0:00:22 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:31 > 0:00:36Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39the show where three guests battle to get the things they hate
0:00:39 > 0:00:42entombed for all eternity in the dreaded vault.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44They'll have to argue their case well
0:00:44 > 0:00:47because in each round, only one item can be chosen.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50The final decision is mine. Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Joining me tonight are Peep Show David Mitchell,
0:00:53 > 0:00:54sheep show Anita Rani,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57and "Can you show me the way to the friends and family box?"
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Judy Murray.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:01:04 > 0:01:05OK.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07BELL DINGS Let's get ready to grumble.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12And first of all, I want to find out what is winding up David Mitchell.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yes, it's, er...people...
0:01:17 > 0:01:18LAUGHTER
0:01:18 > 0:01:20People who get annoyed when you don't remember them.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I would like them to go in the room.
0:01:24 > 0:01:25OK.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Whoever the hell they are.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:32APPLAUSE
0:01:36 > 0:01:39That was beautiful. It started like rain on a roof, but then...
0:01:39 > 0:01:40LAUGHTER
0:01:40 > 0:01:41It grew on them.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Look, I'm not saying it's good to not remember
0:01:44 > 0:01:48someone who you've met before, and if you don't remember someone,
0:01:48 > 0:01:50obviously, you should try and conceal it.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52I accept that. You know, if you can't remember someone's name,
0:01:52 > 0:01:55or you're not sure if you've met them at all, or whatever.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Just, you know... nod and smile, say, "Nice to see you."
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Don't make it obvious.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00You know, it's out there.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03You've met this person before, and you haven't remembered them.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Now, I've not been remembered by people,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07and I've never made a thing of it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I don't think there's any point in making a thing of it,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12because something has happened,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15somewhere deep in the workings of someone's brain,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17and there's nothing to be done about it.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20The remembering has not happened.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23In fact, the person who's angry that I haven't remembered,
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I've only got their word for it that I've met them at all.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26LAUGHTER
0:02:26 > 0:02:29But, you know, nevertheless, I DO believe them,
0:02:29 > 0:02:32because I am quite a thoughtless, forgetful person.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34But why get angry with something that my brain
0:02:34 > 0:02:37has unconsciously failed to do? What am I supposed to do about it?
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Go back in time to the moment when I supposedly met this person and then,
0:02:41 > 0:02:43sort of, do some homework afterwards?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Revise people I bumped into at that party,
0:02:47 > 0:02:49so that when I meet them next time, I'll go,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51"Oh, yes, hello, Steve," or whatever?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53No, that's not workable.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Leave me alone.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56LAUGHTER
0:02:56 > 0:02:59It's like shouting at children for not being clever enough.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02There's no point in getting annoyed.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04There's no point saying, "I wish your brain was structured
0:03:04 > 0:03:06"in a kinder, more caring way."
0:03:06 > 0:03:10That's just not the way social interaction between humans works.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12We don't address head on the issue
0:03:12 > 0:03:15of whether a person is more or less nice...
0:03:15 > 0:03:17LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:21So I say, if someone doesn't remember you, live with it,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24be bitter inside, don't get outwardly annoyed.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28APPLAUSE
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I took my mother-in-law to A&E a couple of weeks ago,
0:03:33 > 0:03:38and a nurse was dealing with me, and this porter said,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40"He's off the telly."
0:03:40 > 0:03:41And she said, "Is it, really?"
0:03:41 > 0:03:44And she was staring at me. It's a bit embarrassing.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47And then she said, "What's your name? I'll Google you."
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Oh, God!
0:03:48 > 0:03:49LAUGHTER
0:03:50 > 0:03:52So I gave her my name and waited.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53And she said...
0:03:54 > 0:03:56"Do you host Room 101?"
0:03:56 > 0:03:57And I said, "Yeah, I do."
0:03:57 > 0:04:00And she said, "That's one of my favourite programmes."
0:04:00 > 0:04:02LAUGHTER
0:04:03 > 0:04:06How are you with names, Judy?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I've become quite good at pretending I remember people,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11and I just say, "Hi, there."
0:04:11 > 0:04:15I was in Blackpool a couple of years ago with Sunetra Sarker,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18who's an actress on Casualty, and this woman was coming towards us,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22she stopped rigid in front of us, and she said, "I know you."
0:04:22 > 0:04:25And luckily she wasn't pointing at me, she was pointing at Sunetra,
0:04:25 > 0:04:27and she goes, "Do you remember ME?" And she was quite aggressive.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30And Sunetra says, "No, I'm terribly sorry, I don't."
0:04:30 > 0:04:32And the woman said, "I know where I know you from - prison!"
0:04:32 > 0:04:34LAUGHTER
0:04:39 > 0:04:44And was there a little bit of doubt in your mind?
0:04:44 > 0:04:45No, we just ran away.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I was doing a book signing, and a woman came up...
0:04:49 > 0:04:51My family was there, and a woman came up and said,
0:04:51 > 0:04:55"I don't know if you remember me - we had a one-night stand in 1997."
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- You see, THAT'S polite.- Yeah.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Well, I definitely said thank you.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04You know, she's saying...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07I won't speculate as to whether it's accurate or not -
0:05:07 > 0:05:10but she's saying you've had sex, but even so,
0:05:10 > 0:05:11she's polite enough to think
0:05:11 > 0:05:13that maybe you've forgotten the encounter.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I think that's extremely well-mannered.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20And she's attached a year to it as well, so she's given me some...
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I'm able to narrow it down.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Yeah!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25It's like Google Earth - I'll just close it in just a little bit.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I'm with you - why get offended by it?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32If it was me, I'd feel bad that you didn't remember me,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34rather than feeling annoyed that you didn't remember me.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Yeah, I mean, there's an onus on a person
0:05:37 > 0:05:39to be at least slightly memorable.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Yeah.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41So...
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Don't get angry at me that you're so forgettable.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Get angry at your personality, and the world.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50You know, it's not my fault.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Sometimes you remember people for being horrible.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Yes. Everyone remembered Hitler's name.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Yeah. LAUGHTER
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Yeah. Just the surname we've got, but, yeah.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01LAUGHTER
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Yeah, just call him Herr Hitler -
0:06:04 > 0:06:06don't let on that you can't remember his first name!
0:06:07 > 0:06:13Here's an aide-memoire that a wife put together for a husband.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16This is a sign that she left on the door so he didn't forget his lunch.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19LAUGHTER
0:06:22 > 0:06:26What I find regrettable there is she obviously has decided her husband
0:06:26 > 0:06:30is just obsessed with breasts and vaginas, and yet...
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Hold on, where's the vagina?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Because the down...- That's an arrow. That's a downward arrow.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Oh... Oh, you...
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Oh, I see. I saw...
0:06:39 > 0:06:40LAUGHTER
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I assumed...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50What I was thinking
0:06:50 > 0:06:54is she was thinking he would look first at the breasts,
0:06:54 > 0:06:56and then downwards towards the groin.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58There you go - there's no point in hiding it now,
0:06:58 > 0:06:59it has been televised.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06OK, let's see what is winding up Judy Murray.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Sniffing.- Sniffing - there's a lot of it in showbusiness.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I can't stand sniffing.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19LAUGHTER
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Anyone who sniffs, especially if they sniff constantly,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27is going straight in Room 101, and it'd better be soundproofed.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I sat on a flight on the way down here
0:07:32 > 0:07:34beside a guy who sniffed constantly.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38And I started off looking at him with my best death stare,
0:07:38 > 0:07:41which I usually reserve for people like Novak Djokovic.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Judy, can you show me your evil stare?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48LAUGHTER
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Wow! That's a good one. - And it didn't make any difference.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53And I've always hated sniffing,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55but when you're sitting in close proximity,
0:07:55 > 0:07:58and especially when you're on a flight and you can't move,
0:07:58 > 0:07:59it's just horrendous.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01So eventually, I go into my bag,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04because I always keep a pack of tissues in my bag,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06because of my sniffing...problem.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08LAUGHTER
0:08:08 > 0:08:10And I said, "Would you like a tissue?"
0:08:10 > 0:08:11You actually said that?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Yeah. Because it drives me...
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I mean, I don't want to know what's going on up that guy's nose.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19And why don't you just blow your nose?
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Why don't you just get it out?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22And I don't want your germs, either.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25But it's... No, sniffing.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Can't stand it. Get in that room. Now.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I can, er... SLIGHT APPLAUSE
0:08:29 > 0:08:31I can... One person.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Everyone else is breathing very carefully.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37LAUGHTER
0:08:37 > 0:08:40If you're sniffing, I will hear you.
0:08:40 > 0:08:46I've had catarrh since I was about 12, I think. I've always had it.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48So when I heard there was going to be a Qatar World Cup,
0:08:48 > 0:08:49I thought...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER
0:08:51 > 0:08:53"I should enter that!"
0:08:55 > 0:08:58They have a thing in Japan, erm...
0:08:58 > 0:09:01called the Hay Fever Hat - have you ever heard of that?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03It just so happens I have one here.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04LAUGHTER
0:09:04 > 0:09:08And if you have hay fever, and are in a sniffy situation...
0:09:08 > 0:09:11LAUGHTER
0:09:11 > 0:09:12This is real.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14This is honestly real.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18So...erm... So you...
0:09:18 > 0:09:22What you don't want to do is fall asleep in a public lavatory.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24LAUGHTER
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Which, erm...I haven't done for many years now.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28That used to be my weekend thing.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32If you're sneezing, you just pull this down...
0:09:32 > 0:09:33BLOWS HIS NOSE
0:09:33 > 0:09:36..and, erm...
0:09:36 > 0:09:37tear that off.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I can put that in my pocket, and stuff.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43There's never any excuse for sniffing.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I don't know if you'd be allowed on a plane in it.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It should be mandatory for anybody who has a cold.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Yeah. And if we all wore them, then no-one would think it was,
0:09:53 > 0:09:54you know, particularly...
0:09:56 > 0:09:57..particularly odd.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00LAUGHTER
0:10:01 > 0:10:04So that's the Hay Fever Hat.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Tremendous!
0:10:06 > 0:10:07I think what's worse than sniffing
0:10:07 > 0:10:13- is when people wipe their snot with their sleeve, you know?- Yes.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I think that's worse.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Sniffing - if you've got no tissue, what do you do?
0:10:17 > 0:10:18It's like, oh, er...
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- But that is... - I'd rather they did that than sniff.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Oh, right.- Would you really?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25It comes in handy for falconry.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26LAUGHTER
0:10:29 > 0:10:32You've got, like, a solid crust for the talons.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35What do you think of this for a piece of nasal activity
0:10:35 > 0:10:39from the world of international tennis, Judy?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43LAUGHTER
0:10:44 > 0:10:46APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- At least he didn't sniff.- No!
0:10:53 > 0:10:54LAUGHTER
0:10:54 > 0:10:55No.
0:10:55 > 0:11:00He'd run out of bananas that day and needed some protein.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04I'm going to have one last chance to win you over,
0:11:04 > 0:11:05and I think this is a bit special.
0:11:05 > 0:11:12"TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR" PLAYS ON RECORDER
0:11:15 > 0:11:19LAUGHTER
0:11:23 > 0:11:27TUNE PLAYS TO END
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Whoa!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31APPLAUSE
0:11:33 > 0:11:34I mean, I think, musically,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I think the man has to take some of the credit.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39LAUGHTER
0:11:39 > 0:11:41OK, so, what is upsetting Anita?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Walking and eating.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Particularly if it's a burger, or a kebab, or a pasty,
0:11:53 > 0:11:55or something else that can just flop around.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You see people at lunchtime walking around with their lunch,
0:11:58 > 0:12:00cos they're so busy that they are on the go,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02"Oh, I haven't got time to sit down.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04"I've just got to eat a sandwich and drink a coffee at the same time,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06"and try and get to my next meeting."
0:12:06 > 0:12:08It's just nonsense. Just sit down.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Take five minutes, and eat your lunch.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Just have some food.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Because food, to me, is more than just sustenance.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18It's one of the pleasures of life.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Food is the reason I get up in the morning, cos I think,
0:12:20 > 0:12:22"Oh, what am I going to have for breakfast?"
0:12:22 > 0:12:24And then I think, "Great, lunch is on its way."
0:12:24 > 0:12:27And then, "Fantastic! Dinner is round the corner!"
0:12:27 > 0:12:31And it's just that pleasure of sitting down, eating,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33taking your time, and enjoying food.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37So, walking and eating is this sort of dismissive,
0:12:37 > 0:12:42casual attitude to life that I think deserves to go in there forever.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44That's how strongly I feel about it.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46APPLAUSE
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Sorry.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53We have a picture of you here in the street, Anita.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54LAUGHTER
0:12:56 > 0:12:59So it's all right if you've got some poor minion
0:12:59 > 0:13:01holding the stuff for you.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02LAUGHTER
0:13:02 > 0:13:04What about ice creams?
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Are they allowed?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09An ice cream cone?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10You have to go and sit down?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12LAUGHTER
0:13:12 > 0:13:13You have to get a napkin?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Well, there is...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Do you have to eat it with a knife and fork?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18LAUGHTER
0:13:18 > 0:13:21It's just that it drips down your hand, and you're like...
0:13:21 > 0:13:22and then you can't finish it.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24I mean, it's just complicated, isn't it?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Yes, it's complicated - that's what childhood is for.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Learning how to eat an ice cream
0:13:28 > 0:13:30in a way that doesn't drip down your hand,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32and it doesn't make the cone go soggy.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34No, make the child sit down and eat that ice cream
0:13:34 > 0:13:38before they have to walk along the beach is what I say.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I'm just going to take it to the nth degree. Even chips.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Even chips, you have to sit down and eat.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45If I'm going to put it in there, let's just go all out.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46- A lolly.- Even a lolly.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Sit down, eat it with a spoon.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50LAUGHTER
0:13:50 > 0:13:53You're not getting up until you've finished it.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57This is a thing, it's called the Portable Pizza Pouch,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00and you wear it around your neck...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02LAUGHTER
0:14:02 > 0:14:04..so you've always got a piece.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06You know when you're out and you really need a piece of pizza,
0:14:06 > 0:14:07when you're out walking.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I've got one. I'll tell you one thing I do really like about it.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15And I worked out that if you, er...
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Bear with me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20LAUGHTER
0:14:20 > 0:14:21If you, er...
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Just a second.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28RECORDING: # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler
0:14:28 > 0:14:32# If you think we're on the run?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:34 > 0:14:38# We are the boys who will stop your little game
0:14:38 > 0:14:43# We are the boys who will make you think again...
0:14:43 > 0:14:45I love this job! LAUGHTER
0:14:45 > 0:14:48# ..Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler... # FRANK: Oh, sorry.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50# If you think old... #
0:14:51 > 0:14:52That's that.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54LAUGHTER
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'm not going to put this into Room 101
0:14:57 > 0:15:00because what about the homeless, for a start-off?
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I saw a guy eating banana skins out of a wheelie bin.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Was he supposed to push that to the nearest picnic area?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07LAUGHTER
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Erm...
0:15:10 > 0:15:11Now, this one is a bit more difficult.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15I do find the sniffing thing really, really annoying,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17and I'm a big champion of the handkerchief,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19and would like to see that make a comeback.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I think people, probably, will always get upset
0:15:22 > 0:15:26if you forget their names, and, let's face it, it can happen.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27LAUGHTER
0:15:27 > 0:15:31So, you know what, I am going to put sniffing into Room 101.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:15:44 > 0:15:48And so to the next round, and to Judy's choice.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Inane motorway signs.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Well, there is nothing worse than driving along,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04and suddenly there's a huge sign in front of you on the motorway,
0:16:04 > 0:16:06which distracts you for a start,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09and maybe because I don't like being told what to do,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12it really annoys me when I see a sign
0:16:12 > 0:16:14that is of no use to me whatsoever,
0:16:14 > 0:16:18that says something like, "Don't take drugs and drive."
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Are you kidding me? I'm already driving.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24That is of no use to me whatsoever.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25LAUGHTER
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Almost as bad as that are the roadwork signs
0:16:28 > 0:16:30that they've been experimenting with,
0:16:30 > 0:16:32and they've been designed by a psychologist
0:16:32 > 0:16:37to help drivers cope with the stress of being stuck in roadworks.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40So they're kind of empathetic signs that say things like,
0:16:40 > 0:16:43"Say no to tailgating."
0:16:43 > 0:16:44LAUGHTER
0:16:44 > 0:16:46"Drive carefully - somebody loves you."
0:16:46 > 0:16:47What?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49What?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- That's a very big assumption, isn't it?- Are you kidding me?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54How do you know that anybody loves me?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I'm not sure that anybody does.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- But anyway...- AUDIENCE:- Aww... - Kidding!
0:16:59 > 0:17:03Just an example, here's a sort of standard one
0:17:03 > 0:17:06that we've probably all seen, which is there.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08"Keep your distance,"
0:17:08 > 0:17:11which I've always thought would make a lovely lapel badge.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13LAUGHTER
0:17:14 > 0:17:19Erm... Not drugs, but we have an alcohol-based one which I...
0:17:19 > 0:17:21You'll identify with this.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22LAUGHTER
0:17:24 > 0:17:26"After whisky, driving is risky."
0:17:26 > 0:17:27It's not out of the question.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29LAUGHTER
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It reminds me of when I was a young man,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35people used to say stuff like, "Whisky makes you frisky."
0:17:35 > 0:17:38"Brandy makes you randy." And all that stuff.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40What I needed was a drink that rhymed with "totally impotent."
0:17:40 > 0:17:43LAUGHTER
0:17:44 > 0:17:47What about this for the most indiscreet traffic sign ever?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51LAUGHTER
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Oh, brilliant!
0:17:56 > 0:17:58There seems to be more and more.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I'd certainly agree with that.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04And one that annoys me is you drive into a place,
0:18:04 > 0:18:07and it just says, "slow down."
0:18:07 > 0:18:12And they've got no idea what a tight schedule I run to.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Or indeed, how quickly you're going.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18That's the thing. Don't try and get inside people's heads.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21What if you were going at a dangerously slow speed?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23They'd need to say, "Speed up!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25"Someone's going to ram in the back of you."
0:18:25 > 0:18:29It should just say, "Drive at the appropriate speed", and then they'd realise,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31we don't need this sign, that's obvious.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33LAUGHTER
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Just say, "Don't be a dick."
0:18:35 > 0:18:37LAUGHTER
0:18:37 > 0:18:39APPLAUSE
0:18:42 > 0:18:44OK, then, what's upsetting Anita Rani?
0:18:48 > 0:18:49Clutter.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Yeah. Stuff, really.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55The amount of stuff that we have these days.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56I've moved house quite a few times,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00and every time I move house, I move into a slightly bigger place,
0:19:00 > 0:19:02and I just seem to get more and more stuff.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05And now I've got to a stage where I feel like
0:19:05 > 0:19:06I can't see the wood for the trees.
0:19:06 > 0:19:12Because not only have I got all this stuff, half of it is obsolete,
0:19:12 > 0:19:13I don't really need it any more.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16So I actually did this thing recently, because I read -
0:19:16 > 0:19:18not that I'm into self-help books,
0:19:18 > 0:19:20but there was a book about decluttering.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22So I read it, thought, OK, let's give it a go.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Is this The Magic Of Tidying, by any chance?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I don't know. It's by Mari Kondo, the Japanese woman.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Yes, it's The Magic Of Tidying.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Exactly. And she basically says, get everything out of your...
0:19:32 > 0:19:35you start with the clothes, so that's what I started with.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Put everything on the floor, and then take each item of clothing,
0:19:38 > 0:19:40feel it, and if it means something to you,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42put it back in your wardrobe.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Like if you feel like, "Yes, this makes me feel something..."
0:19:44 > 0:19:46So I did it, and it worked.
0:19:46 > 0:19:50And she says put all the other stuff in bin liners and I've got this fantastic wardrobe now
0:19:50 > 0:19:53where I open my wardrobe and I feel joy, I'm like,
0:19:53 > 0:19:54"Yeah, I can see the clothes!"
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Before, just so many clothes, oh...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59And still you think, "I've got nothing, I don't know what to wear."
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Now I see these clothes, and it's like, "OK, yes,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03"I can see that shirt will go with those trousers."
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Except now I've got a problem when I've got a room full of bin liners.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07LAUGHTER
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I just always think when I tidy up,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I'm going to find something really interesting I didn't know I'd got.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19Last time, for example, in the spare bedroom, there was a fitted carpet.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21LAUGHTER
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Exactly!
0:20:22 > 0:20:26We have a tweet of yours, actually, making the same point.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Even your tweets are cluttered.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Cluttered!
0:20:38 > 0:20:42You've got to use it until you run out of characters, don't you?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45What have you done with the self-help book?
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Still cluttering the place up?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49That's the one thing I can't get rid of.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Maybe it's because I have a problem with just buying too much stuff.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Because I know that my life would be so much easier if I didn't have it.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58All of it. How many face creams do I need?
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Nine.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I've got a lot of face creams. I've got at least nine.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- That's a guess.- At least.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I threw out a load of stuff, and I've started buying...
0:21:06 > 0:21:09buying it back on eBay!
0:21:09 > 0:21:14I used to collect, you know those magazines that make encyclopaedias.
0:21:14 > 0:21:18Story Of Pop was one that I had, and I got rid of years ago,
0:21:18 > 0:21:20and I bought it back recently from eBay.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22And it was great to have it back in the house.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24That was a year ago, I haven't opened it, but it's there.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26LAUGHTER
0:21:26 > 0:21:27OK.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29So what's upsetting David Mitchell?
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Sugar lumps.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43You take a commodity that people want to decide how much they want,
0:21:43 > 0:21:49and you congeal it in such a way as to prescribe a minimum dose.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51You don't get that with ketchup.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54You can have as much ketchup on, or as little as you like.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57You don't have to put a minimum of that sized clod of it.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Sugar exists as a powder in a granulated form,
0:22:02 > 0:22:03why turn it into lumps?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06What are you doing? You're only limiting its usage,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08you're not extending its usage.
0:22:08 > 0:22:12So... There you go, sugar lumps, why do they exist?
0:22:12 > 0:22:17Stop doing it. Stop congealing sugar into lumps.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I don't know why it exists, actually.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29And, do you know, one argument you could make,
0:22:29 > 0:22:31let me play devil's advocate, and I mean devil's.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33They're devils, these people!
0:22:33 > 0:22:38..is you could say it's a useful way to take, you know, an amount of sugar.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43You can then hold it, such as a sugar sachet.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46And obviously, a sugar sachet, that involves paper,
0:22:46 > 0:22:47that's worse for the environment.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50However, there exists, and I have seen this,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54and the people who make these are the real Satans of the world.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Sugar lumps in sachets!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59LAUGHTER
0:22:59 > 0:23:03A lump of sugar in a little plastic...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Why is THAT allowed to exist?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10What's the point of that? The only defence for the lump,
0:23:10 > 0:23:14the sugar lump that allows bowls of sugar in cafes to get dirtier
0:23:14 > 0:23:19and, "Oh, I'll have that one. Oh, that's a bit of a wonky one."
0:23:19 > 0:23:21This disgusting thing!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24The only defence is a certain level of convenience.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26And then someone decides, well, actually,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29let's take the sachet that also provides that level of convenience
0:23:29 > 0:23:31and put a lump in it.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35These aren't sugar sachets that have been left in the wet or something,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39this is a deliberately formed sugar lump put in a sachet.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41LAUGHTER
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Can you imagine anything more diabolical?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49APPLAUSE
0:23:51 > 0:23:56I think with sugar lumps, probably,
0:23:56 > 0:24:00every sugar lump in a bowl in a cafe
0:24:00 > 0:24:03has been handled by at least 60 to 100 toddlers.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05You're preaching to the converted, but what I'm saying is,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08if you've decided, "OK, sugar lumps are disgusting,
0:24:08 > 0:24:12"let's put sugar in sachets to limit small amounts of it" - why?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Why?
0:24:14 > 0:24:19Render the sugar into a lump before you put it in a sachet?
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Why?
0:24:20 > 0:24:25Because then the toddler germs won't get on the sugar lump
0:24:25 > 0:24:26you want to use.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28But, no. But, but...
0:24:28 > 0:24:29LAUGHTER
0:24:29 > 0:24:35You... But the unlumpened sugar has the same sweetening effect!
0:24:35 > 0:24:36LAUGHTER
0:24:36 > 0:24:38You don't need to turn it into a lump!
0:24:38 > 0:24:39You can just put it in a sachet!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41The toddlers can't touch it,
0:24:41 > 0:24:44you can have half of it if you don't want the whole thing.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Everyone wins.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48How do they stick it together? The lump?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50God knows!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52LAUGHTER
0:24:53 > 0:24:57I've heard they get Chinese children to cry.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59LAUGHTER
0:25:02 > 0:25:05But you need sugar lumps to be able to feed sugar to horses.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Well...
0:25:08 > 0:25:12You may have hit upon the only use for the sugar lump.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14But, firstly,
0:25:14 > 0:25:20the instances of equine diabetes are through the roof.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24And secondly, I'm sure we could design some sort of spoon
0:25:24 > 0:25:27for feeding sugar to horses.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Or a tube. We know they can blow out, they can probably...
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Yeah, we could give the horse a kind of...
0:25:34 > 0:25:36We don't want horses snorting sugar!
0:25:38 > 0:25:42The other argument you could make in favour of the sugar lump,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44but you wouldn't, unless, you know, came from hell.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49Another argument you could make is that it saves on, you know,
0:25:49 > 0:25:51washing a piece of cutlery, because you don't need a spoon.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54You can just plop it in. You'll need a spoon to stir.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56But you shouldn't use the same spoon to spoon sugar in as to stir.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58That makes you a monster.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01They have those little tongs, though.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04The days of those tongs are gone now. Hardly...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Not in Dunblane.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Really? The last bastion of the sugar tong!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14If you're saying the only way to make the lumps hygienic
0:26:14 > 0:26:18is to use tongs, then you're not saving on cutlery at all.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21That got you.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23LAUGHTER
0:26:23 > 0:26:26But as you pointed out, tongs are on the way out.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29And I, for one, would like to save the tong.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33I've got, in my house, I have sugar tongs.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I have a coal fire with tongs.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39Any excuse to use tongs. I run a small men's clinic.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42LAUGHTER
0:26:42 > 0:26:45I would be sad to see the end of the tong.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47And if you get rid of sugar lumps
0:26:47 > 0:26:49that is going to be a major blow to the tong industry.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52You're going to keep the sugar lump to save the tongs?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Yeah.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55This is madness.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59My mum, every time she made a cup of tea,
0:26:59 > 0:27:03she'd put two spoons of sugar in it, and if we had visitors,
0:27:03 > 0:27:05she'd give them the tea and say, "Do you take sugar?"
0:27:05 > 0:27:08And if they said "No, she'd say, don't stir it!"
0:27:08 > 0:27:11LAUGHTER
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I swear, I swear to you, I didn't make that up.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18OK, so...
0:27:18 > 0:27:23This is tough. I think you're so right about all this.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I would only say there are inane road signs,
0:27:25 > 0:27:29but when I'm driving on my own, I'm just glad of something to read.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31So I'm going to keep that in.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35The sugar lump, as I say, as a champion of the tong,
0:27:35 > 0:27:37I just can't...
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Cos there's nothing left.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42The tongs are no good to you if the sugar lump's in a sachet!
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Unless you have tiny little sachet scissors.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49LAUGHTER
0:27:50 > 0:27:54But I have to say, this is something I've never really thought of,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57but clutter, I think, is a really bad thing.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Just endless clutter all over the place.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02So I am going to put clutter into Room 101.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:16And that brings us to the end of the show, and well done, Judy,
0:28:16 > 0:28:19you were the most persuasive guest, so you are this week's winner!
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Thanks very much, David Mitchell, Judy Murray and Anita Rani.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30And thank you, good night.