0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains adult humour and some strong language.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Hello! Hello, hello, hello!
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
0:00:29 > 0:00:33Hello! And welcome to Good News. So, what has been happening?
0:00:33 > 0:00:36It is me or does somebody need to have a word with Carol
0:00:36 > 0:00:38about her parenting?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Now, have a look at this. Looks like the kind of place
0:00:40 > 0:00:43you'd take the kids to for a day trip, doesn't it?
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Not really, Carol!
0:00:49 > 0:00:53Over on Breakfast, Bill Turnbull dropped the daintiest fart ever.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56..whatever language that they would have arrested him in.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58PARP!
0:01:02 > 0:01:06It's a lovely little mouse parp, isn't it? Meeew!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Louis van Gaal's English - not going so great.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Sticks and bones can break my... Eh?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18And, finally, this cookery programme wins my award
0:01:18 > 0:01:21for Most Unexpected End To A Show...Ever.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23SHE SPEAKS IN EUROPEAN LANGUAGE
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Come back.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26THEY SPEAKS IN EUROPEAN LANGUAGE
0:01:26 > 0:01:30DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:42 > 0:01:45APPLAUSE
0:01:45 > 0:01:49So, what has been going on? Did you hear the news about bacon?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52The World Health Organisation is now warning that the equivalent
0:01:52 > 0:01:56of less than two slices of bacon a day can boost your chances
0:01:56 > 0:02:00of developing one form of cancer by nearly 20%.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Bacon, ham and hot dog...
0:02:02 > 0:02:04- Cancer. - Bacon, ham, sausages...- Cancer.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Hot dogs, bacon and sausages...
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- Cancer.- Hot dogs, bacon, ham... - Cancer.- Bacon and...- Cancer.- Bacon.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Cancer.- Bacon.- Cancer. - Bacon.- ..and cancer.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15But we like bacon!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Yes, we do-o-o-!
0:02:23 > 0:02:26We like bacon!
0:02:26 > 0:02:27We love bacon!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31A bacon sandwich is one of the greatest things in the world
0:02:31 > 0:02:32and now it gives you cancer.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36It's like finding out Stephen Fry drowns puppies.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I was gutted! Look what they compared it to...
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Red and processed meats. Could be as big a threat as smoking.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Jesus!
0:02:46 > 0:02:49In 20 years, people will be outside pubs eating sausages.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56Just hipsters vaping piglets.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Going cold turkey, you put a bit of bacon on your arm, like that.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06"Are you trying to quit?"
0:03:06 > 0:03:07"No, I'm mad."
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Do you know the worst thing? Do you see the way Sky News covered it?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15They went to a cafe and tried to scare the shit out of people.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Bacon, sausage, beans, fried egg. According to the World Health
0:03:19 > 0:03:24Organisation, you may as well have a big pile of asbestos on that plate.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28"You're going to die!"
0:03:28 > 0:03:30He tried it again later. Didn't really work.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Processed sausage, bacon - potentially-cancer causing.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- How is your breakfast?- It's lovely.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39CHEERING
0:03:41 > 0:03:43"I enjoyed it."
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I'm with him. People in this country are going to struggle
0:03:46 > 0:03:48to give up bacon. We really, really love it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Listen to this 999 call. This isn't made up.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53This is a genuine call to the police.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Only in this country!
0:04:34 > 0:04:37APPLAUSE
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Elsewhere this week, one of the most emotive stories in the news
0:04:41 > 0:04:43was the Tories' attempt to get tax credit cuts
0:04:43 > 0:04:44through the House of Lords.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48The Chancellor, George Osborne, says he will continue with his proposed
0:04:48 > 0:04:50tax credit cuts, despite a double defeat
0:04:50 > 0:04:51in the House of Lords last night.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56I am determined to deliver that lower welfare, higher wage economy
0:04:56 > 0:04:59that we were elected to deliver and the British people want to see.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02"British people want to see"? Maybe your millionaire mates
0:05:02 > 0:05:04want tax reform, but some people are really struggling.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Look at this heartbreaking clip from Question Time.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I voted Conservatives, originally, cos I thought you were going to be
0:05:10 > 0:05:13the better chance for me and my children.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17You are about to cut tax credits, after promising you wouldn't.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I work bloody hard for my money, to provide for my children,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24to give them everything they have got and you are going to take
0:05:24 > 0:05:26it away from me and them. I can hardly afford the rent
0:05:26 > 0:05:31I have to pay. I can hardly afford the bills I have got to do and you are going to take more from me.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Osborne keeps banging on about reducing the deficit.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I've got an idea how you can reduce it -
0:05:36 > 0:05:39stop taking money off people like her and get Google, Amazon
0:05:39 > 0:05:42or Starbucks to pay their fair share of their fucking taxes!
0:05:42 > 0:05:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:44 > 0:05:45She's clearly suffering.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50One of the most shocking parts of this story -
0:05:50 > 0:05:52you probably saw this - was this headline.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04That makes him sound like a villain from one of his own shit musicals!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07TO TUNE OF JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR: # Hate the poor, I don't care
0:06:07 > 0:06:11# I'm a spam-faced millionaire... #
0:06:13 > 0:06:17It's bullshit! Although Lloyd-Webber was good in Star Wars.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Not that it was the only tax story that angered people.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Did you read about tampons?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Yep, women still have to pay 5% VAT on tampons,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40cos they're considered a luxury.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Luxury? They're tampons!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44They're not Ferrero Rocher.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50I've never seen a woman in Tesco, "Oh, my God, look at them all!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53"They're so sumptuous!"
0:06:55 > 0:06:59No woman has ever inserted one and gone, "Oh, I am spoiling myself!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05"Ohhhh, I feel so decadent!"
0:07:05 > 0:07:08It's ridiculous. They're not aspirational.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10You don't see Beyonce bragging about them.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12# If you like it, you should have got me one with wings on it
0:07:12 > 0:07:14# If you like it, you should have got me one with wings on it
0:07:14 > 0:07:17# Uh-oh-oh-oh-oh... #
0:07:17 > 0:07:20"Oh, Jay, I got stomach cramps. Get me a hot water bottle!"
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Do you know the absurd thing?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26You pay VAT on tampons because they're a luxury,
0:07:26 > 0:07:30but you don't pay VAT on things that are considered essential.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33And here is a list of some of the things that the taxman
0:07:33 > 0:07:36thinks are more essential than tampons.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Helicopters, bingo, Twiglets,
0:07:39 > 0:07:45adult nappies, flapjacks, toffee apples, edible cake decorations,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49a ticket to the zoo and crocodile meat!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Crocodile meat!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54That's essential? Yeah, if you're Mick fucking Dundee!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58I think this lady's gentle sign puts it best.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04APPLAUSE
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It's been a bad week all round for the government.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Did you hear about Cameron's Photoshop gaffe?
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Fury filtered through social media yesterday after Downing Street
0:08:15 > 0:08:20digitally added a poppy to this photograph of David Cameron
0:08:20 > 0:08:22on its Facebook account.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I cannot believe he used Photoshop.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27"Spend a pound on a poppy? HE SNORTS
0:08:29 > 0:08:32"I'd rather give a woman a free tampon!"
0:08:34 > 0:08:36He shouldn't have used Photoshop.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39I didn't use Photoshop when I was talking about bacon,
0:08:39 > 0:08:40did I, or I would have shown this.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46APPLAUSE
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I enjoyed that so much, it makes me want to dance.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Elsewhere this week, have a look at this.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13We've only just said goodbye to summer,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15but a shopping centre in Derbyshire
0:09:15 > 0:09:18has already put up its Christmas decorations.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Christmas decorations already! I'll bet the locals were delighted.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25It annoys me and it actually puts me off Christmas
0:09:25 > 0:09:28because Christmas, it's Christmas and Christmas
0:09:28 > 0:09:30and, by the time it actually gets to Christmas,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32you've had enough of it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37He's got a point - Christmas IS Christmas until it's Christmas.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Then, it's Boxing Day.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43Mind you, if you think that's mad, look what the store manager said.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45This may be my favourite comeback ever.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47You're always going to get grumpy people.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50They've had bad experiences as children.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52They wanted a train set, they got gloves.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54I love it!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56"They wanted a train set, they got gloves.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57"You don't like Easter?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00"You've probably had an egg shoved up your arse!"
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Not that all shop stories were depressing.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05This is absolutely amazing.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17That is amazing!
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Grown men and women have been playing hide and seek in IKEA.
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Look at this woman!
0:10:22 > 0:10:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:25 > 0:10:28As soon as I heard about this, I went and did it with my brother.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Why would you not?
0:10:30 > 0:10:33It was great, cos he went off and hid...and I just left.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38It's true, it's true.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I was sat in a cafe, giggling my tits off,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42but the trouble is, you can't tell anyone.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46"Why are you laughing?" HE HOLDS BACK LAUGHTER
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Cos my brother's in the cupboard!
0:10:50 > 0:10:56He can't get out! He may die, he may die!
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Not that it's the best prank played by a brother I've seen.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08This is why Mom doesn't fucking love you!
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Now... APPLAUSE
0:11:14 > 0:11:16It's good that adults are playing hide-and-seek
0:11:16 > 0:11:19but, let's be honest, they'll never be able to topple kids.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21They are the masters of disguise.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I love that photo so much.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Next up, guys, guys, guys, guys, let's talk about nutscaping.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36"What's nutscaping, Rus? Is it something to do with pistachios?" No.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Well, I think this lady puts it best.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Whatever turns them on.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53So, who would like to see these breathtaking vistas?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Look at that.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Wow!
0:11:58 > 0:12:03Who in their right mind looks at a glorious sunset and thinks,
0:12:03 > 0:12:05"That needs teabagging"?
0:12:08 > 0:12:09This one looks so cold,
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I'm surprised he could even find his spuds.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Look at that!
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Who gets their ballbag out in Mordor?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19This one's the worst, look at this.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Arg! It looks like a granny's chin.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27What is wrong with men?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Why would you put your...?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You would never see women doing this.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35"Oh, look, the Grand Canyon. Derek?
0:12:35 > 0:12:39"Get me camera, I'm going to do a flap snap.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43"Are you getting it all, Derek? Are you getting it all?
0:12:44 > 0:12:49"Oh, a tampon, I feel so luxurious." APPLAUSE
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I don't understand it. Testicles are the ugliest things in the world.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57They're like dying onion bhajis just...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02The only photo that would improve is this.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08That's the only one. APPLAUSE
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Elsewhere in the news...
0:13:13 > 0:13:14No, no, he's not.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22My guest this week has an incredible story It's been made into an
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Oscar-winning documentary and is now a major Hollywood movie - The Walk.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Look at this.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31I have never obstructed justice.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Why did you do this?- Police took a humourless view of the act.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Why did you do it? - There is no wire.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Beyond anything you can ever imagine. Mind-boggling.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55This is probably the end of my life, to step on that wire.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Death is very close.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08I figured I was watching something that somebody else would
0:14:08 > 0:14:11never see again in the world. It was a once-in-a-lifetime.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13...every day as a true challenge
0:14:13 > 0:14:16and then you live your life on the tightrope.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18APPLAUSE
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Ladies and gentlemen... A true one-off, Philippe Petit!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Philippe, thank you so much for coming on the show.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Thank you very much.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29This is very, very, very exciting to have you on the show.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Thanks for coming. The first thing I want to say,
0:14:32 > 0:14:36the first thing that leaps off that, not only is it extraordinary to do
0:14:36 > 0:14:41what you did, to walk between the Twin Towers, but to do it in flares.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Are you talking about the actual design? Does that bother you?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49It doesn't bother me. I just love the confidence, because if that had been
0:14:49 > 0:14:52me, I would have gone with something really tight,
0:14:52 > 0:14:53but it's the fact that...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56But it's nice that the wind is... is communicating with me.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- How cocky can you get? That's what I love about it.- Not much more.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02No, exactly. LAUGHTER
0:15:02 > 0:15:05The only way that could have been better is if,
0:15:05 > 0:15:09on the bottom of your flares, it just went, "Whatever, God."
0:15:09 > 0:15:13I guess the first thing is, why do you do what you do?
0:15:13 > 0:15:18That's a great question and I'm totally unable to answer.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Why do I like to become a half-man, half-bird?
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Well, maybe because I like to look at the world from above,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28from a different...vision.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Maybe because I like to explore, you know?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34I don't know, but I just love it. It's in me.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37My day is not the same if I don't walk the high wire
0:15:37 > 0:15:40and I practice three hours a day, at 66 years old.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Wow!- And that keeps me alive.
0:15:42 > 0:15:47So, passion is what I'm throwing at you, like a ball, as an answer
0:15:47 > 0:15:48to that impossible question.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Oh, God. I like you a lot.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55What...?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59I didn't know... I thought you were going to throw that at me.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Thought you were looking for something just to...
0:16:03 > 0:16:06"Does this answer your question?"
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I did make a sorry face but I was thinking, you know,
0:16:08 > 0:16:12in a show like this, you would agree to have my best Scotch there.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- Mate, if you want a Scotch, I'll get you a Scotch.- I would love that.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I would love a single malt, if you have it or anything...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21LAUGHTER Absolutely, let's do it.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24APPLAUSE
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Hey.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29You seem naturally rebellious.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Because you were expelled from school five times.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36No, I was not rebellious because I was expelled,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I was expelled and I became rebellious.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41I was expelled simply because it was ridiculous for me
0:16:41 > 0:16:44to try to funnel down this...
0:16:44 > 0:16:48Almost like, you know, forced goose feeding - history, geography,
0:16:48 > 0:16:51mathematics - when I had something very important to do.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- I was practising... - Oh, yes!- ..with my hands.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Please tell me there was a moment when you were, like, 13 -
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- "I cannot do this. I have something important to do."- Exactly.- Yes, mate.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04And then, I was thrown out of all those schools,
0:17:04 > 0:17:07simply because I needed more time and focus to perfect my art.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Then the irony is that I become a thief of knowledge.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12- I wanted to learn everything.- Yeah.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15I would see a guide in construction site welding -
0:17:15 > 0:17:16"Oh, I want to learn welding."
0:17:16 > 0:17:21Then I go to the dentist and I say, "Show me the tool. Oh, that's great. I would like to become a dentist."
0:17:21 > 0:17:23It's like model-making with pain, you know?
0:17:25 > 0:17:28So, anyway, if school makes no sense to you,
0:17:28 > 0:17:32then engulf all the school you can from life, you know.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Oh, completely. Exactly.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:38 > 0:17:43I read... You've been arrested for street performing, as well.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44How does that happen?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46More than 500 times.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I put that in my resume with pride.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52And then, I stopped counting, because it was silly.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55So, I had been arrested mostly for street juggling.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59- I'm still doing it.- But how are you arrested for juggling?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02I go anywhere. I did it in London a few times.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05I draw a circle of chalk on a pavement and then people come.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I don't say a word,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09because I created a...a comic, silent -
0:18:09 > 0:18:11comic, I hope.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13You should never say you are a comic, of course.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15But anyway, I don't speak...
0:18:15 > 0:18:18You are a born comic. Your body language is fabulous,
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- and I can tell because... - RUSSELL LAUGHS
0:18:21 > 0:18:22..in the street, that's what I...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25You know, the weird thing is, I pulled an arse muscle.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Forget about it.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Anyway, so, in my street juggling, I play with the people.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- What was the question? I forgot. - I don't know.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Oh, arrested, arrested.
0:18:34 > 0:18:41So...and then I put a rope between two trees and I juggle and I mime...
0:18:41 > 0:18:42I don't mime, I hate mimes.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45But anyway, I am a silent character.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49And at some point, the police, with uniform, come to arrest me.
0:18:49 > 0:18:50So, I have a unicycle,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53and I make a little, very quick opening in my crowd
0:18:53 > 0:18:57and then I jump on a unicycle and I go so fast that...
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- Most police in the world don't have a unicycle unit.- No.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05And I disappear.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07APPLAUSE
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Here's a question for you.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Do you not get scared when you're doing it?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- When you're doing...- Scared of what?
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Of...of dying.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Being that high up on a wire that small - are you not scared?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Most people would be - and this is a British phrase -
0:19:27 > 0:19:29bricking it.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I was playing with you in a sense...
0:19:35 > 0:19:37No, you know what they say in New York,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39but it will be bleeped on the TV.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Hey, I was fucking with you.- Yeah.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Now, I feel so much better.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45APPLAUSE
0:19:45 > 0:19:47So, anyway...
0:19:47 > 0:19:50No, the reason I am not scared, to be very honest,
0:19:50 > 0:19:55is that there is no possibility, mental or physical, for me to -
0:19:55 > 0:19:59and I will not pronounce that word, but let's be poetic -
0:19:59 > 0:20:01to fly off the wire, right?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I am the engineer, I learn by myself, engineering.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07I design my anchor points, I built my balancing pole,
0:20:07 > 0:20:08I fabricate my shoes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11So, anyway, the most dangerous thing,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13unless you know how to juggle it,
0:20:13 > 0:20:17- is to feel...not important, but invincible.- Yeah.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20The minute you feel you are above the normal human level,
0:20:20 > 0:20:21then you are in danger,
0:20:21 > 0:20:23for the climber, of losing your grip,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25for the wire walker, of losing your heart,
0:20:25 > 0:20:29for the comic on stage, of losing the thread of your presentation -
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I don't know if you have a thread, you seem to improvise a lot.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Now, talking of...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Talking of improvising, we've got you that Scotch.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- We've got it there. - Oh, this is fabulous - oh, two!
0:20:47 > 0:20:48We didn't ask for one.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- This is fabulous. - It's all right, isn't it?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:57 > 0:20:59This is...it's not finished,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02but this is my best TV show in my entire life.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Aw! This is going all right.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- I love the Scotch. - APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:11We have to do many, many more shows together.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14That is absolutely fine. Is there anything...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Is there anything that does scare you, in life?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Yes. Um... Bacon and cancer.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Yeah...
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Um...nice.- No, you know what?
0:21:24 > 0:21:29I am not too keen, on the ground, because in the sky, I have no fear,
0:21:29 > 0:21:34but on the ground, I am not too keen on animals with too many legs.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Or animals with not enough legs.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43RUSSELL LAUGHS
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Oh... Who would have thought?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47This is what I'm getting at.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50So, the only thing I would have to do to put you off from your majestic art
0:21:50 > 0:21:53is fly a helicopter near you and throw a centipede at you.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57- That would be... - You have a weird mind.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00How have I got a weird mind?
0:22:00 > 0:22:04There's...there's nothing weird about that...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07This is all right, isn't it? What a life, eh?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I really like you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I tell you, if I was a 66-year-old lady,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15you and me would be going at it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Was that a question?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31- I'm just... It's true... - Why are you smiling?
0:22:31 > 0:22:36LAUGHTER Cos I'm just imagining me as a 66-year-old lady...
0:22:36 > 0:22:37I cannot wait!
0:22:40 > 0:22:41APPLAUSE
0:22:41 > 0:22:46That was so wonderful. Thank you so much for coming on, my friend.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Ladies and gentlemen, Philippe Petit!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Some mad crime stories this week.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58This is great...
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Have you seen it? Oh, it's terrific, isn't it?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10It may possibly be THE most British thing ever.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12If you're still struggling with consent,
0:23:12 > 0:23:14just imagine - instead of initiating sex,
0:23:14 > 0:23:17you're making them a cup of tea.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19You say, "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?"
0:23:19 > 0:23:23And they go, "Oh, my God, I would love a cup of tea, thank you."
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Then you know they want a cup of tea.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28If you say, "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?"
0:23:28 > 0:23:32And they're, like, "Er, you know, I'm not really sure."
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Then, you can make them a cup of tea or not.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37But be aware that they might not drink it.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40And if they don't drink it, then -
0:23:40 > 0:23:43and this is the important bit - don't make them drink it.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48So...British, right?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50There's more...
0:23:50 > 0:23:52And if they're unconscious, don't make them tea.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Unconscious people don't want tea
0:23:55 > 0:23:57and they can't answer the question "Do you want tea?"
0:23:57 > 0:23:59because they're unconscious.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01You should just put the tea down,
0:24:01 > 0:24:04make sure the unconscious person is safe, and -
0:24:04 > 0:24:05this is the important part, again -
0:24:05 > 0:24:07don't make them drink the tea.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11I think it's wonderful.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13I actually think...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I think they should have done that with tax credits.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Here is a family with hardly any tea.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23The Tories have lots of tea.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26But they want more tea.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29And instead of taking it from people who can afford to lose tea,
0:24:29 > 0:24:31they want to take YOUR tea.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32THEY GASP
0:24:32 > 0:24:36They even got their friend, Andrew, to help them get the tea.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44But don't worry, under Tory policy, you'll get tea eventually.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52CHEERING
0:24:52 > 0:24:53I tell you what...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I think that was quite good. It makes me want to...
0:24:57 > 0:24:59..DANCE!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01HEAVY BEAT DANCE MUSIC
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Yeah, that's right... Ah-ha!
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Kick it!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Kick it, Anita! Kick it!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Finally, tonight, an inspirational woman who makes you
0:25:19 > 0:25:22think about moaning a little less about your life.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28In an ideal world, I would like people to maybe not stare,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31maybe not freak out and run away from me,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34because, then, that helps me and hopefully other people
0:25:34 > 0:25:36who look different.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Hopefully help them to realise that...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43..they are a member of society.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Abandoned at birth, bullied at school,
0:25:48 > 0:25:51and regularly abused as an adult,
0:25:51 > 0:25:5422-year-old Mui Thomas has a rare condition called
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Harlequin ichthyosis.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Her skin sheds much faster than normal skin.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03She has no control over her body temperature,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05and she has arthritis.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Mui is giving back, by working at a special needs school and
0:26:09 > 0:26:11giving motivational talks.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14When I was a child, I once said,
0:26:14 > 0:26:18"Mummy, if there is one thing that I want for Christmas,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20"it is to have ordinary skin..."
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Mui's experience of cyberbullying is the focus of her talks,
0:26:25 > 0:26:28where she relives the most painful time of her life
0:26:28 > 0:26:31to try to help others going through the same thing.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33The cyberbullies, they made comments like,
0:26:33 > 0:26:36"Oh, you shouldn't be alive. You should have been dead.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39"Nobody loves you, nobody wants you."
0:26:39 > 0:26:41And...when you're already a teenager struggling with...
0:26:41 > 0:26:43SHE CHUCKLES
0:26:43 > 0:26:46..you know, self-image, that really hurts.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50But Mui is determined not to let that hold her back,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53taking inspiration from her father's love of rugby
0:26:53 > 0:26:55to become a fully qualified referee.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58BLOWS WHISTLE
0:26:58 > 0:27:01When I'm on the pitch, I'm just a referee in the middle.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Nobody actually cares whether I look different or not.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06They only care if I make a wrong decision.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Two. Touch.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09And I love that. I love the fact
0:27:09 > 0:27:12that I'm...in some way, I'm anonymous.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Mui is thought to be the fourth-oldest person in
0:27:14 > 0:27:16the world living with her condition.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18The oldest is currently 31.
0:27:18 > 0:27:23But her uncertain future is certainly not slowing her down.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25What an amazing young woman, eh?
0:27:25 > 0:27:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Thank you very much for watching Good News.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Goodnight, my friends, goodnight!
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Farewell! See you later!
0:27:32 > 0:27:33CHEERING