0:00:28 > 0:00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101, the show where
0:00:36 > 0:00:41three guests battle to consign their pet peeves to the infamous vault.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Joining me tonight are comedian Sue Perkins, Strictly judge
0:00:46 > 0:00:50- Bruno Tonioli and presenter Steve Jones. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:59OK, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06It's shopping. OK.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09What does Bruno hate about shopping?
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Argh!
0:01:14 > 0:01:19Flat-pack furniture. Hell! Hell! Dangerous.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Very, very dangerous.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26I think, it's actually easier to assemble a space shuttle.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Have you ever tried to put together, from a flat-pack furniture box,
0:01:30 > 0:01:31a chest of drawers?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- ALL: Yes. - Yeah.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Well, you're a genius, because I nearly killed myself, I really did.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Cos, you know, the first thing... it comes...
0:01:40 > 0:01:43there's all these kind of bits and pieces. I have no idea...
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I'm very artistic, you see, you have to understand, so...
0:01:45 > 0:01:49and you have to put them down in a very, very precise pattern, right?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Then you've got this piece of paper, says, "Take A",
0:01:52 > 0:01:56which usually I put there, "and stick it to B", which is there.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01- Are you playing Twister? - And then the key...
0:02:01 > 0:02:04You've accidentally bought Twister. Can I ask you a question?
0:02:04 > 0:02:11- How many times have you done this process?- Once. Never again.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- Terrible.- I don't think anybody would disagree.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17There's a hellish ordeal to try and assemble one of these things,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20but, what I would say, the sense of achievement you get
0:02:20 > 0:02:23when you do actually assemble it and it's there in front of you,
0:02:23 > 0:02:28you feel like a real man, you know. Normally I'm like...
0:02:28 > 0:02:29I'm not going for that one.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Bruno, you must often feel like a real man.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36- Every day. - If we can get one, we will.
0:02:36 > 0:02:40We have a couple of examples of flat-packs that didn't work out.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42These are genuine, not done for comedy, but genuine.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44This is a chair.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- I can see where they went wrong. - Yeah, exactly.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53And for those of you who still collect vinyl,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55this is record shelving.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- Yeah, but they're not... - That's a classic.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I know, if that was my house, me
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- and my girlfriend would live with that for about three years.- Yeah.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Here's one of my favourite bits of interior decoration.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09This is a coat hanger that looks like a drunken octopus who
0:03:09 > 0:03:15- wants a fight. - Yeah, that's good.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19OK. What doesn't Steve like about shopping?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Enforced present-buying.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30A few times a year, we, the British people,
0:03:30 > 0:03:35are pretty much held to ransom by these huge corporate mega,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38mega businesses, that will prey on our insecurities
0:03:38 > 0:03:42and fears in order to get us to buy their products.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45You know, it's a case of, "Come buy this tat that you don't need,
0:03:45 > 0:03:49"or your loved ones don't need, in order to show them you love them.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51"If you don't, you're a terrible person.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54"You will burn in the lake of fire for all eternity, Ebenezer".
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I haven't actually seen that specific advert.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01You're not just thinking of Christmas. You're thinking of any...
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Oh, I'm talking Valentine's Day, birthday presents,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Christmas, any other occasion you care to mention.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Oh. Curmudgeon. Curmudgeon.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Boo.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Let's talk about this. Let's take Valentine's Day.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14- OK. All right.- OK?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Now, which one would you prefer, sir, madam, which do you prefer?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19I'd like to take you out
0:04:19 > 0:04:21for a romantic candlelit meal this evening,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24because it's Valentine's Day and everybody else is doing it.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Or, would you prefer this?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I'd like to take you out for a candlelit meal
0:04:29 > 0:04:32because it's July and I love you.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34One has sentiment. The other doesn't.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Yes, I agree. - That's my point.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I get a dozen red roses every Valentine...
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I buy a dozen red roses, and they're quite expensive.
0:04:43 > 0:04:48In fact I had a conversation, I actually had a genuine conversation
0:04:48 > 0:04:52with two guys and one of them said, he said, "I've often wondered
0:04:52 > 0:04:56"if you could get away with ten, because no-one ever counts them".
0:04:58 > 0:05:00There's a pressure of all sorts, though.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Have you ever seen these houses that put up loads and loads
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- and loads of Christmas lights... - Yeah.- Yeah.- ..in their street?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11And then the neighbours think, "Oh, our house looks a bit drab".
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I saw a fabulous example of this.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17This is a genuine house where someone did their Christmas
0:05:17 > 0:05:20lights this elaborately. Look at that.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24And the neighbours, instead of trying to compete directly,
0:05:24 > 0:05:25they did this.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I'm disappointed in you, Steve.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39My notes on you say you're a very well-known present-er.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41HE LAUGHS
0:05:44 > 0:05:48What does Sue hate about shopping?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- I hate catalogues.- Oh.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Because basically they are
0:06:00 > 0:06:03environmentally very unfriendly... so they're like a dossier wrapped
0:06:03 > 0:06:07in a condom that gets delivered to you, and there's basically 40 pages
0:06:07 > 0:06:11of one nymphet in clogs, and you get to one and you think, oh, she looks
0:06:11 > 0:06:15nice, and she's in a field, and she's wearing like a hessian smock,
0:06:15 > 0:06:18and there's a sort of autumnal light catching her shoulders,
0:06:18 > 0:06:21and she's clutching a lamb, and you think, "That looks great".
0:06:21 > 0:06:24So you buy it, by filling out the convenient 407-digit code
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and sending it off.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30And then when you put it on in a semi in Croydon, it really doesn't
0:06:30 > 0:06:35look the same. In A&E, someone cutting a sort of poncho off you.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I've actually done a bit of modelling for catalogues.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Have you?- On my life.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42I once, yeah, was in a field somewhere in Oxford...
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- Always in a field. - ..in a wax jacket, with my arm
0:06:44 > 0:06:49- around a spaniel, going... - That's it. That's it.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52You're exactly responsible for that, because the things only fit
0:06:52 > 0:06:56when you're crouching and you've got your arm round a stinking dog.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I find that women don't spend...
0:06:58 > 0:07:02when they're in shops, they might as well shop in catalogues,
0:07:02 > 0:07:08because they don't spend very long really studying the clothes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Let me demonstrate. This is how the average woman, I find,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14when I've been clothes shopping, this is how they judge the clothes.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- Oh, God!- How many times have you seen women do this?
0:07:27 > 0:07:28OK.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Well, look, you've all argued your cases extremely well, I must say.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I think, with the flat-pack, Bruno, I don't know
0:07:35 > 0:07:37if the flat-pack is at fault.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40I think it's us. We don't try hard enough.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44I also think catalogues are based on that idea that the dream is
0:07:44 > 0:07:47better than the reality, and I kind of like that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I think you can fantasise about,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51"Yes, I'd look great in a field with a spaniel".
0:07:51 > 0:07:54But, I do think there is too much pressure on us to buy things,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57for Mother's Day, Father's Day, and all that stuff,
0:07:57 > 0:08:00and really it should come from the heart, not the wallet.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03So I am going to put enforced present-buying into Room 101.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Yes!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Next category, please.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Ah, it's the audience choice.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26So we go into our crowd to find... I think we have Clive Green.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Where are you, Clive? There you are.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31What would you like to put into Room 101, Clive?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34I'd like to put in parent and toddler parking spaces.
0:08:34 > 0:08:39GROANING AND A RIPPLE OF APPLAUSE
0:08:42 > 0:08:46- Why?- I don't see any reason why they should park any closer
0:08:46 > 0:08:47because they've got a pushchair,
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and the idea of a pushchair is that they can be pushed.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53I think the toddler
0:08:53 > 0:08:56and parent spaces could be used for elderly people.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I think sitting in an audience full of parents who probably have
0:08:59 > 0:09:02toddlers, saying that, you must have balls the size of China.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05So, I'm not disagreeing with him.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Elderly people fought in the war and defended this country,
0:09:09 > 0:09:10and they gave the right for the toddlers
0:09:10 > 0:09:12and parents to park there in the first place.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Hold on a minute. Hold on.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18The toddlers haven't had a chance to fight in the war.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Can I ask you, if you're
0:09:20 > 0:09:26so dismissive about the parent-child spaces, would you park in one?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27I have parked in one, yeah.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29BOOING
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Now, you see, I'm going to put YOU in Room 101.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I love this guy. He's really growing on me.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44You're really growing on me.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47You're exactly what light entertainment has been waiting for.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50One of my great joys, it was a sunny day,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53and I had hung what I believe they call a posset cloth
0:09:53 > 0:09:56on the back window, so the baby wasn't in the sunshine.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00So when I parked, this guy came up and said, "yeah, you can't park
0:10:00 > 0:10:01here if you don't have a child",
0:10:01 > 0:10:04and the joy of that reveal, when I went...
0:10:07 > 0:10:12Another thing is "baby on board" signs on the back of cars.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14How am I supposed to alter my driving while seeing that?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- What difference do they make? - Well, drive more carefully.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Yeah, but I drive carefully anyway, so...
0:10:19 > 0:10:21No, but drive MORE carefully, because the driver has had
0:10:21 > 0:10:25two hours' sleep and he's woozy from the smell of excrement in the car.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- Clive, I mean you're passionate, and...- I am, yeah.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35I love you for that, but I hate you for so many other things,
0:10:35 > 0:10:40and I just think it's wrong. I think it's a difficult...
0:10:40 > 0:10:44you get parents on their own, and they've got a couple of kids,
0:10:44 > 0:10:47and they've got shopping, and... it's nightmarish.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Yeah, but they've got all day to do it as well, haven't they?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57This is now the Jeremy Kyle Show.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01He's getting worse and worse.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Anyway, look, Clive, I admire your passion...- Thank you.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06But I am not, under any circumstances,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09going to put parent-child parking spaces
0:11:09 > 0:11:13into Room 101, but what about a big hand for Clive anyway?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16APPLAUSE
0:11:21 > 0:11:23OK, next category, please.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31It's the wild card round. Now there are no limitations of category.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34You can pick anything that you don't like.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36What is Steve's wildcard?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Gym etiquette.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Gym etiquette. - Or lack thereof.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49I'm guessing you go to the gym quite...
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You know, you've got to look after yourself.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Well, you don't have to. - Well...
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Can I just say, before you do this, I have a picture of you,
0:11:58 > 0:12:02which I think suggests that you do go to the gym, and it works.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- I really don't want to see this, do I?- No, you look great.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Ooh!
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Look at that. A little bit of advice. Comb your stomach.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17But you do... you do look great. So you're getting results.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18That's one plus.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Well, as I said, you've got to look after yourself,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22but it's all the other things that go with the gym which
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I struggle with, like personal trainers, for instance.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28The thing about the personal trainer which I find outrageous...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I don't know if you'll agree with this... is when they slip
0:12:30 > 0:12:35on their physiotherapist hat, and then you see them on the mat,
0:12:35 > 0:12:39with a young lady... they found a loophole... giving it all this
0:12:39 > 0:12:43I'm just doing your glutes here, if you could flip your legs
0:12:43 > 0:12:44over my shoulder.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I swear to God! If you saw that on Clapham Common,
0:12:48 > 0:12:53- you'd call the police.- Well... - It's outrageous!- Eventually.
0:12:53 > 0:12:58- What was that? - He's doing the glutes.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Steve blanketing her in his stomach hair.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07I don't like the guy who's on the weights giving it this noise.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10HE MOANS LOUDLY
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I do that all the time! That was me, Steve!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16No. I'm at the gym, not a Parisian sex club.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I don't care. I've got to do the work.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20You've got to push those weights.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22THEY GROAN
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Shut up!
0:13:24 > 0:13:28This is basically masculinity in crisis, right there.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I'm quite noisy at the gym because I take my own cox
0:13:31 > 0:13:33for the rowing machine.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And, yeah, he's a small man, but a big voice.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41That's annoying,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- but it's nowhere near as annoying as the nudity.- Yes.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I want to ban the nudity at the gym.
0:13:48 > 0:13:53You look great, Steve. If I was like you, I would do my exercises naked.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58But I'm really, I don't like people, you know, it's awful.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Have you had the glance? - The glance?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03The, "Ooh, look at him, that's nice".
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Oh, I've posed with a 50 pence coin for scale.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- That was you?! - That was me.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14It's nice to put a face to the coin.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21- OK. What is Bruno's wildcard? - Oh, God, what is it?
0:14:23 > 0:14:24No idea.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Oh, God! Tacky shop fronts.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Oh, it makes you puke every time you walk around it.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36I mean the thing is, you know, even if you don't shop,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39you walk around the high street, and... make an effort, make it
0:14:39 > 0:14:43look pretty, because everybody will kind of feed off it, you know.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47It will make the whole ambience so much better.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50If you see something nice and nicely displayed,
0:14:50 > 0:14:51I would just go in and browse.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54If I see a mess, I just... I'm just going to run.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56I'm just going to get out of it.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01Give it a nice look, some lovely flowers, some nice design,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04something that makes it pleasant for everybody.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I think, generally speaking, Bruno,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11that tacky shop fronts are on tacky shops, and that seems fair, to me.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- Yeah, but... - I don't want to be misled.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16I don't want a shop to look all stylish
0:15:16 > 0:15:18and go inside and it's Pound Saver.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22But no, just make it look pretty. Well, why not?
0:15:22 > 0:15:26Because that's like breast implants. It's just not true.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- No, but you can just make... - It's a false front.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31No, it's not. It's not.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35No, you don't have to buy silicone implants.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Anyway, let's look at a few examples of shop-based things.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39This, erm, I love this.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43This was... They actually had a sale at Poundland.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49What about this?
0:15:49 > 0:15:53If you want to buy white goods, this is the shop that you want to go to.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Hey!
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Right, what is Sue's wildcard?
0:16:14 > 0:16:19I mean, what sport on this planet doesn't allow you to
0:16:19 > 0:16:21wear your own shoes?
0:16:25 > 0:16:30Bowling alleys... It's like a sort of Guantanamo style atmosphere.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32There is blaring music.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36There's lots of screaming children, people violently breaking up
0:16:36 > 0:16:40after a day at IKEA, and you approach this sort of slightly
0:16:40 > 0:16:44disinterested woman in a ponytail, and you see the rack of...
0:16:44 > 0:16:48in fact you smell the rack of shoes before you see the rack of shoes.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Clown's shoes. - They do that spraying thing, though.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Oh, but it's very half-cocked.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56They'll do it when they're talking to you.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58There's a sort of mist around the clown's shoe.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02The one I want is the tongue up and a full... in.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04And then you get the clown's shoe.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09It's not even a trainer. I've never seen a shoe like that.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11No-one has ever seen a shoe...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14No, I quite like them. I like the centre parting.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17But it's also... Exactly.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21As that shows, it's the fact that I'm really bad at all sports,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23you know, I'm absolutely...
0:17:23 > 0:17:28I'm weak, I've got terrible vision and I'm distracted by food.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31That's the holy trinity of a bad bowler.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Just chuck it in the gulley, and there's that long, slow...
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Have you ever tried cat laser bowling?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- What is it?- You know those laser key-ring things?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Yeah, yeah.- You need one of those and a cat. I'll show you.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56APPLAUSE
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Poor cat. That's horrible.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Oh, come on. Bruno is going, "That's horrible".
0:18:06 > 0:18:08The poor kitten.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Don't do that with your cat at home.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16OK, well, look, I really feel although you argue with passion,
0:18:16 > 0:18:20I love bowling so much, I'd really feel it would be wrong to put
0:18:20 > 0:18:23it in, because I know lots of other people like it as well.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26So I'm not going to put bowling into Room 101.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- ALL: Awww. - ONE PERSON CLAPS
0:18:29 > 0:18:30That was a bowler.
0:18:30 > 0:18:37And the gym, I just think the gym generally is a hostile
0:18:37 > 0:18:41and difficult place, and I probably am very rude in there
0:18:41 > 0:18:44and do all the wrong things, because it's hard to relax there
0:18:44 > 0:18:47and be the nice person you want to be.
0:18:47 > 0:18:52But I take your point, Bruno, that although it is a bit deceptive,
0:18:52 > 0:18:55you know, we all make an effort to look better on the outside than we
0:18:55 > 0:19:00do on the inside, so I am going to put tacky shop fronts into Room 101.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Oh. - APPLAUSE
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Make your high street look beautiful.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Right, then, let's have our next category.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Ah, it's entertainment.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24So, what doesn't Bruno like about entertainment?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Cinema etiquette.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35It is, you know... guys, you go to the cinema, right?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37You're really looking forward to seeing that movie.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40You've waited weeks to go and see this particular film you
0:19:40 > 0:19:45always wanted to see, and there's one guy next to you with a 12-course
0:19:45 > 0:19:51meal on his lap, I mean literally a 12-course meal, popcorn this
0:19:51 > 0:19:55size, spilling on you, crunching and munching all the way through, the
0:19:55 > 0:19:58stench of the hot dogs and all the rubbish that he's got on his tray.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01How can you have all that stuff in front of you when you go
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- and see a movie? - I find cinemas nice. Nice and quiet.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- You can make a phone call, get on with some work.- Yeah, but...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09I mean it's so irritating.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12And another thing, you know, they have these huge, huge drinks.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I mean... I don't know how you can drink that much
0:20:15 > 0:20:17anyway, and they try to... the last possible drop.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- They're like... - HE SUCKS LOUDLY
0:20:22 > 0:20:25I mean, come on! What is this? Animal Farm?!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I just want to watch Kate Winslet
0:20:28 > 0:20:31sinking down the bottom of the ocean...
0:20:31 > 0:20:34But that's the perfect sound effect.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- Yeah. Water going through ice. - Yeah.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I went to a well-known West End cinema, and I said to the guy,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43"Can I have a large cola?"
0:20:43 > 0:20:45And he said, "Yes, there you go, sir".
0:20:45 > 0:20:48And I said, "Actually, can I have it without ice?"
0:20:48 > 0:20:50and he said, "Yes, certainly, sir".
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Have you seen the large...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56The large packets are literally like this.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59They're enormous. I mean whatever is in it,
0:20:59 > 0:21:01how are you going to be able to drink the whole thing?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03You don't drink it all in one go.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07You need to make four or five very noisy trips to the toilet.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Exactly. "Excuse me, excuse me, sorry",
0:21:09 > 0:21:12and then banging everybody on the head with a packet of crisps.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- Oh, no, no, no.- But you must be a nightmare at the cinema
0:21:15 > 0:21:18because you can't talk without standing up.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28OK. What does Sue hate about entertainment?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Mime. Mime artists. - Oh, really?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37It frightens me, yes.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Because a mime, basically, is a clown that you can't hear coming.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46I don't think I'm particularly snobby about art forms.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48I like everything. Big blockbuster films,
0:21:48 > 0:21:50sometimes the opera, all sorts of things.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53But it seems to me that all other art forms say something about
0:21:53 > 0:21:56love and loss and guilt and hell and pain and the human condition, and
0:21:56 > 0:22:00mime says, "Look, there's a wall", and, "there's some rope" and...
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Yeah, but...- "Ooh, this is a really heavy balloon".
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Have you been scared by somebody as a child?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Something has happened... - Both of my parents
0:22:07 > 0:22:09are professional mime artists.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12I grew up in an expressive world of silence.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- It was a very quiet household. - Yeah.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19"Speak to me!"
0:22:22 > 0:22:24What about those everyday mimes that we all use?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- Oh, what, like - Yeah, exactly.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- Like you know when you want the bill and you go- Yeah.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33And you know when people go...?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36Is that the hospital? I just lost three fingers in an accident.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Yeah. But that, I love that.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I'm a bit of a traditionalist. I go...
0:22:44 > 0:22:46HE MOUTHS
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Here's a test for you, Sue.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Watch this and tell me whose side you're on in this clip.- OK.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00Hey! Leave him alone, man!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- Fair enough. - I think mime is quite special,
0:23:30 > 0:23:33and can be really something fine to watch.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37My final move in this argument, my trump card,
0:23:37 > 0:23:40is I'm going to bring on someone who really can do it.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43So, please welcome Les Bubb.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46APPLAUSE
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Come on. That's good!- That is great!
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Come on. Seriously.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25You're melting me. You're melting me.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26How the hell is he doing it?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29You can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Just come here. Just...
0:24:31 > 0:24:33AUDIENCE GROANS
0:24:33 > 0:24:34APPLAUSE
0:24:40 > 0:24:45- Les Bubb, ladies and gentlemen. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Excellent.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54All right. Listen, I've... I've changed, OK?
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I've learnt stuff, you know.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01OK. What in entertainment really winds up Steve Jones?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:11 > 0:25:12This is a slam-dunk, Frank.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Can I just say, before you launch into this...
0:25:16 > 0:25:19- Hey.- That's bad.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- Ah!- The sleepy eye.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Hello.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27I always promised myself, if I was ever to come on Room 101,
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I would put the flaming haired she-devil that is
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Anne Robinson into the box, but one of your lovely producers,
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Clare, told me it had already been done.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Well, Jessica Hynes did it, but I think the tradition is that now
0:25:40 > 0:25:44and again Welsh people will come on just to check the locks.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48We should have a look at why Steve is not a fan of Anne Robinson.
0:25:48 > 0:25:53This was 2001. This was Anne on Room 101.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- What do you want to put in? - I want to put the Welsh in.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I've never taken to the much. What are they for?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07LAUGHTER
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Well, they're always so pleased with themselves, aren't they?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Were you genuinely upset by it?
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Yeah, actually. It's outrageous.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19You can't put three million people in Room 101.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21How many Welsh people has she ever met?
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I mean, put an individual Welsh person in.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Do you think she had a bad holiday?
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Did she go to Gower on a rainy weekend?
0:26:27 > 0:26:28I think her argument was she lived in...
0:26:28 > 0:26:31she grew up in Liverpool, and there used to be, er...
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Welsh people used to come to Liverpool now and again.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Oh, I take it all back. Fair enough. Put us in there.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Well, let's have another look at Anne,
0:26:38 > 0:26:43because I think at one stage on Room 101 she actually sort of is
0:26:43 > 0:26:47slightly humble and actually quite praising of the Welsh.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48OK, let's take a look.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Over the years, being of Irish descent,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53where we're terribly ashamed of ourselves,
0:26:53 > 0:26:54so we can't sing like they do
0:26:54 > 0:26:58and we can't play rugby like they do, and we can't be clever
0:26:58 > 0:27:02like they are, so, I've just grown to dislike them more and more.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Too little, too late.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09The damage had been done. She's not human.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14Well, erm, I feel you really mean this, Steve.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17- HE LAUGHS - To a degree, yes.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I can't put mime in.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- Neither can I now, because I've seen the light.- Yes.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24And I'm off now. I will never speak again.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26And Bruno, as I think I have found tonight,
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- has managed to combine mime with speaking.- Yeah.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32That's very unusual.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37And I'm one of the people who talks in the cinema and stuff,
0:27:37 > 0:27:39so I can't put that in. But you know what?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42I'm going to put another padlock,
0:27:42 > 0:27:47and I am going to have Anne Robinson once again led into Room 101.
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Goodbye.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57And there she goes, returning to the vault.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Well done, Steve, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- so you're tonight's winner. - Thank you.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:24 > 0:28:27And thanks very much, Sue Perkins, Bruno Tonioli and Steve Jones,
0:28:27 > 0:28:31- and thank you, good night. - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE