crossing the zebra crossing as well,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33some people will do the nod and some people will do the thumbs-up,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36and some people will just ignore you, so there's a lot of it about.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Do you know what the people are called that ignore you?
0:09:39 > 0:09:40They're called men.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41LAUGHTER
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Jo!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47SOME BOOING
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I stopped for a what looked like a hen party.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51It was about one o'clock in the morning,
0:09:51 > 0:09:56and they all crossed quite slowly across the zebra crossing,
0:09:56 > 0:09:58and then one girl turned and just held her top up.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01She had a bra on and stuff, but...
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It's all right. And, er...
0:10:03 > 0:10:04LAUGHTER
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I think for about three weeks after,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08if anyone on a zebra crossing went...
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I thought, "Is that it?"
0:10:10 > 0:10:12LAUGHTER
0:10:12 > 0:10:14But you wouldn't say, would you,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17that it's just men who are rude drivers?
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Oh, no, not at all.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23You know, I've had a fair number of road rage incidents.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- When you've been the one who's enraged?- Yeah.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29But also I've caused it as well a couple of times.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Oh, yes, indeedy.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32LAUGHTER
0:10:32 > 0:10:36The thing is, I have been chased in the past by other cars. I once...
0:10:36 > 0:10:37LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:43I was coming home from a Labour Party do once
0:10:43 > 0:10:45and I was being followed by this car, so I went
0:10:45 > 0:10:49in and out of these little roads, and it was still following me.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And I thought, "I'm going to do what spies do."
0:10:53 > 0:10:57So I got up to the lights, I indicated left and so did he behind,
0:10:57 > 0:11:02and just as I got to the turn, I swerved right across four lanes
0:11:02 > 0:11:04and went off in that direction.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07and he couldn't chase me because he'd started to go left.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11It was really good fun, but don't do it at home.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14You crossed four lanes of traffic without indicating,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16and you wonder why people are rude to you on the road?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18LAUGHTER
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Well, I'm glad you're not just laying it on men cos I've had
0:11:20 > 0:11:23women scream at me when I've been driving...
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Of course.- I've had to ask them to get out of the car.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26LAUGHTER
0:11:28 > 0:11:32OK, then. So what does Bill not like about the world of transport?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Oh!
0:11:43 > 0:11:44A popular choice.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49It's middle-lane drivers on the motorway.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52What is that about, do you think?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Well, it's about just sitting in that middle lane,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58comfortably going at 60, 55, 70mph,
0:11:58 > 0:12:03with space to either side of you, saying, "I'm safe here.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04"I'm doing up to the speed limit.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06"And if you overtake me, you're breaking the law.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09"So you can just jolly well sit there."
0:12:09 > 0:12:13It's a nice, comfy place to be, it just rather gets in the way.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16I really don't understand what it's about. I was, er...
0:12:16 > 0:12:19when I first learned to drive, a woman -
0:12:19 > 0:12:22it just happened to be a woman - said to me...
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- LAUGHTER - "Have you been on the motorway yet?"
0:12:24 > 0:12:26And I said, "I haven't been on the motorway.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29"I'm a bit nervous about it." She said, "I'll give you a tip.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32"Once you're on, get into the middle lane,
0:12:32 > 0:12:35"and then just stay there until you have to get off.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37"It takes all the decision making out of it.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39"You can just relax and enjoy it."
0:12:39 > 0:12:42- People think it's safer.- Yeah. - But actually...
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I haven't got to worry about changing lanes.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48But if you change lanes, it gives you something to think about on the motorway.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Otherwise you get a bit bored.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I find that really annoying.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56When the cars go constantly from one lane to another.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Are you one of those people who's constantly changing...always
0:12:59 > 0:13:00moving to the inside lane?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02If there's a reasonable space, I get over.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Because that frees up space for other people, like yourself,
0:13:06 > 0:13:07or probably Frank.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Oooh, lads!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11LAUGHTER
0:13:11 > 0:13:12I'll tell you what I do do.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15If there's someone sitting in the middle lane,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I'll do that thing of overtaking on the outside
0:13:17 > 0:13:20and then veering right across them back in the middle lane.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Yeah, I do that. - As an instructional moment.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- This is where you should be. - Making your point.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28And what I've started doing over the last couple of years is,
0:13:28 > 0:13:33as I go across, I hit the windscreen washer, so they get sprayed.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:38 > 0:13:39I'll do the same thing
0:13:39 > 0:13:42if a man's standing alone in the middle of three urinals.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43LAUGHTER
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Or I'll get really close behind him and start flashing.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52LAUGHTER
0:13:52 > 0:13:54They're often not aware you're behind them
0:13:54 > 0:13:56trying to get past either, I don't think.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57To be honest, I reckon most of us
0:13:57 > 0:14:00have done it at some point or another, haven't we?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Sat in... come on, you know you have!
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Definitely not.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Really?- No, I don't think...
0:14:05 > 0:14:10I was with someone who did it once, and, erm...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12and she, er...
0:14:12 > 0:14:14LAUGHTER
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Yay!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19..she didn't seem to notice that there was all these horns blasting.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22It was like being in a presidential motorcade.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Cars both sides of us, lights flashing, horns - I was terrified!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27LAUGHTER
0:14:27 > 0:14:29So, what is Ben's transport hate?
0:14:30 > 0:14:35WHIRRING
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Other pedestrians.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41LAUGHTER
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You see, we've been talking about the roads, haven't we?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46And transport on the roads.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50But there is a much bigger problem, Frank, which is...
0:14:50 > 0:14:52our pavements are...chaos!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:57You cannot walk safely on a pavement.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00People don't know what they're doing. They don't know how to use it.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04You'll be walking along a pavement and somebody will stop immediately in front of you
0:15:04 > 0:15:08for no reason whatsoever and there will be a mass pile-up.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10LAUGHTER
0:15:10 > 0:15:15OR...they will suddenly swerve and look into a shop immediately in front of you,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18that they showed NO interest in whatsoever,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20even, perhaps, five milliseconds before.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Or, suddenly veer from looking at the shops
0:15:22 > 0:15:25straight across the pavement and cross the road.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26AUDIENCE MEMBER: "Yay!"
0:15:26 > 0:15:29GENERAL APPLAUSE
0:15:32 > 0:15:34What we need...
0:15:34 > 0:15:36What we need is some sort of system,
0:15:36 > 0:15:40because what we've got is unworkable.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41LAUGHTER
0:15:41 > 0:15:46What I'm suggesting is a lane system.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48LAUGHTER
0:15:48 > 0:15:54This way we can...start enjoying our lives again frankly.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57APPLAUSE
0:16:02 > 0:16:04I love the idea of people seeing dog excrement
0:16:04 > 0:16:06and having to indicate.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07LAUGHTER
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Pulling into another lane.
0:16:10 > 0:16:16I tell you what, I wear these headphones when I'm out walking.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18And, er... with these...
0:16:18 > 0:16:21LAUGHTER
0:16:21 > 0:16:25If I decide I'm going to turn right...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Or if I have a nervous breakdown.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:38 > 0:16:44I have to say, I walk a lot. I am a very keen pedestrian.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49And I know exactly what... That thing of suddenly stopping.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51What are they doing?! What are they doing?
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Or people will stand talking to a friend in the middle of the busiest...
0:16:55 > 0:16:57In the middle of the pavement.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Which is clearly for fast-moving traffic.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I tell you my idea. Could you stand here, Ben. With your back to me.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05And I'll tell you what... I came up with a theory.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Let's imagine you're standing... Don't look at me!
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Let's imagine that you're standing talking to a friend, right.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Once you've been there, I think, more than five minutes,
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I come in with this.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I won't leave you there. You could be towed away!
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- That'd be perfect.- And I would say thank you, Frank!
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Because you've taught me something.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41You've taught me something about how to behave on a pavement.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Actually, what I think is, we could nominate marshalls.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49The clamping things a great idea, but tasers would also be good.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50LAUGHTER
0:17:50 > 0:17:56- I'd go with tasers.- You simply take them down! Sudden stop? You go down!
0:17:57 > 0:18:04Well, I must say you've all argued your cases incredibly well.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I don't think anybody likes rude drivers,
0:18:06 > 0:18:10but I feel that I am one, to some extent.
0:18:10 > 0:18:16- And I think you are as well, Jo. - All right.- So, we're all guilty.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20And if I put us all in, then that's going to be the show over already.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23People who drive in the mid-lane, I do hate.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27But I also get quite a lot of pleasure from baiting them.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29LAUGHTER
0:18:29 > 0:18:34But, this is such a close round, but I have so, so, strong a feeling
0:18:34 > 0:18:37about pedestrians who don't know how to be pedestrians...
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I am going to put other pedestrians into Room 101.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46APPLAUSE
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Let's have the next category.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Ah, now, this is the Wildcard round.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05So the gloves are off now. There are no limitations.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You can have anything that you don't like in this round.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10So, what's Jo's wildcard?
0:19:10 > 0:19:15WHIRRING
0:19:17 > 0:19:19It's vampire films.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Oh, no...!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23CLAPPING
0:19:25 > 0:19:29The problem with vampire films is they're SO boring.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Because they've got a lot of people being bitten in the neck,
0:19:32 > 0:19:36and you get slightly bored with that after a while,
0:19:36 > 0:19:42and they've kind of skimped on character, plot, atmosphere...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Pretty much anything you can think of.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48This is a difficult one for me, cos you know I love you, Jo,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50but I do love a vampire film.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Well, give me five reasons why you love a vampire film
0:19:54 > 0:19:58and I will accept, that I am not even going to get a point today.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I think it encourages people to read books -
0:20:00 > 0:20:02they often go and read the original book.
0:20:02 > 0:20:06It encourages them to write. OK, on their forearm with a compass, but...
0:20:06 > 0:20:11LAUGHTER
0:20:11 > 0:20:15And there are a lot of people that it is absolutely at the centre of their universe.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17The vampire movie genre.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21We have a woman here - this woman filmed herself watching
0:20:21 > 0:20:27the trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 2 which is one of the Twilight series.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31She filmed herself because she wanted to capture that moment
0:20:31 > 0:20:32when she first saw it.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36And I think this shows to me what love and passion is all about.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Here we go.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Oh, no, pause, nuh-uh!
0:20:42 > 0:20:45I can't... Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I can't.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49Once I've watched it, that's it!
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Once I've watched it,
0:20:52 > 0:20:56I'm never going to be able to watch the trailer again for the first time!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05(Pain...!)
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- Oh, my god, she's just jumped over a- BLEEP- waterfall!
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Oh, now look, now the cat's dead!
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Oh. No.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Oh, my- BLEEP- God! Packs!
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I wouldn't want to be with her when she watches the box set
0:21:23 > 0:21:26if the trailer does that to her.
0:21:26 > 0:21:31What about... This is another woman who has a tattoo of the Twilight people.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33AUDIENCE GROANS
0:21:33 > 0:21:35That's beautiful, isn't it?
0:21:35 > 0:21:41And if you think there's quite a lot of foliage, there's a reason.
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Because originally, it was the presenters from Groundforce.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49LAUGHTER
0:21:51 > 0:21:53So, what is Ben's wildcard?
0:21:53 > 0:21:58WHIRRING
0:21:58 > 0:22:06APPLAUSE
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Can I say, Ben. We use it like a fancy prop,
0:22:09 > 0:22:13but no-one on the team knew what it meant.
0:22:13 > 0:22:19Homeopathy is a type of medicine you can buy over the counter
0:22:19 > 0:22:24in lots of alternative health shops, but some mainstream chemists, as well.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28And, basically, the idea stems from a German scie...
0:22:30 > 0:22:36Well, not scientist, exactly, because he had no qualifications whatsoever.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40A German man, to give him his full title.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41LAUGHTER
0:22:41 > 0:22:44His theory was, if you had an illness,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47whatever the symptoms were of that illness,
0:22:47 > 0:22:52if you took some substance which gave you the same symptoms,
0:22:52 > 0:22:53it would cure you.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56So if you've got a high temperature - say, you've got malaria,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59then take a substance, usually a poison,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01that would give you a high temperature,
0:23:01 > 0:23:03and this would cure you.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06This is something that has no biological connection to
0:23:06 > 0:23:08the illness that you have. So...
0:23:08 > 0:23:12because a lot of the compounds that he wanted to use were poisons
0:23:12 > 0:23:17he decided that diluting something made it stronger -
0:23:17 > 0:23:19stick with it cos it's brilliant -
0:23:19 > 0:23:20LAUGHTER
0:23:20 > 0:23:24..provided you knocked it 10 times on a saddlebag...
0:23:24 > 0:23:28a leather saddlebag, filled with horse hair.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30LAUGHTER
0:23:30 > 0:23:33And yet we all take it - I'm sure there are people here who will swear...
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Is there any one here who has taken homeopathy and swears it works?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- Not any more! - LAUGHTER
0:23:39 > 0:23:41What about cystitis?
0:23:41 > 0:23:42LAUGHTER
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Might as well check while I'm here.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47LAUGHTER
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Take it for cystitis, yeah. There's nothing in it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Nothing in the tablets.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54The pills are just sugar pills,
0:23:54 > 0:23:58and the liquid homeopathic medicine is just water.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01You're just rubbishing the whole of homeopathy?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Yes.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06No. I'm not rubbishing it. It IS rubbish.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11APPLAUSE
0:24:14 > 0:24:17But you are a scientist, Ben, so you're a bit biased.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20What, biased because I like some evidence?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Yeah. That's what I hate about scientists.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25At the claims that a doctor makes.
0:24:25 > 0:24:30Yeah, sorry, I am a bit biased, cos I do like it to actually work.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33But it's not just about standard medicine.
0:24:33 > 0:24:38I don't believe there's just proper medicine and then other stuff is...
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Bee stings cure arthritis, don't they?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44They can be used as a treatment, yes.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I think what happens is you release the bees and everyone goes...
0:24:47 > 0:24:50LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:53"Oh, that actually feels much better!"
0:24:53 > 0:24:57OK. What's Bill's wildcard?
0:24:57 > 0:25:02WHIRRING
0:25:02 > 0:25:07It's dirty, it's noisy, it's dangerous - it's sneezing.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Sneezing.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Yeah. I hate sneezing!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Oh, I see that's "a-tissue". - Yes.- Ah, of course.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I hate sneezing when I sneeze,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I hate sneezing when other people sneeze.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Everything has to stop when you sneeze.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27And I can't sneeze once, I have to sneeze at least three times.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30And one sneeze... OK.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Two sneezes, I get irritated.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Three sneezes, I am furious.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36LAUGHTER
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Just for heaven's sake let's stop the sneezing.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Just get on with our lives.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Well, my dad was a big sneezer. But you did get a warning.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48- You used to do several... - HE GASPS
0:25:48 > 0:25:50My mum would be going, "Cover the food! Cover the food!"
0:25:50 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:52 > 0:25:57I remember I got a job and the bloke who was my boss at the job was,
0:25:57 > 0:26:01I think, one of the first middle class people I ever met.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04And it was the first time I ever heard that middle-class sneeze.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I was talking to him and he said, "Yes, I... Tsh."
0:26:07 > 0:26:12LAUGHTER
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I didn't know what had happened!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17I thought he'd swallowed a chaffinch.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20LAUGHTER
0:26:20 > 0:26:22We've got a...
0:26:22 > 0:26:28a...an information film from the 1950s to tell people all this sort of stuff.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36'You may have met a few people who like doing this sorry of thing.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39'They're a nuisance I agree, but pretty harmless.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42'You have certainly seen clowns like this.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45'They're not a nuisance, they're a real danger.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50'Stop it, you! Stop it! Stop it!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52'Come here, what do you think you're up to?
0:26:52 > 0:26:55'You've probably infected thousands of people already.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57'What do you think this is for?'
0:26:57 > 0:26:59STUDIO LAUGHTER
0:26:59 > 0:27:01SNEEZES LOUDLY
0:27:01 > 0:27:05'Sneeze - handkerchief. Got it? Fine.'
0:27:11 > 0:27:15OK. There goes the Wildcard round.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17And, er...
0:27:17 > 0:27:22I...I don't think...I can put sneezing in.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Because for me, it's something that I find quite exciting.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28I love the anticipation.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31that sort of excitement and suspense I used to get from sex.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34LAUGHTER
0:27:34 > 0:27:39Erm... Oh, this is so difficult. Erm...
0:27:39 > 0:27:44You know, I love vampire films, but the fact is, I have seen them all.
0:27:44 > 0:27:49So, I could just put them in and to hell with everyone else. Erm...
0:27:51 > 0:27:52But I can't put the vampires in.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57It's no good - I'm going to have to put homeopathy into Room 101.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00APPLAUSE
0:28:11 > 0:28:14And that brings up to the end of the show. Well done, Ben.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16You were the most persuasive tonight.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18So you are this week's winner.
0:28:18 > 0:28:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:30So thank you very much. Bill Turnball, Ben Miller and Jo Brand.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33And thank you. Goodnight!
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd