0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Hello!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36And welcome to Good News. So, what's been happening?
0:00:36 > 0:00:40I tell you what, Bill Turnbull knows how to make a woman feel good.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- I'm so old.- I know.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49It gets worse. I think he's going to kill her.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50I'm getting the gloves on.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- I'm a bit alarmed.- Yeah!
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Nick Owen wins my award for Most Animated Eyebrows of the Week.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09The hip-hop crews have been perfecting their routines ahead...
0:01:10 > 0:01:15Over on BBC Breakfast, Giles Coren described his oral sex technique.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17GOBBLING
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Here's a tip, if you're going to pose as a superhero,
0:01:21 > 0:01:24make sure there's not a kid behind you.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Katie is at a school in Hull.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Morning! Where's your costume?
0:01:35 > 0:01:39So, what's been happening? Well, Jesus Christ, it's been hot.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- Scorching temperatures. - Slap on that sunscreen.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Wall-to-wall sunshine.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- 82F.- A scorcher.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46It's barbeque weather and it's very dangerous.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I love it when it's hot. Do you know what I love most?
0:01:54 > 0:01:56The reaction of British men.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- YORKSHIRE ACCENT: - "I don't need sun cream.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01"Bring it on!"
0:02:01 > 0:02:06Four hours later - "Sandra, can you help me?!
0:02:06 > 0:02:12"Ah, ah, ah. I look like a pork scratching.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16"I think one of the lads has put something on me back."
0:02:20 > 0:02:22So, how did the BBC convey the heat?
0:02:22 > 0:02:26Did they show kids swimming? Sunbathers in the park?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28No, they showed this.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31But for most, the sunshine has been welcome.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34A lion licking a lolly?!
0:02:34 > 0:02:38I've watched many wildlife documentaries.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I have never once seen a lion with a Calippo.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"What's wrong with you?" "Ice-cream headache."
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Mind you, if they get a taste for lollies,
0:02:49 > 0:02:51it's going to change nature shows.
0:02:51 > 0:02:56- IMITATES DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: - Here we see the mighty lion, basking in the Serengeti sun.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59ICE-CREAM VAN CHIMES
0:03:04 > 0:03:07My favourite thing to do in the sun? Get down the beach.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Sometimes you see stuff that makes you go, "Damn."
0:03:10 > 0:03:15Sometimes you see stuff that makes you go, "No!"
0:03:18 > 0:03:23And sometimes you see things that make you go, "What?!"
0:03:40 > 0:03:42What else? Well, it was the Eurovision this week.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Britain's entrant was Engelbert Humperdinck.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46This guy had high hopes.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49He's my neighbour, he lives just up the lane from me.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I taught him all he knows. And he was fantastic!
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Come on, Enge! Come on! You're going to win!
0:03:55 > 0:03:59You're going to win, man! Come o-n-n-n-n-n!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03How did he get on?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Veteran crooner Engelbert Humperdinck came second from last.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Eh-eh!
0:04:08 > 0:04:12It's such a weird name, innit? Engelbert Humperdinck.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15It sounds like something Harry Potter shouts when he comes.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19"Sorry, Hermione, I've Humperdincked all over your broom."
0:04:21 > 0:04:24As ever with the Eurovision, there was some quality nutters.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Lithuania's song was called Love Is Blind.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32So, what did the singer put on his face so we could understand his complex lyrics?
0:04:32 > 0:04:36# Love is blind... #
0:04:36 > 0:04:39If he does that for Love Is Blind, it's a good job he wasn't singing Sex On Fire.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45"Argh! I've burnt my Humperdinck!"
0:04:50 > 0:04:55It gets weirder. Macedonia appeared to be obsessed with this lady.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Kay Burley.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59You think I'm joking? Listen to this.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03SOUNDS LIKE: # No, no, Kay Burley I love Kay Burley. #
0:05:04 > 0:05:10# No, no, Kay Burley I love Kay Burley-eeh... #
0:05:10 > 0:05:15# Chillax, Kay Burley I like Bill Turnbull! #
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- I am so old!- I know.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Jedward caused a stir by jumping in a fountain.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24# This is bound to go down as the big one. #
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Jedward.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28That water was powerful stuff. Look what it did to them.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- Whatever we do.- We always...
0:05:32 > 0:05:36My favourite contestants were definitely these ladies.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38One of the most popular acts of the evening
0:05:38 > 0:05:40were the group nicknamed "The Russian Grannies".
0:05:40 > 0:05:44They had a combined age of 484.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Between you and me, I think someone spiked their Horlicks.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51THEY SING IN RUSSIAN
0:06:02 > 0:06:04That came second!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07CHEERING
0:06:07 > 0:06:08It's amazing.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15They're not even singing, they're just making biscuits in a rave!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Mind you, the old lady in the middle is brilliant.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21She doesn't want to go on tour. Check out the reason why.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24TRANSLATION: If I'm away, who's going to milk the cow?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28In sporting news, it's getting closer.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31It's only 60 days to go until the Olympics.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34One of the big talking points is, of course, the opening ceremony.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35In Beijing, they had this...
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Wow!
0:06:45 > 0:06:46So what are we going to have?
0:06:46 > 0:06:51London's will involve schoolchildren, NHS nurses, some fake rain,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55a nod to British pop culture and a giant bell.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Yay.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Nurses, rain and a giant bell?!
0:07:03 > 0:07:07That's not an opening ceremony, that sounds like one of my brother's pornos.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I have said it before, I will say it again.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Here is what the opening ceremony should be,
0:07:14 > 0:07:16we simply pump this man full of acid and watch him!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18LAUGHTER
0:07:18 > 0:07:20CHEERING
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Look at him!
0:07:23 > 0:07:26That's an opening ceremony we would all watch, right, lamb?
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Yeah.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Amazing scenes at the Olympic Stadium,
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Boris Johnson is off his tits.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36He has just eaten the Olympic Bell.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38What is that he is saying?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Engelbert Humperdinck?
0:07:40 > 0:07:45Oh, no! It has gone everywhere, Boris!
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Whatever the opening ceremony is, I can't wait.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I've got tickets for the gymnastics.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53I'm not interested in pirouettes, I'm going for moments like this...
0:07:57 > 0:08:02Let's be honest, there is something truly magical about a cock-up.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Take your marks.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10But, if there are any athletes watching, remember,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14if you do make a mistake, it is all about the recovery.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Elsewhere, sad news about a TV legend.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38To explain the story, it's Kay Burley.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41The inventor of the zapper, the doofer, the turner-overer,
0:08:41 > 0:08:45or the television remote control, has died at the age of 96.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Apparently they will bury him down the back of the sofa!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I heard that the doctors tried to resuscitate him
0:08:59 > 0:09:04by taking his batteries out, blowing on them and putting them back in.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I should not take the piss, the guy is a legend.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Thanks to him I can switch off shit like this...
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Shut up!
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Fuck off!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14CHEERING
0:09:15 > 0:09:19What is strange about the TV remote, everyone has a different name for it.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21My mum has the weirdest, you know what she calls it?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24"The Dong".
0:09:24 > 0:09:29We are used to it, but when we have a guest, it is hilarious.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34You should have seen the look of fear in my mate's eyes
0:09:34 > 0:09:37when she said, "Here, Steve, give me the Dong."
0:09:41 > 0:09:45Mind you, should have seen the look of fear on her face when he did!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Next up, meet the world's oldest gamer. She's incredible.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53I am just 100 years old,
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I don't feel a day over 80.
0:09:56 > 0:10:03I try to keep my brain active by playing on my Nintendo.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08She's great, isn't she? Well done, give her a round of applause.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Amazing. It gets better, they cover the story in The Sun.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Check out the first post on the message board?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21How lovely is that? Wouldn't it be great if she said,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23"No thanks, love, I'm a Pro Evo girl."
0:10:24 > 0:10:26"Fifa is for dicks."
0:10:28 > 0:10:29She's great.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31The only person who can play Call Of Duty and say,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33"Oh, I remember that."
0:10:35 > 0:10:38"See that building, that's where I met your grandad.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41"He had a lovely Humperdinck."
0:10:46 > 0:10:47It makes you think, though.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49If pensioners can play computer games,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51we should design one just for them.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Eat shit and die!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Gran Theft Auto!
0:11:11 > 0:11:15From one badass to another. Check out this headline...
0:11:22 > 0:11:25"You picked the wrong Nissan Micra, shithead."
0:11:27 > 0:11:30"I'm so tough, Werther's chew ME."
0:11:32 > 0:11:36So many stories about grannies fighting crime,
0:11:36 > 0:11:39makes you think, maybe the police should employ them.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I ain't saying nothing.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Oh, really? Bring out the Enforcer.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I understand you won't confess.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Jog on, grandma!
0:11:52 > 0:11:56Who are you calling grandma?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I did it! I did it!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Nice work, Enforcer.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Fuck you!
0:12:11 > 0:12:16What else? Well, huge news for ladies!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18It's been the topic of both heart-felt
0:12:18 > 0:12:22and heated conversations, the so-called G-spot.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Dr Adam Ostrzenski, a Florida gynaecologist, claims it is real,
0:12:26 > 0:12:27and that he has found it.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34So someone else has found it too!
0:12:36 > 0:12:40The female G-spot, which promises orgasm upon orgasm,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42has been discovered by a doctor in Florida.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Basically, it is the orgasm equivalent of Pringles -
0:12:45 > 0:12:48once you pop, you cannot stop.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50But before you get excited, ladies...
0:12:51 > 0:12:53..look where he found it.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02What the fuck is wrong with that doctor?!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05She's dead, she's not a wrinkly sex doll!
0:13:05 > 0:13:09I mean, who looks for the G-spot on an 83-year-old woman?!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- I'm getting the gloves on! - I'm a bit alarmed.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Yeah!
0:13:18 > 0:13:22That woman's funeral will be fantastic!
0:13:24 > 0:13:25- SOBS:- I can't believe she's gone.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Nan?!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Over to Japan, and a bloke with a very strange hobby.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40In the suburbs of Tokyo, those who don't believe
0:13:40 > 0:13:42man evolved from apes, might find the proof that they need.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45His name is Kenichi Ito -
0:13:45 > 0:13:48a man so obsessed with monkeys, he has mastered their running style.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54He pretends to be a monkey.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Let's hope he doesn't drink like them.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05If any of you are thinking about learning to run like an ape,
0:14:05 > 0:14:08here is a tip, don't practise in the woods.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I went in the mountains for about a month
0:14:10 > 0:14:12on a kind of four-legged training camp
0:14:12 > 0:14:15but on the first day, a hunter mistook me for a wild boar
0:14:15 > 0:14:16and he tried to shoot me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19It's probably his dad.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21"Why can't you get a proper job?"
0:14:22 > 0:14:25"Your sister's a lawyer, you're pretending to be a gibbon!"
0:14:27 > 0:14:30It isn't just monkeys. Look what else this lunatic does.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32When he's not monkeying around,
0:14:32 > 0:14:36he practises the running style of other four-legged creatures.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42In fairness, we've all pretended to be a dog.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45No-o-o!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47No-o-o!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50APPLAUSE
0:14:53 > 0:14:54I don't know about you,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58but I'd say that's the best sketch I've ever done. Right, lamb?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Yeaaaah!
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Some great crime stories in the news.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Have you seen the way they're trying to protect shops in Nottingham?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12A number of stores have seen break-ins
0:15:12 > 0:15:15but intruders now have something new to fear.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19So, what are they using? Lasers? Armed guards?
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Oh, no.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23If someone were to break into this property here,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25then the fog would come out of it
0:15:25 > 0:15:28and it would fill the room with fog.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32A fucking fog machine!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Behold its mighty power!
0:15:34 > 0:15:37This is what intruders would face.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40"No!"
0:15:42 > 0:15:44"It's so misty!"
0:15:45 > 0:15:48"Quick, before they release the drizzle!"
0:15:50 > 0:15:53I tell you what, this is going to change police line-ups.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55- Just take your time.- OK.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57It was him! The one in the middle.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02From fog to filth.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06A policeman in America has been touching himself on the job.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09He was supposed to be supervising other officers in the field,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12but our 4 On Your Side team has obtained some video
0:16:12 > 0:16:16that shows the Santa Fe police sergeant sitting in his vehicle
0:16:16 > 0:16:20having a very graphic sexual conversation with himself.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Well, that is the poshest description of a wank ever.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27"What are you doing?"
0:16:27 > 0:16:30"Mother, please, I'm having a sexual conversation with myself.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32"Watch out, I'm about to punctuate.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36"Oh! Semicolon."
0:16:38 > 0:16:42It's just great, this story. This pervy policeman left his radio on,
0:16:42 > 0:16:47so all of the other coppers back at the station heard this...
0:16:47 > 0:16:53First you hear moans, then the unmistakable sound of a zipper.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Busted!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I bet they destroyed him.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01"All right, Dave? Heard you got your truncheon out." "Fuck off!"
0:17:01 > 0:17:05It gets worse. Apparently, he was watching porn on his phone
0:17:05 > 0:17:08and judging by this recording, he was clearly enjoying it.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Here is a sample of what he is saying.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I tell you what, the woman he was watching was livid.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Ain't nobody got time for that!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22She was livid!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Now, from one insane crime story to another.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33If you think you get a bit angry when you're driving,
0:17:33 > 0:17:36you have got NOTHING on this.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38It can be a real struggle to find parking in San Francisco,
0:17:38 > 0:17:43but police tonight say one driver BIT another over a particular spot.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45She bit a woman
0:17:45 > 0:17:48over a parking space.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Ain't nobody got time for that!
0:17:50 > 0:17:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:02 > 0:18:04LAUGHTER
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It gets better...
0:18:10 > 0:18:16This has to be the greatest reaction ever to being bitten.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18I don't know, why she would bite me?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21I wouldn't understand why anyone would bite anyone,
0:18:21 > 0:18:22unless you were hungry.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Now it's time for my special Mystery Guest. It's a treat.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34The production team have found me someone special to interview,
0:18:34 > 0:18:38and I have to find out who it is. So please welcome my Mystery Guest!
0:18:38 > 0:18:41MEXICAN MUSIC
0:18:45 > 0:18:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Are you that really cool cartoon mouse?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- No clues.- Oh, wow! How deep is YOUR voice from nowhere?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08And I'm not Mexican.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17But I have been to Mexico.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Well, clearly.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Um, OK. So, you've been to Mexico
0:19:23 > 0:19:25and it has Mexico '86.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28As a football fan, it suggests you're a footballer.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Are you a footballer?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I like to play safe, that's the clue.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36You like to play safe? Oh, my God! I know who you are.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37You're Peter Shilton.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39That's right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Pleased to meet you, how are you?
0:19:42 > 0:19:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I'll just try and get this thing off.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55- Am I right in saying you are the most capped England player? - Yes, the most capped England player.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- How many was it?- 125 caps.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00CHEERING
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Played in three World Cups
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- and I think we have a VT to show. - Let's have a look at you in action.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10MUSIC: "Jump Around" by House of Pain
0:20:30 > 0:20:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Thank you very much for coming on.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37A pleasure. Nice to be here.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Is it true that when you were young -
0:20:39 > 0:20:41this is because I'm a football nerd -
0:20:41 > 0:20:46- is it true you used to hang from the banisters to stretch your arms? - Unfortunately, it was true.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- Is that because you weren't tall enough to be...- That's right.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52As a youngster, very young, sort of the age of 10,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- I wanted to be a goalkeeper. I wasn't growing.- Yeah.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57So I tried to do as much as I could.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02One day, I hung from the banisters at home. My mother pulled on my ankles.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Unbelievable, cos what I assumed, I have an image of you hanging
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and your mum coming home and going, "Peter, what are you doing?"
0:21:08 > 0:21:11But I love the fact that your mum went, "Good idea,"
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- and started... - She always did what I told her.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Good job you weren't a porn star. Imagine if your mum caught you then.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20"Pull, pull."
0:21:20 > 0:21:23So, please, please, tell me we're going to do some penalties.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24We are doing some penalties,
0:21:24 > 0:21:28but it's going to be a bit different as I've injured my shoulder.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31So, I can't dive round at the moment.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32You're going to go in goal,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35and I've heard that you're a very good goalkeeper,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38because, obviously, we've got the name and the number one.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Let's do this.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44CHEERING
0:21:49 > 0:21:52First thing about goalkeeping is you've got to get your weight right.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54So, bend the knees, get the shoulders forward,
0:21:54 > 0:21:56get the hands together.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00That's it. Get the knees like that. That's it! Good. Head forward.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02That's it, yeah.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08If you've got a penalty to take, walk out to them like this,
0:22:08 > 0:22:11and you can look 'em in the eyes and say,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13- "What lovely eyes you've got."- OK.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Can it be any sexual turn-on, or does it have to be the eyes?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- It's entirely up to you, yeah.- Sweet.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Nice dick, mate! Let's do this!
0:22:25 > 0:22:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Oh-h!
0:22:32 > 0:22:33- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- You haven't said how good my eyes look.- Your eyes are beautiful.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- Thank you.- Your thighs are great!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- Oh!- Yay! CHEERING
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Quality. Thanks, man.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Now, you're not allowed to go in goal, are you? - I can't cos of my shoulder, no.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Can I bring on my friends to play?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57God, that made me sound like I was seven!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59But please, let me bring my friends out. They'll love his!
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Stevie, Carl, come out, my friends! My friends!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- CHEERING - My glorious friends!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Stevie, get in goal.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- Try and get in the middle if you can.- Spot-on!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15LAUGHTER
0:23:15 > 0:23:17It always helps!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19"Ain't nobody got time for that!"
0:23:21 > 0:23:23CHEERING
0:23:26 > 0:23:28CHEERING
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Now, let's play the game.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40Pete, we'll play the game we've been playing in the courtyard.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Right, come on, fellas. Carl, you're in.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Now, the aim - you've to hit someone's arse.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49APPLAUSE
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Oh-h-h! - CHEERING
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Cracker.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my Mystery Guest, Peter Shilton!
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- CHEERING - And my friend Steve Williams...
0:24:03 > 0:24:05and Carl!
0:24:12 > 0:24:16Have you seen the latest subject kids are being taught in school?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Hands flat like this.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Onto the person's back.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23'These Year Fours are learning a new subject.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26'It's their first-ever massage class.'
0:24:26 > 0:24:28LAUGHTER
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Eight-year-old kids are learning to MASSAGE!
0:24:31 > 0:24:35How weird is that? Apparently it calms them down.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38The last thing kids need is help falling asleep.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44What self-respecting eight-year-old boy is going to touch a girl?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47"You want me to what?
0:24:47 > 0:24:48"On a girl?!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50"That is s-o-o gay!"
0:24:51 > 0:24:54I'm off to the boys' toilets to see who can wee the highest!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00It wouldn't have calmed me down.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03If I touched a girl when I was eight, it would've freaked me out.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07"MUM! I touched Sarah, now my winkie's turned to stone!"
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- SHOUTS:- "Look at it!"
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Then again, maybe I'm wrong.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Maybe massage is a great idea.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I mean, some kids REALLY need to chill out.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
0:25:31 > 0:25:33That isn't the oddest education story.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Apparently, the key to revision is SLEEPING.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36According to research...
0:25:40 > 0:25:43If that's true, this lot haven't slept for weeks.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45These are all GENUINE exam answers.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50LAUGHTER
0:25:57 > 0:25:59This is my favourite. This is incredible.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- Wonderful. - APPLAUSE
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Here's the touching story about Dan Blake and the reason
0:26:12 > 0:26:14he's carrying the Olympic torch.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17'Dan and four-year-old Joshua
0:26:17 > 0:26:18'are paying close attention
0:26:18 > 0:26:21'to the progress of the Olympic torch.'
0:26:21 > 0:26:24And that's what Daddy's going to wear. That outfit.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- What that man's wearing.- Wow!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28THEY LAUGH
0:26:28 > 0:26:32'Dan is one of the 8,000 people who will carry the Olympic flame
0:26:32 > 0:26:35'because of his response to the cruellest thing which can happen
0:26:35 > 0:26:36'to a young family.'
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Hi, Daddy. Say, "Hi, Daddy."
0:26:39 > 0:26:43'Nicki Blake was just 33 when she died.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47'A misdiagnosed stomach pain after giving birth to Joshua
0:26:47 > 0:26:50'was actually pancreatic cancer.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53'By the time it was diagnosed, it was too late.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58'Dan has set up a charity called Nicki's Smile to help fund research.'
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Breast cancer, lung cancer,
0:27:01 > 0:27:03prostate, testicular -
0:27:03 > 0:27:07they've all had phenomenal improvements in survival rates
0:27:07 > 0:27:09over the last ten, 20 years.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13And that can be put down to one thing - investment in research.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17'In its first year, they've already raised a quarter of a million pounds,
0:27:17 > 0:27:20'which is why Dan has been nominated to carry the Olympic torch.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22'What do you think Nicki would make of it all?'
0:27:22 > 0:27:25'I mean, I think she'd be very proud.
0:27:25 > 0:27:29'The sole reason I'm carrying it is for her.'
0:27:29 > 0:27:32It being a flame, being a light, you know, an eternal light for her.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I think she'd be very proud.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- Pretty awesome, eh? - CHEERING
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Now, it's time for my stand-up guest.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46We've got something very special. This lady is EXCELLENT.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48She's performed all over the world, she's very funny.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Please welcome to the stage, the brilliant Nina Conti-i-i!
0:27:52 > 0:27:53CHEERING
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Hello! Thank you!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:28:00 > 0:28:04I've brought my granny with me in this bag.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09And she's very much based on my own granny who lived in Edinburgh.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10I'll just get her out the bag.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14- Gran, you ready? - (GRANNY VOICE) Yes, dear.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18- OK, when you're ready, come on out. - Oh! Oh, that's lovely!
0:28:18 > 0:28:19Fresh air!
0:28:19 > 0:28:21OK, good. Let's get your arm out.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23- Ooh, I've got an arm?- Yes.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Terrific stuff! Look at that!
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Happy days!
0:28:27 > 0:28:29And the other arm. Here's your other arm.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Oh, Nina, the elbow bends the other way, dear!
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Sorry about that.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37And I've got a finger that points. Look at that.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40- What am I pointing at? - I don't know.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42The shoes of a whore.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45OK, let's get your... Granny!
0:28:45 > 0:28:46- Get your legs.- Right.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48Oh, is that the left or the right?
0:28:48 > 0:28:50I'm not actually sure.
0:28:50 > 0:28:51Oh, the anticipation!
0:28:51 > 0:28:53LAUGHTER
0:28:53 > 0:28:55There! It was the right!
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- Oh, and they were crossed.- Well, no.
0:28:58 > 0:28:59Just let this bag fall.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- Right you are, dear. - Just let that go.
0:29:01 > 0:29:06- Yes, as you like it.- Don't feel you have to hang on, it's going.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09- Oh, that's a terrible feeling. - What is?
0:29:09 > 0:29:12When something falls out your backside.
0:29:12 > 0:29:14LAUGHTER
0:29:14 > 0:29:16- So are you well? - Yes, yes, I'm very well.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Can you clear the frog in my throat?
0:29:18 > 0:29:21- NINA COUGHS - Thank you very much.
0:29:21 > 0:29:23So how was your flight over?
0:29:23 > 0:29:25- Oh, it was deadly.- Really?
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Oh, talk about cramped! But it was cheap.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30Right. What was it, a budget airline?
0:29:30 > 0:29:32- No, I got the DHL.- Oh, right.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36You should have seen the look on the woman's face at the post office,
0:29:36 > 0:29:39as she thrust me into the package, you know?
0:29:39 > 0:29:42- Bent double, head down.- Right.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45It was not an envelope she wanted to lick shut.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47No, that's awful. But you got here.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49I'm very happy, yes.
0:29:49 > 0:29:50So who have we got here?
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Well, this is the audience.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55- Oh, look at them! Russell Howard's little fans!- Yes!
0:29:55 > 0:30:00And what about you, sir? In the T-shirt, there. What do you like?
0:30:00 > 0:30:03"I like..." what? Under your folded arms, what does that say?
0:30:03 > 0:30:05I like the way you move.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09Oh, you like... It says that he likes the way you move.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Oh! Thank you very much!
0:30:11 > 0:30:13LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING
0:30:13 > 0:30:16Thank you very much! What's your name, dear?
0:30:16 > 0:30:18- Lee.- Lee, what do you do, dear?
0:30:18 > 0:30:20I've just graduated drama school.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22You've graduated drama school? Congratulations!
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Congratulations to Lee!
0:30:24 > 0:30:27What a hopeless profession you've decided to join!
0:30:27 > 0:30:30Could you join me on the stage for a second, Lee?
0:30:30 > 0:30:32Can we give it up for Lee, please?
0:30:32 > 0:30:35APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Thank you so much. Thank you.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39Oh, look at you there! You're so handsome, dear.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41You remind me of my late husband.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43Why's that, Gran?
0:30:43 > 0:30:46Cos you've got the same look of well-meaning reluctance
0:30:46 > 0:30:50that he had on his face for much of our marriage.
0:30:50 > 0:30:55And if it's OK, Lee, I'd like to channel my late husband through you.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57- Yes.- Is that all right, Lee?
0:30:57 > 0:31:00- Let's do it.- Let's do it, he says.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02- "I like the way you move." - OK, so, what are you going to do?
0:31:02 > 0:31:06How do we get...Frank, was his name?
0:31:06 > 0:31:08- Frank was his name. - Just tell us a little bit about him.
0:31:08 > 0:31:11- Well, Frank was a comedian. - Right, and what did he do?
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Jokes, dear, jokes.
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- Lots of very topical jokes all about the war.- Right.
0:31:16 > 0:31:20- And then, sadly, the war ended.- OK.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25Now, we're going to get Frank here
0:31:25 > 0:31:28and we're going to put Frank into Lee?
0:31:28 > 0:31:30That's the idea. Let's see how it goes. Frank?
0:31:30 > 0:31:32Frank?
0:31:32 > 0:31:35I'd like you to enter this gentleman here.
0:31:37 > 0:31:40In any manner that you see fit.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44On the count of three.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46One... Two... Three...
0:31:46 > 0:31:47Pshhhhww!
0:31:47 > 0:31:50- Wow!- Now that was fantastic!
0:31:52 > 0:31:55I never saw Frank moving like that in my married life!
0:31:55 > 0:31:58OK, so, do you think he's there? Did you feel something?
0:31:58 > 0:32:00- Yeah!- You did?
0:32:00 > 0:32:01Oh, this is looking up!
0:32:01 > 0:32:04He slips in like a thief in the night, does he not?
0:32:04 > 0:32:08- He does.- So how do you know? I mean, I'm not sure I believe it.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Well, I'm going to ask a couple of questions
0:32:11 > 0:32:13that only Frank knows the answer to,
0:32:13 > 0:32:15to verify that he's in you.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18OK, go on then. Ask the questions.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20I will, dear. If you'll let me.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23Now, what is my maiden name?
0:32:23 > 0:32:25James.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27James, it is indeed!
0:32:28 > 0:32:32Unusual to have a first name as a surname.
0:32:32 > 0:32:33Not that unusual.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37And James is quite a common name, so I'll ask another question,
0:32:37 > 0:32:38if you don't mind.
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- You've got a tattoo, haven't you, Frank?- Yes, I do.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43What's your tattoo of, dear?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46It's an archery... It's a bow and arrow and an archery board.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49It's a bow and arrow and an archery board.
0:32:49 > 0:32:50Indeed it was!
0:32:50 > 0:32:54He had that on his arse!
0:32:55 > 0:32:58I was always tempted to throw a wee dart at it!
0:32:58 > 0:33:02I'm very glad to know you're here, Frank.
0:33:02 > 0:33:06So could you tell us, where did you put the key to the spare room, dear?
0:33:06 > 0:33:10- The key to the spare room? Under the flowerpots.- Oh, that's good.
0:33:10 > 0:33:13It may be too late. I haven't seen the dog for months.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- LAUGHTER - That's awful!
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- Can you get the blindfold, Nina?- OK.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22The blindfold's in the bag. Is that all right?
0:33:22 > 0:33:24Oh, just wish me luck when she bends down.
0:33:24 > 0:33:25Oh!
0:33:29 > 0:33:30You OK there, Gran?
0:33:30 > 0:33:33I got to know myself very well, dear.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41- You got it?- I've got it. It was a successful trip!
0:33:41 > 0:33:44So here is the blindfold. Tell everybody what you want to do.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48- Well, Nina's going to put the blindfold on me.- Right.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51And then you're going to hold up a certain amount of fingers.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57And I shall tell you all how many fingers he's holding up.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Very good, Gran. OK, I've got it.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01All right. So can you see?
0:34:01 > 0:34:02Yes, I can still see.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05OK, down there like that. Is that good?
0:34:05 > 0:34:08Oh, that's dark as death itself!
0:34:08 > 0:34:11A wee taste of what's to come soon.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13OK. You all right?
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Yes, very well, dear.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19OK, now, Lee, can you hold up any amount of fingers
0:34:19 > 0:34:22between one and ten so the whole audience can see, please?
0:34:22 > 0:34:25OK, he's going to do it now. He's doing it now.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27- He's doing it now.- OK?
0:34:27 > 0:34:30How many fingers is he holding up?
0:34:30 > 0:34:34- He held up four fingers and a thumb! - He did! Very well...
0:34:34 > 0:34:37- Thank you very much! - Well done, Gran!
0:34:37 > 0:34:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:43 > 0:34:45OK, dear. Why don't you try?
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Cos I'm not telepathic.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49I'll help you out, dear. I'm a clairvoyant.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54I've got a horrible feeling that once I put this on,
0:34:54 > 0:34:56you might not be any more.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- Just hurry up, dear. You might be losing them.- OK!
0:34:59 > 0:35:03Now, Lee, over on the stage over there, there's a notepad
0:35:03 > 0:35:07- and a pen, or a piece of paper. Can you see that, dear?- Yes, I can.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Can you go and get that, dear?
0:35:10 > 0:35:11Is he going to get it?
0:35:11 > 0:35:13I've no idea.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18I'm not even sure he's still on stage with us.
0:35:18 > 0:35:19Lee, are you here?
0:35:19 > 0:35:21- Yes, I am.- He's there. Good.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25OK, verbal communication is reassuring to us at this point.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27So what do you want him to do?
0:35:27 > 0:35:29I'd like him to write a word.
0:35:29 > 0:35:32Lee, can you write a word on that note card?
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Any word from your mind.
0:35:34 > 0:35:36Does it have to be funny?
0:35:36 > 0:35:39No, dear. Just spell it right and write it large.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42- Is he doing it?- I've no idea.
0:35:42 > 0:35:45Can you show the word to everyone in the room?
0:35:48 > 0:35:51- Gran, I hope you saw it.- Um...well,
0:35:51 > 0:35:53just tell us what it said, dear.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56Oh, God! I've got no idea.
0:35:56 > 0:35:57Granny?
0:35:57 > 0:36:01No, not judging from the muted response.
0:36:01 > 0:36:02Um...
0:36:02 > 0:36:05- Tattoo?- No. No.
0:36:05 > 0:36:09I don't think he's got that kind of knowledge or structure, dear.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12Really, I don't know.
0:36:12 > 0:36:15Just go through all the words you know, dear.
0:36:15 > 0:36:19- We'll get it by a process of elimination.- Oh, I don't know, Gran.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22- I have no idea.- Ach, I'll tell you.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- It's something that you row, row, row your...- Boat?!- Yes.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27- Yes, that's it, dear.- Was that it?
0:36:27 > 0:36:29That was it.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Round of applause! Thank you!
0:36:31 > 0:36:36Oh, thank you for the clue. Thank you very much, Lee.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Lee, you have been an absolute joy and a pleasure,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42and it's time for you to sit down.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44You can take that with you as a wee memento.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- Thank you so much, Lee. - Let's give it up for Lee.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:49 > 0:36:53OK, Gran, so...it's time for you to get back in the bag.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56- Oh, really? OK. Just bundle me in. - OK.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Don't stand on ceremony.
0:36:58 > 0:37:04- I don't want to be a burden to you. - You wouldn't be.
0:37:04 > 0:37:09You can just take me to that nice place in Switzerland any time, dear.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12I'm not going to do that! My God!
0:37:12 > 0:37:13So whenever you're ready, Gran.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15- Right you are, dear.- OK.
0:37:15 > 0:37:16Warm enough?
0:37:16 > 0:37:18- Warm as toast.- OK.
0:37:18 > 0:37:23Happy days. I'm a little worried I'm going to catch my nose on the zip.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Can you fold your nose?
0:37:25 > 0:37:27- Fold my nose?!- Can you fold it?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Indeed I can. Thank you.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33That was Granny! Thank you very much.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35Thank you.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37APPLAUSE
0:37:38 > 0:37:40Thank you.
0:37:40 > 0:37:45Now, I'm always sort of hunting for the prefect puppet
0:37:45 > 0:37:46and I need another volunteer,
0:37:46 > 0:37:50and I wonder if I could... if I can borrow you on the end.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52- What's your name?- It's Luke.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Luke?
0:37:53 > 0:37:54- Luke, yeah.- What do you do, Luke?
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- I'm a student. - You're a student? Excellent.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00Can we give it up for Luke, please? Come on up.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:38:02 > 0:38:05Now, could you stand on that side of me?
0:38:05 > 0:38:09So, Luke, I'm just going to give you a slight makeover
0:38:09 > 0:38:10with this mask here.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12Take your glasses off. Thank you.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14- Can you see?- Yeah.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Now, this is just a simple mask
0:38:19 > 0:38:22that's going to take the heat off you. Are you all right?
0:38:29 > 0:38:31All right. Are you comfortable?
0:38:31 > 0:38:33- Oh, yes, I'm loving it.- OK.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:38:37 > 0:38:40- Ha-ha! This is classic!- OK.
0:38:40 > 0:38:43I wasn't expecting this!
0:38:43 > 0:38:47- So, um, Luke...- Yes, yes.
0:38:47 > 0:38:52- Are you happy to be here? You're OK? - Yes, I'm delighted with the way things are going so far.
0:38:52 > 0:38:53OK, good.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57- Yes. In fact, I'm really glad you got me up here.- Why's that, Luke?
0:38:57 > 0:39:00Because I'd like to show you all my dance moves.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03CHEERING
0:39:05 > 0:39:08- Are you sure?- Yes.
0:39:08 > 0:39:13All my life, I've been waiting for an opportunity like this.
0:39:13 > 0:39:17I think the world is ready to see my dancing.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Are you sure? Are you sure you want to dance?
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Yes, I'm absolutely sure.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Cos you can sit down any time you want.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27I'm not sitting down!
0:39:27 > 0:39:30- Not till I've done my dancing.- OK.
0:39:30 > 0:39:34Because your...your body language suggests
0:39:34 > 0:39:36that you might not want to dance.
0:39:36 > 0:39:39No, I really can't wait!
0:39:41 > 0:39:43I'm fantastically excited.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48I just put my hands in my pockets to conserve energy...
0:39:50 > 0:39:53..for when the moves start to come thrusting out of me.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Are you sure? Cos you have free speech.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57You exercise your right to free speech.
0:39:57 > 0:40:02- No, absolutely no need for that. I'm very happy to dance.- OK.
0:40:02 > 0:40:04Well, whenever you're... I'm so sorry.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Don't be sorry. I'm loving it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:19They want you to, they want you to, but if you don't feel like it, you don't have to.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22- No, I think some music might help. - OK. Well, we can give you music.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Hit the music! MUSIC STARTS
0:40:25 > 0:40:27- Is that good? - Yes, that's excellent.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30It's not too weird?
0:40:30 > 0:40:35- No, gypsy is my favourite genre. - OK. Well, as long as you're sure.
0:40:35 > 0:40:39- Yes, it's my favourite song. - OK. Whenever you're ready.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42I'm just waiting for the chorus.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44- I'm not sure there is one.- Oh, OK.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46- It's this bit.- All right.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49No, not this bit. It's the next bit.
0:40:49 > 0:40:52- Listen, you can sit down. - I'm NOT sitting down!
0:40:54 > 0:40:58- I feel cruel!- No, I love you, Nina! Carry on as long as you like.
0:40:58 > 0:41:03- All right, fine.- Yes, I'm going to show you all my left-hand waving.
0:41:03 > 0:41:07- Your left hand? Yes, that would do. - That's a start. There you go.
0:41:09 > 0:41:13- That's good. They like it. - You want to see the other hand?
0:41:13 > 0:41:16- Yeah, they want to see the other hand.- Yeah, here's the other hand.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20- That's lovely!- Thank you! Thank you very much.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23- So, that's your dancing? - Yes. It's minimalist.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- It's good!- It's coming... Oh, yeah!
0:41:25 > 0:41:26I love it!
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Check it out!
0:41:29 > 0:41:32Check it out, check it out! They love it!
0:41:32 > 0:41:34- That's brilliant.- Thank you.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- I'm enjoying myself now. - That was wonderful.
0:41:37 > 0:41:39I feel liberated!
0:41:41 > 0:41:45- Oh, the inner joy came out of me in the end.- Thank you so much.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47You were brilliant.
0:41:47 > 0:41:48- What's your name again?- Luke.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Luke? Give it up for Luke! Amazing!
0:41:51 > 0:41:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:55 > 0:41:57And thank you.
0:41:57 > 0:42:01Thank you very much for having me. I've been Nina Conti. Good night.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:06 > 0:42:08Ladies and gentlemen, Nina Conti!
0:42:13 > 0:42:18Thank you very much for watching Good News. Good night, my friends!
0:42:18 > 0:42:20Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
0:42:20 > 0:42:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE