0:00:26 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:35Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38the show where three guests compete to condemn
0:00:38 > 0:00:40their deepest dislikes to the dreaded room.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Our guests' choices have been sorted into categories
0:00:43 > 0:00:45and in each round only one item can be chosen.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Joining me tonight are comedian Tim Vine, Mr Strictly, Len Goodman,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54and actress Ronni Ancona.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58APPLAUSE
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Right, then, let's have our first category.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Going Out. OK, what doesn't Len like about going out?
0:01:18 > 0:01:20All foreign food.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24It all started with my grandad, really.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27He said, "Never eat anything you can't spell,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30"and never eat anything you wouldn't want to tread in".
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I've got to be honest, I'm not an expert on foreign food
0:01:35 > 0:01:37because I've never, ever had curry.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I've never had a curry, ever.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Wow.- Never?- Never, ever, and I've never had spaghetti.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Blimey.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47No. All that... and then the big, brown dollop.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49No, thanks.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I have with my mates on occasion had to go into these places.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54The first one was a Chinese...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Right.- ..and they all... I couldn't order,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58so they said, "We'll order it all for you",
0:01:58 > 0:02:00and they ordered aromatic duck,
0:02:00 > 0:02:03when it comes on, like, a little pancakey thing.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07So up came this basket and I picked it up,
0:02:07 > 0:02:09and I thought, "Oh, this is posh.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12"They're the towels that you wipe your face on".
0:02:15 > 0:02:17That was my first experience.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Yeah, you know, it's not as good as ham, egg and chips.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Not as good. Sushi. No.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30Cockles and muscles and maybe a winkle, lovely jubbly. Olives?
0:02:30 > 0:02:33I'll go for the olive. I don't know what that is.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Oh, that's a little samosa there.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Really?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40So, I've got to just tell you this,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43because they're very hospitable here on 101.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45They said, "Would you like something to eat?"
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I said, "Yeah, I'm starving," and I've kept the menu, right?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Oh, God.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53I promise this is the menu that was given to me.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Moroccan chicken tagine,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00vegetables and halloumi kebabs,
0:03:00 > 0:03:04roasted harrissa potato wedges, mint yoghurt,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06fresh herb and pomegranate tabbouleh.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10I was given ham and egg.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14They got the order wrong.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Can I...?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Can I just say that I use Moroccan chicken to help me count.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20It's my aba-cous-cous.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28Yeah, you know, I think we would all be healthier, fitter and happier
0:03:28 > 0:03:33if we could go back to those days with fish and chips...
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Oh, yes, eh?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Lovely.- Oh, you say that, but Brussels sprouts,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39they're like the grapes of the devil.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- I love them. Oh, no. - Evil little yellow hearts.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46I love a Brussel, and specially... My nan used to tear them up
0:03:46 > 0:03:50and put bits of bacon in... Oh, yum, yum, pig's bum, yes.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Love it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54You actually knew which part of the bacon it was.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Could it be...? Dare I say this, do you think this is
0:03:58 > 0:04:02a sort of an older generation view of foreign food?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05The old saying, you can't help how your mum put your hat on,
0:04:05 > 0:04:06and that's how it is.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09How you were brought up and grew up is how you are.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11That's an old saying, but only in your house.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Only in my...only I know it.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15That's dead on, yeah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I tell you what I've found as I get older as well, I can't really enjoy
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Alphabetti Spaghetti now unless I've got my reading glasses on.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Yeah.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29One thing about foreign food, it is quite versatile.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32This is just one of the things you can do with noodles.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37- What is...?- What is that?
0:04:37 > 0:04:38- It's Chewbacca.- Chewbacca.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Oh, it's Chewbacca!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41It's what? Chewing tobacco?
0:04:41 > 0:04:42No, it's Chewbacca.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Star Wars.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46No, it's Chewbacca from Star Wars.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Oh, yes. I see, yeah.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Yeah. Oh, yeah.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Oh, he's converted now.
0:04:53 > 0:04:59I do understand that there's a huge industry with Mexican food
0:04:59 > 0:05:01and Indian, Chinese...on and on.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03It's just that it is not my cup of tea.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Doesn't make me a bad person.- No.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Does it, everyone?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- AUDIENCE:- No.- Thank you.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14That was a party political broadcast on behalf of UKIP.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:22 > 0:05:25OK. Let's see what Tim doesn't like about going out.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Well, this is about karaoke.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Now, karaoke DJs is the thing I don't like, but it's a very specific
0:05:33 > 0:05:38type of karaoke DJ, because I absolutely love karaoke.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41It's the nearest I'm ever going to get to being a pop star.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I stand up in a pub in front of all these people
0:05:43 > 0:05:47singing Desperado and I just love it. Completely love it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49In fact, I did karaoke at the Vatican.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52London, Paris, New York, Munich, everybody talk about Pope music.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56The point is, as we know,
0:05:56 > 0:06:00the correct way that a karaoke DJ should do things is he says,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03"Right, Mark next, Mark next," so the person comes up and sings
0:06:03 > 0:06:06a song, goes down, and the karaoke DJ should say, "Next up, Sandra".
0:06:06 > 0:06:08The next person comes up.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10So you bring them on one after the other.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Another person, like this.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14But the karaoke DJ that I absolutely cannot stand is the person
0:06:14 > 0:06:17who says, "Mark next." The person comes up, right?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Then they go and sit back down again,
0:06:19 > 0:06:21and then there's, like, 200 people in the pub.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23We're all going, "Is it us next?"
0:06:23 > 0:06:26He's got a pile of things here that people have written on
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and he starts DJing.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29So suddenly he's going,
0:06:29 > 0:06:32"Holiday," and everyone is going, "Can we please...?"
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and then that stops. You think, "OK, great,"
0:06:34 > 0:06:37and then just when you think he's going to bring someone else up...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Can you feel the passion here?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Just when you think he's going to bring someone else up,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43he starts singing himself.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Not only that, he's got his own mic.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50So he pulls up a mic from...it's like a solid gold thing.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Turns out we've all been singing with some Fisher Price thing
0:06:52 > 0:06:55that doesn't make any kind of noise at all, and it's just...
0:06:55 > 0:06:56it's just so annoying.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58It can ruin an evening, completely ruin an evening.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I wonder, though, Tim,
0:07:00 > 0:07:04if he doesn't see himself as sort of leading by example, in a way.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07You know the way kings used to lead their countries into battle?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Isn't it a bit like that, that he's part of the...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13I suppose the modern equivalent would be Tom Daley on Splash.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18What would you normally do karaoke, first choice?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20I like to do Will Young songs,
0:07:20 > 0:07:23because I do a sort of Will Young kind of impression.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Mmm.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26# I'm here, just like I said
0:07:26 > 0:07:28# Ah, ah, ah. #
0:07:29 > 0:07:32# Think I'd better leave right now. #
0:07:32 > 0:07:34HE HUMS
0:07:36 > 0:07:39And the Bee Gees. I can do the Bee Gees as well.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40# I'm here. #
0:07:43 > 0:07:45The key, that's the scary thing.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I saw a man do... You know that...
0:07:47 > 0:07:49# You're just too good to be true? #
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- Yeah.- This was at a club in Birmingham,
0:07:51 > 0:07:53and he came onstage and he started...
0:07:53 > 0:07:55# You're just too. #
0:07:55 > 0:07:59And we all thought, "What about the bit that goes da-da?"
0:07:59 > 0:08:01He hasn't thought ahead, this guy.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04It got to the "ba-da, ba-da",
0:08:04 > 0:08:06we were all absolutely on the edge of our seat.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09"Ba-da." He still looked confident. "Ba!"
0:08:09 > 0:08:11And then he went...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14LAUGHTER
0:08:14 > 0:08:18And we all sort of went, "Argh!"
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Completely fell for it.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Japan, obviously, is the home of karaoke
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and because they've had it longer than us, they've developed it...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- It's become a bit more sophisticated.- Mmm.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33This is the stage that Japanese karaoke has reached now.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Terrifying.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I love the woman's face, the one who goes, "Oh!"
0:09:24 > 0:09:26with the joy of it all.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Anyway, let's see what Ronni doesn't like about going out.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Ah. Yes.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Small talk at parties.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Ah.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44Those kind of endless, sort of meaningless
0:09:44 > 0:09:48but polite conversations that you have to go through when you meet
0:09:48 > 0:09:52somebody that you don't know at a party, and I'm not very good at it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54They normally are things like...
0:09:54 > 0:09:57There's usually one, like, "Oh, where do you live?"
0:09:57 > 0:10:01"Oh, I live in Peckham." "Oh, I know Peckham.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Whereabouts?" "Oh, near the Sainsbury's."
0:10:04 > 0:10:06"Which one, because there are two?"
0:10:06 > 0:10:08"Er, yeah. Well, you know the Duke Of Devonshire pub?"
0:10:08 > 0:10:11"Oh, yes, I know, because a friend of mine, her cousin...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13"her cousin used to live round there."
0:10:13 > 0:10:17"Yeah, well, I'm not there. I'm Meredith Road."
0:10:17 > 0:10:19"No, I don't know that."
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I mean, it's not that I don't love people. Don't get me wrong.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Of course not. - It's just that life is too short.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29You just kind of, sort of, want to jump in with, you know,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31"Where do you stand on Nigel Farage?"
0:10:31 > 0:10:34On his windpipe, preferably.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:37 > 0:10:40I always used to start by saying, "Nice shoes,"
0:10:40 > 0:10:41if I was talking to a woman.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42I might write that down.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Yeah. "Nice shoes." Unfortunately they couldn't hear me.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46I was on the floor...
0:10:46 > 0:10:49LAUGHTER
0:10:49 > 0:10:51..usually in a pool of my own vomit.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53But, you know, different times.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Do you ever get that thing when you're talking to someone
0:10:55 > 0:10:57and they're looking over your shoulder to see
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- if there's anyone more interesting? - Yeah.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Yeah. Ever since I've been married that's happened.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06I wear this for such occasions.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10LAUGHTER
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Then they can't see... They can't see over my shoulders.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Brilliant.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19The great thing about this is
0:11:19 > 0:11:23if they turn out to be a bit on the boring side, you can...
0:11:29 > 0:11:31APPLAUSE
0:11:39 > 0:11:42OK. So, look. The problem is, Len, if I...
0:11:42 > 0:11:44No, don't start with that line.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Well, I actually like quite a bit of foreign food and...
0:11:48 > 0:11:51So what? You've got to get the big picture.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53It's not all me, me, me, is it?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56LAUGHER
0:11:56 > 0:11:58No...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Is it going to be like this every round?
0:12:00 > 0:12:01- Yes, every one.- OK.
0:12:01 > 0:12:05I don't like the people who take over with the karaoke thing
0:12:05 > 0:12:08because I think, yes, it should be a democracy
0:12:08 > 0:12:10and everyone should be able to join in.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- But I do think it's about time we put a stop to small talk.- Yes!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Why can't we go and just speak about the big things to people
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- and not need all that little trivial nonsense and stuff?- Yes.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22So I'm going to put small talk at parties into Room 101.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26APPLAUSE
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Next category, please.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43It's Modern Life.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45What doesn't Tim like about modern life?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Well...
0:12:51 > 0:12:53I can explain what's happening here.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55What I don't like about modern life,
0:12:55 > 0:12:57which I think is now exacerbated by the amount of prank shows
0:12:57 > 0:13:02there are on television nowadays, is the phrase "only joking".
0:13:02 > 0:13:05This phrase apparently means you can do anything, as long as you
0:13:05 > 0:13:08then say, "Only joking," afterwards, and then everything is all right.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11This is an example of a physical thing that can happen. Here I am.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16This is me here, and I'm quite slim there, and I've got a napkin.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I was playing tennis with a napkin.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I said, "Don't SERVIETTE."
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Anyway...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I was sitting having a lovely meal
0:13:25 > 0:13:29and this person here, he's pulled the chair away, I've fallen down,
0:13:29 > 0:13:33probably hurt my vertebrae, and he has gone, with a red nose
0:13:33 > 0:13:36there just to sort of underline it, he's gone, "Only joking".
0:13:36 > 0:13:39And I have to go, "Oh. Oh, right. OK,"
0:13:39 > 0:13:40but that's not a joke.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43A joke is - I went on a date with a girl called Simile.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45I don't know what I metaphor. That's a joke.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48LAUGHTER
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Also, there's no "only" about joking, is there?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Joking is quite a difficult craft.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56People should say, "I'm only being serious,"
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- because anybody can do that. - Well, you're right.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Your brother does serious television.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02You could go and do his job tomorrow.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Could he do yours? No.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08In case you don't know, Tim's brother is Sir Trevor McDonald.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11LAUGHTER
0:14:11 > 0:14:13But sometimes the joke...
0:14:13 > 0:14:16A friend of mine went out with a girl and she...I'm going to have
0:14:16 > 0:14:20to say her name but it'll be fine because she laughed about it after.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Her name was Alison Pearce and she had...
0:14:23 > 0:14:27she had quite big, sticky out... And we went on holiday,
0:14:27 > 0:14:30me and my mate, and he sent her a postcard and he wrote,
0:14:30 > 0:14:34"To Ms A Pearce", and then he wrote in brackets,
0:14:34 > 0:14:35"Ape ears".
0:14:37 > 0:14:39And she split up with him.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44So sometimes you have to do the joke because it's so good.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Yeah, but that's...in that situation, that's...
0:14:47 > 0:14:48She's the one with the problem there,
0:14:48 > 0:14:50because that's a funny joke, I think.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Yeah. I would sacrifice a relationship for a joke that good.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55- Exactly.- Absolutely.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Got to get your priorities right.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00OK, well, let's see what Len doesn't like about modern life.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Choice.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13There is too much choice of everything.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17I don't care where you go, what you're buying -
0:15:17 > 0:15:21toothpaste, milk, jeans - everything.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24My old Sue said, "On your way home, get some milk."
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I thought, "OK." In I went.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30There's whole fat.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34There's semi-skimmed, totally skimmed, 1%,
0:15:34 > 0:15:38homogenised, or something, Jersey milk...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Just milk. It just comes out of a cow.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43All you want is a bottle of milk, but no.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45It's ludicrous.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48I went into a very well known department store -
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and hold my gaze - and I did a bit of research.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I haven't even met your gaze.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57I said to the bloke who was folding up some jeans, I said,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59"How many different jeans are there?"
0:15:59 > 0:16:01He said, "I'm not sure. About 27."
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Say something.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06LAUGHTER
0:16:06 > 0:16:07How can that be?
0:16:07 > 0:16:12It's the blight of - not just mine - everyone's life.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15You could turn the biggest supermarket back into a corner shop
0:16:15 > 0:16:17if you just got rid...
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Don't get me started on butter.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Well, let me give you some facts and figures.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25You'll like this, Len.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- Only if it's positive on my side. - Well, I think...
0:16:28 > 0:16:33Before I carry on, I'm very disappointed with my figure.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Look, it's a cut-off of me and...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37look at the artistry in this.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42He's got a pizza, he's got a knife...
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Look what I get.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Now, we actually had three or four good ones
0:16:46 > 0:16:48but we knew you wouldn't want to choose.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:56 > 0:16:59So, now, here we go. You'll like this, Len.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Tesco sell 352 types of bread.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06No. That's unbelievable.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Need I say more?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Hold it. I haven't finished yet.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15Marks & Spencer have 77 types of men's white shirts.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Is it not ludicrous?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Do you feel the same about choices in menus and things like that?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Yeah, because I only want ham, egg and chips, don't I?
0:17:24 > 0:17:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Can I ask, is part of the reason you don't like choice
0:17:30 > 0:17:32because you don't like decisions, or is that...?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34No. Listen, I'm on Strictly.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38I make an instant decision about footwork, posture, hold,
0:17:38 > 0:17:42movement, fluidity, rhythmic interpretation.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- Give over, Tim. No. - I was only joking.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Anyway...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54What doesn't Ronni like about modern life?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Well, I am absolutely incensed
0:18:02 > 0:18:06about Christmas coming early.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Now, Christmas used to have the good grace to start just after
0:18:11 > 0:18:16Halloween, but now it's getting earlier and earlier and earlier.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20And the build-up...the build-up doesn't warrant the day,
0:18:20 > 0:18:24because really, the day, basically, we just all eat too much,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27drink too much and watch too much television.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I think it would be less bad in Scandinavian countries
0:18:29 > 0:18:32where at least at Christmas they have these lovely ceremonies
0:18:32 > 0:18:35where they're naked and they go into the woods and whip each other
0:18:35 > 0:18:39with holly and twigs and dance like fairies and things like that.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42The other thing is, Frank, I think that time is going
0:18:42 > 0:18:45so fast it's almost surreal.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48So somebody putting Christmas at July is some sort of...
0:18:48 > 0:18:50screws with my head.
0:18:50 > 0:18:51It's the cruellest thing.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55I just feel like I've finished drying up the washing up
0:18:55 > 0:18:56from last Christmas.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Is nobody with me on this?
0:18:59 > 0:19:00No, I'm with you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Thank you. Thank you, darling.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Well, I don't think you'll... This is an advent calendar.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Would you have an advent calendar? - That's all right!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Yeah. I don't know if you'll like this one.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I sort of grew up like this,
0:19:23 > 0:19:27because my mum used to put the veg on in November.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30LAUGHTER
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- So, erm...- Len's nan did.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Yeah, she used to put the turkey on about two in the morning,
0:19:35 > 0:19:37and one year was a disaster.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39The blooming thing wouldn't go in the oven.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42She had to take the legs off and do them separate.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Yeah, and then she'd go down every couple of hours and,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I don't know, baste it, or whatever you do.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48All night long it used to take.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50And after all that work, Len wouldn't eat it
0:19:50 > 0:19:52because it was named after a foreign country.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56So...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59I know what you mean about "only joking",
0:19:59 > 0:20:02but to be honest, it's a phrase that I've often been glad of,
0:20:02 > 0:20:07having been cruel to people, so I don't really want to get rid of it.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11And I don't mind Christmas coming early.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14You know what, Len? We don't need all this choice.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17We don't need it. We'd be perfectly happy if we could get
0:20:17 > 0:20:19a pint of milk, or whatever it was,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and you speak tremendous sense on this subject.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26I am going to put choice into Room 101.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29APPLAUSE
0:20:38 > 0:20:41Right, let's have our next category.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50It's the Wildcard. There's no restraints of categories.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52You can pick anything at all that you don't like.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54What is Len's wildcard?
0:20:59 > 0:21:00The metric system.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06Oh, the metric system is the bane of my whole life.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Honestly, it's a nonsense.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12You ask anyone in this room, "How tall are you?"
0:21:12 > 0:21:16They'd say, "I'm 5 foot 8," "6 foot 1..."
0:21:16 > 0:21:18There would be no metric involved.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I'm not 1 metre 92, or whatever the numbers are.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Plus the weather forecast is ruined.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27LAUGHTER
0:21:27 > 0:21:30With Fahrenheit it was warmer, 100%.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:34 > 0:21:36It's a nonsense.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Frank, trust me.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39I do trust you, Len.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Why? Help the aged a bit.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45We were growing up with...
0:21:45 > 0:21:48And I guess that's the date when it all kicked off.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Yeah. This is the date when Britain's currency went decimal.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Yeah, but only half-hearted. You go into a petrol station,
0:21:55 > 0:21:58fill up, or whatever, 20 litres.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Then someone says, "What do you get to the gallon?"
0:22:02 > 0:22:04What? I don't know.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06How many litres in a gallon? Come on.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Cough up. No-one knows.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10It's a mystery.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Someone must know, Len.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I have to say, the one hole I'd pick in your argument here
0:22:17 > 0:22:22is that Strictly does operate on a decimal system.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- It is marks out of ten.- Oh, yeah.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29So when you want to give 70% you go, "Seven", whereas
0:22:29 > 0:22:31if you had an imperial thing you'd have to go,
0:22:31 > 0:22:33"Eight and two-fifths".
0:22:33 > 0:22:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:40 > 0:22:43I'll be honest, I never worked out what an acre was.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45I mean, that is an old-fashioned term.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Yeah, and when I was kid there was rods, poles and perches.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49What were they?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Any old people in here? Rods, poles and perches?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- AUDIENCE:- Yes!- See?
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Were they on Rainbow?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57LAUGHTER
0:22:57 > 0:22:59The thing I've never understood,
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I'll go into a shop for a new outfit.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Say I'm going to a wedding with my girlfriend.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06We go and get an outfit together.
0:23:06 > 0:23:13I'll say, "15½ collar, 42 regular chest, 32 waist, 30 inside leg."
0:23:13 > 0:23:16She says, "12," and they know it all.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22Actually, can I do that again, in which I say, "She says 10?"
0:23:22 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Yeah.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30What is Ronni's wildcard?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Photographs.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37- Now, this is...- Wow.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Yes, I know, it's quite a large catchment area,
0:23:40 > 0:23:44but there's several things I want to say about photographs.
0:23:44 > 0:23:49Firstly, right, they make me feel so inadequate, in that you go into
0:23:49 > 0:23:55people's houses and all along their hall and all up their landing,
0:23:55 > 0:23:59there are hundreds of beautifully framed pictures of their family.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02They've got so many pictures of their kids they must take them
0:24:02 > 0:24:04literally every 20 seconds,
0:24:04 > 0:24:07they've got to take a picture of their kid, and they frame it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Less of a photo display, more like stopgap animation.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15You literally...if you run up the stairs, it's like a film.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18It's not that I don't have photos of my children.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21You know, I have got a couple, in their passports.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27But, you know...and it just makes me feel inadequate.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Before you move on, I have some examples of family photos
0:24:30 > 0:24:34which I think you may learn from and maybe be inspired by.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Yes.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38These are families who have gone to an effort with their family photos.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40First one.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Yes!
0:24:42 > 0:24:45That's brilliant. That is a mountain of denim.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48That's exactly what I mean.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You know occasionally you're taking a photo
0:24:50 > 0:24:54and something goes wrong and you actually capture it in the photo?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Look at this family shot.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Who wants to be in the middle of that?!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That's so fantastic.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10One of my favourite ones are photos on the beach, you know.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13I love that. The family holidaying together.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15This one I especially like.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18AUDIENCE: Oh...
0:25:19 > 0:25:22To me, I think that's a better family shot.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Can I say, before we move on, that child was not...
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Hurt in the making of that photograph.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31They said he cried for two minutes but then he was all right.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36So, anyway, what's Tim's wildcard?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Aww, that's lovely.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Now, you've got to admit, Len, that's a work of art.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49LAUGHTER
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Basically, it is...
0:25:55 > 0:25:58and if I just pull that there you'll see me there.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Those are my eyes there.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Cats in my garden.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Aww... Aww!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08APPLAUSE
0:26:08 > 0:26:12Basically, I don't like cats anyway, but I cannot stand
0:26:12 > 0:26:16cats in my garden, because... I mean, it's the sort of arrogance.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Cats are very kind of arrogant animals.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20In the morning I come downstairs, I open the curtains,
0:26:20 > 0:26:23and often there'll be a cat in my garden,
0:26:23 > 0:26:27and it's the way he looks at me, as if to say, "What?"
0:26:27 > 0:26:29as if I shouldn't be looking at him.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I kind of look back and, you know...
0:26:32 > 0:26:35And then on top of that, obviously, you know, they poo everywhere.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40I mean it's just... How is this acceptable, that someone could buy
0:26:40 > 0:26:44an animal that can then roam off to other people's gardens and just lie
0:26:44 > 0:26:47around pooing and generally seeming as though they own the place?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Why is that? I mean, imagine if my neighbour threw open
0:26:51 > 0:26:54the curtains and there was I in their back garden.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57LAUGHTER
0:26:57 > 0:26:59I mean, it's just not right, is it?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Well, I know if you run a cat over you don't have to report it,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05but if you run a dog over, you have to report it to the police.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06- A cat, you don't have to.- Yes.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09You could probably stretch that to a sit-down lawnmower.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11LAUGHTER
0:27:11 > 0:27:13That's true. That is a good idea.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I think it all...
0:27:15 > 0:27:18That's not comparable, though, because, I mean, you know,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21when you poo in your neighbour's garden, you don't bury it.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23They do.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25They don't, actually.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Cats don't bury their poo, do they?
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- No. They do that little gesture. - They do a...
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Yeah. They go, "You do it". They go like that.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35LAUGHTER
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Well, look...
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I don't think you can put photos into Room 101,
0:27:41 > 0:27:43because think of all the beautiful,
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- lovely photos that would have to go as well.- No, don't make me feel bad.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48And cats...I seem to remember
0:27:48 > 0:27:51when I was a kid there was a thing called roving commission,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53which was a special sort of rule for cats
0:27:53 > 0:27:55that they can go where they like.
0:27:55 > 0:27:58I like that they've got that kind of freedom,
0:27:58 > 0:28:02that they broke free, that they're rebels in that respect.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05But you know, decimalisation... Len, you're right.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07It's neither one thing nor the other.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11It's feet and inches and then it's kilos and grams and all that,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14and it confuses me. It confuses you.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17It confuses all of us, and it's going into Room 101.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21APPLAUSE
0:28:30 > 0:28:32And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Well done, Len, you were the most persuasive guest tonight,
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- so you are this week's winner.- Well!
0:28:36 > 0:28:39APPLAUSE
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Thanks very much, Tim Vine, Len Goodman and Ronni Ancona
0:28:42 > 0:28:45and thank you. Goodnight.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47APPLAUSE AND CHEERING