0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43the show where three guests compete to have their biggest bugbears
0:00:43 > 0:00:45banished forever to the dreaded vault.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories
0:00:47 > 0:00:50and each round only one item can be chosen.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Joining me tonight are comedian Miles Jupp,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59presenter Vernon Kay, and TV Dragon Kelly Hoppen.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Right, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:13 > 0:01:19It's people. So, what kind of people wind up Miles Jupp?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27LAUGHTER
0:01:27 > 0:01:32Well, the people that deserve to go in Room 101 are parents
0:01:32 > 0:01:35who allow their children to climb up slides.
0:01:35 > 0:01:41This child is climbing up the slide.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44This is not the way that things are supposed to happen.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47This child, who may or may not be enjoying themselves,
0:01:47 > 0:01:51is ruining this child's life.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I don't know if it's the sort of thing
0:01:53 > 0:01:57George Orwell was concerned about when he came up with the idea,
0:01:57 > 0:02:00but this child belongs in some sort of eternal damnation.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Are you against wheelchair ramps on the same basis?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09LAUGHTER
0:02:11 > 0:02:15No. No, they're clearly a very sensible idea, Frank.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I know you were saying before the programme started, in make-up,
0:02:18 > 0:02:22you were going on about how you thought those people had it too easy.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28You'll remember I tried to talk you down from that position.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Yes. You were indeed the voice of reason.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36If you don't sort of follow the sort of conventions and systems that we
0:02:36 > 0:02:41have in society, you don't really deserve to be part of society.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44We should show what happens, actually,
0:02:44 > 0:02:46when you try to go back up the slide,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49but we're not allowed to show this kind of clash with children,
0:02:49 > 0:02:52so we've had to get some other creatures to stand in for them.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55And there you go.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59But they do try and go back up.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01LAUGHTER
0:03:02 > 0:03:04That's what happens.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07That is why pandas are dying out.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12I used to love climbing up slides.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Right, well, you're a danger and a menace.- Yeah.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19That's all about what kids do, isn't it?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22It's about the kids then having a fight,
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- who's going to get up or who's going to get down.- Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26That's part of life.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29If what you sort of get high on is forcing children to fight,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32I could appreciate this is the sort of thing
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- that you ought to encourage.- No!
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Do you think it's related to the decline in snakes and ladders?
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Because children used to know, up the ladders,
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I mean, that was part of life, but now that's gone...
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Would you dare to tell another person's child not to do it?
0:03:51 > 0:03:52I'm wary, obviously.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56There's this sort of difficult... sort of boundaries, aren't there?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59So if other people sort of tell your children off,
0:03:59 > 0:04:02then you take that as a direct attack on your parenting skills.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Neighbours used to take your football off you...- Yeah.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05..and keep it, you know.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I remember we used to play cricket in the street,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11and if you got a six, it would definitely hit someone's house.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13And then they'd say, "Right, I'm having that.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17"Give me your bat and your ball, and I'll tell your mum as well!"
0:04:17 > 0:04:20"And if it comes over here again, I'll put a knife through it."
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Yeah! - That's what they said about our dog.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24LAUGHTER
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I want to show you a few slides.
0:04:29 > 0:04:34This is a fabulous elephant-themed slide, which...
0:04:34 > 0:04:35LAUGHTER
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It's a sort of a...
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Sort of back to the womb instinct in that child, I think.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Amazing.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49What if they had a plunger and just fired kids into the elephant?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51What about...
0:04:51 > 0:04:55This is one, I think, ideal for the kid who wants to climb up the slide.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02It's a terrible design fault.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Not quite as bad as this one.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13OK, then. What kind of people wind up Kelly?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Ooh, people with weak handshakes.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Oh, that's horrid!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I just think there is nothing worse...
0:05:30 > 0:05:32If somebody is going to come and shake your hand,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34they're coming to shake your hand.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38They come towards you, and literally, it's just weak.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41And what's worse is it's always slightly...
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Moist.- Moist, yeah.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I don't understand the moist thing.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I go to Catholic church on Sundays,
0:05:48 > 0:05:51and we have a bit where we have to shake hands with each other,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55and sometimes you shake hands and it's just sodden with sweat.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57And I look at them, and I'm thinking,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00"Look, you're wearing absorbent clothing.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02"You could have prepped for this."
0:06:02 > 0:06:07If they've got a PVC cat-suit on, OK, but they rarely have.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11You can also get a handshake which is so strong, and people that
0:06:11 > 0:06:15have strong handshakes, they don't let go, and your hand starts
0:06:15 > 0:06:18to lose, you know, feeling in it, which I would rather that than this.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- This, to me...- Really?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Oh, yeah. This is just... You kind of don't know what to say, do you?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27You're just left hanging, and you sort of hang, and you just...
0:06:27 > 0:06:28- You know?- Yeah.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31There's just something really distasteful about it
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and it annoys me.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36But if you're given one, what do you give back?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh, I squeeze it to death!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Wring it.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Do you do the kiss on both cheeks type thing?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Yeah, and sometimes three.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Three cheeks?
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- No, no... - LAUGHTER
0:06:50 > 0:06:53No, because certain countries, like Holland and Belgium,
0:06:53 > 0:06:54- people give three kisses.- Mmm.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Sometimes it gets a bit confusing.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59You don't know whether to go in for the third or not.
0:06:59 > 0:07:05This is Prince Charles and Camilla with the Dalai Lama.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Now, the Dalai Lama is an enthusiastic hand-shaker,
0:07:09 > 0:07:10but just watch this.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Charles is not that keen at the beginning.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Goes in early.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Charles, "No, I don't think I will". But he won't give up.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21He won't give up, the Dalai, he's always got something up his sleeve.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25"Come on. Yes, got you."
0:07:27 > 0:07:29And I'll grab this as well.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31This is two hours later. He hasn't let go.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34LAUGHTER
0:07:34 > 0:07:37As they say, there are three people in this marriage.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41I shook hands with the Queen, for example.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- I bet you... Have you met the Queen?- Yeah.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Yeah. She wears gloves at all times for handshaking.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Well, do you blame her? - No. She burns them after.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I know this for a fact.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52She's got a nice handshake.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54She's got... Yeah, well, I couldn't tell,
0:07:54 > 0:07:58because I wondered if it might be some sort of robot hand.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Apparently, during the swine flu epidemic,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02she wore a falconry gauntlet.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06LAUGHTER
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Not taking any risks at all!
0:08:08 > 0:08:14Sometimes a handshake can go wrong, and then it can be embarrassing.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16This is Gordon Brown with Barack Obama.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Now, his handshake, I imagine... he's very confident.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Gordon Brown, a more difficult character.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Look at him shaking hands with a policeman.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Nice to see you. And Gordon?
0:08:26 > 0:08:27I don't think so.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:34That's harsh, isn't it?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40OK, then, what kind of people wind up Vernon?
0:08:44 > 0:08:48People that drop litter. There you go.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- People who drop litter. - Oh, do my head in.
0:08:50 > 0:08:57I don't understand why people feel the need to drop litter
0:08:57 > 0:08:59and not take it home and find a bin.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03If I was to just turn up in your living room, Frank...
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Yeah.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07..and empty the contents of my kitchen bin in your front room
0:09:07 > 0:09:10- and then leave, you'd be well annoyed.- Mmm.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12So why do people do it on the street?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I know what you mean. People shouldn't throw litter.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18But people like yourself, they do get a bit wound up about it.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Is it such a terrible thing?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Don't you find that litter can sometimes brighten
0:09:22 > 0:09:24an otherwise grey pavement?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I bought myself a... And this is actually my own litter picker.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I bought it off eBay for £4.99.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Can I say that that is not a prop.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Vernon brought that in.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I did, I bought it.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45When we go walking our dog up and down the lane... I live near
0:09:45 > 0:09:49a farm and there's, like, rubbish strewn along the side of the road.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52So I thought, "You know what? While I'm walking my dog I'll clean that up".
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- What about this one? - That's a beauty.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I'm thinking I could do a vent act with this.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58"Where have you been, Charlie?"
0:09:58 > 0:10:01"Oh, I've been down...
0:10:01 > 0:10:05"I've been for a country walk with Vernon Kay."
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- "Lovely." - Does that really pick up rubbish?
0:10:08 > 0:10:09Yeah, it's really to pick up rubbish.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- What did you think it was for? - I don't know. I wasn't sure.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Yeah, it's because my handshake isn't as good as I'd like it to be.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:26You've all argued your case very well.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I don't want to put children who climb slides.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31It's specifically the parents, Frank. I'm not blaming the children.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I realise that, but I'm a parent myself, and to be honest, when
0:10:34 > 0:10:37I'm in a playground, I'm just so keen to say, "I am with this child
0:10:37 > 0:10:43"and I'm not here on my own", that I let him run riot, to be honest.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47And Kelly, I appreciate your point, but I also think
0:10:47 > 0:10:52that sometimes people overdo the... They try to prove a point.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Maybe you're putting a bit too much into it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57However, I'm struggling to argue against litter.
0:10:57 > 0:11:01So I am going to put people who drop litter into Room 101.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Anthony Costa, ladies and gentlemen. - LAUGHTER
0:11:22 > 0:11:25OK, let's have our next category.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Ah, modern life.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36So, what about modern life winds up Kelly Hoppen?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Loo roll covers. I hate them.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48First of all, it's like almost sort of creating a shrine to a loo roll.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I don't know why anybody would want to sort of draw attention to it.
0:11:51 > 0:11:55And she just... I mean, I just think it's the height of kitsch, this.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- I absolutely loathe it. It really annoys me.- Oh, wow.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Yeah.- I remember my grandma had one. It was a flamenco doll.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05I was just going to say, flamenco was a big thing.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08I think she could stand in two upright toilet rolls.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10It was a big flamenco dress.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12I mean, I think the idea is that the toilet roll,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15it has unsavoury associations,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18and so you want the extra toilet roll in there,
0:12:18 > 0:12:21because, you know, it's important to know that there is backup.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24This is what I have in my own...
0:12:24 > 0:12:27There you go! I would much rather that. Much better.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29This is what I call my worst-case scenario.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32LAUGHTER
0:12:35 > 0:12:39I've never got through more than two in one...
0:12:39 > 0:12:42That's perfectly acceptable.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44I think that's just awful.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48If you accept that toilet roll covers are to, sort of,
0:12:48 > 0:12:53hide the toilet roll, what a stupid idea is this one?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56LAUGHTER
0:12:57 > 0:13:02If I went to someone's house, I would use THAT.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05I've got a celebrity toilet roll cover.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09LAUGHTER
0:13:09 > 0:13:11That's evil.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15I don't think she's OFFICIALLY been declared evil.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Can I ask, what do you do in your toilet?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22LAUGHTER
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Tell you what. I hope somebody has just switched on at that moment.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I just have, like, a big, glass dish,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30which is from the floor up, like that,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and it's just full of loo rolls.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34How many have you got in there, would you say?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Probably about eight.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37What are you getting through a week?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40LAUGHTER
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Average week. Two meals in a day.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I used to live alone.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I would be hard pushed to get through a toilet roll
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- every two weeks.- Oh, here we go!
0:13:51 > 0:13:54In fact, if I was hard pushed, I probably wouldn't get through one!
0:13:54 > 0:13:58LAUGHTER
0:13:58 > 0:14:02But my girlfriend moves in and now we get through about five a week.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05She'll say to me - honestly, I've seen her do this -
0:14:05 > 0:14:07she'll stand like this and she'll say,
0:14:07 > 0:14:11"Yeah, I'm just going to have a quick pee."
0:14:11 > 0:14:13A quick pee?!
0:14:13 > 0:14:17So, she'll have about this much on her hand,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20and then she'll say, "Right, I'll just go and have a quick pee."
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I think, "There's no need to use the toilet!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25"You could just pee into your hand!"
0:14:25 > 0:14:29LAUGHTER
0:14:29 > 0:14:34It would be sufficiently absorbent!
0:14:34 > 0:14:35OK, then.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38What doesn't Miles like about the modern world?
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I have a control button here.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47LAUGHTER
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Very good!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53I really have a problem with automated doors,
0:14:53 > 0:14:57particularly this... This is a fine example. Sliding doors.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Not the film. I've got no problem with the film.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01But, I...
0:15:01 > 0:15:03LAUGHTER
0:15:03 > 0:15:07For instance, on trains, you're surrounded by sliding doors.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09They don't even have an industry standard,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11so you get to the end of the carriage and think,
0:15:11 > 0:15:14"Is this one of the ones with a button? No, it's the one with..."
0:15:14 > 0:15:17and you jump around for ages, or there's a concealed thing,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19a button that maybe opens, or it's touch-sensitive,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22or it's a proper button. And then, having got through the door,
0:15:22 > 0:15:25you get to the lavatory. You're bursting to go to the lavatory.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27It takes absolutely ages for the door to open.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30You get in, you think, "Thank goodness me, I'm in the loo.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33You're about to... You think, "I've got to wait for the door to close."
0:15:33 > 0:15:36And that's another six or seven seconds. I think that is the moment
0:15:36 > 0:15:39when most people wet themselves on public transport.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41There is nothing wrong with normal doors.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43These are an abomination.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45They should be consigned to the furnaces of history.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Also, I think, when you make an entrance
0:15:48 > 0:15:50it's great with electric doors, don't you think?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53When you come up and they go swoosh! And you walk in.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- Especially with smoke behind. - Yeah, fantastic.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Whereas a door, you've got to do this,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00and it's cumbersome and everything. That's good for an entrance.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03That's brilliant. I never look at anything and think,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05"Would that be any good for an entrance?"
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I'm all for sort of gadgetry
0:16:08 > 0:16:11that doesn't really achieve anything, or isn't necessary.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Er, why?
0:16:13 > 0:16:17Can I persuade you into automatic things that we don't need?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19What do you imagine that is?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Oh, is it... it's one of those things for measuring flutes.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:28This is an actual commercially available gadget.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32You know when you have to press control-alt-delete?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34LAUGHTER
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Oh, brilliant!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43They are technologies that are working.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I mean, they're successful at what they do.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Sliding doors only create havoc.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50The thing is, if you didn't have automatic doors,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53you wouldn't have had this very, very lovely moment.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57CHUCKLING
0:17:02 > 0:17:04LAUGHTER
0:17:07 > 0:17:09That's so cruel!
0:17:14 > 0:17:18OK. What doesn't Vernon like about modern life?
0:17:23 > 0:17:26The decline of kids' games,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29because now our kids are turning into finger-sweepers.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32You know, they just sit on iPads and phones.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34It's the fact that kids are sitting on their backsides
0:17:34 > 0:17:36and using their fingers to play games,
0:17:36 > 0:17:40instead of getting out on the street and playing hide and seek,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42tig, British bulldog.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44We played a game at school, this is absolutely true,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47called British Bull Snog.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49It would be boys versus girls.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51The girls would line up and we'd be ready
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and they had to run to the other side, and if we caught them,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- we got to snog them. - There you go.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Unfortunately, I was the caretaker.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01I shouldn't really have been...
0:18:01 > 0:18:04LAUGHTER
0:18:04 > 0:18:07No, we did. That was a game we played.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Yeah, there's all kinds.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11We used to play a game called Chainy, where, once again,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13one kid would be "it", and then you'd tig someone else
0:18:13 > 0:18:16and then you'd hold hands, and then you'd run around together
0:18:16 > 0:18:19and try and tig someone else, and then they'd join the chain,
0:18:19 > 0:18:22and then the chain would end when everyone kind of trapped
0:18:22 > 0:18:25the last kid in the corner of the playground, and then, you know...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28I played that for four and a half hours with the Dalai Lama.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30LAUGHTER
0:18:33 > 0:18:36So, you generally think it's better to do the real thing
0:18:36 > 0:18:38than to do some sort of Internet version of it?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Yeah, because, you know, you've got all them arguments
0:18:41 > 0:18:43about our kids getting fat and, "Oh, obesity is rife."
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Yeah, because they're sat on the sofa just doing this.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48You don't burn many calories whilst you're sweeping,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50playing Fruit Ninja. You know what I mean?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Go and get your dad's axe out of the garage.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Throw some apples up and try and slice them in half.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57You know, that's REAL Fruit Ninja!
0:18:57 > 0:19:02And remember, children, please don't try that at home.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I wonder if it is health and safety
0:19:04 > 0:19:06that's put a stop to some of these kids' games.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- It must be!- Do you remember the compass game?
0:19:08 > 0:19:12You used to get a compass and hold your hand like that.
0:19:12 > 0:19:17It was like self-harming, but with an element of chance!
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- Yeah. My brother used to play that. - You couldn't do that now!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I agree. Board games. Fantastic.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Board games. But you can get them on your tablet now.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Board games don't keep you very fit, do they?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31No, but they bring children together, you know.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33We used to play Monopoly. We used to play forever.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38In Monopoly, it's a game where you learn to cheat the bank, you know.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Surely that's a skill everyone should be learning these days!
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- Yes.- Well, even bullying now is all done on the Internet.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48At least when you were being bullied,
0:19:48 > 0:19:50you used to get a bit of fresh air!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Do kids still pretend to be people?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Like when we were at school, you know,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- we'd be Doctor Who one week and then the Saint.- Yeah, yeah.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01We had an incident at our house
0:20:01 > 0:20:05that involved, er, the police coming round,
0:20:05 > 0:20:09and me cleaning another man's blood off my patio.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Um ...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12What were you playing? Brookside?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:18What happened was there was a dramatic incident
0:20:18 > 0:20:20at our house, in our garden.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Two police ladies came and they were sort of taking statements,
0:20:23 > 0:20:26and then my oldest son suddenly appeared at the door
0:20:26 > 0:20:28and sort of coughed, and we all turned round,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30and he'd gone and dressed as a policeman.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33He'd got this great helmet, and he goes,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36"If you hit the top of my helmet, there's a siren".
0:20:38 > 0:20:42You have to have some things that kids do on the Internet
0:20:42 > 0:20:45that they don't do in the real world. I think that's acceptable.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48I could imagine you at your house saying,
0:20:48 > 0:20:50"Never mind playing Grand Theft Auto!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52"Go joyriding! Go on!"
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Go on, have that.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00So, anyway, I don't feel I can accept automatic doors,
0:21:00 > 0:21:02because I love any bit of...
0:21:02 > 0:21:05anything that makes me feel like I'm living in the 21st century.
0:21:05 > 0:21:10I think toilet roll covers are quite a nice thing,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13because toilet rolls are fine, but you can't get round the fact
0:21:13 > 0:21:17that they get involved in some pretty unpleasant activities,
0:21:17 > 0:21:22and I'd rather that was just, you know, kept undercover.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25So, I am going to put
0:21:25 > 0:21:27modern children's games into Room 101.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Yeah!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33APPLAUSE
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Next category, please.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50OK, it's the wildcard round, so there are no restraints.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52You can pick ANYTHING that you don't like.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56So, what is Kelly's wildcard?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02My pet hate is tradesmen,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05so you're ringing up to have Sky come round, BT, a plumber,
0:22:05 > 0:22:08an electrician, and they give you a date,
0:22:08 > 0:22:10and they say they'll come between 9am and 6pm.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12They turn up at 5.50pm
0:22:12 > 0:22:15and then they don't have the parts to fix your...whatever it is.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Yeah. That's a good one.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23We all work. We're all busy. Why can they not say to you,
0:22:23 > 0:22:26"I'll either call you an hour before I'm going to get to your home",
0:22:26 > 0:22:28so it gives you time to leave and get back?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30And most of the time you tell them kind of what's wrong.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33You'd think they would have a van full of what they need,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35not that they have to go and order it,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38then you have to wait another three weeks for somebody to turn up.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40It's just ... that is not the 20th century.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42No.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- It's the 21st century. - Sorry, the 21st!
0:22:45 > 0:22:48APPLAUSE
0:22:48 > 0:22:49I am dyslexic.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53That's the trouble. That's why they don't deliver on time.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57You live in a time vortex.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58I love it.
0:22:58 > 0:23:03I've got some pictures of tradesmen, sort of, building...
0:23:03 > 0:23:08I don't want to call them mistakes, but let's say, unsatisfactory jobs.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11The first one I like to call the trapped fridge.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15LAUGHTER
0:23:15 > 0:23:19That was actually fitted in someone's kitchen.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22That is awesome.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25The next one, I think, in a strange way, is very inventive.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29LAUGHTER
0:23:33 > 0:23:37And when the door is shut, you can hand the toilet roll through.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- There you go.- Perfect!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42OK, what is Vernon's wildcard?
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Three-quarter length shorts.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54What is the point?
0:23:54 > 0:23:56You go on holiday
0:23:56 > 0:23:58and you wear a short
0:23:58 > 0:24:02that tans your lower calf.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06And the majority of three-quarter length shorts
0:24:06 > 0:24:10have elasticated bottoms to stop the water from going up your leg,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13should you choose to go for a walk in the sea.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I just do not understand.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20It's often sort of British lads abroad, isn't it?
0:24:20 > 0:24:26Often more used to stop the water coming down your leg.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Yes.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31I mean, I've been to a lot of overseas games with England,
0:24:31 > 0:24:36and you see a lot of England fans with those slip-on white trainers
0:24:36 > 0:24:39and the three-quarter length shorts.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43I think these people only wear long trousers for court appearances.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47We've got a picture of some of these shorts.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50There you go. Look at that.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52That was, er, that was my stag do.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Now, you famously wore shorts, didn't you, on Splash?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Look at that. Now, that's a man's short!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I got a lot of grief for wearing shorts.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Well, it's very unusual to see a presenter wearing shorts.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That's why I got a lot of grief.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10At least I didn't wear THEM bad boys! I'd look like a right buffoon.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12In fairness, you don't see the espadrille enough, do you,
0:25:12 > 0:25:17on light early evening entertainment formats.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24OK. So what is Miles's wildcard?
0:25:28 > 0:25:33I really don't like loud noises.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I'm quite a jumpy person.
0:25:35 > 0:25:40I'm not...you know, I'm not as brave as I initially appear.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44You must be that brave, at least!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I think the vast majority of noises
0:25:49 > 0:25:52are either far too quiet or far too noisy.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I went to see the doctor.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I said, "There is something wrong with my ears",
0:25:57 > 0:26:00and what happened was I had the whole hearing test
0:26:00 > 0:26:01and the lady sat me down afterwards.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04She goes, "Right, I've got the results.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07"You have completely normal hearing.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12"What I think you have is above average irritability."
0:26:12 > 0:26:16LAUGHTER
0:26:16 > 0:26:20There should basically be a decibel limit on any sort of new invention.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I mean, those Dyson Airblades, is that what...
0:26:22 > 0:26:24they are absolutely deafening!
0:26:24 > 0:26:25The hand drier?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I would happily stand in, not for, like, a whole day,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31but I would happily just let people silently dry their hands
0:26:31 > 0:26:37on my trousers, rather than inflict that on anyone.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- It's an appalling noise. - I think you're somewhat grumpy.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Sometimes loud noises can be very comedic, you know,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53like when you surprise somebody.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55For example, this is a bit from the Internet,
0:26:55 > 0:26:59and this girl's dad is doing the washing-up for a change,
0:26:59 > 0:27:03so she thought she'd surprise him with a bit of a loud noise.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06GIRL SCREAMS
0:27:06 > 0:27:09LAUGHTER
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You have to, er...
0:27:15 > 0:27:19you have to be a BIT careful when you're going to do that.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23We have to see that again, don't we?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25GIRL SCREAMS
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Oh, that's so awful!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38OK. Well, look,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40although I'm very frightened of the people
0:27:40 > 0:27:42who wear those three-quarter length shorts,
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I don't feel I can put them in,
0:27:44 > 0:27:48otherwise there'd be nine people at the next England away game.
0:27:48 > 0:27:49True. All right.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52And I agree that loud noises can be a real pain,
0:27:52 > 0:27:56but some of them are also quite exciting,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58and they can get people hit with trays,
0:27:58 > 0:28:03so that's... I wouldn't like to have missed out on that.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06But I have to say, Kelly, you're quite right,
0:28:06 > 0:28:07things are getting worse and worse
0:28:07 > 0:28:10on the tradesmen-coming-to-your-house front.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14So, I am going to put tradesmen in the home into Room 101.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17APPLAUSE
0:28:27 > 0:28:29And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Well done, Vernon, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:28:32 > 0:28:34so you are this week's winner.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:41 > 0:28:44Thanks very much to Miles Jupp, Vernon Kay and Kelly Hoppen,
0:28:44 > 0:28:46and thank you, goodnight!