0:00:32 > 0:00:35Hello, I'm Frank Skinner, and welcome to Room 101,
0:00:35 > 0:00:38the show where three guests battle to get the things they hate
0:00:38 > 0:00:42entombed for all eternity in the dreaded vault.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44They'll have to argue their case well because, in each round,
0:00:44 > 0:00:46only one item can be chosen.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48The final decision is mine.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Let's meet this week's guests.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Joining me tonight are "Last Leg" Alex Brooker,
0:00:52 > 0:00:53"Break A Leg" Sally Phillips,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56and "Bite Your Legs" Jeremy Paxman.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59APPLAUSE
0:01:05 > 0:01:07OK, so what's upsetting Jeremy Paxman?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13APPLAUSE
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Some of the audience obviously recognise him
0:01:21 > 0:01:25- from that caricature. - He eats a lot of salt.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27LAUGHTER
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I just think that David Cameron was the worst Prime Minister
0:01:30 > 0:01:33we've had for a very, very long time.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Several generations.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38Certainly since Anthony Eden, possibly since Neville Chamberlain,
0:01:38 > 0:01:42probably since Lord North, in fact, who lost the American colonies.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43So I'm...
0:01:43 > 0:01:46That could be the first Lord North reference
0:01:46 > 0:01:48we've ever had on this show.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51But not the last tonight, I can assure you!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53I think you're choosing him next, aren't you?
0:01:53 > 0:01:54LAUGHTER
0:01:56 > 0:02:00The real sin, I think, with Cameron was - this man who,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02in the words of friend of mine,
0:02:02 > 0:02:05got to the top of the tree in order to set it on fire...
0:02:05 > 0:02:09- Hmm.- ..put the interest of his party before the interest of the country,
0:02:09 > 0:02:11and decided to have this referendum.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15Believed one thing was the only right outcome for the country,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17didn't campaign for it, got the opposite outcome,
0:02:17 > 0:02:18and then buggered off!
0:02:18 > 0:02:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Just doesn't seem like leadership to me.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32No. I mean, I think his plan was to destroy UKIP, wasn't it?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- I thought you were going to say destroy YOU!- No!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38I think that's his next plan. LAUGHTER
0:02:38 > 0:02:39When he sees this.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42No, I think his plan was to destroy UKIP,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45which, as we know, is Ukip's job.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47LAUGHTER
0:02:47 > 0:02:52So, when you say he's the worst Prime Minister since Lord North,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55don't you think that Theresa May
0:02:55 > 0:02:58sort of outmistaked him
0:02:58 > 0:03:01when she called a general election?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Yes, I suppose she did, really.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07But that election hasn't changed fundamentally the direction
0:03:07 > 0:03:11of the country in the way that the referendum has.
0:03:11 > 0:03:12Mm, good point.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I tell you what, when he first came to power, of course,
0:03:16 > 0:03:17he was part of the coalition.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21I have a lovely souvenir of that...of that era.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24This is a coalition mug.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Oh, it's lovely!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27It's a fetching thing!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Yeah, with Cameron, and...
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- ..they've sort of got them to scale to match their relative power.- Yes.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Cos I always thought it was like...
0:03:36 > 0:03:38You know when you see a footballer come on the pitch
0:03:38 > 0:03:41and he's holding hands with the mascot who's dressed the same,
0:03:41 > 0:03:44but you know only one of them's going to be playing?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47That's how it was with the coalition, I thought.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49There was a time when he left his kid in a pub.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53And I thought, "Maybe he's not ALL bad."
0:03:53 > 0:03:56LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Maybe there is a bit of him that IS like the rest of us.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Yeah. You're obviously,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06probably the only person here who sort of knew him,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08is that fair to say?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- Sort of, yes.- Yeah. See, I imagine he's one of those politicians
0:04:12 > 0:04:16who's very different sort of off-camera than he is on camera.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Is that fair?- I don't think so. I mean, he's a smoothy chops.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21OK.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26That's the sort of analysis we never got from you on Newsnight.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30We've got a clip of him playing table tennis,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33which I think sort of shows what he's like
0:04:33 > 0:04:36as an international statesman in some way.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- OBAMA:- A little spin there.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Don't... Don't laugh cos I'm nervous.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Obama can play, can't he? - Of course he can play!
0:04:54 > 0:04:56He's good at everything.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00It was a very strange tweet that David Cameron sent.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Look at this.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11And then a photo of him on the phone.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14As if Obama called and he said to someone, "It's Obama!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15"Quick take a photo!"
0:05:15 > 0:05:18LAUGHTER
0:05:18 > 0:05:20He looks like he's just been put on hold.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22LAUGHTER
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Do you actually think Obama did that when he left office
0:05:25 > 0:05:27and never told him?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30He's got some bloke in Bangalore trying to explain to him
0:05:30 > 0:05:33what he should do to reboot his Wi-Fi!
0:05:33 > 0:05:35LAUGHTER
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Isn't it amazing? Don't you find that, as a political analyst,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44the fact that for two whole terms America wanted Barack Obama,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46and then the next thing they wanted was Donald Trump?
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- It's quite a big change of opinion, that, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53It's the biggest political switch
0:05:53 > 0:05:57since Lembit Opik went from Sian Lloyd
0:05:57 > 0:05:58to Gabriela Cheeky.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03That's an absolutely appropriate analogy!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08OK, so, what is winding up Sally?
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Yeah.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:06:14 > 0:06:16This is going to be brilliant!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18LAUGHTER
0:06:18 > 0:06:21The cult of positive thinking,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23which is the kind of pseudoscience,
0:06:23 > 0:06:27the idea that you are magic and that your brain,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29through the power of quantum physics,
0:06:29 > 0:06:33can summon anything to yourself that you want.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37So your brain is inordinately powerful and anything you think
0:06:37 > 0:06:38materialises.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42So, if you visualise yourself with a very attractive boyfriend,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44you will get a very attractive boyfriend.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46But you have to be very, very careful
0:06:46 > 0:06:47and police your mind at all times.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Because if you accidentally envision yourself having sex
0:06:51 > 0:06:55with David Cameron, that also will happen!
0:06:55 > 0:06:58But presumably, you're anti-negative thinking as well?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02I am anti-extreme optimism and extreme pessimism.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Anything that pretends that the other side isn't there.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06But I think that, basically,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10to be pessimistic is less stressful than to be...
0:07:10 > 0:07:14..optimistic. Like, being really pessimistic is kind of fun.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16And if you have zero expectations of life,
0:07:16 > 0:07:17you're generally delighted, I find.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19LAUGHTER
0:07:19 > 0:07:20It makes you happy.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Well, I have to say, if you don't like positive thinking,
0:07:24 > 0:07:26you're certainly on the right show.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I mean, I think it's quite important
0:07:30 > 0:07:32to not go around asking the question, "Why me?"
0:07:32 > 0:07:35when something bad happens. But go, "Why NOT me?"
0:07:35 > 0:07:38I mean, to hold both those questions.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I tend not so much to ask "why me?" as "why not them?".
0:07:41 > 0:07:43LAUGHTER
0:07:43 > 0:07:47There's always someone who seems to deserve misfortune
0:07:47 > 0:07:49much more than I do.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I tell you where this belief definitely exists -
0:07:54 > 0:07:55on Deal Or No Deal.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Cos they open the box and say,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02"I'm really now rooting for you on this one."
0:08:02 > 0:08:07What's in the box is not going to change from when they brought it on.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Noel Edmonds, of course...
0:08:08 > 0:08:10He is, he's a cosmic orderer.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- A cosmic orderer?- Which is basically like intergalactic Amazon.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14He, like...
0:08:16 > 0:08:21Noel Edmonds actually believes that if you write down a list of what you
0:08:21 > 0:08:25want, you will get everything on that list.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27You don't even get that with Ocado.
0:08:27 > 0:08:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Then there's... There's the guy who
0:08:35 > 0:08:38ordered, in 2014 from Tesco's, a walnut loaf,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41and they substituted it with an octopus.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Really?- Yeah!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Well, everyone gets a leg, as they used to say.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54I mean, I can see the argument for being positive in life.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I don't know if it necessarily would change a physical thing,
0:08:57 > 0:08:59but it seems better than being negative.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I just think it's dangerous to exclude the other side.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- But I am 60 now.- Ah!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I know!
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- Think positively, Frank. - You look amazing.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11But when you get...
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It feels like a bit of an important thing,
0:09:13 > 0:09:14and you can look at it two ways.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18For example, one thing I thought when I was 60,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21it suddenly struck me that I've probably got enough pencils
0:09:21 > 0:09:24to last me the rest of my life.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Now, that's a positive spin, I would say.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32At the same time, when I heard that Big Ben wasn't going to bong till
0:09:32 > 0:09:362021, I thought, "That could be it for me and Big Ben."
0:09:36 > 0:09:37LAUGHTER
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Does it seriously make you feel better that you might have enough
0:09:41 > 0:09:42pencils to last until you die?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45It does, it does. I walk past pencil shops now and think...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47LAUGHTER
0:09:47 > 0:09:50"Don't bother me."
0:09:50 > 0:09:54What about this? This is a jar of smiles, it's called.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57And if you're feeling a bit down,
0:09:57 > 0:10:01you just put your hand in the jar of smiles and take out a positive
0:10:01 > 0:10:05thought, and it raises you up for the rest of the day.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I can't believe I'm going to offer one of these to Jeremy Paxman.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10LAUGHTER
0:10:10 > 0:10:12But I am, I am.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- How exciting! Come on. After you. - Dig deep, dig deep, it's not...
0:10:16 > 0:10:18You can pick any one you like.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Thank you very much.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I've got to be positive to think I can pick one of these out.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26No, you can do it.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I was rooting for you!
0:10:28 > 0:10:31LAUGHTER
0:10:31 > 0:10:33OK, what have you got, Sally?
0:10:33 > 0:10:37"Your past mistakes are there to guide you, not define you."
0:10:37 > 0:10:39AUDIENCE: Oooh!
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Well, if David Cameron was watching this, that will cheer him up again.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44That's true.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Jeremy.- Well, this in fact... This is useful, too.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Looks like you're back on Newsnight.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57LAUGHTER
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Alex.- "One small positive thought in the morning
0:11:02 > 0:11:04"can change your whole day."
0:11:04 > 0:11:06AUDIENCE: Aww!
0:11:06 > 0:11:08That's the best euphemism I've ever heard in my life.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Just to prove, one last bit of proof that it doesn't always work,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17positive thinking, this is a guy called Kurt Bradley.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21And Kirk Bradley was so confident that Manchester City
0:11:21 > 0:11:23were going to win the Champions League
0:11:23 > 0:11:27that he had a tattoo celebrating that very fact.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31There you go. "2011 champions."
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Didn't happen.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Unfortunately. I have to say, though, I know how he feels.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I had a tattoo done.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:49 > 0:11:51OK, and so to Alex...
0:11:56 > 0:11:59It's not as much the tourist attractions themselves.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Like, I like a pyramid as much as the next man.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07It's the other people that go to them that ruin it.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Every tourist attraction I have ever been to has been ruined by other
0:12:12 > 0:12:15people. By tourists. It's horrendous.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19You know, we went to Mexico, went to Chichen Itza, the big temple.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21All I wanted was a funny little photo
0:12:21 > 0:12:23where it looked like I was holding it.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26I don't think that's much to ask, if you've gone to Mexico.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28People getting in the way, in the back of shot.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Harry Potter World, a very different experience,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34but again ruined by other people.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I'm sick of it.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Went swimming to see turtles.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40The fellow, the tour guide yells "turtle",
0:12:40 > 0:12:43and you think a few people would just put their goggles underneath,
0:12:43 > 0:12:46there's a turtle. You've seen one before. They acted like
0:12:46 > 0:12:47he'd just yelled "mermaid"!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50It's a scramble, there's GoPros everywhere...
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I got hit in the head with a GoPro.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It's like, "Why have I bothered?"
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Well...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00LAUGHTER
0:13:06 > 0:13:07I've got an idea for you, Alex.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11- Go on.- If you don't like tourist attractions, don't be a tourist.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Hmm.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17That should have been in one of those little jars on a bit of paper.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I went on - and I swear this is a true story -
0:13:21 > 0:13:26I took my partner on a romantic weekend to Bergen, in Norway,
0:13:26 > 0:13:27and we basically had
0:13:27 > 0:13:30the Leprosy Museum to ourselves.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37So what YOU'RE doing, you're going, you know, to the massive crowd...
0:13:37 > 0:13:40If you don't like people, you need to just drop your sights a bit.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43The thing is, if I went to the Leprosy Museum,
0:13:43 > 0:13:45I'd worry that people thought I was part of the attraction.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50"It's like Madame Tussaud's in here, let's get a photo with this guy!"
0:13:53 > 0:13:55You've been to Sydney?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Yes, I have been to Sydney.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Now, when you first saw the Sydney Opera House,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02weren't you blown away by it?
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Yeah, I thought it was great.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07The first time I went, cos I don't drink, I don't do drugs,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10so the only way I can get sort of spaced out now is with a long-haul
0:14:10 > 0:14:14flight. You know when you're in Sydney, sort of like that,
0:14:14 > 0:14:17you've just had 24 hours on a plane,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20and I went to the bay and looked at it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24And I stood there on my own for about ten minutes looking at this...
0:14:24 > 0:14:27You know... There, the Sydney Opera House.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30And I remember of all the thoughts you could have about that,
0:14:30 > 0:14:33about the architecture, about opera, whatever,
0:14:33 > 0:14:37the thought that went through my head most dominantly was,
0:14:37 > 0:14:39"I bet I could make a model of that
0:14:39 > 0:14:40"out of my own toenails."
0:14:40 > 0:14:44LAUGHTER
0:14:45 > 0:14:47And...
0:14:50 > 0:14:51When I got home...
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Now...
0:14:54 > 0:14:56LOAD GROANING
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Look at that.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Now, you can't get that in the souvenir shops.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07And I tell you, what about this?
0:15:07 > 0:15:12As a development I did, when I found another nail...
0:15:14 > 0:15:18So what I've managed to do with this one is Sydney By Night.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21APPLAUSE
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Absolutely beautiful.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Have I won you over, Alex?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31You know what?
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Ignore what I've said.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37It is a pain at tourist attractions, a lot of people,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40but there is something very exciting about seeing those things.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43The first time you see the Sydney Opera House
0:15:43 > 0:15:45or the Statue of Liberty, it's really amazing.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48So I don't think I can put those in.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Positive thinking, you know, I think...
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I agree, at the sharp end it's bad,
0:15:53 > 0:15:59but I am the sort of a person who does believe in those things,
0:15:59 > 0:16:03that people say if you really believe it, it might happen.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05David Cameron, he's in.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08APPLAUSE
0:16:18 > 0:16:22All righty, so what is winding up Sally Phillips?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27APPLAUSE
0:16:31 > 0:16:36These basically turn someone from a decent human being into a moron
0:16:36 > 0:16:38in under two minutes.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Like that.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45What you're saying, this is a particular...
0:16:45 > 0:16:46It's an activity tracker.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Yes, so it's a thing that keeps track of all your steps and...
0:16:49 > 0:16:52It's a pedometer that's, like, more judgmental.
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56But doesn't it keep you fit, and isn't it an incentive to...?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Well, it steals all the joy out of going for a walk
0:16:59 > 0:17:02or doing any exercise whatsoever.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04So it orders you to do 10,000 steps per day.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08Now, this is a figure plucked out of the air from a study done
0:17:08 > 0:17:12in the 1960s on a very small group of Japanese men.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Now, the entire world has been ordered by these different companies
0:17:16 > 0:17:19to do 10,000 steps a day. And that's actually, like, too much to do,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21so you get people at the end of the day
0:17:21 > 0:17:22sort of doing this in the kitchen.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26No-one can concentrate until they've done it.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27- I do wear one.- Yeah?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Here it is, in fact, in case you've never seen one in action,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35so that's the thing.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39So I've done 2.3km today.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Not brilliant. Or is it 1.7?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48One and a half calories I've burned off.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53That can't be right, can it?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Also this oversharing thing, you can share your workout with everyone,
0:17:57 > 0:17:59like anyone is interested,
0:17:59 > 0:18:03but people have now started sharing what it does to their heart rates
0:18:03 > 0:18:05during sex. Like...
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I haven't had it THAT long.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10LAUGHTER
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Yeah, but I think
0:18:15 > 0:18:19any measuring is sort of ultimately destructive cos it takes you out
0:18:19 > 0:18:22of the moment and you stop enjoying things.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Well, I recently lost a stone and a half.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25- Congratulations.- Thank you.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26And...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I'm just trying to quell the rumours.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I didn't do that much.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36I just sort of stopped eating...
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I stopped eating cake, and that was basically...
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- That'll do it.- Yeah. I had the occasional lemon drizzle,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44but what do you expect at my age?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47LAUGHTER, GROANING, APPLAUSE
0:18:47 > 0:18:50No, but I... Don't groan and then clap.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Make your minds up.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Do you wear one, Alex?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58No, but the only time I've ever kind of used it,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01like on the iPhone it says how many steps you've done,
0:19:01 > 0:19:05and I quite like to use it as a measurement of laziness.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08So you'd be there on a Sunday, and you go,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10"I've walked ten steps today."
0:19:17 > 0:19:20And then that gets competitive.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- What, to do less?- Yeah.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24The challenge is to do less steps
0:19:24 > 0:19:26than there are members of Steps.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32There is a thing called the Hey Bracelet.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35You buy one for you and one for your partner.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Yeah.- And your partner could be in a different country,
0:19:38 > 0:19:43but if you press the top of your Hey Bracelet,
0:19:43 > 0:19:44it will squeeze their wrists
0:19:44 > 0:19:47wherever they are, as if you'd affectionately
0:19:47 > 0:19:53reached out across continents and squeezed your partner's wrist.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Isn't that...? I mean, it will be misused, I think we all know that.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59LAUGHTER
0:19:59 > 0:20:02So, what's upsetting Jeremy?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Everyone has seen these things.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16- Yes.- They are completely ridiculous.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20They're founded on the notion that somehow a dog needs a jacket
0:20:20 > 0:20:25cos it has no external covering, which is just absurd.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26I don't understand why people do it.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29They make their dogs look ridiculous.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32They must get into a filthy state.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I would... I just don't see the point of them.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Well, they're never warm enough, are they, though, dogs?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40How would YOU know?
0:20:40 > 0:20:41Well, if you light a log fire,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44they're always front row, straightaway.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47No matter how much fur they've got, so...
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Also, if you're going to put clothing on a dog,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54the temptation would be trousers, wouldn't it?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- Yeah.- Because the least furry part
0:20:57 > 0:21:00of a dog is around the private parts.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03There's hardly any fur there. It's the opposite of humans.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- What?!- If I wore a dog skin, I'd basically complete the jigsaw.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11The whole thing would...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16But they always put jackets on them.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20It's like Top Cat. You know, Top Cat just wears a waistcoat.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Nothing underneath. Donald Duck.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24It's not right.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Come on, back me up on this.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29I nearly bought a dog sweater by mistake in Topshop,
0:21:29 > 0:21:30I thought it looked nice.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33I was like, "What are these holes for?"
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- Oh, for yourself?- For myself, I thought, "This is nice."
0:21:36 > 0:21:37It turned out it was for a dog.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44Yeah, but speaking of dog sweaters, are you aware of chiengora?
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Chiengora is wool that is made from the hair of a dog,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51so when you brush your dog,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54you save that stuff out of the brush and then it can be woven into a
0:21:54 > 0:21:56garment. I am not making this up.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- No, I believe you. - This is a woman wearing
0:21:59 > 0:22:02the excess fur of her own dog.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07It's true, so that cardigan and scarf is made from that dog.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09And her wig, by the look of it.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I don't know where she got that from.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13She must have a ginger cat.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:18I'm glad I said cat!
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I actually have got a poncho.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32This is genuine. This is a dog hair poncho.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34AUDIENCE GROANS
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Don't like it? It's lovely...
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- And...- Smelly?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40I'm sorry, higher legs now, I'm walking a bit like this.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44You know how they do that thing with their hind legs?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I hate it when they do that.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49That sort of "here's my genitals" look.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55This is... Feel that, that's proper, proper...
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Do you want to feel a bit of dog?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- What do you think?- Doggie.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02It is doggie. This is from a chow.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04MUFFLED LAUGHTER
0:23:04 > 0:23:06That wasn't a joke.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13I've just seen myself on the monitor, I do look a bit...
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I look like I've just emerged
0:23:16 > 0:23:19through the skin of a rice pudding.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22LAUGHTER
0:23:30 > 0:23:34But it's a dog jacket of a whole different kind,
0:23:34 > 0:23:35I think you'll agree.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38OK, and so to Alex.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48There's become a worrying trend in football now of football fans,
0:23:48 > 0:23:54not children, grown adults who have decided to voice their displeasure
0:23:54 > 0:23:58using a sign which they've made at home.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01And I am completely baffled by it.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I'm an Arsenal fan, so we had a spate in the last...
0:24:05 > 0:24:07AUDIENCE GROANS
0:24:07 > 0:24:11We had a spate in recent seasons
0:24:11 > 0:24:14where a lot of people want the manager to go.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19And these Wenger Out signs appeared from everywhere, and everyone
0:24:19 > 0:24:21seemed to have them, very much like Fitbits.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25This is sort of a classic example of it at the Emirates.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27It's absolutely baffling.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30The idea that before you go to football,
0:24:30 > 0:24:32you could be sat at home
0:24:32 > 0:24:35and, like, your child would turn around and just go,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38"Mum, what's Dad doing with my felt tips?"
0:24:39 > 0:24:44"Well, he's making a sign to tell Arsene Wenger that he wants him to
0:24:44 > 0:24:45"leave, if you just leave him to it,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48"cos he's trying not to go out of the lines," while being very angry.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51And it's just baffling.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Do you think it's because Emirates Stadium is so quiet,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57people are self-conscious about shouting out loud?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:03There used to be a bloke by me, every summer, a bloke, an old guy,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06and every time somebody missed a shot, he'd say,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09"You'd have been no good on the five-inch mortars."
0:25:11 > 0:25:16I thought, "When did you first shout that? 1941?"
0:25:17 > 0:25:21The Wenger Out campaign was an absolute...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23It went kind of global.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26It was absolutely ridiculous.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31Well, this... We have a shot here of an anti-Donald Trump protest in
0:25:31 > 0:25:35Parliament Square. Obviously, a lot of people felt very,
0:25:35 > 0:25:38very strongly about Trump becoming President,
0:25:38 > 0:25:41but if you look on the right there, next to...
0:25:41 > 0:25:45LAUGHTER
0:25:45 > 0:25:48There's actually a Wenger Out sign.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53All sorts of sports now are going for this sort of protest thing.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Golf and snooker have had this phenomenon.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36To me, that's worth it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41There is one home-made sign phenomenon I really like,
0:26:41 > 0:26:45and that is, you know, FC Magdeburg, in Germany,
0:26:45 > 0:26:49they went five games without scoring a goal.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54And their fans had these arrows made.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56LAUGHTER
0:26:56 > 0:27:00And every time they attack, they would point them at the goal!
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Ironically, we used very similar arrows to taunt them from our coast
0:27:07 > 0:27:09during the Dad's Army opening...
0:27:09 > 0:27:11LAUGHTER
0:27:11 > 0:27:12OK, so...
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I'm not going to put dog jackets in.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23And I think Fitbits, they might make some people like automatons,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26but there are some people who maybe wouldn't do exercise who are doing
0:27:26 > 0:27:28exercise, and that's got to be a good thing.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29They do exercise for two weeks.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33Yes, but I think that is what you're supposed to do exercise for,
0:27:33 > 0:27:35according to most gym membership research.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40But I like people to shout and swear at football matches,
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I don't think it should involve writing.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46So much of our communication now is about texts and tweets and stuff,
0:27:46 > 0:27:51so I am going to put home-made football signs into Room 101.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54APPLAUSE
0:28:04 > 0:28:06And that brings us to the end of the show.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Well done, Jeremy, you were the most persuasive guest, so you are this
0:28:09 > 0:28:12- week's winner.- Thank you.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15APPLAUSE
0:28:15 > 0:28:18But you were all truly marvellous,
0:28:18 > 0:28:21so please give a big thank-you to Alex Brooker,
0:28:21 > 0:28:26Jeremy Paxman and Sally Phillips. And thank you. Goodnight.