0:00:22 > 0:00:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:34 > 0:00:38the show where three guests vie to cast their biggest bugbears
0:00:38 > 0:00:40deep into the gloomy vault.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44Joining me tonight are comedian Adam Hills,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47broadcaster Gyles Brandreth and pop superstar Melanie C.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51CHEERING
0:00:54 > 0:00:56So, can we have our first category?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05What doesn't Gyles like about modern life?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:16 > 0:01:18The electorate.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Yes.- The people who vote.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23I should say, that is a shot of our audience here tonight.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26But they are the electorate. There's no getting round that.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30I used to be a member of parliament, until the people spoke.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32LAUGHTER
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Where were you MP for? - The city of Chester.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- Beautiful part of the world. - Yes, of course.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39And many of them were nice people. This is just an act of revenge...
0:01:39 > 0:01:43- Yes.- ..on my part. I knew I had contempt for my constituents,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45but it just came as a bit of a shock to the system
0:01:45 > 0:01:48to find the feeling was entirely mutual.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50So I lost my seat. That's the point.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I lost my seat at the General Election, and I thought,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56"Well, they can do that to me." Here's my chance, Frank.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Thanks to you, I can do the same to them.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- I'm now voting for you to go down the plughole.- Fair enough.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04So your political policy right now is,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07"If you don't vote for me, I lock you in a room."
0:02:09 > 0:02:12We have a picture of you in your politician days.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- LAUGHTER - Ah, yes. Yeah.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I don't know if you were just about to jump.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21John Major became the leader of my party.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24That's when, overnight, I began to go grey.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26William Hague became the leader of my party.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Again, to show my loyalty, overnight, I began to go bald.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I was only grateful that Ann Widdecombe did not succeed.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37During the General Election, in fact, my darling wife came back
0:02:37 > 0:02:39to our house one day. I'd been out canvassing, campaigning,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42and I found a 'for sale' notice outside our house.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I said, "What have you done?" She said, "I've put our house up for sale."
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I said, "In the constituency? I'm running for election."
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- She said, "Yes, I know, but I've seen the way the wind is blowing."- Blimey.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54There's no vapid optimism with my wife, I can tell you.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58As my wife says to me, "Gyles, when one door closes, it's shut."
0:02:58 > 0:03:00LAUGHTER
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Well, we have a clip of Iain Duncan Smith listening to
0:03:03 > 0:03:05the voice of the people in Liverpool.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11How's it feel to be a complete non-entity, Mr Duncan Smith?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Scum of the earth!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16And you've got cheap shoes!
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Actually, all MPs of all parties, in my experience,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25almost all of them, it's a vocation.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27They do it because they want to make the world
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- a better place, in small ways... - Is that true, Gyles?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32It really is true, because, er, I mean, all right,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34maybe the expenses are marvellous,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36but the wages aren't that marvellous.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- The expenses aren't what they used to be.- They aren't.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I want you to know, though... May I say something?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45May I say something, Frank? I was a respectable member of parliament.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I dug my own moat.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49LAUGHTER
0:03:49 > 0:03:51That was just to keep the electorate away.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Now, this is what I suspect politicians think of each other.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01This is a Ukrainian MP called Rehawhi Suakis,
0:04:01 > 0:04:05and he's talking to another politician,
0:04:05 > 0:04:06and just watch what he does.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- Oh! - LAUGHTER
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Anyway, what does Adam Hills not like about modern life?
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Oh, my... LAUGHTER
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Abs.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33There's just so much pressure on...
0:04:33 > 0:04:36There's fit and there's... I just can't do that.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40When was it important for people to have really finely-honed abs?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Like, all the sex symbols from the '70s, they didn't have abs.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Paul Newman and Robert Redford, they didn't have abs.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50As opposed to Bruce Springsteen, who was photographed on holiday
0:04:50 > 0:04:52at the age of 62 with abs that no man should have.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Wow, he looks amazing! - No, he doesn't, that's not right!
0:04:56 > 0:04:58LAUGHTER
0:04:59 > 0:05:03I was on a beach in Jamaica not long ago, and this
0:05:03 > 0:05:06little wizened old lady, nut brown,
0:05:06 > 0:05:09came teetering along the beach towards me,
0:05:09 > 0:05:10and it wasn't till she got just here,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12that I realised it was Mick Jagger.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Isn't it good that people look all ripped and...
0:05:19 > 0:05:21I'm happy to look good, but there's something about
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Bruce Springsteen, I think, tipped it for me,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26because he was the champion of the working class.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28He was always the, you know, "Everything's gone wrong
0:05:28 > 0:05:31"and life's tough", and he's just one of the guys at the mill,
0:05:31 > 0:05:33and now - you don't get abs like that
0:05:33 > 0:05:36unless you've got someone helping you.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- You don't get abs like that from just...- Excuse me.- What?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- He has done it all himself. He looks magnificent.- No!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Unlike you, you disgusting...
0:05:46 > 0:05:48- Oh, my God.- ..revolting!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50When did you pose for this?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Do you know Darryn Lyons? Are you familiar with Darryn Lyons?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Yes, yes.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58He was on Celebrity Big Brother, and he had...
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Oh, yes, yes, yes.- He had work done to give himself a six-pack.- Yeah.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04He didn't bother to lose weight,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07he just had the six-pack sort of put on the top. This is Darryn.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- AUDIENCE GROAN - Oh, no.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Is that true, then? Are they implants?- I believe...- Is that fact?
0:06:12 > 0:06:16I believe that they're a sort of liposuction method, although you can
0:06:16 > 0:06:19get the same look just by lying face downwards on one of these.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26I never really thought about the abs thing.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28I think people just looked after themselves,
0:06:28 > 0:06:31and then I saw the picture of Craig David. Did you see this picture?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- He took a selfie of himself. - Oh, dear.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35AUDIENCE: Ohh...
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- No.- Now, that... - That's not a selfie, Frank.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39A selfie, you have to have an arm in shot
0:06:39 > 0:06:42because you're taking it yourself. What's he taking it with?
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Well, that's a good question.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Well, I tell you what, when I first saw it, I stared at it a bit,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53because I was taken aback, and then...
0:06:53 > 0:06:58You see, what worries me is he's not as symmetrical as I thought he'd be.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00The top bit...
0:07:00 > 0:07:04is it just me, or does that look like a duck eating a burger?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I'll see if I can help you with this.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11MEL LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:07:13 > 0:07:15If you put me in the screen with Craig now.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20APPLAUSE
0:07:23 > 0:07:26OK. What does Melanie C not like about modern life?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Ooh.
0:07:33 > 0:07:38The overwhelming choice of toothpastes on the market.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40- There are a lot. - I've got a little list in my pocket.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43This is just one brand.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- I mean, I'm happy with there being lots of brands.- Mmm.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49But this is just one brand. They offer lots of different things.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Whitening, cavity protection, advanced, advanced whitening,
0:07:53 > 0:07:58advanced freshening, sensitive, fresh breath, antibacterial,
0:07:58 > 0:08:01we have another whitening, which is for sensitive teeth.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Then they have gum health. And I just think,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06"But I want all of those things."
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So why isn't there just one toothpaste that does everything?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14You, we should say before you, you did do a campaign,
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- did you not? For... - I did. I'd forgotten! Yeah.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Well, I thought, "I don't want anyone thinking she's just
0:08:20 > 0:08:22"advertising her toothpaste, we'll be upfront about it."
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- You did the "Keep Britain Smiling"... - I did, yeah.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- ..campaign. - It was a lovely campaign actually.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- It was for Barnardo's, which is a wonderful charity.- Yes.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- And, yeah, no, it was earlier this year.- And who was the company?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34- It was Colgate.- Colgate, yes.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Which I always think sounds like a scandal about pit closures.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Well, actually, they're the biggest culprits in this crime.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Yes, they are, because they have Colgate Total Advanced
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- - which sounds like it's got everything -- Mm-hmm.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- Colgate Total Advanced Whitening... - Mm-hmm.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55- ..Colgate Total Advanced Freshening...- Mm-hmm.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57..and Colgate Total Advanced Clean.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"Oh, clean, yes, I'd like that for my teeth.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05"Maybe I'll choose that one." I met Bon Jovi.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09You know, Jon Bon Jovi. His teeth, they don't look like teeth any more.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11They go too perfect, don't they?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14They were too... They didn't even have any of the little...
0:09:14 > 0:09:15They just looked like...
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Isn't that what children put on sore gums, Bon Jovi?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Yes, and it works.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24- Do you ever use floss? - Oh, I hate flossing.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I'd quite happily put floss into Room 101,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29but as you get older, you tend to need to more, don't you?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- Yeah, I find... - So I've been told.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32LAUGHTER
0:09:32 > 0:09:36I find my teeth will hold, well, a good two-thirds of a meal
0:09:36 > 0:09:37for two hours.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I've got a good little trick though.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43When you're out, especially if you're on a date,
0:09:43 > 0:09:46and it's someone you don't know very well, and you're trying to impress,
0:09:46 > 0:09:50but you're cracking on a bit, and, erm, the teeth are
0:09:50 > 0:09:52storing food for later, just use your knife
0:09:52 > 0:09:55when they're not looking, to check.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Oh, to see. Not...
0:09:56 > 0:09:58LAUGHTER
0:09:59 > 0:10:00To check.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Do a little... yeah, spinach check.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05As long as you've got a shiny knife
0:10:05 > 0:10:07and you've not been taken to McDonald's.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Oh, yes, if it's plastic, a white plastic fork...- Yeah!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Yeah, you need to remember it's a plastic fork,
0:10:12 > 0:10:14otherwise you're going, "My teeth look amazing!"
0:10:14 > 0:10:17This is the one I tend to use. This is Aquafresh.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Look at that, that's multi...
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- multicoloured. - Yeah, I love that.- Yeah.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26Now, there could be a branding opportunity in this, I think,
0:10:26 > 0:10:31because if you're going to take this as your colour scheme,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33wouldn't this be a really good logo?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Look at that. It's perfect.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40APPLAUSE
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Yes, and that would ensure your teeth were REALLY white.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Anyway, we come to the end of the modern life round,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00and I must say, the toothpaste thing,
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I think it's just good to have variety.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04It's just a con. It's a marketing con.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Yeah, but I don't mind that.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07LAUGHTER
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Oh, my God!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I'm not going to put abs into Room 101,
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- because I'd like some. - Sure.- And I have some,
0:11:19 > 0:11:22but they're underground at the moment and I'd like to bring them forth.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25The electorate just make one terrible mistake after the next,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28so I'm going to put the electorate into Room 101.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Next category please.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49OK, it's the audience choice,
0:11:49 > 0:11:53and we have Alex Hatenstone in the audience.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- Alex?- Hi!- Hello, hello.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58What would you like to put into Room 101?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Erm, I want to put into Room 101 people who tell you to cheer up.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Oh, yes... Oh! APPLAUSE
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Does that happen to you a lot?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Yeah, I think I've just got a mouth that naturally points down
0:12:14 > 0:12:16if I'm not smiling.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17How do you respond?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20I just sort of give them evils, or, like,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22give them sort of a weird look.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Um, because normally I don't feel like I need to cheer up
0:12:24 > 0:12:27until they've actually told me I need to, and then I think
0:12:27 > 0:12:30there's actually quite a lot of miserable things in the world,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32and then you start sort of reflecting on it,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and you think, "Well, maybe I do need to cheer up now."
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Maybe you should come back with, "Do something to cheer me up."
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- Exactly, that is... - No, don't do that.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Have you considered a smog mask?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- A what? - You know people wear smog masks,
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- and then no-one will...- Oh, that's a really good idea actually.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51No, but I might in future.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Better wear a smog mask like this one.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58LAUGHTER
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- MEL C:- Creepy!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I think it's a terrible error to say that to someone.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13It could go horribly wrong. So, you know what?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Alex, I am going to put people who tell you to cheer up into Room 101.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Right, let's have our next category.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38OK, it's the wild card, which means there are no limitations.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41ANYTHING you don't like, you can choose.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44OK, let's have a look at Gyles's wild card.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- Passwords.- Oh.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I've been exploring who gets to be happy, how and why,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56looking for the seven secrets of happiness,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00and one of them is to take change on board, not to resist change.
0:14:00 > 0:14:04You've got to cope with the changing world if you want to be happy,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07but I have to tell you, there's one thing I really am finding
0:14:07 > 0:14:10very difficult to cope with, and that is passwords.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I do not want to learn another frigging password!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15AUDIENCE: Woo!
0:14:19 > 0:14:23- I have a list here of the most popular passwords in the UK.- Ah.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27The most popular one, apparently, is your first name...
0:14:27 > 0:14:31I mean, not your... Whatever that is, with the number one after it.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33WOMAN LAUGHS Someone recognised that.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38I love the fact that it's not just the first name,
0:14:38 > 0:14:41that people have put a one, thinking, "That'll fool them."
0:14:43 > 0:14:46The third most popular, apparently, is "monkey".
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Why's that?!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52What's number two, then? Why have you...that one?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- Well, erm...- Is that yours?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57It is actually mine. It's "password1".
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- That's annoying. - My wife, being a remarkable woman...
0:15:04 > 0:15:07..and having everything beautifully organised,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10she insists on different passwords for everything.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12She won't have universal passwords.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17So even if you came up with quite a complicated password, that won't do.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20So she has memorised dozens of these passwords,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23and I now have no access to anything.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:27We actually discuss this at the Relate meetings most weeks.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I just...you know when they send you a password
0:15:32 > 0:15:35or a PIN number as an example? I just keep that.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38But then they know it as well. They know it.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Yeah, but I don't mind them... I'm the sort of person, if I buy a wallet
0:15:41 > 0:15:44and it's got a picture of a person in there, I just keep that in.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Anyway, what is Adam's wild card?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- LAUGHTER MEL C:- Hey!
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Looks fine.
0:15:59 > 0:16:04What I don't like about modern life - naming rights on public stadiums.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- MAN: Woo! - Woo!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08APPLAUSE
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I mean, I love being in Britain and I love going to sporting events,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13and I love places like Old Trafford
0:16:13 > 0:16:16and Edgbaston and Lords and the Oval. I love those names.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19And it's happened in Australia a lot and it's starting to happen here
0:16:19 > 0:16:21as well, where... I mean, there's the O2,
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I get that, and there's Emirates Stadium,
0:16:24 > 0:16:27but then, I mean, Newcastle had Sports Direct Stadium,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29and it just...it just makes the stadium sound
0:16:29 > 0:16:32like they've got loose morals.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35You mock people when they name their children after brand names.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- Do you?- Oh, God, do you not?!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41When you see people with children called Armani. I mean, honestly,
0:16:41 > 0:16:45in the last count in America, there are seven children named Del Monte.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I bet they're very positive people.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53The New Zealand government this year had to issue a list of names
0:16:53 > 0:16:56that you're not allowed to call your children.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Because of the names that people were using.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02There was a "Full Stop." There was the number "89."
0:17:03 > 0:17:06If you don't do it to a child, don't do it to a stadium. That's my rule.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09LAUGHTER That's a great motto for life.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13And yet, I understand the benefits of it.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I understand a lot of cash then goes to the club
0:17:15 > 0:17:18because there's naming rights and sponsorship, but venues
0:17:18 > 0:17:21that have been around for ages have a certain history and character
0:17:21 > 0:17:24and as soon as you just whack on like a big "McDonald's"
0:17:24 > 0:17:27over the top of it, it just makes it feel a bit cheaper, for me.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29We have some examples anyway.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Wincham Park was the home of Witton Albion,
0:17:32 > 0:17:37and in August 2000 it changed its name to the Bargain Booze Stadium.
0:17:40 > 0:17:45York City played at Bootham Crescent, which was renamed
0:17:45 > 0:17:51Kit Kat Crescent in 2005, owing to a sponsorship deal with Nestle.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And they said if they won a trophy,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56it would be paraded around town in a Double Decker.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57LAUGHTER
0:17:59 > 0:18:04I'd like to be sponsored by something. Rather a fun idea.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Yeah.- Yeah. What would I choose?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08To be a sort of old Milkybar Kid.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14We should all be sponsored. Who would you be sponsored by?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I suppose these days I should be sponsored by Old Spice.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21What a lovely idea!
0:18:25 > 0:18:27So, what is Melanie's wild card?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32SHE LAUGHS
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Awww.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37People who think I'm deaf.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40It's a strange one, Yeah.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Very frequently, people will pass me in the street
0:18:43 > 0:18:47and point at me and go, "Oh, my God, it's Melanie C!"
0:18:47 > 0:18:49- Yeah. From this far away. - But I can hear you.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- Yeah, I get that.- Yeah.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I get, "FRANKIE!"
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Which was very difficult when I was on the witness protection programme.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03But there's lots of weird things that people do, you know,
0:19:03 > 0:19:05when they recognise you, or think they recognise you.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08They're walking behind you and then they kind of pick up the pace,
0:19:08 > 0:19:11and they leave their mates behind, and they're like,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14they'll walk forward and they go, "Oh, I forgot something",
0:19:14 > 0:19:16and then they turn round just to check,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- and they're like that to their mates...- Oh, wow.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- That's a clever one.- Yeah.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23So they're not saying it to you. They're just, as they walk past...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26they kind of go, "Oh, Melanie C", really loudly?
0:19:26 > 0:19:27But I also get a lot of, "Mel B!"
0:19:28 > 0:19:30LAUGHTER
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Another favourite is when you're just, like,
0:19:33 > 0:19:36sitting with a friend and having a bit of food,
0:19:36 > 0:19:40and you just see this...you know, and then a little click.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43But I do quite like the secret photo, as a genre.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48We've got a few secretly taken photos of celebrities.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50This is Bradley Walsh.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54You see him, in the background there, in a baseball cap?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56LAUGHTER
0:19:56 > 0:20:00And my own particular favourite, Warwick Davis.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Right? Now...- Where is he?
0:20:04 > 0:20:08He's in the shop looking at magazines, I think.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Here he is.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11LAUGHTER
0:20:12 > 0:20:16But they're not, people... It was so big, the Spice Girls,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19nothing you do... No-one is going to shout,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22"Oi, congratulations on your musical theatre career!"
0:20:22 > 0:20:25It's just not going to happen, is it?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27You know, you're a victim of your own success.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29No, and I am actually really lucky,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31because I've never had anything negative.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34The public have been nothing but lovely to me.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Well, stick around.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38You have continued though.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41It's not like the Spice Girls is way in your past.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Every now and again you sort of revive them a bit.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45You did the musical, which I went to
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- and I'm not saying this because you're here - I really liked it.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- I know. Me too.- I don't know why that went...- I know.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53But you did the press launch for that.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56We've got pictures of you guys at the press launch.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58I'm not sure that Victoria totally joined in.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- You all look so smiley and happy. - I know.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03And she looks great. Then another picture...
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Maybe she knew something we didn't. - Maybe.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08But look, that's exactly the same.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Look at this picture.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17She's starting to tire at that stage.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22You don't want to end up like Ringo Starr.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Ringo Starr got very angry about signing autographs,
0:21:25 > 0:21:28and he put this on his website.
0:21:28 > 0:21:34This is a serious message to everyone watching my...update
0:21:34 > 0:21:38right now, peace and love, peace and love.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41I want to tell you, please,
0:21:41 > 0:21:45after the 20th October,
0:21:45 > 0:21:49do not send fan mail to any address that you have.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Nothing will be signed after the 20th October.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57If that has a date on the envelope, it's going to be tossed.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01I'm warning you with peace and love but I have too much to do.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04No more fan mail. Thank you, thank you.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09I like, "I'm warning you with peace and love."
0:22:09 > 0:22:12And also - Ringo Starr has too much to do?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16How did that happen?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Well, he's got all his anger management classes to go to.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I mean that... Also, he's got a little camcorder there.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26He's sat in a corner and done it. It's not like he's got
0:22:26 > 0:22:30a film crew in to make it, like he could afford it.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It's this angry old Scouser.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35This thing about people thinking you're deaf, though, I think
0:22:35 > 0:22:40the worst thing is when the fans seem like they might be deaf.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42This is a fan of Mariah Carey,
0:22:42 > 0:22:44who I think is having problems with her hearing.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Brilliant. That is brilliant.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51OK. So, look, you argue very well, all three of you.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- I don't think I can put people who think you're deaf.- I know.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I knew I wasn't going to win that one,
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I would quite like this doll though.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01OK. You're telling me you don't have a Sporty Spice doll?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03I've got a houseful.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08But you're not getting it, because I think it's just excitement.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12People are so excited to see you, they forget themselves.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13I like the password thing.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I think if there were more passwords, it would be a better world,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20just to keep people out of everything, and it's inventive,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22and it's good for the mind, as you get older,
0:24:22 > 0:24:24to have things to remember.
0:24:24 > 0:24:29But some of the renaming of stadiums is so tasteless and so awful
0:24:29 > 0:24:33that I am going to put naming rights on stadiums into Room 101.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36CHEERING
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Well, we're nearly at the end of tonight's show,
0:24:48 > 0:24:51but Gyles, you've been such a persuasive guest tonight,
0:24:51 > 0:24:53I'm going to give you a chance at a bonus choice.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Now, what is the bonus choice of Gyles?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Acceptance speeches at awards ceremonies.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09APPLAUSE
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I just can't stand it. I can't stand it.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16These narcissistic individuals getting up...
0:25:16 > 0:25:20don't they realise everybody in the room is resenting them, hating them,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23loathing them, because everybody else wanted to win and they've won?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26And they go up, and they then, instead of taking it modestly,
0:25:26 > 0:25:29saying thank you and slipping back to their seat, they blather on,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33weeping, thanking their late relatives, mentioning their agent,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37their mother, their grandmother, you - if they know you vaguely.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39It's just not on.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- I mean, is this supposed to be you? - They're all me.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43They're all you, exactly.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45As I said, narcissistic individuals...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50I just can't bear it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52It just gets in the way of everything.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Can I ask though, Gyles, if you won an award and you went up
0:25:55 > 0:25:59to get it, are you telling me that you wouldn't make a speech?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:05 > 0:26:08So what's the alternative? What do you think people should do
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- when they win an award? - Stand there for a moment, look happy, but modest.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Hold it. Maybe say thank you, and then go back.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18On the subject of speeches, this is a speech.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22This is welcoming the freshmen to Georgia Tech.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26This kind of speech I would watch every day of the week.
0:26:26 > 0:26:31In the words of Sir Isaac Newton, "If I have seen further,
0:26:31 > 0:26:34"it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Georgia Tech is proud of its many traditions
0:26:36 > 0:26:38but the one I find most exciting is...
0:26:38 > 0:26:40MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Strauss
0:26:40 > 0:26:43..our tradition of excellence.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Our mission as students is not to follow in the footsteps
0:26:46 > 0:26:49of the astronauts, Nobel Prize laureates and presidents
0:26:49 > 0:26:52who graduate before us, but to exceed their footsteps,
0:26:52 > 0:26:55crush the shoulders of the giants upon whom we stand.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00We here are all such innovative people, so I am telling you...
0:27:00 > 0:27:02if you want to change the world,
0:27:02 > 0:27:06you're at Georgia Tech - you can do that!
0:27:06 > 0:27:09If you want to build the Iron Man suit -
0:27:09 > 0:27:12you're at Georgia Tech, you can do that!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14IF YOU WANT TO PLAY THEME MUSIC
0:27:14 > 0:27:18DURING YOUR CONVOCATION SPEECH LIKE A BADASS
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- WE'RE AT GEORGIA TECH, WE CAN DO THAT!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24I AM DOING THAT!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34- That is brilliant, isn't it? - I want to adopt him.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39I've done a couple of speeches, and I think you're right,
0:27:39 > 0:27:41they would be better if people got up,
0:27:41 > 0:27:43grabbed the award and disappeared.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47I am going to put award acceptance speeches into Room 101.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:27:57 > 0:28:01Well done, Gyles, you were the most persuasive guest tonight, so...
0:28:01 > 0:28:03I'd like to say something, but I can't.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05LAUGHTER
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Well, you are this week's winner, nevertheless.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Thanks very much, Adam Hills, Gyles Brandreth and Melanie C,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18and thank you. Good night.