0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:22 > 0:00:25APPLAUSE
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Hello!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Welcome to the new series of Good News.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33So, what's been happening?
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Don't you just love it when somebody realises they're live on the news?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Good morning, John and Randy.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44I can tell you I just learned that about 35 people from the...
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Over to Sky, see if you can spot the moment this man
0:00:47 > 0:00:48had his balls pinched.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Good to talk to you. Thank you for joining us.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52- HIGH VOICE:- Thank you.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Did anyone else see that Bond villain on Question Time?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04We should also take...
0:01:06 > 0:01:10And finally, check out this genius.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11You know, I love the tuba.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16It's one of my favourite instruments. Listen to this.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17TUBA BLOWS
0:01:17 > 0:01:18STATIC CRACKLES
0:01:21 > 0:01:25He dropped the microphone down the tuba.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39LAUGHTER
0:01:40 > 0:01:41What a brass hole.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55So, where do we begin? Well, where else?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59Last week, Boris Johnson was in Japan representing our nation.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02So, how did that go?
0:02:02 > 0:02:07Boris Johnson has knocked over a child during a game of street rugby.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16He twatted a kid.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Now, the footage is good but the pictures are even better.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23If you look closely, I think he planned it all along.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Look at those eyes!
0:02:26 > 0:02:29He's picked out his target.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Then he turned into a possessed Humpty Dumpty.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Then he became an orang-utan.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41And finally he smashed the kid.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Look at that. That poor kid is like a fly hanging onto a hippo.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Did you see Boris apologise? Oh, my God.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Classic Johnson.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57He got up again, very swiftly. He bounced.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01In the words of Chumbawamba, you get knocked down, you get up again.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06Only Boris would apologise using a song.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Imagine if he becomes prime minister.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11What do you think about the obesity crisis, Boris?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13"Well, I like big butts and I cannot lie."
0:03:15 > 0:03:17So, what else is going on?
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Well, it's a fascinating time, politically, in this country.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21For starters, we have a new Lib Dem
0:03:21 > 0:03:24leader who is brimming with confidence.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26We're still rubbish.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31David Cameron finally revealed how he felt about pig sex.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34There was a moment I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42And Jeremy Corbyn is the new leader of the Labour Party.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47Here's a question, my friends, is it me or is his shadow out of control?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50I'm accused of being a 1980s throwback.
0:03:50 > 0:03:55I was in this hall in 1984, standing alongside the miners.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57It was so lovely - there was a voice over there that went,
0:03:57 > 0:04:00"No, that was the sign language bit."
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Isn't it...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06He's an intriguing figure, Jeremy Corbyn.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Massively popular with young people. I wonder why?
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Is it because of his policies on Trident or tuition fees?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Well, not according to Sky News.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15The reason young people are flocking to him
0:04:15 > 0:04:17is he doesn't wear a suit and he's got a beard.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Thanks, Sky. How patronising is that?
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Like young people at home go, "I vote Jeremy cos he's got a beard-beard
0:04:26 > 0:04:28"and he smells like jumpers."
0:04:31 > 0:04:32The papers were even worse.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36They tried to attack Corbyn with the most surreal smear campaign ever.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Look at this.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46The Sun made it sound like he's got a roadwork fetish.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51And the Telegraph printed a photo of him
0:04:51 > 0:04:53looking like an ejaculating ostrich.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Don't ask me how I know what that looks like.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Poor Jeremy was so upset by the media intrusion,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06at one point he turned into a turkey.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09How parties are elected is a matter for the public in the end...
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- But you... - Hang on, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:05:12 > 0:05:13RUSSELL IMITATES A TURKEY
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Now, I feel a bit sorry for Corbyn.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Instead of listening to what he's saying, the media are obsessed
0:05:21 > 0:05:22with his clothes.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24He does sometimes wear socks and sandals.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Is it true someone lent you that tie?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Some people were saying he was dressed
0:05:28 > 0:05:30a bit like Mr Bean on stage today.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33He's scruffy. He doesn't wear a tie. Come on!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Cameron appeared on the Travelodge advert with his tits out.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39# ..This place has it all. #
0:05:44 > 0:05:49Ha-ha! If it isn't his clothes, it's his relationship with the Queen.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52His refusal to sing the national anthem at a Battle of Britain
0:05:52 > 0:05:56memorial service upset even some within his own shadow cabinet.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Does anyone really care that he doesn't sing the national anthem?
0:05:59 > 0:06:00It's a really silly song.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01# God save the Queen. #
0:06:01 > 0:06:05We're asking an imaginary man to protect a rich old lady.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11It's like asking Harry Potter to look after Deborah Meaden.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I think he should sing an anthem about things that matter to him.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Wouldn't that be great?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18# God save our NHS
0:06:18 > 0:06:21# It really is the best
0:06:21 > 0:06:24# Don't let it fail
0:06:24 > 0:06:27# We do not need a Queen
0:06:27 > 0:06:29# Or nuclear submarines
0:06:29 > 0:06:34# I just want to eat baked beans
0:06:34 > 0:06:36# With my sweet cat. #
0:06:36 > 0:06:38APPLAUSE
0:06:41 > 0:06:45It would be all right.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Whatever you think about Corbyn, one thing's for sure,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49he's clearly got the Tories rattled.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52I mean, did you see Cameron at the conference? He lost it.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54My friends, we cannot let that man
0:06:54 > 0:06:58inflict his security-threatening, terrorist-sympathising,
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Britain-hating ideology on this country we love.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Whoa!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Steady, Travelodge tits.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Mind you, Corbyn's shadow wasn't that fussed.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12We cannot let that man inflict his
0:07:12 > 0:07:15security-threatening, terrorist-sympathising,
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Britain-hating ideology on this country we love.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22From politics to a story that has threatened the very
0:07:22 > 0:07:24fabric of this nation.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26England has become the last part of the UK to introduce
0:07:26 > 0:07:29a mandatory charge for the use of plastic bags.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32The charges are complicated and likely to anger shoppers.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Supermarkets are braced for chaos.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Even with the best will in the world.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43Plastic bag chaos!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48How did people react? Some were pro...
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I think it's good. I've already cut back myself.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55..others didn't really know how plastic bags worked.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57This one can be like a thank you.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00You give support to us, we give our thanks.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Mind you, putting a bag on your head is nothing.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Have you seen what some people did?
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Only in this country. "I've saved 5p by nicking a trolley.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23"A trolley that cost a pound."
0:08:27 > 0:08:29"Shit!"
0:08:29 > 0:08:31But it wasn't just people overreacting.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Check out the Daily Mail's cunning way to defeat this evil scheme.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44This man wins my award for best response to that article.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55I mean... LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Who knew that phrase existed?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Elsewhere this week, huge, ground-breaking news.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Life in this country is about to change.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Are you ready? Here we go.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18It's been a tradition for toddlers and grandparents for years,
0:09:18 > 0:09:22but now we're being told to stop throwing bread to ducks.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24We need to stop giving ducks Hovis.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Only in this country. Did you see why bread is so evil?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31According to the Canal and River Trust, feeding ducks bread
0:09:31 > 0:09:34actually does them more harm than good.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37It's the equivalent of their junk food.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Bread...
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Bread is their junk food - as if they care?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45They're ducks, they're not body conscious.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48I've never seen a duck get out of the water like this.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51"No, look away.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55"Hey, move your eyes away, Barry.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58"Stop looking at me.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59"I'm not pond body ready, come on!"
0:10:02 > 0:10:06The other ducks are like that, "Jesus, look at Barbara!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08"It's a miracle she can float!"
0:10:11 > 0:10:15"You know what they say - if you've had some cake, stay off the lake."
0:10:19 > 0:10:21"She's so fat, she lays Easter eggs. Ohh!"
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Now, this is... APPLAUSE
0:10:28 > 0:10:30This is the strangest bit about this story -
0:10:30 > 0:10:32have you seen what we're meant to be feeding them?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Instead, they should be given healthier snacks
0:10:35 > 0:10:38like peas, grapes and oats.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Grapes?!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Yeah, that's natural for a duck, innit?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44You always see them in vineyards.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45HE QUACKS
0:10:45 > 0:10:47"I'm getting...
0:10:47 > 0:10:49"I'm getting...
0:10:49 > 0:10:51"Nothing. I'm a fucking duck."
0:10:52 > 0:10:56So, are the British public going to change their duck-feeding ways?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Well, I think this lady puts it best.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Will you be bringing peas and sweetcorn and mashed potato, then?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03No.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05"Will I bollocks.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08"I'll be giving them bread dressed in a bread suit
0:11:08 > 0:11:09"and if anyone comes near me,
0:11:09 > 0:11:12"I'm going to shoot them with a bread gun.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15"Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to steal a shopping trolley."
0:11:16 > 0:11:20Not that it is the maddest bread story on the news -
0:11:20 > 0:11:22and you don't get to say that often.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25This is absolutely insane, right?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Have a look how a priest in America
0:11:28 > 0:11:30tried to explain gay sex to some children.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Now...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Now...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46..I'm no expert...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48but I think he's doing it wrong.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51It's ridiculous!
0:11:51 > 0:11:55You don't have to spit on a bagel to get it in your ear.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:12:03 > 0:12:06There was a lovely slow burn on that joke...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08which is exactly what you get if you don't spit.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Now... LAUGHTER
0:12:09 > 0:12:11What? What?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12What? What?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Now...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16It is silly, though, innit?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18If you put bagels in your ears, it doesn't make you gay.
0:12:18 > 0:12:23It just makes you look like a really weird Princess Leia, just...
0:12:23 > 0:12:24"Darth Vader's my dad!"
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Not that I'm against all Catholics, right?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Now, you're not going to believe this,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32but I've actually got a world exclusive...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'm going to interview the Pope!
0:12:34 > 0:12:39And I'm told... I'm told we're going to go through to him live now.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Hello, Holy Father?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Such an honour to speak with you.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47So, America - how was your trip?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49- What did you learn most about... - May I ask,
0:12:49 > 0:12:53of you to sing a song for me?
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I... I can do... Um...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58What song do you want me to sing?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Valerie.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03You want me to sing Valerie?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05OK...
0:13:05 > 0:13:09# Well, sometimes I go out by myself
0:13:09 > 0:13:12# And I look across the water... #
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Go on, go on!
0:13:14 > 0:13:15OK.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18# ..And I think of all the things that you're doing
0:13:18 > 0:13:21# And in my head I paint a picture
0:13:21 > 0:13:24# Won't you come on over?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27# Stop making a fool out of me
0:13:27 > 0:13:29# Why won't you come on over...? #
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Valerie.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Waheyyy! That was amazing!
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Did you like that?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Muchas gracias, Alexandra.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39It's Russell. Can...
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Can you get a translator? I can't really understand what you're saying.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- TRANSLATOR:- 'I'll tell you one thing,
0:13:45 > 0:13:46'You're a brave woman.'
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Well, since we're having a laugh, did you read about this?
0:13:53 > 0:13:57Ohhh! Ohh, yeah!
0:13:59 > 0:14:01No, it was a joke about...
0:14:01 > 0:14:03The priest said it was about anal sex.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I wasn't...
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Where's he gone? He's gone... What...?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09HE SIGHS
0:14:09 > 0:14:10APPLAUSE
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Now, the big health news
0:14:14 > 0:14:17was the junior doctors marching in Westminster.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Junior doctors came in their thousands,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21furious over threats by the government
0:14:21 > 0:14:23to impose a new contract.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Save our NHS! Save our NHS!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28They fear that their pay will be cut
0:14:28 > 0:14:32and they'll be forced to work longer hours, putting patients at risk.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34I'm not surprised junior doctors are pissed off -
0:14:34 > 0:14:36they're amazing, selfless human beings
0:14:36 > 0:14:38that work ridiculous hours, saving lives
0:14:38 > 0:14:40and what do they get for their trouble?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Less than 23 grand -
0:14:42 > 0:14:45and what pisses me off even more, earlier this year...
0:14:45 > 0:14:50MPs got a 10% pay rise to 74 grand!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Why are they being rewarded?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Especially when our bell-end of a health secretary
0:14:55 > 0:14:56says stuff like this...
0:14:59 > 0:15:01They already do!
0:15:01 > 0:15:04No-one has ever gone to A&E on a Sunday,
0:15:04 > 0:15:07"Oh, I'm having a heart attack!"
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Some caretaker, "Er, can you come back Monday?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13"They've all gone paintballing."
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I tell you what else pisses me off - the papers,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20their shrieking headlines constantly demonising the NHS.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22"Doctors earn 100 grand a year!"
0:15:22 > 0:15:24"A nurse ate my baby!"
0:15:24 > 0:15:27"Surgeons replaced my feet with coconuts
0:15:27 > 0:15:29"and now I sound like a horse!"
0:15:29 > 0:15:31The NHS...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33The NHS is an amazing thing.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36You never read about the good things it does -
0:15:36 > 0:15:38liver transplant, free. Heart bypass, free.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Nothing's free in this country!
0:15:40 > 0:15:43It costs you 20p if you want to have a shit in a train station!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47The NHS is wonderful! I mean, who else...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50CROWD CHEERS
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Who else...
0:15:56 > 0:16:00Who else but the NHS would provide this service?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07For free!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09For free!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Not only are they saving lives,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17they're also helping out a woman who decided to play Jurassic Pork.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23And what makes Jeremy Hunt's comments even more galling
0:16:23 > 0:16:24is stories like this...
0:16:33 > 0:16:35If I was a doctor, I'd have some fun.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I'd give them VIP services - comfy sofa, bit of anaesthetic -
0:16:38 > 0:16:40get them all blissed out before their operation
0:16:40 > 0:16:43and then, just as they're dozing off,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I'd dress up as Harold Shipman.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49"Nobody will hear your screams!"
0:16:50 > 0:16:53"Oi, Dave, pass me that dinosaur."
0:16:55 > 0:16:58"You're going home, mega-sore-arse."
0:16:58 > 0:17:00HE SINGS JURASSIC PARK THEME
0:17:12 > 0:17:15What I'm trying to say is, junior doctors need our help.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Jeremy Hunt is asking them to work longer hours for less money,
0:17:18 > 0:17:19and it doesn't take a genius to work out
0:17:19 > 0:17:22that tired doctors are going to make mistakes.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24You can't gamble with people's lives.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26If Hunt has his way, he's going to turn
0:17:26 > 0:17:28the National Health Service into the National Lottery -
0:17:28 > 0:17:30and if the Tories keep making cuts,
0:17:30 > 0:17:33pretty soon all our hospitals will look like this...
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Doctor?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Hello.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I'm here for my anaesthetic.
0:17:38 > 0:17:39I'm afraid this is it.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Now, my guest tonight is a woman with an incredible story,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56who is nothing short of an inspiration.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59"You have cancer."
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Three words that changed my world forever.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06I was 23 and after a late diagnosis,
0:18:06 > 0:18:10I stared a hairless and boobless life in the face.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I've worked tirelessly for five years
0:18:12 > 0:18:14trying to save the lives of others.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18I can't be cured, but I need to keep working to make sure others can.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28I know the drugs can stop working at any time.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Until then, I've got a lot of living to do.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Kris Hallenga!
0:18:36 > 0:18:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Hello, how are you, Kris?- Hello.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Thank you very much for coming on the show.- Thanks for having me!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Pleasure.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- You're a Boob Champ. - Thank you very much.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47A Boob... What's that, Boob Champ?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Does this give me, sort of, special license to, er...?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51It's better than a Blue Peter badge,
0:18:51 > 0:18:53but it won't get you free entry into everything.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Does it allow me to, sort of, do things to boobs?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Only with permission.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Only with permission. That's fine, that's fine.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Excellent answer, but I would expect nothing less than...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Woman of the Year! Did you know that?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Kris was recently voted Woman of the Year.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09CHEERING
0:19:09 > 0:19:10- Pretty exciting.- Yeah.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Do you find yourself looking at these ladies thinking,
0:19:13 > 0:19:14"You're not as good as me"?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Definitely not. If anything,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19I feel really awkward about the whole thing.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21You're possibly the most selfless lady I've ever...
0:19:21 > 0:19:22I saw your documentary.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I don't know if you've seen Kris' documentary - it's unbelievable -
0:19:25 > 0:19:27but the moment that you were diagnosed,
0:19:27 > 0:19:28which is just heartbreaking,
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- the biggest worry for you was telling your twin sister.- Yes.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's just unbelievable.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Which you wouldn't understand unless you have a twin.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- I know that your brother and sister are twins, aren't they?- They are.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39So, they'd probably understand,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42but it's like no other relationship that you have...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- Yeah.- ..and...yeah, breaking it to her was the hardest.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Most people, in that situation, would think about themselves -
0:19:48 > 0:19:50you know, completely understandably -
0:19:50 > 0:19:54but the fact that you put her before you is kind of beautiful.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55- Thanks!- It is - no, but it is.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- I was watching it, I was crying my eyes out...- I...
0:19:58 > 0:20:01..I'm, sort of, sat there, thinking, "I've got to meet this lady
0:20:01 > 0:20:02"and she's ridiculously selfless.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05"I don't know how I'm going to be funny around her."
0:20:05 > 0:20:08If anything, it's great to talk about cancer in a comedy environment.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12It's refreshing. I mean, I get to talk about boobs all the time
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- and it's great...- Well, so do I!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- So, it's great. - I noticed you've got...
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- A glittery turd.- A glittery turd. What's that?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24It's an award that my twin sister gave me.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28It's a special recognition award, Ultimate Turd Glittering.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Let me have a look at that, it's really sweet.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35- Special recognition...- She polished that herself and everything.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- So, I... - LAUGHTER
0:20:38 > 0:20:41It's worryingly warm, that's what I'd say.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43She laid one out just before.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47We really like the saying,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50"You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter."
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Because I would never deny that having cancer
0:20:53 > 0:20:55is absolutely rubbish, but we get to do
0:20:55 > 0:20:57some really cool stuff because of it.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00That's the amazing thing, because, basically, were you nine months
0:21:00 > 0:21:03into your diagnosis when you thought you'd start a charity?
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- One month actually.- One month? - Yes.- That's incredible.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Yes, it's just after I started chemotherapy
0:21:11 > 0:21:12and I was thinking long and hard
0:21:12 > 0:21:15about why no-one ever told me to check my boobs
0:21:15 > 0:21:18and why I never had that conversation with my friends.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21And I realised that actually no-one was educating about it in schools
0:21:21 > 0:21:25and none of the breast cancer charities were educating young people.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28That's the thrust of it, isn't it? You want young people to check
0:21:28 > 0:21:31themselves, because they don't think it could happen to them.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Yeah. That was really important at that time, to think, actually,
0:21:34 > 0:21:36I got breast cancer, I can do something about it,
0:21:36 > 0:21:37I should have been told.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40And yeah, my breast cancer was found really late - at stage 4,
0:21:40 > 0:21:42by the time it was found.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46I'm bloody lucky to still be here, but I think the reason I'm here
0:21:46 > 0:21:49is because I've still got lots to do with Coppafeel.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Do you get much contact with people who say you've saved their life?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- It must be amazing. - Yes, very special.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Yes, when someone says, "Because of you, I checked my boobs
0:22:00 > 0:22:04"and I've been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer," yes, awesome.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09And the first time we got one of those e-mails was in 2010,
0:22:09 > 0:22:11so it was not longer after I was diagnosed
0:22:11 > 0:22:14and I thought, "Holy shit! What we're actually doing makes sense."
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- Totally. - And we need to keep doing this.
0:22:17 > 0:22:22- And so, I have been doing it for six years.- Exactly.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24APPLAUSE
0:22:27 > 0:22:32Now, we've got some of your accoutrements here. What's this?
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Just because everyone needs a bosom for a pillow.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Oh, nice. I thought it was going to be Breastafarian.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- We have that at Boob HQ. - Where's that?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- In Bermondsey, in London.- Nice.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50These are absolutely fascinating, these, because these are boobs,
0:22:50 > 0:22:52but it's just kind of...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Don't you think there's something quite tender...
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- Yes, but we actually use them as dodgeballs.- Dodgeballs?- Yes.
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Just imagine a slow-motion one of these wanging you across the face.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Shall we make that a reality? - Go on, throw it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- No, I can't.- Go on, properly do it. - Oh, no! I'm going to miss.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:17 > 0:23:21What was so beautiful about that is you went, "Oh, I'm going to miss,"
0:23:21 > 0:23:25and then, threw it harder than anyone has ever thrown anything.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26So, how do I check myself?
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- Because don't 400 men get...?- Yes, 400 men are diagnosed every year.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32It's about getting to know what's normal for you,
0:23:32 > 0:23:35so you have to have a good look and a good feel regularly,
0:23:35 > 0:23:38so you'd notice if something wasn't right.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40And whenever I do talks and stuff,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43I just grab my boobs immediately, it's an automatic reaction.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Ladies do this, you grab your boobs
0:23:45 > 0:23:48and you see ladies grab each other's boobs,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- it's a laugh and it's wonderful. - All the time.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53No, but we've seen videos of you grabbing each other.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58If it was a testicular cancer charity, no bloke would ever...
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- There'd be a fight! - I think you should start it.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I'm so envious that you are so at home and you touch each other.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Men can't do that, men can't touch each other.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12It's not just that you can't touch each other, it's because
0:24:12 > 0:24:15you're really crap at talking to each other about stuff like that.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16- MAN:- Yeah!
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Apart from that guy. He loves it.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Now, I've got a thing here.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26You know you wanted to see a slow-mo of a boob being thrown in my face?
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- Apparently, we have one. Let's have a look.- Amazing.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36There you go. Wow.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Oh, shit! Fucking hell, I really...
0:24:38 > 0:24:42That freaked the fuck out of me. I was like, "Oh, it's me!"
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I'm like, "I'm on telly!"
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- That was the highlight of your career.- Absolutely.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I really enjoyed that. Thank you for coming on the show.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Kris Hallenga!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Next up, check out what kids in Australia are doing.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Children as young as three could learn cage fighting
0:25:07 > 0:25:09in a new UFC gym to be built in Richmond.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Cage fighting toddlers?!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14How terrifying would that playground be!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17# Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream
0:25:17 > 0:25:22# I'll chase you down and fuck you up and cut you till you scream. #
0:25:23 > 0:25:24It's such a...
0:25:24 > 0:25:26ridiculous thought.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29You can't get children to fight.
0:25:29 > 0:25:34You put a three-year-old in a cage, he'll pretend to be a chicken.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Christ, what does the Aussie version of CBeebies look like?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- Hello.- Hi, Peppa.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44Sorry I'm late. I was at my self-defence class.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46- ALL:- Ooh!
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- What did you learn, Peppa? - I'll show you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51- Aaargh!- Oww!
0:25:51 > 0:25:55I'm jumping in a bloody puddle!
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Peppa, you never returned my calls.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Come here, little piggy.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Aaargh!
0:26:08 > 0:26:12My final story tonight is about a magical lady from Hull.
0:26:12 > 0:26:18I'm Jean Bishop. I'm 91 years old and I'm from Hull.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22I'm known as the Bee Lady.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Oh, I'm a bee, yes. A buzzing bee.
0:26:25 > 0:26:30'I dress up as a bee and go out and collect the money for Age UK.'
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Thank you very much.
0:26:32 > 0:26:37'I love the people. They're so friendly to me.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40'Everybody, they hug me and kiss me -
0:26:40 > 0:26:43'you can't describe it, it's wonderful.'
0:26:43 > 0:26:47- Thank you. How are you? - Fine, thanks.- That makes two of us.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49'I really love it.'
0:26:49 > 0:26:52Oh, you are kind.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56'I try and keep young inside myself.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59'There's such a lot of things I want to do.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02'I'm looking forward to still carrying on doing
0:27:02 > 0:27:05'my collecting for as long as I can.
0:27:05 > 0:27:10'There's nothing going to stop me because I've got £100,000.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12'I want to get my next £100,000.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16'I think it's everything if you love everybody.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18'You feel more cheerful and happy.'
0:27:18 > 0:27:22How incredible is she?! Ahh!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27People like that make the world go round.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Thanks very much for watching Good News.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Goodnight, my friends. Farewell, goodnight.