0:00:21 > 0:00:24APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello, I'm Frank Skinner and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:35 > 0:00:37the show where three guests explain
0:00:37 > 0:00:39what really winds them up in the hope
0:00:39 > 0:00:44that I'll condemn said things to the grim environs of Room 101.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46They'll have to argue their case well,
0:00:46 > 0:00:48because in each round only one item can be chosen.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50The final decision is mine.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Joining me tonight are comedy gold, Diane Morgan,
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Olympic gold, Nicola Adams,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00and his agents promise me he'll be as good as gold, Frankie Boyle.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07So, let us begin.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09What is winding up Diane?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:22I think they're quite needy people.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Generally.
0:01:23 > 0:01:27Whenever I watch them, I'm never entertained.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31That's quite a negative review.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33- Isn't it?- Really?
0:01:33 > 0:01:34- Yeah!- I love it.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37There was one... I went to a restaurant,
0:01:37 > 0:01:41there was one that was going between the tables, between courses,
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and showing you a card trick.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47And then he'd finished the card trick, and he'd wait,
0:01:47 > 0:01:48and you can't just go...
0:01:50 > 0:01:52You've got to go, "Oh, that was good."
0:01:52 > 0:01:53How did you do that?
0:01:53 > 0:01:57So you feel like they're getting more out of this than you are.
0:01:57 > 0:02:02I think it starts with parents giving kids magic sets.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07Because if you give a kid a magic set, that's like a starter kit for
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- a psychopath, isn't it? - LAUGHTER
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I never had a magic kit, I must admit.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Is it a common gift for children?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16- For psychopaths, yeah.- OK.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19It's so boring.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22It's like cups and balls, who cares?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Pulling flags out of your sleeve.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I just can't find any enthusiasm for it.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Then there's these sort of sexy magicians.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Oh, the American ones that do that?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36So instead of the sparkly leotard,
0:02:36 > 0:02:40the women sort of dress like they might work in a dungeon.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41That's another thing, isn't it?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43The assistants don't get any of the glory.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46They're the ones who are just
0:02:46 > 0:02:49crouching in boxes for the entire act.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- Or being sawn in half? - Or being sawn...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Well, no, they're down the bottom of the...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I don't want a ruin it for anyone.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58There's two bendy women,
0:02:58 > 0:03:00and one of them's crouched in the end of the box,
0:03:00 > 0:03:01that's how it's done.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03CROWD EXCLAIM
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Ah.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07They often marry those assistants as well, don't they?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09That says a lot about what they want from a woman.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14Someone who's prepared to crouch in a box for a few hours.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- And has a twin.- Yeah. - LAUGHTER
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Very bendy.- Yeah.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22We're all looking for bendy women, aren't we?
0:03:22 > 0:03:25I do like... You know the women in the sparkly leotards,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27it takes real confidence, I think,
0:03:27 > 0:03:29to think I'm going to finish this trick
0:03:29 > 0:03:32and that woman is going to go...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34You've got to really believe that it's going to work.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I mean, can you imagine, Frankie, as a comic,
0:03:37 > 0:03:39say if I had a woman standing here,
0:03:39 > 0:03:43every punch line that I do, she goes...
0:03:44 > 0:03:48They'd be those terrible moments when I'd go into the joke,
0:03:48 > 0:03:50and she's ready.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52And then gets nothing from the audience and she has to go...
0:03:55 > 0:03:57It would be that thing as well when you start to lose her
0:03:57 > 0:04:00and you look over and she's just sitting there having a fag.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02Completely...
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I like it.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I must say. When someone comes up to me and starts doing magic,
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I do get slightly thrilled by it.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Even if someone disappears in front of me,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I still feel dead inside.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22I don't know what it is.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I think it's because I know deep down its not really magic.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29See, I'm never completely certain about that.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32There's always the possibility for me that they could be magic.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35No?
0:04:35 > 0:04:36But surely, if you had magic powers,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38the last place you would choose to hide them
0:04:38 > 0:04:39would be an a magic act?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Unless it's a double bluff.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47I'll tell you what I don't like, I don't like up-to-something hands.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Do you know what I mean by that?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Like when magicians hold a card...
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Say if there's a card here like this, instead of...
0:04:54 > 0:04:56You know, if I pick up a card I do this with it.
0:04:56 > 0:05:02There's a card. With magicians there's that sort of...
0:05:02 > 0:05:03And I think, they're up to something.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I immediately think they're up to something.
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Cos no-one ever went like that.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Have you ever played cards with anyone when they said,
0:05:09 > 0:05:10"Hold on, let me just look at my hand?"
0:05:13 > 0:05:15I, erm....
0:05:15 > 0:05:19The problem is it can be, it's sort of funny when it goes wrong.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Like, one of my favourite clips ever
0:05:21 > 0:05:24is a Chinese man making himself disappear.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27I don't know if you're familiar with this.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31This... Well, this is a Chinese man making himself disappear.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE
0:05:40 > 0:05:41LAUGHTER
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Absolutely marvellous!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I think magic's great when it's children.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55But when it is an actual... Another guy going,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57"Oh, where's the ball gone?"
0:05:57 > 0:05:59You're just thinking, "We're both 40.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02"And you have hidden a ball from me."
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Do you mean children doing it or...
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Yeah, children doing it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13But I saw a kid do a funny joke on a magician,
0:06:13 > 0:06:14it's quite cruel.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17A magician at a kids' party was making a handkerchief disappear,
0:06:17 > 0:06:18and he blew on it and it disappeared.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20And the kid went, "Oh, does blowing on things
0:06:20 > 0:06:22"make them disappear, then?"
0:06:22 > 0:06:24And the magician goes, "Yeah." And the kid went...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26HE BLOWS
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Wow!
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I have a clip of some children.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32These are German children doing magic.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I actually think this is brilliant.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36THEY SPEAK GERMAN
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Come on, Diane, that was entertainment!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59That wasn't magic though.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I think that they set that up.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03I think it is a magic trick.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- What? They set it up?- I think so.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07He made the kid disappear.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11The thing is, if they didn't set it up,
0:07:11 > 0:07:15we are all laughing at a child being crushed by a bookcase.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Are you familiar with the old rabbit out the hat?
0:07:18 > 0:07:19- Yeah.- OK.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Get off! Get under.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Hold on.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Well, once they get their claws into the lining.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Oh, God.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32CROWD GROAN AND LAUGH
0:07:47 > 0:07:49So what is winding up Frankie?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56CROWD CHEER
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Richard Branson.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Who... I can't believe I live in a society
0:08:06 > 0:08:10where I'm asked to admire this guy.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14A sort of sun-dried Bee Gee
0:08:14 > 0:08:16who'll probably only wants to travel into space
0:08:16 > 0:08:18so that he can find the rest of his own species.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23He's sort of held up by a something for me to admire,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26because he self-identifies as a good person.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30He said he is an environmentalist and runs an airline.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Saying that he's an environmentalist is like saying that Joseph Stalin
0:08:33 > 0:08:35ran skiing holidays.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40People say, "Oh, you know, you're jealous of Richard Branson,
0:08:40 > 0:08:42"you're jealous of his money."
0:08:42 > 0:08:44If I had all his money, what I'd do with it,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47is I'd use it to pull that island he lives on
0:08:47 > 0:08:48towards Syria.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56We've got a thing, we've got some photos of him.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58One of his things... As you'd imagine,
0:08:58 > 0:09:00a billionaire he's very good at picking up women,
0:09:00 > 0:09:02it's what you'd assume.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06He's one of the worst celebrities at picking up women.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Here he is with Dita Von Teese.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11I accept that one.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14That's the sort of traditional fireman's lift.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16What about this one? This is Kate Moss.
0:09:19 > 0:09:25That's... That looks like somebody's stocktaking at Madame Tussauds.
0:09:25 > 0:09:32When he was 65, their website did 65 questions about Richard Branson.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34So you could learn more about him.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I'll just give you a quick example.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37This is question 12.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Now, I think, what this is, if you're getting up for work at
0:09:48 > 0:09:525:30am it's an absolute sickener.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56But if you're getting up to be a billionaire...
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Get up early!
0:09:57 > 0:09:59You don't want to waste a day.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Cos basically we're all the same when we're asleep.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04The minute you wake up, you're a billionaire.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05I think that's a great move.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08This is the next question.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12Who knew?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22I thought it was a pun on Doctor No, cos he lived on an island.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Also, is life more interesting when you say yes?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30What about if the question is,
0:10:30 > 0:10:34"What band would you like to listen to for the next eight hours?"
0:10:34 > 0:10:36LAUGHTER
0:10:36 > 0:10:40And then this is the last example, this is question 55.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Any ideas?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47It surprised me, it's this.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Yeah, because his broadband doesn't work!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh, marvellous.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04We've got a picture. This is of...
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09This is a dog that looks like Richard Branson.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Actually not bad.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21OK, so what's upsetting Nicola?
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Yeah.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Is this something you do a lot?
0:11:29 > 0:11:33Yeah, well, it always seems to happen when I'm in a rush.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38And I'll be packing all my stuff, I'll be quickly going to the gym.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39And then I can't find my keys.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40And then it makes me late
0:11:40 > 0:11:43and it really annoys me because they're always in,
0:11:43 > 0:11:44like, a weird place.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47So you're sort of absent-minded?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Have you had any blows to the head recently?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53It doesn't happen every time!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- It's just like... It seems to happen when I'm in a rush.- OK.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00They just appear. I've found them in the dog's bed.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01How they got there, I do not know.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03In the dog's bed?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Yeah.- What kind of dog is it?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I've got a Doberman and a Pomeranian.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10I bet the Doberman had them.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Yeah, the Doberman had the keys.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14That's why they call them a Pinscher!
0:12:14 > 0:12:15AUDIENCE GROANS
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Tough crowd. Tough crowd.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24It's amazing we still have keys, don't you think?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You could have like
0:12:26 > 0:12:28voice recognition on your doors, couldn't you?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31I suppose a lot of drunks
0:12:31 > 0:12:36would freeze to death on their own front steps.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38That's going to happen anyway.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Have you ever been in those hotels,
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I know most hotels they've got the little card,
0:12:43 > 0:12:47but the ones with the proper keys where they have a key ring,
0:12:47 > 0:12:51an enormous key ring, so you can't possibly lose it.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Have you ever had one of those?
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Yeah, but you know what you do with them?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55You always take the big part off
0:12:55 > 0:12:57so you can get it into your pocket and then...
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Do you?- Yeah.- You're really not supposed to do that.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I've got one that I use, which is...
0:13:03 > 0:13:08It celebrates one of my favourite clips, it's...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12It's the magician running into the door key ring.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23And you just don't lose this.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29OK. So we've come to the end of that round, I...
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I'm worried about putting Richard Branson in,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35partly because...
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- CROWD:- Go on!
0:13:37 > 0:13:43I'm quite a fan of the Virgin train first-class section.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47I also love the bit when it crosses over the border in Scotland,
0:13:47 > 0:13:51because that's the moment I know I've got first class to myself.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58To hell with it! I'm putting Richard Branson into Room 101.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Right.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Moving on to Diane's next choice.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Microwaves.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Or microwave ovens.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24I just don't trust them.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Never have.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29They cook food from the inside out.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30I don't know why.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32It's not natural, is it?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35It's a bizarre order of events.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It uses gamma rays, I was reading about these.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40These use gamma rays, and I thought,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43where have I heard of gamma rays before?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46And then I realised, it was the Hulk.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47The Incredible Hulk.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Oh, yes?
0:14:48 > 0:14:52That must be why I don't like microwaves.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55It's one of the great inventions of the last 100 years, isn't it?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- The microwave?- I think in ten years they'll be saying,
0:14:58 > 0:15:02"Oh, my God, I can't believe that people used to use microwave ovens."
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I think with kids, you've kind of got to use them though, haven't you?
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Because you've got to get some calories into these monsters.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15And you can't be going, "Well, you guys chop the parsley?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18"I'll get the mushrooms." You know, you've just got to slam some, like,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20pasta ready meal into a microwave
0:15:20 > 0:15:25and then just scrape it into their faces.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Before they go insane.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29But you could use a saucepan, it will take 20 minutes.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I've not got 20 minutes.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I've got like two minutes, tops.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35At certain points you need a microwave.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Exactly, you can't get the slow cooker out for kids.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44"Just sit down, do some crayoning for eight hours.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46"And we'll all gather around."
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Nothing tastes better having come out of a microwave.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54I don't need it... I just want it to taste warmer.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57You can use a hair dryer for that.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Funny you should say that, what about this as a method.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04This is how to heat a slice of pizza in a hotel room.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Would you rather do that?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14I'd rather do that than a microwave.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- OK.- What about these onion rings?
0:16:20 > 0:16:21That looks safe!
0:16:23 > 0:16:27See, I like the fact that with a microwave I can do my exercises and
0:16:27 > 0:16:30the ding goes off and then I can just get my food.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I know the time's done.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35How long do your exercises take?
0:16:35 > 0:16:41I do, like, a two-minute thing, and I'll do my press-ups and my sit-ups,
0:16:41 > 0:16:42and I know I've done two minutes
0:16:42 > 0:16:44when the ding goes off and then I get my food.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- That is perfect.- It's like a workout before my meal.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- See.- Set a timer!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51But then you don't get food at the end of it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52You don't get the motivation.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54You don't get radioactive food.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57Yeah, but if Nicola had a slow cooker,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00she'd be absolutely wrecked by the time her food was there.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02OK, so to Frankie.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Celebrity atheists. I am an atheist.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16But I don't like celebrity atheists. I was a very bad Catholic.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Unless you include my attitude to condoms,
0:17:18 > 0:17:22in which case I was an amazing Catholic.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27But I don't like the judgmental nature of celebrity atheists,
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I think religions... Some religions have done good things.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33The Quakers fought against the Vietnam War,
0:17:33 > 0:17:35liberation theology in Central America.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38Those people got killed standing up for poor people,
0:17:38 > 0:17:39and what's the reward?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42To be looked down on by Ricky Gervais.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43LAUGHTER
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I don't need Ricky Gervais to tell me that God doesn't exist
0:17:46 > 0:17:48when I watched Derek get recommissioned twice.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:55 > 0:17:56I just sort of think,
0:17:56 > 0:17:59you know, we all need something to get through.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03And why stand in judgment on what other people need?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06So Ricky Gervais, or Richard Dawkins, or whoever,
0:18:06 > 0:18:09they need re-tweets, or whatever they need.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12And other people need different things.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I just feel the whole thing sort of...
0:18:14 > 0:18:16The whole thing's a bit religious.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20You know, so it's the idea of certainty, to me, is very religious.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23The idea of judgment is very religious and it's blaming God.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24It's blaming religion.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27They go, "Oh, religion causes violence."
0:18:27 > 0:18:30OK, some violence is caused by religion,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32some violence is caused by lager.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36Some violence is caused by people cheating at pool.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40But at the moment when you go, I'm blaming that on God,
0:18:40 > 0:18:43that's like you don't get any mayonnaise in your Chicken Zinger,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46and you blame it on Colonel Sanders.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48I can sense Nicola here thinking,
0:18:48 > 0:18:51"What's wrong with violence all of a sudden?"
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Well, this is a difficult one for me.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56I am a practising Roman Catholic,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00so I'm sort of against celebrity atheists for other reasons than you.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I mean, I don't mind anyone being an atheist,
0:19:02 > 0:19:06that's sort of a little bit more elbow room in paradise for me.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14But I think what's happened is being an atheist,
0:19:14 > 0:19:17or a celebrity atheist is incredibly cool.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18And it's also, sort of,
0:19:18 > 0:19:20associated with science and all that.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24So it's like that all the intelligent people, you know,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27like Stephen Fry and Dawkins, they're all atheists.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31So it's like there's an elite gentlemen's club
0:19:31 > 0:19:35with Dawkins and Stephen Fry sitting chatting.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39And I'm in Julie's Pantry with Cliff Richard.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42It's a bit like, you know when a toddler goes,
0:19:42 > 0:19:44"Oh, I think I saw a fairy. Is that a fairy?"
0:19:44 > 0:19:46And you go, "No, it's just a moth."
0:19:47 > 0:19:50And then you tweet all day about how it's just a moth,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52and you write a book about how it's just a moth.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55It's like, nobody asked you people to do this.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Nobody asked Ricky Gervais to do this.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59It's like one of those people,
0:19:59 > 0:20:00you know those people who used to direct you
0:20:00 > 0:20:03into a parking space without being asked?
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Like, come on, mate. You've just taken this on yourself.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Here's a Stephen Fry quote which probably sums it all up.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12He said...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Stephen Fry.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26He certainly will.
0:20:28 > 0:20:29LAUGHTER
0:20:31 > 0:20:33OK, and so to Nicola.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44This is exactly the reason.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46- What?- Like you can never look good.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48I mean, you've got to wrap up.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50It's cold.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51It's always raining.
0:20:51 > 0:20:56You know, it's not me. I'm a summer person.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Summer clothes.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59It's hard to look good in winter.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04I suspect the reason for this is, if you don't mind me saying,
0:21:04 > 0:21:06that you're in great shape.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08- And you don't want to hide that away. Is that right?- Exactly.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Yeah. OK.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I mean, I understand that.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14We have a picture of you in your...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16AUDIENCE WHOOP
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Well, exactly. I used to have quite a flat stomach.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21In the '90s.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24And every picture of me that was taken, I used to get it out.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25I was so pleased.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28This is just a standard paparazzi shot.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31And as soon as... Look.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I was so happy with that.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36But now I look forward to it.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39You can take it down now.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41I look forward to winter now at my age.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44The more multilayers, the better.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50I think boxers are famous for their style, for their fashion.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53So we've got a few to look at.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54That's Mike Tyson.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59That looks like he's leaned on something and people...
0:21:59 > 0:22:04- Yeah!- It just shows you how little people can tell him the truth.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05LAUGHTER
0:22:05 > 0:22:09"Is this a nice jacket?" "Sure, Mike."
0:22:09 > 0:22:12And this is, this is Chris Eubank.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13That's pretty cool.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- No?- No.- You don't like that?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Why is he wearing the monocle thing?
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Like, what's that about?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Because I think it's fair to say, he's slightly eccentric.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Have you met Chris Eubank?
0:22:25 > 0:22:26- Yeah.- How was it?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- How did it go?- It was an experience.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34I met Chris Eubank at a film premiere.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Did he shake your hand?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Yes.- Did he squeeze it really, really hard?
0:22:38 > 0:22:39- No.- No, he probably wouldn't with you.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44I think with men he really, really squeezes your hand.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Very, very tight indeed, just to prove he is...
0:22:47 > 0:22:48See, I'm funny with handshakes,
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I don't like when people squeeze my hand really tight.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52No. I didn't like it.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53It's your tools, isn't it?
0:22:53 > 0:22:56I saw him shake hands with Jeff Goldblum,
0:22:56 > 0:22:58you know Jeff Goldblum, the actor.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01And he really squeezed it and Jeff Goldblum was doing...
0:23:01 > 0:23:04And you know Jeff Goldblum speaks in a slightly...
0:23:04 > 0:23:05And he's going,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07AS JEFF GOLDBLUM: "That is... Erm... Hurting me."
0:23:10 > 0:23:13OK, so at the end of that round...
0:23:13 > 0:23:17Microwaves, I'm completely dependent on.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20I've almost abandoned all other forms of cooking.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I don't mind going blind in one eye if I get a meat pie in two minutes.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Well, you know what, I can talk about winter clothes forever,
0:23:31 > 0:23:34but I'm still putting celebrity atheists into Room 101.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Right, we've got time to make a bonus choice,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51so let's see what Frankie has chosen.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I just feel life is hugely overrated.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10I know... Actually, it's always quite weird Scotland
0:24:10 > 0:24:14comes top of these "how happy are you with your life?" studies.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16And I think that's because
0:24:16 > 0:24:21researchers don't really understand sarcasm.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26But I think, do you ever just open your eyes in the morning and go,
0:24:26 > 0:24:27"Not this again."
0:24:28 > 0:24:30If someone said to you,
0:24:30 > 0:24:33"Oh, we'll go and see a movie that was, like, the day of your life."
0:24:33 > 0:24:35You know, it's going to be 16 hours long.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Nothing really happens,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39and in the middle the main character has to go for a poo.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41LAUGHTER
0:24:41 > 0:24:42You probably wouldn't go.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44It peaks early.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Life peaks at about 12, maybe,
0:24:47 > 0:24:51and then it just starts to get worse and worse, and I'm now, like, 44.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53I've got a body like a dropped lasagne.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Women look at my naked body
0:24:57 > 0:25:00in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07And we've all just got to, kind of, we've got to make it through.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Having had the high points of life already, you know,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14by the time you reach a certain age you've heard your favourite song,
0:25:14 > 0:25:18you've met the person you love the most, there's nobody who is 65,
0:25:18 > 0:25:19sitting about going,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22"Oh, that Angry Birds movie is the film I've waited all my life for."
0:25:24 > 0:25:26And there's almost no consolation.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30So we're supposed to say, "Oh, you know, life is about love,
0:25:30 > 0:25:32"loving people and being loved in return."
0:25:32 > 0:25:33And that, and I think, really,
0:25:33 > 0:25:37we're in relationships because we don't want to die alone.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Which is why I've always planned
0:25:39 > 0:25:41on taking quite a lot of people with me.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46You know, if someone gave you a drug that was love,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49and warned you what the withdrawal was going to be like,
0:25:49 > 0:25:50you wouldn't take it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52If someone said, "Take this, it's amazing,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54"but afterwards you're going to feel like you're having
0:25:54 > 0:25:57"open heart surgery performed by a swarm of wasps."
0:25:57 > 0:25:59LAUGHTER
0:25:59 > 0:26:00You wouldn't do it.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:11 > 0:26:14You see, Nicola, you don't get this on A Question Of Sport.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20I mean, we're having a lovely time, aren't we?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Professional comedians and all that.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25This is, sort of, just a distraction for it, isn't it?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27- For people.- What is? Life?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29No, this show, you know.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Maybe it's just me, but I...
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I'm quite chirpy about at all.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44Like, for example, here's a thing, I'm right-handed.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49And so cutting the nails on my right hand, with my left hand,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I find quite tricky.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55So what I do, I do that hand first,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58and then I've got the easy bit to look forward to.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04And I think that's how you have to construct life.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07So you're always... Deferred gratification,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10you're always looking forward to the next peak.
0:27:10 > 0:27:11That was like Buddha.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14Thanks very much.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18But I mean, it's probably better than death? Is it?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Oh, a lot better.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22To be honest, I was just having a hard week
0:27:22 > 0:27:24when they asked me to choose the thing.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31For some people, I think you'd agree,
0:27:31 > 0:27:34life seems... Everything seems to go perfectly for them.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Wouldn't you say? You know those sort of people.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38You take this crowd surfer.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55I know what you're thinking, it might well be full of urine.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Well, look, it doesn't matter what I think, Frankie,
0:27:57 > 0:28:00it's your bonus choice. It's going into Room 101.
0:28:08 > 0:28:09And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12Well done, Frankie, you were the most persuasive guest,
0:28:12 > 0:28:14so you are this week's winner.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16APPLAUSE
0:28:20 > 0:28:25Thanks very much, Frankie Boyle, Diane Morgan and Nicola Adams.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26And thank you, good night.