0:00:26 > 0:00:29Yeah. I'll tell you what I'd put in Room 101...
0:00:30 > 0:00:34..those special editions of programmes they have when they
0:00:34 > 0:00:36sort of look back at the highlights of the series
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and then show you some unseen bits that they think you'll enjoy.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Fu...
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Hello, and welcome to a special edition of Room 101
0:00:47 > 0:00:49in which we look back at the highlights of the series
0:00:49 > 0:00:52plus some unseen moments that we think you might enjoy.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Thank you so much for coming.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Now, I always start by asking the guests the same question.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Just by way of a warm-up, really.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05So I'll begin with Lucy.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Lucy, when's the last time you fell over?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Oh, God. Embarrassingly recently.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Mum on a night out.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Don't drink too much these days.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Misjudged a bus step
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- and...- On the shin?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Proper there. And then cried.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28- No!- A 43-year-old woman crying at a bus stop.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32What were you doing on a bus?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34LAUGHTER
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You watch the show and you never think it's going to happen to you,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40do you? But then he turns his gaze on you and...
0:01:40 > 0:01:42But why were you on a bus? What you mean my show?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Why are you watching my show at two o'clock in the afternoon?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46She's a comedian.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48And what do you mean by turns his GAYS on you,
0:01:48 > 0:01:49he's not got an army of them!
0:01:49 > 0:01:52LAUGHTER
0:01:52 > 0:01:55APPLAUSE
0:01:58 > 0:01:59We don't know that!
0:02:01 > 0:02:02What's upsetting Richard?
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Audiences cheering...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I mean, that could be enough, but audiences cheering
0:02:12 > 0:02:14at the name of the town in which they reside.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I don't quite... I just don't see why you need to emit that sound.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26I mean, I'm from Ipswich, so obviously I can't emit joy.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30So it seems very strange to me.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I've never understood it.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- You say Hull... - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Wahey!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36LAUGHTER
0:02:36 > 0:02:37It seems odd.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41I don't know what I'm meant to do with that information.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Are you happy about Hull?
0:02:43 > 0:02:44You're happy?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46OK.
0:02:48 > 0:02:53What I find odd is the mere mention of the name, in Pavlovian sense,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55eliciting that "hooray!"
0:02:55 > 0:02:57That seems odd. Because why should that only exist in crowds?
0:02:57 > 0:03:02You should follow it through any time - when you're on your own,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06if you see it on a map - any time, then say it.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09It would be odd if you were on your own, though,
0:03:09 > 0:03:10and you're watching the news and,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13"This evening we're bringing you news of a fatal accident in Hull."
0:03:13 > 0:03:15ALL: Wahey!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- That's not good.- I think if you're going to do it, follow it through.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Don't just do it because you're in a public place.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I think you could have a clause,
0:03:22 > 0:03:24not after the announcement of a fatal accident.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29OK, and so to Sophie.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38So, I don't mean things that bring you pleasure you feel guilty about,
0:03:38 > 0:03:39I mean the term guilty pleasures,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42because, I think basically if something is making you happy,
0:03:42 > 0:03:46it's not hurting anyone, you don't need to feel guilty about it.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48And sometimes, guilty pleasures become a term
0:03:48 > 0:03:50that's a way of talking about things
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- to sort of ascertain if they're cool or not.- Mm.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55And I think being cool is quite overrated anyway,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58so I think if you like it, tell people, it's OK.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00No, I absolutely...
0:04:00 > 0:04:04I mean, I'm a Roman Catholic, so all my pleasures are guilty pleasures.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06LAUGHTER
0:04:06 > 0:04:10But I don't do this, only if my partner is away -
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I love to watch the telly...
0:04:13 > 0:04:17..with hard-boiled eggs and...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- ..and put salt in my navel.- No!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:04:24 > 0:04:25And...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Hold on...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31That's such a vivid image.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33You just said if it doesn't hurt anybody it's all right.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39I find that oh, so relaxing.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Do you have anything that you think would be described by others
0:04:44 > 0:04:46as a guilty pleasure?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I like things, like, if I have smoked salmon on toast
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I also have ketchup. I know that that's weird for some people.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You've shot up in my estimation.
0:04:54 > 0:05:00I've got a six CD set of comedy songs.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03And I thought my son would like them because they're comedy songs.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06You know, he's four, he likes a laugh.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10So there's one song on there he loves more than any other.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12He just wants to play it all the time.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16It's Tie Me Kangaroo Down.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Should I...? How do you handle that?
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Because there's guilty pleasures and there's five years in prison.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31But, you know, he's loving it because he loves it.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34What should I...? What should I do?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I think just preserve the innocence, let him have...
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- Enjoy the song for now. - Yeah, it's a great song.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- Yeah, it's OK. - The song didn't do anything wrong.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Exactly. The song did not do anything wrong.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Quite right.- You might eat a pie, you don't know who's made it.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Yeah.- The person that made the pie could have been awful...
0:05:52 > 0:05:55- It's true.- ..but you're not going to take it out on the pie.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56It's a good point.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Or a sandwich. I mean, different foods.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05There's one other I would like to share with you.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08This is Emma Thompson from Wallsend, North Tyneside.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11She eats up to 20 sponges a day.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Here's Emma.- Whoa!
0:06:14 > 0:06:15She rips the scourer off.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18So just eats the sponge bit?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Yeah, she soaks the sponges overnight
0:06:21 > 0:06:23in apple-flavoured Fairy liquid...
0:06:23 > 0:06:24AUDIENCE EXCLAIM
0:06:24 > 0:06:27..before enjoying one first thing in the morning.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I bet her toilet's clean!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31LAUGHTER
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Yeah!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:38 > 0:06:40It's not often you hear a male guest
0:06:40 > 0:06:42say that about a woman and it gets applause.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Let's find out what is winding up Rylan.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:59 > 0:07:01It's low ceilings, Frank.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03As a man...
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I am six foot three, six foot four,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- depending on what boots I've got on...- OK.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14..and every day is a struggle for me.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Whether I'd be, you know, walking along the road,
0:07:17 > 0:07:18there could be a branch.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Whether I'm on a plane,
0:07:22 > 0:07:25that is a self-portrait of myself on the screen now.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30But, more importantly, I feel that I have a constant groove
0:07:30 > 0:07:33in the top of my head from door frames.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I've had to have the door frames in my house raised.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Really?- Yeah. Because it just don't work,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41especially when the hair's up.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Have you considered ducking?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Frank, I don't consider it. I am a professional ducker.- OK.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I duck morning, noon and night.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- Respect.- But I don't enjoy it.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I just, I don't.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Let's talk about the top deck of a bus.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It all goes on on the top deck of a bus.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14That's where you want to be on a bus, you know?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- You do. - You're right, though, you're right.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Do you know what I mean? And, I mean, I'm not going to lie,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I've not been on a bus for years, but...
0:08:21 > 0:08:23LAUGHTER
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I'm being serious.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29If I wanted to get on a bus, I'd want to get on the top deck.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32But I'll get at them stairs
0:08:32 > 0:08:36and I'll probably be three away from the top and that's it.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37The next step is that...
0:08:39 > 0:08:43..the step before the actual floor is that...
0:08:43 > 0:08:46and then when I'm actually on the top deck I'm like that.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:56 > 0:08:58It's hard, it's hard!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04So, what is winding up Frankie?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Richard Branson, who...
0:09:19 > 0:09:23I can't believe I live in a society where I'm asked to admire this guy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27A sort of sun-dried Bee Gee...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32..who probably only wants to travel into space so that he can find
0:09:32 > 0:09:33the rest of his own species.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37He's sort of held up as something for me to admire
0:09:37 > 0:09:41because he self-identifies as a good person.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45He says he's an environmentalist, and runs an airline!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Saying that he's an environmentalist is like saying that
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Joseph Stalin ran skiing holidays.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51LAUGHTER
0:09:53 > 0:09:55People say, "Oh, you're jealous of Richard Branson.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58"You're jealous of his money." If I had all his money,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00what I'd do with it is I'd use it
0:10:00 > 0:10:03to pull that island he lives on towards Syria.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06LAUGHTER
0:10:10 > 0:10:13OK. What's miffing Rob Delaney?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25APPLAUSE
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Is that it?
0:10:30 > 0:10:31In the morning I don't want decaf,
0:10:31 > 0:10:36so why is my room cluttered with the decaf?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40What if I touch decaf on my way to get real coffee?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42This shouldn't happen.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44And if you like decaf coffee,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48if you just like the taste of coffee but not the effects of coffee,
0:10:48 > 0:10:50you're a sicko.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53You should be in a prison community.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58So, when good taxpaying civilians are in public,
0:10:58 > 0:11:02they shouldn't have to wade through decaf coffee packets
0:11:02 > 0:11:04to get to the good stuff.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06I mean, what if you're hungover and you're jittery
0:11:06 > 0:11:07and you've got to...? No.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I don't like coffee very much,
0:11:11 > 0:11:14but when I drink coffee I have decaf.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Decaffeinated cappuccino is what I always go for.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20And I always get the same experience.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24The waiter comes over and says, "Here's your cappuccino, sir,"
0:11:24 > 0:11:26and I say,
0:11:26 > 0:11:27"Decaffeinated cappuccino?"
0:11:27 > 0:11:28and he goes...
0:11:29 > 0:11:30"Yes."
0:11:30 > 0:11:32LAUGHTER
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Here's something I particularly like -
0:11:36 > 0:11:40you know when you go into a coffee shop,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43be it a famous American chain or wherever?
0:11:43 > 0:11:45And you order your coffee and they ask you your name
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- and they write it on the cups. - Oh, yeah. I always lie.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Do you, just for fun?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- Do you lie? For fun?!- Scarlett! - What sort of fun is that?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56It's hilarious, because you're like, "Who's that? Oh, it's me."
0:11:56 > 0:12:01Here is a guy, and what he did, they said, "OK, what's your name?"
0:12:01 > 0:12:04and he said "It's Marc with a C."
0:12:04 > 0:12:07And this was the coffee he got.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11LAUGHTER
0:12:14 > 0:12:16OK. So, what's upsetting David Mitchell?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Sugar lumps.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31You take a commodity that people want to decide how much they want
0:12:31 > 0:12:36and you congeal it in such a way as to prescribe a minimum dose.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39You don't get that with ketchup.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41You can put as much ketchup on or as little as you like.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45You don't have two put a minimum that-sized clod of it.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49Sugar exists as a powder in a granulated form,
0:12:49 > 0:12:51why turn it into lumps?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53What are you doing? You're only limiting its usage,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56you're not extending its usage.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57So there you go.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Sugar lumps. Why do they exist?
0:13:00 > 0:13:05Stop doing it. Stop congealing sugar into lumps.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10APPLAUSE
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I don't know why it exists, actually.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16And do you know? One argument you could make...
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Let me play devil's advocate.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20And I mean devil's, they're devils.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24You could say, well, it's a useful way to take,
0:13:24 > 0:13:28you know, an amount of sugar, you know, you can then hold it,
0:13:28 > 0:13:30such as a sugar sachet.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33And obviously, a sugar sachet, that involves paper,
0:13:33 > 0:13:34that's worse for the environment.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37However, there exists, and I have seen this,
0:13:37 > 0:13:42and the people who make these are the real satans of the world -
0:13:42 > 0:13:45sugar lumps in sachets.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50A lump of sugar in a little plastic...
0:13:50 > 0:13:54Why is that allowed to exist?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55What's the point of that?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58The only defence for the lump,
0:13:58 > 0:14:02the sugar lump that allows bowls of sugar in cafes to get dirtier
0:14:02 > 0:14:05and dirtier and dirtier, and people, "Oh, I'll have that one,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08"oh, that's a bit of a wonky one," you know, this disgusting thing.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11The only defence is a certain level of convenience
0:14:11 > 0:14:13and then someone decides, well, actually,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16let's take the sachet that also provides that level of convenience
0:14:16 > 0:14:18and put a lump in it.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23These aren't sugar sachets that have been left in the wet or something,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27this is a deliberately-formed sugar lump put in a sachet.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Can you imagine anything more diabolical?
0:14:30 > 0:14:33LAUGHTER
0:14:35 > 0:14:37APPLAUSE
0:14:38 > 0:14:40How do they stick it together, the lump?
0:14:40 > 0:14:41God knows!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49I've heard they get Chinese children to cry.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:56So let's see what Joe has gone for.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Mating foxes.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07MUSIC: Crazy Horses by The Osmonds
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Sorry, it's a bit like Crazy Horses.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Yeah, nice.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13# Mating foxes! #
0:15:13 > 0:15:15CRAZY HORSES PLAYS
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Nice.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21OK, let's see what is winding up Judy Murray.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- Sniffing.- Sniffing, there's a lot of it in show business, I know.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32I can't stand sniffing.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Anyone who sniffs, especially if they sniff constantly,
0:15:38 > 0:15:42is going straight in Room 101, and it had better be soundproofed.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I sat on a flight on the way down here
0:15:46 > 0:15:49beside a guy who sniffed constantly.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And I started off looking at him with my best death stare,
0:15:52 > 0:15:56which I usually reserve for people like Novak Djokovic.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Judy, can you show me your evil stare?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Wow, that's a good one. - It didn't make any difference.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08And I always keep a pack of tissues in my bag
0:16:08 > 0:16:11because of my sniffing problem.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15And I said, "Would you like a tissue?"
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- You actually said that?- Yeah, because it drives me absolutely...
0:16:18 > 0:16:22I mean, I don't want to know what's going on up that guy's nose.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24And why don't you just blow your nose?
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Why don't you just get it out?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27And I don't want your germs either.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30No, sniffing... Can't stand it.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Get in that room, now.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34They have a thing in Japan...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37..called the hay fever hat.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Have you ever heard of that?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41It just so happens I have one here.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45And if you have hay fever and are in a sniffy situation...
0:16:45 > 0:16:48LAUGHTER
0:16:48 > 0:16:50This is real. This is honestly real.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54So...
0:16:55 > 0:16:59What you don't want to do is fall asleep in a public lavatory.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04So that's the hay fever hat.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Tremendous.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09What do you think of this for a piece of nasal activity,
0:17:09 > 0:17:13from the world of international tennis, Judy?
0:17:15 > 0:17:18LAUGHTER
0:17:19 > 0:17:22APPLAUSE
0:17:26 > 0:17:27At least he didn't sniff.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33OK, and so to Catherine's choice.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39CHEERING
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Oh!- School cake bake sales.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46The bane of my life because there's one every...
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Oh, my gosh, every week, it seems.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54And everyone else knows about it in advance apart from me, it seems.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- I'm never aware of the cake bake sale.- Yeah.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59It's the dread of walking to school in the morning
0:17:59 > 0:18:03and up ahead you see some people carrying Tupperware.
0:18:03 > 0:18:09You realise, oh, not another bloody cake bake sale
0:18:09 > 0:18:11that I was supposed to have remembered
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and supposed to have baked myself.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16And then it's the state of the cake bake sale as well.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20They look like monstrosities. You know they're 20% snot.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28They've got neon-coloured icing and sprinkles,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30they're awful things.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Mary Berry's not going to say it's good.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- No.- Why should I?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I should say that we on the BBC now believe, of course,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41that baking cakes is the work of the devil.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43LAUGHTER
0:18:44 > 0:18:47And the best place for it is on Channel 4,
0:18:47 > 0:18:49amidst naked game shows
0:18:49 > 0:18:53and documentaries about the boy with the 28st head.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59So, to Sophie's choice.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Oh, that's a good name for a film!
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Oh.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10So, I'm talking specifically about when I go to an event,
0:19:10 > 0:19:11you know, a party or whatever it is,
0:19:11 > 0:19:15and they've separated me from whoever I've gone with at the table.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18If I've gone to something with my sister, my friend,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21my husband, I want to sit next to them when I'm eating.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25I don't want them to be on the other side of the table, or miles away.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27I don't like it when they move us apart
0:19:27 > 0:19:29and if I get to the table quick enough,
0:19:29 > 0:19:30I will move us back together.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35I find me and my partner jump at the chance to sit somewhere else.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- I don't believe you.- Honestly.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40But it is, I think we regard it as a bit of a treat.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43I find it very annoying, enforced seating plans.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45The worst one is where they go,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- "So, everyone moves along a seat every five minutes."- Oh, yeah.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Have you had that? Every course you move along
0:19:51 > 0:19:52or every ten minutes you move along.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I find boy, girl, boy, girl quite annoying as well.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Like, it doesn't matter, just sit down.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58How are you with this kind of thing, Ross?
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I meet a lot of strangers through the job,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- some very weird ones occasionally.- Yeah.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I just met Rowdy, you'd like Rowdy.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Who's that? - Rowdy is an Imperial Wizard
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- of the Ku Klux Klan.- Oh, my word.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I think I know him. LAUGHTER
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- He's a very, very tall bloke, pointy head.- Yeah, exactly.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Rowdy was a very scary man.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22Yeah, I suppose if you're the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- you're going to have an edge. - He was at a wedding?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29He had a very long place...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I hate it when someone else wears all white at a wedding!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Yes, anyway, I didn't think we'd be talking about the Klan tonight.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41- You never know.- Every night we talk about the Klan with Rowdy.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I wonder if the Klan have these problems.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46They stand around saying, "You know when we had that dinner
0:20:46 > 0:20:48"and they made me sit by the Imperial Wizard?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50"I don't know him that well."
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I bet at the Klan they're looking at the tablecloth and thinking,
0:20:55 > 0:20:57"This would make a lovely robe.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02"Do you want this after? Are you keeping this?"
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Let me show you...
0:21:06 > 0:21:10This is a towel which is the cover of Playboy,
0:21:10 > 0:21:14and so the idea is you can have it on the beach and you can lie on it
0:21:14 > 0:21:17and it makes it like you're on the cover of Playboy.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Oh!- Oh!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21LAUGHTER
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I bought one, and...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Let's see what you think of this.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Just bear with me. Talk amongst yourselves, it's fine.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I'm just glad you're here.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34FRANK HUMS A TUNE
0:21:35 > 0:21:37It'll all be revealed in a minute.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40This is like someone's dad trying to make them have a good time.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43It's almost exactly that!
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Great!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:55 > 0:21:57OK. What's upsetting Robert?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04APPLAUSE
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Look, I don't particularly care that it celebrates the font of all evil,
0:22:11 > 0:22:14I don't mind that. It's just the things that it comes with,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17all the accoutrements, like trick or treat.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18What a nonsense!
0:22:18 > 0:22:22I mean, first of all, in my area they come with trick or treat -
0:22:22 > 0:22:25who says, "Oh, yes, I'd like a trick"?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Nobody says that. They're teenagers that come,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31so I'm always unprepared.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33And so they're never terribly amused
0:22:33 > 0:22:36when you go into the cupboard and you come back with a custard cream.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38That's no good.
0:22:38 > 0:22:44And then you say, well, it's got to the stage where I've prepared,
0:22:44 > 0:22:47and I've got the little penny sweets and that sort of thing ready,
0:22:47 > 0:22:50thinking they'll be children, and they sort of look at you and...
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Well, last time I did it, the person wanted my watch!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56LAUGHTER
0:22:58 > 0:23:00For a judge, you don't seem to be able to recognise
0:23:00 > 0:23:02that you're a victim of a mugging.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06And so to Richard.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11LAUGHTER
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Yes.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Fun.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I don't understand it.
0:23:19 > 0:23:20I don't know...
0:23:22 > 0:23:23..whether it's possible.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28And I think, if you describe something as fun,
0:23:28 > 0:23:29that's a bad thing.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It trivialises it.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34If you think of anything you actually like...
0:23:35 > 0:23:37..and if you were to describe it to someone else,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39I don't know that you would use the word fun.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41It seems to be quite a word
0:23:41 > 0:23:45that's only really appropriate for describing a "Wham!" video.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48And only some of them.
0:23:50 > 0:23:54And, also, every time someone has said, "This is going to be fun,"
0:23:54 > 0:23:56you know they're lying.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I mean, if someone says "This will be tolerable..."
0:24:02 > 0:24:03..I'd go, "I'm there."
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- That's one of my chat-up lines. - Yeah!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I mean, that, to me, is a boast.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15Well, sometimes when you think something's going to be fun,
0:24:15 > 0:24:17it absolutely isn't.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Take this, for example.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Are you ready, Gary?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Ready, steady, go!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27LAUGHTER
0:24:49 > 0:24:52You see, I think that's a very potent symbol
0:24:52 > 0:24:54- of how fun often turns out.- Yeah!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58What's upsetting Rob Beckett?
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Yeah.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07APPLAUSE
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It's just so expensive.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13And whenever you benefit from it, something bad's happened,
0:25:13 > 0:25:14it's all just very negative,
0:25:14 > 0:25:16and I think a lot of the time as well, it's like,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18you just sort of have it so that if anything does go wrong,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20you go, "I didn't have insurance."
0:25:20 > 0:25:22"Oh, my God! You should have got insurance,"
0:25:22 > 0:25:24where if no-one had insurance, then, like,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I think people would drive more carefully.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- Because then they'd have to pay. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Or it might be like Mad Max and either way, it's a laugh.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36I just find it...
0:25:36 > 0:25:38It's just annoying, like, going on holiday.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I mean, your travel insurance, I bet that's pricey!
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Just a bit.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45"You going skiing?" "I'm not going skiing,
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"but I'm going with a drug cartel."
0:25:47 > 0:25:50You can't go skiing with the Klan, you'd never find them!
0:25:50 > 0:25:52LAUGHTER
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I don't remember there being a mountain range in that direction.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Oh, it's the lads! Come here!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- "It's the lads!" - I call them the lads...
0:26:05 > 0:26:08So, let's see what Frankie has chosen.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I just feel life is hugely overrated.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26I know, actually, it's always quite weird,
0:26:26 > 0:26:27Scotland comes top of these
0:26:27 > 0:26:30"how happy are you with your life?" studies,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33and I think that's because researchers
0:26:33 > 0:26:35don't really understand sarcasm.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42I think... Do you ever just open your eyes in the morning and go,
0:26:42 > 0:26:46"Not this again"? You know, if someone said to you,
0:26:46 > 0:26:50"We'll going to see a movie that was like the day of your life,"
0:26:50 > 0:26:53you know, it's going to be 16 hours long, nothing really happens,
0:26:53 > 0:26:56and in the middle the main character has to go for a poo...
0:26:57 > 0:26:59..you probably wouldn't go.
0:26:59 > 0:27:00And it peaks early.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Life peaks at about 12, maybe,
0:27:03 > 0:27:06and then it just starts to get worse and worse.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08And I'm now, like, 44,
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I've got a body like a dropped lasagne.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Women look at my naked body in the same fearful way
0:27:15 > 0:27:17that pensioners look at snow.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER
0:27:20 > 0:27:21We're supposed to say, oh, you know,
0:27:21 > 0:27:25life is about loving people and being loved in return and that.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I think, really, we're in relationships
0:27:27 > 0:27:29because we don't want to die alone,
0:27:29 > 0:27:31which is why I've always planned on taking
0:27:31 > 0:27:32quite a lot of people with me.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34LAUGHTER
0:27:35 > 0:27:38You know, if someone gave you a drug that was love,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41and warned you what the withdrawal was going to be like,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44you wouldn't take it. "Take this, it's amazing,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46"but afterwards you're going to feel like you're having
0:27:46 > 0:27:49"open heart surgery performed by a swarm of wasps."
0:27:51 > 0:27:52You wouldn't do it.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:03 > 0:28:05You see, Nicola, you don't get this on A Question Of Sport.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I'll tell you what also I'd put in Room 101 as well -
0:28:11 > 0:28:15at the end of a programme, where they say, "Oh, goodbye,"
0:28:15 > 0:28:17like anyone cares.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18And they say, "Thanks for watching."
0:28:18 > 0:28:20No-one's been paying any attention.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23But they have to do it, you know, as if it really matters to people.
0:28:23 > 0:28:24What?
0:28:28 > 0:28:31LAUGHTER
0:28:31 > 0:28:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE