Episode 5

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0:00:27 > 0:00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:00:33 > 0:00:37Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,

0:00:37 > 0:00:39the show where three guests compete

0:00:39 > 0:00:42to get their pet hates exiled forever

0:00:42 > 0:00:44to the dark vault that is Room 101.

0:00:44 > 0:00:47Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories

0:00:47 > 0:00:50and in each round only one item can be chosen.

0:00:50 > 0:00:52The final decision is mine.

0:00:52 > 0:00:54So let's meet this week's guests.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57Joining me tonight are comedian Josh Widdicombe, DJ Sara Cox

0:00:57 > 0:00:59and singer turned broadcaster Aled Jones.

0:00:59 > 0:01:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:01:07 > 0:01:09Right, then. Well, let's have our first category.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15It's the wild card.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17So in this round there are no restraints.

0:01:17 > 0:01:19You can pick anything at all that winds you up.

0:01:19 > 0:01:22So, what is Sara's wild card?

0:01:27 > 0:01:30It's the eyelashes on car headlights.

0:01:30 > 0:01:34- APPLAUSE - Thank you.

0:01:34 > 0:01:35Thank you.

0:01:36 > 0:01:40Thank you for your support during this very difficult time.

0:01:40 > 0:01:44So, I think that humans have eyebrows and eyelashes

0:01:44 > 0:01:47to possibly stop sweat going in their eyes.

0:01:47 > 0:01:49So, what, you think you've got a sweaty car?

0:01:49 > 0:01:54Or are you trying to accentuate the car's "eyes"?

0:01:54 > 0:01:57Why have you got so much time on your hands

0:01:57 > 0:02:00that you can be bothered to stick stupid eyelashes on your car?

0:02:00 > 0:02:03Why do you want your car to look like Amy Childs?

0:02:03 > 0:02:04I don't get it.

0:02:04 > 0:02:06Well, actually, my car is customised

0:02:06 > 0:02:09in a more middle-aged man kind of a way.

0:02:09 > 0:02:10This is my car.

0:02:10 > 0:02:13LAUGHTER

0:02:16 > 0:02:18It just looks like you've hit a badger.

0:02:20 > 0:02:22Yeah, just trapped in the wheel arch.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25I've been going up the kerb, trying to get it out.

0:02:25 > 0:02:27Hate it when that happens.

0:02:27 > 0:02:30I also think that maybe women drivers, you know,

0:02:30 > 0:02:34still get a little bit of stick. Like, "Oh, women drivers."

0:02:34 > 0:02:36And if you've put eyelashes on your car,

0:02:36 > 0:02:39you're not really helping your cause to get respect on the road.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Let's have a look. In case any of you think,

0:02:42 > 0:02:44"I've never seen eyelashes on a car,"

0:02:44 > 0:02:48this is an advert for eyelashes on cars.

0:02:48 > 0:02:50'Has your car ever winked at you?

0:02:50 > 0:02:53'Carlashes - the latest automotive accessory for women.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56'Flexible plastic lashes you attach above your headlights.

0:02:56 > 0:02:59'With Carlashes on your car,

0:02:59 > 0:03:02'expect smiles to follow you everywhere you go.

0:03:02 > 0:03:05'Finish off your Carlashes with a dazzling second accessory -

0:03:05 > 0:03:08'diamond crystal eyeliner,

0:03:08 > 0:03:10'rows of twinkling diamond crystals

0:03:10 > 0:03:11'that throw rainbows in the sun.'

0:03:11 > 0:03:14APPLAUSE

0:03:16 > 0:03:19- I feel that was the perfect campaign video...- Yeah!

0:03:19 > 0:03:21..for me to get those into Room 101,

0:03:21 > 0:03:22especially with the voiceover.

0:03:22 > 0:03:26Well, I felt the audience here had been quite anti-eyelashes on cars.

0:03:26 > 0:03:29When they saw the diamante eyeliner,

0:03:29 > 0:03:31- a few people went, "Oh, hold on." - "Ooh, yeah."

0:03:31 > 0:03:33I'd have thought the main problem of lashes on the car

0:03:33 > 0:03:36is you have to keep one of these in the toolkit.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER

0:03:42 > 0:03:46Oh, that is the best prop I've ever seen in my life.

0:03:46 > 0:03:47Are you old enough to remember

0:03:47 > 0:03:50when they used to have those sun strips on their cars,

0:03:50 > 0:03:52- with the bloke's name and the girl's name?- Yeah, yeah.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Yeah. But what'd happen when you spilt up?

0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Were you allowed to detach her name and put on a new name?- I think...

0:03:57 > 0:03:59- You had to take it off... - You just wound it round, like that -

0:03:59 > 0:04:01- like a bus.- Like a bus!

0:04:04 > 0:04:07OK, then. Well, what is Josh's wild card?

0:04:11 > 0:04:15Yeah, this is Lord Of The Rings.

0:04:15 > 0:04:17BOOING AND HISSING

0:04:17 > 0:04:20- SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE - Oh!

0:04:20 > 0:04:23- I didn't realise it was such a controversial choice.- Well,

0:04:23 > 0:04:25I think a lot of people have a great deal of love

0:04:25 > 0:04:28- for Lord of the Rings. - Well, firstly,

0:04:28 > 0:04:30it's not particularly realistic.

0:04:30 > 0:04:33LAUGHTER

0:04:33 > 0:04:36- Yeah.- If it's a book about Russia, I struggle to identify with it.

0:04:36 > 0:04:39If it's a book about a fictional place

0:04:39 > 0:04:44with people with furry feet and trees that live,

0:04:44 > 0:04:47that...that's not going to happen!

0:04:47 > 0:04:49And if you're going to do fantasy,

0:04:49 > 0:04:51make the story more interesting than a man finding a ring.

0:04:53 > 0:04:55I mean, that is barely an anecdote, at best.

0:04:56 > 0:04:59This might be a deep-seated issue with Lord Of The Rings,

0:04:59 > 0:05:03but I, against my better judgment,

0:05:03 > 0:05:06three years ago auditioned

0:05:06 > 0:05:08for the lead role in The Hobbit.

0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Ah.- So that might be why...

0:05:11 > 0:05:14- You didn't get it, did you? - No. Cheers, Aled(!)

0:05:14 > 0:05:16I have to ask this. Were you on the short list?

0:05:16 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER

0:05:18 > 0:05:20So has this made you bitter, then?

0:05:20 > 0:05:23No, I hated it beforehand, but now it's got personal.

0:05:23 > 0:05:27Is there any part of you, Josh, and maybe I'm owning up a bit here,

0:05:27 > 0:05:30that thinks there could be things like elves?

0:05:30 > 0:05:33- No, Frank.- OK.

0:05:33 > 0:05:35I still think if I walked in the countryside

0:05:35 > 0:05:37at three o'clock in the morning on a summer's night

0:05:37 > 0:05:39and there was a bit of dew on the grass,

0:05:39 > 0:05:41I might see a tiny figure moving...

0:05:41 > 0:05:44That sounds like the kind of excuse a Tory MP would make.

0:05:44 > 0:05:46LAUGHTER

0:05:48 > 0:05:50"I was looking for elves, Officer."

0:05:51 > 0:05:55So, what is Aled's wild card?

0:06:02 > 0:06:04I know you thought it would be The Snowman,

0:06:04 > 0:06:07but it's actually fish bones.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09APPLAUSE

0:06:10 > 0:06:12You faff around, don't you?

0:06:12 > 0:06:14You know, you get a fish and you think to yourself,

0:06:14 > 0:06:16"Oh, God, here we go."

0:06:16 > 0:06:19And you get a tiny bit of meat at the end of it,

0:06:19 > 0:06:21and every mouthful is...

0:06:21 > 0:06:23well, it could be death.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25LAUGHTER

0:06:25 > 0:06:28Yeah, it's hard work. I mean, I'll give...

0:06:28 > 0:06:30- What's the point? - I will give you that.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32Well, I think they're to hold the fish together.

0:06:35 > 0:06:38How are you with anchovies?

0:06:38 > 0:06:40Because of course, they have - anchovies, whitebait -

0:06:40 > 0:06:43they have the bones but you just eat the lot.

0:06:43 > 0:06:45- How are you with that? - No, I can't stand anchovies.- Really?

0:06:45 > 0:06:47It's the worst food in the world. What's the point?

0:06:47 > 0:06:49Just put more salt on it.

0:06:49 > 0:06:51I like the fact that you don't have to...

0:06:51 > 0:06:53- you just eat the whole thing.- Yeah.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55It's like, you know in Jurassic Park

0:06:55 > 0:06:59- when the Tyrannosaurus Rex eats that goat?- Yeah.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01- It just crunches the whole thing up. - Yeah.

0:07:01 > 0:07:02It's like that.

0:07:02 > 0:07:06- If there was a dinosaur version of Room 101...- Yeah.

0:07:06 > 0:07:08..would they be putting in goat's bones?

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Yeah, exactly.

0:07:10 > 0:07:11They'd be saying,

0:07:11 > 0:07:13"Yeah, what's the point? And the horns!"

0:07:13 > 0:07:15- "I just want a bit of goat."- Yeah.

0:07:15 > 0:07:17"If I hadn't have eaten that horn, I'd still be around."

0:07:19 > 0:07:22"As it is, we're completely extinct."

0:07:23 > 0:07:24And also the T Rex'd be saying,

0:07:24 > 0:07:26"I can't even reach the plate."

0:07:28 > 0:07:30"I find that annoying."

0:07:30 > 0:07:34LAUGHTER

0:07:34 > 0:07:37OK. Well, I tell you what I think you need.

0:07:37 > 0:07:39- What's that? - You need a Wunder Boner.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41Oh.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER

0:07:43 > 0:07:47'OK, who wants to clean and debone him?'

0:07:47 > 0:07:48I'll do it!

0:07:48 > 0:07:50What gives?! You want to do it?!

0:07:50 > 0:07:53Just wait till you see what I've got.

0:07:53 > 0:07:55It's the Wunder Boner.

0:07:55 > 0:07:58- THEY LAUGH - The Wunder Boner?!

0:07:58 > 0:08:01Oh, you laugh now. Just watch.

0:08:01 > 0:08:04You just assemble the Wunder Boner's stainless steel rods, like this.

0:08:04 > 0:08:07You take the fish, you find the top of the spine

0:08:07 > 0:08:11and you slide him through the ring on the Wunder Boner. And...!

0:08:11 > 0:08:13THE AUDIENCE GROANS

0:08:13 > 0:08:15..voila!

0:08:15 > 0:08:16The Wunder Boner!

0:08:16 > 0:08:18My wife would like that!

0:08:18 > 0:08:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:08:27 > 0:08:29So we've come to the end of that round.

0:08:29 > 0:08:34I don't feel I can put eyelashes on cars...

0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Oh, come on, Frank. Please. - ..because I think it is fun

0:08:36 > 0:08:40and I think there's so much road rage and unpleasantness.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42And I'm not going to put in Lord of the Rings...

0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Oh, why not? - ..because I love a bit of fantasy.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Oh!- I love dragons and wizards and all that side of stuff.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50- I am terribly sorry. - APPLAUSE

0:08:50 > 0:08:52But I have to say,

0:08:52 > 0:08:56if there's one thing that makes a meal into a chore,

0:08:56 > 0:08:57it is the bones in fish.

0:08:57 > 0:09:00So I am going to put the bones in fish into Room 101.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:09:14 > 0:09:15Next category, please.

0:09:21 > 0:09:22Nature!

0:09:22 > 0:09:26OK then, what winds up Sara about nature?

0:09:31 > 0:09:34- Dill. - LAUGHTER

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Oh, I can smell it. It's disgusting.

0:09:36 > 0:09:41It ruins everything that its filthy little green fronds finger.

0:09:41 > 0:09:44And I just can't bear it.

0:09:44 > 0:09:47And it just has ruined so many meals out when...

0:09:47 > 0:09:49It's never listed on the menu.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52Some chefs just casually chuck it into a dish

0:09:52 > 0:09:54and I can just sense it.

0:09:54 > 0:09:58I'm like, sort of, a specialised bloodhound

0:09:58 > 0:10:00who's just really good at herbs.

0:10:00 > 0:10:03If you were to go through the gates of hell,

0:10:03 > 0:10:07in Beelzebub's herb garden would be dill,

0:10:07 > 0:10:09and I detest it.

0:10:09 > 0:10:11- And please put it in Room 101. - Wow!- Wow.

0:10:11 > 0:10:15- I've got a friend who's like this about chives.- Mm.

0:10:15 > 0:10:17And I've been to restaurants with her

0:10:17 > 0:10:19and she'll say things like, "I'll have beans on toast, please.

0:10:19 > 0:10:21"No chives."

0:10:21 > 0:10:23LAUGHTER

0:10:23 > 0:10:27I would say this, that I appreciate that you don't like it.

0:10:27 > 0:10:29You've made that extremely clear.

0:10:29 > 0:10:33I used to hate olives, really hate them.

0:10:33 > 0:10:34But what I decided to do,

0:10:34 > 0:10:37because I don't like the idea of a food that I can't eat,

0:10:37 > 0:10:41is every 12 months or so, I'd have another crack at olives,

0:10:41 > 0:10:43- to see if I liked them.- Mm.

0:10:43 > 0:10:45And after about four or five years of that,

0:10:45 > 0:10:48I tried them one year and thought, "Actually, they're all right."

0:10:48 > 0:10:50And now I eat them all the time.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52So I think it's worth going back and giving it a go.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55I don't know how many more chances I'm going to give Robert Mugabe.

0:10:55 > 0:10:58LAUGHTER

0:10:58 > 0:11:00No, but I mean, anything that you don't like,

0:11:00 > 0:11:01I think it's worth having another...

0:11:01 > 0:11:05No, it's never going to be a relationship that will form, here.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07It's...I'm sorry, it is you.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09It's not me. You're horrible.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'm talking to it now. I hate it.

0:11:11 > 0:11:13And actually, can I move it away from me?

0:11:13 > 0:11:16Yeah, course. Oh, no, away!

0:11:16 > 0:11:18I'll have it over here for this bit. Thank you, Aled.

0:11:18 > 0:11:21You would think that this may be an issue with a show

0:11:21 > 0:11:23where people talk about the things they hate the most,

0:11:23 > 0:11:26- that then you've decided to put them next to them.- Yes.

0:11:26 > 0:11:29- Is this all right, like this? - It looks nice.- Yes.

0:11:29 > 0:11:31I don't want people switching on and thinking,

0:11:31 > 0:11:34"Oh, Frank Skinner's doing a double act with Paloma Faith."

0:11:34 > 0:11:38LAUGHTER

0:11:38 > 0:11:41OK, what doesn't Aled like about nature?

0:11:46 > 0:11:48Hold it, hold it. You'll love this.

0:11:48 > 0:11:49Oh, Jesus!

0:11:55 > 0:11:57I mean, after the dill incident,

0:11:57 > 0:12:00- that was very irresponsible indeed, wasn't it?- I know.

0:12:00 > 0:12:03- This is deep-rooted, isn't it? Can you tell?- Yes.

0:12:03 > 0:12:05It's a scorpion.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07Basically, when I was singing as a kid,

0:12:07 > 0:12:10I was in Israel and I was singing On The Little Road To Bethlehem,

0:12:10 > 0:12:12singing The Little Road To Bethlehem,

0:12:12 > 0:12:13and the director said,

0:12:13 > 0:12:16"Sit on that rock and we'll film you."

0:12:16 > 0:12:17And so I went to sit on the rock

0:12:17 > 0:12:19and the Israeli floor manager said to me,

0:12:19 > 0:12:22"Be careful where you sit, cos there's loads of scorpions here

0:12:22 > 0:12:24"that'll kill you".

0:12:26 > 0:12:30So, I'm 11, supposedly singing a nice little carol

0:12:30 > 0:12:32about Jesus and the like,

0:12:32 > 0:12:34thinking any minute I'm going to die.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38So if you spool forward about four years,

0:12:38 > 0:12:40my dad thought it was really funny

0:12:40 > 0:12:44- to hold my hand above quite a few scorpions in a zoo.- Oh.

0:12:44 > 0:12:47If social services are watching,

0:12:47 > 0:12:50they live in Llandegla in North Wales, by the way.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52- They'll never find that.- No.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:12:57 > 0:13:00- So then you spool forward again... - Yeah.

0:13:00 > 0:13:02..and I've got two kids.

0:13:02 > 0:13:04And we were abroad and they were at an age

0:13:04 > 0:13:06where they have plastic toys, you know,

0:13:06 > 0:13:08little bugs and stuff like that.

0:13:08 > 0:13:12And I went to pick up what I thought was a black rubber scorpion

0:13:12 > 0:13:15- and that tail went up...- Oh!

0:13:15 > 0:13:18..and honestly, it was one of the worst moments of my life.

0:13:18 > 0:13:20It was worse than my voice breaking.

0:13:20 > 0:13:22- LAUGHTER - Oh, no.

0:13:22 > 0:13:24It was. What's the point of them?

0:13:24 > 0:13:26You can't take them for a walk.

0:13:27 > 0:13:29- Don't do it again.- I won't!

0:13:29 > 0:13:30I can see it in your evil eyes.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32- I thought you were going to do it. - No, no.

0:13:32 > 0:13:36You can't cuddle them and they can kill you.

0:13:36 > 0:13:37Yeah.

0:13:37 > 0:13:40Well, yes, you argue that well enough.

0:13:40 > 0:13:42In order to empathise with the scorpion,

0:13:42 > 0:13:44- I bought one of these.- Oh, God.

0:13:52 > 0:13:55Living your life like this must be pretty tough.

0:13:55 > 0:13:57You just look like a weird squirrel.

0:13:59 > 0:14:01But the thing is, when you put it on you realise this...

0:14:01 > 0:14:04is that you sort of... it's constantly...

0:14:04 > 0:14:06- You're almost stinging yourself, aren't you?- Yeah, exactly.

0:14:06 > 0:14:08You must think, "What's that?"

0:14:08 > 0:14:09"Ow!"

0:14:10 > 0:14:13Or, "I'll just lie back, have a bit of a... Argh!"

0:14:13 > 0:14:15- Life must be like that.- Good.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18I'm going to take this off now cos it's driving me crazy.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20- I don't know how they cope. - It's why they're in bad moods, isn't it?

0:14:20 > 0:14:23- Because they've got that sting just hanging over.- Constantly there.

0:14:23 > 0:14:27OK. What aspect of nature winds up Josh?

0:14:30 > 0:14:31I'm quite scared now.

0:14:31 > 0:14:35LAUGHTER

0:14:35 > 0:14:39It's the only thing more controversial than Lord Of The Rings.

0:14:39 > 0:14:43This is the home of nature and the great outdoors

0:14:43 > 0:14:45- and it is Devon.- OK.

0:14:45 > 0:14:49- Which is where I am from, so this is OK.- Right.

0:14:49 > 0:14:52I think Devon's all right if you're not from Devon,

0:14:52 > 0:14:56because you don't have to have spent your childhood in Devon.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58To give you an idea of what it's like,

0:14:58 > 0:15:00my parents have got dial-up internet.

0:15:00 > 0:15:02LAUGHTER

0:15:02 > 0:15:05- What even is that? - It's like the Third World, Frank.

0:15:07 > 0:15:10Now, I don't want to come across as a city slicker here

0:15:10 > 0:15:12but I can make a phone call

0:15:12 > 0:15:14and go on the internet at the same time, in my house.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20That's amazing. It's like James Bond.

0:15:22 > 0:15:25And do you know how many children there were

0:15:25 > 0:15:26in my year at primary school?

0:15:26 > 0:15:27Four.

0:15:29 > 0:15:30Two boys, two girls.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32Four children in your year?

0:15:32 > 0:15:34Yeah, including me.

0:15:35 > 0:15:37You should have done so much better in life, shouldn't you?

0:15:40 > 0:15:42You had, like, private schooling.

0:15:42 > 0:15:45If someone had said to me when I was 11

0:15:45 > 0:15:46I'd get to meet Aled Jones

0:15:46 > 0:15:48and he'd tell me my life wasn't going very well...

0:15:48 > 0:15:51LAUGHTER

0:15:51 > 0:15:53..I'd have snapped their hand off!

0:15:54 > 0:15:59There's a kind of rivalry, as well, between Devon and Cornwall.

0:15:59 > 0:16:01over little things. Where you go...

0:16:01 > 0:16:03For instance, I don't know,

0:16:03 > 0:16:05if you were to have a cream tea, Frank...

0:16:05 > 0:16:06Oh, it just so happens!

0:16:07 > 0:16:11Now, which one of those would you choose?

0:16:11 > 0:16:15- Cos one is cream over jam...- Oh. - ..and one is jam over cream.

0:16:15 > 0:16:18- One is a Devon scone and one... - One is Devon,

0:16:18 > 0:16:21and the other is completely disgusting and wrong.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Yeah.- I like jam first and then cream on top.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Correct decision, Sara Cox. - Oh, really?

0:16:27 > 0:16:29- No, but that's Cornwall. - That's Cornwall.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31No! Jam on below, cream on the top - that's Devon.

0:16:31 > 0:16:34- No. Devon is...- No, that's Cornwall. - Devon is definitely the cream on...

0:16:34 > 0:16:37LAUGHTER

0:16:37 > 0:16:39So the Cornish are right.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42I was...I was....

0:16:42 > 0:16:44- This place!- I'm confused. Shouldn't you know?

0:16:44 > 0:16:47- To tell you how bad this place is, it's worse than Cornwall.- Yes.

0:16:49 > 0:16:51This gives me the shudders, I'll tell you why.

0:16:51 > 0:16:53Something happened to me.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55I was at a cricket match, right,

0:16:55 > 0:17:01and I was with the wife of quite a high-ranking cricket administrator.

0:17:01 > 0:17:03I won't say who.

0:17:03 > 0:17:05And she was a sort of... How can I put it?

0:17:05 > 0:17:08She was a sort of full-figured woman

0:17:08 > 0:17:11and they started bringing out the cream teas, and I said,

0:17:11 > 0:17:16because she was the wife of a cricket administrator,

0:17:16 > 0:17:19- I said, "I'll bet you've had a few cream teas in your time!"- Oh!

0:17:22 > 0:17:24Oh!

0:17:24 > 0:17:26Oh, dear.

0:17:26 > 0:17:31I meant because her husband was a cricket administrator.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34And I tried to explain that in a sort of a, you know...

0:17:34 > 0:17:36People, when they're crying, they don't listen.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39LAUGHTER

0:17:39 > 0:17:42Aled, I hate to ask this of you, but you wouldn't be so good

0:17:42 > 0:17:45as to put the dill back onto Sara's platform, would you?

0:17:45 > 0:17:47- Yeah. Of course, Frank. - Thank you so much.

0:17:47 > 0:17:49I know, you're too big to carry dill.

0:17:49 > 0:17:53Oh, you looked like the worst bridesmaid ever then. No offence.

0:17:53 > 0:17:54- With the dill.- Yeah.

0:17:54 > 0:17:57"Oh, I wonder if I'll catch the dill."

0:18:01 > 0:18:04OK. Well, look, for a start, I can't...

0:18:04 > 0:18:06I just can't put Devon in.

0:18:06 > 0:18:10I've been on a walking holiday and it was a beautiful experience.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12And you've moved away now,

0:18:12 > 0:18:15so you don't have to put up with it every day.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18- Fair enough.- So, no Devon.

0:18:18 > 0:18:22Now, this is an age-old choice between dill and scorpions.

0:18:25 > 0:18:26Rarely do we get a guest

0:18:26 > 0:18:29who has been so vociferous in their hatred of a choice,

0:18:29 > 0:18:33- so I am going to put dill into Room 101.- Thank you!

0:18:33 > 0:18:36APPLAUSE

0:18:45 > 0:18:46Next category, please.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53Ah, modern life.

0:18:53 > 0:18:56So, what doesn't Aled like about modern life?

0:19:00 > 0:19:02It's the Christmas round robin.

0:19:04 > 0:19:07It's basically the Christmas card that you receive and you think,

0:19:07 > 0:19:10"Oh, how nice of the Evans family to remember me this Christmas."

0:19:10 > 0:19:11And you open it up

0:19:11 > 0:19:14and inside there's a folded piece of A4 paper

0:19:14 > 0:19:17and it tells you about how wonderful their year has been.

0:19:17 > 0:19:19The fact that little Jimmy, you know,

0:19:19 > 0:19:22passed his GCSEs at the age of six.

0:19:22 > 0:19:26They've been on six holidays, built a mud hut in Malawi.

0:19:26 > 0:19:30They've retired, they're going to go and live in the Himalayas somewhere.

0:19:30 > 0:19:34And you think to yourself, "God, I've had a rubbish year, haven't I?

0:19:34 > 0:19:36"Why isn't my family like their family?"

0:19:36 > 0:19:38I've never got one of these, so I...

0:19:38 > 0:19:40I'm going to send you one.

0:19:40 > 0:19:43- I would love to get a round robin from the Jones family...- OK.

0:19:43 > 0:19:47- telling me what you've done this year.- OK.- That'd be brilliant. - I'll play it down.

0:19:47 > 0:19:50There's a book by Simon Hoggart,

0:19:50 > 0:19:53which is a collection of round robin letters

0:19:53 > 0:19:56and one is written from a dead dog.

0:19:58 > 0:20:00It says, "It probably won't come as a huge surprise

0:20:00 > 0:20:03"when I tell you that these greetings come to you

0:20:03 > 0:20:06"from my new home in the happy hunting ground.

0:20:06 > 0:20:08"Now my body lies four foot down,

0:20:08 > 0:20:12"deep in the underworld, in one of my favourite places in the garden

0:20:12 > 0:20:15"with Michaelmas daisies and lilies on top

0:20:15 > 0:20:20"and a shark's fin headstone to speed my night sea crossing."

0:20:20 > 0:20:24- Happy Christmas. - LAUGHTER

0:20:24 > 0:20:26Here's another.

0:20:26 > 0:20:28"Holidays this year included two weeks in Turkey

0:20:28 > 0:20:30- "on the side of a small bay..." - Here we go.

0:20:30 > 0:20:32"..voted one of the best views in the world.

0:20:32 > 0:20:35"Our second holiday took us to the Red Sea Riviera,

0:20:35 > 0:20:37"where we went to see the Pyramids.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39"(Overrated.)"

0:20:40 > 0:20:43Do you ever rank your Christmas cards?

0:20:43 > 0:20:45What?!

0:20:45 > 0:20:47I put people I like best at the front.

0:20:47 > 0:20:49Yeah.

0:20:49 > 0:20:52And then, like, I put them in the corner of the room

0:20:52 > 0:20:54and then as I go back, it's people I like less.

0:20:54 > 0:20:56They don't know this.

0:20:56 > 0:21:00There are people I put behind the one from the local curry house.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02LAUGHTER

0:21:03 > 0:21:05The other thing I like is Christmas cards

0:21:05 > 0:21:08where people have had the photos taken especially.

0:21:08 > 0:21:10- Do you ever get any of them?- Yes. - Oh, yeah.- I hate them as well.

0:21:10 > 0:21:12- Do you?- Yeah. Not keen.

0:21:12 > 0:21:15We have some pictures of these personalised Christmas cards.

0:21:15 > 0:21:18See what you think. This is the first one.

0:21:21 > 0:21:23Is that a dead one in front of the boy?

0:21:27 > 0:21:29I'm not going to lie to you, Frank,

0:21:29 > 0:21:31I'm not sure that the boy's alive either.

0:21:32 > 0:21:35So that's...you might say that was a bad decision.

0:21:35 > 0:21:37Let me tell you, THIS is a bad decision.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42Oh, no.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45That shouts out Christmas though, doesn't it?

0:21:45 > 0:21:47Is she wearing a coconut bra?

0:21:47 > 0:21:48She is.

0:21:48 > 0:21:51- That's not Christmassy. - That's not very festive.- Yeah.

0:21:51 > 0:21:53Not that that was my issue with it!

0:21:54 > 0:21:57She's got a Christmas hat. That's all right, isn't it?

0:21:57 > 0:22:01- It should be like, I don't know, a couple of, like...- Holly? - Christmas pudding.- Chocolate orange.

0:22:01 > 0:22:03Two chocolate oranges...

0:22:03 > 0:22:04and a Toblerone.

0:22:04 > 0:22:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:22:08 > 0:22:10I'm going to send Sara one like this of me,

0:22:10 > 0:22:12except it's going to be dill.

0:22:15 > 0:22:19So, what doesn't Josh like about modern life?

0:22:24 > 0:22:25Slogan T-shirts.

0:22:25 > 0:22:29- Oh!- You'll see these people walking down the street,

0:22:29 > 0:22:31- or you'll meet a friend...- Mm.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33and they're wearing something that says, like,

0:22:33 > 0:22:37"You've got Hotmale," mail spelt like you're a man.

0:22:37 > 0:22:41- Mm.- Like, when you say something funny, you laugh.

0:22:41 > 0:22:43You don't go, "That was really good, Frank.

0:22:43 > 0:22:45"I'm going to get that made into a T-shirt."

0:22:45 > 0:22:46That's my dream.

0:22:49 > 0:22:50What about this one?

0:22:52 > 0:22:53Oh!

0:22:53 > 0:22:55I mean, don't hold that up, Frank,

0:22:55 > 0:22:57you're a recovering alcoholic.

0:22:57 > 0:23:00LAUGHTER

0:23:00 > 0:23:01I daren't. I daren't wear this.

0:23:03 > 0:23:05This is a funny one.

0:23:05 > 0:23:07Oh!

0:23:07 > 0:23:08I mean, that's dodgy.

0:23:08 > 0:23:11What if you walked past a school? I mean...

0:23:14 > 0:23:17Well, it doesn't say when. It's some time in the future.

0:23:17 > 0:23:20I just think it's the, kind of, whole level of, "I'm a bit wacky."

0:23:20 > 0:23:23It's a bit like wearing a funny tie or funny socks.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25What about this one?

0:23:26 > 0:23:27"Dill with it."

0:23:27 > 0:23:30LAUGHTER

0:23:30 > 0:23:32Do you know, this is a genuine... We haven't made this.

0:23:32 > 0:23:35- This is a commercially available... - Really?- ..T-shirt.

0:23:35 > 0:23:37- It's kind of good. - "Dill with it."

0:23:37 > 0:23:39Can you believe that someone sat around and thought,

0:23:39 > 0:23:41"What's going to be a money-spinner?

0:23:41 > 0:23:44"What about a confrontational T-shirt for dill lovers?"

0:23:46 > 0:23:51I mean, I'm sort of anti-T-shirts, generally.

0:23:51 > 0:23:53You're going to go skins?

0:23:53 > 0:23:55No, I just don't... I never wear T-shirts.

0:23:55 > 0:23:57I'm the wrong age.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59Also, I've got a slightly...

0:23:59 > 0:24:00You can't tell in this lovely cut jacket.

0:24:00 > 0:24:03I've got a slightly round shoulder on this side,

0:24:03 > 0:24:05so if I wear a slogan T-shirt,

0:24:05 > 0:24:08the end of it is basically lost in a crumple.

0:24:10 > 0:24:13I had to stop wearing my "I love Dick and Dom."

0:24:13 > 0:24:15LAUGHTER

0:24:16 > 0:24:19OK. So what doesn't Sara like about modern life?

0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Wow.- Death metal.

0:24:27 > 0:24:29Death metal?

0:24:29 > 0:24:33Now, as a DJ, it's my job to respect all genres of music.

0:24:33 > 0:24:38- Mm.- You know, be it jazz, funk fusion, drum and bass.

0:24:38 > 0:24:40But the kind of music

0:24:40 > 0:24:44that makes me want to pull out my eyes and stuff them in my ears

0:24:44 > 0:24:45is death metal.

0:24:45 > 0:24:47That sounds like a lyric from death metal.

0:24:47 > 0:24:49It could well be.

0:24:49 > 0:24:50I don't mind rock,

0:24:50 > 0:24:52I don't mind guitar music, I don't mind indie music,

0:24:52 > 0:24:54I have no problem with that.

0:24:54 > 0:24:57It's just when people are screaming

0:24:57 > 0:25:00- over really heavy, hard music.- OK.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02In case there's anyone watching

0:25:02 > 0:25:05who doesn't know what death metal sounds like,

0:25:05 > 0:25:06it sounds like this.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09SONG: "Bring Me The Horizon" by Shadow Moses

0:25:25 > 0:25:28APPLAUSE

0:25:35 > 0:25:38Well, I love it.

0:25:38 > 0:25:40Hold on, where's my wallet?

0:25:42 > 0:25:44It would sort them out on X Factor, wouldn't it?

0:25:44 > 0:25:46Can you imagine? One week they do the love week

0:25:46 > 0:25:48and then they do the death metal week.

0:25:48 > 0:25:49It would be brilliant.

0:25:49 > 0:25:51Well, if they did something like that,

0:25:51 > 0:25:54you might get something like this happen.

0:25:54 > 0:25:58My name is Aaralyn O'Neil and I am six years old.

0:26:05 > 0:26:09RASPING: # Everyone, listen to me

0:26:09 > 0:26:13INDISTINCT

0:26:13 > 0:26:17# I'm gonna eat you up right now!

0:26:20 > 0:26:23# A-a-a-a-a-rgh!

0:26:23 > 0:26:27# I'm gonna eat you up right now! #

0:26:27 > 0:26:30APPLAUSE

0:26:30 > 0:26:34- That was quite good, actually. - That was brilliant.

0:26:34 > 0:26:38I do love music, and I get that people love all types of music

0:26:38 > 0:26:41- but it's just really not for me, that.- No.

0:26:41 > 0:26:45And plus, I've got a nice show like Sounds Of The '80s on Radio Two,

0:26:45 > 0:26:49so perhaps maybe my ears are adjusting.

0:26:49 > 0:26:51Are you using this as a plug?

0:26:51 > 0:26:54No. Well, it is BBC and it's great. 10:00pm, Saturday night.

0:26:54 > 0:26:57Also, I have to say, I never, ever would play that sort of music

0:26:57 > 0:27:01on Classic FM between 9:00 and 12:00 every Sunday.

0:27:01 > 0:27:02Never.

0:27:03 > 0:27:06OK. Well, look, we've come to the end of that round.

0:27:06 > 0:27:09I am so intrigued

0:27:09 > 0:27:11by the whole world of round robins,

0:27:11 > 0:27:13and I hope to use this as a springboard

0:27:13 > 0:27:17to encourage my friends to send me round robin letters.

0:27:17 > 0:27:19And death metal, I know...you know,

0:27:19 > 0:27:20it can be a shock to the system

0:27:20 > 0:27:23and there is a certain sameyness about it

0:27:23 > 0:27:26but I really respect the amount of devotion and commitment

0:27:26 > 0:27:28that the people involved with it seem to have.

0:27:28 > 0:27:30I know I'm sounding like an old man but I don't care.

0:27:30 > 0:27:33I, however, and although it is a branch of comedy,

0:27:33 > 0:27:36I do worry about slogan T-shirts.

0:27:36 > 0:27:40I think maybe people should be witty and charming verbally

0:27:40 > 0:27:42rather than through fibre.

0:27:44 > 0:27:47So I'm going to put slogan T-shirts into Room 101.

0:27:47 > 0:27:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:59 > 0:28:01And that brings us to the end of the show.

0:28:01 > 0:28:03And well done, Sara,

0:28:03 > 0:28:05you were the most persuasive guest so you are this week's winner.

0:28:05 > 0:28:07Excellent. Thank you.

0:28:07 > 0:28:10CHEERING

0:28:10 > 0:28:12- Well done.- Thank you.

0:28:12 > 0:28:15Thanks very much, Josh Widdicombe, Sara Cox and Aled Jones,

0:28:15 > 0:28:17and thank you. Good night.