0:00:25 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:32 > 0:00:37Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:37 > 0:00:41the show where three guests compete to get their pet hates exiled
0:00:41 > 0:00:43forever to the dreaded vault.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Joining me tonight are queen of the dance floor Claudia Winkleman,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51king of the questions John Humphrys, and joker in the pack Russell Kane.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05And so to another instalment of Game Of Moans.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06LAUGHTER
0:01:06 > 0:01:08- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Hey-hey!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10It was. It was good. I know it was good.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:01:11 > 0:01:13No, don't go too far.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17OK. So, what is John's choice?
0:01:23 > 0:01:24AUDIENCE WHOOPS
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Go, Johnny. Go, Johnny.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- I've lost already, haven't I?- No.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37It's all over. Whooping in audiences.... Shall I leave now?
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- No.- Come on, that was pretty good by the audience. Fair play.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43I'll say.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Straight in there.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It's awful. Do you know what?
0:01:46 > 0:01:47You're not going to believe this.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51It'll shock you to the very core of your being, Frank, my dear fellow.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Gardeners' Question Time on Radio 4. Haloed institution.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- Any of you listen to it?- Yes. - Of course you do.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Whoo!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08I'm so regretting this.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12All the things I could have put in...
0:02:12 > 0:02:17Anyway, Gardeners' Question Time, at the end of the programme, somebody
0:02:17 > 0:02:25in a Radio 4 audience, the home service of the BBC, went, "Whoo!"
0:02:25 > 0:02:26I mean it wasn't a big one.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28You know, but it was a... it was a...
0:02:28 > 0:02:30It might have been an owl.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- That is... That is hard to... - It is.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- Yeah.- It is. And I thought, "That's it. It's all over".
0:02:37 > 0:02:38I never get whoops.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Do you ever get whoops, Russell, when you're on stage?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- When you first walk on... - No, I never get whoops.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46A whoop and cheer. That staring, menacing silence.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47There's Frank.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50For me a good reception is
0:02:50 > 0:02:53if they're all generally looking in my direction.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58What about a nativity, and your child...
0:02:58 > 0:02:59and he's absolutely brilliant.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Is it just not...
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Oh, God, no. You don't applaud them at all.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I mean, children have to be brought up to face the real world, and
0:03:09 > 0:03:13if you start applauding them, where will it all... They'll expect it.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I think I would have whooped at THE Nativity.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Oh, yeah. God, yeah.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21I think that's fair enough. Quite a big event.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22And she's a virgin. Amazing.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Whoo!
0:03:24 > 0:03:28One of the things I do like is when an audience...when they're
0:03:28 > 0:03:33quiet, but they've taken the trouble to write signs, so they can
0:03:33 > 0:03:36do it beautifully in silence, but make quite interesting points.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- Are you aware of this phenomenon? - No.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43This is a woman cheering the crowds on in an American marathon.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- That's brilliant. - That's better than any whoop.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I think that's fantastic.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55I went to the London Marathon.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58You know people have their names on their back so you can cheer them?
0:03:58 > 0:04:03I shouted "Flora" about five times before I worked out...
0:04:04 > 0:04:08And this one, incredibly, is at an ice hockey game.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17That's quite advanced irony for an American.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18That's so funny.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Do you know what I find produces a whoop from a British audience, because of our humour?
0:04:22 > 0:04:23It's when something goes wrong.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Like one of the best gigs I've ever had was when I fell off stage,
0:04:26 > 0:04:30and as soon as I got back up, everyone was like, "I know it's wrong, because he's crippled
0:04:30 > 0:04:34"and he'll never perform again, but that is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36"Whoo! His leg's broken".
0:04:36 > 0:04:38I've been in what I would like to call show business
0:04:38 > 0:04:41for nearly 30 years, but without doubt the biggest cheer
0:04:41 > 0:04:45I ever got was when I dropped my full tray in the school dinner hall.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- That's what I'm talking about. - That's exactly right.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- It was deafening. Deafening. - When you're on holiday you learn the hard way.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57It's not culturally normal to cheer when a glass is dropped.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00If you're in Italy, "Whey! Pick it up, you idiot.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02"Oh, sorry, mate. Sorry, sorry."
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- ITALIAN ACCENT:- "My glass is destroyed. It makes no sense. Why you cheering?"
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Where we come from we cheer at disaster because we're so uptight.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13We love it.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Just one clip from America I have to show.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22This is how to guarantee an ecstatic response from an audience.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25We've all tried to get that, but this, absolutely guaranteed.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- This is Oprah Winfrey, showing how it's done.- Oh.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Cue the drumroll. All right, open your boxes.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Open your boxes. One, two, three.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34ALL SCREAM
0:05:37 > 0:05:39You get a car. You get a car.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41You get a car. You get a car.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Everybody gets a car.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Everybody gets a car!
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Simple as that.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Look at John's face. Horrified.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Yeah. We're going to try it on Today next week.- Yeah.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02We're certainly not trying it tonight.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04LAUGHTER AND BOOING
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- That's how to do it. - It's pretty...- Yeah. That's class.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- It's pretty special, I must say. - Yeah.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15OK, then. Let's find out what's winding up Russell Kane.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21LAUGHTER
0:06:24 > 0:06:25WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:32 > 0:06:33This genuinely wasn't planned.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37This is one thing I would like to put in Room 101,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39is men who get grumpier with age.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41What?!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Not because I've got any problems with these men,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47although it would be nice to be around men in their 50s,
0:06:47 > 0:06:4960s and 70s who are happy all the time.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53It's just that I think men would be healthier, happier creatures,
0:06:53 > 0:06:55if we weren't so miserable. Most men - not all men.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Now and again you do see a happy old man, but it...it's something you stop and point at in the street.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02You see like a Norman Wisdom, "Look at that happy old man. It's amazing."
0:07:02 > 0:07:05"I don't know. I don't know what the secret is. I've always been like it."
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Most men are walking along, going, "What am I like?"
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Some men get so miserable they can only laugh, you know, if they
0:07:12 > 0:07:15see, I don't know, if they see a car written off on the M25 motorway.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17"Look at the state of that Jaguar.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19"That'll never run again. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
0:07:21 > 0:07:25We live, men of this country, five to seven years less than women.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Doesn't happen in every country. - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Whoo!
0:07:28 > 0:07:32And my theory... It's women cheering! My theory is this.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34We think ourselves to death. Yeah?
0:07:34 > 0:07:38The less happy you are, the less likely you are to live a long and happy life.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Lonely people die before. Now, we know that on the whole women
0:07:41 > 0:07:44tend to be - not always - more emotionally connected than men.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47If they've got a problem they get their friends over.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49"Hey, I got Claud over. I got Tess over. We talked about the problem.
0:07:49 > 0:07:55"There wasn't a solution, but we lit a candle, and do you know? I feel better just for talking about it."
0:07:55 > 0:07:57- Whereas men... - Because that's how it works.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Whereas men will be like, "I have a problem.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02"I'm going to hold it inside till it's a diamond then poo it out and die".
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Now, the evidence is, in cultures,
0:08:07 > 0:08:10like parts of Sicily, Sardinia, Japan, where there
0:08:10 > 0:08:12are villages where men can't sort of do that isolation thing,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15"I need time on my own", and the houses are full of aunts and grandmas
0:08:15 > 0:08:19and daughters, the men's mortality rate equalises with the women.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23We are literally, by being grumpy, thinking ourselves to death.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25We go, "I'm not going to speak to anyone".
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Heart attack, death at 60, leaving behind a generation of women,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30relatively young these days, who then have to pretend to grieve.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34"How will I survive without the miserable sod? What a disaster."
0:08:34 > 0:08:38"How will I go on without Barry mocking my parking? How will I survive?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41"You can park forever in the crematorium. Goodbye, Barry."
0:08:43 > 0:08:44End of point.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Um, so your theory is that women are happier as they get older.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- Statistically they are. - Really?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Without getting too macabre and...
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- I think women get quite grumpy as they... - Yes, I would agree with that.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04I'm going on the stats.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06This is anecdotal evidence,
0:09:06 > 0:09:10but I was once in St Mark's Square in Venice, and I'd already been
0:09:10 > 0:09:15bitten by a mosquito the previous day, and it had gone... I'd had
0:09:15 > 0:09:20a reaction to it and it had swollen into a sort of Scooby-Doo type lump.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22And I was sitting in St Mark's Square
0:09:22 > 0:09:27and another mosquito came and bit me on the end of the same lump.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31And that is the only time I've ever seen my girlfriend truly happy.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38She wept. She wept with laughter.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It was like a different person. Her face changed.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48So I'm not sure it's generally true about women not getting...
0:09:48 > 0:09:52I'm not... I'm saying it's mostly true for our culture.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56The other interesting thing about... You know when you try to mediate and try and get in the moment?
0:09:56 > 0:10:00A woman can go, "Do you know what? That's over there, that's over there, but I'm here".
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Better than a man, who's like, "That's over there. I'm thinking about it.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06"I'm going to let it ruin my day, focusing on what's coming tomorrow."
0:10:06 > 0:10:10"Come back to the present moment." "I can't. I'm a man. I'm focused on the misery in the future."
0:10:11 > 0:10:14That's something else we can work on.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Or you could set about finding a different group of men to associate with.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Well, I'd have to emigrate, unfortunately, to Sardinia.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Yeah, right. Good.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25LAUGHTER
0:10:28 > 0:10:32Yeah, John is actually offering to sponsor you on that.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35It's that kind of hatred that's taking years off your life, John.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Actually, here's an interesting...
0:10:38 > 0:10:41This is the idea of using age as a punishment.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44There's a barber in America who offers,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48if your child has been naughty, as a punishment he will give him
0:10:48 > 0:10:50the haircut of a middle-aged man.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- No.- Honestly. Honestly. Look.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- This kid...- Fantastic.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57..who looks quite a sweet kid. He was a bit naughty.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59His mum took him in for this.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02LAUGHTER
0:11:04 > 0:11:05No.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09It's absolutely true.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10That is fantastic.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Is that true? He just didn't go bald overnight or something?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Absolutely true.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19And let's have a look at Claudia's choice.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Yeah. I know. I don't like summer.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I don't like what it does to people.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34Like, normal people, suddenly it gets a tiny bit sunny, "Ooh!"
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Out comes some paisley, weird maxi-dress.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40People's toes... I don't approve of flip-flops.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I don't like the communal joy, really.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45I don't like a picnic.
0:11:45 > 0:11:50I don't like the fact that it's even a bit warm, and they're lying out.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52"Come on." I don't like the clothes.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I like wearing a high-neck,
0:11:54 > 0:11:57heather-grey coat with a knee-length boot.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59I like marching through a bit of rain.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I like spring. I like autumn.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I think summer is a nonsense.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04FAINT APPLAUSE
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Two people applauded.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09You must like flying ant day.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16One day there's no flying ants, and then they're just everywhere.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- Yeah.- I mean, it's incredible.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I'm not saying it has to be freezing cold all the time.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24I don't mind an open-neck...
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Like, if you want to wear a short-sleeve T-shirt, I'm not
0:12:26 > 0:12:32going to argue with you, in May, but then suddenly it's August.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37People are wearing a cropped top, and it's all the happiness,
0:12:37 > 0:12:39the picnics.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40I don't like it.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Is it the happiness that really gets you? People looking happy.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45John's warming to this one.
0:12:47 > 0:12:48I've got him.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52I like a bit of shade, but I never understand.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57If you go abroad, often people will carry an umbrella if it's a hot day.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00It's very sensible, but there's something about
0:13:00 > 0:13:02in Britain people think, "No, that's for rain.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05"I'm not using that". I tell you what I take.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09If it's a really bright day, this is what I use for shade.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10LAUGHTER
0:13:13 > 0:13:15APPLAUSE
0:13:19 > 0:13:21I need one of those.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23That would get me through the summer.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Oh, this is so... I'm so cool now under here.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Absolutely lovely.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32What about... Would you wear this on the beach?
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Oh! No! That's so wrong.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- He's so wrong as well. - That is so tacky.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I can't believe he's wearing a marijuana necklace.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Well, I know you're a boots lady.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Yeah.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54These are.... Now, you can send away
0:13:54 > 0:13:57your cowboy boots to a place in America,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59and they turn them into summer-wear.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10That's the best thing I've ever seen.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13There you go. I don't know.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I've gone a bit Tales Of Beatrix Potter as I demonstrate.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19You look like you're about to Riverdance.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Yeah. They really let the air...
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Breezy.- Yeah.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Hello.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Crippling me.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- They're amazing. - Yes. See, am I winning you over?
0:14:32 > 0:14:33No.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39Anyway. Summer. I must admit, I know what you mean.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40I know what you mean about summer.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43I don't like...you know that sweat... Well, you wouldn't.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44I hate it.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51I also... I enjoy grumpiness in old men so much,
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I don't know why they haven't made a TV show about it.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59There's something lovely about miserable people.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02You have to have that mix of light and dark.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06No-one loves applause more than I do.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09I spend my whole life more or less begging for it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14But whooping, I have to say, I think it's gone too far.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16It's fine in America, but here it just feels wrong.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20So I am going to put whooping audiences into Room 101.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22AUDIENCE WHOOPS AND APPLAUDS
0:15:32 > 0:15:37Righty-o. And so we move on.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Let's see what Russell has got up his sleeve.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47Yeah. Fussy eaters. That's what I want to put in.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50One of the sentences I hate most in the world is,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52"I don't like it." Particularly if you go, "Have you tried it?"
0:15:52 > 0:15:54"No, I just know I won't like it."
0:15:56 > 0:15:57It really annoys me.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00We are privileged to live in a wealthy country.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01We're lucky to have food.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Fussy eating is not a natural state of affairs. No, it isn't.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06"When I was little my mum tried giving me spinach,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10"but I would eject it out and I would only eat potato waffles."
0:16:11 > 0:16:13It's a lot of nonsense.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17I was brought up with a method that will lead to people being unfussy.
0:16:17 > 0:16:22My mum did this technique. "There's your dinner. Brussels sprouts. Nice balanced meal. Bit of mince."
0:16:22 > 0:16:24"Right, I'm not eating it. Don't like sprouts."
0:16:24 > 0:16:26"OK. You can go and play." There was no punishment.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28There was no dessert.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Next day, "I'm still not eating it". OK, no punishment.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34By day three you're starting to get a little bit peckish, yeah?
0:16:34 > 0:16:37By day four, "Where are those Brussels sprouts, Mama?
0:16:37 > 0:16:39"They look tasty", because you can feel your ribs.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42What it's called is - you get what you're given. Right?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44And you learn to be unfussy.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47Funny how it doesn't crop up in countries that don't have enough food.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50"I cannot eat the goat meat. I want a potato waffle."
0:16:53 > 0:16:54We're lucky to be where we are.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Fussy eaters need to go in Room 101. I rest my case.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Yeah.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06My problem is with sweets. That's the one that gets me,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08because you'd think with sweets everyone is happy.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10You offer someone sweets, say if they're,
0:17:10 > 0:17:14like, Fruit Gums, Fruit Pastilles, and if there's a green one or
0:17:14 > 0:17:18a yellow one on the top of the tube, they'll say, "Oh, I'll wait."
0:17:21 > 0:17:26I think it's such a strong argument, because it has to stop.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27It really has to stop.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30How do you feel about allergies? People who can't eat wheat, gluten...
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Allergies is completely different.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Obviously if you can't physically eat something that's
0:17:34 > 0:17:38completely different. I'm talking about, "I don't like spinach."
0:17:38 > 0:17:41They're the same kids that don't sit in a high chair in a restaurant as well.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44"We tried, but it was like his back was reacting, so we've released
0:17:44 > 0:17:47"him into the restaurant to spoil everyone else's dining experience."
0:17:47 > 0:17:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I'm going to have to put myself in this category,
0:17:56 > 0:18:00because I will eat... I like to think of myself as a man
0:18:00 > 0:18:04who'll eat anything, but I have... there is one limitation.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Something that I just - I won't take on.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It's the... It's that little end nodule.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I can't.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20No parent could have forced me to eat that.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Anyway, what's Claudia's choice?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Skiing.- Wow.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Yeah. Oh, come on. We had a deal.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35You were going to be on my side.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I only went once, but here's the thing.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40You have to wake up early.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43You put on genuinely the most disgusting clothes you've
0:18:43 > 0:18:45ever seen in your life.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Padded, multicoloured - this one's got a picture of a rat on it.
0:18:48 > 0:18:53This has got stripes and circles. Anyway, salopettes.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Then you have to put on these massive things,
0:18:55 > 0:18:56which we shouldn't be wearing.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Huge metal things that you can't walk in.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Then you go on the ski lift.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02That alone is terrifying.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I was just like this, holding on.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Went round it for seven days. No, come on.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Then you physically exert yourself.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Why would anybody ever do that? You go down.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15It's incredibly dangerous. Slushy.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Then you have to take it off.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19At the end there's some sort of revolting alcohol that makes
0:19:19 > 0:19:22people, you know, throw up in their boots.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I don't understand skiing. Why does anybody go skiing?
0:19:24 > 0:19:28It's a gazillion pounds. You smell of cheese.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33I mean, I admit, I do associate it with the super-cool
0:19:33 > 0:19:36and the super-beautiful, and that's why I sort of like it,
0:19:36 > 0:19:40because I like the idea of them putting themselves in grave danger.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43But I've never been.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46It's always seemed like something that other people do, I must admit.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- It's ridiculous.- Yeah.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51And it's all lip-gloss. They've all got lip-gloss on.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Straight mouth, and... - SHE MUTTERS
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Nobody spends any time with their kids.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59"In you go. In you go, Lucifer. In you go.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03"In you go. Good luck. Don't break anything.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04"Mummy's going up.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08"I'll bring him up. Feed him.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12"Feed him. I'll bring him up later."
0:20:14 > 0:20:16It's for tools.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Actually, I've got a lovely photo of a man,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28my favourite photo ever of a man on a ski lift.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Look at this poor chap. This is genuine.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38He slipped in such a way that it ripped down his trousers.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Oh, my God.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Wait for it. Wait for it.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43He was there for 15 minutes.
0:20:45 > 0:20:50His private parts got so cold they started to operate as wind chimes.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Can I say, he was safe, by the way?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58He was OK, so it's all right to laugh.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03What about these guys braving the cold weather?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09What's incredible about that is they all needed
0:21:09 > 0:21:11a plaster in exactly the same place.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16So, John, what have you got?
0:21:20 > 0:21:21What?!
0:21:21 > 0:21:22AUDIENCE GROANS
0:21:22 > 0:21:23SOLITARY APPLAUSE
0:21:23 > 0:21:25SOLITARY WHOOP
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Ooh, you've split the crowd.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31All professional sport. Not all sport.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- No.- No. All professional sport.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Take yourself back, Frank, to the old days
0:21:37 > 0:21:41when you were no but a lad, and your local football team -
0:21:41 > 0:21:44you have one called, I think, West Ham United.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Whoo!
0:21:45 > 0:21:46West Bromwich...
0:21:46 > 0:21:48..Bromwich Albion.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49LAUGHTER
0:21:50 > 0:21:51There's a difference?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Can I tell you, you are not going to win this round?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01West Ham, West Brom, they're all the same, aren't they?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03AUDIENCE GROANS
0:22:04 > 0:22:11They each consist of 11, 15, however, men...
0:22:13 > 0:22:18..in a manner of speaking, grossly overpaid, sitting around waiting for
0:22:18 > 0:22:23a foreign club to pay them a vast, unimaginable amount of money, so
0:22:23 > 0:22:30that they can desert the team that has nurtured them over the years.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Yeah?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33This is less true of West Bromwich Albion.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Only, Frank, because it's a rubbish team that hasn't got enough money.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Well, you...- Now, here's...
0:22:45 > 0:22:49You can't condemn the money and then say we're rubbish because we don't have enough.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- Here's the point, Frank.- Go on.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55If some sort of Saudi Arabian oligarch, for instance, just
0:22:55 > 0:22:59to think of the sort of person we're all genuinely sympathetic towards,
0:22:59 > 0:23:04instinctively, with many billions to spare, decided it was going to...
0:23:04 > 0:23:10he was going to buy West Bram, or West Bomb, or whatever it's called,
0:23:10 > 0:23:16and said he's going to put £500 billion into it, all of a sudden,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19within a year, you'd be the best team in the world,
0:23:19 > 0:23:20because of the money.
0:23:20 > 0:23:26All of a sudden, gone, finished, pride in your community is all over.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Pride in the players is all over,
0:23:28 > 0:23:33because that bloke who's struggling desperately to take his two little
0:23:33 > 0:23:37boys to the game can't afford it, obviously, but he's damned if he's
0:23:37 > 0:23:43going to let them miss it, knowing that his week's wages has gone
0:23:43 > 0:23:49to pay about 30 seconds of the wages of that overpaid tos... that overpaid...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54..gentleman on the pitch, who is failing to put the ball in the net.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55APPLAUSE
0:24:03 > 0:24:08Well... I'm still savouring the idea of that big rich Arab coming
0:24:08 > 0:24:09and buying the club.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14I agree it's getting very, very expensive.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I mean, the amount of money now it costs for a country to
0:24:17 > 0:24:18buy the World Cup...
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- ..is outrageous.- Yeah.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I know what you mean, though, about amateur sport.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29There is something about it which is more down to earth.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Take this rodeo, for example.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52So, anyway... Well, look, this won't take long. I'm not putting all professional sport in.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55What am I going to do with my time?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58And fussy eaters, I know what you mean.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59But skiing, it's in!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Yes.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02APPLAUSE
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Right, we've just got time to hear a bonus choice,
0:25:15 > 0:25:19so let's see what Claudia has gone for.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Foreheads.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Well, now I feel bad, because you have...you know,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34you're all... you're all sporting foreheads.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37My head looks something like a light bulb.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40It looks like my neck has had a really good idea.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45No, look, it's adorable.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Yours is adorable, but the others need to go.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Well, I haven't seen my forehead since '86.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53No-one has.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58I don't know what's up there. Squirrels. Um, Lego.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01I don't... I don't know.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Can we look?
0:26:02 > 0:26:06We were hoping you had a small string at the side that you pull.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- I don't think you want to see. - I do, badly.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Is it the same colour as the rest of your face?
0:26:12 > 0:26:13No.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Pale forehead. Put it down, put it down.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20That's an interesting take, Russell.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Um...
0:26:21 > 0:26:24She was about to show us. Do we want to see?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- AUDIENCE:- Yes! - Come on.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Are you ready? - I am ready, yeah. More than ready.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31You're going to need to hold hands for this.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Argh!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38I mean, that's disgusting. Let's pretend that never happened.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40It just feels like a large...
0:26:40 > 0:26:43like, already that is making me very nervous.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45If you put a fringe on this human,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49suddenly I want to go out with him, I want to share chicken.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Let's get married.
0:26:50 > 0:26:58I don't like the... Just, there's a veiny, big arena of skin,
0:26:58 > 0:27:03like, open skin, and soon my fringe will just sweep...
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I would like to part it in order to speak, and then release.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09So, yeah, I don't like a forehead.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13But if men had fringes like that, especially men of...ahem.
0:27:13 > 0:27:18How can I put this? A certain age, um...cover the wrinkles.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20It would be good. Cover their wrinkles, make them more...
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- Let's try it.- Oh, wow!
0:27:25 > 0:27:26Yes.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29What do you think?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32That's what I'm saying.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33I couldn't... I couldn't...
0:27:33 > 0:27:36What's it worth? Can I...?
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Are you sure that's a head wig?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Well, if it isn't, it fits perfectly.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Oh, man.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52We have a picture of you on the town with your fringe, as it were.
0:27:52 > 0:27:53I'm never on the town.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Well, it's at the GQ awards, which I'd say... Look at that.
0:27:56 > 0:27:57LAUGHTER
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Never looked better, right? Never looked better.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I tell you what, it looks like when someone doesn't quite
0:28:04 > 0:28:07get into the lift before the doors close.
0:28:08 > 0:28:09That's the face you see.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15I stand by that that is better than a forehead,
0:28:15 > 0:28:18and that's why it should go into Room 101.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Well, hey, it doesn't matter what I think.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24It's your bonus choice, Claudia, and it goes straight into Room 101.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25APPLAUSE
0:28:30 > 0:28:32And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Well done, Claudia, you were the most persuasive guest,
0:28:35 > 0:28:36so you are tonight's winner.
0:28:36 > 0:28:37APPLAUSE
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Thank you very much, Russell Kane, John Humphrys
0:28:42 > 0:28:44and Claudia Winkleman, and thank you.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45Goodnight.