0:00:34 > 0:00:38Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:38 > 0:00:42the show where three guests compete to have their biggest bugbears
0:00:42 > 0:00:44banished for ever to the dreaded vault.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46They'll have to argue their case well,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48because in each round only one item can be chosen.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50The final decision is mine.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Joining me tonight are lovely smile, Lucy Porter,
0:00:54 > 0:00:57full of bile, Romesh Ranganathan, and a bit of a trial, Judge Rinder.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Anyway. Let's get ready to grumble.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09What is upsetting Romesh?
0:01:13 > 0:01:16New Year's Eve.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:01:20 > 0:01:24I think it's such an unacceptable day of the year.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- You know, the fact that you're sort of put under pressure...- Mmm.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30..to celebrate it. You know, everyone's sort of geeing up,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32"What you doing for New Year's Eve? What you doing for New Year's Eve?"
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And the thing is, it's the wrong time of the year.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I know it's supposed to be the end of the year, and that's OK,
0:01:37 > 0:01:38but it's just after Christmas.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40And then people are saying, "When do you want to...?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42"What are we doing? When are we meeting up?"
0:01:42 > 0:01:45"Well, I've literally spent Christmas period seeing you.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48"Why would I want to see you again so soon?"
0:01:48 > 0:01:51It's such... It needs to be in the middle, like June or July,
0:01:51 > 0:01:53so you get a six-month break.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Not, we're all hanging out, and a few days later, "Here we are again!"
0:01:56 > 0:01:58"Yeah! It's a shame, isn't it?"
0:02:00 > 0:02:03And then it's just, sort of, the whole thing about the idea
0:02:03 > 0:02:06of New Year's Eve, people getting ready with resolutions and stuff.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I find resolutions... They should be banned.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Cos, like, my mum's New Year's resolution was to see me more.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15No, thank you.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17It's in complete and direct opposition to what I want to do!
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Here's two men who have, I think, changed New Year's Eve
0:02:22 > 0:02:26forever. Their names are Richard Sclafani and Peter Cicero,
0:02:26 > 0:02:31and they invented those glasses with the year on.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35They started them in 1991, and the last ones they made was 2009.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Can I say, every time I look at this picture,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41it winds me up that they're not in chronological order.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46That looks like Biggins, on the right-hand side.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Well, everyone in ridiculous glasses looks like Biggins.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52They're very unflattering, 1991, as well.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- They sort of make you look like you haven't slept for a week.- Yeah.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58This is what I wear on New Year's Eve.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02MUTED LAUGHTER
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Sorry! - HE LAUGHS
0:03:08 > 0:03:10I don't know why that's funny.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17- I'm glad you thought it was funny, it got nothing from the crowd.- No!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20THEY CHEER
0:03:20 > 0:03:23My two favourite types of New Year's Eve are either end of the spectrum,
0:03:23 > 0:03:25either very, very drunk and debauched,
0:03:25 > 0:03:29or at home and in bed by ten o'clock.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Those are the only two.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I think Jools Holland has revolutionised New Year,
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- cos there's actually some decent telly to watch.- He's certainly got me out of the house!
0:03:37 > 0:03:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:41 > 0:03:44The other issue I've got, it's my mother-in-law's birthday...
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- Oh, dear.- ..on New Year's Eve.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48So, that's sort of a double whammy.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Misery, isn't it?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Old red-wine-teeth is definitely going to be over.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56I mean, you seem like a young person,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59why would you have your mother-in-law over
0:03:59 > 0:04:00for New Year's Eve?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Cos it's her birthday.- Oh.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Surely, I mean, I've not met her, but she must have the odd friend,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- I would have thought?- She has got many odd friends! But, em...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13But unfortunately we have to do this family thing.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15That's the problem, isn't it?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17It's because it's on New Year's Eve it's got to be...
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Can't you just tell them not to come?
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Uh, my marriage is...
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Pick up the phone - "I'm awfully sorry, you can't come to our house,
0:04:23 > 0:04:27"sadly... I don't know, one of the pets died, or something."
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I don't understand. Why do you have to have your mum and your aunts...?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It is a good plan, but we don't have any pets,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36so I'd have to buy an animal just to kill it,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38to make that excuse work, which I'm not willing to do.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- To be fair, you could just buy a dead animal.- Yeah, that's true.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- The butchers.- Get a pet turkey in November and...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47"Wow, so the chicken died, and then you de-feathered it,
0:04:47 > 0:04:49"and prepared it for cooking?" Oh, interesting.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Why can't they come round on New Year's Day?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I mean, why must you have your family there that evening?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Because...- He's grilling you in the dock!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59He's grilling me as if I'm the only one that's ever done this.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- Do you know what I mean?- Well, I must say, I've never had your auntie over...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05..but never say never.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10OK, what's upsetting Lucy?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Lavish... I will expand.- OK.- So, lavish proposals.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22I just... I understand that people have to get married.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24It's a duty that we all fulfil at some point.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Well, they don't have to. Can we make that clear?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- Do we not?- I don't want anyone watching this thinking,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30"Oh, my God, I've got to get married."
0:05:30 > 0:05:34I actually had to, because otherwise they wouldn't have stamp the immigration papers.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Fair enough.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- The fact that that's still getting applause is a good sign.- Yeah!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Give it 12 months, you'd be booed off for that.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48ROMESH LAUGHS
0:05:50 > 0:05:52That's true.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I just think there's been a worrying trend recently... And again,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57it's a social media thing.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00My feeling on social media is that Twitter makes you despair of people
0:06:00 > 0:06:03you don't know, and Facebook makes you despise people you do know.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08And on Facebook you get all these pictures of people kind of going...
0:06:10 > 0:06:12And with the caption, "I said yes!"
0:06:12 > 0:06:14And I'm like, "What was the question?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- "Shall we nauseate all our friends on social media?"- Mmm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19It's like, get engaged, do it quietly,
0:06:19 > 0:06:21don't try and do these kind of...
0:06:21 > 0:06:25People do these videos where they try and go viral by doing some big,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- lavish proposal with all their friends and family.- Mmm.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31And I just find it...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- I don't know.- I mean, I...
0:06:33 > 0:06:35When my husband proposed to me... I'm 4ft 11,
0:06:35 > 0:06:38my husband is 6ft five, so...
0:06:38 > 0:06:42He fell to one knee, and I thought, "Oh, that's what he looks like!"
0:06:42 > 0:06:43It was too late to back out.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48I was going to say, he probably needed to tweet you in order to communicate.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50It was a straightforward proposal?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54I mean, he did make me a Quorn Kiev before he proposed.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58And everyone says, "Oh, that's nice, did he put the ring in the Kiev?"
0:06:58 > 0:07:01No. No, he's made me a Quorn Kiev, and then he's said,
0:07:01 > 0:07:02"Look, shall we get married?"
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- And I think that's normal. - LAUGHTER
0:07:05 > 0:07:08That to me is a normal proposal, not all this...
0:07:08 > 0:07:10It's not THAT normal.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- I mean...- It's not normal...
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Down on one knee, I know that is a tradition...
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Quorn Kiev is a new one.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I don't know if you believe in omens,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23but have a look at this proposal.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32That doesn't bode well.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37What about...? Here's a lovely engagement photograph.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42It's weird, isn't it?
0:07:42 > 0:07:46It's like, she's sort of... I wonder if she's got into that position first,
0:07:46 > 0:07:49and the photographer's saying, "This is not quite working for me."
0:07:49 > 0:07:52"Maybe you could look down at her as if she is the worst
0:07:52 > 0:07:54"thing that you've ever seen...
0:07:55 > 0:07:57"..and I think that'll sell it."
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Judging by the look of her shins,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I'd say he's dragged her for nearly half a mile.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Here's a lovely story.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Kaitlin Whipple,
0:08:08 > 0:08:11her boyfriend hid the engagement ring, at the proposal,
0:08:11 > 0:08:14in a milkshake in a diner, thinking
0:08:14 > 0:08:17"She'll drink it, it'll be a deep bottom of the glass, what larks."
0:08:17 > 0:08:20She was rushed to hospital...
0:08:21 > 0:08:23..and this was the X-ray.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30And there's a lovely quote from Kaitlin...
0:08:42 > 0:08:47I really hope she was in a public toilet, and when it came out,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- she flicked the lock to engaged.- Aww!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54That would be so romantic, wouldn't it?
0:08:54 > 0:08:55APPLAUSE
0:08:58 > 0:09:00I lost my wedding ring on a show that we did.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- You know when we did Taskmaster? - Oh, yeah.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04You know you have to put up your stuff?
0:09:04 > 0:09:06So, I put up wedding ring...
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- and then lost.- Oh, yeah. Who won it?- And Josh won it.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Josh Widdicombe, so I just thought, "Oh, he'll give me the ring back."
0:09:11 > 0:09:14So, I went to him, and went "Mate, can I get the wedding ring back?" And he just went,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- AS JOSH:- "Er, I'm perfectly entitled to keep it."
0:09:17 > 0:09:19LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Did he say, "I'm having your wedding ring, but you can have my voice"?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Let's see what's upsetting Robert.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41These are couples who communicate with each other over social media.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I mean, what is wrong with them?
0:09:43 > 0:09:45For a start, I...
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52For a start, I couldn't care less about your private relationship
0:09:52 > 0:09:54whatsoever, at all.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Secondly, people make the most disgusting announcements
0:09:58 > 0:10:01and put them on Facebook, and think that that's perfectly reasonable.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04"I'd like to celebrate my husband, Nigel,
0:10:04 > 0:10:06"he's having an operation this week,
0:10:06 > 0:10:08"and we do hope that...
0:10:08 > 0:10:11"the repair to his prolapse is successful."
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I don't care! I couldn't care less. And...
0:10:15 > 0:10:19why don't you speak to your husband or partner at home?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- You know, in the secrecy... - Now you've gone too far(!)- Yeah.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25No-one does that. Not after a couple of years.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It's the death of, you know, relationships,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30and normal communication.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Not to mention incredibly boring.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I'm missing out on all this.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36I'm presuming you mean this.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40This would be a typical example...
0:10:40 > 0:10:41LUCY LAUGHS
0:10:42 > 0:10:45..and that's from Lucy Porter.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Did you really do that?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Do you know...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50That's so terribly embarrassing!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:55 > 0:10:58I love this, we get them in my cases sometimes.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Did you mean to shout in that sort of...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03"I really do have a TREMENDOUS husband!"
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You know when you go out of the room and you leave your phone unlocked for a bit?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11No... Don't assume I know anything after 1897.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- I genuinely... It's unlikely.- Are you saying you didn't do that?
0:11:14 > 0:11:19I am saying that that has the fat fingers of my husband all over it.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23This is the sort of thing I want to see about being a couple...
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Romesh Ranganathan.
0:11:37 > 0:11:42Do you know, it's just, she does my head in when we're driving.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44She'll do this, right? I'll be driving.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47She'll be sitting in the passenger seat, and she'll go, "AH! Oh, my God! Oh, God!"
0:11:47 > 0:11:49And I'll go, "Oh, my... What? What's up?"
0:11:49 > 0:11:51She'll go, "I think I know that girl."
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Why would you tell everybody else? I mean, the world?
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Why do they need to know about it?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Because, um...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I lack the spine to confront my wife directly. So...
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- ..I just thought I'd share it.- I've had car journeys with my partner,
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I haven't even communicated that intimately.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15We once did a three and a half hour drive,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19and just before we got in the car we had a massive row.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22We drove in complete silence for three and a half hours.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25And I knew there was live football on the radio...
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I wasn't prepared to push it that far.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I remember there was a point, I let a bloke in,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and he flashed his headlights at me...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It felt like an embrace.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42So, at least they're communicating in some way, Robert.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44No, no. I mean, they can communicate themselves.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48I mean, do you care that his wife hasn't told him he loves her,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50or anything like that? I mean, it's...
0:12:50 > 0:12:53It's like being invited to dinner parties, it's just awful.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54What's wrong with people?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- That's a great analogy, I'll give you that.- Yeah.
0:12:57 > 0:13:02I do think it is fun when people are having problems, though.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Yeah. We want to know. I will only share -
0:13:04 > 0:13:06apart from when my husband hacks my account -
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I will only share negative stuff
0:13:08 > 0:13:11about how he never remembers I like coconut,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13he doesn't know I'm left-handed.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15You know? Cos I don't want to be one of those couples where,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18if we split up, everyone says, "Oh, but they were so perfect together."
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- No.- I want to be one of those couples where people say,
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- "Oh, they've split up", and they go, "Thank God, I thought you were going to say she'd killed him."- Yeah.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I put up similar things just to make people feel better.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I'll say things like, "When we're making love,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32"she looks dead behind the eyes." Do you know what I mean? Stuff like that.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Just to cheer friends up.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:41So...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I think we come to, yes, to the end of this round.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- Have I won?- Um... Not yet.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Lavish proposals...
0:13:49 > 0:13:53I do sort of like the ridiculousness of them,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56and the fact that one can pour scorn on them.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You feel you can pour scorn because someone's having a special moment
0:13:59 > 0:14:02in their life, and so they have love on one side of the seesaw,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05you can put derision on the other.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07So, I would go for that.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Couples, you know, Robert, I know what you mean, it's a bit embarrassing,
0:14:11 > 0:14:14but it is sort of nice that people are still declaring love,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17and aren't so cynical and embarrassed about it.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19They still want to let the world know.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22So, you know what, I'm going to put New Year's Eve into Room 101.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:36 > 0:14:40And so... What's winding up Lucy Porter?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50In most industries, I'm against child labour
0:14:50 > 0:14:53because of the indignity that the children suffer.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54In terms of show business,
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'm against it because of the indignity that we suffer.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- There's just something about it that makes my flesh creep...- Mmm.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04..about children. Cos children are meant to be bad actors,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07and you don't want to see that on screen.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Like, I've never seen a good...
0:15:08 > 0:15:12I don't want to single any out, but all of them are terrible.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Right.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- And...- Is this because you're 4ft 11,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18you're sitting at home thinking, "I could play that part"?
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I think so. You know, cos in the olden days, like,
0:15:22 > 0:15:23do you remember the film Grease?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Right? Cos in Grease, all the teenagers were at least 40.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30They all had crows feet, beer bellies.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34I think in the '50s, though, I think teenagers were about 40.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37It's a new phenomenon, youth.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39It is, and I don't need to see it on television.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40We've done the experiment now,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44we know that all child actors end up with horrible lives.
0:15:44 > 0:15:50Miley Cyrus was a child actor, she was Mickey Mouse club.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Who would have thought that she'd end up on a wrecking ball?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Can I say, every time I see this,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00I know as a heterosexual male I'm supposed to think,
0:16:00 > 0:16:02"Wow, look at that."
0:16:02 > 0:16:05I grew up with my mother telling me that if you sit on a cold surface,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07you'll get haemorrhoids.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11That's all I'm thinking when I look at that picture.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I'm thinking, "She is a fool!"
0:16:15 > 0:16:19It's difficult for parents as well, cos my son, he likes acting,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and we have to go and watch performances or whatever,
0:16:22 > 0:16:26which is fine, because you're genetically sort of hard-wired
0:16:26 > 0:16:28to think that what your son's doing is interesting. But...
0:16:30 > 0:16:32..he's only in it for two minutes, and then I'm just sitting there,
0:16:32 > 0:16:34watching other people's children be crap.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Kids do a bit of acting at home, though, let's face it.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42This is a child who doesn't want to tidy up.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44- MAN OFF-SCREEN:- What's the problem?
0:16:44 > 0:16:47SHE CRIES
0:16:49 > 0:16:51You can't lift that up?
0:16:51 > 0:16:52- CHILD:- No!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Come back and try again.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56You're almost to the sink.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59I can't do it.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02SHE GROANS DRAMATICALLY
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I can't do it.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08That looks like it's very heavy.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I think you can do it, though, Cerys.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12And I think you can lift it up to the sink,
0:17:12 > 0:17:13and you can help clear the table.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15SHE GROANS
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I'm not big enough.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Gosh!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22She's better than most people in Hollyoaks, isn't she?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25That is either a great child actor,
0:17:25 > 0:17:29or some parents are terrorising a kid with some sort of muscle-wasting disease.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Or, just a really heavy bowl.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39OK, and so to Romesh.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Will.i.am, first of all, I think it's obvious he's nicked my look.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59I used to like him when he was in, like, the Black Eyed Peas.
0:17:59 > 0:18:04But I think my biggest issue is him being a judge on The Voice.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07It's very easy to be a judge on those talent shows,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10because what you're supposed to do, you go, "I thought that was...
0:18:10 > 0:18:12"fantastic." And then the audience go nuts.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Or you go, "I thought that was...
0:18:13 > 0:18:16"disappointing." And then they go... But what he does is,
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- AMERICAN ACCENT:- "I thought that was like a unicorn dressed in a tiara
0:18:20 > 0:18:23"just sort of sashaying across my living room floor."
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- He...- Can I say, by the way, before you go any further,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32that we on the BBC believe The Voice is a spent force.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36The sooner it's put out of its misery, the better.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40I also...
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I also find the way that he dresses unacceptable.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Because it's not a stage outfit.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48That is how he dresses.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52So it's not like a costume, that's how he goes to the shops.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54And I think what you are doing is,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57you're encouraging normal people to dress like that,
0:18:57 > 0:19:00and people are going to get beaten up, you know.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Because they think it's OK to wear jodhpurs and, like,
0:19:03 > 0:19:05a bowtie above your right eyebrow.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08And you do that, you get beaten up.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11And then will.i.am's like, "Well, nobody bothers me about it."
0:19:15 > 0:19:16What are you talking about?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- Who...? - Do you know will.i.am?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Um...
0:19:24 > 0:19:27He's a rapper, who was in a group called The Black Eyed Peas.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- He's an entrepreneur.- Right.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32And he's a judge on The Voice.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34You're not on your own, Robert.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35This is a clip from American news.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39I'm just kind of giving you a little bit of what you see here.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44That's Wyclef Jean giving an interview.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46He is one of the many surrogates...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Sorry?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Who is...?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Waal-A, excuse me,
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Waal-A. I got my artists mixed-up.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Is it the right thing to correct him while he's still on?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Do you know what I mean? - I think so.- Is it?
0:20:02 > 0:20:07I think the longer that mistake is allowed to live,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- the more damage it does. - Cos I wonder...
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I wonder, if you just sort of go, "That's Wyclef Jean,"
0:20:11 > 0:20:13and then pan back...
0:20:13 > 0:20:15just, people will go, "maybe that was Wyclef Jean,"
0:20:15 > 0:20:17do you know what I mean?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20My favourite fact about him,
0:20:20 > 0:20:24is he's got a cousin that lives in West Yorkshire.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26I love that.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28He's called will.i.heckers.like.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Do you know, you almost licked your lips before you delivered that.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I couldn't wait! I couldn't wait to get to the punch line.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41It's as simple as that.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46But he is, I mean, he's regarded as an extremely talented
0:20:46 > 0:20:48and successful artist.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- By will.i.am?- Particularly.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Here's a picture of him at the O2.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Get this for a...
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Can I say, one of my horrors as a child
0:20:59 > 0:21:02was that an armchair might stand up.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06And that looks as if what has happened there.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09You could have been sitting in that when it straightened.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15He did a really patronising anti-Trump song, as well.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18He was dressed up as Trump, and he was sort of
0:21:18 > 0:21:21trying to have a go at the fact that Trump's quite sexist, etc.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23The lyrics were so ridiculous.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28It was like he got a four-year-old to put together a feminist agenda.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30It was insane.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33We have a clip of the Trump thing you're talking about.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- OK.- Here he is.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# When I'm president I won't be like Obama
0:21:38 > 0:21:40# If anyone talks... about me I'll bomb em
0:21:40 > 0:21:42# I'm grabbin' that... like there's no tomorrow
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# And if we have problems with Russia I'll bomb em
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# Whatcha going to do about Al-Qaeda and Isis?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49# Whatcha going to do about the Syrian crisis?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51# Whatcha going to do when you step in the door?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53# Will the rich stay richer and the poor stay poor?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55- # No... - # Ah, shut up, girl
0:21:55 > 0:21:57# It ain't about you, girl It's all about me, girl
0:21:57 > 0:21:59# Don't you see my name on the, on the building, girl?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01# And when I'm president, I'ma, I'ma own the world
0:22:01 > 0:22:03# I'm a star. #
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Wow! I'd have voted for Trump(!)
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I mean, I reckon that's why he won.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Before we finish this...
0:22:11 > 0:22:14That's the worst thing that I've... I mean, I've seen...
0:22:14 > 0:22:15That...
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Put it in Room 101.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20I might do, in a minute.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Before we move on,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29can I just show you my favourite ever will.i.am lookalike?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33LAUGHTER
0:22:34 > 0:22:36APPLAUSE
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Oh, it's the little things in life.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43And so,
0:22:43 > 0:22:44to Robert Rinder.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52School reunions,
0:22:52 > 0:22:53what's the point?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I mean, first of all,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57if it's been that long and you've not seen them,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00then there's almost certainly a jolly good reason in the first place.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04That's the first reason. Secondly,
0:23:04 > 0:23:06you go back, as far as I can gather,
0:23:06 > 0:23:11somebody I knew borrowed a more pleasant wife and a car to show up
0:23:11 > 0:23:15and lord it over the other people who were still there.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18You know, "Isn't my life much better than yours?"
0:23:18 > 0:23:20That's really why you go, to see where you're doing
0:23:20 > 0:23:23vis-a-vis some other poor person, who you almost certainly realise
0:23:23 > 0:23:25wasn't going to do well in any event.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Plus it's school.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Which was, you know, unpleasant for most people anyway.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34What sort of conversations...?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36What...? You know, "Oh, you were always so quiet."
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Yes, that's cos I hated you.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Anyway, that's why I want to get rid of it.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44APPLAUSE
0:23:45 > 0:23:46Also, why would you...?
0:23:48 > 0:23:49It's like a cricket clap.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52That was a single to third man.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Disaster. I mean...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I take it you haven't been to one?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Well, they haven't... They haven't invited me.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05I didn't really suit the condition of childhood terribly well,
0:24:05 > 0:24:07is the problem. I mean...
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I once had a teacher sit me down who said, "I just want you to know,
0:24:10 > 0:24:12"I really, really hate you."
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Isn't that sweet?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17How old were you at that stage?
0:24:17 > 0:24:1912, probably.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22No, but I was incredibly annoying, is the problem.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I find that hard to believe.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25Yeah. No, but I mean...
0:24:25 > 0:24:27What was the point...? I mean...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Yeah. I mean, it was all a disaster.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31This is completely true.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I was never on, you know that Friends Reunited thing?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36I was never on that.
0:24:36 > 0:24:41But recently, I thought, I will look up somebody who I fancied at school.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43And, obviously, I won't mention her name,
0:24:43 > 0:24:46but I looked up her name and, you know,
0:24:46 > 0:24:48where she lived and stuff like that.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49And she was on there...
0:24:51 > 0:24:54But the only place I could find her, it was,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57the heading was WikiLeaks BNP members list.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00ALL: Oh!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Now, I was expecting some physical decay,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I thought morally, she'd still be all right!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08- But, yeah, that's... - That's dreadful.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11That's how I find my ex-loves.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Why do you care about these people?
0:25:15 > 0:25:18They're all dreadful. Everybody you were at school with was dreadful.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Idiots. All of them.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24But there's cosmic justice, that you go and the ones who were horrible,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27are now unhappy. And the ones who were nice are now...
0:25:27 > 0:25:31It is... It is wonderful when you meet someone at a school reunion,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34and you think, "Wow, your life peaked in year ten."
0:25:37 > 0:25:41I've never been a stunner, you know, so I've not faded.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45I looked dreadful even in my prime.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48So, for me, there's no fear in that.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Because all the people that were really, you know, the hot ones or whatever,
0:25:51 > 0:25:52they look dreadful.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54They've had to see the decline.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57And you sort of look and you go, "I couldn't even tell it was you,
0:25:57 > 0:25:59"you looked so horrendous."
0:26:00 > 0:26:02I was like, I had a beard and glasses from eight.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Didn't you go to school with Rachel Stevens from S Club 7?
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Primary school. That's right, yeah, primary school.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Well, she seems lovely.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14There she is.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Every time I see a picture of S Club 7, I don't know why,
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I have to count them.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21It's not like after all these years,
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I'm going to find out there was eight of them. I always do it.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26There she is in the purple top, looking lovely.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30So that suggests there was nice people in your school past.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32She's very beautiful.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- Probably lost on me even then, I would have thought.- Yeah.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Think yourself lucky,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41my ex-love was from SS Club 7!
0:26:44 > 0:26:47I used to occasionally go back and have a look at my school
0:26:47 > 0:26:50from the outside, just for that, you know...
0:26:50 > 0:26:53This is me at my old school.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57My mum was very late picking me up!
0:27:01 > 0:27:02How old are you there?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- If I was you, I'd get that photo destroyed.- Why?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Do I look like a suspicious character?
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I really think it's not good for you that that photo exists, mate.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I hadn't thought of that, actually.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20You should pan down!
0:27:23 > 0:27:25So, we come to the end of this round,
0:27:25 > 0:27:29I don't think we can put child actors in,
0:27:29 > 0:27:31because I think, probably,
0:27:31 > 0:27:34children should play children in things,
0:27:34 > 0:27:37otherwise you're going to get people childrening up.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38You'll do me out of work.
0:27:38 > 0:27:39I'm sorry about that.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44The school reunion, I don't really like looking back,
0:27:44 > 0:27:46which is hazardous on the motorway.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48But will.i.am,
0:27:48 > 0:27:51there's something warm and cuddly,
0:27:51 > 0:27:55and less butch about him than other rappers.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57You know what, I might...
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Oh, no, to hell with it,
0:27:59 > 0:28:02I'm going to put will.i.am into Room 101.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:12 > 0:28:14And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Well done, Romesh, you were the most persuasive guest,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18so you are this week's winner.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Thanks very much, Romesh Ranganathan,
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Judge Rinder, and Lucy Porter,
0:28:28 > 0:28:30and thank you. Goodnight.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE